Bizaardvark (2016) s03e17 Episode Script

1 (kids vocalizing) What's happening? (vocalizing continues) It's Mr.
Finkle and the school's a cappella group.
- (vocalizing continues) - Ladies and gentlemen, auditions are being held today to join the fastest snapping, loudest clapping, a cappella group at Sierra High! Utopia: Perfect Harmony, Perfect World! We are Utopia Perfect Harmony, Perfect World Audition for Utopia Perfect Harmony, Perfect World 4:00 PM today In the multi-purpose room I know what we're not gonna be doing today at 4:00 PM, am I right? Whoo hoo! I will be there at 3:45 (Utopia vocalizing) Paige, you really wanna be a part of that? Of course! We're finally sophomores, so we can audition.
I've been telling you for a year that I wanted to get into a cappella.
Oh, I thought you were talking about making some new kind of pasta.
(in Italian accent) Fettucini, ravioli, a cappella! Come on! Let's audition together! We get to sing, wear adorable outfits.
Let me stop you right there.
They're not adorable outfits.
They're vests.
You know how I feel about vests.
I'm hot here, I'm cold here.
Either finish the sleeves and make it a jacket, or thin out the shoulders and make it a tank top! Are you done? Just gettin' started.
Choreographed snapping, forced smiling, Singing with no comedic hook whatsoever? I truly can't imagine anything worse.
But you should go for it! (squeals) I'm gonna go for it.
Mazel tov, let's go make some videos.
(theme music plays) Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! (squeals happily) Frankie, I did it! Say hello the newest member of Utopia: Perfect Harmony, Perfect World! Do you have to say the whole name every time? Legally, yes.
I signed something.
Congratulations! I know how much this meant to you.
Thanks, and the best part is there's a huge a cappella concert coming up, and I get to perform in it.
The winner goes to State Finals.
How many groups are competing? Just us.
(excited) We're going to State Finals! That's awesome! Can you show me one of the songs you're singing? Oh, um yeah, I might not have all the technical nuances down yet.
Uh (snapping fingers) Boop (snapping fingers) Boop boop (stomping feet rhythmically) Boop What was that? My part in the song.
Well, it doesn't feel like much of a part.
Oh, right, you don't know how this works.
There's a hierarchy to a cappella.
You start off as a "boop-booper.
" Then you move up to "bum-bummer.
" Then if you've got the pipes, you become a "doo-wopper.
" And one day, if you're lucky, you might get to sing actual words! Paige, you're way too talented to just be a bum-bummer.
Whoa ho! Frankie, I'm just a boop-booper.
I'm serious! Your voice is incredible.
You deserve a solo.
And I'm sure if I work hard enough, Mr.
Finkle will give me one.
But for now I'm just honored to be a part of something so special.
Now, I need some privacy so I'll be in the bathroom booping.
Just heard it.
You know what I meant.
You look amazing, Amelia! I'm so happy we chose you to be the face of Fancy Coconut Water's new ad campaign.
Me, too.
There's nothing more important to me than introducing people to a natural coconut drink rich with healthy vitamins.
Our drink actually has no vitamins and we engineer the coconuts in a lab in New Jersey.
Oh.
Uh Ethically I don't really know how I feel about I almost forgot! We need you to wear this very expensive diamond necklace.
Time to sell some vitamin-free fake coconut water! (sighs) (camera shutter clicks) Shall we retire to the back deck for some photographs? - What the? - (slurping) What what are you guys doing?! We can't do a photoshoot with all this! Oh, hey, Amelia.
Me and the boys have taken up metal detecting.
(metal detectors whir, buzz) We spent all day scouring the beach for treasures.
We just found four double-A batteries! They're all dead! Who's dead? Is it Louie?! (loudly) No, Uncle Morty.
Louie's right here.
Oh! Glad you're not dead.
(normal voice) This is my Great Uncle Morty.
He got us into metal detecting.
- It's fun, you should try it.
- (phone beeping) (scoffs) Never gonna happen.
Now, pick up all this junk.
You're ruining my photo shoot! You know what, I need to reschedule this anyway.
