Lost In Space (1965) s03e17 Episode Script

- [ Snoring .]
- [ Distant Explosions .]
What? What's the matter? What's going on here? Fedor! All hands on deck! Can't I get one minute's sleep without-- [ Grunting .]
Who set that automatic pilot? Fedor, pipe all hands! Where are you, you worthless jellyfish? You spineless space worm.
You-- Oh, there you are.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
- You rang for me, sir? - What's going on down there? It's the crew, sir.
They're talking mutiny again.
Oh, they are, are they? I'll make 'em walk the gangplank.
They'll dance from the yardarm.
Captain, no! We'd never get home without them.
Oh, but they can't get back to Beta 3 without me either.
I'm still captain of this spacecraft.
Besides, we're on our way home, aren't we? Oh, yes, Captain, but five years in space has simply been too long.
And you never did find the prize like you promised them you would.
Oh, is that so? Now hear this, you miserable quitters, you filthy traitors.
[ Explosion .]
[ Grunts .]
It's the automatic pilot, Captain.
I believe he feels he can run the ship without you.
Oh, is that so? We'll see.
[ Explosion .]
Captain, Captain, you shouldn't have done that.
- The crew will be very angry.
- Here they come.
- Quick, Captain, your cutlass.
- That won't do any good.
I can't reduce them to tape.
That only works on humans.
Oh, but there's the electronic spear.
I'll show them.
Back! Back, you cowardly machines! Back! Back, you mechanical monsters, back! Back! Back, I tell you! Back! Ahh! - There.
Oh.
- What happened? They've gone.
I don't know.
They just suddenly backed up.
- Ooh, if I only had a human crew.
- [ Ringing .]
Listen.
It's a bell ringing.
Five years of pointing it at human beings down there on Earth.
Five years and it never rang once.
[ Fedor .]
That planet we're passing is uninhabited, isn't it? There are no Earth people down there.
Particularly the one special person we've been looking for.
Fire all retros! Full speed astern! Captain, you can't stop now.
You promised the crew you'd go home.
You promised to give up this insane search.
Oh, quiet, chicken liver.
I'll never give up.
Man the space launch.
Full speed astern.
Muster a shore party.
Hop lively, mates.
The prize is ours! [ Laughing .]
Penny? - [ Whistles .]
Wake up.
- Oh.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Must be quite an interesting book you've got there.
Oh, it's just one of my old children's books, I guess.
Oh, fairy tales, huh? Honey, I want you and Will to run down to the spring.
Tell Dr.
Smith and the Robot that they can stop counting insects - for the rest of the afternoon.
- Okay, Dad.
Oh, and while your mother and I are out taking star sightings I want everyone to stay close to the ship, okay? - Have fun, Mom.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Imagine going to look at stars with your own husband.
- Yes, imagine.
- [ Chuckles .]
- Will? - Hmm? - Did you ever dream you were really somebody else? - What? That maybe your own mother and father weren't your real mother and father? Sure.
I'm the president of the United States, you know.
Come on.
I'll race you to that rock, and I'll just use one foot.
No.
Like in some of these stories.
Because, well, last night I had the funniest dream about the most beautiful palace.
Girls.
Trouble with boys is you don't have any imagination.
I don't see there's anything wrong with a palace as long as you know you're pretending.
"If the shoe fits"-- [ Man .]
Well, try on the shoes.
All right, hop aboard the carpet, lively now.
- Do you want to be a princess or don't you? - [ Screams .]
Penny! Careful with that cargo, you miserable misfits! Now, easy alongside.
Easy does it.
That's a human being in there.
There.
That's it.
Now, secure the rockets.
Batten the air locks.
[ Laughs .]
Outta my way! They've just brought back our prize.
[ Laughs .]
[ Both Grunting .]
Put it right down here.
Captain, hadn't you better take it somewhere else for unwrapping? Good thinking.
Now, don't you worry, my dear.
You're safe.
I'm not gonna harm ya.
Don't worry about it now.
[ Grunts .]
Princess? How did you get in there? Who are you? Well, I don't know.
Oh, dear, what are we gonna do now? If the crew sees you only caught a boy-- - Shut up! This is your fault, Fedor.
- Hey, wait a minute.
