iCarly s03e17 Episode Script

Little mayyyyyo Some mustarrrrrd Some turkey breastess, Slice of tomato, A little iceberg Off the port bow.
Back off, jerk.
Carly, where's the fly-swatter? I threw it away.
why? 'cause it's not nice To kill things.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I'm gonna kill you so hard.
what are you doing? nothing! Just readin' the bible.
This pharaoh guy's Really givin' moses a hard time.
You wanna rest there For a minute, mister fly? Okay, that's cool.
That's a comfy countertop, Isn't it? Don't mind me.
I'm not gonna kill you With an umbrella or anything.
It's just that today's Weather forecast Calls for death.
Ah, dang it! You made me break The countertop.
what happened? what was that noise? I don't know.
I was reading this bible.
this is a mexican cookbook.
we can still learn from it.
how'd the counter get broken? some lady came and you were trying To kill the fly.
flies like to die.
hello.
Can I in? Okay, thanks.
Freddie.
hey, what's up? guess what's in this box? donuts.
no.
muffins.
no.
corn dogs.
no.
chocolate.
no, it's not food.
then who cares? what's in the box? oh, just some photos.
of donuts? no! Me.
What? it's just a funny pose.
it's a natural pose.
of course, it is.
I do this all the time.
Don't you, carls? totally.
I find it both natural And not-stupid looking.
say girls, How do your chins feel? mine's warm.
mine's firm.
all right, enough.
why do you have A billion pictures of yourself? just a thousand And they're for me to autograph At webicon.
your mom's gonna let you Come with me and Sam? my mom Doesn't control me anymore.
did she say you have to sit By the emergency exit On the train? yes.
and text message her Five times a day? no.
six? maybe.
you know, I read that this year's webicon Is gonna be twice As big as last year's.
another reason I don't wanna go.
Oh, come on! everyone who's anyone On the web is gonna be there.
yeah but most of 'em Are nerds and losers And stubrags.
It's like A benson family reunion.
you know, I'd be more offended If I knew what a stubrag was.
She stuck her tongue in my ear! yeah, lucky you.
aw, man! I thought I killed you! Spencer he's a fly.
Why shouldn't I try to It's on your I know.
Got him.
you didn't get him.
oh no? Well look at Stubrag! In 5, 4, 3, 2 Whatcha doin'? Checking the iCarly email.
Anything good? Yeah, here's a fun one.
"hey, guys.
"I love watching iCarly, "but my mom says Sam Is a bad role model.
" smart mom.
I know, right? hey, Toss me my red thumb drive.
Thanks.
what are you doin'? pre-packing for webicon.
Don't you guys love How travel-size bottles Make you feel like a wiant? Grrrr! Shampoo! Grrrr! Mouthwash! Grrrrr! yeah, add that to the list.
of what? reasons why you don't have A lot of friends.
oh, here's a v-mail From a fan.
play it.
how do I put it up On the monitor? command-j.
command-j.
hello, iCarly.
I mean, I doubt You're really watching this 'cause you guys probably Get a ga'jillion emails a day.
But if you are seeing this Icarly is my life.
I see a girlfriend For Freddie.
My name is Nora Dershlit.
Dershlit.
It's not funny.
okay.
This Friday is my 16th birthday.
And I heard that iCarly's Gonna be at webicon This weekend, Which is only 15 minutes From my house, So I was wondering if you guys Would come to my Sweet 16 birthday party.
will you delete this? don't be mean.
Watch.
last year when I turned 15, I had a party But nobody showed up.
Anyways, I was thinking If the iCarly gang Comes to my party, Maybe other kids would come Since you guys are all cool And popular.
this is so sad.
should we go? yeah.
what? I don't wanna go To Nora Dershlit's Lame birthday party.
that girl has a sad life.
so does Freddie.
We can't fix the world.
it could be A really fun party.
There's gonna be games gross.
And karaoke lame.
And a clown And a big Chocolate fountain.
I say we go.
aren't there professionals That fix countertops? uh, excuse me, I'm a sculptor.
I think I can fix A little broken countertop.
Ow, owie! just call a dude.
I am a dude.
a real dude.
dude.
hey.
Sam's mom here yet? nah, they're late 'cause she was bleaching Her mustache.
