George Lopez (2002) s03e16 Episode Script

Sorry we're late, Angie.
We hit a ton of traffic.
- Did we screw up dinner? - I haven't started cooking yet.
I'm learning the new La Marie makeup line.
Benny, let me try some of these colors on you.
No! Look.
I'll cook you dinner, but first let me make you gorgeous.
Great, we're never gonna eat.
Wait.
You know I bet cinnamon swirl would look good on your lips.
You know what would look good on my lips? A big piece of chicken.
Why are you trying to sell that stuff to my mom? Thought we agreed.
We wait till she dies, then you can make her up however you want.
Wouldn't it be great if the coroner pulled her out of the fridge and she looked like the drummer from KISS, like: George.
I'm trying to stall her until Randy gets here.
It's their six month anniversary.
I helped him plan a big, romantic night for her.
No, Angie, why are you encouraging him? Don't know why he's going out with her, anyways.
Eventually, he's gonna get over this phase and go back to women.
Why can't you accept the fact that your mom's got a man? Because it's weird.
I don't know why he's with her.
Any normal guy who is over 35 is looking for a younger woman so that he can feel good about himself.
- Not me, I got the truck.
- Oh.
Oh, Angie, the Duke of Hazzard is here.
- Evening, George.
- Randy.
My God, you look so handsome.
Doesn't he, George? Why do you put me on the spot like this? You can tell me, George.
I can take it.
By the way, you look very nice tonight.
Thanks.
I like, uh I like how your beard starts from inside your nose.
Hey, Randy.
What are you doing here? Hey, babe.
I'm taking you out on the town tonight.
I got you a new dress to wear and everything.
Happy six month anniversary, angel.
Six months? What kind of a fruitcake celebrates a six month anniversary? Hey, when you're robbing the casket, every day is a gift.
Benny, why don't you put the dress on and I'll do your makeup.
You wanna get going.
You got a big night ahead of you.
I don't wanna go anywhere.
I don't like surprises.
And I don't have my big night underwear on.
Come on, it'll be fun.
We're going to wine bar that Angie recommended.
Don't worry, I called ahead, they have beer.
Then we're going to a seafood restaurant Angie recommended.
Don't worry, I called ahead, they have chicken.
And then, after toothpicks, I've got a little anniversary present for you.
- What is it? - Well, not here, Benny.
When I give it to you, I want the mood to be right.
Let me get an empty jug, and I'll toot you all some courting music right there.
All right.
Let's just cut out the romance and just give it to me.
Okay? Here? Well, hang on, babe.
Let's do this right.
I love you.
What's this? It's the key to my apartment.
Metaphorically, it's the key to my heart.
I think it's time we take things to the next level, Benita.
The next level, huh? Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
I tell you what.
I'm just gonna go shimmy into this little number and then, you know, we can just head out.
This is so exciting.
I can't wait to see her in a dress! That was horrible.
She doesn't deserve you, Randy.
Why would she do that, George? Wait, we don't even know if that was her.
That could have been the neighbor's car.
I'm gonna go check.
Mother? I'm sure this will all work out.
Why aren't you on the floor? Oh, um I met a girl at Thirsty's last night and I might have given her the impression that I have my own office with my own phone line, so Go to work, and I'll get you when she calls.
Well, you can't answer the phone, "Powers Brothers Aviation.
" - Why not? - I might have given her the impression that I was an insurance adjuster.
That's your lie to get women? What, "professor of lovemaking" doesn't work anymore? You can't sit here all day.
Go back to work.
Oh, no, I told her to call before lunch, so, you know Oh, okay.
Hello? A, uh, big insurance company.
Get back to work! Hey, where were you last night? I called, like, 20 times.
Then I came to your house.
Hear me pounding on the door? You know my credit.
Somebody's always pounding on my door.
Benny, how could you walk out on me? I opened myself up to you, I gave you my key.
And I threw it in the Pacific Ocean.
I had to get rid of some used motor oil and paint, anyway.
Why are you pushing me away? Why are you trying to ruin what we had? We were doing really good before you wanted to "take it to the next level.
