Jane the Virgin (2014) s03e17 Episode Script
Chapter Sixty-One
1 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, people, you recall we last left our Jane crushing on Fabian, and, guess what, the feeling was mutual.
Yeah, quite a kiss.
The kind of kiss you can't wait to tell your best friend about.
In Jane's case, that would be Lina, although we haven't seen her lately.
Hmm.
Anyway, also feeling lovey-dovey Ro and Xo, because they recently got back together.
And they weren't the only ones.
Remember Rafael and Petra's night of passion? Well, after, Rafael started having feelings for her.
(knock on door) Unfortunately, Petra was dating Chuck Chesser, the owner of the hotel next door.
And trust me, there was a lot of drama there, because a body was found right between their properties.
Yep, it was Scott.
You remember Scott, right? - - Sort of annoying, kept a burn book, - - always blackmailing people.
- - Married to Petra's twin sister, Anezka.
Anyway, fast-forward three years.
He's dead, and Anezka was arrested for his murder.
And Petra was freaking out because You better fix this, or I will tell them all that I know, and then you, sister, will be in orange jumpsuit with me.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know, straight out of a Telenovela, right? Which this is, after all.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 14 years old, she went on her very first date.
Well, double date.
Kiss him.
(whispering): I don't think he likes me.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: See? People can surprise you.
I never said it was going to be a good surprise.
Nope.
No way this was going to be Jane's first kiss The one she dreamed about forever.
- - JANE: It's gonna be my first fling.
Fabian is perfect fling material.
I'm definitely not into dating him, but, oh, he is the hottest guy I have ever seen.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to say no to that body.
Are they shooting the tighty-whities scene? How did you know that? I saw it on Dad's script and made a mental note in my sex brain.
Wow, you are really ready for this.
Totally ready.
He's perfect.
- DIRECTOR: Cut! - Okay, I got to go.
Your dad and I are gonna grab lunch.
Wait.
I miss you.
Maybe we can have dinner tonight.
But tonight is Fabian fling night.
Exactly.
I'm meeting him at 9:00 to Netflix and chill, - so that means - XIOMARA: Sex.
I know.
I'm not your Abuela.
I'll come over for dinner.
See you tonight.
Lina? Jane! Uh I didn't know you were in town.
Yeah, it was a last-minute trip.
Two days to do some wedding stuff.
Right.
Yeah.
I was literally about to text you.
- Oh.
- Ju Yeah.
Well, here I am.
Surprise! (chuckles weakly) - So let's see the ring.
- Yeah.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I should explain.
These two haven't seen each other in quite a while.
Almost two years, to be exact.
And in that time, a lot has changed for Lina.
Yeah, that's been their main source of communication ever since Lina moved away.
Oh, wow, - it's even better in person.
- Thank you.
I was literally about to text you.
Yeah, you said that already.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So sad, right? These two were like sisters.
No, sister, I didn't kill Scott! LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Like regular sisters, I meant, not like these two.
I loved him.
You know that.
So you better fix this, or I will tell everyone that you were in his apartment that night, and you stole his burn book.
I was only in his apartment to get your clothes, because you asked me to.
I didn't know he was dead.
Maybe you did this.
Maybe you killed him.
You always hated him.
That's ridiculous.
Stop it.
Did you do it? Of course not.
I-I loved him.
Then why did you threaten him? The police say they have a video.
Apparently a guest sent it to them.
What? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I've seen the video.
It's pretty bad.
No.
I hate you! I wish you were dead.
Never come near me again! Did you kill him? No! No, I couldn't have I don't think.
Okay, we have to go over everything that happened that day Everything you can remember.
You guys were in a fight? Yes, yes, he was flirting with a waitress.
I got very jealous.
Scott was mad.
He hated when I would get jealous, but I can't help it.
In the orphanage, you always have to look out for your bread and your boyfriend.
That night, Anezka Yes, I I got a text.
He was breaking up with me.
I texted him back But he said no.
And that's when you found me.
PETRA: Oh, no, - you poor thing.
- (crying) Let me help you.
I could get you out on the first flight tomorrow.
I'll pack up your things.
That way you don't have to see Scott again.
- No - No, no, really, it's it's not a problem.
You should just go.
ANEZKA: And then we be going back to your penthouse, and I be drinking my sorrows away.
And that's all I remember.
I fall asleep on couch.
Well, you're on a video, so you must have gone back out after I went back to work.
I was so drunk, I can't remember.
But no, I couldn't have killed him.
No, I loved him.
Oh, you know how much I loved him.
Please, beautiful sister, you have to fix this.
JANE: I want to fix it, of course, but I just can't believe Lina came back to Miami and didn't call me.
Yeah, Oprah and Gayle went through something like this.
A few years ago, Oprah was super busy launching the Oxygen network, and Gayle was really feeling it, so I suggested they spend some quality time together at Colonial House.
One night was all they needed to get their friendship back on track.
Would you and Lina be open to something like that? Thanks, Dad, but I think I'll just talk to her.
MATEO: Can somebody wipe me? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Pass.
Fine.
I'm sorry, I know it was just supposed to be the two of us.
Oh, no need to apologize.
I'm just glad you two are so happy.
We are.
But do you think we're moving too fast? Do you? I-I don't know.
Maybe.
So talk to Dad about it.
I want to, but every time I try, we just end up having sex.
Yeah oh, didn't need to know that.
And just try again.
I mean, you can wait five minutes.
Ha.
Speaking of sex, I have to go get dressed.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So she can get undressed.
That's right, it's almost time to Netflix and chill.
You know that this was based on a true story.
There really was a Queen Elizabeth.
Is.
There still is one.
Hmm? Doesn't matter.
You know, I actually was hoping that maybe tonight we could do a little less Netflixing and a little more chilling.
(both moaning) Mm, stop.
We should stop.
Why? Well, I'm, um, sort of saving myself.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Surprise.
You're a virgin? No, no.
I've had sex.
Oh.
Lots of sex.
All kinds of sex.
Monogamous sex, freaky sex, kinky sex, hate sex, love/hate sex, ex sex, fan sex, cougar sex, Halloween sex Okay, I get it.
(chuckles) But after a while, it just became meaningless.
So I decided no more.
I'm gonna wait.
Mm until it's? A meaningful commitment.
Maybe even marriage.
(wind blowing) Got it.
That's so cool.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Brr.
Is it me, or did it get pretty Netflix and chilly in here? Seriously, how did I find the one Telenovela sex symbol that doesn't want a fling? - (sighs) It's not funny, Mom.
