Gossip Girl s03e17 Episode Script

Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
- Hey.
It's lovebirds.
- Hey, you two.
- He told you? - I think it's great.
Since I saw you, all I could think about was payback for last year.
- Did you put something in my drink? - She's ready to party.
Show her a good time.
- Nate, thank you for tonight.
- I'm sorry, Chuck.
You need to leave.
- What is going on here? - Isn't it obvious? - You've been played.
- I didn't have the courage to tell you that I signed the hotel over to Jack.
- And the hotel? Lost.
Come this far without my mother.
I'm not backing down now.
If it's a war Jack wants, then it's a war he'll get.
Where has she been? And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
XOXO Gossip Girl.
Every war has its weapons.
But on the Upper East Side, the rules of battle are simple: There are no rules.
Well, now, I really, really hope those are for my birthday.
Uh, actually, Chuck and Blair left them after one of their games.
Happy birthday, though.
So when do I get to unwrap my present? - What is that? - It's, um, just a garter holster.
It's for my cell phone.
Well, then I better take you upstairs so I can inspect it.
Oh, I have to go shopping to pick out a dress for tonight.
You haven't told me where you're taking me.
You don't have to dress up for a Knicks game.
- But you do for the Frick benefit.
It's for Asian Horned Toads.
They're endangered.
Heh.
That's your surprise? A toad benefit? Well, I know it's not what you would choose to do but Chuck bought a table.
We can celebrate this weekend.
And you're going to lunch with your grandfather.
That's festive.
Yeah, I'm gonna hit the shower, so you have fun shopping.
- See you at 3? - Yep.
- Hello, Mr.
Nate.
- Hey.
I feel very bad not wishing him happy birthday or bringing him Polish breakfast sausage in bed.
Nate has to think everyone's blowing off his birthday so he'll be surprised tonight.
- And he likes this game where you kill people? It's called Assassin, and he loves it.
Did you get his phone? In case anyone posts about the party, I don't want him checking Gossip Girl.
Can you hide this? Thank you, Dorota.
You really have surrounded yourself with beautiful things.
So easy to auction off.
Gotta love eBay.
As much as I hate to interrupt your fun, this has gone on long enough.
I want my hotel back.
Name your price.
I don't need your money, Chuck.
Then what is all this for? - Just to hurt me? - Just to hurt you? Hurting you is a noble goal.
Granted, you know it wasn't all that difficult.
You're not the man you used to be.
If you're referring to the fact I'm not in Thailand smoking hash with prostitutes change is good.
- Young Chuck in love.
Beautiful.
And sad.
Bart always said you were soft.
My father left me the company instead of you.
I get it.
I'm happy letting Lily guide my stock towards a tidy profit.
I know The Empire is not your endgame.
And if it's wounding me, you've done it.
So why are you still here? It's an interesting feeling holding another man's prized possession.
You wonder how far he'll go to get it back.
Is there's anything he wouldn't do.
I will do anything.
Well, there is something that caught my eye.
I have to unfriend Ryuichi.
I thought the boy you met in Japan was named Hideo.
I met them both.
Uh, Hideo was - More than a friend.
- Thank you.
Hideo and his friends have a fondness for bathhouses and group photos.
Oh, my God.
Unfriend him immediately.
- Sayonara.
- I didn't need to see that.
Hideo was supposed to be my rebound.
Now I need a rebound from Hideo? There are tons of boys who'd go out with you.
Jonathan and I are the only ones at St.
Jude's who are out.
- I should bury myself in work, like Jenny.
- I like working for Eleanor.
I don't need a guy to feel fulfilled, especially when he's unavailable.
Poor Nate.
Just reading the e-mail from Serena reminding everyone to blow off his birthday.
- That seems mean.
She's planning this surprise.
Spending the afternoon getting it ready.
What is Nate supposed to do all day? Think everyone forgot his birthday? He spends five hours thinking Serena's a terrible girlfriend.
He'll forgive her.
Five hours.
I, uh have to go to the fabric store.
- All right.
- Bye.
Bye.
Oh, God.
Denjiro, you are definitely not my friend.
