Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s03e17 Episode Script

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola - E kaale, Mummy.
- What are you doing? - Studying.
- Where's dinner? I've not started it.
- Bob will be home soon.
- He can wait.
Oh, no.
Another man is going to divorce you.
Fine, I'll stop studying and start dinner.
I did not say stop studying.
You can read and stir - at the same time.
- What if I cannot? Then you will kill your mother with shame.
Ah-ah.
Ebun.
Where have you been? Uh, running errands.
I came to see you.
I have been waiting nearly six hours.
Check your phone next time, dear.
For the love of God.
Bob? Bob? Bob? - Tunde? - Where is your stepladder? What? I am here to paint your mother-in-law's bedroom.
What? I believe this means she is staying through the summer.
What?! Is this where the party's at? No.
We're sleeping.
Then what's everybody doing in here? I was just telling Bob I was looking for his stepladder.
- Why? - To paint Ebun's bedroom.
Oh, good! She decided to stay through the summer.
I found the ladder.
- Ah.
Wh - Where was it hiding? Kitchen pantry.
Oh, uh, never mind, Bob.
We found the ladder.
It was in the kitchen pantry.
Get out.
He's not a morning person.
Unbelievable.
Shh! Oh, that's what woke you? Why didn't you tell me about your mom redecorating? Because I did not know about it.
Well, don't you think she should run that stuff by us? I do, but she does not.
Has she said anything about when she might be leaving? - No.
- Well, could you ask her? No.
That would be disrespectful, and she would think I want her to go.
But you do want her to go.
Oh, you can't even say it, can you? Well, maybe I'll talk to her.
Okay.
Why is that funny? I'll just find the right time and ask her how long she's staying.
You are kicking me out of your home? Wow, you do that well.
Answer me.
Well, I'm just saying, Mama Ebun, it's been weeks.
I did not realize you'd been marking the days like a prisoner with chalk on the wall.
Well, that's a little dramatic.
How dare you call me dramatic.
I don't like this game anymore.
I don't like being kicked out of your house and onto the street like a dog.
Okay, I'm done.
You are done when I say you are done! You're freaking me out! In our culture, there's no respectful way to ask an elder to leave your house.
That's not just Nigerian.
Family freeloaders are an international dilemma.
But your relatives overstay a couple of weeks.
Ours stay for decades.
So, you can never get rid of 'em? Oh, there are ways.
Devilish ways.
Let me write this down.
Okay, so, you get a blow-up mattress.
You stab it with a pin in several spots.
Not too big, not too small.
They cannot see it, they cannot hear it.
Buy air mattress.
In the morning, they wake up flat on the floor in excruciating pain.
That is how you make sciatica.
- Make sciatica.
- Mm-hmm.
You could also try inappropriate nakedness.
Is that why you kept leaving your bathrobe open when I stayed with you after my husband left? Yes, you were crying constantly.
My naked breasts helped you move on.
I'm not exposing myself to my mother.
It doesn't have to be you.
Bob is not exposing himself to my mother.
Then perhaps you can go the dead ancestor route.
Anybody naked in that? - Unfortunately, no.
- Hmm.
Abishola calls her mother, pretending to be a spirit from beyond.
Guiding her with advice like, "Get out, go home, get out.
" So Abishola's mother thinks a ghost can use a phone? Why not? With unlimited minutes, anything is possible.
Your mother's mother would be perfect.
I agree.
But I do not know what my grandmother sounded like.
That's your problem with this plan? 90% of a good paint job is proper preparation.
Yes, Uncle.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Yes, Uncle.
Sex appeal is 50% what you got and 50% what they think you got.
Uncle? Uh, once I turn the wisdom spigot on, it's hard to turn off.
Yes, Uncle.
I know this is the last thing you wanted to do today.
It's not the last thing.
But, Dele, you are lucky.
You have successful, loving parents, all the comforts of the world, and an uncle who will not let you grow soft.
I appreciate it, Uncle.
Before the day is over, that will not be a lie.
There are four basic skills that every young man should know.
How to paint a room, tie a tie, fix a flat, and give a toast.
What about cook a meal? Unnecessary.
There are Wendy's everywhere.
- Are we ready? - Yes.
Wrong.
The most important part about doing anything right is the music.
I said a hip-hop, a hippie A hippie to the hip hip-hop, and you don't stop Rockin' to the bang-bang boogie Say up jump the boogie To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat - Now, what you hear is not a test - Wow.
- What? - You can rap? Have you never heard me in the shower, young man? Who is this? Who is this? You do not know The Sugarhill Gang? No, Uncle.
What about Grandmaster Flash? I'm sorry, no.
Eric B.
and Rakim? - Mm-mm.
- This painting can wait.
Your musical education is far more important.
Big Bank Hank, Wonder Mike and Master Gee formed the group that was to bring hip-hop to the world.
The black, to the white, the red and the brown The purple and yellow, but first I gotta bang-bang the boogie to the boogie Say up jump the boogie to the bang-bang boogie Let's rock, you don't stop Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock Well, so far you've heard my voice Hey, guys.
Do me a favor, step inside this square.
- Why? - Just do it.
Is it a magic square? Stop making it weird and get in the square.
You guys think you could live in something this size? If it's a room to punish the workers, I'd make it much smaller.
What? No.
I'm thinking about putting one of those tiny homes in my backyard for my mother-in-law.
Good, you're coming to terms that she will be living with you forever.
No, I just want her outside the house for when she visits.
So you're building her a home? - A tiny home.
- That she will live in forever.
Please stop saying "forever.
" We just want you to be realistic, Mr.
Wheeler.
I live above Goodwin's garage, and I am never leaving.
And I have accepted that.
The day he bought the Wi-Fi extender, I knew we were in it for the long haul.