- (door opens) Good morning.
Mom, I got to go.
Abuela, you know the rules.
Only 15 minutes of newspapers a day, and never alone in your room.
Yes, things are bad, I know.
You should march with me.
Oh, I know something that'll cheer you up.
Fabian won't have sex with me because he's re-virginized himself.
I-I don't know, we didn't get that far.
I was so surprised.
Anyway, I'm gonna end it.
What? (clears throat) No.
It's because we have nothing in common.
And where did you learn that term? Me? We just want different things.
(Mateo laughing) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw, just look at him, Jane.
If you don't give him a chance, I will.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Mateo was just teaching me the proper way to ride an ant.
You have to hold on to his antenna.
- Like this.
- Ah.
Oh, well, I hate to break up the party, but it's time to go home.
- So go say bye to Papa.
- (grunts) (chuckles) Mwah.
Don't worry, I introduced myself as Rogelio's friend, not yours.
I know how important it is to have boundaries with kids.
I have a little niece, and she's my very best friend.
See? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Geez, Jane, puppies.
What else does the guy need to do? He's perfect.
So when are we getting together again? I'm-I'm glad you asked.
Uh, sometimes when women hear that I don't want to have sex, they don't want to see me again.
You're kidding.
Ugh, people are the worst.
(chuckles) Fabian, we're ready for you in the dining room set.
Okay.
Well, I'll text you after I'm finished climbing the giant candelabra.
- Okay.
- (both chuckle) (sighs) (sensual music plays) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Eyes up, Jane.
I know that look.
(sighs) And I know that look, too.
It's piney Rafael.
I haven't seen him in years.
I'll see you soon.
- Take care.
- Bye.
Who was that? Mm, the lawyer I hired to represent Anezka.
You're helping your sister? The same woman who paralyzed you and tried to steal your life? Okay, yes, Anezka did some horrible things, but she's no murderer.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oof, that's a pretty low bar there.
Besides, she would have never killed Scott.
She loved him for whatever reason.
That might be true.
But that's not why you're helping her.
Fine.
Also it might be me in that video threatening to kill Scott.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Some of you might find this surprising.
I knew it as soon as I saw it.
I have a lot of experience with twins.
Petra and Anezka look nothing alike to me.
I just wanted them to end their ridiculous relationship and get Anezka to leave.
Tell me what happened.
Everything.
I'd had enough, so I fired him.
Effective immediately.
Are you forgetting I have Emilio's will? (scoffs) Rafael told his sister, you idiot, it's meaningless.
Now hand over your work phone and get out of here.
Then I texted Anezka from his phone and ended their relationship.
Later that night, I slipped a little something in Anezka's drink just to help her sleep.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Also known as drugging her.
And then I made it clear to Scott that Anezka didn't want to be with him anymore.
ANEZKA: No! I hate you! I wish you were dead! Never come near me again! My plan would've worked perfectly.
Except then Scott had to go die and ruin everything.
May he rest in peace.
So you've been lying to the police this whole time? I mean high-level, yes, but it only became relevant when they ruled it a murder.
Look, I kept the truth from you because I didn't want to ask you to lie for me, not when you're on probation.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, wipe that dopey look off your face.
She said she doesn't want you to go back to jail, not have another baby with you.
I just need them to stop focusing on my sister.
She couldn't have killed him, she was drugged in my penthouse.
It must've been someone else.
I have a P.
I.
I'll put him on it.
- (door opens) - CHUCK: Hey, babe.
Ready for lunch? Yes, great.
CHUCK: I'm telling you, that pretty boy wants to get in them shorts.
Oh, stop.
You're being ridiculous.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He's not.
I know the look.
Yup.
There it is again.
Come on, Jane, you can do this.
- Remember, sex is off the table.
- WAITER: All righty, mateys! Something to nibble as your night begins.
That pirate reminds me of the time (voice fades): that my sister convinced me (sensual music plays) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, come on, Jane, that's so not sexy.
And I love nachos.
Well, you're a mom, what do you think? Hmm? What? Yeah.
Um I completely agree.
You agree that I'm going to Mexico next month? Maybe.
(chuckles) Come, Jane.
What's on your mind? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Think of something, quick, Jane! Lina.
My best friend Lina is in town and things are awkward.
(sneezes) (sensual music plays) (blows nose) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, this is just ridiculous.
Wiping your nose is never cute.
Oh.
Perhaps I spoke too soon.
Oh, right on time.
And I pushed back our dinner so we can make love first.
Well, can we actually just talk? And I love you and want to be with you, but I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.
I don't either, trust me.
And we've always moved so fast.
I mean, we said âI love youâ on Beach Day in high school after dating for a week.
And it was true, I did love you.
And I love you now.
And I've spent the last three years adjusting to life without you.
And it wasn't as good.
So we can slow down if that's what you want.
But for my part, we're not moving fast enough.
- Is that all? - Mm-hmm.
This is America.
You should learn how to speak English.
Ay.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: We all are, Alba.
We all are.
We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Dang, Alba's getting all P.
C.
on us.
Probably none.
Ay.
You should do something.
You clearly want to.
You should march.
Why not? It won't.
Ay.
(doorbell rings) That must be Lina.
- Hola.
- Ah! You can look at my reflection in the ring, so you don't have to pick.
(Alba and Lina chuckle) - So where's Danny? - (both chuckle) - Oh, he couldn't come.
- That's too bad.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm.
If this is like riding a bike, the bike is missing its handlebars.
And both wheels.
Hi, Mr.
Sweetface! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Hi, Mateo! Oh, my gosh, you are so grown up.
Look, I brought you a present.
Oh.
I don't know you, and Mommy says not to take gifts from strangers.
(both chuckle nervously) Hey, Lina's not a stranger, she's your godmother.
Then why don't I know her? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Awkward.
Let's get out of here, Jane.
- Okay! Why are we still standing here? - Yeah.
Let's come on in.
Have you set a date yet? - No, not yet.
- Oh.
- But definitely in the fall.
- Mm.
I'm not doing bridesmaids or anything like that.
No, I mean I wasn't (chuckles) But, yeah.
Fall is fun.
So tell me all about Danny.
You met online? An app actually.
- Bumble.
- Hmm.
Oh, it's pretty cool.
The girls contact the guys, so it weeds out any weirdos stalking you.
You should try it.
When you're ready to date.
Oh.
I am, actually.
Dating.
Oh, wow.
- Yay! - I mean But, I mean, no one seriously.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Well, here, l-let me show you.
