Las Vegas s03e16 Episode Script

Here's Howie Mandel.
It's so good to meet you, man! Nice to meet you.
You know what? I don't, uh, shake.
I do this.
Oh! So good to meet you.
Your show tonight is gonna be awesome! Yeah! See ya! He's so cool.
Sanitary hand wipe? Oh, thank you.
You are the best.
Well, we aim to please.
I, uh - I love what you've done with the Montecito.
Thank you.
The other place blew up, so we really didn't have a choice.
Mr.
Grimaldi, Sam Marquez.
I'm your host.
Oh, fine.
I trust that the Montecito jet was to your liking? Mm-hmm.
And the driver met you inside? Yeah.
Sir, we're sending your bags up to our best suite.
Would you like to unpack for yourself or would you like us to do that for you? I'm sorry, Ms.
Marquez.
I'm not sure that I'll be spending the night.
Oh? And is there someone else that I can deal with? Uh, yes, well- I-I'm sorry, sir.
I'm not sure what you mean? Is there someone else I can deal with? Someone who isn't you? Oh.
Oh, I get it.
I'm a woman.
Please, Mr.
Grimaldi, don't let that concern you.
Underneath all of this, I'm practically a man.
In fact, trust me, there's nothing that you can say, do, ask for that could possibly surprise me, offend me, repulse me.
I'm happy to hear that.
Still, I would like another host.
I trust that can be arranged? Have I done something to offend you? Not at all.
Okay.
Well, then, surely you can see your way to giving me a chance? I promise you won't be sorry.
Very well.
You have until, um - until I change my mind.
Thank you jackass.
We're gonna make a fortune off this buffet.
How do you make a fortune spending a lot of money and not taking any in? Well,just try not to look.
Well, I'm afraid I already did.
And it looks like a zoo in there.
They're throwing it back like pelicans, for crying out loud.
Excuse me.
Kerri Kowalski from Jackson, Mississippi.
Hey, there.
Oh, Kowalski's daughter? The very one and only.
Right.
Your dad here? Oh, no.
He couldn't make it.
Damn.
That's too bad.
But he wanted me to bring you these.
Ah, pigs' feet? He thought you might have run out by now.
Aw, heck, no.
I-I still have a little bit from last year's batch.
Oh! Got some extra.
Kerri, I'm- I'm sorry, it's been such a long time- Since you saved my daddy's life.
I know.
He tells the story every Sunday night.
I mean, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.
Actually, my whole family wouldn't be here.
So, thank you.
Daddy told me you'd be able to give me some advice on real estate here.
He did? Mm-hmm.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Uh, Kerri, this is my daughter, Delinda.
Hey! How are you? You too.
Nice to meet you.
You're thinking of moving here? Actually, the whole family.
The whole family? Oh, yeah.
You know, uh, Delinda, maybe you could help her out a little bit, show her some real estates.
Oh, I wish I could, but Wolfgang needs me.
Sorry.
But enjoy the feet.
Thank you.
Hey.
Ow.
Ow.
I'll call you back.
Danny, I'd like you to meet Kerri Kowalski.
Hi.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
Hey! Her whole family is thinking of moving out here, and, um, she needs a little advice, and I thought you'd give it to her about the real estate market.
Are you sure? If you recall, my last real estate experience didn't go too well.
Right.
Hey, tell you what.
Um, I'll take care of her and you take care of her.
- Who's she? - That's Norma Pitts.
You remember, from Monica's will.
- The one she gave a million bucks to? - That's me.
- And the one who flushed Monica's ashes down the toilet? - Me again.
So what brings you to town, honey? Well, things have certainly gone well for me here.
Can't really say the same about Akron.
You know what? I'm sorry to interrupt, but my dear friend's daughter is here, and I'm kinda busy with this, so I thought maybe Danny would be able to help you out.
I've got that thing- Anything you need at all.
Excuse us.
Come on.
- So how are things? - People started treating me different after Monica left me the money.
They were either too nice or not too nice.
People seem to place a lot of emphasis on money.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
It is great and all.
But it's not who you are, and it sure doesn't buy you happiness.
Mmm.
Are you hungry? Sure! Mmm! These shrimp are fantastic.
You got a little- The new buffet was Delinda's idea.
Oops.
You drop one in there? Yeah.
I love shrimp.
