Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s03e18 Episode Script

Ow.
Ow! I don't believe this.
Here I am, on the verge of one of my biggest deals- the Augean Stables manure concession- I get attacked by crazed flying insects.
Salmoneus, it's just a bee sting.
It won't kill you.
How do you know? What if I'm allergic? I could swell up and die.
I have to admit, that does look pretty swollen.
I happen to be big-boned.
Look, maybe Palamedes can help us.
I hear his daughter studies medicine.
Now you're talking! I could use some professional help.
No argument there.
Ow! It's starting to throb.
Well, I'm not gonna touch it for ya.
Get that tapestry down! You! Got it.
The king's command.
Come on.
Let's pick up the pace.
And clear away those candles.
Bring that down.
Be quick about it.
Straighten it out.
This is crazy.
Rededicating Aphrodite's temple to Hera? What King Augeus wants, King Augeus gets.
We'll see about that.
You know, someone ought to put that nutcase out of his misery.
You keep talking about our king like that, and both of us will hang.
I'm not afraid of that wacko or General Machus.
You two! Back to work! Less cackle, more Spackle! Why isn't that statue of Aphrodite knocked down yet? To be honest, General, we're scared.
If Aphrodite finds out we destroyed her statue, our love life could suffer.
Better believe it, hammerhead.
You won't have a life if that statue's still standing when the king gets back.
General Machus, we know King Augeus hasn't been well, but he has to realize- Watch your mouth! Now, back to work! When I return, I want to see her on her back.
Hey, you watchyourmouth! Citizens of Elis, it would be unwise to forget that, by the king's command, this temple now belongs to Hera.
Don't bet on it.
My people, I have good news.
No longer are you to be enslaved by the land.
I decree that from this moment forth you'll be free to live life as you choose, be masters of your own fate, answering to no one.
Now go.
Start your new life.
Go.
Go, go, go, go! I said, go! Go, go, go, go.
Here we are, my beauties.
Sorry dinner is so late, but grain is getting scarce.
Ah! The livestock's gone! - Is there a problem, Palamedes? - What's happened to the livestock? Ah! I've decreed that all dumb animals should be set free.
Could you tell me where they're exercising their newfound freedom? Who knows? It's their choice.
I have looked out for you since we were kids, Augeus.
We have talked about this.
You're not supposed to meddle.
I can do whatever I like, stable master! And I'm not Augeus! I am Zeus, King of the Gods! Hah! Hah! This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power- Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! I can't tell you how much it would mean to me to get your endorsement on this Augean Stables manure.
I agreed to introduce you to the stable master, that's all.
We're talking about one of your 12 great labors! This will immortalize you.
Think of it- your likeness on every sack of freshly- That's not exactly the way I want to be remembered.
Okay, we lose the likeness.
How about your signature in the corner? A meeting with Palamedes, that's it.
Aw! Ow.
I wonder what's going on over there.
Andrea, come with me quickly.
Ow.
Ready? Pull.
Oh, man! - Uh-oh.
- I told you we should've just knocked it over.
- Now what do we do? - What does it matter? We're just going to melt it down anyway.
I'll melt you down.
- Whoa! Wait.
- Herc, what are you doing here? I could ask you the same thing.
I'm looking for King Augeus.
That creep had the nerve to rededicate my temple to Hera.
- I oughta fry him like a fish.
- Um, Hercules, who're you talking to? That's, uh, Aphrodite.
Aphrodite- What's she wearing? - Should I give him a cheap thrill? - No- - Hello again, stud muffin.
- Hello again, Voluptuous Ones.
Um, last time we met, you promised you'd rock my world.
Oh, you're gonna have to rock it yourself, baby cakes.
I'm on a mission.
It boggles the mind- Augeus dumping me for cow-face.
That's the problem.
See, his mind is already a little boggled.
- I don't think he's doing this out of spite.
- Then you better talk to him.
If he doesn't stop, I'll show him what spite is all about.
Later.
Oh, yeah.
I'm her stuff mutton.
She wants me like Charon wants coins.
Help me.
I- Yes, sir.
Wait a second.
That copper- Melting the - Candlesticks are in a separate box.
Hercules, how do you feel about commemorative coins? Salmoneus, let's find Palamedes.
A special offer! With every sack of manure, a free Hercules coin! Maybe not free.
Oh, suitable for framing! Amaze your friends! Confuse your enemies! He's not in the house.
Palamedes! Palamedes.
What happened? Uh, Hercules - Wait, wait, wait! Take it easy.
Take it easy.
Hercules.
Welcome back.
I- Who's your friend? Salmoneus is the name.
Manure is the game.
I want to talk to you about the possibility - Now isn't the time.