I-I still have it on my phone.
I just pooped and you don't even have to check my wipe.
- Oh! Yes, I do.
- (phone chimes) Timmy says checking is just for babies.
Well, Timmy is LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A dick.
Wrong.
So let's go.
Wait, Jane.
Danny just texted.
It's terrible timing, but this date just opened up at this wedding venue that was supposedly booked, and his mom just got us a last-minute appointment.
- You're leaving? - I don't want to.
I'd beg them to move it, but there's just no other time, and we have a cake tasting at 8:00, and I leave tomorrow morning, so No, of course, I get it.
Go.
I have a tush to wipe anyway.
Okay.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'll text you.
Mm-hmm.
(softly): Okay.
Whatever, I'm not waiting by the phone.
(phone chimes) It's Fabian.
(laughs) So, how's that, how's that going? Honestly, I'm like this weird horndog around him.
It's all I think about.
Yeah.
It's hard dating someone who doesn't put out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, how'd you do it? Well, I gave myself carpal tunnel, for one thing.
Oh, my God.
I can give you a list of the Web sites I used.
Be serious! I am being serious.
But I loved you, right? So, I always knew you were worth waiting for.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw.
(chuckles) Well, I don't love Fabian.
(Petra talking indistinctly) Raf? - Hmm? - (mocking): Huh? Oh, sor yeah, so just, uh, find a way to take Fabian's looks off the table.
What's with the piney look? You were just staring at Petra with this piney look.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hate to say I told you so.
What's going on? And I just had this moment, when I was looking at her, and I don't know.
It was like, everything changed.
And, suddenly, I thought, maybe what I've been looking for has been right in front of me this whole time.
I mean, maybe we just went on this whole crazy journey just to find our way back to each other.
Sorry, I'm, I'm I'm just LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Shocked? Jealous? A little of both? Surprised, that's all.
I know.
I was surprised, too.
But I think I really want to be with her.
What is it? Nothing.
Just say it.
Drop some judgment on me.
Come on, I'm asking for it.
You think you want to be with her, or you know? Because it took her a long time to get over you.
And as someone who cares about Petra But do not tell her that unless it's Saturday brunch I don't want to see her get hurt again.
So just be sure.
Before you open everything up again.
That's all.
I know it's just something you say when you're a kid, but I honestly thought Lina and I would be best friends forever.
Hmm? (inhales) Okay.
How do I look? That was a trick question.
It doesn't matter.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good point? Where are they going? JANE: This is fun, right? FABIAN: Uh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Is it weird? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Very weird.
Where are we? No, it's great.
I've always wanted to try this.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Try what? Seriously? What's going on? - Ow.
- Are you okay? I just banged my tooth with my spoon.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, I know.
They are Yup.
It's the perfect place for Jane to get to know the real Fabian.
So, have you read anything good lately? Oh, yeah.
I love magazines.
Plus, my scripts.
Hey, I bet you're a real reader.
You like books and stuff, right? Yeah.
I like books and stuff.
Ow.
I poked myself with my fork.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right, I've had enough of this.
We need to see.
Uh, so are you reading anything now? Uh, well, because of everything that's going on, Orwell.
The popcorn guy? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: It's okay, Jane.
You can roll your eyes.
He can't see.
(phone chimes) MAN: Hey! Turn that off.
WOMAN: No phones in here.
Hey, I couldn't help but notice your, your face in your phone glow.
You seem sad.
What's wrong? It's my friend Lina.
I just have to accept that things have changed for us.
It's like my Abuela says, in times of crisis, you learn who your real friends are.
No! A real friendship is worth fighting for.
Look, I haven't known you for that long, but you talk about Lina a lot.
You should talk to her.
She's leaving tomorrow.
That means you still got tonight.
Go to her! Don't let her leave town without telling her how you really feel.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Spoken like a true Telenovela star.
- (phone rings) - And speaking of Telenovela stars Okay, I hope you're excited, because I can't wait to show you this house.
It's perfect.
XIOMARA: I'm sorry, but I have to cancel.
I've come down with something and I'm home in bed, sick.
Oh.
So, you are home, in bed, sick right now? Yep.
I'm just lying under the covers, feeling terrible.
Oh, well, I'll just, uh, call the Realtor and ask if we can reschedule.
Feel better.
PETRA: Wait, what? ELVIS: I said, I reviewed all their evidence, and I also analyzed the graphic residue on the missing page of the burn book through a light box.
Got it.
Sorry, I'm just so used to seeing you as an incompetent maintenance man, this whole P.
I.
thing is just a little much to wrap my mind around.
Just tell her what you told me.
There was some writing in the corner that Scott erased.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, J.
P.
? As in the elusive mystery person the cops have been looking for? - Shake him down? - Yeah.
Definitely doesn't sound good.
Bar's in Pensacola.
I'll head over this weekend to check it out.
We identify J.
P.
, then we drop an anonymous tip to the cops, let them do the rest.
Perfect.
Thank you.
This is good.
Right? A way to get your sister off and not implicate you.
This J.
P.
could be our answer.
What? And in that moment, friends, she was reminded of what Chuck said.
I'm telling you, that pretty boy wants to get in them shorts.
(sighs) Uh, I'm sure this is a stupid question, but do you have feelings for me? Like romantic feelings.
And in that moment, friends, he was reminded of what Jane said.
Just be sure.
What? No.
- Of course not.
- Oh, oh.
Phew.
Okay, good.
- (laughs) - Good.
(both laugh) Mmm.
That's so good.
WAITER: I'm sorry, we're closed for a private event.
Oh, she just wants to speak to her very best friend Lina.
Jane? Surprise.
What are you doing here? - Uh - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, this really hot Telenovela star said to run to you.
Well, I knew you were leaving town tomorrow, and I just wanted to meet Danny before you left.
Hi, Danny, I'm Jane.
- Hi.
I've heard so much about you.
- Oh.
Would you like to stay? - Yes! - Oh, no, no, no.
This is your cake testing.
Yes, we'd love to, I love cake.
We shouldn't have come.
No, no, no.
- No, we should go.
- Ay, don't be ridiculous.
There's no way they could eat this much cake.
No, stay, for sure.
(sighs) FABIAN: Danny, let's let - the ladies catch up.
- Where are you from? Who are your enemies? Uh, no one? And I'm from New York.
I'm sorry for all of this.
I I just felt like it was really weird earlier.
I know, it was.
DANNY: I had a great meeting with our Miami office when Lina and I were in town last June.
Wait.
Wait, you were here in June? Just for a couple days.