There's a coconut emergency at the factory.
How many L's are in salmonella? Sam and Ella! Great couple! Haven't seen them since the wedding.
Now, that was a great party.
The fish was a little dry, but the Horah was on point! I'll be in touch, Amelia! Oh, wait.
What about the diamond necklace? Oh, I'll get it when I come back.
(sternly) No, Rhonda! You can't have Friday off! And what a bad time to ask for that! You boys almost ruined a very big opportunity for me.
Now, I want you to pick up every piece of junk on this deck and put it back in the ocean where it belongs! Mr.
Finkle? Auditions are over! Oh, I'm not here to audition.
Oh! Another interview request for the school paper? (chuckling) I'll give ya two minutes! I got my big break starring in Chicken Nuggets: The Musical, an off-off-off-Broadway production about two dinosaur-shaped meat creatures making their way in the world.
The Wichita Falls Gazette called my singing, and I quote, "Loud.
" Uh no, I'm not with the school paper.
I wanted to put in a good word for my friend who recently joined your group, Paige Olvera.
Olvera, Olvera Ah, yes.
Our first year boop-booper.
Right.
See, I just think she could be more than a boop-booper.
Like at the very least, she could be a doo-wopper.
(laughing) That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
Doo-wops are a third year privilege.
Guaranteed to no one.
Well, yeah, okay, I'm just concerned that Paige's talents aren't being properly maximized.
She she has an incredible voice.
Here, listen.
PAIGE (on recording): It's another beautiful day (gargling water) I might have recorded her when she was brushing her teeth.
She sings and brushes.
It's adorable.
(Paige clearing throat on recording) Not that part.
- (hocks spit) - I'm gonna turn this off now.
But my point is, Paige has pipes.
I know you have that big concert coming up, and I think she should be doing a solo! A solo? Interesting.
You know what? I I may have been wrong about Paige.
I'm glad you came by.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh, no, thank you! For someone who runs such an obnoxious singing group, you're pretty cool.
So? How was rehearsal? Mr.
Finkle called me a diva.
Diva in a good way? He said I was angling for a solo.
He kicked me out of the group.
Kicked you out of the group in a good way? This doesn't make any sense! Mr.
Finkle seemed so nice when I talked to To him (quickly) today.
Oh! Couldn't save it.
Frankie, you talked to Mr.
Finkle?! Uh, no, well, I Francine Hildegard Wong, did you meddle in my life? No, I didn't! I'm not a meddler! Oh, you're a meddler.
A heavy meddler.
A meddler on the roof.
Bette Meddler.
You deserve a gold medal for meddling.
(groans) Okay, okay, I talked to Mr.
Finkle, but I was just trying to help.
All I said was that you were capable of way more than just boop-booping.
Frankie! I was happy.
I didn't want more than a boop boop here, or maybe a doo-doo there! (snickers) I'm sorry.
You said "doo-doo.
" (vocalizing) (discordant chord) Does the sign on the door that reads "Do Not Enter or You'll Be In Treble" mean nothing to you?! Sorry to interrupt, Mr.
Finkle.
My friend has something to say to you.
I I'm sorry I meddled.
The solo was my idea, not Paige's.
Please don't kick her out of Utopia.
It's Utopia: Perfect Harmony, Perfect World! How would you like it if I called you part of whatever your name is? Please, Mr.
Finkle.
I love being a boop-booper.
I was having so much fun.
Fun? There's no fun in Utopia: Perfect Harmony, Perfect World.
Um maybe Paige could just snap in the concert like me.
Kathy! If your dad wasn't my chihuahua's veterinarian, I swear to B Sharp the only place you'd be snapping is a community theater in Schenectady! And you! You're not only kicked out of this group, I'm putting you on the a cappella blacklist.
Like my former best friend, Reginald Joe Becky.
I feel like there's a story there, but I'm gonna move past it.
Mark my words.
You will never sing, snap, boop, doo-wop, sway, or shooby-doo-wah! in this town ever again.
Paige, I'm so sorry.
I was having so much fun in a cappella.
Now I won't even get to perform in the concert.
