Las Vegas s03e17 Episode Script
Lyle & Substance
Anthony Sirott.
Closed his bank account four hours after we gave him a 20,000-dollar line of credit.
In case you're wondering, he took off down 14 grand.
Hey, Mr.
Cannon? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm Lyle.
Lyle Nubbin.
Hey.
Yeah, they said you were over in this area.
Something I can do for you? Yeah.
I know your cousin.
Yeah? Which one? Handsome African-American gentleman-Xavier.
I met him in, uh, North Vernon, Indiana.
That's where we're both from.
Xavier.
Yeah, he's - "Pride in the past.
Faith in the future.
" That's our town motto in North Vernon.
Oh.
It's a funny name-Xavier.
Yeah.
Nice guy though.
Great guy.
Mm-hmm.
But anyhoo- Enjoy your stay.
Tell " X" I said hi.
Oh, no.
You see, I moved here.
And Xavier said you could line me up a security job here at the Montecito.
You know, I'd love to help you out there, Lyle, but we don't have any openings right now.
- Can I have one of those? - Sure.
Do you think you could autograph it? In case anyone wonders why the heck I got something that's property of the Montecito.
Tells 'em the big man okayed it.
Yeah.
Whoa! Hey, check out that hottie over there.
Surveillance.
Steve speaking.
Mace, back up camera 43 Mikey, we got a chip thief at blackjack 22.
I'll meet you there.
Gotta go, Lyle.
Any jobs open up, I'll let you know.
Oh, many thanks, Mr.
Cannon.
Hey, say, how will you find me? Uh, leave your phone number with my office.
That was actually kind of a trick question, Mr.
Cannon.
- I'm staying at the Montecito.
- Great.
Great.
I'm gonna take you to get one of those big giant hot dogs.
Excuse me.
There.
Light blue shirt.
Yeah.
Pretty good, huh? I'd like to do that again.
This belongs to you.
Hey, what's going on here? - Theft.
- Specifically, you and that chip.
I didn't steal a chip.
Call me.
! What are you doing? Sit down and shut up till the cops get here.
Wait a minute.
I have very important information.
Critical information.
About your hotel.
What about it? If you agree this information is of vital importance, do I get a walk? You don't have a whole lot of leverage here, buddy.
Like zero.
Just offer up the information and hope for the best, okay? Okay.
A guy told me this other guy said he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Thursday.
d Boy,you feelin'lucky tonight d d Roll the dice again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d You gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d Are you gonna play tonight d d'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side d d By your side By your side d d Gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride dd So a guy tells you another guy told him he's gonna blow up the Montecito tomorrow? Is tomorrow Thursday? Yeah.
Yeah, tomorrow.
And he said the bomber guy was, you know, kinda Arab-looking.
Who's the guy who told you? Where is he? This guy's just jerking us around.
Let's go.
No, I'm not! I swear.
The guy who told me- Well, I don't really know his name, because he's sort of an acquaintance.
But if you check the surveillance tape from Monday at about 1:00 in the morning, I'm sitting next to him- blackjack table closest to the west exit.
What do you got to lose? I mean, think about it.
In the grand scheme of things, what's more important- me taking one chip or this entire hotel going boom? - I'm locking you in here.
- Not a problem.
Delinda.
Yes, Gunther? This.
Have you seen it? Didn't they do a great job? Yeah, how could you not see it, huh? With the magazine ads, the posters, the TV commercials in the rooms.
Oh, yeah, you think I don't know about this? I mean, I shut my eyes, I see the Wolfgang Puck at the Montecito, even in my own restaurant, like a swarm of heuschrecken.
You know, this guy- this guy has not cooked a meal in 14 years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's too groß for his hosen.
Gunther, what do you want? I'm busy.
Delinda, this Wolfgang Puck, he gets all this publicity und acclaim, und this Gunther's restaurant gets nothing.
Helping any of the restaurants helps all of them.
They're all part of the Montecito family.
I do not speak to my family.
No, no.
I should get this- this publicity und acclaim also, ja? Or maybe a personal apology from the beautiful Delinda in my penthouse condominium, huh? Maybe you're right.
Huh? Maybe we have been underserving our existing restaurant.
Great input, Gunther.
Yeah, but this is not the input I think of.
So when jun Tek drop hot pierogi in his lap, I busting gut.
Yeah, I'll bet.
You know, he start jumping up and down like a monkey.
Morning, Ms.
Connell.
Travis, I told you.
It's Mary.
And good morning to you also.
Almost forget.
Need to thank Mary.
Hiring Travis for new masseur.
Yeah, he's quite the hunk, huh? Connie tells me that women are already starting to request him.
That not just 'cause he hunk.
What do you mean? You no hear? He provide special treatment.
Oh.
Like some kind of a new massage therapy? No.
Get them on table.
You know, visit forbidden city.
Let the fingers do walking.
Shake hands with bald man in boat.
Whole nine yard.
He- He can't do that.
Do they want him to? Girls I see no look like victim.
Look like win lotto.
Who told you this? Maybe she's pulling your leg.
More than one tell.
Three or four happy people.
Who? I'll talk to them.
All gone.
Check out yesterday.
Well, if this is really happening, I'll have to stop it.
I'll send someone in undercover so to speak.
Is that joke? Yeah, it's just- You know, he only give special treatment to hot chicks.
That's what he tell them.
What hot chick you know willing to open secret garden? Sam.
I thought you'd agree.
So, which one is justin Frank? Here on the left.
So the guy on the right, that's the guy that supposedly overheard this plot to blow up the Montecito? Right.
Look at this guy.
Sunglasses, hat.
We can't I.
D.
him.
Looks to me like some petty thief.
Turn him over to the cops.
Wait a second.
Let's just say there's a one-in-a-hundred chance this Justin guy's telling the truth.
Or one-in-a-thousand.
People are blowing up buildings these days, and all the intel that I've seen lists Vegas as a potential target.
So I just wanna make sure that we're doing our due diligence here.
I hate it when the kid's right.
Yeah, doesn't- I don't believe it.
Justin stole a chip from this guy too.
He had to have known we were gonna see it.
Why would he volunteer information that would earn him another charge? Maybe he really is trying to help.
- Funny he didn't feel like helping us till we caught him.
- Well- I know.
We'll look into it.
We will.
Gunther.
Hi.
What are you doing? Um, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm sitting here to- to, you know, Just make for judging the ambience.
When the room's empty? Well, empty is better judging.
So maybe you come back a little later, huh? No.
Listen.
I want to tell you about my new promotional idea.
Hmm? Is this the new waitress outfit you wanted me to model? It was the only thing in your office.
That's not our waitress outfit.
Well, he said that- I can imagine what he said.
You can go and change.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, well, I-I-I was only trying to have my own promotional idea.
Yeah, yeah.
Nice try.
Okay, here's what I came up with.
A contest between you and Wolfgang for Montecito restaurant supremacy.
A contest? How? How? What contest? A cook-off.
You each cook something, and we'll have judges choose which dishes are best.
Come on.
I promise you I can promote the hell out of this.
We both cook? Oh, no, no, no.
This does not seem fair at all.
You mean, because you cook every night, and Wolfgang hasn't cooked in 14 years.
Isn't that what you said? That is true.
Gunther, it's great to see you.
Did Delinda tell you about the cook-off? Gunther can't wait.
Mmm.
I think it will be fun.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
More fun than an Affenfass.
He means a barrel of monkeys.
That much fun, huh? Did you find the tape of me and the guy at the blackjack table? Uh, yes.
And we also saw you steal from him.