You didn't call me then, either? FABIAN: W-Well, at least she called you Th-this time, right? Right? Oh, I feel like such an idiot.
No, no.
I've been chasing after you, and you obviously don't want to be friends.
Of course I do.
- You disappeared.
- That's not fair, I moved.
That's not what I'm talking about and you know it.
Yes.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Who is this guy? Oh, uh, Fabian.
And we're dating.
No, we are just getting to know each other.
Can we talk about this in the bathroom? Fine.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, so where were we? I did not abandon you.
I saw you every week that first year.
The second year was even harder.
You could've tried to stay in touch.
- I did try.
- No, you didn't.
After you met Danny, you stopped calling.
That's not what happened.
Okay, so? I called you at first.
And then Danny and I had our first fight, about a month in, about something stupid.
He, he was in touch with his ex-girlfriend, and I remember, I called you then, too.
And you said It's all insignificant in the big picture.
I mean, I'd give anything to have one more fight with Michael.
Yeah.
That, that's a good point.
Oh, my God.
I didn't really say that.
I mean, I get it.
In the scheme of things No, no.
You were, you were falling in love, you were living.
I just, I really didn't know how to be upset around you in a regular way.
Or happy around you.
And I really wanted to be happy.
I'd waited so long for my life to click together, and finally it was.
No.
I get it.
(sniffles) I'm sorry.
No, you shouldn't be sorry.
I'm just so glad you're happy, and I want to share that with you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw.
How sweet.
Sisterhood.
Shut your mouth, beautiful sister.
They want information, I'm giving them you in his apartment.
Stop, just calm down, okay? I've hired a P.
I.
, he's following a lead, - I-I just need some time.
- Sister! I have hearing Monday on plea deal.
I need to get out of here.
And you will.
I-I just, I need until tiln.
Okay? I'll call you tomorrow with an update.
Oh, I have to call Rafael, get the P.
I.
to head out now.
Ah, screw Rafael.
Let's not wait on him.
Let's you and me drive to Pensacola, find this J.
P.
guy ourselves.
But why? Rafael has a professional.
Oh, Solano, don't make me spell it out for you.
You never need help, woman.
And now you do.
And I want to be the guy that helps you.
Uh, l-let's do it.
JANE: I can't believe that was your first kiss.
I know.
(both laugh) Okay.
Can we talk about Fabian now? Oh, my God, so not a match.
I'm gonna need you to show me Bumble again.
Find some real options.
Wait, why isn't he a real option? He's waiting to have sex and I just want a fling.
Okay.
I find both shocking.
(giggles) Waiting how long? Oh, until things are serious, and trust me, it's not going to get serious.
How do you know? He's too Hot? Sweet? Happy? No, we're just really different.
He doesn't read.
Neither do I.
(laughs) I mean, I'm just saying, on paper, you and I don't have much in common.
So don't write him off just because you two are different.
People surprise you.
(laughs) And I like happy for you.
I'm just That's all I'm saying.
I like it for you, too.
Okay, why do we always end up on the bathroom floor? - Oh, I don't know.
- I don't But I'm glad that we always do.
I don't want to say it to you.
Okay.
It's hard sometimes.
This is America.
You should learn how to speak English.
¿S� So, Daddy called because he said you're upset about something.
Yeah.
Why do some people not want Bisa in this country? Well, that's actually a really good question and a really hard question because this country was founded by people who came from all over, like your great-grandma, because they dreamed of a better life with more opportunity.
But some people, well, they can't see that, and that's just a stinky, old fact.
That is stinky.
But no one is taking Bisa away, so you don't have to worry about that at all, okay? Okay.
Come on, Mr.
Sweetface, let's go change you before bed.
(grunts) Kiss.
(phone beeps) (Jane chuckles) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: âChuck and Iâ? Ouch.
Hmm? Rogelio.
I'm sorry for canceling on you and lying to you.
I just realized that I wanted to do things differently this time.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm going to faint.
Who knew when we first said âI love youâ on Beach Day I love you, Xiomara.
I love you, too, Rogelio.
That we'd end up here.
(sighs) We've been through so much together and so much without each other.
And life is beautiful and hard, and the only thing I know for sure is that I want to go through it all with you.
I had Botox this morning, so the tears are struggling to fall, but I feel them.
It belonged to my father.
Rogelio de la Vega, will you marry me? (chuckles) Yes, yes, of course I will.
(cries) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw, what can I say? Every single time these two get engaged, it gets me.
All right, let's keep this romance train rolling.
Jane.
I'm so happy you're here.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Come on, give him a try, Jane.
Try to get to know him.
Well, our date was interrupted, so I'm just really glad that you made up with your friend Lina.
Friendship is everything to me.
That's a really great quality.
(chuckles) I thought you said you never read 1984.
I hadn't, but after our conversation I bought it.
I'm almost finished.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Like I said, people can surprise you.
How do you not have a corkscrew? Well, I had it.
I just lost it when I was drunk.
Your album? You can't just throw that out there.
You sing? Are you good? No, I'm terrible, but that doesn't matter when you're famous.
It's all sound engineers, I swear.
Sing this next verse.
(off-key): Mi corazón en fuego Tus labios deseo.
Yes! - Victory.
- Wow.
You really are amazing at checkers.
So, yeah, I waited until marriage and I'm glad that I did, but now Things are different.
I understand.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is it just me, or does this sort of feel like one of those nights? So, have you ever been in love? Once but then I got famous and people became different.
That's why I decided to put sex on the back burner for a while to prioritize what I really want love.
Plus, I wanted to get in better with the big guy.
Jesus.
(laughs) I love your laugh.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You know, the kind that goes on forever.
Well, who knows? But it certainly was a night of possibilities for some people.
Hi, you've reached Petra Solano.
Please leave a message.
(voice mail beeps) Hey, um look, I know when you asked me before, I denied it, but the truth is I do have feelings for you.
And I know you are with Chuck but I don't know, I guess I'm calling because I wanted to say, before it's too late, that you shouldn't be.
You should be with me.
I loved Scott.
Like I be telling you, I wouldn't kill him.
I would want to kill whoever killed him.
Rip them to pieces.
Ooh, that's enough.
So, there's nothing you're not telling us? Scott's burn book mentioned someone named J.
P.
Do those initials mean anything to you? Oh, you mean Jerky Pants? What? J.
P.
is short for Jerky Pants.
It's what we used to call the horrible man who wanted to buy hotel next door because he was always eating jerky of the gators.
Wait.
