Family Ties (1982) s03e17 Episode Script

## I'll bet We've been together ## ## For a million years ## ## And I'll bet We'll be together ## ## For a million more ## ## Ooh, it's like I started breathin' ## ## On the night we kissed ## ## And I can't remember What I ever did before ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## And there ain't No nothin' ## ## We can't love Each other through ## ## Ooh-hoo ## ## What would we do, baby ## ## Without us? ## ## Sha-la-la-la ## Where's Dad? He's upstairs fixing the plumbing.
Oh, great.
The last time Dad tried to fix the plumbing, we had to shower at the Y.
I- I hope he gets down here soon.
I have to talk to him about pledge week.
Oh, you know, he is so excited.
He looks forward to this every year.
He sees that working together down at the station is one of the few family things we still do together.
What do you want to talk to him about? I don't want to do it anymore.
Alex.
I mean, we do it every year, and it's so boring.
Stuffing envelopes, answering phone calls, running all those errands.
Oh, hey, Mallory, let's not forget end of the week: family portrait time.
Oh, yuck.
We're not gonna have to do that again, are we? We stand in front of the camera, little frozen smiles on our faces.
Hi, I'm Alex Keaton.
And he's our dad.
And we're happy to be part of WKS family.
## WKS, you're the one ## I- I don't believe you kids.
Now, that is one of the nicest parts of the program.
Come on, Mom, it's not fair, that's all.
I mean, he always assumes we're gonna do it every year, and never asks if we want to.
Yeah, Mom, we've cooperated with him on this thing for ten years.
All we want is a year off.
I'm with them, Mom.
Would you talk to Dad for us? No, I won't.
I think your attitudes are terrible.
And if you don't want to do it, then you have to tell him.
## WKS, you're the one ## Hey! Good morning, everybody.
Heh-hey.
Well, today's the big day.
Pledge week begins.
Could it have been just a year ago that we had one? It's not possible.
To me, of course, the most thrilling part of pledge week is that final day, when we have family-portrait time.
There I'll be surrounded by the ones I love, heh, all there to support me in front of thousands of people.
Oh, it sends a chill up my neck just thinking about it.
Say, Dad? Yeah, Alex.
Uh a- about pledge week.
You're excited, huh? Oh, excited doesn't cover it, Dad.
Uh, listen, we We were thinking that Well, that is Um Mallory has something she wants to talk to you about.
Um, yeah, Dad.
See I- I don't think I can express it as well as Jennifer did earlier.
Jennifer? Uh what time do you want us at the station? Four-thirty.
See you then.
So how's the entertainment shaping up? Oh, not bad.
Uh, we've got the Chagrin Falls girls' choir, uh, eh, Oscar Flores.
The former juggler Oh, right.
A And, um, Miss Finch, the 6th Street librarian, will read from Alice in Wonderland, uh Uh, again.
Oh.
Any Any singers of any sort? Uh, yeah, s-sure, we We'll have singers.
The girls' choir.
No, I meant, uh Uh, soloists with a guitar.
Come on, Dad.
She's trying to tell you she wants to sing in the telethon.
Me? What a sweet idea.
Thanks.
Honey, I just don't know how it looks when the boss' wife is the soloist.
Oh.
I see.
And the kids probably feel a little funny about your doing it.
Don't lay it on us, Dad.
Yeah, Mom, I can't think of anything a teenaged girl would like more than for her mother to sing in public.
Well, if your father thinks I shouldn't do it, well then I won't do it.
Elyse, I wouldloveto have to you sing.
Do you mean that? Do I mean it? Heh.
Okay, kids, I'll see you there.
I will see you there at 4:30.
Dad, there's no water.
What? I just fixed that.
We Maybe I'll work on it again tonight.
Uh, no.
No, Dad, look.
Listen to those pipes.
That's their way of saying, "Call a plumber, call a plumber.
" You really think I need a plumber? Dad, it's the plumber.
It's ringing.
All right.
It goes against my principles of self-reliance, but obviously, you all want me to hire a plumber, and this is pledge week.
This week we're pulling together as a family, right? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Gus, have you seen my kids? They should be here by now.
No, I haven't seen 'em.
Who are your two assistants? Oh, come on, now.