So, what do you think, huh? We're gonna lump all these crimes you did here together? No, I knew you'd see me steal his chips.
But ever since Mr.
McCoy grabbed me, well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.
I mean, ultimately, I gotta be able to respect that man over there.
And how could I do that if I just stood by when I might be able to prevent the loss of many innocent lives? Nice.
You know you're gonna go tojail anyway, right? I know.
I know.
But the journey to redemption starts with a single step.
And offering this information- Well, let the journey begin.
Oh, so did you find the guy - I mean, the acquaintance I heard talking about the Montecito? Unfortunately, he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, so we couldn't I.
D.
him.
No, we have no idea who he is.
Do you think you might've got a better look at him? I mean, maybe this journey to redemption, you know,jogs your memory.
Let me think.
Yes! Oh.
When he first sat down, he wasn't wearing the sunglasses.
And I remember him saying he had a job passing out flyers on the Strip near Caesars.
Maybe he's out there right now.
I can help you find him before you take me to jail.
Hey, if I find out that this is all a fairy tale- You'll tear me a new one, and I'll deserve it.
- Right.
- All right.
Let's go.
So this is the jerk who stole my chip, huh? I am really sorry about that.
I was pretty baked that night.
So, uh, the money's to cover what he took, huh? Yeah, and to help us out.
Whoa, whoa.
Listen.
I appreciate the cash and everything, but I'm not gonna testify or go to the courthouse and wear a tie and the shoes- And any of that crap, you know? I mean, me and the police, we don't get along too good.
All I'm interested in is the guy you overheard talking about blowing up the Montecito.
Okay? What about him? What did he say? Said he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Thursday.
I told you.
Do you know anything else about the guy-his name, where he lives, works, anything like that? Wait, wait.
Wait a second.
You come here, interrupt my work- I mean, with the guy who robbed me, no less - and you expect me to help you? You had a 25-dollar chip stolen.
I just gave you a hundred bucks.
The way I see it, I got 75 bucks of goodwill coming my way.
- Or are you looking to help the terrorists? - Whoa! Hey, take it easy! No, I'm just saying, dude, you get some information like this, you decide to sit on it? Listen, I dig my country.
And it just so happens that I hate terrorists, okay? Oh.
Okay.
I hate them.
- For another 20, I'll tell you what I know.
- Attaboy.
Shut up.
Let the patriot talk.
So I was, uh, sitting behind the guy two days ago at the Bronco Burger on Harmon, and he's talking all this crap about how he's gonna blow up the Montecito and how they're never gonna forget him and blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
When I left, I got a good look.
He looked like all those terrorist dudes you see on TV.
Dude, this is a friggin' sick car.
Come in.
Hi.
I'm Travis.
Hi.
I'm Sam.
Have you had a full body massage before, Sam? Yeah, I've had a, uh- a lot of them.
So if there's anything new you'd like to try to heighten my experience, please- I'll do my best.
Uh, any problem areas I should know about? Yeah, I'm experiencing a little bit of tightness in the inner thigh area.
I'm just kidding.
Okay.
Why don't we, uh, start with you on your stomach? Oh, okay.
Oh,you're not gonna want to look away for this one.
Trust me.
No record? One arrest for public intoxication.
No convictions.
I suppose handing out escort service cards is kind of a gray area.
Well, it's easy enough to check his story.
I think it's time for the feds.
Maybe you can call one of your guys in Washington.
Wait a minute.
I think I should head down to this Bronco Burger first.
Most fast food joints have surveillance cameras.
- I could check last Monday's tape.
- You said we were dropping the ball.
Now you don't want any help? - Well, I just hate to call in the cavalry when I'm on a bit of a roll.
- Right.
They may scare this guy Darryl off, and he's not a real big fan oflaw enforcement, so- I get it.
You're- He's the cavalry.
What is that- Jealousy or envy? - Oh.
You tell me,John Wayne.
- All right, girls.
Hey.
! Hey.
! Hey.
! You go down to the fast food joint.
- Wise decision.
Excuse me.
- While I call Washington.
I should probably Just chill here, right, Ed? No.
I think you should find something to do.
That was a good call.
Right.
Okay, Sam, you're finished.
Thank you.
That was amazing.
Unbelievable.
You finish with Travis? Yeah.
He mow your lawn? Uh, no, no.
He didn't do anything.
I mean, he gave me a really great massage, but he didn't do anything inappropriate.
I think he knows that I work here.
No.
Only know Mary and the people from spa.
And I just heard two more hot chicks talk.
First girl, two explosion.
None for you.
Too bad.
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I was lying on the table, naked.
M- Me! You want me touch you down there? No.
No, thanks.
Look on bright side.
No have to fire him.
Yeah.
Okay.
I love you.
This has become a much more important issue.
Agent Ramstack, Las Vegas office.
Hey, Agent.
How are you? Appreciate you gettin' over here so quickly.
And the Bureau appreciates you calling us in.
You'd be surprised how many people think they can handle these situations themselves.
Oh, yeah.
Ed, do you have any idea how many anonymous tips we get? We barely have the personnel to investigate the tips from our cleared sources.
Any noise about an upcoming Vegas event? Your clearance expired several years ago, Ed.
You know I can't brief you on any- Let's call Sam Mullen and straighten that out.
That's the protocol, Ed.
Right.
Let's just say Las Vegas has been and continues to be a very high priority for us.
So, then, um, what do you plan on doing, um- Step one is get your source vetted.
Do you have an address? Yeah.
Well, he really doesn't want to talk to you.
He's just a little cop-shy.
I see.
So I guess this is a- a low priority.
I'll have an analyst take a look at the recent Las Vegas chatter.
Thanks for the heads-up though.
You betcha.
Danny, we'll do it your way.
We'll do this ourselves.
I'm already at Bronco Burger.
I gotta go.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Uh, ladies' lav.
My security guard usually handles plunger duty, but he quit this morning.
That's okay.
I was just enjoying these curly fries.
What is that, uh- that seasoning you put on these? That's proprietary.
Of course.
So, uh, you said earlier on the phone that it wouldn't be a problem to get that surveillance tape from Monday? Yeah, I know that's what I said, but I changed my mind.
So it is gonna be a problem? Getting the tape isn't a problem, but playing ball with people intent on ignoring personal liberties sure as hell is.
I didn't do two tours of'Nam so some private citizen could make himself judge,jury and executioner.
Sir, I'm a marine myself - Just because a man is of Arab descent doesn't mean he's any less of a patriot.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear on the phone.
We're not interested because he may be of Arab descent.
We're interested because he was overheard saying he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Your own personal Amber Alert.
You know, these days it seems that people hear what they want to hear.
I don't want to mention a certain president we all know- Okay, Mr.
Mazeroski, sir.
I'm not with any government agency.
I'm a businessman just like you.
I'm just trying to protect my customers and my business.
Okay? I'm afraid we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, Mr.
McCoy.
If you want any more curly fries, they're on me.
Number six! Daddy.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi.
How's your day going? "How's your day going" means you want something.
What is it? You're so cynical.
It's just a small little thing.
Well, honey, I'm kinda dealing with something right now with security issues.
Have you heard about the Gunther versus Wolfgang cook-off? Mm-mmm.
It's gonna be huge.
We're having a pre-match press briefing later.
Pre-match? Sounds great, sweetie.
I sort of volunteered you to be one of the celebrity judges.
First of all, I am not a celebrity.
You're the president of the Montecito.
And I couldn't line up enough real celebrities on such short notice.
Please, will you do it? Hey, Danny's back in your office.
Right.
Please.
