Greek s03e18 Episode Script
Camp Buy Me Love
I do not want to go to Yale a virgin, I have decided to lose my virginity to you, tonight.
I don't know what your problem is.
- Why do you even care anyway ? - Because I like you.
- What can I get you guys ? - Two Cosmos.
- What you doing ? - I care about you, too, that doesn't mean we need to be exclusive.
- You haven't been exclusive ? - Love doesn't work ! You know why you don't believe in love ? Because you're heartless.
I have made a pretty big decision myself.
This is a form for declaring a major.
I saw the form.
Why did you lie to me ? Why didn't you tell me you're nowhere close to picking a major ? I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
But the truth is, I'm not ready to graduate.
Hi.
Will you accept my a-pollen-gy ? "A-pollen-gy ?" It was either that or, "please flor-give me.
" I bought the flowers.
I didn't steal them from someone else's lawn.
So what do you say ? Come on, Case, we've barely spoken since Mardi Gras and now I'm apologizing.
Thank you for the flowers.
And how about the a-pollen-gy ? Do you really mean it ? Sure.
I'm sorry for our fight.
The fight ? That's it ? And anything else I may have done recently, hence the flowers.
Can we just make up and pretend this never happened ? When I thought I might have had a chance in DC you told me you wanted to declare a major, which implied that you wanted to move forward with us after graduation.
But now that you don't, I'm a little freaked out about us.
I have to get to class.
Cool ! Yeah, no, I'll just bring the flowers by later, then.
Your hair, it looks Like Madonna's Lucky Star video, 1983 ? Exactly ! I'm just trying out some looks for '80s Night at Dobler's.
Are you going ? Because you should really come and dress as Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles.
Or in The Breakfast Club.
Or Weird Science.
I might, but I wouldn't know who to take.
You see, I'm kind of in this complicated dating situation.
You see, there's Katherine and there's Dana.
I'm sort of dating Katherine, but Dana told me she likes me, too.
But if I'm gonna get into another relationship, I want to make sure that I have the right match.
So how serious is it with Katherine ? She asked me to take her virginity, but I turned her down.
What ? I left her a bunch of messages, but I haven't heard from her yet.
You're never gonna hear from her because she is never going to talk to you again.
You ran out on her when she tried to lose her virginity ? It wasn't because of her.
The circumstances were completely wrong.
She's gonna think you thought she was fat.
She's so not fat.
It doesn't matter.
She's a girl.
She's mortified, and you blew it.
Case closed.
Can anyone tell me what movie that was from ? - A-heezy ? - Can't Buy Me Love, 1987.
Yes ! Today we're looking at marketing in the 1980s and how companies started using movies to sell to teens.
Teens were finally recognized for their legitimate buying power.
They also flocked to movies that could be made on the cheap, and all it took to market them was one great pop song on the soundtrack.
Can anyone name one of these songs ? Anyone ? Anyone ? Anyone ? Bueller ? Get it ? Ferris Bueller So you're absolutely positive that I blew it with Katherine ? Yeah.
But doesn't that solve your problem ? You are free to date Dana.
She is perfect for you anyway.
She's pretty great.
What if she thinks that I slept with Katherine and I haven't talked to her since she told me she liked me ? I'm gonna go for Dana.
Oh, Rusty.
She thinks I think she's fat, too.
Yeah, probably.
-= 318 =- "Camp Buy Me Love" Kappa Team Hello.
Are you OK ? Yeah.
I haven't seen you in a few days.
How are you doing ? You don't have to give me that pitying look, like I'm some kindergartener who came to school with a maxi pad around her knee 'cause she thought it was a bandage.
And if that did happen, it would be a totally honest mistake - Your finger's stuck ? - No.
Let me help.
Nothing happened with Katherine after the Mardi Gras party.
Really ? - No.
- Even though she's blonde and leggy with high cheekbones and a sure thing ? Yeah.
That's right.
What I'm trying to say now is Dana, will you go out with me Saturday night ? I'll have to think about it.
I'm just kidding.
Of course I will.
Great.
I'm sorry, Case.
I just don't get why someone as smart and amazing as Cappie would want to stay in college forever.
I understand wanting to party and screw around for a while.
I've done plenty of that myself.
But I can't help but wonder if maybe you weren't right, Ash.
What if we are too different ? And what if we're not going to last forever ? No matter how much we try or how much we love each other.
I don't want to be right about that, so you need to address this with Cappie, head-on.
how do I address someone who says he might never want to leave college ? He can't possibly mean that.
That'd just be crazy ? Would it ? It's Cappie we're talking about here, and he definitely has his own way of doing things.
And didn't you kind of already know that when you got back together ? So why are you trying to change him now ? You're right.
I know.
I love Cappie, and I don't want to change him.
But if we're on completely different paths and he stays here forever we're never going to work, which scares the crap out of me.
Then you need to make him understand that.
Cheap beer and The Political Economy.
Evan, this is sad.
I am behind in my reading, and I can't afford good beer.
I guess the economy and I are both a bit depressed.
About Rebecca ? How could I have been so stupid ? You know, buying her that necklace with money I didn't have ? I put my position in the house at risk, not to mention my friendship with you.
And she slept with someone else.
- You have any idea who it was with ? - No.
I don't really care.
OK, I care a little.
God, why, when beer is called "something's best", - is it always the worst ? - Good question.
Grant went to Michigan to see Kylie Minogue, so I'm flying solo this weekend.
How about we go to this '80s party ? Everybody Wang Chung like a virgin ! Maybe if my jokes were better she wouldn't have cheated.
Look, don't beat yourself up about it, all right ? Everybody knows Rebecca Logan's got issues.
For what it's worth, I got the impression that she really did like you.
That's worth about as much as a bottle of Sandusky's Best.
Hey, Katherine.
- I don't think you're fat.
- Nor do I.
Oh, well, good.
But you're mad at me, though, right ? I see my failure to return all seven of your messages has not gone unnoticed.
Rusty, I'm not angry.
- You're not ? - Initially, I was.
It was very embarrassing.
But I realized you were right to withdraw when you did.
The timing was completely off, and for you to have the restraint to realize that in such a passionate moment really was the height of chivalry.
I'm completely mortified by my actions, and I'm hoping that we can move past this.
Of course we can.
So I guess we got through our first big fight.
You know what they say about relationships they all have speed bumps.
- Relationships ? - Furthermore, we should take it slow.
You know, no sex yet.
- Do you have plans tomorrow night ? - No.
Great.
We can go to the Dobler's '80s party together.
That's nice.
I never have any dates for these Greek events.
I'm late for my hierarchy and hegemony seminar, so we'll talk details later.
I promise I'll call you back.
I know how much you don't want to talk about this But we have to : graduation, our future, all of it.
We have to figure it out.
I mean, I am graduating in May.
And I might be leaving CRU.
But you might get into CRU Law and we don't have to worry about it.
- But what if I don't ? - But what if you do ? Look, if you go somewhere else, - then we'll just do long-distance.
- But for how long ? For 20 years, until you graduate ? How will that work ? Graduation is on May.
Why can't we deal with it then ? Because I'm not as good at living in the now as you.
I can't feel comfortable in our relationship not knowing - where we're going.
- You might be going to CRU Law.
