Stargate SG-1 s03e16 Episode Script
Urgo
There's a sustainable atmosphere.
Temperature's 78°F,|barometric pressure is normal.
No obvious signs of civilisation.
P4X-884 looks like|an untouched paradise, sir.
Appearances may be deceiving.
- One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
|- A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Never run with scissors? - Were you trying to make a point, Major?|- Yes, sir.
We should perform a recon mission.
Mineral and biological survey - to see if|884 is a viable site for a research colony.
- Very well.
You have a go.
|- Mmm! Mineral survey.
My favourite! - Colonel.
|- I know, General.
It's all fun and games|until someone breaks a nail.
Au revoir, mon general.
- I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.
|- Au revoir.
It's French.
It means ciao.
Ciao means adios.
|Auf Wiedersehen.
Sayonara.
Which all, loosely translated, mean .
.
goodbye? Stand down.
What happened? - What happened?|- That's what I just asked you.
Will someone please explain? General, we just left.
We went through|the gate and we came back here.
Major, you've been gone over 1 5 hours.
Blood work is normal.
So far, you check out fine.
What about the lost time? Could we have been|drugged with something? There's no new marks on your skin to|indicate injections or any kind of struggle.
What's the last thing you remember? We were walking up the ramp.
O'Neill was explaining|the meaning of ciao.
We stepped through,|we stepped back through.
That's what happened|as far as we're concerned.
When you didn't come back,|we sent a second MALP.
All it showed was the same image|of the alien planet we saw before.
There was no sign of you|and no response to our radio call.
That's why there were two MALPs|in the gate room.
Both came back just before you.
|We assumed you sent them.
It wasn't us, sir.
This is the Mark Il MALP's transmission.
- That's what we saw, Major.
|- Yes, sir.
Same as the first.
Except where is it? If this is the second MALP, we should see|the first MALP near the Stargate.
Isn't that thing supposed to|probe a little? Well, then there'd be tracks, sir,|and there are none in this image.
Watch what happens when you run|the playback frame by frame.
There.
- (Jackson) Hello.
|- What is it? I'm not sure.
Their technology|is advanced beyond ours.
- Then the previous image was faked?|- There's no other explanation, sir.
The images portraying this planet|seem to have been manufactured - .
.
and then broadcast back to us.
|- (Hammond) Why? Possibly with the intended purpose|of luring us into this room.
See? I knew it was too good to be true.
Wow! This coffee's great.
I was just thinking that.
- Yeah, is that cinnamon?|- It's, uh it's chicory.
Mmm, chicory.
Teal'c? Ah! - Isn't that hot?|- Extremely.
Just stay on the base.
We're going to need to keep an eye|on you for the time being.
- I feel fine.
|- As do l, Daniel Jackson.
For someone who just drank|half a gallon of steaming hot coffee! Right.
- Hungry?|- Yeah.
Try the pie.
So I'm running a full diagnostic on that - Wow!|- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best pie I've ever had.
|- Well, what's so different about it? - Same old pie.
|- It is most satisfying.
- Why do they taste so good?|- I don't know.
All I do know is|I don't even like yoghurt.
(Tannoy) SG-1, report to med lab 3.
Wait.
Sorry Sorry.
(Dr Fraiser) The scans have a percentage|of error.
It looks like an errant pixel.
But it's in the same place|on each of the scans.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So I had to run|a comparative analysis to be sure.
It's in the exact same spot|in each of your brains but .
.
you're talking about something|smaller than a pinhead.
Barely large enough to show on an X-ray.
Right.
Which is why I also needed|to run an electron resonance scan, and This is, uh,|magnified several thousand times, sir.
That thing's in all of us? I'm afraid so.
Can these devices be removed? Not without causing|irreparable brain damage, sir.
What's the downside? How they were implanted without|any injury to the cortex is beyond me.
- What threat do they pose?|- All desserts on base are in grave danger.
An electromagnetic field is being emitted.
|But I'm not sure what that means.
All we've noticed are some cravings|and an increased acuity in our senses.
Especially taste and smell.
Until we find out the true purpose|of these objects, I'm quarantining you .
.
with a 24-hour guard.
(man) Boring! - Who said that?|- It wasn't me.
What d'you say we all go do somethin'? Teal'c? - Did you hear that?|- I did.
- Who's there?|- OK! I'll make it so that you can all see me,|but only because you asked.
- You all can see me, right?|- Apparently.
Oh, good, I'm so glad.
|Hello, hello, hello.
(chuckles) - Now you all say it.
|- (all) Hello, Urgo.
(laughs) You're all much better-looking|on the outside than on the inside.
On the inside, it's so complicated.
|Oooh, please! Airman! Could you come here? Do you see an intruder|in this room anywhere? No, sir.
Right.
Dismissed.
(chuckles) - All right.
What are you?|- Urgo.
Which might explain why|we all just said "Hello, Urgo.
" - No, you are not dreaming.
|- You read our thoughts? Don't panic.
Just the thoughts|you're having at the moment.
Of course.
|You're actually in our heads, aren't you? You are so smart, Samantha.
|I love that about you! Carter? The technology|implanted in our brains, sir.
We're looking at a visual communication|interface: controlled hallucination.
So I - Uh What?|- He gets confused! By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen? This is incredible.
I mean,|the devices must be linked somehow.
Dr Fraiser said they're emitting|a small EM field - Iike radio frequencies.
The devices in our brain are|some sort of wireless computer network? Yeah, an incredibly sophisticated one,|able to work over significant distances.
We were all drawn to the commissary|when Colonel O'Neill was eating dessert.
- He can make us do stuff?|- No, never.
In spite of what you're thinking, never.
But you can make suggestions,|can't you? - And enhance our sensory perception.
|- Like making things taste better.