I love 'em.
Me too.
Mmm.
Uh, I don't believe this is mine.
Oh, my God.
Is that a fin- Finger.
Is that a finger? Ah.
! It's a finger.
! Cool! Get away from there! Come on, baby, let's go! d Boy,you feelin'lucky tonight d d Roll the dice again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d You gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d Are you gonna play tonight d d'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side d d By your side By your side d d Gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride dd Well, here you go, sweetheart.
Okay then, uh- Tell me exactly what happened.
There was a finger in her cocktail sauce.
She, uh- She- She put it in her mouth.
It was actually half a finger.
You don't think I ate the other half, do you? First a kidney, now a finger.
What? What? Oh, nothing.
I sent Mike down to the kitchen to see if he can figure out who it belongs to.
Norma, honey, um, what we'd like to do here is, uh,just get all your stuff and move you into the very best suite we have.
Whatever it is you want, anything, it's on the house, for as long as you need it.
Really? Sure.
As a matter of fact, I'd like to walk you up there now and help you get settled.
Actually, would you mind if Danny took me? It's nothing personal.
It's just that we suffered this really traumatic experience together.
Sure, I understand.
Um, no problem.
I'm sure Danny would, uh, love to take you up there.
Of course, of course.
Anything you need.
I'm there for you.
Thank you.
All right, honey.
I'm gonna need to check the hands of every member of your kitchen staff, right down to the dishwashers.
This can't be happening.
Starting with you.
I think I would know if someone in here lost a finger.
Yeah, you'd think.
Nobody's ever gonna step foot in my buffet line again.
I've inspected every single dish that's come out of this kitchen.
Instead of defending yourself, let's play a little offense.
The sooner we find our four-fingered man, the better shot we have at damage control.
My entire stay is ruined because of this finger thing.
Why should I pay for any of it? Our boys are having nightmares.
It just happened an hour ago.
It's 2:00.
They're three.
They nap.
I'll tell you what, we'll, um, comp your meal, your minibar bill, get you a late checkout.
Excuse me.
Norm! Hey, Mary.
What brings you to the Montecito? I think you know.
No.
Uh-uh.
No.
No.
Take a minute.
Maybe you'll put your finger on it.
Danny.
Norm.
- I was just telling Norm here that this whole finger thing- - What finger thing? Exactly, is just fiction.
I'd like to talk to the young lady.
Maybe she could set me straight.
What was her name again? Nice try.
- When a certain blonde peed behind a booth at Tao, you know who was there? - You were.
I will find out what happened, Danny boy.
I always do.
Well, I'm here.
Erika.
! The, uh- The bartender at the strip club.
You said to look you up if I wanted a change of scenery.
I did.
- You finally got sick of working there, huh? - Sick of looking at pathetic guys slobbering over half-naked women.
- Well, then, you came to the wrong place.
- She's kidding.
She's kidding.
Uh, come with me.
Find anything you like? A few things.
So, Erika, I'm gonna set you up at Opus.
The head bartender's name is john.
Mm-hmm.
Nine, 10.
Thanks, Eric.
Sure, Mike.
Five and five.
Thanks, Pedro.
Yup, all there.
Well, I guess that's it.
Okay, from this shift, there's seven or eight employees off today.
I have to imagine, though, that if one did lose a finger, Mike, I mean, don't you think they would have said something, like, " ouch"? How bad is it? Coming on the heels of the kidney? Total disaster across the board.
We, uh-We survived the kidney.
No one ate the kidney, and it didn't get all over town.
Let's just say it was a total scam, like the- like the finger at that fast-food joint? We would have no responsibility, right? Well, even though that was a scam and they weren't sued, their bottom line got crushed.
Lost about a million dollars a day.
So assuming she sues, uh, how much could she get? How about the east wing? Right, there she is scooping up the cocktail sauce.
Push in on that.
I don't see her planting the finger.
No.
- Well? - We don't see anything.
I was with her the whole time, and it was me that suggested the buffet, so I really don't think she had anything to do with this.
Oh, that's great.
We're in trouble.
Hey, maybe you can talk to her, convince her not to sue.
No, no.
You talk to her.
You suffered the same traumatic experience together.
But you're the president of operations.
Exactly.
And that's why I shouldn't talk to her.
It'd look like I'm trying to make some kind of deal.