You know Bill and Judy.
Those are your kids.
Wow.
How is it that kids keep getting older, but we stay the same? I know.
You don't.
You look older too.
Nice to see you again, Judy.
Look, why don't you guys get started over there organizing these fliers and stuffing envelopes? Be glad to.
Uh, listen, Steven? Yeah, Ted.
That comic Jackie Jackerman is here.
He wants to audition.
Do I have time to duck him? Hey, Steve! Nice to see you.
Good to Little more, uh, snow on the roof this year, huh? Welcome back, Jackie.
Thanks.
I got a lot of new material.
Of course, I'm, uh, wearing most of it.
Get it? I've got a new suit.
Yeah, that's good.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, Dad.
Oh, hi, kids.
Great to see you.
You're excited? Oh, you bet.
Th There's just an electricity in the air, isn't there? Yes.
Yup.
Dad, can we make long-distance calls on the phones this year? Well Oh.
Oh, you kidder, Mal.
How's it going, honey? Oh, okay.
We, uh, hired that, uh.
comedian, Jackie Jackerman.
Oh, well, the audiences all like Jackie.
They feel comfortable with him.
They know all his jokes.
Yeah, well, at least Jackie Jackerman's a professional.
You know? You know, some of those other PBS stations, all they do is put on friends and relatives.
That's That's true.
Excuse me, Elyse.
What are you doing here, Elyse? You gonna help us answer the phones? I've come to rehearse my number.
Oh, I see.
Uh, just treat me like any other singer.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
Hey, Larry.
We want to do a sound check on the boss' wife.
I'll be very professional, Steven.
## Hmmm ## Oh, oh, Steven, I forgot to say, I got in touch with that plumber, and he's coming to the house later today.
Huh.
That's a nice intro.
## Believe me ## ## If all those Endearing young charms ## ## That I gaze on So fondly today ## ## Were to fade by tomorrow ## ## And fleet in my arms ## Okay, that's great.
That is great.
Yeah, that's just beautiful, Elyse.
Just beautiful.
Thanks.
I'll work on that note, Steven.
Don't worry about it.
Everything is going to be fine.
You're here, I'm here.
The kids are here, working hard.
Yeah.
Ha, ha, okay.
Well, I feel terrible, Judy.
Lost all your money on the first hand.
But, uh, that's all right, you can forget about that IOU.
That's a nice watch, Judy.
That's good.
I don't understand it, Elyse.
The kids used to love pledge week so much.
Today they were bored out of their minds.
Why would you say that? They were busy working on the phones.
They were calling each other.
Look, they really don't want to participate in pledge week, do they? I wouldn't say that.
You know, Steven maybe it's not a question of whether they want to participate or not.
May Oh, never mind.
No, no, w-what is it? No, I shouldn't say anything, in case I'm wrong.
You're not wrong.
How do you know? You're never wrong about this stuff.
Well, if I am wrong, it's better left unsaid.
But if you're right, I'll never know if you don't tell me.
That's true.
So tell me.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Elyse.
Okay.
Now Now, this is just my opinion, but maybe the kids simply resent the fact that you never ask them if they wanted to help during pledge week.
You just assumed.
I'm sure if you presented them with a choice, that they would say yes.
Elyse, you're right.
I was unfair.
Oh, this is great.
It is? Of course.
Now I know what the problem was.
I was insensitive, I was a fool.
I was a jerk.
Congratulations.
Oh, hi, Bud.
Hi, Mr.
Keaton, Mrs.
Keaton.
Hi.
Haven't seen you folks for a while.
Well, uh, I've been, uh, doing a lot of the plumbing repairs myself, Bud.
Great! Maybe I'll get that new van I've been looking for.
Uh, listen, Bud, you're not gonna charge extra because it's nighttime, are you? Well, let me put it to you this way.
The time it took you to ask me that question just cost you $8.
40.
Hi, Bud.
Oh, Jennifer.
My little helper.
How have you been? Great.
My, how you've grown.
How's business? Jennifer, try to keep the chatting down to a minimum.
I'm not a wealthy man.
Uh.
Bud, uh, the problem is in the upstairs bathroom.
Okay.
Oh, kids.
Uh, I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
Look, I made a mistake the other night, and I want to apologize for it.