- Well, didn't it?|- Well, why not? I mean, he's tapped into our brains.
|He's making us all see and hear him.
Boring! By the way,|who decorated this room? It is so plain! Don't tell me your whole planet's|like this.
Not the whole planet! Hey, couldn't we go someplace else -|that's not here? Someplace, y'know .
.
that's not here? Um Kree! Anywhere.
(whispers) Boring.
OK.
So what does he look like? A famous tenor.
What's this? And you're seeing the exact same thing|at the exact same time? Yep.
- What is this?|- It's a defibrillator.
Ahhh, interesting.
Thank you.
Is it defibrillating now? He, um|it seems to crave new experiences.
The paddles administer a shock to people|whose hearts are beating irregularly.
Ah! And then they feel better?|Does it feel good? Does it hurt? - Woo! It hurts!|- I would think so.
- Let's try it.
|- No, I don't think so.
Why not?|It's not gonna kill you, is it? Or is it? It talks to you? It's experiencing things through us,|using our senses to collect information.
Try the paddles.
So do you experience any|physical sensations? Hey! - Teal'c!|- Will you loosen up? Hey I'm loose.
He doesn't have total control over us.
|Just the power of suggestion.
He can also enhance our enjoyment|of experiences in order to motivate us.
Really? - He's unresponsive to direct questioning.
|- No.
No, that's not true.
I'm picking your brains.
|You can pick mine.
I'll tell you anything.
Ask me.
Ask me anything.
What? What? - How do we remove you from our brains?|- Oh (blows raspberry) Except that! - Duh!|- You said anything.
Why do you wanna remove me|from your brains? I'm in your brains.
I know you like me.
You can't fool me.
No, Urgo.
We don't like you.
- Oh, admit it, tough guy.
A smidgen?|- No smidgen.
I wouldn't blame you.
|I have endearing qualities.
- He will not cooperate, O'Neill.
|- Why, you! Years from now,|when you think of me, you'll say .
.
"How did I ever get along without|that wonderful constant companion?" Woof.
- Years from now?|- Woof? There is no way to remove me|from your brains.
Forget about it.
What are you doing there|in the first place? Well (chuckles) She got it.
You got it.
I'm here to learn.
|I'm here to experience your world.
So we've been tagged - Iike we do with|wild animals when we wanna study them.
- We are not wild animals.
|- Speak for yourself, big fella.
Hang on a second.
The race who created|you and put these things in our brains.
They're gonna want the information|you're collecting.
- I suppose.
|- So how do they get it? - You don't wanna know.
|- Let's say I do.
You will never have to find out.
Aren't you programmed?|I mean, how can you defy your creators? Because they're evil, scary evil, and we|don't want anything to do with them.
If we contact whoever created|the technology That would be bad.
Very bad.
- Why should we listen to you?|- OK.
I know you only like me a little bit, but I|like you a lot and I do not want you to die.
- Die?|- Yes, as in dead.
They're gonna kill ya.
They open your brains|with a giant can-opener, .
.
and then they scoop me out|with a big scoopy thing.
That's how it works.
It's death or me.
Me or death.
You have to decide.
Me or death.
Well? We're thinking.
(Urgo) Me me me me me-me me me-me Me, me, me me me Me me me me me-me-me Me-me me-me me me me me-me me (singing continues) - Will you stop it?|- Jeez! Please.
So this technology|is living vicariously through you.
I say we risk it all|and go back to the planet.
What if he's telling the truth|about his creators? - There's no way to get him out of us here.
|- No.
No way.
- No.
|- See? (chuckles) She knows.
Maybe there's another way.
|I haven't studied the technology, - .
.
but I can figure out how to turn him off.
|- Turn me off? - Please.
|- Don't waste your time.
It's impossible! Hey! I got an idea.
|Why don't we play hide-and-seek? You hide and I'll, you know I'm not gonna cheat.
|You know, cos I have But I'm not One, two, three - Whatever you need, Major.
Dismissed.
|- Thank you.
.
.
six, seven, eight, .
.
nine, ten.
I don't have time to play, Urgo.
|I don't care if I'm "it".
I have work to do! No, I am not hungry.
|Go eat pie with Colonel O'Neill.
- I'm very busy right now.
|- Major.
- Hi.
I was just talking to Urgo, sir.
|- I see.
- Oh, I wish you did.
|- Urgo, Major Carter would like Uh, Janet, he's over here.
Well then, Urgo,|Major Carter would like to be left alone.
Janet, um,|as much as I appreciate it, please - Urgo, that is rude!|- What did he say? Uh if you'll excuse me,|I have work to do.
Doctor, are we entirely sure that the|members of SG-1 are What's the word? - Sane?|- That's the one.
Yes, sir.
Everything we hear or see|is processed in the brain.
Urgo is creating an image of himself|that they're responding to.
If you say so.
Way off.
Not even close.
Not a chance.
Forget about it.
- Carter.
|- I believe I have a solution, sir.
Please! The electromagnetic field indicates|these devices are based on electronics.
- So smart and yet so wrong.
|- I don't think so.
- An EM pulse should do it, sir.
|- Ahhh! - Ow!|- Oh! Ooh.
- Urgo, that's hot!|- I didn't mean to.
Yes, you did.
Now stop it.
Urgo's been trying to distract me|since I started thinking about it, .
.
so I'm probably on the right track.
I hope I didn't hurt you.
I'm really sorry.
- I'll live.
|- She forgives me.
A strong EM pulse can knock out|most electronic-based technologies.
It would be harmless to us|but it should render Urgo impotent.
Could you, uh rephrase that? Uh - Do it.
|- (Urgo) Oh, please.
Please don't do this.
Hey, listen.
I didn't mean to scald you.
|I-l like you.
I really, really do.
Uh, please.
It was an accident.
This room is shielded, so it won't affect|any of the base's technology.