- What if I don't ? - What if you do ? My God, Cappie ! You have to accept you can't be in college forever Surprise ! April ? Tobias ? What the hell are you guys doing here ? Too early for a philosophy quiz.
It's great to see you ! This must be Casey.
She's gorgeous ! Amazing eyes.
Who are you ? These are my parents.
So this is where the magic happens ? - Hurry up, Beav ! - Don't rush me.
- What color am I again ? - Red.
Damn it ! So, guys, I have a little problem.
I seem to have found myself dating two girls.
At the same time.
That's not enough ? You want a different girl for every night of the week ? - Way to be greedy.
- No.
I think two girls is one too many.
I think one girl's one too many.
I really need to figure this out.
Two girls liking me ? Never happened before.
It's like a syzygy or something.
- Yeah, it is ! - No.
A syzygy is the alignment of three or more celestial bodies along a straight line.
Never mind.
So, I need to figure out which one is better for me - and then go out with her.
- That sounds confusing.
- I say you just date them both.
- Never mind.
Is Cappie here ? Spitter.
There's nothing wrong with dating two chicks.
You just need to make sure they both know things are casual.
Keep saying the word "casual" and make sure one never finds out about the other.
- Lying helps.
- Beaver has a point.
How are you ever gonna figure out which one you like more - without dating both of them ? - That's true.
You really think I can pull that off ? Casual.
Thanks, guys.
Beav, I think Pledge Snuggie is your next move.
Pledge Snuggie, leapfrog Pledge Slanket and get kinged.
Great effort, pledge.
Let's get out of here.
I don't want to run into Rebecca.
She's not here.
She went to visit her mom.
- She did ? - Yeah.
We don't have to study at the union.
We can stay here.
I only have an hour 'cause I'm meeting Cappie and his parents for lunch.
Cappie's parents ? Yeah.
They dropped in for a surprise visit.
Sounds like April and Tobias.
They're pretty much the stereotype of the flaky hippies who never grew up ? Don't be such a snob.
They seem really nice and Cappie adores them.
It explains a lot about Cappie ? I'm sorry.
It's weird for you to talk to me about my relationship problems.
Are you and Cappie having relationship problems ? Never mind.
You can't be objective about Cappie.
There's too much baggage between you two.
Fair enough, but I can be objective about you.
Listen, you're never gonna be the aimless and groundless kind of people that they are.
And it is, it's fun at first, but it's not real, you know.
And with them here, you're gonna get to see that firsthand because I am pretty sure they are still exactly the same irresponsible people they were back at camp.
Good day to you.
- Deep-fried Divinity Square ? - Yeah.
Thanks.
Got the recipe from my church potluck last week.
- Evan, you want one ? - Yeah.
Wait.
The violent predator of Rusty Cartwright ? The betrayer of Cappie ? You'll get one of my deep-fried snacks when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
This this week sucks.
And does every ZBZ know about Rebecca cheating on me ? It really sucks to get cheated on, doesn't it ? You're right.
I'm sorry, Case.
I probably deserve it.
You know, truth is, though, Rebecca was always upfront with me about what she wanted and I was the one that tried to force the relationship into something it wasn't.
Right.
- These maple bars are good.
- I knew you'd like them.
I love the smell of maple, don't you ? Second only to the smell of blue permanent marker.
- I saw Katherine earlier.
- You did ? What did you say ? What did she say ? I didn't talk to her.
You know, I just sort of feel bad for her.
Are you guys friends now or - No ! - No ? Why not ? Because when I told her that you and I were casually dating, she was really mad.
She yelled a lot.
She told me to go suck on a lot of different things.
It was brutal.
Jeez.
I'm sorry to hear that.
But you know what ? You did the right thing and I'm sure she'll come to appreciate your honesty and the fact that you didn't just string her along only to dump her later.
You know, like some big fat jerk.
Right.
Like a big fat jerk.
We turned pledge checkers into pledge chess.
We haven't figured out how to play yet.
Chess is hard.
I know it's not exactly a future-oriented activity I get it.
I know.
I sound like a broken record.
Why don't we wait to talk about this until after your parents leave.
- Sounds great.
- Here they are, honey.
- Mr.
and Ms - Please.
April and Tobias.
Sorry we're early.
I always lose track of the time when I'm baked.
- Tobias.
- I'm kidding.
I love doing that.
People get so freaked out by hippie parents.
Cappie, we just stopped for gas and the attendant was such an interesting guy.
When I told him I was visiting my son and his lover, he told me about this fantastic campground just a few hours from here.
Apparently it's hidden away, so no fanny pack-wearing tourists, attracting bears with their Twinkies.
So what do you say ? We skip lunch and go camping.
It'll be like old times.
I brought my pan-flute.
I can make my bulghar burgers and my soy-mores.
I don't really have any equipment or It's OK.
Guys, why don't we just stick to lunch today ? Beaver ! My brother from another mother.
This guy ! It's your move, Cap.
Casey, I hope you don't think we were being too pushy with this whole camping idea.
We just thought it would be the perfect setting for us to have a serious conversation with Cappie.
About what ? Future stuff.
We just have some things we need to discuss.
The future ? Really ? You know what ? I am sure that I can rustle up a sleeping bag somewhere in the ZBZ house.
- Really ? - Let's go camping.
Okay, which of these do you like better ? I'm sold on the jellies, but then I watched Can't Buy Me Love last night, and I was reminded of the charm of ankle boots.
I was so born in the wrong decade.
I have no idea.
I need to talk to you about my dating situation again.
Perfect timing.
I spent all last night watching movies, pretty much the complete works of Molly Ringwald and then Just One of the Guys and Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
So I have watched many complicated dating scenarios.
I am now an expert.
OK, then.
Here's one.
Do you think it's possible for a guy to date two girls at once without lying and being a jerk ? I think you know how I feel about that subject.
I know and I don't want to be like Fisher, but it turns out Katherine and Dana both still like me.
Beaver says I should date them both.
- You asked Beaver ? - Cappie wasn't there.
How else will I know which one is the right choice without dating them both ? Why can't life be easy, like it is in those movies you watched ? Eighties rom-com dating is never easy.
You might have to give your underwear to a nerd, have to dress up like a guy and fall for your best friend who thinks you're a guy.
This was before people were allowed to be gay in movies.
On top of it all, your parents forget your birthday.
- Does that sound easy ? - No.
So, what do I do ? I don't want to screw this up.
Rusty, your situation is easy.
Dana is the girl for you.
Katherine isn't the underdog girl who dates the science nerd.
She's the imperious blonde who dates James Spader, the preppy jackass.
You're right.
I should stick with Dana.
It just feels right, when I'm with her.
That's important, isn't it ? Of course.
So you know what you have to do now.
You have to tell Katherine the truth.
I know.
It seems mosquitoes can't resist my citrus vanilla body splash.
You're getting eaten alive.
Thanks for being such a good sport about this.
You sure you don't mind missing the '80s party ? - Not at all.
- I mean, really, the '80s were a dark time.
Trickle-down economics, The Super Bowl Shuffle earning a Grammy nomination.
I gotta say I was looking forward to seeing you in that Madonna pointy cones thingamajig.
Who says I didn't bring it with me ? A joke ? A promise of sex ? Things are getting back to normal.