Hey.
Good morning.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Have you been up all night? Because it looks like you've killed an entire forest.
And your breath smells like something dead.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Thanks.
Um, the application for the Tisch writing program is due in two days.
I need to bear down and finish my one-act.
The one-act that you were but didn't wanna show me till it was 100 percent done? Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
But there's no point in showing it to you until I've taken it as far as I can myself.
We used to show each other our work as soon as possible, remember? - But that was - Before we started sleeping together.
But we said we'd date and still be friends, and this is being friends.
- In fact - What's that? My script for my short-film class that I've been nervous about showing you.
- This the one based on my short story.
- Now, hand yours over.
Uh Okay.
All right.
You gotta be completely honest here.
Uh, and I gotta You should ignore this first part.
In fact, why don't we exchange tomorrow.
I gotta help Serena out.
And then it'll give me time to give yours proper consideration, and fine-tune this one a little bit more.
Nice try.
But you can read mine on the subway after you shower.
Have a good day.
- Jenny.
Hey.
- Hey.
Um, I tried texting you.
Oh, yeah.
I can't seem to find my cell phone.
- What are you doing here? - It's your birthday.
- Heh, heh.
Happy birthday.
- Hey, thank you.
- Here, I got you this.
- Oh, wow.
You know, I'd say, "Let me take you out to lunch" but, um, I'm sure you and Serena already have plans.
No, actually, we don't.
I was gonna go to lunch with my grandfather.
Oh, all right.
Well, have fun.
Heh.
Nate.
I really just wanted to say thank you again for last week.
I don't know what would've happened.
You know what? Let me just call my grandfather and cancel.
I'm sure he'll understand.
The look on his face was so sad.
I wanted to call him back and say: "I didn't forget your birthday.
I've got this big party planned.
" - Cruel to be kind, S.
Nate will be fine.
- No word from Chuck? He's sitting down with Satan.
He's gonna lay everything on the table.
See if there's anything he could offer Jack to give up the hotel.
He's come so far.
Become the person I always knew he could be.
He could lose it all because he opened his heart to that con artist.
Everything will be fine.
No matter what, Chuck has you and he loves you.
The Empire's just a hotel.
You don't understand.
The hotel is proof that Bart was wrong about Chuck.
It's become who he is.
Well, then you have to show him that he has so much more.
Starting with buying this dress.
Come on, B.
Once Chuck sees you in it, he'll realize, Empire or no Empire Blair Waldorf loves him, and no one else can say that.
Thanks, S.
I have to go get everything ready for Nate's party.
You gonna be okay? Okay.
Let me know if Chuck calls you.
And buy that dress.
She's right, it is a remarkable dress, made only more so by you in it.
What are you doing here? Besides stalking me.
Please.
I was just window-shopping and saw something I liked.
- You're supposed to be meeting Chuck.
- Oh, we met.
Ideas were discussed expletives used.
And how's your morning been, gorgeous? You think you've won.
Chuck will find a way to get back what you stole.
There's always a way.
I told him how to get back his hotel.
- And it wouldn't cost him a dime.
- What are you talking about? I'm saying Chuck can have the Empire and all it would cost is you spending the night with me.
How does that grab you? Careful, B.
Jack Bass' weapon of choice comes fully loaded and if he hits his target, there'll be at least two victims.
I'd rather spend the night with the Marquis de Sade.
- And, yes, I know he's dead.
- I'm surprised this is your response knowing how attached Chuck is to his hotel, what it means to him.
I thought you cared for him.
I thought you were just a disgusting pig.
Now I realize you're actually demented.
Taking what belongs to Chuck has become a real passion of mine.
And I would find this particular conquest deeply satisfying.
I assure you that Chuck and I will find another way.
Chuck opened his heart to you, and now his future lies in your hands.
Well, not your hands exactly.
But you could fix this.
He would never have to know.
Chuck will win.
I'll be right by his side as long as it takes for that to happen.
As long as you're at his side and not mine, that will never happen.
You should at least try it on.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I was just about to call you.
That Polaroid film I told you I had? I don't.