You, on the other hand, it's just two adults enjoying each other's company.
What exactly are you suggesting? I'm not suggesting anything.
She's a woman alone in Vegas.
Everyone has some kind of Vegas fantasy.
Find out what she wants.
Just keep her happy till we figure out where this finger came from.
I know you have your favorite dealer at the Bellagio.
Peter.
Yes, Peter.
Peter.
Peter! Well, hey.
Mr.
Grimaldi.
It's good to see you, sir.
You too.
I stole him for you.
Would you like me to stay with you while you play for good luck? Uh, no.
That won't be necessary.
Oh.
Well, I had heard that you always like your host to stay with you, so I kind of cleared my schedule- Usually.
But, um, I'd rather be alone.
Oh.
Okay.
Hi.
He hates me.
Yeah, I can see that.
What? No, " Oh, no, Sam.
You're just reading into things.
It's not you, it's him.
" - Well, I'm sorry, sweetie, but the man obviously despises you.
- I know.
I don't get it.
I mean, usually when people hate me, I made it happen.
This guy, I've been nothing but accommodating.
I'm in pain, I've been so nice to this guy.
- I don't know what else to do.
- At least he's gambling.
- Wait, what was that? - Guy stole a beer, Mike.
Relax, will you? No, no, no, rewind the footage.
Stop it there! There's a reflection on that door.
Punch in.
Go to four.
Miguel Hurtado.
Real nice kid.
I hired him personally.
Drinking booze.
- I expected more.
- I think you're gonna get a little more.
- Oh, no.
- Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Oh, man, I can't watch this.
What's he doing? He didn't prepare a tourniquet.
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
That oughta hurt.
Mitch, go get some smelling salts.
Hey.
Hey.
You think he'll remember me? Um- No, I think he will.
I mean, we- Hey.
Hey.
Danny McCoy.
Hey.
How you doing, man? - Danny's a huge fan.
- Huge.
Halloween, 1985, I went as you.
Yeah.
Well, uh, I'm retroactively flattered.
Thank you, and, I know you don't really do the glove thing anymore- Look, someone's robbing the cage.
But, I-I do - as a tribute to you.
- You, uh-You do the glove? Yeah.
Well, at, uh, parties, weddings, the occasional bar mitzvah, stuff like that.
And I always make sure that I give you the credit, of course.
You're a stand-up guy, Danny.
And I-I was just wondered if you could give me a few pointers? I know that you seal it, and the air just- - Huh? - I, uh- I got nothing.
- Really? No notes? - It's a- It's a thing of beauty.
I can make it go really big.
My chief of security.
Hey, Miguel.
How you feeling? I've been better, Mr.
Cannon.
I bet.
Uh, I don't know.
I- I already got this beautiful hotel room.
Everybody's being so nice.
What- What more do I need? How about $10 million? Wow.
Ten million? Really? Honey, this small-town, down-home thing you've got going on, Jury will eat that up with a spoon.
I can get you at least $10 million.
But it was an accident, not anybody's fault.
Norma, dear, this is America.
It's always somebody's fault.
Danny, hey.
Come on in.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Oh, that's okay.
We're finished.
Uh, Danny this is Myra Schleich.
I know who you are.
Nice to meet you.
Don't sign anything, don't discuss anything that we've spoken about and most importantly, do not fall for his smile.
So, do you have a nice smile? I hadn't noticed.
Wow.
What you got there? Little champagne.
The good stuff.
Oh.
Damn.
Ten minutes ago, I could have drank that in the tub, like the lady on Green Acres.
Eva Gabor.
That's right! So, Norma, how you doing? Um aside from the recurring feeling of a man's finger rolling across my tongue? I like that sometimes during foreplay, but I generally prefer with the fingers attached to a hand.
Yeah, well, that's why I'm here.
We want to make that up to you.
So I'm gonna give you the keys to the castle.
Oh, I already got a room key.
I'm not talking about the Montecito.
I'm gonna give you the keys to Vegas.
Could you be a little more clearer? I'm just a simple girl from Ohio.
The Montecito feels terrible about what's happened.
So I'm just here to take your mind off it.
Lawsuits aside, I just want you to forget that whole thing ever happened.
Okay? So, rack your brain.
Anything you want, it's yours.
I'm here to grant you your ultimate Vegas fantasy.