Don't do this, please.
|What can I do to make you like me? - You sure this won't hurt us?|- No.
It's gonna hurt me.
- We won't even feel it.
|- But I will.
I throw myself at your mercy.
|Please, have mercy! (nervous laugh) Ooh, I know.
I can be smaller.
- How's this?|- Ready? I'm here.
Look how teeny-weeny I am! How could anything this teeny-weeny|hurt anybody? Wait! I can be dull.
Want me to be dull? What a nice grey.
Want some white bread|with mayonnaise? Wanna watch golf? - Will you flip that switch?|- No.
Oh.
How about this? Can you resist this? Oh, don't do that.
Oh, sacrebleu! I'm melting.
I'm melting!|What a world! What a world Pulse hasn't gone off yet.
It's on a timer.
Oh.
How much time do l - That's it?|- Yep.
- I feel no differently.
|- Listen.
What? Exactly.
Way to go, Sam.
We'll see.
The devices are still present, but the EM|field that was emitted by them is gone.
Everything else checks out.
Request permission for SG-1|to go back to work sir.
- Give it a week.
|- A week? Well everything looks normal.
- How are you feeling?|- Great.
I just wanna get back to work.
Next weekend,|Cassandra and I are going to the lake .
.
and we're going to rent a rowboat.
|Like to come? - Yeah, I'd love to.
|- Great.
- Can you send Daniel up next?|- Yeah.
OK.
Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily|Life is (O'Neill) .
.
merrily, merrily|Life is but a dream And row, row, row your boat (Jackson) Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily (Teal'c) Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily|Life is but a dream (all continue singing the round) I was not singing.
|I'd know if I was singing.
I don't even know the words to .
.
merrily|Life is but a dream Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream OK.
If you call that singing.
Urgo.
I couldn't help myself! No! - I was so sure it would work.
|- Oh, it did.
Don't feel bad.
It did work for a while.
Everything went|away.
It was very sad.
Very, very sad.
And then all of a sudden I was back|in your brains where I belong.
The system must have|some sort of reset.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too, because as long as that|device is capable of influencing you, - .
.
you're relieved of active duty.
|- General, is that necessary? Whether you admit it or not,|you've been compromised.
The fact is, an alien entity|has control over you - however limited.
- We don't know what it's capable of.
|- He can't make us do anything, sir.
Then why did I treat your arm for a burn?|Didn't you say Urgo was responsible? - I didn't mean to.
|- He didn't mean to.
It was not his intention.
I trust I've made my point.
Come on, Urgo.
Be a mensch.
|How do we get rid of ya? I have no idea.
I really I just don't know.
- He really may not know, sir.
|- How could he not know? - He's just the program.
|- Program? Your software doesn't know|how your computer works.
Hey! My software doesn't make me sing|"Row, Row, Row Your Boat".
Don't fight.
I'm here.
|What's the difference how? I'm not gonna make another noise.
|Not a peep.
Nothing.
I'm gonna be quiet, like a little|tiny mouse - not a peep.
Watch.
I got an idea! Why don't we play a game -|some sort of a wonderful game? Something with a dictionary.
It's fun.
You know, you get a word and|you write what you think the word is.
It's a lot of laughs - and educational.
|It's really nice.
I think you'll like it.
Chevron seven encoded and locked.
- What's that?|- Actually, it's our version of you.
But not as suave and sophisticated,|n'est-ce pas? It's equipped with sensors,|video camera, microphone.
- We use it to explore, like you do|- Carter.
Sorry.
I don't know why|I was telling him that.
Hello! Oh! How beautiful!|Can we go there? It's an illusion.
Your creators do this|in order to lure people into their trap.
See, I told you they were mean.
|That's mean! The MALP is on-line, General.
This is General Hammond of Earth.
We know the images being transmitted|to us are false.
We request a dialogue.
Please respond.
(whispers) Why is he doing that? We want to communicate|with your creators.
No.
Bad.
No.
It's our last alternative before we|resort to actually going back there.
You were just thinking of Maui,|with the big beaches and the little bikinis.
That's where we should go, cos it's nice|and warm there - instead of being here.
(male voice) Who dares challenge Togar? (whispers) That voice.
That's him! Dr Jackson? This is Dr Daniel Jackson.
|We don't mean to challenge you.
We've found your devices in our brains.
We'd like you to remove them.
Him.
Him? - Urgo.
|- How do you know this name? He told us.
- He interacts with us.
|- He's driving us crazy! That is an error.
Return the subjects.
|Urgo will be removed.
- You heard the man.
|- Sir, we could be risking our lives.
OK.
Let's ask the question:|do we wanna give up SG-1 .
.
and walk around the rest of our lives|with him yappin' away in our heads? (whispers) Yes.
Say yes.
Or do we try and find a way to get rid|of him so we can get on with our lives? - No.
Say no.
|- Sorry Urgo.
That's good enough.
Teal'c? If we are to remain|in the service of this world, .
.
Urgo must be removed.
Sam.
Sammy.
You like me.
|I remind you of your Uncle lrving.
Bubeleh! (pop!) Remember? Yeah, I guess you do a little.
Carter.
Sorry.
Sorry - I guess I say we we go.
|- Then it's settled.
What do you suppose Togar|really meant by "an error"? He meant Urgo wasn't supposed|to be interacting with us.
Oh, please.
Please don't go.
|He's gonna kill you.
He really will.
He's nasty.
|It'll be a painful and awful death.
Honest.
OK.
OK, fine.
He's gonna kill me.
You heard him! Oh, you people, for cryin' out loud!|Don't you have any feelings? - Do you?|- Carter! Why do you humour him? He's programmed for self-preservation.
Sir, that voice, Togar,|said that this was an error.
We're probably not even supposed|to know he's here.
You aren't supposed to interact with us.