Sam's gonna text me When they drive up.
Are you sure You don't wanna come to webicon With us? you know, I so would, But I so don't want to.
hey look.
I typed up a complete itinerary For our whole trip.
you're so your mother.
don't be vicious.
Okay.
The train gets into olympia At 7:07.
We take a cab to Nora's house, Arriving there by 7:26, Party 'till 7:45, Then cab it back to the hotel Getting there by 8:05, Then we check in to our when do we go To the bathroom? that is up to your bladder.
do girls have bladders? no, we store pee in our feet.
don't joke about urine! sorry.
Sam's here.
to webicon! All right.
gibster.
What up, little weirdo? not much.
Carly here? nah, she just left With Freddie and Sam For webicon.
You can catch 'em If you hurry down no.
I don't need to catch 'em.
I just wanted To return this sleeping bag.
I don't need it anymore.
You should probably wash that.
don't you need that for camp? no.
I just found out I'm too old for camp.
too old? yeah, once you turn 15, They won't let you go anymore.
well, I know how you feel.
I remember when they said I wasn't allowed to go To camp anymore.
'cause you were too old? no.
So, if you can't go to camp, What are you gonna do? I don't know.
Sit home.
Take a bath.
Watch reruns Of different strokes.
hey.
How would you like to go to camp Right here in this apartment? whatchoo talkin' 'bout Spencer? I'm gonna call your mom And tell her you can come To camp Spencer, right here For the next few days.
What do you say to that? I say dy-no-mite! you watch a lot Of classic tv.
what do you mean? well.
Looks like a rockin' Sweet 16 party.
can you improve Your attitude? maybewith some kind Of medication My mom can't afford.
no way! Icarly! happy birthday.
hey.
feliz navidad.
I can't believe you guys Really came.
I'm Nora.
hi.
I'm Carly, and this is chuh! I know who you guys are! Enter! Enter! thanks.
you can put Your bags there.
here, okay.
oh,all right.
hi.
hi.
so, where's everybody else? I don't know.
I told everyone at my school And local youth group That I invited the iCarly kids, But I guess they didn't think You'd really come.
Well, maybe some of them Will show up soon.
I don't know.
anyway.
So, I see the clown's here.
yay, a clown.
He's 87 years old And his name is cramps.
hey cramps, what's up? cramps.
'sup? oh, and here.
I'll put on some music.
Here's a tasty tape.
tape? Oh No dance me.
come in! hello fellow camper! oh hey, Gib.
Where's your mom? she dropped me off.
she didn't want to come up And see me? nope.
okay.
Whoa, nice lanyard.
thanks.
I made it at camp last year.
shut up! true chiz! awesome.
so what's our first Camp activity? I was gonna plan Some stuff, But then I got stuck working On this countertop all day And it's still not fixed.
no problem.
Let's fix The countertop together, Then start camp.
who's awesome? gibbah! poor clown.
we got a guy that 1099'd.
careful going out.
is cramps gonna be okay? maybe.
Uh, probably not.
oh man.
well, happy birthday.
thank you.
gee, Nora.
I'm really sorry Your clown had an aneurysm.
I'm sorry he had an aneurysm While I was dancing with him.
this is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
poor Nora.
What a horrible birthday.
can we go? Well, this one said We were only gonna be here And it's been an hour.
I wanna go to our hotel, Order room service, And get ready For webicon tomorrow.
it's her birthday And she's sobbing Into her fireplace.
her clown had an aneurysm.
we can't just leave her here All alone.
I wonder Where her parents are.
yo Nora, Where's your mom and dad? they took a vacation To stanker, wyoming.
wait.
You're their only kid, And it's your 16th birthday And they picked this week To take a trip to stanker? well, they got a good deal On the plane fare.
Usually round-trip tickets To stanker are 300 bucks.
But they got a super-saver deal For only 290.
They had to snatch That opportunity.
if you just heard A loud crack, That was my heart breaking.
Nora, we're really sorry That this birthday Isn't goin' so great.
it's okay.
I've had worse birthdays.
dude, Your parents abandoned you, Nobody showed up to your party, And then your clown burped And had an aneurysm.
