Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998) s03e17 Episode Script
Season 3, Episode 17
Good evening, everybody, And welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" On tonight's show A wonderful vintage wayne brady.
Full-bodied with a hint of strawberries Kathy greenwood.
Has a peculiar nose colin mochrie.
And take this back, it's gone bad Ryan stiles.
And I'm your host drew carey.
Come on down.
Let's have some fun.
Hello.
Thank you very much.
Hey, welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" Show number 302, The show where everything's made up And the points don't matter.
That's right, Just like the plot in "mission impossible 2," The points don't mean a thing.
You don't want to listen to me yapping all night.
Let's get started With a game called "questions only.
" Kathy and wayne, you're going to start.
The rest of you guys will come up on the side.
This is also a great party game.
They can only speak in questions, And when they make a mistake, they leave, Somebody else takes their place, And they continue speaking the questions, And we'll see who can stay out there the longest.
The scene is, kathy and wayne Are a couple honeymooning at the bates motel.
So whenever you're set, go ahead and start.
Questions only.
Are you sure this is where we should be? Are you ready for the big night? Do you mean what I think you mean? [ squeaks .]
Did you hear that? What are you talking about? Did you hear that noise? What noise? Are you as scared as I am? Are you a wuss? Am I going to be the first one to die, Like I always am? Are you kidding? This is our honeymoon.
Can you protect me? What do I have to do? Can you wear this riding crop And leather bandero? Do you know how to put these on? Uh, yeah.
[ buzzer .]
Have you seen my mother? Have you seen my husband? What does he look like? Aah! [ buzzer .]
Did you call a plumber? What's up? Something wrong with your shower? Wouldn't you be the one to know? Doesn't that say "plumber"? Should it be upside down like that? What are you, Some sort of wisecracker? [ mocking .]
what are you, Some sort of wisecracker? What's with the knife? O's asking? Can't you see it says "plumber"? What's that got to do with the knife? Are you going to stick that in my gut? Would you prefer somewhere else? Would you like me to get naked And climb into the shower? Do I have any other choice? [ buzzer .]
Do y think there's something weird Going on around here? Besides me being completely naked, you mean? Uh, do you think that's wrd? Ha ha ha.
[ buzzer .]
Honey, did you see That naked bald guy with the knife? [ buzzer .]
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm going to give each of you 5 Of our new wonder points.
These points have much more support? They're pushed up so you look more perky.
Let's go on to a game called "sound effects.
" Colin and ryan.
Now, colin's going to improvise a scene, But he has to respond to sound effects made by ryan.
Ryan has his own special spit-on microphone.
I won't let him use mine anymore.
The scene is, colin, you're a sumo wrestler.
Says you're a sumo wrestler Who wakes up on the day of a big match.
[ snoring rhythmically.]
Hi! Hi! Hi! Ohh.
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ grunting and wheezing .]
[ grunts .]
Ahh.
Ohh.
[ rasping .]
Ahh.
[ cheers and applause .]
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ creaking .]
[ imitates tire deflating .]
[ imitates second tire deflating .]
[ imitates japanese language .]
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ imitates crowd cheering and hailing wrestler .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ grunting .]
[ growling .]
Ha.
Ohh.
[ grunting .]
Rip.
[ laughter and applause .]
Ha-hoy ha-hoy ha.
[ imitates scuffling .]
Ahh.
Ahh.
[ grunting .]
Aah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! [ buzzer .]
1,000 points for each of you.
You know what the scary part of that was? I think we just saw colin's "o" face.
All that straining and grunting and everything.
I just Remember? Yeah.
[ cheers and applause .]
Ohh! Ha ha ha! "3-headed broadway stars.
" This ifor ryan, colin, and wayne, With laura hall on piano And linda taylor on guitar.
They're going to hp you with this And, uh, blond woman over there in the center.
What's no, you.
Yeah.
What's your name? Brie? Come on over here, brie.
How are you doing? Nice to have you.
Just have a seat on the stool.
Guys, this is brie.
They're going to sing a broadway love song to you, So just have a seat on the stool.
Be comfortable.
That's all you've got to do.
They're going to sing a song to you As a strange, 3-headed broadway star Making up one word at a time, And what I need from the audiee is, If you had written a broadway love song And the song was "you are my 'blank,'" What would the "blankword be? What? Chilidog.
Ou are my chilidog.
" So, the song's going to be called "you are my chilidog.
" One word at a time, take it away.
you are my little chili dog I love you so much covered in beans and sour ream you are me love you always 'cause taste is paramount when you enter my room I eat your essce chili dog make e your I love you truly buns are firm meat is meat chili dogs cause your mind to day end flourish flourish flourish flour our All: ish [ cheers and applause .]