Ugh, I promised Serena that I'd get it.
We need it for the game of Assassin.
Well This is the one thing she gave me to do, and if I mess it up she'll kill me and not in a fun, game way.
Done.
What's wrong? Is it because Serena never threw you a surprise party? Because you hate surprises.
No.
Uh, Vanessa just She wrote this script.
She wants me to read it.
- And? - Well, it's not great.
Give her notes.
That's what you guys always do with each other's work.
As friends.
In relationships, there's such a thing as too much honesty.
Would not have been a good idea to tell Serena how I felt about every outfit she wore.
Telling a woman you like her clothes is not lying, it's self-preservation.
But the truth has shades of gray.
There's such a thing as spin.
Half-truth is a whole lie, son.
In my experience, it causes the same amount of problems down the line, especially with the ladies.
Serena must have something really great planned for you guys tonight, right? Yeah, some toad gala at the Frick.
- Uh, that sounds - Boring? I know.
I mean, it's not like I had some high expectations.
I just expected Serena to be a little more I mean, you know.
Basically, this burger is the best part of my day so far.
It's the best part of mine too.
Actually, you know, the best part of the week.
How are you after that whole thing at Eleanor's? You know you can always come to me, right? Yeah.
Thanks.
But today is not about me.
Did I mention that public embarrassment is a part of the Humphrey birthday tradition? Okay, I'm actually happy to be humiliated.
Good.
Blow out your candle and make a wish.
Yay! Okay.
Bye.
I brought my trench coat, camera.
Prepare to be assassinated.
Heh.
Will do.
Thanks.
Something wrong? Oh, you read my script.
You didn't like it.
I can take it, I think.
Um No, you're right, I didn't, uh I didn't like it.
I loved it.
Really? Loved it? - No notes? - No.
I mean, only note I got is I wish there was more of it.
Yeah, so what'd you think of my play? - Oh, um, I didn't get a chance to read it.
- No worries.
I have to get the application in day after tomorrow, so Okay.
- Oh, Miss Serena, I about to text.
- Dorota, what is going on? Everything should be done by now.
Vans get messed up.
Dead-body cake go to wedding.
Wedding cake come here.
It's very pretty, but pink not Mr.
Nate's color.
We have to stall Nate.
William has to keep him occupied.
No cookies like hearts.
Find bullets and knives and little bombs that go boom! Mr.
Vanderbilt, it's Serena, but don't tell Nate.
Oh.
Okay.
Um Yeah.
I'll let him know when I see him.
Nate's not with him.
He said he called last-minute and canceled.
Then where be he? Let's find out.
Listen, I gotta get going.
I told Serena I'd be there by 3 to get ready for the gala.
Uh, white shirt, black tie.
I'd think you'd have it down by now.
Have fun tonight.
Yeah.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just whenever I'm alone I can't not think of the other night, you know? Hey, I'm sorry.
Um, you shouldn't keep Serena waiting.
It's just you're the only one who gets what I'm going through right now.
Well, hey, I'm sure Serena won't mind if I'm a little bit late.
Like you said, a white shirt, black tie.
How long can it take to get ready for a gala? Attention, Upper East Siders: Nate Archibald is MIA.
Send tips and pics ASAP.
Help Serena find her man.
Um I kind of just wanna disappear in the dark for a while.
Do you wanna go see a movie? - I'm in.
- Okay.
- Thank you, Gregor.
- Chuck.
Back from shopping, no packages.
Who are you? - What have you done with my girlfriend? - Nothing suited my sensibilities.
How was your talk with Jack? I was wrong to think I could negotiate with terrorists.
- Did he offer you anything? - Nothing I would ever consider.
When he can't get what he wants, he'll stop toying with you.
One can only hope.
Hello? Thank you.
You were right.
After I said no to Jack's offer, he's called off the game plan.
He's closing the hotel.
It's over.
Miss Blair, this package arrive for you.
There's card.
Careful, B.
Don't forget your first rule of battle: Beware of Basses bearing gifts.
- Has Nate showed up yet? - He'll be here soon.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sure it'll be any minute.
Hey.