I should have gone on that shore party myself - instead of just sending my voice.
- Captain, please, not so loud.
I've listened to your chicken advice for the last time.
Now cut that out.
It's not his fault I'm a boy.
And besides, if you are a captain, that's sure no way to act.
Well, now, you hear that, Fedor? At least we got ourselves a human being from Earth.
You are, aren't you, my brave little laddie? Uh, yeah.
I guess so.
Well, don't be afraid of me.
Only cowards like him are afraid of me.
Come here.
Now, you see, we're from the planet Beta.
And for a very long time, we've been looking-- everybody's been looking-- for our princess, Princess Alpha.
Well, is she lost or something? There was trouble.
A threatened revolution by the machines.
But a nurse escaped with the baby princess to hide her on Earth.
- All right.
That's enough.
- Yes, sir.
She switched babies in a hospital maybe.
Nobody knows for sure, but somewhere our princess is still alive.
You know, that's just like the dream that my sister had.
- Ha! - Quiet.
Your what? [ Stammers .]
Well, this person I know uh, had a dream.
Didn't think I'd be in it.
[ Chuckles .]
A person, huh? Now tell me the truth, laddie.
Are there any more human beings down on that planet? Well, I-I might have bumped into one or two here and there.
Male or female? Uh, well, I don't notice girls.
Uh, no, no, no, no girls.
No.
Well, in particular, one who'd be maybe-- - About 13 years old.
- All right, I know.
Maybe 13 years old by now.
Uh, no.
No one in particular like that.
Yeah, we'll find out if you're telling the truth.
Here, come with me.
- But, uh, sir, I'm telling the truth.
- All right, just be quiet.
But, um, sir.
What are you waiting for? Open the door.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
- Oh, the things I have to-- I tell you.
Out of my way, pip-squeak! Here, laddie, go on.
Come along, laddie.
Now, about that 13-year-old girl.
I didn't mention any 13-year-old girl.
There's no one like that on our planet.
Yeah, well, we'll soon find out.
[ Klaxon Blares .]
Lie to me, would you? You worthless little whelp! Captain, no.
Don't do that to him.
Of course I won't.
Not yet.
Keep him here as a hostage, Fedor.
Let him clean up after the crew.
I'm going ashore myself.
If there's one word about mutiny while I'm gone, I'll hang you all from the yardarm.
And that's the word of Captain Kraspo.
- Wow.
- Our captain's been at sea too long, I'm afraid.
What was he talking about? I don't see any crew.
Shh.
You mean these? But these are nothing but regular old computers.
Ow! Just a little shock, that's all.
There are some people on Beta who say the computers are getting out of hand.
But I'm not one of them, of course.
He's a little messy at times.
Oh, dear.
She wants a glass of oil, I guess.
- [ Both Coughing .]
- We better hurry.
Well, where are they? But it's true, I tell you.
I saw the slippers right there.
Yes, indeed.
A mirage, perhaps.
And then the red carpet unfolded right in front of them.
But when I looked back, it was gone.
Penny, my dear, a charming fantasy.
Not at all uncommon in a girl your age.
Well, if you don't believe me, where's Will? I can't find him anyplace.
Probably back at the Jupiter 2, where we should all be right now having something lovely to eat.
And a nice little nap.
Ah, what have we here? Oh, that's my book.
I guess I left it.
Ah, yes.
I see it all now.
Fairy tales, full of castles and kings and pirates.
[ Hissing .]
What was that? I don't know.
Penny, come along.
Robot, why doesn't he believe me? I compute that you are telling the truth, Penny.
Thanks.
- [ Screams .]
- Howdy, mate.
Did you-- Did you address me, sir? I was just cruising by, and I seem to have lost my bearings.
- Lost your bearings.
Lost your bearings.
- Yes.
Who are you? Are you a pirate? Oh, now, if that don't beat all.
Here I come looking for some friendly information about the natives of these parts-- Well, actually, my dear sir, I know very little about this territory.
- So, if you'll excuse me-- - [ Telescope Whirring .]
Somewhere around here.
Somewhere close.
Ah, this way! It's a mistake.
Fedor was right.
The whole thing is a mistake.
All those years of searching, and this blasted thing doesn't even work.
