Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e17 Episode Script

[Quill.]
Okay.
The good news is, we saved the shrunken Kree home world, which is expanding back to its normal size.
- The bad news - [computer.]
Self-destruct in two minutes.
is fairly self-explanatory.
[alarm blaring.]
This is it, everyone.
[clicks.]
Peter, wait.
Did you see that mirror - in the weapons vault? - You mind, Gamora? I'm trying to spend my final moments in this galaxy with some mid-'70s one-hit wonders.
They may not have to be your final moments.
That mirror is called the Black Vortex.
Thanos said it was an indestructible prison.
Drax approves of indestructible.
Yeah, well, Rocket don't approve of no prison.
- I am Groot.
- Good point, bud.
Ain't a prison in the galaxy I can't escape.
The thing is, this prison isn't exactly in the galaxy.
[alarm continues blaring.]
[Quill.]
I don't know, Gamora.
This thing looks, like, super evil.
- Self-destruct in 15 seconds.
- Who am I to judge? Everyone hold hands so we don't get separated.
I am Groot! [yelling.]
[yelling.]
[Gamora on comm link.]
Quill, keep following your Groot branch.
I think we're getting closer to each other.
[Quill.]
Ten-four, good buddy.
I still don't know how we got separated.
We all jumped into the mirror together.
Thanos once described the Black Vortex as a prison of your own making.
But I don't know if he meant that it's a physical place, a state of mind, or something else.
- Quill? Quill? - Oh, cool! Wait.
What's cool? Nothing should be cool.
Quill, where are you? What's going on? Quill, what's happening? [8-bit era video game music.]
Ah! Only the coolest thing ever! [8-bit version of Guardians of the Galaxy theme.]
This can't possibly end well.
[8-bit era video game music.]
[Gamora on comm link.]
Quill, do you read me? Something's wrong.
My Groot flower's fading.
Where are you? [beeping.]
- [Quill.]
Sit tight, Gamora.
- Quill! Don't worry.
It's just the game starting.
[gasps.]
Quill! What did you do? What happened to me? Where are we? [Quill.]
A wondrous place where I spent many golden hours of my childhood.
A place where I lived and died, one quarter at a time.
Welcome to the world of video games! Okay, I get it.
You're excited.
- But stop fidgeting! - We're not fidgeting.
It's just the way you move in 8-bit.
And this is the way I move in 8-bit.
Dad? [beeping.]
Welcome, brave warriors.
Take one of these items to help you on your quest.
The Shield of Unknowable Fate! The Sword of Limitless Courage.
Aw, it's the Flute of Infinite Melody! Oh, man, we gotta pick the right one.
- [Gamora sighs.]
- Gamora, wait! [yells.]
[grunts.]
Okay, first, you should've picked the Flute of Infinite Melody, which was clearly the most powerful item.
I know it's counter-intuitive, but trust me on that.
And second, you can't just take out the only helpful character in the game! First, it was J'Son, so he's probably evil.
And second, I'm not interested in playing games.
The realities created by the Black Vortex are just distractions.
We need to get out of here and find the others, fast.
[grunts.]
[grunting.]
Yeah, this is a co-op side scroller.
You can only move forward together.
And once you leave an area, you can't go back.
- [chimes.]
Coins! Yes! - Quill, wait.
This is a stupid waste of time even by your standards.
[beeping.]
Coins! Coins, coins! Coins! [beeping continues.]
I mean, I know you're normally distracted by shiny objects, - but why are you doing this? - It's how you score points.
Come on.
You better hurry.
I'm gonna get 'em all.
F'sakis! Stay back! Wait.
They can shoot fireballs? [grunts.]
[bell jingling.]
Aw, man.
[groans.]
I hate when that happens.
[yells.]
[grunting.]
Oh.
What a surprise.
This video game sword is completely useless against these things.
- Duh.
- Aah! See, the Flute would've put them to sleep.
So we'll have to use an old-school method.
Watch and learn.
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
- This is ridiculous.
- Yeah, ridiculously effective! [screeches.]
[groans.]
[grunts.]
I hate it when he's right.
[both grunting.]
[beeping.]
That's it! [grunting continues.]
- Come on! Let's go! - Go where? The end of the level, where you find the princess.
We're not looking for a princess.
No, but we are looking for Groot.
[music.]
Will you just let me do the talking this time? [beeping.]
Hello, great wizard.
Please, we Okay, old man, where's Groot? [groans.]
Your Groot is in the next castle.
But some stones hold secrets.
Wait.