What say we get lost for a few hours while looking for some firewood ? And miss more stories about little Cappie ? Not a chance.
I'm very grateful my girlfriend knows that I wore hemp diapers until I was five.
We didn't want to rush you, no matter what that kindergarten teacher said.
- That's why we started homeschooling.
- We moved around so much anyway.
Montana, Nova Scotia.
Then we got that job with the theater company, so we were all over New England.
Lived in a few ashrams.
Look, this is his first grade picture.
My first grade picture was of a bunch of little girls with Hello Kitty barrettes and Disney princess dresses.
Well, this was taken in Vermont.
Then it was Panama, and then Seattle.
A riverboat along the Mississippi Delta.
I felt like Huck Finn.
I can't even imagine.
We moved down the street when I was in sixth grade and I cried for a year.
You can get used to anything, so I did.
That was a great blast from the past.
But, April, didn't you have something else you wanted to talk about ? Besides the past ? Well, not just yet.
How about some music ? Look.
Here she is.
Man.
Is that Eddie Murphy's outfit from Raw ? Jealous ? What are you wearing ? - I'll just take my socks off.
- That's weak.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm just not jaunty enough for the '80s today.
I just keep thinking about how I'm just the schmuck who gave away that necklace, which is now sitting somewhere in Rebecca's room just taunting me.
Look, I just can't take it anymore.
We need to go retrieve your manly dignity.
Rebecca's over you, so now it's time you got over her.
- Like how ? - Like we get that necklace back.
I'm not I can't do that, all right ? I'm taking the high road here.
But, I mean, if we were going to go get it back, how would that work ? We can't just walk up the stairs at ZBZ, you know ? No.
See, I think I may have someone on the inside to get us into that boy-free zone.
- You in ? - I'm in ! All right.
Schooled in manly dignity by a guy in purple leather.
It's going to get dark soon.
Should we set up the other tent ? What other tent ? - Looks like there's just one tent.
- Awesome, awesome.
All that body heat will keep us warm.
Don't worry, we'll give you two some private time.
Thanks.
Dinner is amazing, Mr - Sorry.
Tobias.
- Thank you.
Some more soy-mores ? Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Took me years to perfect those, but the bulghar burgers are all Cappie.
He came up with the recipe one summer when we spent the entire year at a - converted wheat silo.
- I was inspired by my surroundings.
He even got $1,000 in scholarship money from the Wheat Growers Society of America.
Really ? You can get a whole bunch of crazy-ass scholarships.
I mean, I got one for spelling, one for being ambidextrous, one for shaving "Stu's Steak Shack" on the back of my head for two months.
As vegetarians, we weren't too happy about that one, but we let it go.
He's such a smart kid.
You know, he has almost a free ride to CRU.
He is really smart.
I mean, he has taken so many different types of classes.
Knowing Cappie, he probably has enough credits to graduate already.
- Is that so ? - Cappie, why the rush ? Sounds like you're kind of overextending yourself here.
Stay at CRU until you're really ready to leave, no matter how long that takes.
Don't feel pressured by some bourgeois four-year construct.
Learning can be a lifelong process.
"Lifelong " ? Mom, Dad, Cassey, I assure you I have no intentions of rushing myself.
But, I mean, how is that even feasible ? Your scholarship money is going to run out sometime.
We have an inheritance from my father's free-range ostrich farm.
- He can stay as long as he likes.
- But why would you want him to stay at a college forever ? I mean, that's crazy.
We believe that life is about doing what you as a person need to do, not what society tells you to do.
I thought you were gonna back off about this.
I can't.
So, excuse me.
- Hi, Katherine.
- Hey, Rusty.
We need to talk about our date.
Is it a matter of dress formality or estimated time of arrival ? Because I'm very prompt.
No.
I can't go out with you.
I'm sorry.
But I'm dating Dana.
Is it because I'm weird ? No.
Dana's weird, too.
OK.
Is it because I'm a whore ? - Because I threw myself at you, or ? - You're not a whore, and no.
Well, I can't say that I'm not disappointed here, Rusty.
I thought I had truly found my match.
- I know how important that is.
- You know, I know I came on too strong, but I was so excited about finding a fellow amalgam like you, you know, a Greek who's also a geek.
I thought that we had a unique understanding of each other.
I know.
We do.
And I thought, you know, how perfect, someone who would really understand if I got caught up at a four-hour chapter meeting, and who would totally not make fun of me when I get so excited about just cracking open a brand-new textbook.
I would understand all that.
It does make sense.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, Rusty.
Then I guess I'll be going to Dobler's solo.
- Wait, I might be rethinking - Goodbye.
Crap.
What the hell was all that about ? I thought we agreed on putting a pin on the future stuff for now.
I thought your mother was going to talk to you about the future like a rational person instead of condoning this idea - you should stay in college forever.
- I don't see why it's such a big deal, especially since you might get into CRU law school.
- But what if I don't ? - But what if I do ? Please ! We can't do this again.
Is your mom playing Physical on the pan-flute ? Does she think we're going to do it in here ? Probably, yeah.
My God.
I love you.
And I want to be with you.
But I don't know how that can happen if you never want to graduate.
And beyond that, I see so much more out there for you.
You have the potential to do something extraordinary with your life.
So here we are again.
You want me to change and I don't want to.
You don't, do you ? You're going to be like your parents.
- That's what you want ? - Maybe, and what's wrong with that ? And what's wrong with growing up ? Back up.
Evan Chambers is your friend I'm supposed to help infiltrate ZBZ ? No way, no how.
Get out of here.
I'm not afraid to use this spatula.
- Come on, Dale.
- How about some Christian charity ? Don't use my faith as a cheap ploy, Chambers.
And I'm not one of those wussy, loving Christians, OK ? I believe in a scary God who brings hellfire to sinners like yourself.
Well, this is pointless, so I'm just gonna go.
Rebecca can keep the stupid necklace.
I don't even care.
- Wait, Rebecca Logan ? - Yeah.
Why didn't you say so ? I'd aid and abet Satan himself to bring down that icy temptress.
Welcome to ZBZ.
Cool.
So what's the plan ? 'Cause we gotta sneak past the girls, so maybe we need some kind of distraction.
I got that covered.
Hey, ladies ! Snickerdoodles in the kitchen ! Low-carb snickerdoodles ! Don't just stand there admiring me.
You've got five minutes to sneak through the door, before they realize these are made with high-fructose corn syrup.
Go ! Who knew Rebecca was such a minimalist ? You know, when you have no soul you don't crave the comfort of sentimental knick-knacks.
- You can't even tell they're low-carb.
- Dale should go on Top Chef.
Fat-free potato chips, girls ! OK, let's go.
Guess what ? They have a laxative effect.
She kept this from our first date.
- Why would she do that ? - I don't know.
Let's get the hell outta here.
These snickerdoodles taste carb-y.
- Are they ? - No.
Don't you lie to me, Dale.
This is my fifth one.
Would a loving Christian lie ? Dale, the girls left the dining room table a disaster.
- How impolite of them.
- Well, what are you waiting for ? The table's not going to clean itself.
No, it's not.
OK, I think I screwed up.
I dumped Katherine, but now I think I shouldn't have.
Because breaking up with her was like breaking up with myself.
The Greek-geek amalgam.