Any word on Nate from Vanya's doormen contacts? Dorota has pretty much the entire Eastern Block on lookout.
Anything on Gossip Girl? Uh, I'm gonna keep looking.
Serena, come here.
You've done some unforgiveable things like having sex with Nate or killing Pete Fairman.
How far is too far? Where is that place you can't come back from anymore? What are you talking about? Is Chuck gonna do something to Jack? What? I mean, yes.
There is something someone could do to get back The Empire.
And, yes, it is terrible.
But they'd be doing it out of love.
- Love of whom? - Just love.
The point is, if someone does something awful but it's for love, is it okay? - Lf you are crossing some moral line to best Jack Bass, then probably not.
- What are you not telling me? - Nothing.
You're right.
Thank you.
I should go get dressed.
Oh, and I invited my minions.
It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Hey, Jenny.
It's me.
Uh I just wanted to remind you that Nate needed to be here an hour ago.
Bring him to the party right now.
- Hey, where's Nate? - I believe he'll arrive momentarily.
He better, with all of his Columbia friends here.
- You want me to start taking pictures? - Yes.
I'll grab Vanessa's camera.
Hey.
- Do you need something? - Camera.
Here.
Smile like the killer you are.
Chuck.
Are you gonna come down and join the party? I heard from my lawyers.
I was waiting to see if there was any chance of keeping The Empire doors open.
- And? There's not.
Jack's within his rights to shutter the place.
I just have to watch it die a slow, painful death.
When you bought The Empire you told me you knew you could do it because I believed in you.
That hasn't changed.
You'll find a way.
When are you going to get it? There is no way! I'm sorry.
I'm not mad at you.
It's my own fault.
I am everything my father said I was.
Even without the guest of honor, it's a great party.
- I can't believe he didn't even call.
- Well, you did steal his phone.
You have a point.
But we did have plans even if it was a made-up ball for a non-endangered reptile.
You're freaking me out with the nunchucks.
He probably thinks I don't care about his birthday.
Surprise! Surprise! Sorry we're late, everyone.
Crazy.
Uh-oh, S, looks like Little J's knives are sharpened and she's ready to use them in the battle for Nate Archibald.
Kill or be killed.
Your photo is your life.
You wear it around your neck.
If someone grabs your picture before you get theirs, you're dead.
You have to give them the pictures of everyone you've killed.
Once you're a ghost, you come back here to the safe zone.
You can't go beyond this block, but restaurants, buildings, shops all fair game.
The winner is the last Assassin on the street.
And they have all the other photos.
So you have five safe minutes to leave the building starting now.
- I can't believe you were in on this.
- Thank you.
I figured someone had to keep him distracted.
I gotta go before I end up dead.
I can't believe you did this.
It's awesome.
- I mean, you totally had me going.
- Apparently.
- Were you not gonna show up to the gala? - What? No.
- Something with Jenny just came up.
- Yeah, I got that.
We have exactly four minutes left to live.
Do you really wanna spend it talking like this? Hey, come on, game's starting.
- Let's go.
- I'm already dead.
- You still have your photo.
- A formality.
Although, you're welcome to kill me again if you like.
Oh, well.
- Hello, Dorota.
- What are you doing here? I will be killed if someone find me.
Why would someone kill you? - Anti-royalist from Russia? - No.
In game.
Then I must do something before you die.
Dorota.
From first moment I saw you, I knew you were princess.
And every day you make me feel like king.
- Will you? - Yes.
Yes.
Yes, of course I will marry you.
- At least now I die with happiness.
Heh.
- Heh.
Vanya, I'm so sorry.
Hey, you okay? Uh, yeah, I am.
- Are you okay? - I am engaged.
Oh.
Oh, wow, wow.
Uh, congratulations.
Both of you.
Sorry.
A friend's housekeeper and our doorman got engaged.
- But you obviously got that, the - Yeah, that's pretty self-explanatory.
It's the all-black outfit that's throwing me.
- I'm in the middle of a game of Assassin.
- Oh, well, okay.
Continue on your way.
I'd hate to contribute to your death.
I'm safe for a moment.
