Speechless (2016) s03e16 Episode Script

1 School in New York? You've never even been to New York.
We've been dozens of times to see your grandparents.
That place? You want to go to college there? The Governor and the Mayor can't even agree on who runs the MTA! But you just [SIGHS.]
Dylan's selective ignorance, then mastery is not the point.
- Why? - "I want to go to NYU.
And it's not just because of Izzy.
It's a great school, and New York will be an adventure.
" Financial aid section.
Dad, income? Uh, that one.
Hey! I'm not the lowest box.
The application is due tomorrow.
You've got to make a film.
We have to discuss this! "Please.
Let me try.
" This is a much longer conversation.
Maybe we apply and figure it out later? [GASPS.]
JJ's going to New York.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can't wait to visit.
You know, I've always wanted to see that deli from "When Harry Met Sally" [ECSTATICALLY.]
Ahh Ohh! Ohh, ohh! Ohh! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Yes!! Have you lost your mind?! And no one said he can go! "Submit a five-minute film only you can make.
" - What should it be about? - I mean, isn't the obvious thing to do something about disability? Izzy, I know you're new here, but JJ doesn't define himself that way.
"I think it's time I make a statement on disability.
" What is happening?! Can anyone hear me?! Am I Am I in the room? Is this a movie about what it would be like if I didn't exist? Somebody walk through me so I can check! [PEPPER BARKS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- Honey? Honey? Are you okay? You asked if you existed, and then Pepper ran in and knocked you over.
[MUFFLED.]
So the part about JJ going to NYU is real? Finish me, Pepper! RAY: "'Wheelchair Planet.
' It's a 'Twilight Zone' kind of thing I've been working on.
Kind of dumb, but it can show good technique.
" Dumb?! Dude, it's great! It's a land where everyone uses a wheelchair and the one person that can walk is a freak.
[LAUGHS.]
NYU isn't gonna know what a mother goes through when asked to let go of her child.
JJ, this seems really complicated.
"If we shoot through the night, we can do it.
But I need a right-hand person who can move Heaven and Earth for me.
" [WHEELCHAIR WHIRS.]
God, I hate that him sidling up means you sidling up, too.
I can't.
Sorry.
Make your movie, and we'll discuss it later.
I just can't be part of it.
Oh, I'm just gonna get back to some light reading.
"New York" "wheelchair" "decapitated.
" Oh! This one actually looks like you.
- Well, just the body, obvi - "Put your fingers in my ears.
" Oh, there's another one.
Look at that.
Gross.
"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
" "How about you? Want to be in charge?" Really? Okay.
What does this "Supreme Ruler" person do? Who said "Supreme Ruler"? [BLEEP.]
, keep my name out of your mouth.
"You do that.
Crack the whip, keep us moving.
I wish we had another camera.
That would help us go faster.
" I've got it! We have another camera! Yes, Dad, that's a great camera.
[QUIETLY.]
Jimbo's cracking.
It's an HD nanny cam.
I got it last year when somebody kept walking into the neighbor's houses and moving all their stuff around.
Did they ever catch that guy? Nope.
No, they did not.
But it definitely was a guy who's big.
Huh.
So, has that bear always been a camera? Has it always pointed toward the living room and anything happening in the living room? 24/7 living room and dining room.
Dining room, huh? So, like, if a guy was over by the dining table doing normal stuff, the bear would see it? Wide-angle lens The bear sees all.
[CHUCKLES.]
Great.
Very, very cool.
[AMPLIFIED.]
Right.
Supreme Ruler on set.
We've got nine hours to shoot this thing.
From now on, you ask a dumb question, you get slapped.
Where'd you get a megaphone? What did I just say? Also, Dad, you're lead! I forgive the slap.
Hey, I get that the New York thing is scary, but still, you know, it's great to see the kids helping JJ.
Yeah.
It's cool, Mr.
DiMeo.
Gah! Whoa! Izzy! I'm sorry.
I From behind, you look a lot like Maya.
S-Still, I'd prefer not to be handled.
No, I'm not saying it's okay because you look like my wife, I'm just I'm just saying, yeah, uh, uh I'm really sorry.
I got to bring him this stuff.
Um Absolutely.
Yeah, you go do that, buddy.
I'm I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
Uh, just Just don't do it again.
Mm, don't want to! No.