I've never met one before.
What if I never do again ? What if this is my only chance at finding my perfect counterpart ? - Wait, what about Dana ? - I know.
If you really think about it, though, isn't Katherine a better match ? Hold up.
Maybe I've got this all wrong.
Maybe Katherine isn't the imperious blonde.
She just looks like one.
She is an underdog, too.
It's like in The Breakfast Club where you find out Molly Ringwald has low self-esteem even though she's popular and hot.
Well, I don't think any of that matters because she's never gonna talk to me again after what I just did.
Not so fast.
The romantic comedy isn't over until the credits roll.
And even then, sometimes there's a funny part after the credits.
We have to find her, no matter how impossible it seems.
Even if she's about to get married or leaving for a semester at sea, or accidentally launching herself into space.
I think she's just at the '80s party at Dobler's.
Or that.
Yeah.
Let's go ! Casey, wait up ! - Are you going to the bathroom ? - There's a bathroom ? Sure, you just duck behind a tree and wipe with a leaf.
I don't really have to go.
I just wanted to be by myself for a little while.
Actually I wanted to talk to you.
Is everything okay with you and Cappie ? We had a fight.
Anything that can't be resolved ? For what it's worth, I know it meant a lot to him for you to come out here tonight.
You're the most important person in his life.
Thank you.
We moved around so much, he had trouble bonding with anyone other than us.
Sometimes I worry that it wasn't the best thing for him.
The place he's lived longest is the Kappa Tau house.
Well, Cappie's turned out to be such a great guy.
I'm sure you had a lot to do with that.
Thanks.
But you're the one now.
You're his new family.
You, and those boys.
You have been a good sport.
I know there's a lot of other things you'd rather be doing than spooning with a couple of aging hippies.
I could see that this is really not your thing.
Well, that's kind of what Cappie and I were fighting about.
It seems like his thing and my thing are different, and we haven't quite figured out how to make that work.
Honey, he loves you for who you are.
You can figure this out, and I really hope you do because he's gonna need you now more than ever.
What do you mean ? Tobias and I are splitting up.
Tobias is telling him right now.
You're getting divorced ? Oh no, hon.
We were never really married.
Except for that Navajo ceremony, but that was really more of a group love thing.
Anyway, we're going our separate ways.
But why ? We've been fighting a lot lately, and Tobias has this great opportunity in Austin and I'd rather stay in Maine.
I don't know.
Some things just stop working.
The funny thing is, as soon as we accepted it was going to be over, the fighting stopped.
The pressure was off.
But you guys seem to really love each other.
Isn't that worth fighting for ? Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love.
Some love stories are short stories.
But they are love stories all the same.
Don't use these.
They have kind of sharp edges, OK ? See you back at camp.
I'm gonna go do some yoga.
I guess '80s bad taste extends to beverages.
Here's to the closing of the Rebecca Logan chapter of my life.
That was pretty convincing.
Why are you still angsting ? Is it that stupid ticket stub ? I can't start trying to figure out her motives again.
You know ? It's too late.
Right.
You need to move on, all right ? You gotta find another girl to talk to.
Like Like her.
- What ? Katherine ? - Yeah I don't know.
She's a little intense.
You don't have to marry her.
Just talk to her.
Get back on your feet.
You know what ? You're right.
You're right.
I'm just gonna throw myself back out there.
All right.
Katherine ! You having fun ? I was going to say I'm not really into parties, but I won't.
Based on recent events, I think I need to be more of a people person.
Well, can I buy you a drink ? A sloe gin fizz would be fine.
My God ! Rusty, I got so caught up in your love story I forgot to put on my costume ! Really ? There Flashdance.
Look, there she is and she's alone.
Go talk to her ! Wait ! What are you gonna say ? If you don't mind, I'm gonna go off script on this one.
Improv.
How '90s.
You're right.
You go, you see her, you look her in the eye and in that moment, you just know.
Go.
Sorry it took so long.
The preppy jackass ! - What did you call me ? - You heard me.
Now just excuse us.
I have to talk to Katherine.
You just called me a jackass, so Rusty, look, why don't you just back off.
Evan's in a rough spot, he sorta broke up with Rebecca.
So he found out she slept with Beaver then ? What ? Beaver ? That piece of crap ? - That's my Bro you're talking about.
- Your brother can hardly stand upright.
Rebecca didn't think so.
Evan, what the hell ! You know what ? You're right.
I feel a lot better.
The preppy jackass strikes again.
Are you okay ? Yeah.
Evan and I have kind of a history.
Oh, dear.
Can I ask what you wanted to talk to me about ? I wanted to say Hi.
Happy '80s.
Hi.
Happy '80s to you.
OK, see you later, Rusty.
What happened ? Are you OK ? Yeah.
Evan's a jerk.
But he stopped me from making a mistake.
What do you mean ? I looked into her eyes, like you said.
I realized that I wanted a girl who spits her gum out accidentally, and wears a maxi-pad around her knee, and bakes really good maple bars just to make me feel cozy.
A girl who that enough confidence to turn me down flat when I was dumb enough to overlook her.
That doesn't even - sound like a real person.
- It is.
Katherine and I are a lot alike, that's true.
But Dana gives me something more.
She inspires me.
She's proud of who she is.
That's who I want to be.
That's who I want to be with.
Is that from Adventures in Babysitting ? It's not from anything.
That's how I feel.
But I already left Dana a message breaking our date.
It's too late.
Maybe not yet.
I have one more movie idea.
Come on.
Moi ? So I guess you heard.
I'm so sorry, Cap.
You know, looking back at the past day, all the signs were there.
They weren't making out in front of me nearly as much as usual.
I'm sorry if I made everything worse.
But there's something I want to talk to you about.
I'm really not in the mood right now Wait.
Just listen, okay ? I'm sorry I tried to change you.
I won't do that anymore.
I can accept you, just the way you are.
What about graduation ? And May ? We'll worry about that in May.
Dana Stockwell ! Crap.
We forgot the Peter Gabriel.
See if you can find something on the radio.
It's Rusty ! I made a mistake and I'm really, really sorry ! We are back and now with the weather - If you're there.
- Who're you Lloyd-Doblering ? You.
Didn't you get my message ? - Yeah.
About captions ? I agree.
- What ? There was a lot of static, but you said we needed to talk ? It sounded like you like captions ? I assumed you meant for the written report for the grant project.
The Yes.
That is what I meant.
Captions will make the illustrations so much clearer ! Did you need to talk to me about anything else ? No.
That's the moment.
- Hey, Ash.
- Hey, happy camper ! Oh no, it was that bad ? We camped.
We ate.
We talked.
There was flute-playing.
And I finally woke up.
In a tent, right ? Was it really uncomfortable ? It was surprisingly comfortable once I let go.
So, how are things with Cappie ? Well, we're not fighting anymore.
Great.
This whole time I've been trying so hard to get him to wake up and face reality.
But really, it was me who needed to face reality.
What do you mean ? Cappie and I aren't built to last, Ash.
We work here, in college.
And I don't think we'll work anywhere else.
No.
You can make it work.
There's There's gotta be like, a movie, or something.
Why did I put all my Dvds away ? Where's St.
Elmo's Fire ? No, it's okay.
It's okay, Ash.
I'm okay with it.