If you don't, the cook-off will be a complete disaster, and I'll be the laughingstock of Las Vegas.
Please? Yeah.
Fine.
Fine.
Okay.
Thank you.
I love you.
I love you too.
What? Don't look at me like that.
Not a word.
What do you mean, "ignoring personal liberties"? I told him about the bomb threats, and he said it was some kind of ethnic profiling.
The F.
B.
I.
could probably pull a search warrant pretty quickly.
I'm not so sure this junior G-man- He didn't seem real interested in what I had to say.
Anyway, this, uh, Bronco Burger guy- He has the tape, right? Yeah, he has it.
Well,just get it.
It seems very simple.
Get it.
You want me to apply for a security guard job at Bronco Burger? Security guards have access to the surveillance tapes, right? So once you're hired, you just borrow the tape so we can get a look at the guy who made the bomb threat.
Wait.
Don't they wear those funky uniforms? I would do this if I could, but the owner knows who I am.
What if I don't get the job? I need to tell you what damage that would do to a brother's confidence? You'll get thejob.
Oh, hi, sweetie.
Norma, right? It's Sam, right? Yes.
Yes.
We met at the, uh, Monica's-ashes-down-the-toilet party.
Listen, I heard about the finger in the cocktail sauce thing.
I'm sorry about that.
If there's anything I can do to make your stay more enjoyable, please don't hesitate- Everybody is being so nice to me.
I almost feel like I should be doing favors for you guys.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Great.
Well, in the case, listen.
I have to do this guest satisfaction survey.
It's gonna be awful.
I'm gonna have to walk around and talk to people and- I don't know- survey them.
I mean, maybe I could just interview you.
But you'd have to do this 60-minute free massage.
You're kidding? No.
And then you'd have to do this five-minute interview afterwards.
I mean, are you interested in that? Yeah! Oh, you are? Yeah! That's great.
What's M.
I.
T.
? Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
That like DeVry? Well, it's, uh - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Kinda like DeVry.
Okay.
Well, everything looks good, so, uh- I do need someone right away.
Did I, uh, mention you only get one free meal per shift? Yes, sir.
Junior Bronc burg, regular curly fry, small beverage.
More than enough.
Mind me asking you a personal question, uh, Mike? Not at all.
Why does a guy driving a new Lexus want a job paying $5.
15 an hour? You know, uh, I've always been really interested in the food service industry, and, well, you gotta start somewhere.
Ambitious.
I like that.
Thank you.
Now this Wolfgang Puck will learn what it feels like to face a real chef.
I pity his pizza.
I laugh at his lasagna.
I spit on his shiitake bisque.
My good friend Gunther can run his mouth off as much as he wants.
I will remind him what I learned on my first job in Austria.
The proof is in the pudding.
Except mine will be in my tequila grapefruit sorbet.
- Why are you laughing? This is not funny.
Well, there you have it, folks.
Clearly there is no love lost between these two.
And they will have it out tomorrow night at 7:00.
What does this look like? Uh, looks like a Stampeder with cheese.
Do those look like grilled onions to you? No, they don't.
But if you speak with posse member Barry, he'll get that rectified.
Security, would you come out here, please? - Shake to the window.
- Could you come out here? Yes, ma'am? Yeah.
That guy cut in line.
Right-This guy right here.
Is that true, sir? Look, I was standing right here.
I'm a lot closer to this line than I am the other lines.
The way I see it, I was already in line.
How can I cut in line on myself? - You were actually all the way over here.
- No, I wasn't.
Tell you what.
He'll go first.
But you get this token of our appreciation for your continued patronage.
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
Hey, how'd the, uh, first shift go? Great.
Challenging.
Uh, I had a bit of a situation earlier with an expired Round-Up Meal coupon- Well, it's like anything else, Mike.
Takes a while to get a feel for it.
Once you do, it's pretty darn gratifying.
Yeah.
See ya tomorrow.
Okay.
Danny, I got the tape.
If anything's gonna happen, today's the day.
All right.
There's Darryl.
Fast-forward to when the other guys come in.
It looks like the guy with his back to us is doing most of the talking.
All right.
Freeze it there.
VideoIQ it.
Farouk Naeem.
Henderson address.
Egyptian national.
Which doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Let's just make sure it doesn't mean anything.
Danny and I'll run out to Henderson.
You get this tape back to that Bronco Burger before they know it's missing.
Oh, that's right.
You better hurry up and change.
You're gonna be late for your shift.
Yeah, it's funny.
Owner dude's actually a pretty good guy.
I feel kinda bad quitting on him the day after he hired me.
It shouldn't be too hard to replace you.
I mean, what are the job requirements? You gotta love boredom.
You gotta have a pulse.
Believe it or not, the job is harder than it looks.
Oh, I believe it.
You're looking skinny, bro.
Yeah.
Ms.
Deline, there is a problem in the kitchen.
One second.
Don't you run away from me.
! Benito.
! I will teach you to question my authority.
! Gunther, what are you doing? Gunther! - He doesn't want me to win.
- Who? Who? Is it not so obvious? It's this Benito! This Gypsy boy! He must die! I take a Gypsy- Calm- Calm down.
Okay? Ja.
Breathe.
Okay.
Breathe from your diaphragm.
Lower.
Right there.
Oh, that's good, ja.
I get too carried away.
You know, this Wolfgang Puck- This cook-off makes me aufgeregt.
Everything is gonna be fine.
Gunther is a great chef.
I am a great chef.
Believe in yourself.
I do.
I do.
I do.
I feel better now.
I feel so much better.
Thank you so much.
Maybe - Maybe Delinda make me feel better in my condo, okay? All right.
All right.
All right.
The tasting is in a few hours.
Mm-hmm.
Gunther needs to cook.
I need to cook.
I'm gonna cook like you never - Wolfgang is cooking.
Okay.
Yeah, all right.
I cook.
All right.
All right.
All right.
You've got your Henry sauce? I've got the Henry sauce.
All right.
Make it nice.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Et voilà.
! Hi, sweetie.
Hi.
Did you get your massage from Travis? Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, tell me all about it.
He gave me a really great massage.
Oh.
Give me the details.
Was it a normal massage, or did he- Well, I've never had a massage before today.
Oh, you're a massage virgin.
Perfect! So I guess I can't really say what's normal.
Well, did his hands ever come in contact with your bird? Yeah.
And if that is not normal, honey, it sure as hell oughta be.
It's kind of unprofessional.
Okay, I didn't mind.
Oh, yeah.
In fact, I liked it.
Okay, I got it.
So did Travis- Unbelievable.
Did Travis happen to mention to you why he chose you for his special little treatment? Well, he said only hot chicks were eligible.
So- He is so charming.
God, and so handsome.
Is he single? I don't know.
Well, because if I could get his phone number, that would be rad.
I really feel bad about this, Mr.
Mazeroski.
But a while ago, I applied for a job at Applebee's - Class operation.
Yeah, and they Just called, so- But I'm not gonna leave you high and dry.
Don't worry about it, Mike.
You know, uh, I did two tours in 'Nam, and one thing I learned over there was you gotta live for the moment, 'cause you never know what's waiting in the next rice paddy.
Right.
My point is I brought someone to fill the job.
Lyle.
Lyle.
Lyle Nubbin, sir.
Lyle here is a dedicated worker and a great guy.
I'd certainly relish the opportunity, sir.
And if you don't like relish, I'd ketchup the opportunity.
Sense of humor.
I like that.
- Do I get free lunch with my shift? - Let's just stick to security stuff.
Take a look around.
Ed.