" - What do you want from me? - More than I'm getting.
Why can't I spend the night for once? Why do you always have to kick me out right after we have relations? I'm tired of hearing, "Nice work, pal, but I watch the news alone.
" I wouldn't have to say it, if you would learn to get dressed in the dark.
When my cigarette goes out, then you should too.
- Benny, we're gonna deal with this.
- No, I'm done dealing with it.
- I'm not done.
- Know what? When I say you're done, that's when you're done.
- If I'm done, why am I still talking? - I don't know.
I think about that all time Mom, Randy, in my office.
Now.
I warned you two about bringing your forbidden love into work.
When you punch in you're not my mom and you're not the wrinkle-chaser dating her.
You're employees, so act like it.
And, Mom, bring back my CD player.
That's not part of this, but Max said he saw it at your house.
I came here to work today.
He is the one who started this fight, okay? You know, he is the only man in the world who's not happy that he can just hit it and quit it.
Listen, I'm sorry about all this, George.
I'm just a passionate man.
When I'm around your mom, my one-sixteenth Apache comes out.
I don't know what you want with my mom, but I'm gonna tell you one thing.
You're not gonna get warmth and affection.
I wanted it, too, when I was a kid, and I didn't get it.
She's cold, man.
She used to take my temperature the other way just because she thought it was funny.
What are you saying, George? She is who she is.
You have to accept that, or you're wasting your time.
I hear you, George.
Powers Brothers Aviation.
- Car and House Insurance.
Yeah, Ernie's here.
But Ernie's really not an insurance adjuster.
The truth is, he's a machinist.
And he makes a good salary.
He's a good guy.
He lives with his parents, so he makes enough money to pay for a foster kid with an alcoholic mom and Hello? What the hell did you say to Randy? What's your problem now? He just dumped me.
- What? - Don't you act all surprised.
If you hadn't opened your mouth, he would've gotten over that "take it to the next level" crap.
We would've gone back to the way we were.
This is all your fault! Oh, yeah, you're right.
This is my fault! I'm the one who sleeps with a man young enough to be a son then freaks out when he wants something more.
Yeah, that's me! All I wanna do is sleep with beefy young guys and then throw them away! That's right, Brad, walk away.
This fur is pretty but this kitty's got claws.
Let's move on to hair care, hmm? Now, I need someone to help demonstrate the new La Marie leave-in conditioner.
Well, how about you, Max? Is that the junk that burned my scalp? He's referring to the invigorating tingling that lets you know that it's working, ha, ha.
Because, ladies, beautiful hair is what keeps your man happy.
Sorry, ladies.
We have a homeless problem in the neighborhood and sometimes they just wander in.
Come on, sir, I'll get you a warm bowl of soup and hose you down in the front yard.
What do you think you're doing? Angie's got customers out there.
What is going on? And why are you walking around in a robe? Because I got no one to get dressed for.
I got no one to get undressed for.
George screwed up my relationship with Randy.
George, what did you do? I told him he has to accept my mom the way she is.
What a horrible thing to say! He never wanted me to date, and now he's made sure I won't.
Come on, Mom, there'll be other guys.
There's a couple billion on the planet.
There's gotta be two with the same fetish.
Even if I did meet another guy, you would just screw it up.
I'm done.
Oh.
By the way, I brought your CD player back.
It's been skipping.
You might wanna look into that.
I can't believe you did that.
I've never seen your mom this depressed.
What's everybody going so crazy about? What's the big deal about losing Randy? He gave my mom an STD.
He drinks like a fish, and half of his relatives are in prison! George, that's a catch for her.
Look, Randy may not be perfect, but he's sweet as can be.
He's got you fooled too? I'm telling you, something's not right.
My mom abuses him and he stays with her.
I'll tell you why.
He's gonna marry her, put a big insurance policy on her head and let the cigarettes do their work.
What if he really loves her? "What if he really loves her" What if he really loves her? What if he really loves her? Well, then I was wrong, and I ruined the remainder of my mom's life.
So? So you better be damn sure you're right about Randy.
And here's another thing.
If she's alone in her old age, she's gonna end up living here.