Chuck Chesser is J.
P.
? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, no, but Chuck is with Like I said, people can surprise you.
Yeah, quite a kiss.
The kind of kiss you can't wait to tell your best friend about.
In Jane's case, that would be Lina, although we haven't seen her lately.
Hmm.
Anyway, also feeling lovey-dovey Ro and Xo, because they recently got back together.
And they weren't the only ones.
Remember Rafael and Petra's night of passion? Well, after, Rafael started having feelings for her.
(knock on door) Unfortunately, Petra was dating Chuck Chesser, the owner of the hotel next door.
And trust me, there was a lot of drama there, because a body was found right between their properties.
Yep, it was Scott.
You remember Scott, right? - - Sort of annoying, kept a burn book, - - always blackmailing people.
- - Married to Petra's twin sister, Anezka.
Anyway, fast-forward three years.
He's dead, and Anezka was arrested for his murder.
And Petra was freaking out because You better fix this, or I will tell them all that I know, and then you, sister, will be in orange jumpsuit with me.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know, straight out of a Telenovela, right? Which this is, after all.
When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 14 years old, she went on her very first date.
Well, double date.
Kiss him.
(whispering): I don't think he likes me.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: See? People can surprise you.
I never said it was going to be a good surprise.
Nope.
No way this was going to be Jane's first kiss The one she dreamed about forever.
- - JANE: It's gonna be my first fling.
Fabian is perfect fling material.
I'm definitely not into dating him, but, oh, he is the hottest guy I have ever seen.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to say no to that body.
Are they shooting the tighty-whities scene? How did you know that? I saw it on Dad's script and made a mental note in my sex brain.
Wow, you are really ready for this.
Totally ready.
He's perfect.
- DIRECTOR: Cut! - Okay, I got to go.
Your dad and I are gonna grab lunch.
Wait.
I miss you.
Maybe we can have dinner tonight.
But tonight is Fabian fling night.
Exactly.
I'm meeting him at 9:00 to Netflix and chill, - so that means - XIOMARA: Sex.
I know.
I'm not your Abuela.
I'll come over for dinner.
See you tonight.
Lina? Jane! Uh I didn't know you were in town.
Yeah, it was a last-minute trip.
Two days to do some wedding stuff.
Right.
Yeah.
I was literally about to text you.
- Oh.
- Ju Yeah.
Well, here I am.
Surprise! (chuckles weakly) - So let's see the ring.
- Yeah.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I should explain.
These two haven't seen each other in quite a while.
Almost two years, to be exact.
And in that time, a lot has changed for Lina.
Yeah, that's been their main source of communication ever since Lina moved away.
Oh, wow, - it's even better in person.
- Thank you.
I was literally about to text you.
Yeah, you said that already.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So sad, right? These two were like sisters.
No, sister, I didn't kill Scott! LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Like regular sisters, I meant, not like these two.
I loved him.
You know that.
So you better fix this, or I will tell everyone that you were in his apartment that night, and you stole his burn book.
I was only in his apartment to get your clothes, because you asked me to.
I didn't know he was dead.
Maybe you did this.
Maybe you killed him.
You always hated him.
That's ridiculous.
Stop it.
Did you do it? Of course not.
I-I loved him.
Then why did you threaten him? The police say they have a video.
Apparently a guest sent it to them.
What? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I've seen the video.
It's pretty bad.
No.
I hate you! I wish you were dead.
Never come near me again! Did you kill him? No! No, I couldn't have I don't think.
Okay, we have to go over everything that happened that day Everything you can remember.
You guys were in a fight? Yes, yes, he was flirting with a waitress.
I got very jealous.
Scott was mad.
He hated when I would get jealous, but I can't help it.
In the orphanage, you always have to look out for your bread and your boyfriend.
That night, Anezka Yes, I I got a text.
He was breaking up with me.
I texted him back But he said no.
And that's when you found me.
PETRA: Oh, no, - you poor thing.
- (crying) Let me help you.
I could get you out on the first flight tomorrow.
I'll pack up your things.
That way you don't have to see Scott again.
- No - No, no, really, it's it's not a problem.
You should just go.
ANEZKA: And then we be going back to your penthouse, and I be drinking my sorrows away.
And that's all I remember.
I fall asleep on couch.
Well, you're on a video, so you must have gone back out after I went back to work.
I was so drunk, I can't remember.
But no, I couldn't have killed him.
No, I loved him.
Oh, you know how much I loved him.
Please, beautiful sister, you have to fix this.
JANE: I want to fix it, of course, but I just can't believe Lina came back to Miami and didn't call me.
Yeah, Oprah and Gayle went through something like this.
A few years ago, Oprah was super busy launching the Oxygen network, and Gayle was really feeling it, so I suggested they spend some quality time together at Colonial House.
One night was all they needed to get their friendship back on track.
Would you and Lina be open to something like that? Thanks, Dad, but I think I'll just talk to her.
MATEO: Can somebody wipe me? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Pass.
Fine.
I'm sorry, I know it was just supposed to be the two of us.
Oh, no need to apologize.
I'm just glad you two are so happy.
We are.
But do you think we're moving too fast? Do you? I-I don't know.
Maybe.
So talk to Dad about it.
I want to, but every time I try, we just end up having sex.
Yeah oh, didn't need to know that.
And just try again.
I mean, you can wait five minutes.
Ha.
Speaking of sex, I have to go get dressed.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So she can get undressed.
That's right, it's almost time to Netflix and chill.
You know that this was based on a true story.
There really was a Queen Elizabeth.
Is.
There still is one.
Hmm? Doesn't matter.
You know, I actually was hoping that maybe tonight we could do a little less Netflixing and a little more chilling.
(both moaning) Mm, stop.
We should stop.
Why? Well, I'm, um, sort of saving myself.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Surprise.
You're a virgin? No, no.
I've had sex.
Oh.
Lots of sex.
All kinds of sex.
Monogamous sex, freaky sex, kinky sex, hate sex, love/hate sex, ex sex, fan sex, cougar sex, Halloween sex Okay, I get it.
(chuckles) But after a while, it just became meaningless.
So I decided no more.
I'm gonna wait.
Mm until it's? A meaningful commitment.
Maybe even marriage.
(wind blowing) Got it.
That's so cool.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Brr.
Is it me, or did it get pretty Netflix and chilly in here? Seriously, how did I find the one Telenovela sex symbol that doesn't want a fling? - (sighs) It's not funny, Mom.
- (door opens) Good morning.
Mom, I got to go.
Abuela, you know the rules.