We got a little lost on that one.
Thank you, brie.
That was great.
Thank you very much.
We're going to go see a commercial.
We'll be right back with more "whose line" Right after this.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" The show where everything's made up And the points don't matter.
Yep, the points are just like Your high school guidance counselor.
We're going to continue with a game Called "scenes cut from a movie.
" Now, in this game, All four of you are going to act out scenes That have been cut from various famous films, And what famous films would the audience like to see? "gone with the wind.
" "green mile.
" "top gun.
" "close encounters.
" "sixth sense.
" "terminator.
" Okay, we have enough.
Uh, you guys are going to act out scenes That were cut from these famous films, Starting with "gone with the wind.
" Ha ha ha! Scarlett Want to play some cards? You deal.
Excuse me, scarlett, I don't know if you heard, but I'm leaving.
[ buzzer .]
"sixth sense.
" Think he sees us? Hey! Hey! Hey, little kid.
Look at him.
He peed himself.
[ buzzer .]
"terminator.
" Where is sarah connors? What do you want? I'm here to save you.
Oh, because you're a big man, Come to save the little woman.
Well, if that's the way [ imitates machinery .]
[ buzzer .]
See? "close encounters Of the third kind.
" E.
T.
Want lap dance.
All right, but you tickle.
[ giggles .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ buzzer .]
Well, that's not "close encounters.
" What am I doing? It's a space movie.
What do you want? "e.
T.
" "close encounters.
" I know, I know.
Just read your cards.
"the green mile," Which is how far I'm going to kick your ass.
"the green mile.
" "green mile.
" Okay, look The chair is broken, so [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
100 points apiece.
It's a shame we didn't get to "close encounters," That's all.
E.
T.
Uh, we're going to go on to a game now Called "the millionaire show.
" It's for colin.
You're going to be the host Of a show called "the millionaire show.
" Ryan, you're going to be the contestant on the show.
Kathy, you're the friend at home, And, wayne, you're the guy in the audience.
I know that's not a real thing on "the millionaire show," But you're a guy in the audience.
Colin, the twist that we're going to do here Is we're going to do the frat-boy version Of "the millionaire show.
" Whenever you're ready, take it away.
You still want to be a millionaire? Yeah, I do, man.
Whoo! Whoo! [ cheers and whistles .]
All right, dude, You are two questions away from $1 million That's so bogus, man.
So put your clothes back on and let's get to it.
All right! All right, here is the question.
Are you ready? I'm totally into it, man.
All right.
A compact disc Yeah, I know what that is.
Is also known as a aa, B cd, D or c bc, D d, d, d, d, d.
Which is it? Man, that's a lot of letters, man.
That's a lot of letters.
But you know what? You've only got to get two of them.
I've got my roommate bill up in the audience, man.
I want to ask him.
All right, bill.
Hey, man! Hey, you, we're on tv, man! Okay, bill, what's the answer? Hey, bill.
Hey, dude, later, okay? Oh, no.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Go ahead, bro.
I've got you, man.
Is it a aa, b cd, C bc, or d d, d, d, d.
Come on, dude.
I'm going to go with "a, Because that's the first thing I learned here in school.
I'm going to go with "a.
" That's the only grade I've never had.
Yeah, "a.
" Man, you've got, like What was "b"? "b" was cd, man.
I'm going to go with "b" 'cause I "b" cool.
"b" cd whatever hip-hop.
You know what I'm saying? I've got to go with that, man.
Man, that's your final answer? Yeah, dude, it's my final answer.
Bummer.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Oh, man, it's like you might as well Have dressed yourself up as a mascot or something, 'cause it's like you're not the loser! I won? [ cheers and applause .]
Yes! I ain't stopping.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You get this one, you've got a million bucks, And you'll have more women Than any man could possibly hope for.
All right, dude.
Let's do it.
Menudo.
That's cow droppings? No, I'm giving you four distinct answers here.
I hope I didn't take one of them, dude.
No, not anymore.
Okay, menudo A a bunch of naked italian men 'kay.
B a musical group 'kay.
C a pie All right.
D two guys named reg.
Two guys named reg? You know what, dude? I've got to use another lifeline.
I want to make a call.
On the phone? On the phone, dude.
Okay.
It's to my girlfriend kathy.
I've got to break up with her anyway, So this is a good time.
Hey, kath.
Oh, my god! Ryan? Dude, hold on.
Britney, shut up.
It's ryan.
You looked so hot last night.
Shut up! Hey, I'm here with regis philbin, man.