Well, um Actually, when I first, uh .
.
and we got to be f Technically? No.
- Can you describe how you're feeling?|- Me? Nervous.
Agitated.
A little hungry.
- Afraid?|- Oh, sure.
OK.
- Of what?|- Oh, going away, like last time.
Not experiencing.
|Not being here with you.
- Of death?|- Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, sure.
Big time.
He's gonna kill me, and that's why|that death thing keeps poppin' up.
- Sir|- Carter.
- Wait a minute, Jack.
|- Daniel.
What constitutes a sentient life form? - Self-awareness.
Consciousness.
|- I'm me.
No doubt about that.
- What else?|- The ability to think independently.
I'm independent.
|I just, you know Iike company.
- Fear of death?|- I got that, too! You're not gonna convince me it's alive.
|Look! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! He's not really here.
|He's here.
In our heads.
Many life forms|require other life forms to live.
Then you are a parasite.
Like the Goa'uld.
(mocks Teal'c) A parasite.
|Like the Goa-ooh.
Or a Tok'ra.
Just being parasitical by|nature doesn't make you inherently bad.
- It's a machine.
|- That hurts.
Sir, he's artificial intelligence but .
.
just because somebody made him|doesn't mean he isn't alive.
- Listen to her!|- So what are you saying? I'm saying that we should consider it.
Maybe this error wasn't an error, but|a kind of higher technological evolution.
The birth of a whole new life form.
- I can't believe this, but I agree with Sam.
|- What? - Well, sir, it's just|- No! Hammond said it.
We've been compromised.
We explain the situation to this Togar guy.
He can deal with Hugo|once he's out of our heads.
- Urgo.
|- Urgo.
Let's go.
Oh! I'm doomed.
I hate it when that happens.
Ooh, this is bad! This is very bad.
Very bad.
Do not move,|or I will render you unconscious! If necessary.
You're Togar? Yes.
Togar! As handsome as he is evil.
- There is no reason to fear us.
|- I fear you not.
(whistles) Ooh, he's a madman.
He's an evil,|terrible madman.
Run for your lives.
- I hear you.
Be silent.
|- Wait.
You hear him? Yes.
Hear and see.
Then you should be able|to see that he's afraid.
Relocate.
Hm? Togar, I'd like to point out|that when I called you madman, .
.
l meant it in the nicest possible way.
Come.
Come forward.
Come forth.
Stay.
Watch.
Urgo is this.
The specimen is unharmed.
As you will be.
- What about Urgo?|- It will be destroyed.
See? Oh, what'd I tell you?|Oh, please! Don't let him do this to me.
Teal'c? Help.
Kree! Jump him.
Give him a double Jaffa-Jaffa kick.
Go on! - Your technology is very advanced.
|- Yes.
They're too scared to experience things Enough! We're grateful that you will|take Urgo out of our minds.
The point is,|we think Urgo may actually be alive.
- He is an error.
|- Maybe he is.
- Another word for it might be miracle.
|- That is ridiculous.
Well, what you call an error|has somehow resulted in life.
He's self-aware, he thinks independently,|he's afraid of his own death.
By any definition, he's acting alive.
All we're saying is that maybe there's|a way of doing this without killing him.
- There is not!|- OK.
Had to ask.
I don't understand.
Why not? The unit must be in a life form.
|It cannot exist on its own.
There has to be some way.
You created it.
- You'd be killing something you gave life.
|- Dad That's a terrible idea.
|I'd rather die a painful and horrible death.
It was just a thought.
I wanna live.
I wanna experience|the universe and I wanna eat pie.
- Who doesn't?|- Enough babbling.
Explain.
I was just thinking that maybe|you'd wanna put Urgo in you.
No! I wouldn't do that.
I'd rather|be in that with the eyes and No! The purpose of the technology|is to observe and explore.
But the technology is different now.
We don't know you, but I get the distinct|feeling that Urgo is everything you're not.
You can say that again.
But I think that he's everything|you wish you were.
Outgoing, adventuresome Annoying.
(Jackson) It would be a chance to change.
To maybe experience some of the|things that you're afraid to do yourself.
No! Not afraid.
Why do you not explore worlds|through the Stargate yourself? It could help me learn|how the error occurred.
- Then you'll do it?|- I could try.
Count me out.
I don't wanna do it.
He's|mean and boring and and and mean.
We're giving you a chance here.
- Him or death!|- No, l - Death or him.
|- Oh, dear.
- Well?|- I'm thinking.
He's so so uh - Mean?|- Yeah.
- Boring?|- Mm! - So change him.
|- Me change him? Ha ha ha ha ha.
(sighs) OK.
I'll do it.
Urgo thinks it's a great idea.
|I'm sure you'll enjoy his presence.
See, I knew it.
|I knew you liked me.
I was right.
Maybe a little.
- How about a hug?|- Don't push it.
Urgo? - Urgo is here.
|- I'm here! I'm here! Well, Togar Thanks for your hospitality.
|We appreciate it.
I will return you to your planet now.
Wait.
Togar How do we know|that Urgo's really alive? - I'm here! I'm here! Tell 'em!|- I will, as soon as you are quiet.
(both) He's alive.
Urgo says goodbye,|and I say thank you.
Bye, Urgo.
Now we've gotten to know each other|and helped each other out, .
.
maybe we could|share information about Ohh, I'm gonna miss 'em! - Hey, I know.
Why don't we|- No! - Why not?|- No! - It's fun.
|- No.
Are you sure that|we're thinking the same thing? - Positive.
|- But you don't know what you're missing! (Stargate alarm) Stand down.
- Quarantine, stand by.
|- Glad you're back safe, SG-1 .
Was the mission successful? Uh General, didn't we just You've been gone over ten hours, Major.
- Oh, boy.
|- Report to the infirmary.