You mean we have to go through all that again - to find another castle? - Oh, maybe not.
I think there's a hidden shortcut in here somewhere.
[beeping.]
I'm through playing.
[yells.]
Okay, you have to stop slicing the people we need.
Now, unless we find another shortcut, we have to go through - every level until we reach the end.
- How many levels are there? Two hundred and fifty-six.
It's a pretty standard number in video games.
[beeping.]
[music.]
[fanfare music.]
[electricity arcing.]
So, we have to go through this 255 more times? Well, if you hold them off, I might be able to enter a cheat code.
Wait.
Hold who off? [grunts.]
Ronan! [grunting.]
Seriously? Left-right-left-up-down- up-A-B [groans.]
No, it was right-left-up- down-A-B-left-right-down-up [groans.]
Right-right-left- up-up-down-down! - Quill, what are you doing? - Oh, give me a break.
I'm a little rusty.
Left-left-right-down-down-up-up! [grunts, yells.]
Aaahh! Gamora! [gasps.]
- What What just happened? - You lost your life.
Be careful.
You only have two left.
[music.]
[yelling.]
[grunts.]
Left-down-left-up- down-right-up! Yes! Oh, Princess Bubble Funtime Flotation Suits! Quick, put it on.
No.
Just no.
Hurry.
We can fly straight to the final boss level.
[yells.]
[groans.]
Why does the Vortex keep trying to put me in ridiculous clothes? [music.]
- [sighs.]
You will tell no one about this.
- Well, why tell [beeping.]
[camera shutter clicks.]
when you can show? [8-bit music.]
[music.]
Well, that's weird.
On the last screen, you usually have to fight some huge boss monster.
Fools! I have lured you to your doom! [menacing music.]
[roaring.]
[evil laughter.]
Dad is the bad guy.
I knew it! You did not! You kept saying we should trust him.
Well, that's not how video games work.
- Aah! [evil laughter.]
- Quill! Oh, wow.
- That was so weird.
- Quill, focus! [grunts, yells.]
[grunts, yells.]
Got a cheat code for this? No cheat codes on the boss level.
Only video game techniques will work.
- But how? We can't reach him.
- [roaring.]
- Time to beat the boss.
[yells.]
- Quill! Oh, come on! I didn't know he could do that.
- So what now? - Normally, I'd play the game [evil laughter.]
a hundred times and figure out all the patterns.
But we're on our last lives.
[Quill.]
Oh, super power-up pizza! I'll keep J'Son busy.
You eat it.
- How is eating gonna help? - Trust me, ya always eat the blinky-flashy things in video games.
[evil laughter.]
Hey, beardo! Your graphics are low-res, and your level design is lame.
[chomping.]
[yells, grunts.]
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
[beeping.]
[grunts, panting.]
[beeping.]
You may have won the game, but you'll never escape.
- Where's Groot? - Your Groot is not in this castle.
I'll bet ya this map you dropped will show us the way, am I right? [yells.]
[fanfare music.]
[beeping.]
Ha! I beat you.
Whoa.
I thought you weren't playing.
I'm not.
I'm winning.
In that case, game over! [beeping.]
[insects chirping.]
[birds squawking.]
- Ehh.
- Sore loser.
I guess I'm the new high score champion.
Are not.
Look, that was a co-op game.
I told you to get the super power-up.
Do we wanna know what he's yammering on about? Rocket! Drax! Uh, what are you guys doing here? We could ask you the same question.
- What are you doing here? - And apparently we will.
- Well, the important thing is we're all back together.
- Ew.
- Now we just have to find Groot.
- Ugh! Looks like he's still out there.
This map should lead us right to him.
- So, lead the way champ.
- Hmm, mm [sucking teeth.]
Uh Mm, mm Yeah Maybe indulging in your childhood diversions - wasn't a total waste of time.
- That admission of my rightness wouldn't have anything to do with a photo of a certain someone wearing a Princess Bubble Super Funtime Flotation Suit, would it? One more word, and I remove that mask with your head still in it.
[both laughing.]
[snickering.]
[Rocket.]
So we found each other in this crazy Black Vortex, but we still ain't found Groot.
Just keep following the glowing flowers.
Groot's branches will lead us right to him.
Who needs branches, Gamora? I got a map.
A map which is leading us to the exact same place as the branches.
I don't trust the Black Vortex or Quill's map-reading.
But I trust Groot.
He's inside.
[Rocket.]
Well, this ain't ominous.
At all.
I disagree, Rocket.
It is extremely ominous.