Okay.
Hey! Hey! So, um that camera bear, huh? [CHUCKLING.]
Weird, right? Kinda invasive? So invasive.
I mean, don't get me wrong Super cool bear.
Big true.
It is amazing what they can do.
But should it be done? It's a real privacy issue.
Totally.
Privacy.
Net neutrality.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I can't say what, but my family cannot see what's on that bear.
If they do, I'd be ruined.
I can't say why, either, but ruined? I'd pray for ruined.
Be a shame if something happened to that bear.
Bears disappear all the time in this city.
It's a tragedy, but what can you do? Secret-protecting alliance? Let's get that bear.
- The bear's watching us.
- Mm-hmm.
Keep smiling so it doesn't suspect.
Sensitivity question When is it okay for a person without a disability to portray a character with a disability? Never.
Action! Staging question Do we have to be this close? 'Cause I don't need to be [AMPLIFIED.]
Slapping in three, two Our world is a paradise.
But there is a stranger in our midst.
He Who Wheels With Feet.
Is he real? [CHUCKLING.]
He's real.
And until he is found, our way of life w - [VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING.]
- Coming through! Oh, just wanted to make sure it was clean before you start shooting your little movie.
Oh, were you Oh, golly.
I am so sorry.
- [WHIRRING STOPS.]
- Yeah, I just It was dirty.
Like a New York street during a garbage strike.
Control your wife.
I'm cool.
I'm cool.
[REMOTE CLICKS, TELEVISION PLAYS.]
Ugh.
You are not gonna believe what happened.
I never realized how much you and Izzy look alike.
Anyway, ha! I might've given her a massage.
Sounds like an HR nightmare.
I'd shut down production if I were you.
Ha ha.
Seriously, though, you got to help me smooth this over.
This This can't be my dynamic with her.
Anyway, it's kinda your fault for being so irresistible.
- Izzy? - Yeah, Mr.
DiMeo? Gah! How?! Maya was just here in that spot! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
No more touching.
Okay? Okay.
Deal.
No.
Not shaking.
Stop it.
Good save, Jimmy.
Could've been weird.
[GRUNTING.]
Am I crying yet? "Still look constipated.
" [GRUNTING CONTINUES.]
KENNETH: Maya, knock.
- The man is clearly trying to use the bathroom.
- Not helping.
Hold your horses, Mom.
There's nothing to ruin until we can get this monkey to cry! "We're running out of time.
" [CLICKS TONGUE.]
Fine.
Your dog, Luke, outside all winter.
[CRYING.]
"Cut! We got it!" Makeup, fix this mess.
Why'd he have to stay out there? He snapped at my sister once! "Thanks, Mom.
I know you don't want to help.
" Oh, remember me fondly when you're dying in one of New York's famous warehouse fires.
Okay, I don't know where to shoot the rest of this.
Long hallways, tall ceilings? It's midnight.
Where are we gonna find that? Mm DiMeos minus Maya surely are a sorry bunch.
"What? Where should we go? "Okay.
I want your help.
You want to scare me away from New York.
Let's make a deal.
For every piece of help you give me, I'll listen to one of your terrifying arguments.
" Hmm.
Whew! Smashed a window in the library.
Ever year, over a dozen wheelchair users fall on the New York Subway tracks.
Let's make a movie! [MACHINE BEEPS.]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ALARMS BLARING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
I know I can walk! It's not my fault! I know I'm a freak! Let me be! Cut! Moving on! "Mom, that checkpoint looked awesome.
" You know what's not awesome? The case of Anne McCarthy, trapped for weeks on the 29th floor of her Manhattan apartment when the elevator broke.
And she could scream.
JJ, for this big, climatic chase scene, we're supposed to have "a sea of wheelchairs"? We just have two.
"There's one in the nurse's office.
But it's locked.
" Oh.
Yeah, no, I'm on it.
Hope you like statistics about sidewalk width.
We need the bear in the east hallway for an establishing shot.
I'll do it.
[DOOR OPENS.]
You've seen too much! - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Time to hibernate.
KENNETH: Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- DYLAN: Are you guys in there? Block the door.
I'm almost done.
What's going on? - Let me in, Kenneth! - Almost done.
"All footage uploads directly to the SneakyBearCam cloud.