I was wrong to just assume you wanted to participate in pledge week.
You have your own lives.
Just because something's important to me doesn't mean it has to be important to you.
So let me say right now, if you want to participate, that is great.
But if you don't, that's fine too.
So what do you say? Uh.
Uh, Dad you're unbelievable.
I mean I mean, that is very sensitive.
I mean, what other father would approach it that way? Probably lots of fathers.
Uh, come on, Dad, I'm not so sure now.
No.
Come on.
All right.
Francine Wilcox wanted me to study with her this Saturday, and, uh, now I can.
You're the greatest, Dad.
Good luck with, uh pledge week.
Thanks, Dad.
Um, there's a big sweater sale at Fleur-de-Lis this week.
This is great.
What about you, Jennifer? Do you have anything special you want to do? Go to Chrissy's house? Hockey game? Hockey game at Chrissy's house? Okay, okay.
You're excused from pledge week too.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
Maybe I was wrong.
Well, this is it.
The big night.
Finish your speech? Uh, yeah.
You don't sound too excited.
No, no.
I am.
Well Come on, read it to me.
Okay.
"Hi.
I'm Steven Keaton, manager of WKS.
"I know when you met the other people who work here, "you also met their families.
"But my children don't care enough about their father to be here.
" Steven.
Too rough? Okay.
I've got an alternative.
"Hi.
I'm Steven Keaton, manager of WKS.
"You've already met my wife, Elyse.
I guess you can tell we have no children.
" I have to get something out of the truck, but I think I'm zeroing in on our problem upstairs.
Bud, you keep saying that.
Every day you fix something, the next day you're back.
Why, you getting tired of seeing me? I'm tired of paying to see you.
Mr.
Keaton, if I worked for free, you wouldn't respect me.
Hi.
Getting ready to go down to the station? Yup, we're all set.
We haven't seen much of you guys this week.
We know.
We've been working down at the station, where your dad works, earning money for his family.
Come on, Alex, tell him.
Yeah, I can't wait to see Dad's face.
Yeah.
Listen, Jennifer and Mallory and I have something we want to tell you.
Well, we've been thinking about it, uh, all week and we decided that, uh Hey, this is a big day for you.
Thank you, Alex.
Oh.
I had a feeling you'd come around.
After all, if something is important to one member of the family, it should be important to all of us.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And, uh, that's why we wanted to give you that.
"Good luck.
" Yeah.
"Have a great time.
Love, Mallory, Jennifer," and," uh Did I forget to sign that? I'm sorry.
Let me just get that.
APK.
There you go.
I mean that too, Dad.
We've got to go.
Yeah, Gus has been running things down there since noon.
Better get going.
Right.
Well, uh, drive safe.
Careful of the snow.
Yeah.
Ok.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Okay.
I have to be at Francine's in an hour.
If you want me to drop you off, you better get ready.
Hey, that's Becky Berman.
She's in my class.
Hi, kids.
What are you watching? My Dad's telethon.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That was 11-year-old Becky Berman singing her version of"Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.
" Now, we'll take a little break in the entertainment while we meet another WKS family: my family, the Thompsons.
Now, that's nice.
How come you kids aren't down there? Us? I've got a study date.
Francine Wilcox.
I'm going to a sweater sale.
I need some time to myself.
We're proud of our Dad, and we're proud to be here.
It's a thrill for us to honor our Dad since this is such a special night for him.
Now, that's sweet.
Those kids must really love their dad.
I sure loved my dad.
Beautiful man.
I sure miss him.
You know, my dad was a plumber.
Taught me all I know.
I used to go watch my dad work when I was so small I could hardly carry a plunger.
If it wasn't for my dad, I don't know who I'd be today.
But that's what dads are for.
So tell me how come you kids aren't down there? Uh We're kind of busy, Bud.
But I've worked in all kinds of places.
I worked in one club that was so tough, they had a sign that said, "Thank you for spitting.
" Is this thing on? Ha-ha-ha.
Testing, one, two, three.
Testing.
Woo.
Bad news, Steven.
We've only got about $10,000 in pledges.
Now, that's down $40,000 from last year.
I don't understand it.
Why aren't people giving this year? But you know, eh-heh, PBS is very educational.