Yes, you will! What? How? I'm gonna sing a cappella with you.
We're creating our own group! Really? You'd do that for me? Accept it before I realize what I said.
Oh, my gosh! Thank you! We gotta go home so I can train you in all things a cappella.
- What vest size are you? - Ah, the vests! I did not think this through.
The game room.
The living room.
The studio, my bedroom.
Those are just some of the rooms I've been twirling around in wearing this necklace.
Oh no, the necklace! It's gone! Oh, it must have fallen off somewhere! The Fancy Coconut Water people are gonna kill me! How am I supposed to find a small, metal object that could be buried in any corner or crevice of this gigantic house?! Oh, boy.
Gentlemen, I need to talk to you.
Hang on, we're eating dinner.
Dinner? But it's three in the afternoon! Uncle Morty says it's best to eat early so you miss the traffic.
Where are you go Never mind! (sighs) I want to apologize about what I said earlier.
Metal detecting is not a waste of time.
Wow, Amelia.
You coming down here and apologizing without wanting anything in return really means a lot.
- Yes.
- (pats shoulder) And on an unrelated note, I want something in return.
I lost a necklace, and I need your help finding it or I'm gonna be in huge trouble.
Give us a sec.
What do you think, boys? Should we help her? She's a friend.
And friends are like good pastrami sandwiches.
Worth fighting for.
Lidsky's Deli makes a delicious pastrami sandwich.
Nah, the best pastrami's at Rosenblatt's.
The soup there is also very good.
Yeah, pastrami and soup are awesome.
Okay, good talk.
Amelia, we'll have five pastrami sandwiches with a side of fruit.
- Soup.
- Soup.
What about my necklace? Oh! Right.
Yeah! Yeah, we'll help you find your necklace.
But only if you join us, so you can truly appreciate the art and skill of metal detecting.
I guess I have no choice.
Do we start looking now? Now?! It's after 3:00 PM.
(laughing) Oh, yeah, we're obviously about to take our afternoon naps.
We'll regroup later.
Oh! Getting started without a nap.
Man, I miss being that age.
PAIGE: Your a cappella training begins now.
(a cappella-style music plays) (music ends) You're ready.
(sighs) (shudders) My torso feels snug and secure, and my arms feel free! Free for snapping! Nice to see you're in-vested! - That was awful.
- I loved it.
(vocalizing) (door slams) Introducing our new a cappella group.
Chaos: The Opposite of Utopia! Yes, and just to be clear, that is the full name of our group.
(both vocalizing) BOTH: Chaos (claps hands) We're performing at the concert, too.
And we're gonna BOTH: Blow your minds Nice try, but school rules state an a cappella group must have four or more voices.
Which you do not.
- (stomps foot) - You are a duo! Ergo, you are not a group, ergo, you can not perform! (blows raspberry) He just carries the school rule book around? (sighs) Well guess we can kiss that concert goodbye.
Unless we recruit more members.
I have an idea.
Follow my lead.
I think we all know someone who has not been living up to Utopia's motto: "Perfect Harmony, Perfect World.
" And his name rhymes with Mr.
Stinkle! - (gasping) - (murmuring) (stops murmuring) So if any of you singers wanna join a group where fun is number one, we welcome you with open arms! Who's with us? No one? Kathy? Tootie? Who's Tootie? I don't know, I just assumed there'd be a Tootie.
Well, well, well! I haven't seen a public fail this sad since my former best friend, the late Reginald Joe Becky tried to convince people I couldn't be my own understudy.
See ya at the concert in the audience.
Ladies, sing them out.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye Bye They just had that song locked and loaded? How often do they kick people out? That was so embarrassing.
Why did we try to recruit members from Utopia?! You said "I have an idea," so I just went with it! Well the next time I say that, just scream, "Don't do it!" Stupid rule that you have to have more than two people to be an a cappella group.
Wait, we live in a super creative house.
There must be other people here who can sing.
Oh how I want to be in that number When the saints go marching in (Paige giggling) Wow, that was perfect! We're gonna blow Utopia away on Friday! Wait, this Friday? Yeah, that's when the concert is.