Only 15 minutes of newspapers a day, and never alone in your room.
Yes, things are bad, I know.
You should march with me.
Oh, I know something that'll cheer you up.
Fabian won't have sex with me because he's re-virginized himself.
I-I don't know, we didn't get that far.
I was so surprised.
Anyway, I'm gonna end it.
What? (clears throat) No.
It's because we have nothing in common.
And where did you learn that term? Me? We just want different things.
(Mateo laughing) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw, just look at him, Jane.
If you don't give him a chance, I will.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Mateo was just teaching me the proper way to ride an ant.
You have to hold on to his antenna.
- Like this.
- Ah.
Oh, well, I hate to break up the party, but it's time to go home.
- So go say bye to Papa.
- (grunts) (chuckles) Mwah.
Don't worry, I introduced myself as Rogelio's friend, not yours.
I know how important it is to have boundaries with kids.
I have a little niece, and she's my very best friend.
See? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Geez, Jane, puppies.
What else does the guy need to do? He's perfect.
So when are we getting together again? I'm-I'm glad you asked.
Uh, sometimes when women hear that I don't want to have sex, they don't want to see me again.
You're kidding.
Ugh, people are the worst.
(chuckles) Fabian, we're ready for you in the dining room set.
Okay.
Well, I'll text you after I'm finished climbing the giant candelabra.
- Okay.
- (both chuckle) (sighs) (sensual music plays) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Eyes up, Jane.
I know that look.
(sighs) And I know that look, too.
It's piney Rafael.
I haven't seen him in years.
I'll see you soon.
- Take care.
- Bye.
Who was that? Mm, the lawyer I hired to represent Anezka.
You're helping your sister? The same woman who paralyzed you and tried to steal your life? Okay, yes, Anezka did some horrible things, but she's no murderer.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oof, that's a pretty low bar there.
Besides, she would have never killed Scott.
She loved him for whatever reason.
That might be true.
But that's not why you're helping her.
Fine.
Also it might be me in that video threatening to kill Scott.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Some of you might find this surprising.
I knew it as soon as I saw it.
I have a lot of experience with twins.
Petra and Anezka look nothing alike to me.
I just wanted them to end their ridiculous relationship and get Anezka to leave.
Tell me what happened.
Everything.
I'd had enough, so I fired him.
Effective immediately.
Are you forgetting I have Emilio's will? (scoffs) Rafael told his sister, you idiot, it's meaningless.
Now hand over your work phone and get out of here.
Then I texted Anezka from his phone and ended their relationship.
Later that night, I slipped a little something in Anezka's drink just to help her sleep.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Also known as drugging her.
And then I made it clear to Scott that Anezka didn't want to be with him anymore.
ANEZKA: No! I hate you! I wish you were dead! Never come near me again! My plan would've worked perfectly.
Except then Scott had to go die and ruin everything.
May he rest in peace.
So you've been lying to the police this whole time? I mean high-level, yes, but it only became relevant when they ruled it a murder.
Look, I kept the truth from you because I didn't want to ask you to lie for me, not when you're on probation.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, wipe that dopey look off your face.
She said she doesn't want you to go back to jail, not have another baby with you.
I just need them to stop focusing on my sister.
She couldn't have killed him, she was drugged in my penthouse.
It must've been someone else.
I have a P.
I.
I'll put him on it.
- (door opens) - CHUCK: Hey, babe.
Ready for lunch? Yes, great.
CHUCK: I'm telling you, that pretty boy wants to get in them shorts.
Oh, stop.
You're being ridiculous.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He's not.
I know the look.
Yup.
There it is again.
Come on, Jane, you can do this.
- Remember, sex is off the table.
- WAITER: All righty, mateys! Something to nibble as your night begins.
That pirate reminds me of the time (voice fades): that my sister convinced me (sensual music plays) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, come on, Jane, that's so not sexy.
And I love nachos.
Well, you're a mom, what do you think? Hmm? What? Yeah.
Um I completely agree.
You agree that I'm going to Mexico next month? Maybe.
(chuckles) Come, Jane.
What's on your mind? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Think of something, quick, Jane! Lina.
My best friend Lina is in town and things are awkward.
(sneezes) (sensual music plays) (blows nose) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, this is just ridiculous.
Wiping your nose is never cute.
Oh.
Perhaps I spoke too soon.
Oh, right on time.
And I pushed back our dinner so we can make love first.
Well, can we actually just talk? And I love you and want to be with you, but I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.
I don't either, trust me.
And we've always moved so fast.
I mean, we said âI love youâ on Beach Day in high school after dating for a week.
And it was true, I did love you.
And I love you now.
And I've spent the last three years adjusting to life without you.
And it wasn't as good.
So we can slow down if that's what you want.
But for my part, we're not moving fast enough.
- Is that all? - Mm-hmm.
This is America.
You should learn how to speak English.
Ay.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: We all are, Alba.
We all are.
We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Dang, Alba's getting all P.
C.
on us.
Probably none.
Ay.
You should do something.
You clearly want to.
You should march.
Why not? It won't.
Ay.
(doorbell rings) That must be Lina.
- Hola.
- Ah! You can look at my reflection in the ring, so you don't have to pick.
(Alba and Lina chuckle) - So where's Danny? - (both chuckle) - Oh, he couldn't come.
- That's too bad.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm.
If this is like riding a bike, the bike is missing its handlebars.
And both wheels.
Hi, Mr.
Sweetface! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
Hi, Mateo! Oh, my gosh, you are so grown up.
Look, I brought you a present.
Oh.
I don't know you, and Mommy says not to take gifts from strangers.
(both chuckle nervously) Hey, Lina's not a stranger, she's your godmother.
Then why don't I know her? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Awkward.
Let's get out of here, Jane.
- Okay! Why are we still standing here? - Yeah.
Let's come on in.
Have you set a date yet? - No, not yet.
- Oh.
- But definitely in the fall.
- Mm.
I'm not doing bridesmaids or anything like that.
No, I mean I wasn't (chuckles) But, yeah.
Fall is fun.
So tell me all about Danny.
You met online? An app actually.
- Bumble.
- Hmm.
Oh, it's pretty cool.
The girls contact the guys, so it weeds out any weirdos stalking you.
You should try it.
When you're ready to date.
Oh.
I am, actually.
Dating.
Oh, wow.
- Yay! - I mean But, I mean, no one seriously.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Well, here, l-let me show you.
I-I still have it on my phone.
I just pooped and you don't even have to check my wipe.