- [ Sobbing .]
- Oh, please don't cry.
- I'm sure it'll be all right.
- Excuse me, sir.
- What's the matter? - [ Telescope Whirring .]
Oh, Your Majesty.
[ Screams .]
Help me! Help me! - Dr.
Smith.
- William.
Where are we? I demand an explanation, sir.
Where are we and where is Penny? I sent her up here ahead of us.
Don't worry.
She's safe.
But where are we? Answer me at once, do you hear? - I'll explain, Dr.
Smith.
- [ Kraspo .]
Oh, no, you won't.
You'll stay here and do your chores.
Keep the crew pacified.
No.
Dr.
Smith, please help me.
Well, don't just lie there, you cowardly clump.
- Help us! - I immobilized him.
You doddering dunderhead, just when I needed you most.
My dear sir, I promise you we did not mean to offend.
I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding.
Yeah, well, I'm sure I have no time to waste on the likes of you.
[ Screams .]
Get away from me! - Wait.
Don't kill him! - Oh, let go of me, laddie.
I-I wouldn't go down there, lad.
But what's happening? What's he gonna do to him? I can't bear to tell you.
He's a terrible man.
A terrible man.
[ Laughing .]
Now where's Dr.
Smith? Well, I figured the princess would prefer a little quiet around here.
[ Laughs .]
Dr.
Smith? Where's Dr.
Smith? What have you done to him? Now, now, I only reduced him to tape, that's all.
- You what? - There we are.
- That's him.
- That's Dr.
Smith? - I don't believe you.
- You don't believe me, huh? Well, you'd better be sure you don't sweep him out with the trash.
- [ Laughing .]
- Captain Kraspo! Here, boy, what's the matter with you? He said this was Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, that stupid brute.
- But it just looks like a piece of tape from a ticker machine or a computer or something.
Well, someday we'll get back at that tyrant.
- You mean it's true? - Of course.
The people on Beta figured out how to do that a long time ago, to reduce a person to tape.
It's much handier for travel and so on.
You simply transmit the tape, and then reconstruct the person at the other end.
You mean we can put him back together again? - Come on! Do it! Hurry! - Oh, no, boy.
I wouldn't dare.
Captain Kraspo would slice us both up with a real cutlass.
[ Kraspo .]
Fedor, up to the bridge on the double! Now, wait a minute.
You don't like him, do you? Now, you've got to help me save Penny because she's no more a princess than I am.
- She's not? - No.
Well, of course I'll help you then.
- But-- - Hurry up, chicken liver! - But not now, boy.
Not now.
- No, will you please wait? Now, now, be careful Dr.
Smith doesn't get torn.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Smith.
I'll try not to wrinkle you again.
Just because I dreamed I was a princess doesn't mean that I-- Never mind.
You were born in a hospital, weren't you? Well, you don't need to shout at me.
Yes, I guess I was born in a hospital.
And you're the right age, aren't you? And my telescope tinkled, didn't it? Captain Kraspo, if you can't be more polite I'm not going to answer any more of your questions.
Oh, there.
Isn't she beautiful? Did you ever in your life see anybody who acted more like a lady, like a princess? W-Well, sir, I, uh-- Smile, Fedor.
Say yes.
You're on cosmic camera.
Y-You mean somebody's watching us on Beta? Of course, you idiot.
I wanted the royal palace to see and hear the good news.
[ Laughs .]
Oh, uh, you'll have to excuse an old sea captain's bad manners, ma'am but, uh, won't you sit down? - Please sit down.
- No, thank you.
I wouldn't like to sit down.
Uh, I-I think you'll find the sofa most comfortable.
All right.
- I wish you'd explain.
- Of course.
Of course.
J-Just a moment, miss.
If this girl is really from Beta, then she should remember her babyhood.
Perhaps you should ask her a few questions.
Shh.
What's the matter, dear? Isn't that soft enough? It's just a little bumpy, that's all.
Uh, I-I didn't hear what you said.
- It's just a little bumpy.
- Oh, a little bumpy, is it? There, that's better.
A pea.
There was nothing under that cushion but a pea, Fedor.
Oh, good heavens.
- [ Bell Rings .]
- The telephone, the radio, answer it, Fedor.
Yes, sir.