If you're here about the vacant unit, it's been rented.
No, no, no.
Actually, we're a friend of Farouk's up there.
We were wondering if you know where he was at? 2 - D? No.
Do you know anything about him? What he was like? He's quiet.
Keeps to himself.
Arab.
If he's your friend, how come you don't know what he's like? We're making a collage for his birthday, and we're getting impressions.
Yeah, he might be out at his parking stall.
Spends a lot of time out there.
Thanks.
Sure.
- Ammonium nitrate.
- Plus diesel.
That equals bang.
Agent Ramstack, please.
Yeah, yeah, it's urgent.
George, take two guys and put 'em on the loading dock on the far west, okay? East and south entrances are covered.
Okay.
So all we can do is wait.
That's him.
Get him! What? What's going on? You want to tell us why you got a van full of ammonium nitrate out back, Farouk? I'm a landscaper.
I'm on my way out to a job in Spring Valley.
Yeah? Well, why'd you stop at the Montecito? For a job interview.
I talked to your grounds maintenance supervisor.
Uh, Hector.
He said I should stop by.
But if this is how you treat your employees- We talked to someone who said they overheard you say you were gonna blow up the Montecito.
They overheard wrong, because I never said that.
- Were you at Bronco Burger on Monday? - Yes, I was there with my brother.
I told him I'm going to show up at Montecito so they wouldn't forget me.
You know, I- You know, I came to this country because I thought everyone was treated the same.
Except, because I look the way I do, everyone treats me like a terrorist.
We're gonna look into this.
Good evening.
Sam, right? Yeah.
That's right.
Let me ask you a question, Travis.
Why aren't I getting your special treatment? Special treatment? Mmm, special treatment.
Don't play dumb.
I know what's going on in here, because Norma told me.
I'm quite obviously hotter than that girl, and I am not a chick to be toyed with.
So if you're not gonna give me your special treatment, you better give me a damn good reason why not.
It's your chakras.
What about my chakras? They're negative.
No, they're not.
I'm sorry.
When I first entered the room, I sensed negative chakras.
Okay, let's say I have negative chakras.
I'm still not quite sure why I don't get the special treatment.
I mean, I'm the hottest naked girl I've ever seen.
Negative chakras make it very difficult to create the positive aura needed to celebrate mutual ecstasy.
You realize you're an idiot.
Hey.
Your story checks out, Farouk.
You're free to go.
On behalf of the Montecito, we'd like to offer our apologies.
We are very sorry.
We certainly meant you no disrespect, but we understand if you're upset.
So we're hoping that getting you that job you applied for might take away some of the sting.
So I've instructed Hector to hire you.
That is, if you're still interested.
Yes, I am interested.
Well, good.
And we'd like you to stay here with us for a few weeks.
We're gonna hook you up with a suite.
Full comp.
- Are you serious? - Yeah, sure.
But you got a problem, see? If you're late for work, you have no excuse.
I won't be.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I - I will go get my stuff.
Good.
Thanks.
Bye.
Yeah.
Yeah, honey.
Yeah, I know.
No, right now.
No, I'm leaving right now.
Gonna judge that cook-off, Ed? Not a word.
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, listen.
I just- I need to talk to you about that little research project we discussed.
Oh, if this is about Travis, I don't need it anymore.
I'm sorry.
I have to get to the cook-off.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This won't take long.
He's taking liberties during certain massages, and he needs to be fired now.
He took liberties with you? Mm-hmm.
He might as well have been my gynecologist.
He did that chick Norma too.
Well, you know, I can't fire him, because he already quit.
Something about negative chakras.
The guy's loony tunes.
What? What? Sam! Hey, Sam, listen.
I was thinking.
You know that thing with Travis? Right.
Um, is it okay if we keep that just between us? Yeah.
So, you haven't told anybody? No.
Okay, good.
Mm-hmm.
I don't get it.
Okay, Charo, what does the " Cuchi, cuchi" girl think about Gunther's dishes? Deliciosos.
Magnificent.
The spaetzle with leeks? Wow! Does a little flamenco on my tongue.
I like it.
I like it very much.
That's great.
Fantastic.
All right.
Donny Osmond.
Yes.
Singer, actor, author.
Would you say that Gunther's dishes are best described as sweet and innocent or the 12th of never? Well, I gotta be honest with you.
The beef tenderloin was a smidgen overcooked.
- Does Donny Osmond not know this is the proper way to serve- - Gunther! - What's the matter with you? - The judges are entitled to their opinions.
Thank you very much.
And last but not least, the president of operations right here at the Montecito, Mr.
Ed Deline.
Right.
Um, good.
Everything was, uh, really good.
Really good.
But what's with the Henry sauce? I mean, you put it on everything.
Everything.
- It's my signature sauce.
- It's good.
It's good.
All right, thejudges have sampled the offerings by both Gunther as well as Wolfgang Puck.
And the winner of the Montecito Range War, the preparer of the meal to seal the deal is Wolfgang Puck! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, everybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We know why this is.
This is a fix.
How much did you pay them, Wolfgang? Yeah, they tried to pay me to eat your nasty Henry sauce for them.
Oh, I see.
Well, maybe - maybe you get some of your movie star friends to schmooze for you, huh? At least I have friends.
Please.
Take it easy.
This whole experience has really turned my life around.
Oh, that's good.
But you and your turned-around life are no longer welcome here.
Just consider yourself lucky we're not gonna turn your ass in for stealing those chips.
But I can go, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
- Mr.
Cannon? - Hey, Lyle.
You remember that flyer you gave me? Anthony Sirott? I think this is the culprit.
That's him.
That's the guy that ripped us off.
I'll be gosh darned ifhe didn't walk into Bronco Burger.
I guess bad guys gotta eat too.
Anyhoo, I didn't want him vamoosing, so I cuffed him to me.
And seeing as how I'm kind of a husky fella, it'd be tough for him to escape.
Man, I don't know what to say, Lyle.
Great job.
The thing is, uh, somehow in all the commotion, I lost the doggone key.
I'm gonna, uh- I'm gonna go call the police.
Yeah, come on.
Let's go get you some bolt cutters.
It's not that I don't appreciate the position at Bronco Burger, but if anything were to come up over here- Oh, you'll be my first call.
Excuse me, Mr.
Deline.
Gunther.
I can no longer stay here.
Why? Uh, was it about this cook-off thing? Yes, exactly what I'm talking about.
The-The-The humiliation.
What humiliation? Gunther, Gott im Himmel, it was just in fun.
Fun? Humiliation is not fun.
Do you like for to be humiliated? Huh? No.
Gunther does not like this either.
So I am leaving.
I have sold my shares in the restaurant.
To whom? Please come in.
Hey, boys.
Kent wanted to talk.
Yeah? And now that we have a quorum, I just want to let you guys know there's no, uh, hard feelings.
In fact, I'm gonna do you a favor - not send word of your little miscue up the totem pole.
Miscue? Face it, Ed.
You blew it.
You tracked down and detained an innocent man.
You wasted the Bureau's time.
Wait a minute.
An hour ago, you were pissed at us for handling it ourselves.
Tell you what.
Next time you have a hunch, why don't you take two aspirin and call me in the morning? Take two aspirin? I wouldn't call you if Bin Laden came up in my soup.
Easy.
Easy, Mr.
D.
Get outta here.
You know this is the second time in three weeks you've gone after a guy? Maybe I'm mellowing, huh? Hey, how about that for a line? "I wouldn't call you if Bin Laden came up in my soup.
" Great line.
Hilarious, Mr.
D.
Yeah, I can be a real funny guy when I want to be.