- Oh! Yes, I do.
- (phone chimes) Timmy says checking is just for babies.
Well, Timmy is LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A dick.
Wrong.
So let's go.
Wait, Jane.
Danny just texted.
It's terrible timing, but this date just opened up at this wedding venue that was supposedly booked, and his mom just got us a last-minute appointment.
- You're leaving? - I don't want to.
I'd beg them to move it, but there's just no other time, and we have a cake tasting at 8:00, and I leave tomorrow morning, so No, of course, I get it.
Go.
I have a tush to wipe anyway.
Okay.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'll text you.
Mm-hmm.
(softly): Okay.
Whatever, I'm not waiting by the phone.
(phone chimes) It's Fabian.
(laughs) So, how's that, how's that going? Honestly, I'm like this weird horndog around him.
It's all I think about.
Yeah.
It's hard dating someone who doesn't put out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, how'd you do it? Well, I gave myself carpal tunnel, for one thing.
Oh, my God.
I can give you a list of the Web sites I used.
Be serious! I am being serious.
But I loved you, right? So, I always knew you were worth waiting for.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw.
(chuckles) Well, I don't love Fabian.
(Petra talking indistinctly) Raf? - Hmm? - (mocking): Huh? Oh, sor yeah, so just, uh, find a way to take Fabian's looks off the table.
What's with the piney look? You were just staring at Petra with this piney look.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hate to say I told you so.
What's going on? And I just had this moment, when I was looking at her, and I don't know.
It was like, everything changed.
And, suddenly, I thought, maybe what I've been looking for has been right in front of me this whole time.
I mean, maybe we just went on this whole crazy journey just to find our way back to each other.
Sorry, I'm, I'm I'm just LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Shocked? Jealous? A little of both? Surprised, that's all.
I know.
I was surprised, too.
But I think I really want to be with her.
What is it? Nothing.
Just say it.
Drop some judgment on me.
Come on, I'm asking for it.
You think you want to be with her, or you know? Because it took her a long time to get over you.
And as someone who cares about Petra But do not tell her that unless it's Saturday brunch I don't want to see her get hurt again.
So just be sure.
Before you open everything up again.
That's all.
I know it's just something you say when you're a kid, but I honestly thought Lina and I would be best friends forever.
Hmm? (inhales) Okay.
How do I look? That was a trick question.
It doesn't matter.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good point? Where are they going? JANE: This is fun, right? FABIAN: Uh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Is it weird? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Very weird.
Where are we? No, it's great.
I've always wanted to try this.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Try what? Seriously? What's going on? - Ow.
- Are you okay? I just banged my tooth with my spoon.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, I know.
They are Yup.
It's the perfect place for Jane to get to know the real Fabian.
So, have you read anything good lately? Oh, yeah.
I love magazines.
Plus, my scripts.
Hey, I bet you're a real reader.
You like books and stuff, right? Yeah.
I like books and stuff.
Ow.
I poked myself with my fork.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right, I've had enough of this.
We need to see.
Uh, so are you reading anything now? Uh, well, because of everything that's going on, Orwell.
The popcorn guy? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: It's okay, Jane.
You can roll your eyes.
He can't see.
(phone chimes) MAN: Hey! Turn that off.
WOMAN: No phones in here.
Hey, I couldn't help but notice your, your face in your phone glow.
You seem sad.
What's wrong? It's my friend Lina.
I just have to accept that things have changed for us.
It's like my Abuela says, in times of crisis, you learn who your real friends are.
No! A real friendship is worth fighting for.
Look, I haven't known you for that long, but you talk about Lina a lot.
You should talk to her.
She's leaving tomorrow.
That means you still got tonight.
Go to her! Don't let her leave town without telling her how you really feel.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Spoken like a true Telenovela star.
- (phone rings) - And speaking of Telenovela stars Okay, I hope you're excited, because I can't wait to show you this house.
It's perfect.
XIOMARA: I'm sorry, but I have to cancel.
I've come down with something and I'm home in bed, sick.
Oh.
So, you are home, in bed, sick right now? Yep.
I'm just lying under the covers, feeling terrible.
Oh, well, I'll just, uh, call the Realtor and ask if we can reschedule.
Feel better.
PETRA: Wait, what? ELVIS: I said, I reviewed all their evidence, and I also analyzed the graphic residue on the missing page of the burn book through a light box.
Got it.
Sorry, I'm just so used to seeing you as an incompetent maintenance man, this whole P.
I.
thing is just a little much to wrap my mind around.
Just tell her what you told me.
There was some writing in the corner that Scott erased.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, J.
P.
? As in the elusive mystery person the cops have been looking for? - Shake him down? - Yeah.
Definitely doesn't sound good.
Bar's in Pensacola.
I'll head over this weekend to check it out.
We identify J.
P.
, then we drop an anonymous tip to the cops, let them do the rest.
Perfect.
Thank you.
This is good.
Right? A way to get your sister off and not implicate you.
This J.
P.
could be our answer.
What? And in that moment, friends, she was reminded of what Chuck said.
I'm telling you, that pretty boy wants to get in them shorts.
(sighs) Uh, I'm sure this is a stupid question, but do you have feelings for me? Like romantic feelings.
And in that moment, friends, he was reminded of what Jane said.
Just be sure.
What? No.
- Of course not.
- Oh, oh.
Phew.
Okay, good.
- (laughs) - Good.
(both laugh) Mmm.
That's so good.
WAITER: I'm sorry, we're closed for a private event.
Oh, she just wants to speak to her very best friend Lina.
Jane? Surprise.
What are you doing here? - Uh - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, this really hot Telenovela star said to run to you.
Well, I knew you were leaving town tomorrow, and I just wanted to meet Danny before you left.
Hi, Danny, I'm Jane.
- Hi.
I've heard so much about you.
- Oh.
Would you like to stay? - Yes! - Oh, no, no, no.
This is your cake testing.
Yes, we'd love to, I love cake.
We shouldn't have come.
No, no, no.
- No, we should go.
- Ay, don't be ridiculous.
There's no way they could eat this much cake.
No, stay, for sure.
(sighs) FABIAN: Danny, let's let - the ladies catch up.
- Where are you from? Who are your enemies? Uh, no one? And I'm from New York.
I'm sorry for all of this.
I I just felt like it was really weird earlier.
I know, it was.
DANNY: I had a great meeting with our Miami office when Lina and I were in town last June.
Wait.
Wait, you were here in June? Just for a couple days.
You didn't call me then, either? FABIAN: W-Well, at least she called you Th-this time, right? Right? Oh, I feel like such an idiot.