Cappie and I aren't a movie.
We're a short story.
But a really good one.
I don't know what your problem is.
- Why do you even care anyway ? - Because I like you.
- What can I get you guys ? - Two Cosmos.
- What you doing ? - I care about you, too, that doesn't mean we need to be exclusive.
- You haven't been exclusive ? - Love doesn't work ! You know why you don't believe in love ? Because you're heartless.
I have made a pretty big decision myself.
This is a form for declaring a major.
I saw the form.
Why did you lie to me ? Why didn't you tell me you're nowhere close to picking a major ? I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
But the truth is, I'm not ready to graduate.
Hi.
Will you accept my a-pollen-gy ? "A-pollen-gy ?" It was either that or, "please flor-give me.
" I bought the flowers.
I didn't steal them from someone else's lawn.
So what do you say ? Come on, Case, we've barely spoken since Mardi Gras and now I'm apologizing.
Thank you for the flowers.
And how about the a-pollen-gy ? Do you really mean it ? Sure.
I'm sorry for our fight.
The fight ? That's it ? And anything else I may have done recently, hence the flowers.
Can we just make up and pretend this never happened ? When I thought I might have had a chance in DC you told me you wanted to declare a major, which implied that you wanted to move forward with us after graduation.
But now that you don't, I'm a little freaked out about us.
I have to get to class.
Cool ! Yeah, no, I'll just bring the flowers by later, then.
Your hair, it looks Like Madonna's Lucky Star video, 1983 ? Exactly ! I'm just trying out some looks for '80s Night at Dobler's.
Are you going ? Because you should really come and dress as Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles.
Or in The Breakfast Club.
Or Weird Science.
I might, but I wouldn't know who to take.
You see, I'm kind of in this complicated dating situation.
You see, there's Katherine and there's Dana.
I'm sort of dating Katherine, but Dana told me she likes me, too.
But if I'm gonna get into another relationship, I want to make sure that I have the right match.
So how serious is it with Katherine ? She asked me to take her virginity, but I turned her down.
What ? I left her a bunch of messages, but I haven't heard from her yet.
You're never gonna hear from her because she is never going to talk to you again.
You ran out on her when she tried to lose her virginity ? It wasn't because of her.
The circumstances were completely wrong.
She's gonna think you thought she was fat.
She's so not fat.
It doesn't matter.
She's a girl.
She's mortified, and you blew it.
Case closed.
Can anyone tell me what movie that was from ? - A-heezy ? - Can't Buy Me Love, 1987.
Yes ! Today we're looking at marketing in the 1980s and how companies started using movies to sell to teens.
Teens were finally recognized for their legitimate buying power.
They also flocked to movies that could be made on the cheap, and all it took to market them was one great pop song on the soundtrack.
Can anyone name one of these songs ? Anyone ? Anyone ? Anyone ? Bueller ? Get it ? Ferris Bueller So you're absolutely positive that I blew it with Katherine ? Yeah.
But doesn't that solve your problem ? You are free to date Dana.
She is perfect for you anyway.
She's pretty great.
What if she thinks that I slept with Katherine and I haven't talked to her since she told me she liked me ? I'm gonna go for Dana.
Oh, Rusty.
She thinks I think she's fat, too.
Yeah, probably.
-= 318 =- "Camp Buy Me Love" Kappa Team Hello.
Are you OK ? Yeah.
I haven't seen you in a few days.
How are you doing ? You don't have to give me that pitying look, like I'm some kindergartener who came to school with a maxi pad around her knee 'cause she thought it was a bandage.
And if that did happen, it would be a totally honest mistake - Your finger's stuck ? - No.
Let me help.
Nothing happened with Katherine after the Mardi Gras party.
Really ? - No.
- Even though she's blonde and leggy with high cheekbones and a sure thing ? Yeah.
That's right.
What I'm trying to say now is Dana, will you go out with me Saturday night ? I'll have to think about it.
I'm just kidding.
Of course I will.
Great.
I'm sorry, Case.
I just don't get why someone as smart and amazing as Cappie would want to stay in college forever.
I understand wanting to party and screw around for a while.
I've done plenty of that myself.
But I can't help but wonder if maybe you weren't right, Ash.
What if we are too different ? And what if we're not going to last forever ? No matter how much we try or how much we love each other.
I don't want to be right about that, so you need to address this with Cappie, head-on.
how do I address someone who says he might never want to leave college ? He can't possibly mean that.
That'd just be crazy ? Would it ? It's Cappie we're talking about here, and he definitely has his own way of doing things.
And didn't you kind of already know that when you got back together ? So why are you trying to change him now ? You're right.
I know.
I love Cappie, and I don't want to change him.
But if we're on completely different paths and he stays here forever we're never going to work, which scares the crap out of me.
Then you need to make him understand that.
Cheap beer and The Political Economy.
Evan, this is sad.
I am behind in my reading, and I can't afford good beer.
I guess the economy and I are both a bit depressed.
About Rebecca ? How could I have been so stupid ? You know, buying her that necklace with money I didn't have ? I put my position in the house at risk, not to mention my friendship with you.
And she slept with someone else.
- You have any idea who it was with ? - No.
I don't really care.
OK, I care a little.
God, why, when beer is called "something's best", - is it always the worst ? - Good question.
Grant went to Michigan to see Kylie Minogue, so I'm flying solo this weekend.
How about we go to this '80s party ? Everybody Wang Chung like a virgin ! Maybe if my jokes were better she wouldn't have cheated.
Look, don't beat yourself up about it, all right ? Everybody knows Rebecca Logan's got issues.
For what it's worth, I got the impression that she really did like you.
That's worth about as much as a bottle of Sandusky's Best.
Hey, Katherine.
- I don't think you're fat.
- Nor do I.
Oh, well, good.
But you're mad at me, though, right ? I see my failure to return all seven of your messages has not gone unnoticed.
Rusty, I'm not angry.
- You're not ? - Initially, I was.
It was very embarrassing.
But I realized you were right to withdraw when you did.
The timing was completely off, and for you to have the restraint to realize that in such a passionate moment really was the height of chivalry.
I'm completely mortified by my actions, and I'm hoping that we can move past this.
Of course we can.
So I guess we got through our first big fight.
You know what they say about relationships they all have speed bumps.
- Relationships ? - Furthermore, we should take it slow.
You know, no sex yet.
- Do you have plans tomorrow night ? - No.
Great.
We can go to the Dobler's '80s party together.
That's nice.
I never have any dates for these Greek events.
I'm late for my hierarchy and hegemony seminar, so we'll talk details later.
I promise I'll call you back.
I know how much you don't want to talk about this But we have to : graduation, our future, all of it.
We have to figure it out.
I mean, I am graduating in May.
And I might be leaving CRU.
But you might get into CRU Law and we don't have to worry about it.
- But what if I don't ? - But what if you do ? Look, if you go somewhere else, - then we'll just do long-distance.
- But for how long ? For 20 years, until you graduate ? How will that work ? Graduation is on May.
Why can't we deal with it then ? Because I'm not as good at living in the now as you.
I can't feel comfortable in our relationship not knowing - where we're going.
- You might be going to CRU Law.