Yes, sir.
Temperature's 78°F,|barometric pressure is normal.
No obvious signs of civilisation.
P4X-884 looks like|an untouched paradise, sir.
Appearances may be deceiving.
- One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
|- A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Never run with scissors? - Were you trying to make a point, Major?|- Yes, sir.
We should perform a recon mission.
Mineral and biological survey - to see if|884 is a viable site for a research colony.
- Very well.
You have a go.
|- Mmm! Mineral survey.
My favourite! - Colonel.
|- I know, General.
It's all fun and games|until someone breaks a nail.
Au revoir, mon general.
- I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.
|- Au revoir.
It's French.
It means ciao.
Ciao means adios.
|Auf Wiedersehen.
Sayonara.
Which all, loosely translated, mean .
.
goodbye? Stand down.
What happened? - What happened?|- That's what I just asked you.
Will someone please explain? General, we just left.
We went through|the gate and we came back here.
Major, you've been gone over 1 5 hours.
Blood work is normal.
So far, you check out fine.
What about the lost time? Could we have been|drugged with something? There's no new marks on your skin to|indicate injections or any kind of struggle.
What's the last thing you remember? We were walking up the ramp.
O'Neill was explaining|the meaning of ciao.
We stepped through,|we stepped back through.
That's what happened|as far as we're concerned.
When you didn't come back,|we sent a second MALP.
All it showed was the same image|of the alien planet we saw before.
There was no sign of you|and no response to our radio call.
That's why there were two MALPs|in the gate room.
Both came back just before you.
|We assumed you sent them.
It wasn't us, sir.
This is the Mark Il MALP's transmission.
- That's what we saw, Major.
|- Yes, sir.
Same as the first.
Except where is it? If this is the second MALP, we should see|the first MALP near the Stargate.
Isn't that thing supposed to|probe a little? Well, then there'd be tracks, sir,|and there are none in this image.
Watch what happens when you run|the playback frame by frame.
There.
- (Jackson) Hello.
|- What is it? I'm not sure.
Their technology|is advanced beyond ours.
- Then the previous image was faked?|- There's no other explanation, sir.
The images portraying this planet|seem to have been manufactured - .
.
and then broadcast back to us.
|- (Hammond) Why? Possibly with the intended purpose|of luring us into this room.
See? I knew it was too good to be true.
Wow! This coffee's great.
I was just thinking that.
- Yeah, is that cinnamon?|- It's, uh it's chicory.
Mmm, chicory.
Teal'c? Ah! - Isn't that hot?|- Extremely.
Just stay on the base.
We're going to need to keep an eye|on you for the time being.
- I feel fine.
|- As do l, Daniel Jackson.
For someone who just drank|half a gallon of steaming hot coffee! Right.
- Hungry?|- Yeah.
Try the pie.
So I'm running a full diagnostic on that - Wow!|- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best pie I've ever had.
|- Well, what's so different about it? - Same old pie.
|- It is most satisfying.
- Why do they taste so good?|- I don't know.
All I do know is|I don't even like yoghurt.
(Tannoy) SG-1, report to med lab 3.
Wait.
Sorry Sorry.
(Dr Fraiser) The scans have a percentage|of error.
It looks like an errant pixel.
But it's in the same place|on each of the scans.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So I had to run|a comparative analysis to be sure.
It's in the exact same spot|in each of your brains but .
.
you're talking about something|smaller than a pinhead.
Barely large enough to show on an X-ray.
Right.
Which is why I also needed|to run an electron resonance scan, and This is, uh,|magnified several thousand times, sir.
That thing's in all of us? I'm afraid so.
Can these devices be removed? Not without causing|irreparable brain damage, sir.
What's the downside? How they were implanted without|any injury to the cortex is beyond me.
- What threat do they pose?|- All desserts on base are in grave danger.
An electromagnetic field is being emitted.
|But I'm not sure what that means.
All we've noticed are some cravings|and an increased acuity in our senses.
Especially taste and smell.
Until we find out the true purpose|of these objects, I'm quarantining you .
.
with a 24-hour guard.
(man) Boring! - Who said that?|- It wasn't me.
What d'you say we all go do somethin'? Teal'c? - Did you hear that?|- I did.
- Who's there?|- OK! I'll make it so that you can all see me,|but only because you asked.
- You all can see me, right?|- Apparently.
Oh, good, I'm so glad.
|Hello, hello, hello.
(chuckles) - Now you all say it.
|- (all) Hello, Urgo.
(laughs) You're all much better-looking|on the outside than on the inside.
On the inside, it's so complicated.
|Oooh, please! Airman! Could you come here? Do you see an intruder|in this room anywhere? No, sir.
Right.
Dismissed.
(chuckles) - All right.
What are you?|- Urgo.
Which might explain why|we all just said "Hello, Urgo.
" - No, you are not dreaming.
|- You read our thoughts? Don't panic.
Just the thoughts|you're having at the moment.
Of course.
|You're actually in our heads, aren't you? You are so smart, Samantha.
|I love that about you! Carter? The technology|implanted in our brains, sir.
We're looking at a visual communication|interface: controlled hallucination.
So I - Uh What?|- He gets confused! By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen? This is incredible.
I mean,|the devices must be linked somehow.
Dr Fraiser said they're emitting|a small EM field - Iike radio frequencies.
The devices in our brain are|some sort of wireless computer network? Yeah, an incredibly sophisticated one,|able to work over significant distances.
We were all drawn to the commissary|when Colonel O'Neill was eating dessert.
- He can make us do stuff?|- No, never.
In spite of what you're thinking, never.
But you can make suggestions,|can't you? - And enhance our sensory perception.
|- Like making things taste better.
- Well, didn't it?|- Well, why not? I mean, he's tapped into our brains.
|He's making us all see and hear him.