I need some help.
All right.
Um, what can I do for you? Oh, like I haven't said that a million times.
All right, here's the question, okay? Okay, I'm listening.
What is cd? Is it "a" No, that was the first one.
Menudo.
Oh, menudo right, man.
Is it two italian guys, is it a group No, it's naked italian guys.
Naked italian guys, a group And there were "c" and "d," But it's not those.
It's not "c" and "d.
" which one is it? I don't know what you're talking about, But I'm going to say "b" is the second letter in the alphabet, And that means number two And that means me and you.
So you think it's a singing group? Okay, kath, thanks, and you know what? I think we should see other people.
No! Aah! You know what? I'm going to go with "b," dude.
I've got to say, that was pretty cold.
You should have waited another minute or two.
You just got the answer and then broke up.
Bill: Can I have her, bro? All ri yeah, man.
All right, your final answer is "b," A musical group.
It's "b," dude.
Man, maybe you shouldn't have broken up 'cause you're going to need all the loving you can get, Or maybe you could just buy hookers.
You are a millionaire! [ buzzer .]
We'll be right back With more "whose line is it anyway?" Right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" Hey, tonight the winner is kathy greenwood.
Kathy greenwood is the winner tonight.
We're going to do a game for you called "the hoedown," Our favorite game, With the help of laura hall on the piano.
What I need from the audience Is a suggestion of something that would change your life.
Lottery? Okay, lottery.
We're going to do lottery.
Lottery, that's a good one.
With the help of laura hall "the lo on the piano.
" okay, Whenever you're ready, take it away.
if I won the lottery I would do lots of good I would do exactly what a friend should because, you see, I love you guys let me explain I'd take all my money and buy colin some rogaine Wayne: 'cause I love you.
oh, I won the lottery a million smackeroos that'll really keep me in underoos the only thing that really is a bummer I can't spend the money 'cause I'm in jail for running numbers I have won the lottery my riches I can flaunt I don't care about anything I can do anything I want [ cheers and applause .]
I'm sure all thatoney would be really hard to spend I'm sure it seems like it would never, never end I could give it to charities or so I am told but I think I'll just have my penis dipped in gold All: my penis dipped in gold We'll be right back with more "whose line" Right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" We're going to end the show With someone reading the credits.
That someone is going to be kathy and wayne.
sinc by Gus
Full-bodied with a hint of strawberries Kathy greenwood.
Has a peculiar nose colin mochrie.
And take this back, it's gone bad Ryan stiles.
And I'm your host drew carey.
Come on down.
Let's have some fun.
Hello.
Thank you very much.
Hey, welcome to "whose line is it anyway?" Show number 302, The show where everything's made up And the points don't matter.
That's right, Just like the plot in "mission impossible 2," The points don't mean a thing.
You don't want to listen to me yapping all night.
Let's get started With a game called "questions only.
" Kathy and wayne, you're going to start.
The rest of you guys will come up on the side.
This is also a great party game.
They can only speak in questions, And when they make a mistake, they leave, Somebody else takes their place, And they continue speaking the questions, And we'll see who can stay out there the longest.
The scene is, kathy and wayne Are a couple honeymooning at the bates motel.
So whenever you're set, go ahead and start.
Questions only.
Are you sure this is where we should be? Are you ready for the big night? Do you mean what I think you mean? [ squeaks .]
Did you hear that? What are you talking about? Did you hear that noise? What noise? Are you as scared as I am? Are you a wuss? Am I going to be the first one to die, Like I always am? Are you kidding? This is our honeymoon.
Can you protect me? What do I have to do? Can you wear this riding crop And leather bandero? Do you know how to put these on? Uh, yeah.
[ buzzer .]
Have you seen my mother? Have you seen my husband? What does he look like? Aah! [ buzzer .]
Did you call a plumber? What's up? Something wrong with your shower? Wouldn't you be the one to know? Doesn't that say "plumber"? Should it be upside down like that? What are you, Some sort of wisecracker? [ mocking .]
what are you, Some sort of wisecracker? What's with the knife? O's asking? Can't you see it says "plumber"? What's that got to do with the knife? Are you going to stick that in my gut? Would you prefer somewhere else? Would you like me to get naked And climb into the shower? Do I have any other choice? [ buzzer .]
Do y think there's something weird Going on around here? Besides me being completely naked, you mean? Uh, do you think that's wrd? Ha ha ha.
[ buzzer .]
Honey, did you see That naked bald guy with the knife? [ buzzer .]
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm going to give each of you 5 Of our new wonder points.
These points have much more support? They're pushed up so you look more perky.
