Hannah Montana s03e16 Episode Script

Let's do this I love you, Las Vegas.
Remember, it's OK to take the shampoo but not the robes, although they can be purchased in the hotel lobby for $79.
95.
I can not believe the hotel makes me say that.
It's so embarrassing.
Yeah, and it's a downer way to end the concert.
It's like Mick Jagger saying: "Good night everybody, don't forget to pick the hairs out of your shower dryings.
Rock 'n Roll" Yo cowboy, turn that wagon train around, the room is over here No it's not.
It's over here.
Every night, same old thing I hate when he's right.
And he's gonna steal our pillow chocolates again.
Gosh! Traci? Hannah! What a wonderful surprise and Lola Hannah! What a wonderful surprise.
What are you doing here? Let me guess, auditioning for Cirque du So lame? Stop it! Funny, but stop it.
So why didn't you tell me you're gonna be in Vegas? I didn't tell anybody.
I can't.
It's a secret.
If you are a friend you'll respect that, OK? OK, bye.
Fine, if you're gonna keep hounding me about it I'll tell you.
I'm getting married tomorrow! What? And more specifically to what? At least somebody loves me you bitter anime character.
Whoa whoa whoa.
Marry? This is crazy! What idiot talked you into this? He's not an idiot.
He's my fiancee.
Jakey! Somethin' somethin' somethin' say what? Somethin' somethin' somethin'? What? It's the best I can do, I'm in shock here.
You get the limo out front.
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color.
Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.
It's really you but no one ever discovers.
Who would've thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds.
Chill it out, take it slow, then you rock out the show.
You get the best of both worlds.
Mix it all together and you know that It's the best of both worlds.
Hannah Montana S03E16 Jake Another Little Piece Of My Heart Oops - argh, wrong floor! Not so fast, lover-boy! B.
T.
W, hate the outfit.
B.
T.
W, I can change the outfit.
You're stuck with the voice FOREVER! It's a nasal condition! Now Miley, before you get upset, I just want to say Me? Upset? No! I'm just so happy to see you making the worst decisions of your life! -Hello.
-Oh.
Oh my.
What's this? A proposal? A propasal? To her? Are you kidding me! Yeah, I mean, we're just teenagers.
You know, barely more than childen -- practically babies.
Gettin' married would be about the dumbest thing we could do, right, Jake? Well, I don't know if I'd call it dumb.
Oh really, what would you call it? Stupid, idiotic, irresponsible? Yeah, I'd go with all those.
Oh good.
The lobby! No, no -- it's the nineteenth floor! Close enough.
I'll take my chances with the stairs.
Look, I know it's sudden, but I love Traci! And I want to be with her forever! Jake, you barely know her! You barely know yourself.
We're talking about a lifetime commitment! You change your phone plans every six weeks! That's 'cause a new one comes along that I like better.
Then why be stuck with the same phone plan for the rest of your life! If you and Traci really love each other you guys'll still feel that way in a couple of years.
Han, Han, Han, Han! She just saw your concert.
Would you please sign her programme? Sure.
What's your name, babe? Ti Ti Ti Ti It's Tiffany.
OK.
Dear Tiffany.
Never make the mistake of marrying too young.
Surveys show that teen marriages are more likely to end in the tragedy of divorce! Never let one impulsive decision haunt you until the day you die! Love always, Hannah.
Here you go, sweetie.
-All I wanted was "rock on.
" -Shhh.
Hey! How about that.
Neither one of us want advice from you.
I'm outta here.
No you're not! Hey! Everybody! It's Hannah Montana! Hey everybody! There's Jake Ryan! Why do I have to be more famous! So Allison what made you decide to give me a second chance? Was it my sense of humor? My charm? My constant begging? Wait a minute.
We went out before? No.
Heyo! Jackson.
What are you doing on the floor? There's a lovely young lady here.
I'm guessing you're either lost or on some sort of pity date.
Who is he? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm being rude argh Allison I'd like you to meet Rico.
Rico I'd like you to meet the door.
Whoa whoa whoa! Remember when I said I was opening Camp Rico? And you said that if the brats ever got bored I could bring them here? I never said that.
Well it's your word against mine.
Come on in kids! Meet Uncle Jackson.
Master of Magic and balloon animals! No no no! There is no way.
Save your breath.
Kid No.