Like, for real? Like, for real.
So, like, if I wanted Wayne Newton to come over here and serenade me in a gold lamé shirt, you could do that? Yeah, I need, uh, Wayne Newton here as soon as possible in a gold rayon- Lamé.
Gold lamé shirt.
Uh, any preference on pants? - Just that he's wearing some.
- Any pants.
Thanks.
Miguel, I was the only one, the only one that would give you a job when you came to this country.
I helped you get your green card.
I vouched for you.
And this is how you repay me? It was an accident, Mr.
Deline.
- He says he cut his finger while preparing the shrimp.
- That is what happened.
Really, huh? Si? Si.
Okay, let's take a look at this here.
See, here's the puzzle here.
I can see that cleaver, I can clearly see your finger.
Here's the problem.
I don't see any shrimp.
Please, turn it off.
You don't want to watch? This is beautiful.
I mean, this chop is as clean as it gets.
Please! I'm on the same page as Miguel, Mr.
D.
Yeah? Well, all right.
Just tell me what the hell's going on, Miguel? I'm sorry, Mr.
Deline- It's just- I'm sorry.
I just- I needed money- Oh, God.
Peter, watch my chips, will you? Mr.
Grimaldi? Oh, Mr.
Grimaldi, good news.
I've got that reservation for you.
Mr.
Grimaldi? Mr.
Grimaldi! - Were you dodging me? - Yes.
Yes, I was.
Well, uh, I'm tired of being nice.
And clearly, I can't do anything right, so I think if you would like another host, you should go get one.
So why don't you drag your ugly luggage and your pathetic self out of here and don't let me ever see your sorry ass in the Montecito again.
- Oh, my.
- Oh, my, what? You can be very forceful, can't you? - Yes, I can.
Wow.
I'll be right back.
You're doin'great, sugar.
- Did she just go to the bathroom? - Yeah, I think so.
I don't think this - No, no, no.
I think that's good.
Thank you.
Uh, that was fabulous, Mr.
Newton.
The Montecito is indebted to you for life, sir.
Thank you.
Just tell Ed that, uh, I am no longer indebted to him for life.
Okay.
Oh, did Wayne leave? Yeah.
Uh, he had a prior engagement in front of 20,000 people.
Wow.
I can't believe that Wayne Newton sang to me.
And it was even better than I imagined.
Yeah.
- Danny, it's me.
Mike found the owner of that finger.
- Who is it? This guy who works in the kitchen- Miguel Hurtado.
That's good news.
No.
Actually, Danny, it's very bad news.
Assuming there's no connection between Norma and Miguel, if a Montecito employee is at fault, she's got a great case against us, uh, if she chooses to pursue it.
Okay, so, uh, what do you want me to do now? - Are you with Norma now? - Mm-hmm.
- Well, then,just keep her happy, okay? - Okay.
So, uh, how do you feel about Neil Diamond? Eh.
No? - Danny Gans? No? - You know, I'm not really that much into impersonators.
In fact, I don't really like a show.
I prefer a more, uh, interactive type of activity.
You know, something that gets my blood pumping, if you know what I mean.
I've never seen anyone throw up so much.
It was actually grosser than the finger in my mouth.
What time does the Waltzing Waters start? Will you take me to the Waltzing Waters? Yeah.
You don't have to tell me, but you might feel better if you do.
So maybe we can start with how you lost that finger.
I never wanted to steal from el Montecito.
Everyone's been really good to me here.
My cousin, Raul, he was supposed to get the finger in the food.
He would settle for quick cash instead of suing el hotel.
But Norma, the lady, got the finger first.
Now I still don't have the money, and I only have until tonight.
So what happens tonight if you don't come up with the money? My sister dies.
Come on.
I don't have all day.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Uh, girls, this is my client, Oliver Grimaldi.
This is Delinda, this is Mary.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm sure that Sam here is taking great care of you.
- But if you need anything else at all, please don't hesitate- - Uh-uh.
He doesn't need anything.
I'm the hotel manager.
Do you, " Ollie-vair"? Frankly, he's lucky to be getting any kind of special treatment at all.
Look at him.
Obviously, a below average man who just happens to have a fat wallet.
- Sam.
- Come on, we all know it's the only reason why would give him the time of day, right? What are you doing? I am so sorry, Mr.
Grimaldi.
