Jessie s03e16 Episode Script

Kids, hurry up! You'll be late for school! We only have Thirty minutes! The bus waited so long yesterday, a tow truck showed up! Okay, I'm ready for school.
Where's my leaf project? You didn't do it? It's due today! Jessie, we have a deal.
I put stuff off until the last minute, and you do it for me.
I told you I wouldn't do that anymore after I had to play George Washington in your school's history pageant.
By the way, nailed it.
I cannot tell a lie Your performance stunk! I had nothing to work with! The kid playing Martha was as wooden as my teeth! Whatever, I'll come up with something.
That's what you said about your volcano project.
And I got it done.
You turned in a photo of a pimple on Bertram's back.
It was perfect! I caught it right before it erupted! All you had to do was collect and label 30 leaves.
You should've started this a week ago.
You should've given me that advice a week ago.
You're such a procrastinator.
Jessie, major crisis! Two different guys just asked me to the Walden carnival this afternoon.
Are they both horrible jerks with dead end jobs, who make you pick up the check because they left their wallet in their girlfriend's car? No Then I can't relate.
Get dressed.
We only have 29 minutes.
How can I pick an outfit when I haven't picked a date? Besides, I don't have anything to wear! Your closet is like a mall.
It has an escalator.
And a food court! Now get up there, get dressed, and bring me back one of those big soft pretzels.
Luke? Any chance you're ready? Almost.
Did you stay up all night watching movies again? No.
I played some video games, too.
Get dressed.
No problem.
I'm on it.
No, no, no.
Why is it always so difficult to get you guys out the door on time? My art class project is complete, and, as usual, I am ready.
Great job, Ravi.
I am not ready! Nothing on the table, nothing on the stove You might be taking this "light breakfast" concept a little far.
I'm trying! Well, try harder! I promised Christina I would do a better job of getting the kids to school on time.
And quit taking her helicopter to yoga class.
The grocery store started using this stupid delivery app.
I placed the order like Well, you need to enter a password.
Why do you say that? Because this error message says, "Please enter a password.
" Here, say it into the phone.
Big boy.
It didn't hear you.
Big boy! Really? Hey, well it worked, but it says the food won't be here for grab us breakfast at the deli? You mean actually go out and gather food myself? Like a caveman? Or better yet, you can grab some food at the snack stand in the park, and take Zuri with you, so she can collect her leaves.
No way.
Going outside before noon is against everything I stand for.
When do you stand? Zuri, are you rea Uh-oh.
There's no good answer to this, but what's the rope for? I saw a nice leafy plant on Mrs.
Chesterfield's terrace So I lassoed it, and I'm bringing it up! You know, there is a park across the street.
You know what you can find there? Tourists? Muggers? Mimes? Am I getting warm? 'Cause I got some leaves to collect! I know, that's why Bertram's taking you to the park.
They have these giant leaf holders there called trees! Okay, guess I won't be needing this then.
Sorry, Zeus! Jessie, I cannot recreate my plaster mask of Mrs.
Kipling.
It takes five minutes to harden, and she refuses to sit still for it again.
Maybe you could bribe her with a rat? She is a penthouse lizard now.
She only eats rats that are slow-roasted in an heirloom tomato reduction.
And I do not have the time.
You could just tie her down Or we could find another model who can't eat us.
Fine with me.
Any suggestions? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That Luke should be checked for a deviated septum? Yes, but also he can be your model.
Now get to work, before he wakes up.
I cannot make a mold of Luke's face without permission.
Then you'll have to turn it in late.
You can't get an A every time.
I didn't, and look at me now.
I will get the plaster.
Emma, you'd better be dressed! You have to be out the door in 22 minutes! I still haven't decided who to go out with.
Michael's a preppy, but Blake's a leather jacket kind of guy.
There's nothing I can wear that goes with both those looks.
Okay, how about you make a pro and con list? Good idea.
Ooh, do I have enough glitter? The guy at the snack stand hadn't started cooking yet, so all I got was a bunch of ingredients.
But, like I always say, when life gives you eggs, make a frittata.
You never say that.
So, did you get all your leaves? Yep.
I grabbed everything I saw that was green.
If we pass a kid looking for his lunch money, keep walking.
Ravi, be careful with that.
You don't wanna wake him up.
Impossible.
Remember our trip to the Pittsburgh Powertool Festival? He slept through the whole thing.
By the way, terrible vacation idea.
Hey, they gave out free drill bits and stud finders.
Huh? What's going on? Wait a minute.
I can't see.
Oh, no! Aliens have landed and stolen my eyeballs! Or there is cotton on your eyes.
Is this glue on my face? Luke, I would never allow Ravi to put glue on your face while you slept.
It's quick-drying plaster.
I needed a model for my project, and you happened to be both nearby and unconscious.
