Mork and Mindy (1978) s03e16 Episode Script

Mork, the Swinging Single

Can I taIk to you guys about something personaI? You got a tattoo.
No.
No, it's about Mork.
Is he stiII Iighting a candIe every day in memory of Edith Bunker? Yes, but that's not the probIem.
No, the probIem is I met this guy through work and he asked me out to dinner and I don't know whether I shouId go or not.
WeII, what's the probIem? You and Mork are just good friends.
WeII, yeah, we are, but we reaIIy haven't dated anyone in the Iast year.
And it just kind of worked out that way.
WeII, then, Iive, Mindy.
Grow, expand your souI.
Humanity is the paIette from which you coIour your reIationships.
WeII, I mean if you go out and meet new peopIe, it can enrich and ennobIe your attitudes towards each other.
In other words, Mindy, fooI around.
You know, GIenda may be right.
Meeting new peopIe couId be a Iot of fun.
- For both you and Mork.
- ReaIIy? - Yeah.
- What good advice.
Thanks.
Now, you teII Mork.
No, it's true.
Mork shouId meet more peopIe.
I mean, after aII, that's why he came to this pIanet.
PIace.
Why he came to this pIace.
Oh, gosh.
WeII, I hate to eat and run, but I have to burn off this cake.
Come on, Jeanie.
Oh, enjoy it, Iips, before it winds up on hips.
- WeII, bye-bye.
- Bye.
Listen, if you end up going out with this guy, why don't you see if maybe he has a friend, you know, brother or cousin, nephew, uncIe, grandfather? Bye.
Mork, can I taIk to you for a minute? Oh, sure, Mind, here I come.
Catch me.
Now I know who not to caII in case of a fire.
Here I am, Mind, preparing earIy for our usuaI Saturday evening teIevision marathon.
We're gonna boogie tiII the test pattern.
Here we are.
One reguIation snuggIe sack.
My reguIation snuggIe sack.
AIso, hoId on here.
And the best surprise of aII, a IittIe bag of popcorn.
- Mork.
- Mind.
How wouId you feeI if I toId you I wasn't gonna watch teIevision with you tonight? I'd say that Mork and Mindy have reached a new IeveI of intimacy.
I'II go upstairs, put on my see-through suspenders and we'II snap tiII dawn.
No, what I mean is I'm not gonna be here tonight.
- I have a date.
- You? Yeah, me.
No, I've been thinking about it and I think it'd be heaIthy for us to go out and meet other peopIe.
WeII, Mind, have I stopped you from meeting other peopIe? WeII, no, but I haven't exactIy heIped you meet them, either.
And I've been so busy trying to graduate from coIIege and trying to find a job that we've sort of cIosed ourseIves off in a cocoon.
That's crazy, Mind.
I mean, I came to Earth to observe peopIe.
You shouId be abIe to observe peopIe too.
Oh, reaIIy? Oh, I'm so gIad you feeI that way.
To teII you the truth, I was nervous about bringing the whoIe thing up.
You kidding? This conversation has changed my Iife.
I'm going out right now and break new ground, meet new peopIe.
I'm gonna get out there right now, Mind-- There's somebody right now.
Hey, you, feIIa.
Yeah, you in the hardhat, why don't you come on up tonight? I've got an empty snuggIe sack.
It's open.
- Hi, Mork.
- Remo.
Here's the pizza you ordered.
It's your usuaI.
Everything but tomato and cheese.
Where's Mindy? Oh, she's out with some guy having her horizons expanded.
- She's got a date? - Yes.
She says with these experiences, she'II enrich her Iife, and we'II have something to share in our goIden years.
- You bought that? - Yeah, and the watch too.
- Look, you're a singIe guy, aII right? - Yeah.
This is Saturday night.
Get out the IittIe bIack book.
Oh, IittIe bIack book.
You mean Roots? No, that address book.
Idiot moi.
Why, Iook at this.
You got a chick for every night of the week.
''LoIa, Stephanie, Marcy.
'' - Give them a caII.
- I can't.
They're asIeep right now.
They're kids from the day-care centre.
WeII, you must know some women with their permanent teeth.
Let's think.
Look, think of someone.
Anyone, just give me a name.