In fact, from watching it, I learned how to spell PBS.
Maybe he's almost finished.
And if I was anywhere else in the world, people would try to stop me from talking.
Of course, they do that here too.
Huh.
God bless you all.
I love you.
Stay real.
Good night.
That was Jackie Jackerman.
Well, you've already met, uh, several of the WKS families.
Now, it gives me great pleasure to introduce my wife, Elyse Keaton.
Elyse? Thank you, Steven.
Hi, I'm Elyse Keaton.
I- I'd like to reassure the audience that the fact that I'm married to this man here has nothing to do with the fact that I'm singing later on.
I I'd like to reassure them, but, uh it's not true.
You know, Elyse these times when we meet the WKS families are always my favorite moments.
Now, uh, my kids can't be here tonight, but just a few hours ago, before we left the house, those beautiful kids gave me this.
Paul, can you zoom in on this? It says "good luck.
" And then on the inside they wrote, "Have a great time!" Can you believe that? "Jennifer," she's my youngest.
"Mallory," she's my 16-year-old.
And "APK," that stands for Alex P.
Keaton, my son.
Well, uh I don't have to tell you how proud I am of this card.
If they were here tonight, you'd get to meet them Steven.
Not now, honey.
You'd get to meet these three beautiful Oh, hi, kids.
Hi, Dad.
But I Here they are! Well, I I I'd like you to meet my family.
Hi.
I'm Alex Keaton.
Hi, I'm Mallory Keaton.
Hi, I'm Jennifer Keaton.
And he's our dad.
And we're happy to be a part of WKS family.
## WKS, you're the one ## Thank you, kids.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
And now, back to the entertainment.
Next up, the mother-and-daughter tap-dancing team, Karen and Sharon McLaren.
I'm so glad you came.
So am I.
What made you change your minds? Well, we realized we were wrong, Dad.
We're sorry.
Yeah, we were being selfish.
It was something you said this morning.
You know, I mean, we're a family.
I- if something's important to one of us, it's important to all of us.
Just didn't want to let you down.
You didn't.
Uh, excuse me, Steven.
You have a telephone call.
Uh, Bud Carlson.
Oh, no.
Bud, what's wrong? Uh Uh-huh.
Wha? Oh, no way! No, don't touch a thing.
Don't do anything until I get there.
I've got to go home.
We've gotmajor plumbing problems.
Oh, Steven, I don't want you to miss my song.
Oh, don't worry.
I'll only be gone for a little bit.
There's plenty of time before you go on.
Gus, I'll be back in a few minutes.
I guess I'll rehearse.
Okay, Elyse, you're on after the magician.
I don't want to sing if Steven's not here.
But Elyse, he wasn't going to harmonize with you.
No, but he was gonna lend me moral support.
We'll give you that, Mom.
Yeah, we'll cheer you on.
We'll clap really loud, no matter how bad you sing.
What's going on here? Oh, not much.
I'm just watching, uh, pledge night on your TV station.
That magician you had was great.
Bud, I'm not here to talk about magicians! I'm here to talk about the plumbing.
What's going on in this house? Does that give you a clue? Ceiling's falling apart.
Yes.
That ceiling has to be opened up.
The pressure's gonna keep on building, and the whole ceiling's gonna fall down.
Bud, you have already bled me dry.
I'm not paying you one more cent.
So how much is it if you work overtime? Well, until midnight it's double.
After that, it's triple.
Triple! Now, Mr.
Keaton Hey.
Your wife's on television.
She looks great.
She sure does.
## As this moment thou art ## ## Let thy loveliness Fade as it will ## This is my favorite part.
Wait till you hear the way she hits this one note.
## Each beat of my hea ## Ahh! Ahh! Wow.
She really nailed it that time.
Don't stop, Elyse.
Why has she stopped? I'm sorry.
I think I'm going into labor.
Oh, well, that That explains it Labor? Steven, are you watching? Of course I am.
This, uh This is it.
Uh, Steven, if you're watching, meet me at the hospital.
Elyse, I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Be there in 10 minutes.
Ten minutes, and I'll get your suitcase.
And And don't forget my suitcase.
Stop nagging.
I'm coming.
Come on, Dad! Come on, Dad! Hurry! Steven!