You are what we in the plaster business call "mold gold.
" Don't worry, Luke.
The mask is completely harmless.
Then why didn't you do it? Are you kidding? I'm not gonna risk my moneymaker.
The five minutes are up.
I will pop this off in a jiffy.
Uh, are you sure it won't hurt? Everything will be fine.
Uh-oh.
"Uh-oh," what? Why isn't it coming off? Uh, there is a small chance that in my haste, I forgot to apply the non-adhesive base.
Whoopsie.
Whoopsie? Now, now, don't overreact.
I'm not going to overreact.
I'm going to panic! Be careful with my mask! Uh, could you try to panic from the neck down? You guys are going to be late! Pull harder! I am trying to be gentle.
There's no time to be gentle! I'm getting a crowbar.
No, please! I need this face in one piece.
And I need the one under it! - I got the groceries! - I got the leaves! Breakfast is coming up.
Great! I'm starving.
I'll just blend yours up, and you can drink it through one of your nose straws.
Jessie! Emma, do I need to remind you that you're one tardy away from being suspended? If you keep asking me questions, I'm going to be late, and it'll be all your fault! Stay calm, stay calm.
Ravi, try not to hurt your brother.
If you need me, I'll be upstairs, trying not to hurt your sister.
Emma, what is taking so much Glitter.
I did exactly what you suggested and made pro and con lists for my two potential dates.
Okay I'm starting to see the cons of suggesting that.
Michael's pros are he's super-sweet, smart, and easy to talk to.
On the con side He's okay looking.
Why do you have his picture under cons? Because this is Blake Whoa, that is a giant pro.
Does he have an older bro? - I don't know.
- I hope so.
- Are we done? - Yes.
Sorry.
So, what are his cons? Well, he's a little self-absorbed, not the best listener, and he's always running late.
Yeah.
I can see how annoying that might be.
Oh, and sometimes the sparkle from his smile can get a little blinding.
Emma, just pick one.
They both seem fine, and it's not like you're going to marry either of these guys.
This is more important than marriage.
This is high school! You're just staying after school for a carnival.
It's basically detention with snow cones! Now, I am going to carefully pry the mask from your face.
Remain perfectly still and please remember, skin grows back.
Hey, wait! That's my stainless steel Easy Grip 3000! That's not very sanitary! Okay, kids, chew as quickly as you can, without biting your tongues off.
Hey! Where's mine? One frittata smoothie.
Enjoy.
Uh Ooh, cheesy! Zuri, aren't you going to eat? As soon as I get these leaves glued on the poster.
Wait, these aren't my leaves.
That's the spinach I bought in the park! Well, if that's the spinach, then what's in the spinach frittata? Oh, no! You're all eating my homework! Luke, did you not hear Zuri? Whatever.
It's just some leaves.
I also collected some caterpillars for next week's project.
Jessie, this is a disaster! What am I gonna do? How 'bout doing your assignments on time from now on? How 'bout people stop cooking my work? Jessie, I don't know what to do.
Maybelle just texted me, and Justin asked her to the carnival, but his sister used to date the cousin of Blake's ex-girlfriend's dog-walker.
So if Maybelle says yes to Justin, and I say yes to Blake, this could get complicated! Yeah, we wouldn't want that to happen! Jessie, I'm scared! I have a cement face, and I just stuffed it with caterpillars.
Okay, don't worry.
I'm sure Ravi can get the plaster off.
And those bugs were good, free-range protein.
He's sharpening stuff! You'll be fine.
Wha Okay, let's make this fast.
Look! I found an app that takes pictures of two people and creates a rendering of what their future kids might look like.
I wonder if there's an app that shows what punctual kids might look like.
So if Michael and I got married someday, this would be our child Ew.
He's definitely not going to be on a baby-food jar.
Unless it's for baby trolls.
Hey! That's my troll baby! Sorry.
On the other hand, if Blake and I get married someday This will be our baby.
That's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.
Imagine what he'd look like with glitter.
This is a bad idea.
Okay, I'm still a little blinded from the beautiful, shiny baby, but it looks like you're playing tug-of-war with Luke.
I need my mask! Ready? No! On three, Mrs.
Kipling! One Two Three! Ah, what a relief! Do I have some of that goop left on my face? Actually, it's what you don't have on your face.
I don't get it.
I will give you two hints.
You destroyed my face! So now I'm going to destroy your project, which is also my face! I did not think he was this angry.
Well, without the eyebrows, it was hard to tell.
Luke, please do not break the mask.
If I do not turn it in, I will lose my perfect, 4.
0 grade point average.
Ravi, you're getting an A in P.
E.
? P.
E.
does not count.
It stands for "Pointless Exercise.
" Okay, Luke.
What is it going to take to get you to hand over that mask? We only have Ten minutes until the bus comes.