No offense, but how could you Have had a worse birthday? alright, I know what we can do.
go to our hotel And pretend this never happened? no.
Nora, you said you told Every kid you know We were coming here, But they didn't believe We'd show up, right? okay, so let's do A little iCarly.
sure.
how are people gonna know We're on? we tweet.
no way! You guys are gonna do Icarly live from my house? no.
yes.
And then people will see We really are here And maybe they'll come.
oh they will! I just know they will! This is so exciting! I swear I could just I could just Oh, that's bile.
I think I'm gonna boot.
spence? I don't mean to be rude, But I've been sittin' here For two hours doing nothing.
I know.
I'm sorry.
you said this would be Like camp.
How long it's gonna take you To fix that countertop? it's done.
it is? I just applied the lacquer.
Now, I test it by setting This bottle right here On the previously broken corner.
nice work.
thanks.
time for camp? yep.
I was thinkin' we could start With maybe you should have waited Longer for it to dry.
really? in 5, 4, 3, 2 oh, la la.
oui, oui.
Okay, we know This isn't our regular night.
we're irregular.
but don't freak out this is still iCarly! now if you live in olympia And go to school at ponderosa high school.
ponderosa high school Then you may know This chick! hello, peers.
I told you guys Icarly might come.
and that's Nora.
and it's her 16th birthday! wooo! 16! Now, if Nora invited you To this wing-ding And you wanna meet Sam, Freddie, and me Then get your butts Over here to Nora's house.
you can meet my chicken, Maurice.
so come on down To Nora's house, people.
better hurry.
you already missed the clown.
you really gotta take The whole countertop off? yeah, I told you I need to set it on its side So I can epoxy the corner Back on And secure it with clamps 'till the epoxy dries.
and then we get to do Camp stuff? I promise.
Now c'mon and help me Lift the counter off.
On "lift.
" we did it! Gibby.
hi.
Hello.
Welcome.
Enter.
Enter.
Shhhhh, iCarly's happening.
and now hey.
Cleetus.
You wanna sip a'this here Rut beer? hey.
well, hello there, Young farm girl.
you're a cowboy.
why, yes'm.
I surely am that.
how much did your Sports car cost? uh, pardon me? this sports car.
Was he expensive? oh, now missy Surely you must have taken A handful of idjit pills, For this here ain't nary A sports car.
Him's a chicken.
does he have leather seats? uh, no ma'am.
He's made of feathers.
does he come With GPS navigation? what the?! Now listen here, she-dummy! This here's the old west.
Ain't no GPS nava-m'gation done Been invented yet! that's my chicken.
I love that new car smell.
I will thank you kindly Not to sniff my chicken.
come on, Gib.
Just a few more feet.
man, it's so heavy.
that's 'cause It's made of granite.
Solid rock.
Heavy stuff.
why couldn't we just fix The old countertop? Gibby! Anyway, granite countertops Are better.
They're real classy.
we never installed Granite countertops at my camp.
I told you, As soon as we get this fixed, It's camp time.
yeah, you tell me A lot of things.
okay, now, let's gently Set this countertop On top of the cabinet.
all right.
watch your fingers.
Lift it, lift it.
Little more my way, careful.
okay, back it up, back up.
right in there, slide it.
okay.
perfect.
that's a nice piece.
thanks.
Now all I gotta do Is take this drill and Don't cry, don't cry, come on.
I just wanna go to camp, man.
hey guys, having fun.
yeah.
totally.
I swear, Nora, This may be the best party Of the year.
really? yeah.
Thanks for inviting us.
no thank you for coming.
excuse me.
You guys.
Oh, my gosh.
This is the best night Of my life.
I bet.
that's really nice.
I'm so excited.
I could I could just calm down, it's okay.
No need to vomit.
I'm okay.
I started to vomit But then I swallowed it.
hey, Nora, You gotta come see this.
oh, my gosh.
No one's ever asked me To come see anything before.
well go see it.
I will.
I'm gonna go see it.
c'mon.
1, 2, 3, 4, lift.
All right, to the left.
No, no, no, my left.
what? the other way.
you said left so I We hit the column.
I can fix that.
but it cracked the ceiling.
I know.
With a little spackle I can just patch yeah.
This is just like camp.