Let's go on to a game called "sound effects.
" Colin and ryan.
Now, colin's going to improvise a scene, But he has to respond to sound effects made by ryan.
Ryan has his own special spit-on microphone.
I won't let him use mine anymore.
The scene is, colin, you're a sumo wrestler.
Says you're a sumo wrestler Who wakes up on the day of a big match.
[ snoring rhythmically.]
Hi! Hi! Hi! Ohh.
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ grunting and wheezing .]
[ grunts .]
Ahh.
Ohh.
[ rasping .]
Ahh.
[ cheers and applause .]
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ creaking .]
[ imitates tire deflating .]
[ imitates second tire deflating .]
[ imitates japanese language .]
[ exaggerated clomping .]
[ imitates crowd cheering and hailing wrestler .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ grunting .]
[ growling .]
Ha.
Ohh.
[ grunting .]
Rip.
[ laughter and applause .]
Ha-hoy ha-hoy ha.
[ imitates scuffling .]
Ahh.
Ahh.
[ grunting .]
Aah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! [ buzzer .]
1,000 points for each of you.
You know what the scary part of that was? I think we just saw colin's "o" face.
All that straining and grunting and everything.
I just Remember? Yeah.
[ cheers and applause .]
Ohh! Ha ha ha! "3-headed broadway stars.
" This ifor ryan, colin, and wayne, With laura hall on piano And linda taylor on guitar.
They're going to hp you with this And, uh, blond woman over there in the center.
What's no, you.
Yeah.
What's your name? Brie? Come on over here, brie.
How are you doing? Nice to have you.
Just have a seat on the stool.
Guys, this is brie.
They're going to sing a broadway love song to you, So just have a seat on the stool.
Be comfortable.
That's all you've got to do.
They're going to sing a song to you As a strange, 3-headed broadway star Making up one word at a time, And what I need from the audiee is, If you had written a broadway love song And the song was "you are my 'blank,'" What would the "blankword be? What? Chilidog.
Ou are my chilidog.
" So, the song's going to be called "you are my chilidog.
" One word at a time, take it away.
you are my little chili dog I love you so much covered in beans and sour ream you are me love you always 'cause taste is paramount when you enter my room I eat your essce chili dog make e your I love you truly buns are firm meat is meat chili dogs cause your mind to day end flourish flourish flourish flour our All: ish [ cheers and applause .]
We got a little lost on that one.
Thank you, brie.
That was great.
Thank you very much.
We're going to go see a commercial.
We'll be right back with more "whose line" Right after this.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" The show where everything's made up And the points don't matter.
Yep, the points are just like Your high school guidance counselor.
We're going to continue with a game Called "scenes cut from a movie.
" Now, in this game, All four of you are going to act out scenes That have been cut from various famous films, And what famous films would the audience like to see? "gone with the wind.
" "green mile.
" "top gun.
" "close encounters.
" "sixth sense.
" "terminator.
" Okay, we have enough.
Uh, you guys are going to act out scenes That were cut from these famous films, Starting with "gone with the wind.
" Ha ha ha! Scarlett Want to play some cards? You deal.
Excuse me, scarlett, I don't know if you heard, but I'm leaving.
[ buzzer .]
"sixth sense.
" Think he sees us? Hey! Hey! Hey, little kid.
Look at him.
He peed himself.
[ buzzer .]
"terminator.
" Where is sarah connors? What do you want? I'm here to save you.
Oh, because you're a big man, Come to save the little woman.
Well, if that's the way [ imitates machinery .]
[ buzzer .]
See? "close encounters Of the third kind.
" E.
T.
Want lap dance.
All right, but you tickle.
[ giggles .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ buzzer .]
Well, that's not "close encounters.
" What am I doing? It's a space movie.
What do you want? "e.
T.
" "close encounters.
" I know, I know.
Just read your cards.
"the green mile," Which is how far I'm going to kick your ass.
"the green mile.
" "green mile.
" Okay, look The chair is broken, so [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
100 points apiece.
It's a shame we didn't get to "close encounters," That's all.
E.
T.
Uh, we're going to go on to a game now Called "the millionaire show.
" It's for colin.
You're going to be the host Of a show called "the millionaire show.
" Ryan, you're going to be the contestant on the show.
Kathy, you're the friend at home, And, wayne, you're the guy in the audience.
I know that's not a real thing on "the millionaire show," But you're a guy in the audience.
Colin, the twist that we're going to do here Is we're going to do the frat-boy version Of "the millionaire show.
" Whenever you're ready, take it away.
You still want to be a millionaire? Yeah, I do, man.