You live in the building? No, I like hanging out in random lobbies overhearing proposals, looking for games of Assassin.
- Then this is definitely your lucky day.
- Indeed.
There is something I have to take care of for a minute.
But dead or alive, I will be right back.
Yeah, thanks.
Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important prey to hunt.
Ooh.
Might wanna call Rufus and say your goodbyes.
- I'm into this killer side of you.
- I'd hate for you to die without getting to read my script.
- I promise I will.
You know, I'll give you another copy.
The one in your bag is pretty marked up.
I'm sorry, Dan.
I didn't know what to do.
I was gonna tell you, but I didn't know what to say.
- You felt sorry for me? - Not what I meant.
Well, good.
As long as we're being honest your script was not an A-plus.
It was a D.
At least you'll be together on the other side.
Hey.
I don't care about the game.
We need to talk.
- About what? - What were you doing with Nate? - Keeping him busy.
- Wasn't the plan.
- Nate and I are friends.
- Friends don't kiss friends.
- You have history with him.
- Ancient.
I'm not gonna do anything to Nate.
- Now, is that all? - Nope.
You can't kill me.
You're already dead.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Any last words before I open this door and murder you? Look, I know you thought that I blew off your birthday but you did ditch me.
- Serena, it wasn't like that.
- Nate.
I need to know why you ignored our plans to spend the day with Jenny.
Well, I promised her I wouldn't say anything.
Okay, last week, something really messed up happened.
- And she came to you about it? - Only because I was involved.
- That's not making me feel any better.
- Girls from Eleanor's fashion show they roofie'd her and then dumped her off at some bar with all these guys.
Oh, my God.
Is she okay? Yeah, I mean, I got there before anything actually happened but, you know, she's having a tough time.
- So - I'm sorry.
You're such a good guy, Nate Archibald.
Can I kiss you before I kill you? Got you.
Watch your back.
Well, looks like it's just you and Nate left.
I'm on it.
Hey! - Chuck, have you seen Blair? - I assume she's still slaying.
She can't be.
Her Polaroid's right here.
You know Blair.
She's probably cheating.
If you'll excuse me a moment.
Blair? When all other weapons fail there's always human sacrifice.
I knew the memory of our New Year's together would bring you back.
I'm not here for you.
I'm here to get Chuck's hotel.
- Mm, semantics, really.
- I had a contract drawn up.
Now suddenly you don't trust me? What are your demands? No kissing seems to be, you know, some working girls' rule of thumb.
You'll tell Chuck that you realized he isn't worth losing Bass Australia over.
Now that you've devalued The Empire you're willing to sell it back at a profit so he doesn't suspect.
You know, I love a win-win proposition.
And Chuck can never know.
I think I've already proven I'm not one to kiss and tell.
Fine.
I've already had his hotel.
Now I'll leave knowing I've had the thing he holds even dearer.
Everything that was his is mine.
That dress looks almost as beautiful on as I'm sure it will off.
But first a drink.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
She's trying to kill me.
- Yeah, only because he's trying to kill me.
The grilled cheese with truffles is really good, by the way.
Looks like it's till death do us part.
Someday maybe you girls find true love too.
And your children not grow up to be bastards.
Congratulations, Dorota, Vanya.
Hey, uh, Dorota, do you remember the guy that I was talking to in the lobby? I don't even remember own name.
All a blur of sparkly.
So, uh, it wasn't a D.
It wasn't.
But it wasn't an A-plus either.
I did think the male character's dialogue sounded a little bit like a girl, you know.
So I can see that.
Thanks for being honest.
- That's actually a really helpful note.
- Uh, you gotta do me now.
- Tear me to pieces.
Be brutal.
- You know I think you're an amazing writer.
- Really? That brutal? It's just a play about a homeless man winning the lottery, it seems a little out of your wheelhouse.
Well, I was, you know, trying to show some range.
When you write what you know, you're amazing.
Like that story about graduating from St.
Jude's having never fit in.
That was really beautiful.
What would've happened if you didn't tell me this and I sent the wrong one with my Tisch application? They would've loved you anyway.