Gibby.
see you at school.
oh, it is so cool That you got iCarly To come to your party.
aren't they wonderful? yeah.
Hey, next weekend A bunch of us girls Are gonna get mani-pedis, You wanna come? oh yes.
I'd love to get both a mani And a pedi with girls.
okay.
bye.
Bye.
you rock, Nora.
no, we all rock together.
yeah, okay.
yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
bye.
thank you.
Thank you.
thanks for coming.
see you, guys.
Bye-bye.
Thanks for coming.
adios.
best night ever! Thank you! okay.
You're welcome.
but we're leaving now.
oh, must you go? uh, yeah, we really need To get to our hotel.
uh, where's our luggage? oh, I put all your bags Down in the basement So no one would grope them.
Follow me.
all right.
who gropes luggage? step, step, step, step, step, Step, step, step, step, step.
This is a Yatsabishi 256-track Audio mixing board.
cool, why don't you use it To beam yourself to Jupiter? is that necessary? I could'a said Uranus.
why do you have this? oh, my dad's In the jingle business.
Like, you know that fat cake Commercial where they sing * I don't need nothin' * * but a fat cake * I love that jingle.
your dad wrote that? yep.
Recorded it right in there.
Go take a look.
okay.
I wanna see.
really? cool.
whoa, cool.
nice sound booth.
beyo.
I'm sorry, Carly, I couldn't hear you.
Again, please? I said why'd you close The door? Because I can't let you leave.
locked.
what do you mean, You can't let us leave? I mean that tonight Was the first time in my life I was ever popular.
You're angels That were sent to me To change my life.
I can't let my angels fly away.
Nora, we have to go.
mmm-no, I can't let That happen.
okay, I'm calling Spencer.
Looking for these? Sam, stop.
No! You've been doing that For hours.
it's not gonna break.
I gotta get outta here, man.
I feel like I'm back In juvie.
good morning, angels.
I trust you all slept well.
no.
we did not sleep well.
why not? 'cause I had a nightmare That a psycho monster Locked me in a cage And wouldn't let me leave! well, that monster Won't bother you anymore.
You're safely trapped In my sound booth.
how could she not get My metaphor? you better let us outta here Or I'll smash my way out! oh, silly Sam.
You can't smash it.
That's maxi-glass.
maxi-glass? it's a transparent Polycarbonate thermoplastic That's highly resistant to Whoa? you were boring me.
will you just please Let us outta here? oh no.
why not? because with you As my friends, I'm finally popular.
I can't go back To being a lonely nub, With only a chicken to talk to.
y'know Nora, If we don't show up At webicon this morning, People are gonna know Something's wrong.
yeah, and they're gonna come Lookin' for us.
no.
I contacted webicon This morning, Said I was Carly, And canceled your appearance.
what? dude! Nora! yeah.
when our families Don't hear from us, They're gonna call the cops.
yeah, the cops.
that's right.
which is why I used Your cell phone To text message your families And tell them Everything's going just fine.
you did not.
did too.
Here, I'll read you Their responses.
Spencer texted back, "coolio.
Have fun.
" Freddie, your mother Texted back, "remember to apply Your ointment.
" And Sam's mother texted, "I finally popped that thing On my back.
" wow, she's been squeezin' That thing since christmas.
Gibby! Hey, Gibby, wake up! Rise and shine, Lil' camper! mornin'.
okay.
So, you wanna hear the schedule For camp Spencer today? sure, read it.
okay.
We're gonna play some kickball, Make some lanyards, Do some archery, Rewire a light fixture, Cook some wieners you said Rewire a light fixture.
yeah.
See I need to you promised we were done With the home improvements.
we just have to fix The stuff we already started.
See, when we knocked The granite countertop Into this column, We shorted out this switch To the light over the island.
See? but I wanna do camp stuff.
we slept in a tent Last night.
that's not a tent.
That's a bunch of garbage And duct tape.
you slept like a bunny.