No, no, it's fine.
Really.
Come on, let's go spend all your money.
She's a complicated bird.
Yeah.
I finally save enough to bring Maria here to Las Vegas.
But through coyotes? Si.
I pay them $7,000.
But when they got here, they wouldn't let Maria out of the van.
They wanted more money from me.
Yeah, that's a popular scam.
- They're holding all the cards.
- They say they will call tonight with a meeting place.
If I don't have $10,000, they will kill her.
Let me get this straight.
Your game plan was to cut off your finger in hopes that your cousin would find it in the buffet so you could blackmail this casino for 10 grand that you would get within a few hours to give to the coyotes who are threatening to kill your sister? Si, senor.
I hear you pay a lot of money for the kidney.
I thought maybe you pay 10,000 for a finger.
Ay, caramba.
! - There's an insect, right there in the ice cube.
See it? - Yes.
Yes, I do.
Well, I want to know what you're gonna do about it? First off, I'm gonna suggest you get another drink.
That's it? Then I'm going to suggest you go away.
You people are unbelievable.
Some poor guest ends up with a finger in her food, and now I find this.
Sir, you put the insect in your drink yourself.
How dare you! Our ice machine make cylindrical cubes.
Yours are square.
Aw, crud.
Hey, did you see this? Looks like Norm found Norma.
Thanks.
Well, how'd it go with Norma? Great.
She's a great gal.
Yeah, huh? You know, I just heard they had to close down that ride over at the Stratosphere.
Some moron threw up all over it.
Really? Yeah, can you imagine that? Danny.
That new bartender you hired Just decked a guy.
Come on.
Okay, let me upgrade you to a suite.
Okay.
Stairs.
Erika, Ed Deline.
He runs the Montecito.
Hey, how you doing? How are you? - So what happened? - That jerk-off tried to grab my ass.
The employees do not hit our patrons here.
- Why not? You guys do all the time.
- Keep her.
I like her.
Hey, so that, uh - that Norma she's a pretty great gal, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
She's not suing.
Why is she talking to her lawyer? You know, I think that Norma would really like something to eat at Wolfgang Puck's.
Very good idea, yeah.
Thanks, Erika.
You're welcome.
Hey, do y'all have any, um, hog trotters back there? No.
Hey, you're the daughter of that guy, the-the guy whose life Ed saved.
Yeah.
Kerri Kowalski.
Hi, I'm Sam.
How'd he save your father's life? I mean, what's the story with that? Oh, actually, it's a really funny story.
He used to tell it every Sunday night.
But first, we'd have to kill the chicken.
You cut the neck off.
And when the blood wouldn't come out, he'd have to turn it upside down and squeeze real hard, you know? 'Cause Mama had cook the chicken in order for him to tell the story.
Hey, Kerri.
Nice blouse.
Thank you.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yes.
Yeah, you know? Excuse me.
That's fine! Back for that story.
What was that about earlier with your whale? Oh, you mean why was I so unbelievably rude? I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but shouldn't you be making the man feel like a god? Oliver Grimaldi likes to be abused.
Sexually? No.
Take it easy.
But he does like a good verbal thrashing.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Check this out.
I treat the guy like a god, I practically get fired.
I reach my limit, I bitch him out, the man loves it.
Oh.
So he's one of those C.
E.
O.
types, runs the world during the day, but wants to wear a diaper and be spanked at night.
Okay, believe it or not, I actually have a line, and that would be it.
Is it fun being mean? Of course it is.
Why do you think I do it all the time? Well, uh, I've got some time to kill, uh, if you need some help.
No.
You don't know how to be mean.
- Hmm.
That wasn't bad.
You want him for a couple of hours? - Yeah, sure.
Why not? Deal or no deal? That's a joke, 'cause I, uh, do a show on NBC called that.
Sam's busy, so you get me for a while.
When is she coming back? None of your business.
- Don't tell me you're not gonna split those? - I wasn't going to.
Don't you have a penis? Or do you just tuck it back like the Silence of the Lambs guy? Split 'em.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Even though he lied, I think Miguel's a good guy.
He's just in this corner.
- Well, he should have come to me first.
- Well, Ed, you can be sort of intimidating.
Intimidating? What the hell are you talking about? Uh, maybe we should get Immigration involved? Maybe they could help us get Miguel's sister turned over safely.
