Friends s03e16 Episode Script

-Previously on Friends.
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-I don't feel like I have a girlfriend.
You want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend? -Is this about Mark? -Oh, my God.
-Okay, it's not.
-Oh, my God.
I cannot keep having this fight with you! Maybe we should just take a break.
Fine.
You're right.
Let's take a break.
Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
A break from us.
Then we had this big fight, and I said I wanted to take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
This is crazy.
Can 't we work on this? What do you want to drink? Who's that? Nobody.
Is that Mark? Honey, look, he just-- Yeah.
Got it! Hey, come dance.
What, are you married? Because that's okay.
THE NEXT MORNING How was the big anniversary dinner? Well, we never actually got to dinner.
Nice.
We kind of broke up instead.
What? My God! It's on the ceiling! That's okay.
This is more important than fruit.
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on my ceiling.
You broke up? Yeah, but it's okay because when Ross left, Mark came over.
-Oh, no! You and Mark? -It's okay.
Calm down.
Mark and I talked.
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and I realized how much I love your stupid brother.
We got our problems, but I really wanna make it work.
Morning! The One the Morning After .
:staz:.
(staz@post.
cz) It's me.
I've been trying to reach you all night.
I feel awful.
There's nothing between me and Mark.
This whole breakup thing is just stupid.
I'm sorry I put you through it.
And I don 't want to get back together over a machine.
So I love you.
I love you.
And you know what? I'm gonna go to bed now but on my way to work tomorrow, I'll stop by around 8:30.
Bye.
Chloe, how's it coming? What kind of puppy do you think I should get? Well, how about a big one? -But my apartment's so-- -Then a small one.
-We have to go.
-Wait! Where's my shoes? You need shoes? -Do I know why we're rushing? -You know my girlfriend? It turns out that she wants to get back together.
I found it! That's so great for you guys! You must be so happy! Yes, I am.
One of the many things I'm feeling.
-Good luck with your girlfriend.
-Thank you.
-You got my message? -You are right on time! So can I be your girlfriend again? Yes, you can.
very much.
-Why are you mopping your ceiling? -There's banana on it.
I have the spirit of an old lndian woman living in mine.
So, then, you know.
The mailman was here, so I brought your mail.
-Oh, good.
Thanks.
-Now, what is Fabutech? Don't judge me too much, okay? I saw this infomercial, and I swear I have never.
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bought anything on Tv before.
Except for this mop.
But there was this amazing stuff on leg-waxing-- Waxine! Yes! Have you seen it? It's incredible! I want to be a Waxine Girl! I know! Do you think it really doesn't hurt? How can they do that? Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the rain forest? They have the best stuff in there.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone to make up with Rachel.
Which is probably what you should have done.
You think? God, I'm in hell.
I mean, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all "I love you," and all I can think about.
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is what is she gonna do when I tell her what I did? First, we should address the more important question.
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how dumb are you? Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right? How can I do that without being honest? I'm onboard about the total-honesty thing.
I am.
Just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
He's right.
Nobody benefits, and you'll just hurt her.
And there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
Don't you think-- If you have to tell her, at least wait till the timing's right.
And that's what deathbeds are for.
-Yeah, okay.
-All right.
Okay.
Now, we just have to make sure she doesn't find out some other way.
Did you think about the trail? What trail? From the woman you did it with.
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to the woman you hope never finds out you did it! Always think about the trail! I don't think there's any trail.
Chloe works with that guy, lsaac.
Isaac's sister is Jasmine, who works at the massage place with Phoebe.
Phoebe is Rachel's friend, and that's the trail! I did it! "After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg--" Did that! "Grasp the linen strip by its tab.
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and pull it off in one quick, pain-free motion.
" Was it not "pain-free"? No, it was pain-ful! My God, they should call it "Pain-zine, now with a little wax.
" The girls on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
Because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid.
But you know, if you don't believe me, please, be my guest.
Now are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips? Chloe, hi.
Is this about me taking your watch? -You took my watch? -I'm sorry.
I do that.
You keep it.
Listen, did you tell anyone about us? I feel like it really isn't anybody's business.
Exactly.
So you didn't mention anything to lsaac? -I tell lsaac everything.
-You do? Of course you do.
Hi, lsaac.
You know, we haven't actually met.
You dog! Yes, I suppose I am a dog.
But see, I happen to have a girlfriend.
Right.
Rachel from the coffee place.
That's the one.
Listen, I don't want to hurt her.
I know.
It doesn't matter how much we love them.
Monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Listen, can you keep this information to yourself? No problem.
We gotta look out for each other.
We're the same, you and me.
Actually, no, we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No, we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No, we're not.
-Okay, we're not.
-Right.
But we are.
Fine.
I just need to know that you won't tell your sister.
I can promise not to tell her again.
Jasmine? We met at Phoebe's birthday party.
I'm Ross Geller.
You did a bad thing! -Yes, I did.
-very bad! -very bad.
-very, very bad! I'm agreeing with you.
Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet? Please.
Please don't.