In this house.
For the rest of her life.
And your next wife is not gonna like that.
Yeah, Salma wouldn't mind.
Salma said extended family is very important to her.
- Salma? - Salma Hayek.
My second wife.
I'll walk in with hair like this and: I'm George Hayek.
That's right, you don't know.
She could love me.
- Hey, Randy, you got a minute? - Sure.
I was just sharing a little misery with Shelley here.
Tequila.
- So, what's up, George? - Look.
I know you and my mom broke up.
But I can't take the chance of you two fighting on the factory floor again.
I tried to keep personal feelings out of this, but I couldn't.
So I'm gonna fire my mom later.
What? Are you crazy? Benny's been there over 35 years.
If you've gotta fire somebody, fire me.
Look, I can't afford to lose you, Randy.
And Gina's gonna do my mom's work.
Hey, what about Gina? She's even older than my mom.
Nice condo at the marina, brand new titanium hips.
Look, Benny doesn't deserve this.
If you don't wanna fire me, I quit.
- So you'd actually quit for her? - I just did.
I would do anything for that woman, George.
I love her so much.
If I could, I'd lock her in a cage and show her off.
Like an exotic bird that no human hand should ever soil.
Hey, Randy, if I help you get her back do you promise me that you will lock her in a cage? Wait a minute, you're not firing her? I was just making sure you were for real.
I'm sorry.
Randy, your ex just walked in.
All right.
Just let me take care of this.
I want him out of this bar.
This is my bar! Everything can't always be your way, Benny! Look, he's got just as much right to be here as you do, Mom.
- Come over here.
I wanna talk to you.
- No.
George, this is where I come to forget my problems.
I don't wanna see him here.
I've been coming here since he was in diapers.
Since you were in diapers.
I even changed your diapers on this pool table! I used to powder your butt with the blue chalk.
Every story makes me closer to you.
This guy really cares about you, Mom.
You're making a big mistake.
- You're blowing this.
- You know, George.
He's the one who gave up his good thing, okay? He knows where to find it if he wants it.
Look, Mom, he's not gonna do that.
You've gotta give him something.
- Show him that you care.
- Well, maybe I don't care.
- Oh, you don't care? - That's right.
So if Shelley's been hitting on him for the last hour and he's gonna take her out Saturday night, that wouldn't bother you? Big deal.
I need a smoke.
Randy, I think I'm getting through to her.
So open up that cage door and soil yourself.
You know, what you were saying, with the thing.
What the hell are you doing to Randy's truck? Warming up for Randy's head! How could he do this to me? We just broke up.
- I thought you didn't care about him.
- I don't! Mom, stop it! Randy's not going out with Shelley.
- I just made that up! - What? Look, I wanted to prove something.
You wouldn't be going crazy like this if you didn't care about him.
Get over here.
I wanna show you how much I care about you.
Why do you have to beat up on the people you care about? I'll tell you why.
Because I'm gonna get them before they get me.
So, what, you think Randy's gonna be like my dad was? You think he's gonna run out on you and treat you like crap? Sooner or later, that's what they all do.
You know what, what if you're wrong? What if he's just a good guy? Then I don't know.
My truck! What happened? She thought you were flirting with Shelley.
She's crazy.
You destroyed my truck? You crazy, pint-sized, Mexican groundhog! You do love me.
Yeah, I was gonna smash up your windshield and George wouldn't let me.
Marry me.
Dude, what are you doing? She's still got that tire iron.
Okay.
- "Okay," what? - Okay, I'll marry you.
What? George, you finally got yourself a real dad! Randy, I'm not ready to take it to this level.
We really have to go out to dinner with them? George, this is huge.
Your mom just got engaged.
We should celebrate.
Evening, George.
- Randy.
- Oh, you look so handsome, ha, ha.
- Doesn't he, George? - We already went through this.
- Is Benny here? - Oh, yeah.
She's upstairs getting changed.
She'll just be a minute.
- So, junior - Odele.
Oh, my God.
Oh Um You know what? Um We're gonna give you guys a minute.
We'll just be in the living room.
Children.