Ow.
Closed his bank account four hours after we gave him a 20,000-dollar line of credit.
In case you're wondering, he took off down 14 grand.
Hey, Mr.
Cannon? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm Lyle.
Lyle Nubbin.
Hey.
Yeah, they said you were over in this area.
Something I can do for you? Yeah.
I know your cousin.
Yeah? Which one? Handsome African-American gentleman-Xavier.
I met him in, uh, North Vernon, Indiana.
That's where we're both from.
Xavier.
Yeah, he's - "Pride in the past.
Faith in the future.
" That's our town motto in North Vernon.
Oh.
It's a funny name-Xavier.
Yeah.
Nice guy though.
Great guy.
Mm-hmm.
But anyhoo- Enjoy your stay.
Tell " X" I said hi.
Oh, no.
You see, I moved here.
And Xavier said you could line me up a security job here at the Montecito.
You know, I'd love to help you out there, Lyle, but we don't have any openings right now.
- Can I have one of those? - Sure.
Do you think you could autograph it? In case anyone wonders why the heck I got something that's property of the Montecito.
Tells 'em the big man okayed it.
Yeah.
Whoa! Hey, check out that hottie over there.
Surveillance.
Steve speaking.
Mace, back up camera 43 Mikey, we got a chip thief at blackjack 22.
I'll meet you there.
Gotta go, Lyle.
Any jobs open up, I'll let you know.
Oh, many thanks, Mr.
Cannon.
Hey, say, how will you find me? Uh, leave your phone number with my office.
That was actually kind of a trick question, Mr.
Cannon.
- I'm staying at the Montecito.
- Great.
Great.
I'm gonna take you to get one of those big giant hot dogs.
Excuse me.
There.
Light blue shirt.
Yeah.
Pretty good, huh? I'd like to do that again.
This belongs to you.
Hey, what's going on here? - Theft.
- Specifically, you and that chip.
I didn't steal a chip.
Call me.
! What are you doing? Sit down and shut up till the cops get here.
Wait a minute.
I have very important information.
Critical information.
About your hotel.
What about it? If you agree this information is of vital importance, do I get a walk? You don't have a whole lot of leverage here, buddy.
Like zero.
Just offer up the information and hope for the best, okay? Okay.
A guy told me this other guy said he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Thursday.
d Boy,you feelin'lucky tonight d d Roll the dice again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d You gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d Are you gonna play tonight d d'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side d d By your side By your side d d Gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride dd So a guy tells you another guy told him he's gonna blow up the Montecito tomorrow? Is tomorrow Thursday? Yeah.
Yeah, tomorrow.
And he said the bomber guy was, you know, kinda Arab-looking.
Who's the guy who told you? Where is he? This guy's just jerking us around.
Let's go.
No, I'm not! I swear.
The guy who told me- Well, I don't really know his name, because he's sort of an acquaintance.
But if you check the surveillance tape from Monday at about 1:00 in the morning, I'm sitting next to him- blackjack table closest to the west exit.
What do you got to lose? I mean, think about it.
In the grand scheme of things, what's more important- me taking one chip or this entire hotel going boom? - I'm locking you in here.
- Not a problem.
Delinda.
Yes, Gunther? This.
Have you seen it? Didn't they do a great job? Yeah, how could you not see it, huh? With the magazine ads, the posters, the TV commercials in the rooms.
Oh, yeah, you think I don't know about this? I mean, I shut my eyes, I see the Wolfgang Puck at the Montecito, even in my own restaurant, like a swarm of heuschrecken.
You know, this guy- this guy has not cooked a meal in 14 years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's too groß for his hosen.
Gunther, what do you want? I'm busy.
Delinda, this Wolfgang Puck, he gets all this publicity und acclaim, und this Gunther's restaurant gets nothing.
Helping any of the restaurants helps all of them.
They're all part of the Montecito family.
I do not speak to my family.
No, no.
I should get this- this publicity und acclaim also, ja? Or maybe a personal apology from the beautiful Delinda in my penthouse condominium, huh? Maybe you're right.
Huh? Maybe we have been underserving our existing restaurant.
Great input, Gunther.
Yeah, but this is not the input I think of.
So when jun Tek drop hot pierogi in his lap, I busting gut.
Yeah, I'll bet.
You know, he start jumping up and down like a monkey.
Morning, Ms.
Connell.
Travis, I told you.
It's Mary.
And good morning to you also.
Almost forget.
Need to thank Mary.
Hiring Travis for new masseur.
Yeah, he's quite the hunk, huh? Connie tells me that women are already starting to request him.
That not just 'cause he hunk.
What do you mean? You no hear? He provide special treatment.
Oh.
Like some kind of a new massage therapy? No.
Get them on table.
You know, visit forbidden city.
Let the fingers do walking.
Shake hands with bald man in boat.
Whole nine yard.
He- He can't do that.
Do they want him to? Girls I see no look like victim.
Look like win lotto.
Who told you this? Maybe she's pulling your leg.
More than one tell.
Three or four happy people.
Who? I'll talk to them.
All gone.
Check out yesterday.
Well, if this is really happening, I'll have to stop it.
I'll send someone in undercover so to speak.
Is that joke? Yeah, it's just- You know, he only give special treatment to hot chicks.
That's what he tell them.
What hot chick you know willing to open secret garden? Sam.
I thought you'd agree.
So, which one is justin Frank? Here on the left.
So the guy on the right, that's the guy that supposedly overheard this plot to blow up the Montecito? Right.
Look at this guy.
Sunglasses, hat.
We can't I.
D.
him.
Looks to me like some petty thief.
Turn him over to the cops.
Wait a second.
Let's just say there's a one-in-a-hundred chance this Justin guy's telling the truth.
Or one-in-a-thousand.
People are blowing up buildings these days, and all the intel that I've seen lists Vegas as a potential target.
So I just wanna make sure that we're doing our due diligence here.
I hate it when the kid's right.
Yeah, doesn't- I don't believe it.
Justin stole a chip from this guy too.
He had to have known we were gonna see it.
Why would he volunteer information that would earn him another charge? Maybe he really is trying to help.
- Funny he didn't feel like helping us till we caught him.
- Well- I know.
We'll look into it.
We will.
Gunther.
Hi.
What are you doing? Um, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm sitting here to- to, you know, Just make for judging the ambience.
When the room's empty? Well, empty is better judging.
So maybe you come back a little later, huh? No.
Listen.
I want to tell you about my new promotional idea.
Hmm? Is this the new waitress outfit you wanted me to model? It was the only thing in your office.
That's not our waitress outfit.
Well, he said that- I can imagine what he said.
You can go and change.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, well, I-I-I was only trying to have my own promotional idea.
Yeah, yeah.
Nice try.
Okay, here's what I came up with.
A contest between you and Wolfgang for Montecito restaurant supremacy.
A contest? How? How? What contest? A cook-off.
You each cook something, and we'll have judges choose which dishes are best.
Come on.
I promise you I can promote the hell out of this.
We both cook? Oh, no, no, no.
This does not seem fair at all.
You mean, because you cook every night, and Wolfgang hasn't cooked in 14 years.
Isn't that what you said? That is true.
Gunther, it's great to see you.
Did Delinda tell you about the cook-off? Gunther can't wait.
Mmm.
I think it will be fun.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
More fun than an Affenfass.
He means a barrel of monkeys.
That much fun, huh? Did you find the tape of me and the guy at the blackjack table? Uh, yes.
And we also saw you steal from him.
So, what do you think, huh? We're gonna lump all these crimes you did here together? No, I knew you'd see me steal his chips.