Boring! By the way,|who decorated this room? It is so plain! Don't tell me your whole planet's|like this.
Not the whole planet! Hey, couldn't we go someplace else -|that's not here? Someplace, y'know .
.
that's not here? Um Kree! Anywhere.
(whispers) Boring.
OK.
So what does he look like? A famous tenor.
What's this? And you're seeing the exact same thing|at the exact same time? Yep.
- What is this?|- It's a defibrillator.
Ahhh, interesting.
Thank you.
Is it defibrillating now? He, um|it seems to crave new experiences.
The paddles administer a shock to people|whose hearts are beating irregularly.
Ah! And then they feel better?|Does it feel good? Does it hurt? - Woo! It hurts!|- I would think so.
- Let's try it.
|- No, I don't think so.
Why not?|It's not gonna kill you, is it? Or is it? It talks to you? It's experiencing things through us,|using our senses to collect information.
Try the paddles.
So do you experience any|physical sensations? Hey! - Teal'c!|- Will you loosen up? Hey I'm loose.
He doesn't have total control over us.
|Just the power of suggestion.
He can also enhance our enjoyment|of experiences in order to motivate us.
Really? - He's unresponsive to direct questioning.
|- No.
No, that's not true.
I'm picking your brains.
|You can pick mine.
I'll tell you anything.
Ask me.
Ask me anything.
What? What? - How do we remove you from our brains?|- Oh (blows raspberry) Except that! - Duh!|- You said anything.
Why do you wanna remove me|from your brains? I'm in your brains.
I know you like me.
You can't fool me.
No, Urgo.
We don't like you.
- Oh, admit it, tough guy.
A smidgen?|- No smidgen.
I wouldn't blame you.
|I have endearing qualities.
- He will not cooperate, O'Neill.
|- Why, you! Years from now,|when you think of me, you'll say .
.
"How did I ever get along without|that wonderful constant companion?" Woof.
- Years from now?|- Woof? There is no way to remove me|from your brains.
Forget about it.
What are you doing there|in the first place? Well (chuckles) She got it.
You got it.
I'm here to learn.
|I'm here to experience your world.
So we've been tagged - Iike we do with|wild animals when we wanna study them.
- We are not wild animals.
|- Speak for yourself, big fella.
Hang on a second.
The race who created|you and put these things in our brains.
They're gonna want the information|you're collecting.
- I suppose.
|- So how do they get it? - You don't wanna know.
|- Let's say I do.
You will never have to find out.
Aren't you programmed?|I mean, how can you defy your creators? Because they're evil, scary evil, and we|don't want anything to do with them.
If we contact whoever created|the technology That would be bad.
Very bad.
- Why should we listen to you?|- OK.
I know you only like me a little bit, but I|like you a lot and I do not want you to die.
- Die?|- Yes, as in dead.
They're gonna kill ya.
They open your brains|with a giant can-opener, .
.
and then they scoop me out|with a big scoopy thing.
That's how it works.
It's death or me.
Me or death.
You have to decide.
Me or death.
Well? We're thinking.
(Urgo) Me me me me me-me me me-me Me, me, me me me Me me me me me-me-me Me-me me-me me me me me-me me (singing continues) - Will you stop it?|- Jeez! Please.
So this technology|is living vicariously through you.
I say we risk it all|and go back to the planet.
What if he's telling the truth|about his creators? - There's no way to get him out of us here.
|- No.
No way.
- No.
|- See? (chuckles) She knows.
Maybe there's another way.
|I haven't studied the technology, - .
.
but I can figure out how to turn him off.
|- Turn me off? - Please.
|- Don't waste your time.
It's impossible! Hey! I got an idea.
|Why don't we play hide-and-seek? You hide and I'll, you know I'm not gonna cheat.
|You know, cos I have But I'm not One, two, three - Whatever you need, Major.
Dismissed.
|- Thank you.
.
.
six, seven, eight, .
.
nine, ten.
I don't have time to play, Urgo.
|I don't care if I'm "it".
I have work to do! No, I am not hungry.
|Go eat pie with Colonel O'Neill.
- I'm very busy right now.
|- Major.
- Hi.
I was just talking to Urgo, sir.
|- I see.
- Oh, I wish you did.
|- Urgo, Major Carter would like Uh, Janet, he's over here.
Well then, Urgo,|Major Carter would like to be left alone.
Janet, um,|as much as I appreciate it, please - Urgo, that is rude!|- What did he say? Uh if you'll excuse me,|I have work to do.
Doctor, are we entirely sure that the|members of SG-1 are What's the word? - Sane?|- That's the one.
Yes, sir.
Everything we hear or see|is processed in the brain.
Urgo is creating an image of himself|that they're responding to.
If you say so.
Way off.
Not even close.
Not a chance.
Forget about it.
- Carter.
|- I believe I have a solution, sir.
Please! The electromagnetic field indicates|these devices are based on electronics.
- So smart and yet so wrong.
|- I don't think so.
- An EM pulse should do it, sir.
|- Ahhh! - Ow!|- Oh! Ooh.
- Urgo, that's hot!|- I didn't mean to.
Yes, you did.
Now stop it.
Urgo's been trying to distract me|since I started thinking about it, .
.
so I'm probably on the right track.
I hope I didn't hurt you.
I'm really sorry.
- I'll live.
|- She forgives me.
A strong EM pulse can knock out|most electronic-based technologies.
It would be harmless to us|but it should render Urgo impotent.
Could you, uh rephrase that? Uh - Do it.
|- (Urgo) Oh, please.
Please don't do this.
Hey, listen.
I didn't mean to scald you.
|I-l like you.
I really, really do.
Uh, please.
It was an accident.
This room is shielded, so it won't affect|any of the base's technology.
Don't do this, please.
|What can I do to make you like me? - You sure this won't hurt us?|- No.