'cause I was exhausted From helpin' you With all your fix-it projects! look, we can Stand around here arguing About who usfd who As a day laborer, Or we can fix this stuff And then start Doing camp activities.
okayAs long as you promise That we'll I'll be in the garbage tent.
so, which photo of myself Do you guys think I should use On my splashface page? Side-smile, or ponytail? I dunno, Nora.
the one on the left's cute, But the one on the right Really captures Your inner insanity.
you really think This one makes me look cute? dude, if I don't get Some food in the next hour, I'm gonna eat Freddie.
get her some food, Nora.
okay.
I'll get you guys some food, If I can get a little something From Freddie.
what? a kiss.
No chance.
yes.
when she opens the door, We can beat her down And get outta here.
um, that room is filled With microphones, And I don't want To be beaten down.
So, I'll just kiss Freddie Through the glass.
not happening.
then no food for the icarlys.
just put your lips On the glass.
are you serious? I'm hungry.
me too, But I'm not gonna just put My lips up come on.
oh, no, Sam.
Oh, come on.
pucker up.
come and get it, Nora.
oh I will.
I will get it.
no, no, no, no, no.
c'mon.
Slide 'em around.
this is so romantic.
all the way.
Gibby.
I'm gettin' it.
mom, what are you guys Doin' here? your little brother Misses you.
oh, you do? how's camp Spencer? I dunno.
Better than sittin' home, I guess.
well, can guppy Stay with you guys, Just for tonight? mom he really wants to play With you.
okay.
yay.
You be sweet And do everything Your brother says, okay? yes, you can take off Your shirt.
whip it off, kid.
bye, boys.
you don't wanna say Hey to Spencer? no.
okay, gup.
Go wait over there.
I gotta hit the loo.
Gibby, I found The measuring tape.
Who was at the door? And what did they do to you? pretty decent chinese food, Right? yeah.
sure.
it's all right.
I didn't order anything With chicken Out of respect for maurice.
It's pork! This is so grand.
Just four pals and a chicken HangingChewingRelating it's like that.
you've been gnawing On that duck bone For 10 minutes.
you're a duck bone.
we've got to get outta here.
but how? hey Nora yeah, what's up, carls? can I please have Some hot mustard For my egg roll? well, sure.
That's the kinda thing Friends do for each other So I'd be happy to.
thanks.
let us outta here! Let us out! Let us out! Ah! Ah! Release me! let us out.
Let us out.
no, no, no, no, no, no.
I gave you the hot mustard! nice try.
yeah yeah.
say guys! I have some cool stuff I want to show you all.
Wait here, okay? Not that you have any choice.
Giggle.
what are you doing? pickin' this lock.
with a duck bone? yeah, I was chewin' on it To make the end sharp.
Although I did enjoy the marrow.
I don't think you can pick A lock with a duck bone.
I've picked locks with less.
we're out! run! go, go, go, go, go, go.
well, that was a fine Howdy-do.
I come down here all excited To show you guys My richard nixon mask And my medieval hatchet, And I catch you Trying to run away.
Oh, I can't stay mad At you guys.
Sing with me.
* one hundred cartons of milk * * on the wall * * one hundred cartons of milk * * you take one down * * open the spout * * drinkity-drink * * till the milk runs out * sing it.
Here, I'll turn up my volume.
* ninety-nine cartons of milk * * on the wall * * ninety-nine cartons of milk * * you take one down * * open the spout * * drinkity-drink * * till the milk runs out * Why did Nora leave The stupid microphone on? Hey, friends! Who missed me? you left the mic on With the volume up.
your chicken blew Our ear drums out! sorry, I was upstairs Microwaving this food pocket.
You know my dad Wrote their jingle.
Oh, I just burned the snot Outta my mouth! I forgot, you're supposed To let a food pocket Sit for two minutes Before you eat it.
Nora.
Y'know our friend Gibby? sure.
I've seen you guys Humiliate him On iCarly many a'time.
right, well, uh, see, Tomorrow's his birthday, And we promised we'd send him A special birthday video From webicon.
we did? yes we did.
So, would it be okay If we made a video And sent it to him? all right.
You can make a video But no tricks.
I'll be watching Your every move.
no tricks.
Where's your camera? upstairs.
Freddie left his camera Upstairs.
Could you get it for us? okay.
Back in a blintz.
Ah! Still hot! Man! Jim gaffigan was right! My palate is blistering.
Gibby's birthday Was five months ago.
I know.