No, no.
I've been chasing after you, and you obviously don't want to be friends.
Of course I do.
- You disappeared.
- That's not fair, I moved.
That's not what I'm talking about and you know it.
Yes.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Who is this guy? Oh, uh, Fabian.
And we're dating.
No, we are just getting to know each other.
Can we talk about this in the bathroom? Fine.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, so where were we? I did not abandon you.
I saw you every week that first year.
The second year was even harder.
You could've tried to stay in touch.
- I did try.
- No, you didn't.
After you met Danny, you stopped calling.
That's not what happened.
Okay, so? I called you at first.
And then Danny and I had our first fight, about a month in, about something stupid.
He, he was in touch with his ex-girlfriend, and I remember, I called you then, too.
And you said It's all insignificant in the big picture.
I mean, I'd give anything to have one more fight with Michael.
Yeah.
That, that's a good point.
Oh, my God.
I didn't really say that.
I mean, I get it.
In the scheme of things No, no.
You were, you were falling in love, you were living.
I just, I really didn't know how to be upset around you in a regular way.
Or happy around you.
And I really wanted to be happy.
I'd waited so long for my life to click together, and finally it was.
No.
I get it.
(sniffles) I'm sorry.
No, you shouldn't be sorry.
I'm just so glad you're happy, and I want to share that with you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw.
How sweet.
Sisterhood.
Shut your mouth, beautiful sister.
They want information, I'm giving them you in his apartment.
Stop, just calm down, okay? I've hired a P.
I.
, he's following a lead, - I-I just need some time.
- Sister! I have hearing Monday on plea deal.
I need to get out of here.
And you will.
I-I just, I need until tiln.
Okay? I'll call you tomorrow with an update.
Oh, I have to call Rafael, get the P.
I.
to head out now.
Ah, screw Rafael.
Let's not wait on him.
Let's you and me drive to Pensacola, find this J.
P.
guy ourselves.
But why? Rafael has a professional.
Oh, Solano, don't make me spell it out for you.
You never need help, woman.
And now you do.
And I want to be the guy that helps you.
Uh, l-let's do it.
JANE: I can't believe that was your first kiss.
I know.
(both laugh) Okay.
Can we talk about Fabian now? Oh, my God, so not a match.
I'm gonna need you to show me Bumble again.
Find some real options.
Wait, why isn't he a real option? He's waiting to have sex and I just want a fling.
Okay.
I find both shocking.
(giggles) Waiting how long? Oh, until things are serious, and trust me, it's not going to get serious.
How do you know? He's too Hot? Sweet? Happy? No, we're just really different.
He doesn't read.
Neither do I.
(laughs) I mean, I'm just saying, on paper, you and I don't have much in common.
So don't write him off just because you two are different.
People surprise you.
(laughs) And I like happy for you.
I'm just That's all I'm saying.
I like it for you, too.
Okay, why do we always end up on the bathroom floor? - Oh, I don't know.
- I don't But I'm glad that we always do.
I don't want to say it to you.
Okay.
It's hard sometimes.
This is America.
You should learn how to speak English.
¿S� So, Daddy called because he said you're upset about something.
Yeah.
Why do some people not want Bisa in this country? Well, that's actually a really good question and a really hard question because this country was founded by people who came from all over, like your great-grandma, because they dreamed of a better life with more opportunity.
But some people, well, they can't see that, and that's just a stinky, old fact.
That is stinky.
But no one is taking Bisa away, so you don't have to worry about that at all, okay? Okay.
Come on, Mr.
Sweetface, let's go change you before bed.
(grunts) Kiss.
(phone beeps) (Jane chuckles) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: âChuck and Iâ? Ouch.
Hmm? Rogelio.
I'm sorry for canceling on you and lying to you.
I just realized that I wanted to do things differently this time.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm going to faint.
Who knew when we first said âI love youâ on Beach Day I love you, Xiomara.
I love you, too, Rogelio.
That we'd end up here.
(sighs) We've been through so much together and so much without each other.
And life is beautiful and hard, and the only thing I know for sure is that I want to go through it all with you.
I had Botox this morning, so the tears are struggling to fall, but I feel them.
It belonged to my father.
Rogelio de la Vega, will you marry me? (chuckles) Yes, yes, of course I will.
(cries) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw, what can I say? Every single time these two get engaged, it gets me.
All right, let's keep this romance train rolling.
Jane.
I'm so happy you're here.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Come on, give him a try, Jane.
Try to get to know him.
Well, our date was interrupted, so I'm just really glad that you made up with your friend Lina.
Friendship is everything to me.
That's a really great quality.
(chuckles) I thought you said you never read 1984.
I hadn't, but after our conversation I bought it.
I'm almost finished.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Like I said, people can surprise you.
How do you not have a corkscrew? Well, I had it.
I just lost it when I was drunk.
Your album? You can't just throw that out there.
You sing? Are you good? No, I'm terrible, but that doesn't matter when you're famous.
It's all sound engineers, I swear.
Sing this next verse.
(off-key): Mi corazón en fuego Tus labios deseo.
Yes! - Victory.
- Wow.
You really are amazing at checkers.
So, yeah, I waited until marriage and I'm glad that I did, but now Things are different.
I understand.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is it just me, or does this sort of feel like one of those nights? So, have you ever been in love? Once but then I got famous and people became different.
That's why I decided to put sex on the back burner for a while to prioritize what I really want love.
Plus, I wanted to get in better with the big guy.
Jesus.
(laughs) I love your laugh.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You know, the kind that goes on forever.
Well, who knows? But it certainly was a night of possibilities for some people.
Hi, you've reached Petra Solano.
Please leave a message.
(voice mail beeps) Hey, um look, I know when you asked me before, I denied it, but the truth is I do have feelings for you.
And I know you are with Chuck but I don't know, I guess I'm calling because I wanted to say, before it's too late, that you shouldn't be.
You should be with me.
I loved Scott.
Like I be telling you, I wouldn't kill him.
I would want to kill whoever killed him.
Rip them to pieces.
Ooh, that's enough.
So, there's nothing you're not telling us? Scott's burn book mentioned someone named J.
P.
Do those initials mean anything to you? Oh, you mean Jerky Pants? What? J.
P.
is short for Jerky Pants.
It's what we used to call the horrible man who wanted to buy hotel next door because he was always eating jerky of the gators.
Wait.
Chuck Chesser is J.
P.
? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, no, but Chuck is with Like I said, people can surprise you.