They'll just deport her right away.
He'd get his green card yanked over this.
Yeah.
You're probably right.
Yeah.
I think I'm just gonna loan him the money, you know? How much did you say it was? $ 10,000.
You sure you want to do this? You might never see that money again.
Oh, something tells me I'll be seeing this money again.
Here.
You don't mind if I inspect the bread, do you? Never know if I'm gonna find a thumb or maybe a toe.
Well, I'm sure that Myra Schleich would love that.
So I guess that means that you've decided to sue the Montecito.
I'm exploring my options.
Ahh.
I mean, it'd be foolish of me not to, right? And the gossip columnist, Norm Clarke? Oh.
Now that was all my lawyer.
She thought the publicity would help.
That woman certainly earns her dollar.
Yeah.
Hey, Norma.
Hi, Delinda.
I'm so sorry about that thing with the finger.
Yeah, that was pretty gross.
- You should totally sue.
- Hey, hey.
Hey, uh, Danny McCoy.
Oliver- Oh, no, don't do that.
He doesn't matter.
Go to the bar and buy me a drink.
- What are you doing? - Trust me.
He likes it.
You two have fun.
Uh - You certainly have an unusual way of treating your guests.
That is not normal.
Sit down.
Now.
We go the extra mile here at the Montecito.
I can assure you that.
Hey.
How's everything going? Great.
Well, we haven't eaten.
In fact, I'm starving.
Do you think we could get some finger food? Yes.
A lively sense of humor on this one.
I'll go check your food.
Go ahead.
So, uh, is there anything else you can think of that you might need or want? Well, there might be a little something.
Yeah? Mm-hmm.
I'm not some piece of meat.
Calm down, Casanova.
Is it too much of a chore for you to take one for the team like this? I'm not sleep- I am not sleeping with her.
No one's telling you to sleep with her, okay? I'm not a pimp.
I'm just saying she likes you, you know? Just charm her a little.
Spend some time with her.
Do that, uh- that puppy-dog gaze thing that you do that all the girls like.
What puppy-dog gaze thing? Don't do it to me! What the hell's the matter with you? I just feel so cheap.
This woman could sue us for millions of dollars.
I'd say you're way overpriced.
So Mike's waiting for you to do the drop.
You take care of that, and then you take care of Norma.
What's the big deal? Okay.
Okay, I'll do it.
And I thought strip clubs were weird.
Sorry? Oh, nothing.
Hey, Peter.
Where's Mr.
Grimaldi? I think they went to dinner.
They? Okay.
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! Mmm! - Oh, hey, Sam.
- What are you doing? I'm eating a porterhouse.
You want one? - No, I don't want one.
You're supposed to be gambling.
- Well, I was hungry.
But look, I didn't let him eat.
Listen to me, he's supposed to be gambling.
He's a short trip.
See, in order for any of this to be worth our while, he needs to lose at least 100 grand.
But he's up.
He is? Yeah, like a lot.
Uh-uh.
So it's good I got him away from the tables.
I don't know.
How much is a lot? I don't know.
Like a couple hundred grand.
Oh, that's bad.
Okay, I'll get him back to the tables and maybe his luck will turn.
Yeah.
" Maybe" being the operative word.
- What are you staring at? - Chop, chop.
All right, he's driving a blue van.
It's, uh, license plate number BXO555.
All right.
Got it.
Come on.
Maria.
Is that my money? Just take it.
It's all there.
- You hear that? - Check it out.
I told you to come alone or I'd kill her.
I'm alone.
I swear.
It's nothing.
I told you.
I'm alone.
Ain't that sweet.
Get off me! You get off me! You the one getting all Brokeback Mountain on me.
I'm not the one that ran out to see it opening night.
Get off me! I'm a fan of the director.
Get off me! Ah!Just-Wait-Just-Ahh! What do you do, Derek? Nothing.
Nothing.
And is this a family business? That's it.
I'm done.
No, no.
Sit back down and keep gambling.
Although I enjoyed your tone, 250,000 is the most I can lose in a weekend.
But I could be convinced to stay a few extra days for some more abuse.
- Get the hell out.
- That's fabulous.
No, I mean, really.
No seriously, leave or we'll call security.
Ooh, handcuffs? - Could you stand over there for a minute while we figure this out? - That's it? Stand in the corner, now! Thank you.