This is all so exasperating.
[ Bell Continues Ringing .]
- What is going on? - Uh, not a thing, my dear.
Not a thing.
Captain, I am not a princess.
I am Penny Robinson.
Now, now, take it easy.
Every girl wants to be a princess, doesn't she? Not really.
I mean, I don't know.
What about my own mother and father? Oh, of course.
You haven't had a chance to think about it yet.
But Beta is a beautiful planet.
All it needs is a princess on the throne to make it like heaven.
You mean, they need a queen? There's nobody left in the royal family but an old dowager aunt - and she just hasn't got the power anymore.
- Power? To make the royal scepter work to protect the people, to keep down the evil machines.
Captain, i-it was her, the royal aunt.
She was watching.
She spoke to me.
- Why didn't you call me, you blasted-- - It wasn't necessary, sir.
She wants to inspect the girl herself, in person.
- What? - She's coming here.
She's going to be transmitted by radio.
She'll be here in four hours.
And she's bringing the royal scepter, just in case.
- You mean, she's coming to see me? - Don't ask foolish questions.
We've got work to do.
Come, my dear.
[ Machine Whirring .]
Be careful! You're crumpling him! Now, you stay out of this, laddie.
I need Dr.
Smith worse than you do.
The princess needs him.
She'll need him when she's queen.
The queen has the power to appoint the royal chancellor or even a prime minister.
What are you talking about? Here he comes.
- [ Screams .]
- Dr.
Smith, are you all right? William, where am I? What happened to me? I'll explain later, Your Excellency.
"Excellency"? Ah, yes, of course, excellency.
It appears to me that I did hear that there was a vacancy in the prime ministry.
Dr.
Smith, don't listen to him.
You've got to save us.
You've got to save Penny.
Please, William, not now.
Not now! This way, sir, please.
B-But, Dr.
Smith! [ Sighs .]
Won't anybody help? - Judy, did you see them? - They weren't over there.
I've been calling and calling.
Did you radio Dad to come back? - [ Footsteps .]
- Listen.
There's someone in there.
Oh, it's you, Smith.
Where did the kids go? - I can't even find the Robot.
- Yes, yes, of course.
Would you excuse me? I'm in rather a hurry.
- Wait a minute.
What's this? - Dr.
Smith.
- [ Judy .]
What are you doing with this picture? - It belongs on Maureen's bureau.
Well, of course it does.
It's Penny at the age of six weeks.
The old aunt will be most interested.
What are you talking about? And Penny's baby hair and mother's old diary.
Give these things back! The people on Beta are much smarter than we are.
Don't you understand? Penny's memory will be tested.
Smith, you're out of your mind again.
You'd better start explaining-- [ Judy Screams .]
Don! I thought you'd need some help, matey.
It's all right, Judy.
Not to worry.
I'm sorry, miss.
He'll only be unconscious three or four hours.
That's all the time we'll need.
Now, tell me quick.
Are you a good hairdresser? What? Who are you? Dr.
Smith! Judy, please, we all want to be saved, don't we? Wouldn't you like to be a countess? What are you saying? - Don! - Here, now.
Keep quiet and I won't hurt anybody.
Take her down to the longboat.
Go on.
Hurry up! Easy there, matey.
Ah, there you are.
Now, come along with me, matey.
[ Laughs .]
This is Major West? Are you sure? Positive.
And I have your sister here someplace.
- Well, find her! - I'm trying.
I'm trying.
- Hurry! - Steady, Penny.
Steady.
You had it in your hand coming back in the longboat, sir.
But I haven't got it now.
Oh, here we are.
I knew I had her someplace.
They're really in no danger, Penny dear.
I've been through it myself.
Dr.
Smith, what's the matter with you? You're helping him.
We have no choice, Penny.
What else can we do? It's the only way we can all be safe.
Now, there are three and a half hours left to get you ready.
You'd better make up your mind.
Do you want to be a princess or don't you? - I don't know! - Well, you'd better decide.
And fast.
No! No, wait! What did you have in mind, my dear? Oh, please, please, I'll do anything you say.
Only please don't burn them.
There, there, Penny.
It's quite all right.
There's no harm done.
Captain Kraspo wouldn't have really burned them up, would you? Well, of course not.