- What if I don't ? - What if you do ? My God, Cappie ! You have to accept you can't be in college forever Surprise ! April ? Tobias ? What the hell are you guys doing here ? Too early for a philosophy quiz.
It's great to see you ! This must be Casey.
She's gorgeous ! Amazing eyes.
Who are you ? These are my parents.
So this is where the magic happens ? - Hurry up, Beav ! - Don't rush me.
- What color am I again ? - Red.
Damn it ! So, guys, I have a little problem.
I seem to have found myself dating two girls.
At the same time.
That's not enough ? You want a different girl for every night of the week ? - Way to be greedy.
- No.
I think two girls is one too many.
I think one girl's one too many.
I really need to figure this out.
Two girls liking me ? Never happened before.
It's like a syzygy or something.
- Yeah, it is ! - No.
A syzygy is the alignment of three or more celestial bodies along a straight line.
Never mind.
So, I need to figure out which one is better for me - and then go out with her.
- That sounds confusing.
- I say you just date them both.
- Never mind.
Is Cappie here ? Spitter.
There's nothing wrong with dating two chicks.
You just need to make sure they both know things are casual.
Keep saying the word "casual" and make sure one never finds out about the other.
- Lying helps.
- Beaver has a point.
How are you ever gonna figure out which one you like more - without dating both of them ? - That's true.
You really think I can pull that off ? Casual.
Thanks, guys.
Beav, I think Pledge Snuggie is your next move.
Pledge Snuggie, leapfrog Pledge Slanket and get kinged.
Great effort, pledge.
Let's get out of here.
I don't want to run into Rebecca.
She's not here.
She went to visit her mom.
- She did ? - Yeah.
We don't have to study at the union.
We can stay here.
I only have an hour 'cause I'm meeting Cappie and his parents for lunch.
Cappie's parents ? Yeah.
They dropped in for a surprise visit.
Sounds like April and Tobias.
They're pretty much the stereotype of the flaky hippies who never grew up ? Don't be such a snob.
They seem really nice and Cappie adores them.
It explains a lot about Cappie ? I'm sorry.
It's weird for you to talk to me about my relationship problems.
Are you and Cappie having relationship problems ? Never mind.
You can't be objective about Cappie.
There's too much baggage between you two.
Fair enough, but I can be objective about you.
Listen, you're never gonna be the aimless and groundless kind of people that they are.
And it is, it's fun at first, but it's not real, you know.
And with them here, you're gonna get to see that firsthand because I am pretty sure they are still exactly the same irresponsible people they were back at camp.
Good day to you.
- Deep-fried Divinity Square ? - Yeah.
Thanks.
Got the recipe from my church potluck last week.
- Evan, you want one ? - Yeah.
Wait.
The violent predator of Rusty Cartwright ? The betrayer of Cappie ? You'll get one of my deep-fried snacks when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
This this week sucks.
And does every ZBZ know about Rebecca cheating on me ? It really sucks to get cheated on, doesn't it ? You're right.
I'm sorry, Case.
I probably deserve it.
You know, truth is, though, Rebecca was always upfront with me about what she wanted and I was the one that tried to force the relationship into something it wasn't.
Right.
- These maple bars are good.
- I knew you'd like them.
I love the smell of maple, don't you ? Second only to the smell of blue permanent marker.
- I saw Katherine earlier.
- You did ? What did you say ? What did she say ? I didn't talk to her.
You know, I just sort of feel bad for her.
Are you guys friends now or - No ! - No ? Why not ? Because when I told her that you and I were casually dating, she was really mad.
She yelled a lot.
She told me to go suck on a lot of different things.
It was brutal.
Jeez.
I'm sorry to hear that.
But you know what ? You did the right thing and I'm sure she'll come to appreciate your honesty and the fact that you didn't just string her along only to dump her later.
You know, like some big fat jerk.
Right.
Like a big fat jerk.
We turned pledge checkers into pledge chess.
We haven't figured out how to play yet.
Chess is hard.
I know it's not exactly a future-oriented activity I get it.
I know.
I sound like a broken record.
Why don't we wait to talk about this until after your parents leave.
- Sounds great.
- Here they are, honey.
- Mr.
and Ms - Please.
April and Tobias.
Sorry we're early.
I always lose track of the time when I'm baked.
- Tobias.
- I'm kidding.
I love doing that.
People get so freaked out by hippie parents.
Cappie, we just stopped for gas and the attendant was such an interesting guy.
When I told him I was visiting my son and his lover, he told me about this fantastic campground just a few hours from here.
Apparently it's hidden away, so no fanny pack-wearing tourists, attracting bears with their Twinkies.
So what do you say ? We skip lunch and go camping.
It'll be like old times.
I brought my pan-flute.
I can make my bulghar burgers and my soy-mores.
I don't really have any equipment or It's OK.
Guys, why don't we just stick to lunch today ? Beaver ! My brother from another mother.
This guy ! It's your move, Cap.
Casey, I hope you don't think we were being too pushy with this whole camping idea.
We just thought it would be the perfect setting for us to have a serious conversation with Cappie.
About what ? Future stuff.
We just have some things we need to discuss.
The future ? Really ? You know what ? I am sure that I can rustle up a sleeping bag somewhere in the ZBZ house.
- Really ? - Let's go camping.
Okay, which of these do you like better ? I'm sold on the jellies, but then I watched Can't Buy Me Love last night, and I was reminded of the charm of ankle boots.
I was so born in the wrong decade.
I have no idea.
I need to talk to you about my dating situation again.
Perfect timing.
I spent all last night watching movies, pretty much the complete works of Molly Ringwald and then Just One of the Guys and Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
So I have watched many complicated dating scenarios.
I am now an expert.
OK, then.
Here's one.
Do you think it's possible for a guy to date two girls at once without lying and being a jerk ? I think you know how I feel about that subject.
I know and I don't want to be like Fisher, but it turns out Katherine and Dana both still like me.
Beaver says I should date them both.
- You asked Beaver ? - Cappie wasn't there.
How else will I know which one is the right choice without dating them both ? Why can't life be easy, like it is in those movies you watched ? Eighties rom-com dating is never easy.
You might have to give your underwear to a nerd, have to dress up like a guy and fall for your best friend who thinks you're a guy.
This was before people were allowed to be gay in movies.
On top of it all, your parents forget your birthday.
- Does that sound easy ? - No.
So, what do I do ? I don't want to screw this up.
Rusty, your situation is easy.
Dana is the girl for you.
Katherine isn't the underdog girl who dates the science nerd.
She's the imperious blonde who dates James Spader, the preppy jackass.
You're right.
I should stick with Dana.
It just feels right, when I'm with her.
That's important, isn't it ? Of course.
So you know what you have to do now.
You have to tell Katherine the truth.
I know.
It seems mosquitoes can't resist my citrus vanilla body splash.
You're getting eaten alive.
Thanks for being such a good sport about this.
You sure you don't mind missing the '80s party ? - Not at all.
- I mean, really, the '80s were a dark time.
Trickle-down economics, The Super Bowl Shuffle earning a Grammy nomination.
I gotta say I was looking forward to seeing you in that Madonna pointy cones thingamajig.
Who says I didn't bring it with me ? A joke ? A promise of sex ? Things are getting back to normal.
What say we get lost for a few hours while looking for some firewood ? And miss more stories about little Cappie ? Not a chance.