But ever since Mr.
McCoy grabbed me, well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.
I mean, ultimately, I gotta be able to respect that man over there.
And how could I do that if I just stood by when I might be able to prevent the loss of many innocent lives? Nice.
You know you're gonna go tojail anyway, right? I know.
I know.
But the journey to redemption starts with a single step.
And offering this information- Well, let the journey begin.
Oh, so did you find the guy - I mean, the acquaintance I heard talking about the Montecito? Unfortunately, he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, so we couldn't I.
D.
him.
No, we have no idea who he is.
Do you think you might've got a better look at him? I mean, maybe this journey to redemption, you know,jogs your memory.
Let me think.
Yes! Oh.
When he first sat down, he wasn't wearing the sunglasses.
And I remember him saying he had a job passing out flyers on the Strip near Caesars.
Maybe he's out there right now.
I can help you find him before you take me to jail.
Hey, if I find out that this is all a fairy tale- You'll tear me a new one, and I'll deserve it.
- Right.
- All right.
Let's go.
So this is the jerk who stole my chip, huh? I am really sorry about that.
I was pretty baked that night.
So, uh, the money's to cover what he took, huh? Yeah, and to help us out.
Whoa, whoa.
Listen.
I appreciate the cash and everything, but I'm not gonna testify or go to the courthouse and wear a tie and the shoes- And any of that crap, you know? I mean, me and the police, we don't get along too good.
All I'm interested in is the guy you overheard talking about blowing up the Montecito.
Okay? What about him? What did he say? Said he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Thursday.
I told you.
Do you know anything else about the guy-his name, where he lives, works, anything like that? Wait, wait.
Wait a second.
You come here, interrupt my work- I mean, with the guy who robbed me, no less - and you expect me to help you? You had a 25-dollar chip stolen.
I just gave you a hundred bucks.
The way I see it, I got 75 bucks of goodwill coming my way.
- Or are you looking to help the terrorists? - Whoa! Hey, take it easy! No, I'm just saying, dude, you get some information like this, you decide to sit on it? Listen, I dig my country.
And it just so happens that I hate terrorists, okay? Oh.
Okay.
I hate them.
- For another 20, I'll tell you what I know.
- Attaboy.
Shut up.
Let the patriot talk.
So I was, uh, sitting behind the guy two days ago at the Bronco Burger on Harmon, and he's talking all this crap about how he's gonna blow up the Montecito and how they're never gonna forget him and blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
When I left, I got a good look.
He looked like all those terrorist dudes you see on TV.
Dude, this is a friggin' sick car.
Come in.
Hi.
I'm Travis.
Hi.
I'm Sam.
Have you had a full body massage before, Sam? Yeah, I've had a, uh- a lot of them.
So if there's anything new you'd like to try to heighten my experience, please- I'll do my best.
Uh, any problem areas I should know about? Yeah, I'm experiencing a little bit of tightness in the inner thigh area.
I'm just kidding.
Okay.
Why don't we, uh, start with you on your stomach? Oh, okay.
Oh,you're not gonna want to look away for this one.
Trust me.
No record? One arrest for public intoxication.
No convictions.
I suppose handing out escort service cards is kind of a gray area.
Well, it's easy enough to check his story.
I think it's time for the feds.
Maybe you can call one of your guys in Washington.
Wait a minute.
I think I should head down to this Bronco Burger first.
Most fast food joints have surveillance cameras.
- I could check last Monday's tape.
- You said we were dropping the ball.
Now you don't want any help? - Well, I just hate to call in the cavalry when I'm on a bit of a roll.
- Right.
They may scare this guy Darryl off, and he's not a real big fan oflaw enforcement, so- I get it.
You're- He's the cavalry.
What is that- Jealousy or envy? - Oh.
You tell me,John Wayne.
- All right, girls.
Hey.
! Hey.
! Hey.
! You go down to the fast food joint.
- Wise decision.
Excuse me.
- While I call Washington.
I should probably Just chill here, right, Ed? No.
I think you should find something to do.
That was a good call.
Right.
Okay, Sam, you're finished.
Thank you.
That was amazing.
Unbelievable.
You finish with Travis? Yeah.
He mow your lawn? Uh, no, no.
He didn't do anything.
I mean, he gave me a really great massage, but he didn't do anything inappropriate.
I think he knows that I work here.
No.
Only know Mary and the people from spa.
And I just heard two more hot chicks talk.
First girl, two explosion.
None for you.
Too bad.
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I was lying on the table, naked.
M- Me! You want me touch you down there? No.
No, thanks.
Look on bright side.
No have to fire him.
Yeah.
Okay.
I love you.
This has become a much more important issue.
Agent Ramstack, Las Vegas office.
Hey, Agent.
How are you? Appreciate you gettin' over here so quickly.
And the Bureau appreciates you calling us in.
You'd be surprised how many people think they can handle these situations themselves.
Oh, yeah.
Ed, do you have any idea how many anonymous tips we get? We barely have the personnel to investigate the tips from our cleared sources.
Any noise about an upcoming Vegas event? Your clearance expired several years ago, Ed.
You know I can't brief you on any- Let's call Sam Mullen and straighten that out.
That's the protocol, Ed.
Right.
Let's just say Las Vegas has been and continues to be a very high priority for us.
So, then, um, what do you plan on doing, um- Step one is get your source vetted.
Do you have an address? Yeah.
Well, he really doesn't want to talk to you.
He's just a little cop-shy.
I see.
So I guess this is a- a low priority.
I'll have an analyst take a look at the recent Las Vegas chatter.
Thanks for the heads-up though.
You betcha.
Danny, we'll do it your way.
We'll do this ourselves.
I'm already at Bronco Burger.
I gotta go.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Uh, ladies' lav.
My security guard usually handles plunger duty, but he quit this morning.
That's okay.
I was just enjoying these curly fries.
What is that, uh- that seasoning you put on these? That's proprietary.
Of course.
So, uh, you said earlier on the phone that it wouldn't be a problem to get that surveillance tape from Monday? Yeah, I know that's what I said, but I changed my mind.
So it is gonna be a problem? Getting the tape isn't a problem, but playing ball with people intent on ignoring personal liberties sure as hell is.
I didn't do two tours of'Nam so some private citizen could make himself judge,jury and executioner.
Sir, I'm a marine myself - Just because a man is of Arab descent doesn't mean he's any less of a patriot.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear on the phone.
We're not interested because he may be of Arab descent.
We're interested because he was overheard saying he was gonna blow up the Montecito.
Your own personal Amber Alert.
You know, these days it seems that people hear what they want to hear.
I don't want to mention a certain president we all know- Okay, Mr.
Mazeroski, sir.
I'm not with any government agency.
I'm a businessman just like you.
I'm just trying to protect my customers and my business.
Okay? I'm afraid we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, Mr.
McCoy.
If you want any more curly fries, they're on me.
Number six! Daddy.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi.
How's your day going? "How's your day going" means you want something.
What is it? You're so cynical.
It's just a small little thing.
Well, honey, I'm kinda dealing with something right now with security issues.
Have you heard about the Gunther versus Wolfgang cook-off? Mm-mmm.
It's gonna be huge.
We're having a pre-match press briefing later.
Pre-match? Sounds great, sweetie.
I sort of volunteered you to be one of the celebrity judges.
First of all, I am not a celebrity.
You're the president of the Montecito.
And I couldn't line up enough real celebrities on such short notice.
Please, will you do it? Hey, Danny's back in your office.
Right.
Please.