He's not getting his face back until I get the rest of mine.
Way ahead of you.
I already called in an expert.
Okay, what's the make-up emergency? Whatever it is, I can fix it.
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
My problem is that I'm going to be unemployed if you guys don't stop goofing around.
Now, put some make-up on your brother.
Whoa! You look like a freckly little mannequin.
She is not putting make-up on me.
I'm just going to grow them back myself.
Is anything growing? Yes, my fear for your future.
Don't worry, I got this.
But first Smile.
Jessie! Oh, well, someone was bound to do it.
Now, hold still and let her return you to normal.
Or whatever you were before.
Nice outfit, by the way, Emma.
I'm glad one person is ready to walk out the door.
Oh, I am so not ready.
This is only option four out of ten.
I'll be lucky to get to school before seventh period.
The school day only has six periods.
I know, but after that is when I get all my meetings and trendsetting done.
All I did after school was play Chinese checkers with the librarian.
She'd get really mad when I won.
I still have a marble lodged in my ear.
That sounds horrible! Hmm? Hurry up! Zuri, you'd better be done, because I've been dealing with missing eyebrows, future babies, and masks held hostage.
So I don't need leaf problems on top of that.
I'm finished, no thanks to you.
I can't believe I had to do my homework all by myself.
I hope you're happy.
I am happy, because that's what you're supposed to do.
What is that? My project! I was supposed to gather these are all different.
No, they're all spinach, painted different colors.
None of which occur in nature.
Hey, my teacher can't prove what we do or do not grow on our private island.
You may not be the most motivated fourth-grader, but you're going to make one heck of a lawyer.
Oh, no! Please don't let anymore of his face be missing.
What is it? What's wrong? Look what she did to me! Yeah, okay.
I should have seen that coming.
Does he not look good, Jessie? Tell him he looks good.
I don't know why he's so cranky.
These would cost him 200 bucks downtown.
That's it! I'm not going to school, and neither is this stupid mask.
Luke, don't! No, stop.
I know this seems like the end of the world.
At school, everyone judges you by how you look.
But someday you'll realize that what's outside isn't so important.
It's what's on the inside that matters.
Are you out of your mind? I have girl eyebrows! I'll get destroyed at school.
On the bright side, the swirly you will undoubtedly receive, will rinse them right off.
Luke, give back the mask.
You're late.
Tough.
That's it! I am sick and tired of this.
I promised Christina you'd be on time for school, but every morning it's the same stupid battle.
You're old enough to get up, pick out your clothes, do your homework, and not rip off your brother's eyebrows without me having to yell at you! Am I clear? Yes.
Sorry.
By the way, you yelled just a tad.
I did not! I promised myself I wouldn't yell! Okay, now I hear it! So did New Jersey.
Luke, give Ravi that mask.
Okay.
Here, Ravi.
Catch.
No! Ravi can't catch! Huzzah! Luke, perhaps you will take comfort that some small part of you will finally receive an A.
Yes! No! Suddenly, my leaf project is looking a whole lot better.
Go, go, go.
Come on.
Okay, all right.
Elevator, people! The bus will be here any second.
Emma, I hope you and Blake enjoy the carnival.
Actually, I'm going to say yes to Michael.
Really? How come? It was what you said about the outside not being so important, and that what really counts is on the inside.
You mean my speech to Luke worked on you? Aw, that is so great.
I really needed a nanny-win today.
Oh, maybe if I tell you to shower, Luke will do it.
That's funny.
What? Michael says I was taking too long, so he asked out Maybelle.
I guess I'll just have to go out with the super-hunk, instead.
Why does everything happen to me? You'll get through this, you're a survivor.
Hey, look! I fixed my eyebrows! I borrowed Zuri's marker.
These ought to ward off the wedgies.
Perhaps I should draw on a pair of those bad boys.
You can't pull that off.
I just got a confirmation! They're sending up the food I ordered! Oh.
Whoa! And I thought I had an online shopping problem.
I guess I really did submit the order 30 times.
No time to unload all this stuff, but if anyone's still hungry, we have instant oatmeal and some bottled water.
You can mix it in your mouth on the way down.
Okay! Have a nice day! Send the groceries back up! And Luke's going to school in his pajamas.
I am completely exhausted.
And that wasn't even the worst morning this week.
At least we have seven hours of peace and quiet before they get back.
We're back! How did you get expelled already? You just left! We just got text reminders.
All of our classes are canceled! It is parent-teacher conference day! Why didn't they tell you that sooner? They did! We just forgot.
Better hurry, Jessie, our teachers do not like to be kept waiting.
Wait.
You mean I have to go to school today? Tick tock! You're late! Guess that outfit will have to do! But I never got breakfast! Well, you should have woken up earlier.
Every day, it's the same thing with her.
I'm not going to yell.
I'm not going to yell.