- Sorry, I'm booked.
- Me, too.
- I'm out.
- No can do.
Huh? - Gah - So close! Who was that old guy? I wish I could just snap my fingers and turn the two of us into a full a cappella group.
Maybe we can.
- I have an idea.
- Okay, I'm in! That was a test.
You failed! I told you to scream "Don't do it!" at me if I said I have an idea.
Oh! Gah! Sorry.
How am I gonna learn how to stop doing that? - I have an idea.
- Okay, I'm in! Paige! Let's just get this over with.
I look ridiculous! Everything you're wearing has a specific purpose.
Would you like a detailed explanation for each item of clothing? No.
Ooh! I'm detecting some interest.
Get it? No! Okay, uh, here is your metal detector.
Give it a name.
Something regal.
Well, uh, I don't know.
Phil! - Wow! - Great name! She's a natural.
Now let's find this girl's breakfast! Oh, no, you heard wrong.
It's necklace.
Well, you look for what you need, Morty looks for what Morty needs.
(chirping) - (rapid beeping) - Hey! Hey! I found something.
Could be the hair.
Zane, check it.
(coins clink) Eighty-three cents! That was actually kind of exciting.
You never forget your first haul.
Pudding break! Wow! This pudding is actually good.
You know what goes great with pudding? Complaining about modern society.
Have you guys seen these frozen yogurt places where you have to put the toppings on yourself? It's a travesty.
What am I? The Ice Cream Man? And don't get me started on how cold frozen yogurt is these days.
Whoever this girl is, I like her.
(detectors chirping) (rapid beeping) (gasps) I found it! I found the necklace! Ah! Thank you, boys.
I was wrong about metal detecting.
I promise from this day forward, I'll never knock anything you guys do.
Sweet! We're shaving Uncle Morty's back hair after this.
Wanna join? You're a bunch of Neanderthals, and I will not affiliate with any of you.
Amelia, we're ready for the photo shoo whoa! What are you wearing? Uh Oh my gosh! - I'm so sorry! I'll go change.
- Hang on! You know our older customers actually drink a lot of coconut water.
But for some reason, they don't buy Fancy Coconut Water.
It's true! We find the brand very intimidating.
Maybe this ad campaign is targeting the wrong market.
Old is bold! Amelia, stay in this outfit.
You're gonna be the star of a whole series of Fancy Coconut Water ads directed specifically at the over-70 crowd.
And you're gonna be in it, too.
Who peed in the stew? Okay, new plan! Just Amelia.
Perfect Harmony Perfect World (applause) PAIGE: Wait! Hey! Hang on! - Show's not over.
- Excuse me! You can't be up here.
School rules.
They're not a group! They're a duo! That's where you're wrong, Finkle.
We may be a duo, but we're more than two voices.
You took the fun out of a cappella, - so we're putting it back in.
- (click) - (screen whirring) - (audience murmuring) Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun - This is fun - And this is fun - Is this any fun? - That's scary! Run! - Gold teeth, son - Is Argh! a pun? - Don't say a word - I'm on the run Throw these on when I'm in the sun Check my hair, just got it done Look at me, got a bubble gun Now double those bubbles with a vocal run Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun - Is this guy fun? - What's that, hun? BOTH: Even animated us can get it done If the song were a game, we already won Kiss, kiss, hug, hug, now we got to run Ha! JK, yo, we ain't done So buckle up, son, for another run Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun - Fun - B-run Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun And now we're done, cause everybody's having Fun (cheers and applause) That was amazing! Your group looks way more fun than ours.
Can we still join? Sure! But fair warning, our initiation process is very intense.
It's a hug! Ladies, welcome to Chaos: The Opposite of Utopia! No! You can't form your own group! This can't be happening.
Oh, it's happening.
Your reign as a cappella dictator of Sierra High is over! Ladies, sing him out.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye Bye Hey, nice work, partner.
We're going to State! Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
Hey, thanks for making my a cappella dreams come true.
Uh, you can take off the vest now.
Oh, not a chance, girlfriend.
Say hello to my new "vest" friend! - That was awful.
- I loved it.