" It's not here! Well, close up the bear! She's freakishly strong! - Would you like milk with your tea? - Yes, please.
Mr.
Bear? Milk? Wasn't that suspicious? How weird are we normally? - Mrs.
DiMeo.
- Dr.
Miller.
What are you doing here? It's 5:00 a.
m.
I come here early to power-walk somewhere my neighbors' dogs can't chase me.
Why are you here? Ooh.
That sounded accusatory.
Welcome.
Do you mind if I stay? Oh, no.
I'm thrilled you're here.
Now you not me Can ruin everything.
I was told to give you this script before the next scene.
Me Izzy.
Yeah, okay, I can see People look like other people! Heck, I look a little bit like JJ.
- [KEYS CLACKING.]
- [GIGGLES.]
I hold all your secrets! I don't like this bear.
- [COMPUTER CHIMES.]
- Here are your secrets! This bear's all right.
So now I just got to delete the bad files and keep the good ones.
So, you're just gonna go through all the footage? You'll see my secrets.
Well, somebody's got to watch it.
How about this We'll tell our secrets to each other.
Whoever's is more horrifying will look at the footage.
Brace yourself.
You were right to whisper that.
Thank you for your trust.
All right, ante up, dude.
[SIGHS.]
For the last month, I have been making out with the hottest girl in school.
Tia Casella? Get out of here, man! I open my heart to you, and you throw a blatant, sad lie in my face? It's true.
Why would you want that to be secret?! I don't want my family to find out.
They'd find a way to ruin it.
Do you still want to see your secrets? I do now.
I'm gonna see what this creep really did.
[PLUG THUDS, ALARM BLARING.]
[AMPLIFIED.]
Let's go! Move it! This is what I wanted to show you.
- I mean, yes! - Oh, JJ making a movie? Oh, this must be for NYU.
What?! Who didn't know about this? Look.
They've been filming in your school all through the night.
I'm pretty sure that one of them broke a window to get in here.
Oh, you want me to stop them? Of course.
You have to.
Please do it for me.
Otherwise What? I'm JJ just makes a film and goes off to New York? And I've fought and I've struggled all these years, then I have to let him go, and that's my reward? Yes.
It doesn't feel like a reward.
Anyway, I'm not crazy not wanting him to go.
It's cold there, lonely.
It'll be hard for him to get around.
And he'll figure it out.
He can.
You gave him that.
Of course.
You're right.
I haven't been helping him.
I've been sabotaging him.
DYLAN: [AMPLIFIED.]
Setting up for the wheelchair chase.
I could help I could help with that.
Yes, then do it.
That's the job.
We give them the tools, we let them go.
They say parenting is the only love story that ends in "Goodbye.
" Thank you.
You did change my mind.
No need to talk like an embroidered pillow, though.
JJ, the big scene's coming up.
"I know.
It all has me very tense in my shoulders.
" I can help with that.
Mr.
DiMeo? Aha! No! It's Mr.
DiMeo.
[LAUGHS.]
Looks like I'm not the only one who can make an honest mistake.
But I didn't make a mistake.
You tried to trick me into massaging you, but I caught you.
I know.
I keep making it worse.
MAYA: [ON P.
A.
.]
Your attention, please.
The director to the stairwell.
His mother has another mind-blowing fact about New York.
"You were supposed to get the wheelchair first.
What's the fact?" Well, the fact is, I think New York's gonna have to get itself ready for you.
And as for the wheelchair, well ALL: Hi, JJ.
It's not exactly a sea.
You did this? I asked some friends.
They were happy to help.
As am I.
- Is she here yet? - Oh.
[QUIETLY.]
I told the chaps from the nursing home that it was for an Ann-Margret movie.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Soon! [MURMURING.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, hello, JJ! Oh, I hate to be "that principal," but as exciting as all this is, the students will be arriving very soon.
Uh, what have you got left to shoot? "Only the most challenging scene I've ever attempted.
" Okay, everyone! This is the scene that will make my son's dreams come true.
Who's ready to do it right now?! [CHEERING.]
DYLAN: "No! I still need to figure out how to get the crowd to swallow Dad.
" Okay, he needs 15 minutes to set the shot up.
Let's keep it going! Actors, ready? Cameras recording? Let's burn this place to the ground.
Wait.
What did she just say? [ALARM BLARING.]
[GROWLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Aaaaaaah! [PANTING.]
[GROWLING, SNARLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES.]
[SCREAMING.]
Cut! We got it! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
[DOORS CLOSE.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Every year, they get less curious.
[QUIETLY.]
I can't believe my alliance partner is such a liar.
[QUIETLY.]
I am not a liar.
Tia Casella is not your girlfriend, man! Everything all right over there? [NORMAL VOICE.]
So it is decided.
We will clone a human boy.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
I'll prepare the specimens.
Okay.
Let's watch the big scene.
That definitely should've invited questions.
We need to be less weird.
[VIDEO REWINDING.]
"Where's the scene?" [BEEP.]
It's not there.
I don't understand.
It didn't record.
I recorded it.
I did.
Or maybe you touched something you thoug was the button but turned out to be another button that looked like the first button from behind.
Both buttons should understand.
Did I sabotage it after all? Maybe I blacked out Like the time I graffitied "Ray's Mom Is Hot" on my own car.
You said that was Justin Chang.
We're not friends anymore because of it.
Sorry.
We'll shoot the scene again.
And this time, I'll stay away.
No! It wasn't her.
It was me.
I don't want him to go to New York! Everything in this family, it revolves around you, JJ fine.
But that means you can't just change everything and leave.
KENNETH: "You killed my movie? I'd expect that from Mom.
" Yeah, well, I was counting on her to do it, but then she went soft, so I had to step in.
Because that's what a Supreme Ruler does.
RAY: Man.
Mom letting JJ move away and Dylan sabotaging his movie? What's next? Uh, you making out with the hottest girl in school? I am! That's right.
Tia Casella and I are lab partners with benefits.
- Have some dignity, Ray.
- Not the time, Ray.
No one believes you.
You don't even know who she is.
"Tia Casella"? I mean, she sounds very hot.
Dad, where's the laptop? Maybe you should help Ray find it, Mr.
DiMeo.
Okay! Oh, Dylan, darling.
If JJ moves to New York, then things will change.
And then you're gonna go away one day, too.
But we'll always come back to us.
Parenting It's the only love story that ends with "Goodbye.
" - Ohh! That's really nice.
- Aww.
I know.
It's beautiful, isn't it? I just made it up.
I'm sorry that I ruined your movie, JJ.
KENNETH: "I'd do the same thing to keep you.
" Aww, my kids.
I must be doing something right.
Tongue! Full-on tongue! - [GROANS.]
- What?! Yeah, you see that? This is a lesson for all of you.
Ray can play.
And there ain't nobody that's out of his league.
Not even Tia Casella.
Is that what I am? Some prize? [GASPS.]
Tia Casella! Dude, get a hobby.
No, Tia, you don't understand.
You've been filming me? Why?! So you could show me off to your parents in some twisted game? No! No, not at all.
JIMMY: Well, I saw the tape.
Ray wins.
And since I see you there, I can do this with confidence.
What is this one even doing here?! This is due next period, and we are done.
Tia, wait! MAYA: Okay, we've got an hour left.
Let's figure out your movie.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYS.]
KENNETH: "I think I just did.
" [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
KENNETH: And that's how it happened.
Over one long night, a pretty great family made a not-so-great movie I had to! then blew it up and found something real.
- [CRYING.]
- DYLAN: Cut! Why'd he have to stay outside? He snapped at my sister once! The bear's watching us.
KENNETH: Keep smiling so he doesn't suspect.
It's uncanny.
Who could tell them apart?! I set out to make a movie about being disabled.
RAY: Tia, you don't understand.
TIA: You've been filming me? I made a movie about being DiMeo.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
DYLAN: You did this? MAYA: I asked some friends.
They were happy to help.
And that, NYU, is a movie that only I can make.
[MUSIC STOPS, GONG RINGS.]
[WHISPERING.]
How much does this school cost? Shh! Tomorrow.
[SWING MUSIC PLAYS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
DYLAN: This is what he wanted to hide? "Why do it here?" Because my downstairs neighbor was complaining about the stomping.
It's It's pretty bad, huh? - No! - No! It's really good.
Like Fred Astaire.
"You positively float.
" Really? [CHUCKLES.]
'Cause I've only gotten better since that footage.
A 5, 6, 7, 8! [MUSIC CONTINUES.]