I would have had them returned in a jiffy.
But it's just that we have no time to waste while you make up your mind.
You want me to pretend I'm a princess, don't you? You want me to fool that poor old woman who's coming just so you can win your dirty old prize.
There's more to be won than that, Penny dear.
Much more, for all of us.
Just remember, she's your aunt, Aunt Gamma.
Royal children call her "Gammy.
" "Gammy.
" Penny dear, isn't that a lovely name? Fedor has collected thousands of these kind of details that you should be remembering - if you're a real Beta child.
- But I'm not! I can't even remember how to curtsy.
And in three and a half hours, how could I possibly fool anyone? If I don't, she'll probably have us all beheaded.
Oh, good heavens, Penny.
Don't say that! Well, then we'll all [ Blows .]
together.
- [ Whimpers .]
- Because I won't be beaten.
I won't give up! Penny, in three and a half hours, I shall make you a princess or resign from the prime ministry forever! Come along, dear.
There's not a moment to lose.
I feel instinctively that this will be my most important creation.
Very well, but be careful of those pins, maestro or you will create a sieve.
Spare me your feeble attempts at humor, ninny.
Time is of the essence.
I have exactly three and a half hours to transform Penny into a princess.
Less talk, more work, or you will not make it.
Never fear, Smith is here.
- [ Kraspo .]
Faster! - Yes, yes, faster, booby.
Faster! And two and three and four.
And one and two and three and-- Oh, no, no, Penny.
This is so important.
Don't you realize that? Now, let's try it again.
And for heaven's sake, do watch carefully.
So, one and two and three and four.
[ Yells .]
- [ Clattering .]
- Dr.
Smith! Get me out of here! Oh, Penny, get me out of here this minute! - Dr.
Smith! - What are you doing to me? All right, Your Highness.
Now, the royal throne will be over there.
- Over there.
- Yes, the throne.
[ Clears Throat .]
Now, when you walk through the door I will give the order for the drums to roll.
Then, you will take a step and wait.
A step and wait.
A step and wait.
Come on, try it.
- Step.
- Step and wait.
Step and wait.
[ Kraspo .]
Faster! Put some elbow grease into it, laddie! One spot on that deck and you'll get 40 lashes.
Fifty lashes! Faster! Faster! Oh, Penny, how can you go along with all of this? Shh! A-And this is a picture of your cousin the archduke, and his three daughters-- Iota, Kappa and Sylvia.
There.
These are the-- These are them.
And-And this one-- This-- This picture here is a picture taken at the summer palace of the Baron and Baroness Grabowski.
He's an uncle on your mother's side, twice removed, and their three-- [ Kraspo .]
Faster! Faster! Yes, sir, faster, faster! A robot's work is never done.
Diction and elocution, most important for a princess.
Now, listen carefully and repeat after me.
The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.
The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.
The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.
- The beets in Beta boil better on-- - Stop it! Stop it! Oh, I can't do it! I can't! I can't! [ Sobbing .]
Oh, I'm sorry, Captain Kraspo.
I can't.
The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.
The beets in Beta boil better on the burner.
The beets in Beta boil-- - [ Beeping .]
- Hey, hurry up! - Something's happening! - The royal radio signal is coming in, sir.
- Oh, this is it, men.
Fall in! - ## [ Procession .]
Oh, I'm so nervous.
I feel faint.
Ten-hut! ## [ Volume Increases .]
Isn't there anyone around here who can control those beastly machines? I beg your pardon, ma'am.
What did you say? I said, isn't there anyone around here who can control those beastly machines? Oh, yes, ma'am.
Shut up! - Stop that music, you blasted-- - ## [ Stops .]
- Oh, pardon me, ma'am.
- For shame, Captain, for shame.
Excuse the language, Your Majesty.
Quite suitable.
Well, help me down.
Now, which one of you is this girl I'm supposed to inspect? Well, I don't think she's quite ready yet, Your Majesty.
- But that's nothing unusual for her.
- Hush, William.
Uh, Your Majesty, the captain asked me to prepare a bill of particulars.
- The girl's credentials.
- That can wait.
May I present myself, Your Majesty? I am Dr.
Zachary Smith, longtime friend protector and guardian of the lovely child.