I was gonna buy the Wi-Fi extender.
You see? How are you so okay with this? Simple.
I am a Christian, Mr.
Wheeler.
My good deeds will be rewarded in the afterlife.
We sometimes joke that I will live in the room above his cloud in heaven.
You make that joke, I do not.
Screw it.
I-I can't build this.
She'll never leave.
I am telling you this as a friend.
Build the tiny house.
Accept your fate.
And maybe when she's not using it, Kofo can stay there.
What a wonderful idea.
Nope, nope, nope.
Never.
Nope, nope.
Not gonna happen, guys.
Hello? Hello? Ebunoluwa Adebisi Odegbami.
Ah-ah.
Who is this? Who is this? Mummy? You have hooked the fish, now reel her in.
I am listening.
But I do not want to leave.
But I am not ready.
But I do not think I am.
Go home! Mummy? I just do not want to go back to that man.
No, he is just my husband.
The love left many years ago.
I try to be a good wife, but how can I be? All I do is cook and clean for a man who barely looks at me.
Let alone touches me.
It is like living with a stranger.
Ask her if she's taken any lovers.
She told me things a daughter should never have to hear.
That is the power of the ghost call.
But be careful, you should only use this technique every five to seven years.
Otherwise, people will think you are a witch.
Where have you been? Oh, just having a little ghost mother-daughter time.
Oh, no, you didn't.
- We did.
- We did.
I don't even want to know.
But I want to know.
She opened up like a fire hydrant, and we danced in the mud puddle of her secrets.
So many secrets.
How could I not have known that my parents were so unhappy? Well, I'm sure they were just shielding you from it so you didn't worry.
Exactly.
My husband and I hated each other.
But we scheduled sex every six months just so our children could overhear, because that is what good parents do.
Should I tell her I know? Of course not.
You betrayed her trust with your ghost trickery.
Okay, my ghost trickery.
I'm sorry, honey.
I don't want to talk about this anymore.
- Understood.
- Of course.
We will never speak of this again.
No.
- Tell me everything.
- Wait, let me get my notes.
Unfortunately, Kurtis Blow never had another hit quite as big as "The Breaks," but, as he says, "These are the breaks.
" I really like that song.
Of course you do.
Everyone likes that song.
But let us step into 1983.
Here's one from Miss Patti LaBelle.
It's nice.
Yes, it is.
I can tell you the exact moment I first heard this song.
Really? Olu and I had just moved into our apartment.
She opened the window, and this song was playing from someone else's apartment.
We didn't have much furniture.
Uh, w-we did not have much of anything, but we had each other.
So we danced.
That's beautiful.
That is the wonderful thing about music.
Songs can serve as a time capsule to the best moments of your life.
But when I get up the nerve Well, now, when I hear this song, I'll think of getting to paint a room with my uncle.
No.
This is mine and Olu's song.
You can have "The Breaks.
" If only you knew.
Hey, Mama Ebun.
Kaale, Bob.
I'm gonna get a drink.
You want something? No.
Come sit with me.
- Am I in trouble? - Just come sit.
- Just let me get my drin Okay.
- Sit! I see how you look at my daughter.
Well, she's pretty, I can't help it.
- You really love her.
- I do.
Promise me you will always look at her that way.
- Of course.
- Forever.
- Yeah.
- Until you are dead.
- Okay.
- And even after you are dead! Are you all right? It is time for me to go.
To bed? To Nigeria.
Oh no - I must.
- When? Tonight.
It's time for me to go home to my husband.
Great! For him, not for me.
I'm devastated.
She's packing.
She's upstairs packing right now.
- What are you talking about? - Your mom.
She's gonna be catching the 10:10 to Lagos.
- Tonight? - Yeah, and all I had to do was promise to love you forever, and I was gonna do that anyway.
What have I done? Well, you married a sweetheart, that's what you did.
I should never have involved the ghost of her mother.
The ghost of her what now? You will mail the rest of my belongings first thing in the morning.
Yes, Mummy.
Or maybe you could keep some things here.
- Why? - For when you come back and visit.
Just send the things.
I am not looking forward to this flight.
16 hours in a middle seat.
That's terrible.
I booked last minute, so it is what it is.
You do not have to do this, Mummy.
What are you talking about? Sometimes in life, if you are unhappy with "the middle seat," it's okay to make a change.
It is not that easy.
I made a commitment.
To the seat.
But if you and the seat are no longer right for each other.
One does not just change seats.
I did, and now I'm happier than I've ever been.
Maybe I am not as strong as you.
Who do you think I got that strength from? You do not need to rush home.
Take your time and think about what you want.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi I hope you don't celebrate like this when I leave.
Only one way to find out.
I'm not going out that door without a toe tag.
Don't give me any ideas.
Ah, I wish I could have gotten the chance to say goodbye to Granny Ebun.
We were just starting to connect.
I know she is difficult, but I will miss my sister.
You can have mine.
Gitchie, gitchie ya-ya here Well, what is the celebration? Uh, I-I, uh, texted Bob and told him you were staying, and he threw you this impromptu party.
Isn't that right, Bob? Surprise.
Surprise.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Oh, no.
Is my room finished? Uh, soon.
Very soon.
And turn off that horrible music! - Can I kick it? - Yes, you can - Can I kick it? - Yes, you can Well, I'm gone - Go on, then - Can I kick it? To all the people who can quest like A Tribe does Before this, did you really know what live was? Comprehend to the track, for its why 'cause Getting measures on the tip of the vibers Rock and roll to the beat of the Funk fuzz Wipe your feet really good On the rhythm rug If you feel the urge to freak Do the jitterbug Come and spread your arms - If you really need a hug - Go, Uncle.
Go, Uncle, go, Uncle.
- Fun - That's what I love A lower plateau is what we're above.