- You sure you're not lying again? - Never.
Trying to kill you is the best time I've had in months.
- That's a great reason to let me live.
You are the birthday boy.
I should let you kill me.
Uh-oh.
You're dead.
Champagne okay? I prefer something stronger to kill the germs.
Must be lonely for you with Chuck under all this pressure.
Has the stress compromised his ability to perform romantically? I'm here because I love Chuck.
Don't flatter yourself into thinking I'm going to enjoy this.
Whatever you need to tell yourself.
I think we've had enough foreplay.
Thank you.
What? That's it? You already signed the contract.
- You can't go back now.
- Chuck will get his hotel.
But I prefer a woman to want to have sex with me.
I don't understand.
Why did you set this up? I told Chuck I'd take either you or the hotel.
He chose to give me you.
No.
What are you talking about? Chuck doesn't know.
Really? Because it seems to me he knew exactly which buttons to have me push.
Said you wouldn't be able to resist stepping in to save him behind his back.
You were there while I was shopping.
You're the only one who saw this dress.
And who do you think sent me to that store? I'd never drop that kind of money on a dress.
My goal was to destroy Chuck.
But now that he has you, I had to break that bond.
Chuck would never do this to me.
If you don't believe me, check his credit card receipts.
I'm sorry, Blair.
Just be grateful one of the Bass men has some moral integrity.
Although, if you're interested in some revenge sex l'd be more than happy to oblige.
Arms are laid down only to realize you've been hit by friendly fire.
Okay, so, what the hell was that? What do you mean? We were playing and I killed you.
Jenny, us hanging out, was just as friends.
Yeah, I know.
Nate, seriously, I thought that you'd be happy I was finally having fun again.
Guys.
I won.
Congratulations.
- Hey.
I'm glad it's over.
- Hi.
- How could you lose? - Oh, stop it.
Home so soon? Please tell me Jack was lying.
- You wouldn't betray me like that.
- Me betray you? You're the one who just came from seeing my uncle.
I went there for you.
Because I thought it was the only way that would save your hotel.
I would've done anything to help you.
All you had to do was ask.
If I asked, it wouldn't have worked.
You would've been too willing when Jack came to you.
He would've known.
I did what I had to, to win.
- No.
- I can't let my feelings cost me all that I've built.
Even if it means losing me instead? All I ever did was love you.
The worst thing I ever did, the darkest thought I ever had.
You said you would stand by me through anything.
This, Blair, is anything.
I never thought that the worst thing you would ever do would be to me.
You went up there on your own.
Goodbye, Chuck.
Hey.
I'm sorry for tricking you.
Oh, it was worth it.
Seriously, best birthday ever.
Well, it's not over yet.
I still have to give you your present.
Hey, Jenny, are you ready? I'm gonna grab our coats.
Yeah.
I'm done.
I mean, yeah, I'm ready to go.
When the battle ends and weapons are put away new strategies take shape.
Hey, Vanessa.
Hi.
Professor Romano sent this over earlier.
You weren't here so the messenger left it with me.
I didn't know you were applying to the Tisch writing program.
I'm kind of not telling anyone.
It's really competitive.
I mean, there are only a few spots for NYU transfers.
I hope you get in.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hm.
Soldiers decide to fend for themselves.
Hey, there you are.
- I think you lost this.
- Thanks.
- How'd you know what apartment? - Well, uh I started on the first floor, worked my way up.
You do realize that this is the penthouse, right? - I'm Eric.
- Heh.
I'm Elliot.
New alliances are made.
But there are casualties.
Welcome home, Chuck.
You're not mad at me, are you? I mean, you didn't actually believe Blair could sleep with me and you two would be okay? Or are you mad because I told her? Security.
I need Jack Bass escorted from my penthouse immediately.
You may have told her but Blair and I will get past this.
Is that what you think? Don't you get it, Chuck? Blair's seen the real you now.
It's over.
She could never love that.
No one could.
Hope The Empire's everything you wanted.
Because now it's all you got.
In matters of love and war all weapons cause injury.
The question is, who will live to fight another day? XOXO, Gossip Girl.