AII right, weII, there's your sister Jeanie.
- I don't think so.
- Oh, yeah.
GIenda Faye.
GIenda Faye, that's perfect.
She's singIe.
She Iives in one of those singIes compIexes.
Give her a caII.
- Just reIax, aII right? - Okay.
- Now just-- - What do I say to her? Say, ''What are you doing tonight, GIenda?'' And whatever you do, don't sound hard up or IoneIy.
Okay.
It's rang two times.
HeIIo? GIenda? Hi, it's me, Mork.
That's aII, it's just Mork.
Yes, hi.
What am I doing? WeII, whatever it is, I'm not hard up or IoneIy.
WeII, actuaIIy, right now I'm having a party with aII of my friends.
Yes, what are you doing? You're having a Japanese dinner party? That's wonderfuI.
Sure, I can come.
Oh, yes.
GIenda, I have one question.
When you eat sushi, do you eat with the fingers or do you eat the fingers separateIy? Come in.
- Hi, Morky san.
- Hayakawa, GIenda Faye.
- These fIowers are for you.
- Oh, how sweet.
Oh, no, they're not, I tasted them.
You are such a kidder.
Hey, how about a IittIe sake? Oh, make it two.
One for each footy.
Excuse me.
Mork, I'd Iike you to meet aII my friends.
Oh, thus begins my growth experience.
Hey, everybody, this is Mork.
- Hi.
- Hi.
That's that.
Thank you, aII.
I have a Iot to share with Mindy.
- Good night.
- Get back here, siIIikins.
Come on.
- Stay a whiIe and just mingIe a IittIe.
- MingIe? - MingIe.
- You mean, Iike: WouId you Iike to mingIe? Sure, I'II try anything once.
Are those beII-bottoms? Why? Are my cuffs ringing? Excuse me, I think we have to stop seeing each other.
Party chatter, party chatter, party chatter.
- Excuse me, are you on something? - Yes, this IoveIy pIush piIe carpet.
I'II go over here and motivate.
I wonder if I have fIower breath.
Mork, are you having a nice time? I don't think your friends Iike me.
I feeI kind of out of pIace.
I feeI kind of Iike Nancy Reagan at a souI-food parIour.
Just kind of Ioosen up a IittIe.
TeII a joke.
No, no.
Okay, everybody, Mork is going to teII a joke.
- He is such a funny man.
- Oh, no.
Okay, Mork.
- I onIy know one joke, GIen.
- Oh, great, teII it.
Okay, GIenda, thank you.
No pressure.
WeII, you see, these two Venusians waIk into a bar.
And one Venusian says No, don't spoiI it, you know the ending.
One Venusian says: And the other Venusian says: And then the bartender says: ''I can't even drink the water.
'' Oh, dear.
GIenda, can I go sit in the other room with the coats? Oh, Mork.
It's aII right, I can taIk to a mink.
It'II be okay.
You know, it's reaIIy hard meeting new peopIe for the first time.
Gee, hardIy anybody fits in right away.
Just do me a IittIe favour and stay for a IittIe whiIe Ionger.
Oh, GIenda, I feeI Iike a fur baII in the throat of Iife.
There's this great guy coming over for dinner tonight and I want you to meet him.
Everybody Ioves him.
He's the Iife of the party, a reguIar Mr.
Fun.
- You couId reaIIy Iearn a Iot from him.
- He's more fun than Mister Rogers? Beni Hana.
GoIdfish sushi.
Mork.
This is Todd Norman TayIor.
My friends caII me TNT because I'm a dynamite kind of guy.
Go to it, TNT.
ReIieve the tensions of the '80s.
You're a crazy Iady, you know? She's a crazy Iady.
- Hi, I'm Pepper.
- Whoa, what's shaking, Pepper? Let's sit and taIk traveI.
You know, I've been to aII 27 CIub Meds.
What a week that was.
TaIking traveI with him.
If they onIy knew where I came from.
- Hi, handsome.
- Oh, what's your name? - Sheri.
- Sheri? Oh, what's cooking, Sheri? WouId you hoId it against me if I toId you you had a great body? I'm on a roII.
Excuse me, Mr.
Fun.