I'm sure you must have heard of me.
And may I say that I have always had an instinctive feeling that there was some mystery about her.
Some glorious secret of her origin.
You may say it, Dr.
Smith, but it won't do any good.
Now, Captain, where is she? Uh, right this way, Your Majesty.
- I beg your pardon.
- Really! [ Dr.
Smith .]
Oh, my.
- Wow.
Is that really you, Penny? - [ Dr.
Smith .]
Hush, William.
Stand up, child.
You're very pretty.
She's so beautiful, I think I'm gonna cry.
Your Majesty, may I present this lovely child whom I have had the honor to know thus far as Miss Penny Robinson.
Oh, shut up! Get out of here, all of you! Leave us alone! - But, Your Majesty, it is I who have-- - Out! Out! Out! Out! Yes, yes, yes, I quite understand.
I do.
Come with me, child.
Come, come.
Don't be afraid.
There, there.
That's a good child.
Sit here, my dear.
I don't think Dr.
Smith meant any harm, Your Majesty.
I suppose you'd prefer to call me Aunt Gammy? Aunt Gammy? Oh, yes.
That does seem to sound familiar in the back of my memory somewhere.
Oh, I don't know how I could have forgotten.
And you look exactly like all my dear sister's children used to.
- I suppose you know that too.
- No, no, I didn't.
But I'm so glad you told me.
Hmm.
Uh, they did show me some pictures of the royal family.
And it did seem that some faces were rather familiar.
For instance, do you have a cousin named, uh-- Oh, stop that, child.
Oh, stop that, child.
Do you know how long I've been searching for my niece? All I was told was that Princess Alpha was hidden someplace on Earth by a nurse years ago.
Captain Kraspo said the nurse sent a message back-- K12B6, or something like that.
A garbled message.
The last we ever heard.
Don't you know how desperately the people of Beta need their princess? To keep our beastly machines under control.
I'm not afraid of machines.
The real Princess Alpha wouldn't be.
In her hands, in her hands only the magic of the royal scepter will work.
- Magic? - Of course.
For instance, I can materialize the scepter out of thin air.
But that's as far as my power.
What's the matter, child? Didn't Captain Kraspo explain this to you? Well, I-I just didn't know that the people on Beta believed in magic.
That's all.
Well, if people don't believe in magic, they'll turn into machines themselves.
Now, it says on that paper that that awful Kraspo has been trying to cheat.
He's been teaching you to lie to me.
What? Well, you see, ma'am-- No, never mind.
Anyone who would lie about a thing as important as this should be boiled in oil, don't you think? Oh, yes.
I mean, no! Oh, this is very important to me, ma'am.
In fact, it's important to my whole family.
Oh, stop sniveling.
Just answer one question, child.
Are you my niece, or aren't you? I'm-- I'm-- Oh, I don't know! Oh, I hate myself! Well, of course you don't know.
Oh, that's just the right answer, Alpha dear.
- Alpha? - Oh, of course.
I knew it was you the minute I saw you.
And I've never been wrong about anything.
Your eyes are just the right distance apart.
Captain Kraspo! All present and accounted for, Your Majesty.
You wish to make an announcement, I presume.
I do.
Captain Kraspo will you please be kind enough to put yourself in the brig? - To what? - And you, whoever you are.
Uh, Fedor, Your Majesty.
Ship steward, 14th class.
You are the new acting captain here.
I am, ma'am? You heard her, you conniving tyrant! - Now hand me that tape.
- Why, you ungrateful ingrate.
- [ Fedor .]
Into the brig.
- At once, do you hear? To the brig with you.
Why, you double-crossing little-- What did you put in that letter, you blasted-- - On the double! March! - Of all the injustice.
After a whole lifetime of faithful service.
- I obey! - March! Oh, that dreadful man.
Your Majesty, I think you are much too merciful.
I, of course, am completely innocent of any wrongdoing.
- I'm sure.
- Now, look, Your Majesty.
If you think you're going to do something to my sister, just for pretending-- Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, Captain Kraspo is being punished for his lack of faith, that's all.
You see, Will, I guess maybe I'm not really your sister.
But I'll still love you as much.
- What? - Of course she will.
She'll love all of us.