[Rocket sighs.]
You just gotta suck the joy out of sarcasm, don't ya, Drax? The Black Vortex can read our minds.
It knows our fears and can bring our greatest enemies to life.
So clear your minds! And definitely do not think about Thanos.
Eh Aww! [roars.]
- Really, Drax? Ronan?! - I did not think of Thanos.
But I never truly had my final battle with Ronan.
Come to me, Destroyer, and we can battle forever! The taste of vengeance will always be on your lips.
[yells.]
[grunts.]
[both grunting.]
[groans.]
I'll show ya vengeance! Don't listen.
It's the Black Vortex talking.
- It's inside our minds.
- Well, the joke's on the Black Vortex.
Because you don't have a mind? No.
Because Ronan isn't my greatest enemy.
[water splashing.]
[Rocket.]
But he is.
We have all eternity here, son.
Let's hug it out.
Thanks, Dad, but you're already taking up way too much of my headspace.
Aah! [grunts.]
[grunts.]
[yells, grunts.]
Remember why we're here.
Don't fall into the Black Vortex's trap! [grunts.]
Yes, I am not here to seek vengeance, but to rescue a friend in need.
And ain't nothing gonna stand in our way! Huh? [yells.]
[grunts.]
[grunting.]
Well, that wasn't so hard.
- He is right behind me, isn't he? - Sort of.
Ehh [both roaring.]
Hey! No fair combining! We have to work together.
Eat pyro-bombs, goo-face! [grunts.]
[yells.]
[yells.]
Focus your attacks! Concentrate on the same spot! Huh? [Drax yells.]
[weapon powering up.]
[grunts.]
[yelling.]
Huh? Groot must be through there.
[roars.]
I am the Black Vortex.
Groot? You cannot stop me, fragile fleshlings.
I will escape this wretched prison and rule the galaxy.
That's the mirror we came in through.
He's trying to escape into our universe.
He will not escape my wrath! Easy, Drax.
That wrath might hurt Groot.
The real Groot.
He's still in there somewhere.
The entire universe is at stake.
We have to do whatever it takes to stop the Black Vortex even if it means sacrificing Groot.
[Black Vortex Groot roars.]
[Quill.]
No way.
We're a team, and no man, woman, plant, or not-rodent-thing gets left behind.
[grunting.]
Stay away from the mirror! [both grunting.]
You Guardians are nothing but failures, outcasts, and thieves! [groans.]
I've looked into your hearts.
Deep down, you know your past victories were merely blind luck.
I shall leave you here, imprisoned for all eternity, lost and forgotten.
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
You will never leave this place! All that strength, and you could not save your own family.
Nothing can destroy your shame! [yells.]
[grunts.]
Stay back! [grunts.]
[grunts, groans.]
Deep down, you know you deserve this fate, daughter of Thanos.
You could never atone for your past deeds.
I can't let ya do it, bud.
I know you're still in there.
So you'll forgive me.
[grunts.]
How can you hope to save the galaxy when you can't even save your only friend? Once again, you will be alone in the universe.
Get outta my bud! [yells.]
[cries out, groans.]
[Rocket.]
That branch! It's driving out the black goo! - If we can reattach the others - Maybe we can cure Groot! [Black Vortex Groot groaning.]
[roaring.]
I'll keep him distracted.
We may be a bunch of lost, broken losers [grunts.]
but Groot is our friend, and we're not letting him go without a fight! [crying out.]
[yells.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[crying out.]
[grunts.]
I am Groot! I'd never leave ya, bud.
Never.
[roaring.]
- Uh, speaking of leaving - Everyone through the mirror, now! [roars.]
[pants, grunts.]
Drop that mirror! Drop it! [grunting.]
[Gamora, Drax grunt.]
[Groot.]
I am Grooooot! No! I got ya, bud! [grunts.]
[Quill.]
Do like Gamora said.
Concentrate on the same spot, together! [Black Vortex Groot yells.]
Go! Go! [all grunt.]
[Black Vortex Groot.]
No! I cannot be defeated by the likes of you.
I am unstoppable! I am decay! I am I am Groot! [grunting.]
[yells.]
[groans.]
Noooooo! [groans, sighs.]
Yes! See that, universe? We saved you again! [Gamora.]
Give it a rest, Quill.
There's no one here.
Where are we? I do not recognize this place.
[Quill.]
I don't either, but I like it.
[Gamora.]
"In honor of the brave heroes who gave their lives to save the galaxy"? [Rocket.]
Uh, guys, how long have we been gone? [music.]