I'm very grateful my girlfriend knows that I wore hemp diapers until I was five.
We didn't want to rush you, no matter what that kindergarten teacher said.
- That's why we started homeschooling.
- We moved around so much anyway.
Montana, Nova Scotia.
Then we got that job with the theater company, so we were all over New England.
Lived in a few ashrams.
Look, this is his first grade picture.
My first grade picture was of a bunch of little girls with Hello Kitty barrettes and Disney princess dresses.
Well, this was taken in Vermont.
Then it was Panama, and then Seattle.
A riverboat along the Mississippi Delta.
I felt like Huck Finn.
I can't even imagine.
We moved down the street when I was in sixth grade and I cried for a year.
You can get used to anything, so I did.
That was a great blast from the past.
But, April, didn't you have something else you wanted to talk about ? Besides the past ? Well, not just yet.
How about some music ? Look.
Here she is.
Man.
Is that Eddie Murphy's outfit from Raw ? Jealous ? What are you wearing ? - I'll just take my socks off.
- That's weak.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm just not jaunty enough for the '80s today.
I just keep thinking about how I'm just the schmuck who gave away that necklace, which is now sitting somewhere in Rebecca's room just taunting me.
Look, I just can't take it anymore.
We need to go retrieve your manly dignity.
Rebecca's over you, so now it's time you got over her.
- Like how ? - Like we get that necklace back.
I'm not I can't do that, all right ? I'm taking the high road here.
But, I mean, if we were going to go get it back, how would that work ? We can't just walk up the stairs at ZBZ, you know ? No.
See, I think I may have someone on the inside to get us into that boy-free zone.
- You in ? - I'm in ! All right.
Schooled in manly dignity by a guy in purple leather.
It's going to get dark soon.
Should we set up the other tent ? What other tent ? - Looks like there's just one tent.
- Awesome, awesome.
All that body heat will keep us warm.
Don't worry, we'll give you two some private time.
Thanks.
Dinner is amazing, Mr - Sorry.
Tobias.
- Thank you.
Some more soy-mores ? Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Took me years to perfect those, but the bulghar burgers are all Cappie.
He came up with the recipe one summer when we spent the entire year at a - converted wheat silo.
- I was inspired by my surroundings.
He even got $1,000 in scholarship money from the Wheat Growers Society of America.
Really ? You can get a whole bunch of crazy-ass scholarships.
I mean, I got one for spelling, one for being ambidextrous, one for shaving "Stu's Steak Shack" on the back of my head for two months.
As vegetarians, we weren't too happy about that one, but we let it go.
He's such a smart kid.
You know, he has almost a free ride to CRU.
He is really smart.
I mean, he has taken so many different types of classes.
Knowing Cappie, he probably has enough credits to graduate already.
- Is that so ? - Cappie, why the rush ? Sounds like you're kind of overextending yourself here.
Stay at CRU until you're really ready to leave, no matter how long that takes.
Don't feel pressured by some bourgeois four-year construct.
Learning can be a lifelong process.
"Lifelong " ? Mom, Dad, Cassey, I assure you I have no intentions of rushing myself.
But, I mean, how is that even feasible ? Your scholarship money is going to run out sometime.
We have an inheritance from my father's free-range ostrich farm.
- He can stay as long as he likes.
- But why would you want him to stay at a college forever ? I mean, that's crazy.
We believe that life is about doing what you as a person need to do, not what society tells you to do.
I thought you were gonna back off about this.
I can't.
So, excuse me.
- Hi, Katherine.
- Hey, Rusty.
We need to talk about our date.
Is it a matter of dress formality or estimated time of arrival ? Because I'm very prompt.
No.
I can't go out with you.
I'm sorry.
But I'm dating Dana.
Is it because I'm weird ? No.
Dana's weird, too.
OK.
Is it because I'm a whore ? - Because I threw myself at you, or ? - You're not a whore, and no.
Well, I can't say that I'm not disappointed here, Rusty.
I thought I had truly found my match.
- I know how important that is.
- You know, I know I came on too strong, but I was so excited about finding a fellow amalgam like you, you know, a Greek who's also a geek.
I thought that we had a unique understanding of each other.
I know.
We do.
And I thought, you know, how perfect, someone who would really understand if I got caught up at a four-hour chapter meeting, and who would totally not make fun of me when I get so excited about just cracking open a brand-new textbook.
I would understand all that.
It does make sense.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, Rusty.
Then I guess I'll be going to Dobler's solo.
- Wait, I might be rethinking - Goodbye.
Crap.
What the hell was all that about ? I thought we agreed on putting a pin on the future stuff for now.
I thought your mother was going to talk to you about the future like a rational person instead of condoning this idea - you should stay in college forever.
- I don't see why it's such a big deal, especially since you might get into CRU law school.
- But what if I don't ? - But what if I do ? Please ! We can't do this again.
Is your mom playing Physical on the pan-flute ? Does she think we're going to do it in here ? Probably, yeah.
My God.
I love you.
And I want to be with you.
But I don't know how that can happen if you never want to graduate.
And beyond that, I see so much more out there for you.
You have the potential to do something extraordinary with your life.
So here we are again.
You want me to change and I don't want to.
You don't, do you ? You're going to be like your parents.
- That's what you want ? - Maybe, and what's wrong with that ? And what's wrong with growing up ? Back up.
Evan Chambers is your friend I'm supposed to help infiltrate ZBZ ? No way, no how.
Get out of here.
I'm not afraid to use this spatula.
- Come on, Dale.
- How about some Christian charity ? Don't use my faith as a cheap ploy, Chambers.
And I'm not one of those wussy, loving Christians, OK ? I believe in a scary God who brings hellfire to sinners like yourself.
Well, this is pointless, so I'm just gonna go.
Rebecca can keep the stupid necklace.
I don't even care.
- Wait, Rebecca Logan ? - Yeah.
Why didn't you say so ? I'd aid and abet Satan himself to bring down that icy temptress.
Welcome to ZBZ.
Cool.
So what's the plan ? 'Cause we gotta sneak past the girls, so maybe we need some kind of distraction.
I got that covered.
Hey, ladies ! Snickerdoodles in the kitchen ! Low-carb snickerdoodles ! Don't just stand there admiring me.
You've got five minutes to sneak through the door, before they realize these are made with high-fructose corn syrup.
Go ! Who knew Rebecca was such a minimalist ? You know, when you have no soul you don't crave the comfort of sentimental knick-knacks.
- You can't even tell they're low-carb.
- Dale should go on Top Chef.
Fat-free potato chips, girls ! OK, let's go.
Guess what ? They have a laxative effect.
She kept this from our first date.
- Why would she do that ? - I don't know.
Let's get the hell outta here.
These snickerdoodles taste carb-y.
- Are they ? - No.
Don't you lie to me, Dale.
This is my fifth one.
Would a loving Christian lie ? Dale, the girls left the dining room table a disaster.
- How impolite of them.
- Well, what are you waiting for ? The table's not going to clean itself.
No, it's not.
OK, I think I screwed up.
I dumped Katherine, but now I think I shouldn't have.
Because breaking up with her was like breaking up with myself.
The Greek-geek amalgam.
I've never met one before.