I have a plan.
that's it, maurice! when I get outta here It's you, me, And a bottle of barbecue sauce! hey Spencer.
Spence? Where'd he go? Oh, a note.
"Gibby and guppy.
" Shirt down.
"went to buy supplies "to fix kitchen.
"if you want breakfast, "there's food pockets "in the freezer.
"after you microwave them, "be sure to wait two minutes "before eating.
I cannot stress that enough.
" Okay, gup You get the food pockets Out of the freezer, I'm gonna check my email.
Hey! Happy birthday message From Carly, Sam, and Freddie! Nice.
Wait, it's not my birthday.
Happy birthday Gibby! Sorry we can't be with you On your special day.
but at least you got To spend the 4th of July With us.
yeah, we're always together Every 4th of July.
every fourth.
word! every fourth.
word! and now, Here's our birthday message To you Which starts now.
have the greatest birthday.
go crazy.
kiss your pretty girl.
sorry, we're still trapped At webicon.
forgive us.
have fun.
and please make sure You save some cake for us.
happy birthday! happy birthday! you know It's not my birthday.
There's somethin' suspicious Goin' on.
every fourth.
word.
every fourth.
word.
every fourth.
Word.
every fourth.
Word.
okay, Sam, your turn.
Give me a noun.
blood.
okay.
Now Freddie, You supply an adjective.
psychotic.
oh, good one.
And Carly, a verb.
choke.
well, you've already used Choke three times, but okay.
Oh, mad libs are endless fun.
oh man.
Gup, check out what it says If I play every fourth word.
the crazy girl trapped us please save us.
"the crazy girl trapped us, Please save us.
" We gotta catch a train To olympia! happy birthday.
c'mon! Okay, just stay back And let me do the talkin'.
happy birthday! dude, you know It's not my birthday.
They just sent me that message To let me know that may I help you? Yeah.
My name is Gibby.
oh yes.
I recognize you From your appearances On iCarly.
Thanks.
The show's a lotta fun.
Anyway, I was wonderin'.
Do you have Carly, Sam, And Freddie trapped here? no.
Good day.
Wait.
Are you sure they're not here? yes.
There's no one in my basement.
I didn't say anything About your basement.
no one sees the wizard.
okay.
No problem.
I'll justGo away.
get outta my house! where are my friends?! happy birthday! why is Nora screaming? where are my friends?! is that Gibby?! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! go Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! it is Gibby! get her, Gib! kick her butt, Gibby! Gibby! Gibby, come on Gibby.
come on.
come on.
Come on.
punchy freak! kick her butt, Gibby.
help me, maurice!! come on.
Gibby, come on, please.
Get up.
Get up, Gibby.
Get up, get up, get up.
Get up.
Gibby.
Come on.
Gibby.
come on, Gibby.
take her down that's right.
Do it.
do what she did to you.
take her down.
you can take her.
come on.
You can do it.
come on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gibby, come on.
Get up.
You can do it.
You can do it.
it's guppy.
why is Gibby's little Brother here? I dunno! guppy guppy, come here Bring those over here.
Guppy, come here, come here, Come here On the hole right there.
Come on.
great job, buddy.
Gibby! Gibby get up! It's fine, it's fine.
how'd you get out?! come here.
let me go! This is not how friends behave! oh Getting Sleepy Feeling good to see ya, Gib.
happy birthday! thanks buddy.
oh, Gibby.
You did it.
I can't believe You were able to The champion is Gibby.
now this feels like camp.
see? hey, you really did A nice job Fixing the countertop.
easy, sarcastic.
I've already booked a dude To come fix everything.
good.
so this Nora girl, What she look like? here.
why's she sleeping On the floor? she's unconscious.
you did the vulcan Squeezy thing? what's that on her stomach? a chicken.
maybe we shouldn't have Called the cops on Nora.
she kidnapped us.
But she just wanted friends.
She bought us chinese food.
she'll have plenty Of friends in prison.
yeah, but those aren't Quality friends.
good idea.
You guys wanna sing a camp song? sure.
yeah, why not? no.
Oh, I got one! * one hundred cartons of milk * * on the wall * * one hundred cartons * * of milk * * you take one down * * open the spout * * drinkity-drink *