And we'll never have any more trouble from those nasty machines.
- Will we, Alpha dear? - Alpha? Oh, what a lovely name, Your Majesty.
I proclaim a holiday.
Long live Princess Alpha.
You, sir, are dismissed.
Yes, Your Majesty, yes.
Oh, dreadful man.
Well, we'll have to dispose of him.
But this is a time for only happy thoughts.
But that wasn't helping us any.
Let go of me, boy.
I got rid of Captain Kraspo, didn't I? Well, yes, but now that old lady thinks Penny's a princess.
And what's worse, Penny thinks so herself.
Of course.
And now we've got to get ready for the coronation.
She's gonna give your sister the scepter, boy.
The magic scepter.
Just wait and see how I've helped.
But, Fedor! Come closer.
Come closer.
Success is almost ours.
They'll all see, won't they, my friends? Just before we blow them to atoms, huh? Because when Aunt Gamma hands that stupid little girl the scepter I'll be there to grab it, don't you worry.
And when we have the scepter, Beta will be ours.
At last, we will control the universe! - [ Switch Clicks .]
- Oh, how long I've waited for this glorious day! Mother, you've been making a coat for me.
My captain's coat.
Mother, how wonderful of you.
Thank you so very much.
It's very pretty.
I like it very, very much.
We'll show them, won't we? Captain Kraspo.
Captain Kraspo.
Oh, leave me alone.
Captain Kraspo, you have to listen.
N-Now, is it possible that a ship steward, A computer? A spy, maybe? You're against me.
You're all against me.
And after all those years of faithful searching and searching! Listen.
Now, I said I was over by that computer place and I saw Fedor go in there.
[ Kraspo .]
Get out! Why did you come here to taunt me? Did I really hurt anybody? Did I keelhaul you at the start like I should have? - Now, get out, you ungrateful-- - Captain Fedor! It's locked! He locked it! Captain Fedor.
[ Laughs .]
Captain Kraspo, you've got to listen.
Oh, if that don't beat all.
That little pip-squeak.
You're all pip-squeaks, every last one of you.
The royal aunt.
Princess phony.
Yeah, and all you Robinsons too.
And you're nothing but a dirty quitter.
But I'll never be beaten, because I'll never give up.
I hate you.
Hey, hey, laddie! Did I hear you say something about computers? Machines? Fedor is one.
Well, get me outta here.
Don't just stand there! Yes, sir! Oh, can't you hurry up and get him out of there? Here he comes.
He'll be quite comfortable.
There's really nothing to it.
- Where am I? - Nothing to worry about, Major West.
The Robinsons' remaining daughter will explain it all to you.
- Remaining daughter? - Yes.
- Judy.
- We're in rather a hurry just now.
- On with the coronation.
- Coronation? There's no reason for concern, Major.
It's all for the best.
Well, whatever's good for you must mean trouble for everyone else.
- Spare me the insults! - Now you tell me what this is all about.
Now, that's enough, Major West.
If you interfere in any way I'll have Captain Fedor order his computers to-- to-- Well, where are they? What happened to those nasty computers that were here? I-I thought it best to keep the crew below decks till after the coronation, Your Majesty.
Oh, how very thoughtful.
Now, come along.
You'll see.
We're all going to live happily ever after.
Oh, I hope so.
I do hope so.
Soon.
Very soon.
Be patient.
- There.
That one got it.
- Get me out! There.
- [ Kicking Door .]
- Harder! Harder! Here, use this.
- What is it? - My telescope.
It started this whole mess.
My princess finder.
It's a worthless hunk of junk.
Go on! Hit it! - ## [ Fanfare .]
- Coronation music.
- Penny! - Go on! Hit it harder! That did it! Ah, charge! - [ Computers Whirring .]
- Shh! Wait for the scepter now.
Wait till I give the signal to attack.
[ Sneezes .]
So sorry, Your Majesty.
Are you ready for the coronation, Your Majesty? Quite ready, thank you.
Let us proceed.
Yes, Your Majesty.
[ Sneezes .]
[ Grumbles .]
- Isn't it all exciting? - Why don't you keep quiet? - Start the drums.
- Drums.
What are we going to do? Shh.
Don't worry.
It's all right.