What if I never do again ? What if this is my only chance at finding my perfect counterpart ? - Wait, what about Dana ? - I know.
If you really think about it, though, isn't Katherine a better match ? Hold up.
Maybe I've got this all wrong.
Maybe Katherine isn't the imperious blonde.
She just looks like one.
She is an underdog, too.
It's like in The Breakfast Club where you find out Molly Ringwald has low self-esteem even though she's popular and hot.
Well, I don't think any of that matters because she's never gonna talk to me again after what I just did.
Not so fast.
The romantic comedy isn't over until the credits roll.
And even then, sometimes there's a funny part after the credits.
We have to find her, no matter how impossible it seems.
Even if she's about to get married or leaving for a semester at sea, or accidentally launching herself into space.
I think she's just at the '80s party at Dobler's.
Or that.
Yeah.
Let's go ! Casey, wait up ! - Are you going to the bathroom ? - There's a bathroom ? Sure, you just duck behind a tree and wipe with a leaf.
I don't really have to go.
I just wanted to be by myself for a little while.
Actually I wanted to talk to you.
Is everything okay with you and Cappie ? We had a fight.
Anything that can't be resolved ? For what it's worth, I know it meant a lot to him for you to come out here tonight.
You're the most important person in his life.
Thank you.
We moved around so much, he had trouble bonding with anyone other than us.
Sometimes I worry that it wasn't the best thing for him.
The place he's lived longest is the Kappa Tau house.
Well, Cappie's turned out to be such a great guy.
I'm sure you had a lot to do with that.
Thanks.
But you're the one now.
You're his new family.
You, and those boys.
You have been a good sport.
I know there's a lot of other things you'd rather be doing than spooning with a couple of aging hippies.
I could see that this is really not your thing.
Well, that's kind of what Cappie and I were fighting about.
It seems like his thing and my thing are different, and we haven't quite figured out how to make that work.
Honey, he loves you for who you are.
You can figure this out, and I really hope you do because he's gonna need you now more than ever.
What do you mean ? Tobias and I are splitting up.
Tobias is telling him right now.
You're getting divorced ? Oh no, hon.
We were never really married.
Except for that Navajo ceremony, but that was really more of a group love thing.
Anyway, we're going our separate ways.
But why ? We've been fighting a lot lately, and Tobias has this great opportunity in Austin and I'd rather stay in Maine.
I don't know.
Some things just stop working.
The funny thing is, as soon as we accepted it was going to be over, the fighting stopped.
The pressure was off.
But you guys seem to really love each other.
Isn't that worth fighting for ? Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love.
Some love stories are short stories.
But they are love stories all the same.
Don't use these.
They have kind of sharp edges, OK ? See you back at camp.
I'm gonna go do some yoga.
I guess '80s bad taste extends to beverages.
Here's to the closing of the Rebecca Logan chapter of my life.
That was pretty convincing.
Why are you still angsting ? Is it that stupid ticket stub ? I can't start trying to figure out her motives again.
You know ? It's too late.
Right.
You need to move on, all right ? You gotta find another girl to talk to.
Like Like her.
- What ? Katherine ? - Yeah I don't know.
She's a little intense.
You don't have to marry her.
Just talk to her.
Get back on your feet.
You know what ? You're right.
You're right.
I'm just gonna throw myself back out there.
All right.
Katherine ! You having fun ? I was going to say I'm not really into parties, but I won't.
Based on recent events, I think I need to be more of a people person.
Well, can I buy you a drink ? A sloe gin fizz would be fine.
My God ! Rusty, I got so caught up in your love story I forgot to put on my costume ! Really ? There Flashdance.
Look, there she is and she's alone.
Go talk to her ! Wait ! What are you gonna say ? If you don't mind, I'm gonna go off script on this one.
Improv.
How '90s.
You're right.
You go, you see her, you look her in the eye and in that moment, you just know.
Go.
Sorry it took so long.
The preppy jackass ! - What did you call me ? - You heard me.
Now just excuse us.
I have to talk to Katherine.
You just called me a jackass, so Rusty, look, why don't you just back off.
Evan's in a rough spot, he sorta broke up with Rebecca.
So he found out she slept with Beaver then ? What ? Beaver ? That piece of crap ? - That's my Bro you're talking about.
- Your brother can hardly stand upright.
Rebecca didn't think so.
Evan, what the hell ! You know what ? You're right.
I feel a lot better.
The preppy jackass strikes again.
Are you okay ? Yeah.
Evan and I have kind of a history.
Oh, dear.
Can I ask what you wanted to talk to me about ? I wanted to say Hi.
Happy '80s.
Hi.
Happy '80s to you.
OK, see you later, Rusty.
What happened ? Are you OK ? Yeah.
Evan's a jerk.
But he stopped me from making a mistake.
What do you mean ? I looked into her eyes, like you said.
I realized that I wanted a girl who spits her gum out accidentally, and wears a maxi-pad around her knee, and bakes really good maple bars just to make me feel cozy.
A girl who that enough confidence to turn me down flat when I was dumb enough to overlook her.
That doesn't even - sound like a real person.
- It is.
Katherine and I are a lot alike, that's true.
But Dana gives me something more.
She inspires me.
She's proud of who she is.
That's who I want to be.
That's who I want to be with.
Is that from Adventures in Babysitting ? It's not from anything.
That's how I feel.
But I already left Dana a message breaking our date.
It's too late.
Maybe not yet.
I have one more movie idea.
Come on.
Moi ? So I guess you heard.
I'm so sorry, Cap.
You know, looking back at the past day, all the signs were there.
They weren't making out in front of me nearly as much as usual.
I'm sorry if I made everything worse.
But there's something I want to talk to you about.
I'm really not in the mood right now Wait.
Just listen, okay ? I'm sorry I tried to change you.
I won't do that anymore.
I can accept you, just the way you are.
What about graduation ? And May ? We'll worry about that in May.
Dana Stockwell ! Crap.
We forgot the Peter Gabriel.
See if you can find something on the radio.
It's Rusty ! I made a mistake and I'm really, really sorry ! We are back and now with the weather - If you're there.
- Who're you Lloyd-Doblering ? You.
Didn't you get my message ? - Yeah.
About captions ? I agree.
- What ? There was a lot of static, but you said we needed to talk ? It sounded like you like captions ? I assumed you meant for the written report for the grant project.
The Yes.
That is what I meant.
Captions will make the illustrations so much clearer ! Did you need to talk to me about anything else ? No.
That's the moment.
- Hey, Ash.
- Hey, happy camper ! Oh no, it was that bad ? We camped.
We ate.
We talked.
There was flute-playing.
And I finally woke up.
In a tent, right ? Was it really uncomfortable ? It was surprisingly comfortable once I let go.
So, how are things with Cappie ? Well, we're not fighting anymore.
Great.
This whole time I've been trying so hard to get him to wake up and face reality.
But really, it was me who needed to face reality.
What do you mean ? Cappie and I aren't built to last, Ash.
We work here, in college.
And I don't think we'll work anywhere else.
No.
You can make it work.
There's There's gotta be like, a movie, or something.
Why did I put all my Dvds away ? Where's St.
Elmo's Fire ? No, it's okay.
It's okay, Ash.
I'm okay with it.
Cappie and I aren't a movie.
We're a short story.
But a really good one.