Whoo! Whoo! [ cheers and whistles .]
All right, dude, You are two questions away from $1 million That's so bogus, man.
So put your clothes back on and let's get to it.
All right! All right, here is the question.
Are you ready? I'm totally into it, man.
All right.
A compact disc Yeah, I know what that is.
Is also known as a aa, B cd, D or c bc, D d, d, d, d, d.
Which is it? Man, that's a lot of letters, man.
That's a lot of letters.
But you know what? You've only got to get two of them.
I've got my roommate bill up in the audience, man.
I want to ask him.
All right, bill.
Hey, man! Hey, you, we're on tv, man! Okay, bill, what's the answer? Hey, bill.
Hey, dude, later, okay? Oh, no.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Go ahead, bro.
I've got you, man.
Is it a aa, b cd, C bc, or d d, d, d, d.
Come on, dude.
I'm going to go with "a, Because that's the first thing I learned here in school.
I'm going to go with "a.
" That's the only grade I've never had.
Yeah, "a.
" Man, you've got, like What was "b"? "b" was cd, man.
I'm going to go with "b" 'cause I "b" cool.
"b" cd whatever hip-hop.
You know what I'm saying? I've got to go with that, man.
Man, that's your final answer? Yeah, dude, it's my final answer.
Bummer.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Oh, man, it's like you might as well Have dressed yourself up as a mascot or something, 'cause it's like you're not the loser! I won? [ cheers and applause .]
Yes! I ain't stopping.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You get this one, you've got a million bucks, And you'll have more women Than any man could possibly hope for.
All right, dude.
Let's do it.
Menudo.
That's cow droppings? No, I'm giving you four distinct answers here.
I hope I didn't take one of them, dude.
No, not anymore.
Okay, menudo A a bunch of naked italian men 'kay.
B a musical group 'kay.
C a pie All right.
D two guys named reg.
Two guys named reg? You know what, dude? I've got to use another lifeline.
I want to make a call.
On the phone? On the phone, dude.
Okay.
It's to my girlfriend kathy.
I've got to break up with her anyway, So this is a good time.
Hey, kath.
Oh, my god! Ryan? Dude, hold on.
Britney, shut up.
It's ryan.
You looked so hot last night.
Shut up! Hey, I'm here with regis philbin, man.
I need some help.
All right.
Um, what can I do for you? Oh, like I haven't said that a million times.
All right, here's the question, okay? Okay, I'm listening.
What is cd? Is it "a" No, that was the first one.
Menudo.
Oh, menudo right, man.
Is it two italian guys, is it a group No, it's naked italian guys.
Naked italian guys, a group And there were "c" and "d," But it's not those.
It's not "c" and "d.
" which one is it? I don't know what you're talking about, But I'm going to say "b" is the second letter in the alphabet, And that means number two And that means me and you.
So you think it's a singing group? Okay, kath, thanks, and you know what? I think we should see other people.
No! Aah! You know what? I'm going to go with "b," dude.
I've got to say, that was pretty cold.
You should have waited another minute or two.
You just got the answer and then broke up.
Bill: Can I have her, bro? All ri yeah, man.
All right, your final answer is "b," A musical group.
It's "b," dude.
Man, maybe you shouldn't have broken up 'cause you're going to need all the loving you can get, Or maybe you could just buy hookers.
You are a millionaire! [ buzzer .]
We'll be right back With more "whose line is it anyway?" Right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" Hey, tonight the winner is kathy greenwood.
Kathy greenwood is the winner tonight.
We're going to do a game for you called "the hoedown," Our favorite game, With the help of laura hall on the piano.
What I need from the audience Is a suggestion of something that would change your life.
Lottery? Okay, lottery.
We're going to do lottery.
Lottery, that's a good one.
With the help of laura hall "the lo on the piano.
" okay, Whenever you're ready, take it away.
if I won the lottery I would do lots of good I would do exactly what a friend should because, you see, I love you guys let me explain I'd take all my money and buy colin some rogaine Wayne: 'cause I love you.
oh, I won the lottery a million smackeroos that'll really keep me in underoos the only thing that really is a bummer I can't spend the money 'cause I'm in jail for running numbers I have won the lottery my riches I can flaunt I don't care about anything I can do anything I want [ cheers and applause .]
I'm sure all thatoney would be really hard to spend I'm sure it seems like it would never, never end I could give it to charities or so I am told but I think I'll just have my penis dipped in gold All: my penis dipped in gold We'll be right back with more "whose line" Right after this.
Don't go away.
Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?" We're going to end the show With someone reading the credits.
That someone is going to be kathy and wayne.
sinc by Gus