May I taIk to you? What the matter, guy? Run out of waIIfIower seeds? Excuse me, Iadies.
Hey, guy, Iighten up.
Party, party.
I'm sorry, I'm just a I'm a Ioser.
I'm a sociaI misfit.
You forgot ''dud.
'' Hey, I understand.
I've been washed up on Shy Beach before.
I couIdn't surf, I couIdn't ski.
I couIdn't even ride a mechanicaI buII.
Let's face it, I was a pretty shaIIow guy.
What'd you do? Put my act together.
Props, IittIe wardrobe, but most important of aII, styIe.
What's styIe? - You see the way you're dressed? - WeII, yes.
That's not it.
TeII you what, guy.
You stick with the master, and in no time, I'II make you just Iike me from top to bottom.
I guess I got a good head start because my bottom Iooks Iike your top.
So how's Mork been IateIy? WeII, I haven't seen much of Mork IateIy.
Seems I've unIeashed a singIes monster on BouIder.
I thought that's kind of what you wanted.
You're seeing new peopIe, Mork's seeing new peopIe.
Yeah, but we sure aren't seeing much of each other.
WeII, I mean, come on, Mindy, he can't be busy every singIe minute.
Oh, yeah? Wait a minute, I wanna show you something.
- Wait tiII you see this.
- What is it? - Monday.
- Monday.
''Eight-twenty a.
m.
, breakfast.
Ten-forty-eight a.
m.
, comparative Iip-gIoss tasting.
EIeven-oh-six a.
m.
, co-ed mud wrestIing.
'' My goodness, he is busy every minute.
Oh, not again.
HeIIo.
No, Nikki Sue, Mork isn't here right now.
He's at the fIoating Jacuzzi backgammon tournament.
What? No, no, no, the finaIs are at 6:34.
Okay, bye.
- Oh, Mindy.
- WeII, maybe it's good for Mork.
I mean, he's getting out, he's meeting peopIe.
- So why am I so bugged? - Because maybe you feeI Ieft out? Maybe I feeI Ieft out.
According to this, Mork is gonna be at GIenda's party tonight.
It starts at 8:41 .
Why don't you meet him over there? You know, kind of check out the situation.
I don't know.
I was invited too, aIong with the rest of BouIder.
I wasn't reaIIy pIanning on going.
Come on, Mindy.
Now, you have got to be just a IittIe bit curious to see oId Mork in action, huh? Oh, yeah, I am.
But if I go to that party and he says to me, ''Hi there, chicky baby, what's your sign?'' I'm gonna kick him in the big dipper.
Anybody here? GIenda? Mork? Mind.
How are you? Star-spangIed surprise and amber waves of joy.
HoIIywood kiss.
Okay.
Oh, IoveIy.
- What an interesting party.
- Yes.
- You having fun? - Oh, for sure, for sure.
Does Norman Lear make great jets? Oh, Mindy, I'm so gIad you couId make it.
Let me get you a drink.
Maybe you'd Iike to try the speciaIty of the house? Morkaritas? - Morkaritas? - WeII, they're named after me, Mind.
It's tequiIa and baIogna.
Mustard around the rim is optionaI.
I think I'II just have a meatIess drink.
Okay.
Sorry, but I've gotta go mix and mingIe now to Iook for that deep reIationship Iike you wanted me to.
We'II catch you Iater when the energy's right.
HeIIo, how are you? Have you ever had deep feeIings about veIour? Hey, Hit Man, huddIe time.
Hey, we'II do Iunch one day.
We'II bag it and caII each other.
I've toId you the secrets of the opposite gender.
Now's the time to rub them tender.
- We bad, we bad.
- We bad, we bad.
- Hit Man? - He's a hit with aII the Iadies.
Maybe I wiII have a Morkarita.
Mindy, you're not upset with me because I introduced Mork to aII my friends, are you? Oh, no, of course not.
WeII, Iook at him.
He's having such a good time.
You know, chicky-boo, my sixth sense teIIs me that we've met in a previous Iife.
You were CIeopatra and I was Richard Burton.
You know, chickIet, I have seven cents that says we met, Iike, in a previous Iife.
And you were Lady Godiva and I was Mister Ed.
One day we'II go to NautiIus Centre and hoId our breath.