As soon as this nonsense is over, I'll find a way to get us out of this.
You look ravishing, my dear.
Simply ravishing.
I do hope you won't forget your devoted friend Dr.
Smith in your hour of triumph.
I don't think this is such an hour of triumph.
I feel just like crying.
But I quite understand, my dear.
I always cry at coronations.
Will you stop this silly chatter? In the name of the good people of Beta I will now command the royal scepter to appear.
Are you ready to receive the symbol and instrument of your royal power, Your Majesty? I guess so.
I mean, uh, yes.
Behold! How magnificent! I now present thee with this, the magic scepter.
[ Kraspo .]
Stop! Stop! All right, Fedor.
I'm onto you.
Your hour has come.
- Are you all right? - Yes.
- Penny.
- Captain Kraspo, how dare you! - A-Arrest this man.
Seize him! Hang him! Oh, no, you don't.
This is the real cutlass this time.
And this is an atomizer.
And anybody moves, gets erased.
- Why, you--you traitorous barbarian.
- And, you, please shut up - ma'am, Your Majesty.
- [ Whirring .]
- Listen to that.
- This man Fedor here-- Captain Kraspo, the telescope, it was ringing.
Well, what of it? Let go of my arm.
It wasn't pointing at Penny.
It was pointing at the Robot.
Well, the crazy thing did that before.
It's no good.
- Now, let go of my arm! - Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.
Attack! Up the machines! Down the people! [ Dr.
Smith .]
Oh! [ Screams .]
[ Don .]
Smith, you've sent the ship out of control! [ Don .]
Come with me! The scepter, wave it! - Destroy them! - No, go away! It doesn't work! Don, do something! Everyone, get in there! - [ Women Screaming .]
- Robot, guard the door! Affirmative.
Hurry, Major.
Do something.
We're going to crash.
Hold on.
I'll try to steady her out.
Hurry! I'm trying.
I can't get the hang of this antiquated equipment.
This must be the automatic control here.
- Oh! - You did it! All right, Fedor.
This is it! Attack! Attack! Destroy! You little punks, I warn you! Stand back! I warn you! Do not come closer! I warn you! After him! After him! I wonder how long the Robot can hold off those machines.
- Wait.
I've got an idea.
- Make it fast, Will.
Well, remember that garbled message the nurse sent years ago, that K12B6? Well, that's like the sequence we use to program the Robot.
Now, suppose that nurse hid the baby princess and then reduced her to tape.
Now, where would be the perfect place to hide the tape? - I get it.
Now, what are those numbers-- K12-- - B6.
Got it.
Warning! Warning! Stay back! Robot, the formula to materialize the real princess is K12B6.
- Check.
- Materialize her at once.
Affirmative.
Attack him! Attack him! Get back! Stay back there! Don't come near me! I am programmed.
Stand back.
Stand back! The Robot! Stop him! It's all right, everyone.
The real princess is here.
Oh, my dear.
My darling, it's you, really you this time.
Aunt Gammy! Oh! Those nasty machines ran away the moment they saw you.
And as for you, my dear, everyone has a right to be wrong once.
- Don't they? - Yes, ma'am.
Oh, but here, you'd better take this.
- Thank you.
- Point it at him.
Hurry! No, no, no, please! - [ Laughing .]
- Look.
There's nothing left of him but a computer card.
And this is all that's left of the one named Fedor? Yes.
I've got to take it back to them before they leave.
Aunt Gamma said he might be reconstituted into a useful machine.
Well, it all sounds quite incredible.
Come on.
There's still time to meet them all.
All right.
Let's go.
Aren't you gonna go see them off, Dr.
Smith? Certainly not.
Such commonplace people, mere riffraff.
You have no idea how delighted I am not to be drafted as prime minister for their ridiculous planet.
Ah, William, but here.
Here stands our real treasure.
If only we had a deeper understanding of secret codes.
If only we knew more about the glorious mysteries that lurk inside our illustrious friend.
Just think of it, William.
What was a princess could just as easily be a gold mine.
You know, I never thought he had it in him.
- Have you? - The beets in Beta boil better in the butter.
- On the burner.
- In the butter.
The beets in better boil butter in the boiler.
Oh, never mind, ninny.
You'll never make it.