3 wants an octopus! -Me first! -No me first! No no me first! Sorry kids but these lips got other plans.
-Ewgh! -Yeah.
Fine.
I guess we'll go back to the beach.
But it's raining! Be brave little one.
Be brave.
Come on, Jackson.
I don't mind I love kids.
Just let them stay.
Let 'em stay! Let 'em stay! Let 'em stay! Let 'em stay! OK! Fine! You can stay.
I love kids too! Dude you totally planned this! Please.
I can't control the weather.
Or can I? Wahahaha! Hi, Jakey, it's me Traci.
-Miley, what are you doing? -Sshh! Hi Trace, what's up? Um I've been thinking about it and we are too young, so I won't be marrying you tomorrow.
Oh and if you see me anywhere in the hotel, don't talk to me I hate you.
Alright if that's the way you feel, bye Miley.
Bye Jake! Dang it! How did he know it was me? Well he's either A, telepathic, B, a witch, or C, caller ID! I'll go with witch it makes me look less stupid.
No, not really.
OK, I left messages for both Jake and Traci's phones.
Now don't worry, once they call me back I'm going to straighten out this whole mess.
It's all gonna be fine.
Then why are you sweating more than Uncle Earl on back-waxing Wednesday, yaow! Oh, come on, Miley.
It's not that Oh, it just hit me.
I'm sorry, honey, I just can't help it.
I mean, what if it was you making a mistake like this? Sacrificing your independence, tying yourself down before you've even had a chance to explore the rest of the world throwing away the rest of your life before you've even started living it! Why would you do this to me? Why would you? Darling why! Don't worry Daddy.
I'm not getting married until I'm at least twenty-five.
Thirty.
Forty eighty! Dad, I want to walk down the aisle, not be wheeled down it.
I'm sorry, honey.
I just want you to make good choices.
Oh, OK, and right now I choose to breathe through my mouth until you get your stinky pits out of my smell zone! Is that your loving way of telling me I need to go take a shower? Yes please.
And feel free to use the whole little bar of hotel soap.
Okey dokey.
Whoa.
I haven't held my breath that long since birth.
Traci? Well Hannah, I just talked to Jake, and thanks to you, I will not be wearing this fabulous wedding dress tomorrow.
Oh really? I mean really? Yes.
Cause we're getting married tonight! -What! -What! That's right! In a matter of minutes I am going to be Mrs.
Jake Ryan! Chao.
I'm sorry Traci, I can't let you do this! Help me! Grab it! Traci! Jakey! Helpie! Grab me! What is she? Part of sled dog? I broke a nail.
Now it's personal! We're still expecting a gift.
Something returnable please! Well I guess that's it.
No.
I am not going to let him do this.
Dad he's the only one that can stop it.
-Woops! -I know! Where's your keys? In there! Smooth move! Dad!! Dad!! Hotel shampoo smells real good, do dah, do dah! Just the hand of sandalwood, all the do dah day! Dad! Great.
He's going to lather, rinse and repeat.
Dang that hair-loving hillbilly.
Come on come on! No time.
Stairs! Lola! And now, with the power invested in me by the State of Nevada.
Stop the wedding! They're too young.
My bad.
Opsies.
Don't make eye contact.
That's the wacko from the elevator.
Oh, so sorry to barge in but you know it really is a great story to tell the kids.
No pressure or anything.
Plus they like a good story too.
Wacko.
Hey! Congratulations.
Eighty is the new seventy-five! Wait a minute.
You're Hannah Montana! Argh! Do my nieces love yoose! Yeah great thanks.
Um do you know anything about a "Jake Ryan" wedding? Well I know I'm uniting a happy couple in five minutes for $ 49.
95.
They were too cheap to spend the extra five dollars on the Al Blaine arrow of love! Marie! We're going to need another dove.
The other Vegas cupids you know they don't got these! There's more of them? Well I know where I'll be coming for my wedding! So, where is the happy couple? They're right through that door.
Which is why yoose is going through that door.
Oh sir you don't understand -- Sorry, no, no, no.
Specific instructions from the bride.
Who by the way has a voice that goes through you like my Aunt Rose's day old through the casserole.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Cupid needs to use the little Angel's room.
You said your nieces are fans, right? Fans! Oh, forget about it.
Lola.
Go bang on the door until you get my Dad.
I'll stall the wedding.