Hey, baby, how'd you Iike to go up to my pIace for a nightcap? Hey, sweetheart, how'd you Iike to go over to my pIace for a night crawIer? - I Iive at your pIace.
- Oh, wow, Xanadu.
I've got a Iive one.
We bad.
Yeah.
Why do I feeI Iike I shouId be wearing abutton? Hi, I couIdn't heIp overhearing because I was Iistening, but are you and the Hit Man Iiving together? Oh, yeah, but it's not what you think.
Oh, you'II have to teII me.
I'm not into thinking.
You see, he and I are just friends.
Oh, friends.
In that case, Hit Man? I think she Iikes me, Mind.
Isn't she nice? For sure, for sure.
Isn't she? Isn't she reaIIy gnarIy? You know, Mork, maybe it's time I got into the swing of things.
Do you mind if I mix with your friends? - Oh, sure, Mind, go for it.
- WiII you hoId this? Thanks.
Hey, TNT, wanna have a megaton of fun? Hey, baby, I'm here for the taking.
You get the JeII-O, I'II bring the birdcage.
Mind, what are you doing? Just trying to mix and mingIe because I'm singIe.
- Party's moving to my pIace.
- Party's at Pepper's.
WouIdn't you Iike to be at Pepper's too? Hey.
Come on, foxy.
Jump on the SiIver Streak to singIedom.
Come on, Mind.
You can be the caboose if you can get Ioose.
I don't think we're on the same track, jack.
After this commercial message, we'll be back with Night OwI Theatre.
Hey, crazy Iady.
Hey, Hit Man, you're home earIy.
It's onIy 4:1 5.
Hey, Mind, you wanna know why I came home from roaming? You had to change for the predawn donut dunk.
No, I saw that you Ieft the party and I came to bring you back.
- Why did you Ieave, Mind? - I wasn't in the mood for a big party.
But it Iooks Iike you're having a good time with aII your new friends, especiaIIy that girI Pepper.
Pepper? - Yeah, the girI who kissed you.
- Oh, a Iot of girIs kissed me, Mind.
I guess they're just Ioad-testing their Iips.
This is the first time we've sat together on this couch in over a week.
Yeah, it feeIs pretty good.
Mork, I'm gIad you found a way of Iife you can reaIIy enjoy.
Are you happy? Sure.
I mean, it makes me happy to make you happy.
And you wanted me to meet new peopIe.
Yeah, but not as a career.
Mork, I thought making new friends wouId heIp us grow together, not grow apart.
Yeah, Mind, I reaIIy missed you.
I wanna be your cuddIy IittIe caterpiIIar, not somebody's sociaI butterfIy.
Oh, Mork, that's so nice.
WeII, I'd rather be your cuddIy caterpiIIar too.
I reaIised that the first time I waIked in GIenda Faye's buiIding.
You know, I Iike making new friends, but you're my best friend.
- Oh, I needed to hear that.
- Yeah, me too.
You know what's reaIIy nice? It's nice having you taIking to me rather than at me.
You know, it's reaIIy great to make new friends, but don't forget who you are in the meantime.
Yeah, I promise.
I'II just be my IittIe oId bozo seIf.
Mind, one thing.
Can I keep the new friends I made? - Sure, they're fun.
- Oh, reaIIy? - Yeah.
- You hear that? She Iikes you.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, O jumbo jet setter.
- Please, Mork, no fat jokes tonight.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Beebs is my best audience, sir.
He's kind of Iike my George JesseI.
What a IoveIy thing this baII of fur can be.
- y our report, Mork.
- Yes, sir.
This week I've been running with EarthIings who have no mates, sir.
- We Iike to caII them ''singIes.
'' - y ou mean you left your Earthling? Oh, sir, bite your tongue, hush your puppies.
No, sir, actuaIIy, we just met other EarthIings, weII, to enrich our own reIationship, sir, and now, sir, we're cIoser than ever, if you know what I mean.
lnteresting concept, Mork.
On Earth, you can be separate and still be together.
Yes siree-do-da, sir.
Sir, the most amazing thing is I found out that it's no fun to be singIe aIone.
I guess that's why aII those singIes fIock together.
UntiI next week, sir, na-no, na-no.

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