It's gonna hurt me.
- We won't even feel it.
|- But I will.
I throw myself at your mercy.
|Please, have mercy! (nervous laugh) Ooh, I know.
I can be smaller.
- How's this?|- Ready? I'm here.
Look how teeny-weeny I am! How could anything this teeny-weeny|hurt anybody? Wait! I can be dull.
Want me to be dull? What a nice grey.
Want some white bread|with mayonnaise? Wanna watch golf? - Will you flip that switch?|- No.
Oh.
How about this? Can you resist this? Oh, don't do that.
Oh, sacrebleu! I'm melting.
I'm melting!|What a world! What a world Pulse hasn't gone off yet.
It's on a timer.
Oh.
How much time do l - That's it?|- Yep.
- I feel no differently.
|- Listen.
What? Exactly.
Way to go, Sam.
We'll see.
The devices are still present, but the EM|field that was emitted by them is gone.
Everything else checks out.
Request permission for SG-1|to go back to work sir.
- Give it a week.
|- A week? Well everything looks normal.
- How are you feeling?|- Great.
I just wanna get back to work.
Next weekend,|Cassandra and I are going to the lake .
.
and we're going to rent a rowboat.
|Like to come? - Yeah, I'd love to.
|- Great.
- Can you send Daniel up next?|- Yeah.
OK.
Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily|Life is (O'Neill) .
.
merrily, merrily|Life is but a dream And row, row, row your boat (Jackson) Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily (Teal'c) Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily|Life is but a dream (all continue singing the round) I was not singing.
|I'd know if I was singing.
I don't even know the words to .
.
merrily|Life is but a dream Row, row, row your boat|Gently down the stream OK.
If you call that singing.
Urgo.
I couldn't help myself! No! - I was so sure it would work.
|- Oh, it did.
Don't feel bad.
It did work for a while.
Everything went|away.
It was very sad.
Very, very sad.
And then all of a sudden I was back|in your brains where I belong.
The system must have|some sort of reset.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too, because as long as that|device is capable of influencing you, - .
.
you're relieved of active duty.
|- General, is that necessary? Whether you admit it or not,|you've been compromised.
The fact is, an alien entity|has control over you - however limited.
- We don't know what it's capable of.
|- He can't make us do anything, sir.
Then why did I treat your arm for a burn?|Didn't you say Urgo was responsible? - I didn't mean to.
|- He didn't mean to.
It was not his intention.
I trust I've made my point.
Come on, Urgo.
Be a mensch.
|How do we get rid of ya? I have no idea.
I really I just don't know.
- He really may not know, sir.
|- How could he not know? - He's just the program.
|- Program? Your software doesn't know|how your computer works.
Hey! My software doesn't make me sing|"Row, Row, Row Your Boat".
Don't fight.
I'm here.
|What's the difference how? I'm not gonna make another noise.
|Not a peep.
Nothing.
I'm gonna be quiet, like a little|tiny mouse - not a peep.
Watch.
I got an idea! Why don't we play a game -|some sort of a wonderful game? Something with a dictionary.
It's fun.
You know, you get a word and|you write what you think the word is.
It's a lot of laughs - and educational.
|It's really nice.
I think you'll like it.
Chevron seven encoded and locked.
- What's that?|- Actually, it's our version of you.
But not as suave and sophisticated,|n'est-ce pas? It's equipped with sensors,|video camera, microphone.
- We use it to explore, like you do|- Carter.
Sorry.
I don't know why|I was telling him that.
Hello! Oh! How beautiful!|Can we go there? It's an illusion.
Your creators do this|in order to lure people into their trap.
See, I told you they were mean.
|That's mean! The MALP is on-line, General.
This is General Hammond of Earth.
We know the images being transmitted|to us are false.
We request a dialogue.
Please respond.
(whispers) Why is he doing that? We want to communicate|with your creators.
No.
Bad.
No.
It's our last alternative before we|resort to actually going back there.
You were just thinking of Maui,|with the big beaches and the little bikinis.
That's where we should go, cos it's nice|and warm there - instead of being here.
(male voice) Who dares challenge Togar? (whispers) That voice.
That's him! Dr Jackson? This is Dr Daniel Jackson.
|We don't mean to challenge you.
We've found your devices in our brains.
We'd like you to remove them.
Him.
Him? - Urgo.
|- How do you know this name? He told us.
- He interacts with us.
|- He's driving us crazy! That is an error.
Return the subjects.
|Urgo will be removed.
- You heard the man.
|- Sir, we could be risking our lives.
OK.
Let's ask the question:|do we wanna give up SG-1 .
.
and walk around the rest of our lives|with him yappin' away in our heads? (whispers) Yes.
Say yes.
Or do we try and find a way to get rid|of him so we can get on with our lives? - No.
Say no.
|- Sorry Urgo.
That's good enough.
Teal'c? If we are to remain|in the service of this world, .
.
Urgo must be removed.
Sam.
Sammy.
You like me.
|I remind you of your Uncle lrving.
Bubeleh! (pop!) Remember? Yeah, I guess you do a little.
Carter.
Sorry.
Sorry - I guess I say we we go.
|- Then it's settled.
What do you suppose Togar|really meant by "an error"? He meant Urgo wasn't supposed|to be interacting with us.
Oh, please.
Please don't go.
|He's gonna kill you.
He really will.
He's nasty.
|It'll be a painful and awful death.
Honest.
OK.
OK, fine.
He's gonna kill me.
You heard him! Oh, you people, for cryin' out loud!|Don't you have any feelings? - Do you?|- Carter! Why do you humour him? He's programmed for self-preservation.
Sir, that voice, Togar,|said that this was an error.
We're probably not even supposed|to know he's here.
You aren't supposed to interact with us.
Well, um Actually, when I first, uh .