-OK.
-go! So, cupe.
Baby.
How would your nieces like to see the concert from the front row? -Oh! -Oh! Go ahead.
Pull it if you want.
We Latin's have roots of steel! What a cutie you are! I know.
And I'm rich too! It's almost not fair.
I'm so glad we let them stay, Jackson! Isn't this fun! I'm sorry did you say something? I can't hear anything over the blood pounding in my ears! Here you go, kid.
But I wanted a giraffe! Hey.
Tonight's not going the way I planned either.
Enjoy your worm! I don't want a worm! Well, then it's a sword! Cool.
Let's get him! I'm scared.
But it's just a movie about a mermaid and her friends.
I know, but the singing crab scares me.
Oh.
Oh, it's OK.
Don't let us touch the floor, it's made of lava! I know.
Down in front! No problem.
What a wimp! Want me to call you a "wim"-bulance? Hey, hey guys! Guess what! I think the rain stopped! You kids can totally go back to the beach now! Yippee, come on, let's go! Yeah! It's barely a trickle! Come on! Where's the lovely couple? Yo, Cupid.
Over here.
Oh, there they are.
And here I am! Little help here! Oh, Thank you.
Can we move on with it, please? Oh, someone's a Naggy Nelly.
Fifty years of that voice, I'm just saying.
Please, we just want to get married.
We don't want to miss the Late Show with Carrot Top! -Oh, you got me tickets to Carrot Top! -Surprise! Oh, you two are so cute.
And so very young.
So very, very, very, very Mr.
Stewart! Mr.
Stewart! Very, very, 'a' very Young! We get it.
Can we get married now? Oh.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
I love this shower man and that's a fact Now it's time to scrub my hairy back.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course! Oh, this is agonizing! Oh, speaking of agonizing her voice, I'm just saying! I happen to love her voice.
Really? Argh That's it! We don't need you.
This city is crawling with cupids.
You're not going anywhere! Say hello to my little friend! Um.
Owgh? Oh, give it up, Stupid Cupid! Fifty years of that voice.
I'm just saying! I can't let you guys do this.
Hannah? You gotta listen to me, this is the biggest mistake of your life.
OK.
OK? Gotcha! Oh no! That's right, Hannah Montana! You are this week's victim on Gotcha! Hold up there! Stop the wedding! Little late there, Daddy.
Hey! Who's getting Gotcha-ed? Ohhh gotta go.
Argh, wait up! Love your show.
I cannot believe you did this to me.
Look, I'm sorry, we figured you'd just run and yelling "hey, stop the wedding!" But we didn't think you'd wear this bad suit and prop wings.
You know, maybe this is a joke to you, but I was really worried.
You were, weren't you.
Of course I was, you big dummy.
You're one of my best friends, I really care about you.
I am? Like one of those best friends you can't stay mad at even when they really mess up? Yes.
OK, well then stop hitting me.
OK.
Now I'm good.
I really am sorry.
Just didn't realize you know, you were still so into me.
You did not just go there! Oh, come on.
You're telling me that that was all about me and Traci being too young? Nothing about you and me? Look, Jake.
I know we had a thing once, but it is over.
I'm done.
Moved on.
I feel nothing.
Good, because I feel less than nothing.
Oh, good.
Cause if you dug under the less than nothing that you feel, you get what I feel, but you wouldn't feel anything cause I feel nothing.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
And I'll prove it to you.
There.
Like kissing a catfish a dead, cold catfish with slimy lips.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Stupid Rico! Whiny brats! Kid No.
3 needs to go No.
2, Jackson! Just show him to the bathroom, I'll take care of your lady.
Muhahahaha hi Allison.
Hey.
You know, things got so crazy last night, I didn't get a chance to say how great you were with the kids.
Oh yeah.
Oh, well, I just love the little critters; they're just so cute.
Well, I just wanted to thank you.
I mean, it wasn't exactly a date, but I had a lot of fun.
-Really? -Yeah.
Well, you know, we were sort of in the middle of something before we were so rudely interrupted.
Oh, we were? You're gonna have to jog my memory.
Sorry I just argh Are you getting sick? No I always sneeze when I'm happy.
And I cough too.
You're getting sick.
You know what maybe we should do this another time.
No no no wait - I think I'm feeling better.
Ewgh! But it's a cute "newgh" right? Right! Rico!