If you don't, the cook-off will be a complete disaster, and I'll be the laughingstock of Las Vegas.
Please? Yeah.
Fine.
Fine.
Okay.
Thank you.
I love you.
I love you too.
What? Don't look at me like that.
Not a word.
What do you mean, "ignoring personal liberties"? I told him about the bomb threats, and he said it was some kind of ethnic profiling.
The F.
B.
I.
could probably pull a search warrant pretty quickly.
I'm not so sure this junior G-man- He didn't seem real interested in what I had to say.
Anyway, this, uh, Bronco Burger guy- He has the tape, right? Yeah, he has it.
Well,just get it.
It seems very simple.
Get it.
You want me to apply for a security guard job at Bronco Burger? Security guards have access to the surveillance tapes, right? So once you're hired, you just borrow the tape so we can get a look at the guy who made the bomb threat.
Wait.
Don't they wear those funky uniforms? I would do this if I could, but the owner knows who I am.
What if I don't get the job? I need to tell you what damage that would do to a brother's confidence? You'll get thejob.
Oh, hi, sweetie.
Norma, right? It's Sam, right? Yes.
Yes.
We met at the, uh, Monica's-ashes-down-the-toilet party.
Listen, I heard about the finger in the cocktail sauce thing.
I'm sorry about that.
If there's anything I can do to make your stay more enjoyable, please don't hesitate- Everybody is being so nice to me.
I almost feel like I should be doing favors for you guys.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Great.
Well, in the case, listen.
I have to do this guest satisfaction survey.
It's gonna be awful.
I'm gonna have to walk around and talk to people and- I don't know- survey them.
I mean, maybe I could just interview you.
But you'd have to do this 60-minute free massage.
You're kidding? No.
And then you'd have to do this five-minute interview afterwards.
I mean, are you interested in that? Yeah! Oh, you are? Yeah! That's great.
What's M.
I.
T.
? Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
That like DeVry? Well, it's, uh - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Kinda like DeVry.
Okay.
Well, everything looks good, so, uh- I do need someone right away.
Did I, uh, mention you only get one free meal per shift? Yes, sir.
Junior Bronc burg, regular curly fry, small beverage.
More than enough.
Mind me asking you a personal question, uh, Mike? Not at all.
Why does a guy driving a new Lexus want a job paying $5.
15 an hour? You know, uh, I've always been really interested in the food service industry, and, well, you gotta start somewhere.
Ambitious.
I like that.
Thank you.
Now this Wolfgang Puck will learn what it feels like to face a real chef.
I pity his pizza.
I laugh at his lasagna.
I spit on his shiitake bisque.
My good friend Gunther can run his mouth off as much as he wants.
I will remind him what I learned on my first job in Austria.
The proof is in the pudding.
Except mine will be in my tequila grapefruit sorbet.
- Why are you laughing? This is not funny.
Well, there you have it, folks.
Clearly there is no love lost between these two.
And they will have it out tomorrow night at 7:00.
What does this look like? Uh, looks like a Stampeder with cheese.
Do those look like grilled onions to you? No, they don't.
But if you speak with posse member Barry, he'll get that rectified.
Security, would you come out here, please? - Shake to the window.
- Could you come out here? Yes, ma'am? Yeah.
That guy cut in line.
Right-This guy right here.
Is that true, sir? Look, I was standing right here.
I'm a lot closer to this line than I am the other lines.
The way I see it, I was already in line.
How can I cut in line on myself? - You were actually all the way over here.
- No, I wasn't.
Tell you what.
He'll go first.
But you get this token of our appreciation for your continued patronage.
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
Hey, how'd the, uh, first shift go? Great.
Challenging.
Uh, I had a bit of a situation earlier with an expired Round-Up Meal coupon- Well, it's like anything else, Mike.
Takes a while to get a feel for it.
Once you do, it's pretty darn gratifying.
Yeah.
See ya tomorrow.
Okay.
Danny, I got the tape.
If anything's gonna happen, today's the day.
All right.
There's Darryl.
Fast-forward to when the other guys come in.
It looks like the guy with his back to us is doing most of the talking.
All right.
Freeze it there.
VideoIQ it.
Farouk Naeem.
Henderson address.
Egyptian national.
Which doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Let's just make sure it doesn't mean anything.
Danny and I'll run out to Henderson.
You get this tape back to that Bronco Burger before they know it's missing.
Oh, that's right.
You better hurry up and change.
You're gonna be late for your shift.
Yeah, it's funny.
Owner dude's actually a pretty good guy.
I feel kinda bad quitting on him the day after he hired me.
It shouldn't be too hard to replace you.
I mean, what are the job requirements? You gotta love boredom.
You gotta have a pulse.
Believe it or not, the job is harder than it looks.
Oh, I believe it.
You're looking skinny, bro.
Yeah.
Ms.
Deline, there is a problem in the kitchen.
One second.
Don't you run away from me.
! Benito.
! I will teach you to question my authority.
! Gunther, what are you doing? Gunther! - He doesn't want me to win.
- Who? Who? Is it not so obvious? It's this Benito! This Gypsy boy! He must die! I take a Gypsy- Calm- Calm down.
Okay? Ja.
Breathe.
Okay.
Breathe from your diaphragm.
Lower.
Right there.
Oh, that's good, ja.
I get too carried away.
You know, this Wolfgang Puck- This cook-off makes me aufgeregt.
Everything is gonna be fine.
Gunther is a great chef.
I am a great chef.
Believe in yourself.
I do.
I do.
I do.
I feel better now.
I feel so much better.
Thank you so much.
Maybe - Maybe Delinda make me feel better in my condo, okay? All right.
All right.
All right.
The tasting is in a few hours.
Mm-hmm.
Gunther needs to cook.
I need to cook.
I'm gonna cook like you never - Wolfgang is cooking.
Okay.
Yeah, all right.
I cook.
All right.
All right.
All right.
You've got your Henry sauce? I've got the Henry sauce.
All right.
Make it nice.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Et voilà.
! Hi, sweetie.
Hi.
Did you get your massage from Travis? Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, tell me all about it.
He gave me a really great massage.
Oh.
Give me the details.
Was it a normal massage, or did he- Well, I've never had a massage before today.
Oh, you're a massage virgin.
Perfect! So I guess I can't really say what's normal.
Well, did his hands ever come in contact with your bird? Yeah.
And if that is not normal, honey, it sure as hell oughta be.
It's kind of unprofessional.
Okay, I didn't mind.
Oh, yeah.
In fact, I liked it.
Okay, I got it.
So did Travis- Unbelievable.
Did Travis happen to mention to you why he chose you for his special little treatment? Well, he said only hot chicks were eligible.
So- He is so charming.
God, and so handsome.
Is he single? I don't know.
Well, because if I could get his phone number, that would be rad.
I really feel bad about this, Mr.
Mazeroski.
But a while ago, I applied for a job at Applebee's - Class operation.
Yeah, and they Just called, so- But I'm not gonna leave you high and dry.
Don't worry about it, Mike.
You know, uh, I did two tours in 'Nam, and one thing I learned over there was you gotta live for the moment, 'cause you never know what's waiting in the next rice paddy.
Right.
My point is I brought someone to fill the job.
Lyle.
Lyle.
Lyle Nubbin, sir.
Lyle here is a dedicated worker and a great guy.
I'd certainly relish the opportunity, sir.
And if you don't like relish, I'd ketchup the opportunity.
Sense of humor.
I like that.
- Do I get free lunch with my shift? - Let's just stick to security stuff.
Take a look around.
Ed.
If you're here about the vacant unit, it's been rented.