- How are we gonna get rid of him- - Hey.
What's up? Hey! - Hi.
Hey, you know what, Mary? My client over there, he's lost 250 grand.
He's really upset.
He's sad.
Yeah, yeah, he's sad.
- Listen, maybe you could just go over there and kinda be yourself.
- Just be super sweet.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Just be nice to the guy.
Poor guy.
Thanks, sweetie.
Thanks, Mar.
She does come in handy.
She does come in handy, sometimes.
Hi.
Sam and Delinda wanted me to tell you that they're otherwise engaged for a little while.
So I'm gonna be your host.
At least temporarily.
So if there's anything you need.
Really,just anything at all - I'm fine.
Oh, you poor baby.
- Hey, is the girl safe? - Yeah.
I dropped Miguel and her off at the house.
- Did you get an en route on that van? - Yeah.
Residential address.
- I was just gonna make the call here.
- Ace.
Detective Sarnat, please.
Ed Deline.
Yeah, Detective, how are you? It's, uh, Deline at the Montecito.
Listen, I went to the bank today, right, and, um, took out $ 10,000 to buy a, um- - Uh dog.
- I went to buy a, uh- a dog.
Yeah, it is a little expensive for a dog, but it's a very, very special dog.
Uh, it's from Louisiana.
It's supposed to be really great with coyotes.
Uh- Anyway.
Anyway, uh, the point is, the funniest thing happened.
I got robbed.
Uh, it was a couple of guys in a, uh- - Blue.
- Blue van.
Uh- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I got the plate.
Sure.
Norma? In here.
Well, hello, handsome.
Hey.
Hey.
I've been expecting you.
It's, uh, a little dark in here.
Well, if you're frightened, come over here.
No.
No, I'm fine.
Brave.
Mmm.
So? So what? Let's see it.
Whip it out.
What? What? Oh, the- the look on your face is priceless! It is priceless.
It's the best present I could have ever gotten.
What are you talking about? Well, I told Ed I wanted you to come up here and service me.
- You don't? - Well, of course not.
What do you mean, of course not? Honey, I hate to break it to you, but you're not exactly my type.
- I like 'em a little more rough and tumble.
- I am rough and tumble.
I played three years varsity football, and I was in the Marines.
Yeah, not interested.
So that's it? You- Uh, could you tell Ed that I was amazing? Totally.
Thanks.
Metro P.
D.
! Open the door! What's going on? Hey, what are you doing? - Is this him? - Hey, you can't go in there.
Yes, we can.
We have a warrant.
- Yeah, that's him, all right.
- Who are you? Who am I? What, are you kidding? You robbed so many people, they all look alike to you? Rob you? Man, I never robbed this guy! Found this bag with a bunch of money inside, and we grabbed an accomplice going out the back.
- That's not mine.
- No kidding.
It's mine.
You should see what else we found inside.
These guys look like they're coyotes.
- Take him into custody.
- That's great.
Excuse me.
Um, Miguel Hurtado says hello.
Sorry.
I'm really not the suing type, Danny.
Besides, I haven't figured out what to do with the million Monica left me yet.
All I know is, I'm definitely gonna spend some of it on another couple weeks here.
Any luck? Did you find anything? As a matter of fact I did.
Montecito Suites.
Wow.
So you're gonna be sticking around for a while? I hope so.
Thank you so much, Uncle Ed.
Oh, you're welcome, sweetie.
Thank you.
Okay.
- Uncle Ed? How did you save her father's life anyway? - I have no friggin' idea.
He might have been in the service with me.
Guy sends me stuff every year.
I don't know.
Maybe he's got the wrong Ed Deline.
Then again, you know, Danny, I've saved so many lives in my day.
I mean, sometimes I have a tendency to forget.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
- Erika, you haven't, uh, punched anyone yet today, have you? - Day's still young.
- Hey, what's up with Norma? Is she gonna sue? - No.
- Ah.
How'd you manage that? - Yeah, how did you manage that? - What? I didn't sleep with her.
- I didn't! - Oh, you struck out with Norma? - I didn't strike out.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you did.
- Anybody hungry? - Uh-uh.
No, thanks.
I'm not hungry.
As long as it's not the buffet.
- Well, I'm starving.
- Topless pancakes? Yes.
All right.
Ow.