I love my girlfriend very much and I want to work it out with her.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
But you should talk to my roommate.
I told him, and he knows Phoebe too.
Who's your roommate? Tell me you didn't tell Rachel about me and the girl from the copy place.
I'm sorry.
Was I not supposed to? -We're all right.
-It's okay.
It's okay.
-We were just waxing our legs.
-Off? For your information, this is a pain like no man will ever experience.
Unless you've been kicked in an area.
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that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Women just have a lower threshold for pain than men, that's all.
I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Oh, yeah? Come here.
Oh, that's mature.
So now I just pull it off? That's right.
Just talk to me.
Please! Talk to you? I can't even look at you right now.
Nothing.
Nothing.
-She said it was okay.
-What are they talking about? -Just get away from me! -I made a mistake, okay? A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse? Where did he put it? You had sex with another woman! Oh, my God! I knew something was wrong because my nails didn't grow at all yesterday.
I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk-- You guys knew about this and didn't tell us? He has sex and we get hit in our heads! I want you to leave! Just get out! Now! I want to stay and talk about this.
All right.
How was she? -What? -Was she good? Don't answer that.
You said you wanted to talk about it.
Let's talk.
How was she? -She was.
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-Awful.
-She was not good.
-Horrible.
Nothing compared to you.
She was different.
Good different? Nobody likes change.
-Just stop! -What? Okay! Okay! Okay! Should we do something? Yeah.
Never cheat on Rachel.
I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.
I was disgusted with myself.
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and this morning I was upset.
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and then I got your message and I was so happy.
And all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment-- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute.
What time did your little friend leave? Oh, my God.
She was there? She was still there? She was in there when I was in there? Listen, the important thing is she meant nothing to me.
And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship! I didn't think there was a relationship.
-We'd broken up.
-We were on a break.
That, for all I knew, could last forever.
That is a breakup.
You gonna get out of this on a technicality? I'm not trying to "get out" of anything.
I thought our relationship was dead.
Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
What are you doing? We can't go out.
Why not? I'm hungry.
Because they'll know we've been listening.
God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther! I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen! Oh, that is so sweet.
I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
We can go out.
They have other things to worry about.
We'll be fine.
Rachel, I wanted to tell you.
I thought I should.
And then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to! Wax the door shut.
We're never leaving.
It's Phoebe.
Someone has to take my 9:00 with Mr.
Rehak.
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because it's 9: 1 5 now, and I'm not there.
None of this would've happened if I didn't think.
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you were having sex with Mark? All right.
Let's say I had slept with Mark.
Would you have been able to forgive me? Yes, I would.
You'd be okay if Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me.
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and made love to me? If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were-- I would have been devastated.
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but I would still want to be with you.
Because, I mean, it's you.
Come on, tell me what you're thinking.
I'm thinking.
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I'm gonna order a pizza.
Order a pizza, like.
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"I forgive you"? Oh, man! Pizza? I like pizza.
Put olives on the pizza.
We could eat the wax! It's organic! Oh, great.
Food with hair on it.
No, not the used wax.
Because that would be crazy? Could I get in on that? Because I'm kind of hungry myself.
Fine.
Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
-No anchovies.
-With extra anchovies.
That's okay.
I'll pick them off.
And could you chop some up and put it right in the sauce? You can have the last piece if you want.
Well, I should think so.
You slept with someone.
They're gonna get through this, aren't they? Yeah.
Come on, it's Ross and Rachel.
They've got to.
What if they don't? You think I need a new walk? What? Well, I've been walking the same way since high school.
You know how some guys walk into a room and everybody takes notice? I think I need a take-notice walk.
Are you actually saying these words? What, now you're not even talking to me? Look, Rachel, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I was out of my mind.
I thought I'd lost you.
How insane must I have been to do something like this? I don't cheat, right? That's not me.
I'm not Joey! It's 3 a.
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They don't know that I've come home yet.
You notice how they aren't wondering where I am? You know, people can be so self-involved.
You know what? I'm not the one that wanted that break.
You're the one that bailed.
You're the one.
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that ran the moment things got rough.
-That's-- -That's what? -That is neither here nor there.
-Here we are.
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in a spot again.
What do you want? How do you want to handle it? You want to fight for us or bail? Look, I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing, okay? I'm sorry.
I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
I just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good.
I love you so much.
No, Ross! Don't! You can't just kiss me and make it all go away.
It doesn't work that way.
It doesn't just make it better.
I think you should go.
What? I really think you need to go now.
This morning you said there was nothing we couldn't work out.
What the hell did I know? There's got to be a way we can work past this.
I can't imagine my life without you.
Without these arms.
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and your face and heart.
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your good heart, Rach, and.
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I can't.
You're a totally different person to me now.
I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me.
Ever.
Now I can't stop picturing you with her.
I can't.
It doesn't matter what you say or what you do.
It's just changed everything.
Forever.
This can't be it.
Then how come it is? They've been quiet for a long time.
Maybe she killed him.
Let's go.
Is that your new walk? I really have to pee.