No, no, no.
Actually, we're a friend of Farouk's up there.
We were wondering if you know where he was at? 2 - D? No.
Do you know anything about him? What he was like? He's quiet.
Keeps to himself.
Arab.
If he's your friend, how come you don't know what he's like? We're making a collage for his birthday, and we're getting impressions.
Yeah, he might be out at his parking stall.
Spends a lot of time out there.
Thanks.
Sure.
- Ammonium nitrate.
- Plus diesel.
That equals bang.
Agent Ramstack, please.
Yeah, yeah, it's urgent.
George, take two guys and put 'em on the loading dock on the far west, okay? East and south entrances are covered.
Okay.
So all we can do is wait.
That's him.
Get him! What? What's going on? You want to tell us why you got a van full of ammonium nitrate out back, Farouk? I'm a landscaper.
I'm on my way out to a job in Spring Valley.
Yeah? Well, why'd you stop at the Montecito? For a job interview.
I talked to your grounds maintenance supervisor.
Uh, Hector.
He said I should stop by.
But if this is how you treat your employees- We talked to someone who said they overheard you say you were gonna blow up the Montecito.
They overheard wrong, because I never said that.
- Were you at Bronco Burger on Monday? - Yes, I was there with my brother.
I told him I'm going to show up at Montecito so they wouldn't forget me.
You know, I- You know, I came to this country because I thought everyone was treated the same.
Except, because I look the way I do, everyone treats me like a terrorist.
We're gonna look into this.
Good evening.
Sam, right? Yeah.
That's right.
Let me ask you a question, Travis.
Why aren't I getting your special treatment? Special treatment? Mmm, special treatment.
Don't play dumb.
I know what's going on in here, because Norma told me.
I'm quite obviously hotter than that girl, and I am not a chick to be toyed with.
So if you're not gonna give me your special treatment, you better give me a damn good reason why not.
It's your chakras.
What about my chakras? They're negative.
No, they're not.
I'm sorry.
When I first entered the room, I sensed negative chakras.
Okay, let's say I have negative chakras.
I'm still not quite sure why I don't get the special treatment.
I mean, I'm the hottest naked girl I've ever seen.
Negative chakras make it very difficult to create the positive aura needed to celebrate mutual ecstasy.
You realize you're an idiot.
Hey.
Your story checks out, Farouk.
You're free to go.
On behalf of the Montecito, we'd like to offer our apologies.
We are very sorry.
We certainly meant you no disrespect, but we understand if you're upset.
So we're hoping that getting you that job you applied for might take away some of the sting.
So I've instructed Hector to hire you.
That is, if you're still interested.
Yes, I am interested.
Well, good.
And we'd like you to stay here with us for a few weeks.
We're gonna hook you up with a suite.
Full comp.
- Are you serious? - Yeah, sure.
But you got a problem, see? If you're late for work, you have no excuse.
I won't be.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I - I will go get my stuff.
Good.
Thanks.
Bye.
Yeah.
Yeah, honey.
Yeah, I know.
No, right now.
No, I'm leaving right now.
Gonna judge that cook-off, Ed? Not a word.
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, listen.
I just- I need to talk to you about that little research project we discussed.
Oh, if this is about Travis, I don't need it anymore.
I'm sorry.
I have to get to the cook-off.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This won't take long.
He's taking liberties during certain massages, and he needs to be fired now.
He took liberties with you? Mm-hmm.
He might as well have been my gynecologist.
He did that chick Norma too.
Well, you know, I can't fire him, because he already quit.
Something about negative chakras.
The guy's loony tunes.
What? What? Sam! Hey, Sam, listen.
I was thinking.
You know that thing with Travis? Right.
Um, is it okay if we keep that just between us? Yeah.
So, you haven't told anybody? No.
Okay, good.
Mm-hmm.
I don't get it.
Okay, Charo, what does the " Cuchi, cuchi" girl think about Gunther's dishes? Deliciosos.
Magnificent.
The spaetzle with leeks? Wow! Does a little flamenco on my tongue.
I like it.
I like it very much.
That's great.
Fantastic.
All right.
Donny Osmond.
Yes.
Singer, actor, author.
Would you say that Gunther's dishes are best described as sweet and innocent or the 12th of never? Well, I gotta be honest with you.
The beef tenderloin was a smidgen overcooked.
- Does Donny Osmond not know this is the proper way to serve- - Gunther! - What's the matter with you? - The judges are entitled to their opinions.
Thank you very much.
And last but not least, the president of operations right here at the Montecito, Mr.
Ed Deline.
Right.
Um, good.
Everything was, uh, really good.
Really good.
But what's with the Henry sauce? I mean, you put it on everything.
Everything.
- It's my signature sauce.
- It's good.
It's good.
All right, thejudges have sampled the offerings by both Gunther as well as Wolfgang Puck.
And the winner of the Montecito Range War, the preparer of the meal to seal the deal is Wolfgang Puck! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, everybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We know why this is.
This is a fix.
How much did you pay them, Wolfgang? Yeah, they tried to pay me to eat your nasty Henry sauce for them.
Oh, I see.
Well, maybe - maybe you get some of your movie star friends to schmooze for you, huh? At least I have friends.
Please.
Take it easy.
This whole experience has really turned my life around.
Oh, that's good.
But you and your turned-around life are no longer welcome here.
Just consider yourself lucky we're not gonna turn your ass in for stealing those chips.
But I can go, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
- Mr.
Cannon? - Hey, Lyle.
You remember that flyer you gave me? Anthony Sirott? I think this is the culprit.
That's him.
That's the guy that ripped us off.
I'll be gosh darned ifhe didn't walk into Bronco Burger.
I guess bad guys gotta eat too.
Anyhoo, I didn't want him vamoosing, so I cuffed him to me.
And seeing as how I'm kind of a husky fella, it'd be tough for him to escape.
Man, I don't know what to say, Lyle.
Great job.
The thing is, uh, somehow in all the commotion, I lost the doggone key.
I'm gonna, uh- I'm gonna go call the police.
Yeah, come on.
Let's go get you some bolt cutters.
It's not that I don't appreciate the position at Bronco Burger, but if anything were to come up over here- Oh, you'll be my first call.
Excuse me, Mr.
Deline.
Gunther.
I can no longer stay here.
Why? Uh, was it about this cook-off thing? Yes, exactly what I'm talking about.
The-The-The humiliation.
What humiliation? Gunther, Gott im Himmel, it was just in fun.
Fun? Humiliation is not fun.
Do you like for to be humiliated? Huh? No.
Gunther does not like this either.
So I am leaving.
I have sold my shares in the restaurant.
To whom? Please come in.
Hey, boys.
Kent wanted to talk.
Yeah? And now that we have a quorum, I just want to let you guys know there's no, uh, hard feelings.
In fact, I'm gonna do you a favor - not send word of your little miscue up the totem pole.
Miscue? Face it, Ed.
You blew it.
You tracked down and detained an innocent man.
You wasted the Bureau's time.
Wait a minute.
An hour ago, you were pissed at us for handling it ourselves.
Tell you what.
Next time you have a hunch, why don't you take two aspirin and call me in the morning? Take two aspirin? I wouldn't call you if Bin Laden came up in my soup.
Easy.
Easy, Mr.
D.
Get outta here.
You know this is the second time in three weeks you've gone after a guy? Maybe I'm mellowing, huh? Hey, how about that for a line? "I wouldn't call you if Bin Laden came up in my soup.
" Great line.
Hilarious, Mr.
D.
Yeah, I can be a real funny guy when I want to be.
Ow.