.
and we got to be f Technically? No.
- Can you describe how you're feeling?|- Me? Nervous.
Agitated.
A little hungry.
- Afraid?|- Oh, sure.
OK.
- Of what?|- Oh, going away, like last time.
Not experiencing.
|Not being here with you.
- Of death?|- Ooh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, sure.
Big time.
He's gonna kill me, and that's why|that death thing keeps poppin' up.
- Sir|- Carter.
- Wait a minute, Jack.
|- Daniel.
What constitutes a sentient life form? - Self-awareness.
Consciousness.
|- I'm me.
No doubt about that.
- What else?|- The ability to think independently.
I'm independent.
|I just, you know Iike company.
- Fear of death?|- I got that, too! You're not gonna convince me it's alive.
|Look! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! He's not really here.
|He's here.
In our heads.
Many life forms|require other life forms to live.
Then you are a parasite.
Like the Goa'uld.
(mocks Teal'c) A parasite.
|Like the Goa-ooh.
Or a Tok'ra.
Just being parasitical by|nature doesn't make you inherently bad.
- It's a machine.
|- That hurts.
Sir, he's artificial intelligence but .
.
just because somebody made him|doesn't mean he isn't alive.
- Listen to her!|- So what are you saying? I'm saying that we should consider it.
Maybe this error wasn't an error, but|a kind of higher technological evolution.
The birth of a whole new life form.
- I can't believe this, but I agree with Sam.
|- What? - Well, sir, it's just|- No! Hammond said it.
We've been compromised.
We explain the situation to this Togar guy.
He can deal with Hugo|once he's out of our heads.
- Urgo.
|- Urgo.
Let's go.
Oh! I'm doomed.
I hate it when that happens.
Ooh, this is bad! This is very bad.
Very bad.
Do not move,|or I will render you unconscious! If necessary.
You're Togar? Yes.
Togar! As handsome as he is evil.
- There is no reason to fear us.
|- I fear you not.
(whistles) Ooh, he's a madman.
He's an evil,|terrible madman.
Run for your lives.
- I hear you.
Be silent.
|- Wait.
You hear him? Yes.
Hear and see.
Then you should be able|to see that he's afraid.
Relocate.
Hm? Togar, I'd like to point out|that when I called you madman, .
.
l meant it in the nicest possible way.
Come.
Come forward.
Come forth.
Stay.
Watch.
Urgo is this.
The specimen is unharmed.
As you will be.
- What about Urgo?|- It will be destroyed.
See? Oh, what'd I tell you?|Oh, please! Don't let him do this to me.
Teal'c? Help.
Kree! Jump him.
Give him a double Jaffa-Jaffa kick.
Go on! - Your technology is very advanced.
|- Yes.
They're too scared to experience things Enough! We're grateful that you will|take Urgo out of our minds.
The point is,|we think Urgo may actually be alive.
- He is an error.
|- Maybe he is.
- Another word for it might be miracle.
|- That is ridiculous.
Well, what you call an error|has somehow resulted in life.
He's self-aware, he thinks independently,|he's afraid of his own death.
By any definition, he's acting alive.
All we're saying is that maybe there's|a way of doing this without killing him.
- There is not!|- OK.
Had to ask.
I don't understand.
Why not? The unit must be in a life form.
|It cannot exist on its own.
There has to be some way.
You created it.
- You'd be killing something you gave life.
|- Dad That's a terrible idea.
|I'd rather die a painful and horrible death.
It was just a thought.
I wanna live.
I wanna experience|the universe and I wanna eat pie.
- Who doesn't?|- Enough babbling.
Explain.
I was just thinking that maybe|you'd wanna put Urgo in you.
No! I wouldn't do that.
I'd rather|be in that with the eyes and No! The purpose of the technology|is to observe and explore.
But the technology is different now.
We don't know you, but I get the distinct|feeling that Urgo is everything you're not.
You can say that again.
But I think that he's everything|you wish you were.
Outgoing, adventuresome Annoying.
(Jackson) It would be a chance to change.
To maybe experience some of the|things that you're afraid to do yourself.
No! Not afraid.
Why do you not explore worlds|through the Stargate yourself? It could help me learn|how the error occurred.
- Then you'll do it?|- I could try.
Count me out.
I don't wanna do it.
He's|mean and boring and and and mean.
We're giving you a chance here.
- Him or death!|- No, l - Death or him.
|- Oh, dear.
- Well?|- I'm thinking.
He's so so uh - Mean?|- Yeah.
- Boring?|- Mm! - So change him.
|- Me change him? Ha ha ha ha ha.
(sighs) OK.
I'll do it.
Urgo thinks it's a great idea.
|I'm sure you'll enjoy his presence.
See, I knew it.
|I knew you liked me.
I was right.
Maybe a little.
- How about a hug?|- Don't push it.
Urgo? - Urgo is here.
|- I'm here! I'm here! Well, Togar Thanks for your hospitality.
|We appreciate it.
I will return you to your planet now.
Wait.
Togar How do we know|that Urgo's really alive? - I'm here! I'm here! Tell 'em!|- I will, as soon as you are quiet.
(both) He's alive.
Urgo says goodbye,|and I say thank you.
Bye, Urgo.
Now we've gotten to know each other|and helped each other out, .
.
maybe we could|share information about Ohh, I'm gonna miss 'em! - Hey, I know.
Why don't we|- No! - Why not?|- No! - It's fun.
|- No.
Are you sure that|we're thinking the same thing? - Positive.
|- But you don't know what you're missing! (Stargate alarm) Stand down.
- Quarantine, stand by.
|- Glad you're back safe, SG-1 .
Was the mission successful? Uh General, didn't we just You've been gone over ten hours, Major.
- Oh, boy.
|- Report to the infirmary.
Yes, sir.