Time is dinars, Hercules.
From the look of things, he might not have much ti- I'm sorry.
Palamedes, who did this to you? King Augeus.
Huh? He thinks he's Zeus.
I caught one of his "lightning bolts.
" Come again? He's painted these rocks silver and- Ah! I get the picture.
That explains the temple.
He must think Hera is his wife.
But why are the stables empty? Poor fool wanted to free the livestock.
We depend on those animals for food.
I have to get after them- No, no, no.
You rest.
I'll take care of it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You mean, every cow, bull, heifer, gone? Don't worry.
I'll bring them back.
I hope so! No cow, no cow flop! I'll be ruined! The- Oh.
Oh.
It's kind of late for a lunch break, isn't it, General? When the people learned of your decision to free the livestock, they left the temple in protest.
And you just let them go? I couldn't kill them all.
Why not? Defying the will of Zeus is punishable by death.
You - Your Highness, I appeal to you.
Let the people return to the fields.
The harvest is nearly lost.
And now, without the herds, we may all starve! What is this "Highness" stuff? Oh.
Oh, you doubt that I am Zeus? No, Sire- uh, m-mighty Zeus.
All I want is what is best for the kingdom.
I decide what's best.
Now, assemble the troops.
We ride into the city after I speak with my queen.
We have to travel to the next village.
Ooh.
Bee sting still bothering you? A little.
I don't have time to think about that.
I gotta get to that temple, make a deal for the statue and find a forge to melt it down.
Ah, ah, ah! I would think twice before messing around with anything of Aphrodite's.
Okay? Besides, I need you to keep an eye on Palamedes while I go look for the king.
Whoa! What happens if that wacko shows up here, huh? Ow! Ow! What- Sorry.
Hercules.
Uh, Melanippe.
Wow, you, uh, look, uh- I- It's been a while.
Uh- Father? What happened? Oh, he had a run-in with the king.
I was afraid something like this would happen.
He'll be all right.
He's just resting.
Oh.
Uh, by the way, this is Salmoneus.
And he'll be staying here while I go look for Augeus.
You're studying medicine, aren't you? Yes.
Maybe you could take a look at his bee sting.
See ya.
So, bee sting? Where is it? Oh, it's nowhere you could- I- It's not- Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Oh.
These people don't understand how hard it is to run a universe! I'm surrounded by incompetents! Ex-squeeze me? If you're looking for Hera, you got the wrong address, honey.
Who- Oh.
Aphrodite! - Well, if it isn't Daddy's little girl! - As if.
Young lady, if you expect to get the reins to the chariot tonight, you're gonna have to wear something a little more presentable than that.
Very cute, Clueless, but I'm here to reclaim my temple.
Oh, I'm sensing a little hostility in the atrium.
I'll tell you what.
Daddy's late for a town meeting.
You behave yourself, and when I get back, we'll have a nice, long talk about it.
Okay? Herc was right.
That guy is definitely two bunnies shy of a hutch.
Now, hmm.
What this place needs is just a little bit more me.
Mmm.
Much better.
No! Say the word.
The word is "don't.
" You all right? Yeah.
What's going on here? King Augeus ordered the old man killed to punish the people for abandoning their work at the temple.
And you obeyed him? He's the king.
We follow orders.
Hah! Whoa! What's the meaning of this? Why wasn't that man killed? Great Zeus, perhaps the arrival of your son, Hercules, forced a delay.
He really thinks he's Zeus? Humor him.
My boy! You're looking well! Oh, let's say we toss the old lightning bolt around once I'm done with this business, huh? I- I-I- You know, maybe, uh, some other time.
I- I- Actually, I'm surprised that the King of the Gods would stoop to killing a lowly mortal just to make a point.
Oh, perhaps you're right, son.
I haven't been feeling like myself lately.
Mm-hmm.
Cease all extermination of the peasantry! Wise decision, King Augeus.
- What did you call me? - Uh, I meant Zeus.
Uh-huh.
Teach my general some manners.
Come on, Augeus.
This is ridiculous! Ah, my son needs a lesson too! Get them! Well, what are you waiting for? Do you wanna loseyourheads? Wait! Aah! All right! Aah! Give it to him! All right! Let's bring him down! - Have you forgotten that I'm your general? - Oh! That's the way! - You want a fight? I'll give you a fight! - I got him! Will you speak with respect to your elders? You all right? Yeah.
Come on.
Let's get outta here.
Easy.
Augeus, what's going on? This isn't like you.
You'll pay for this humiliation! Out of my way! I'm still King of the Gods.
Well? Augeus was always a bit off, but he was harmless, so people put up with his eccentricities.
Let's get outta here.
Lately, he's got worse.
Now he's downright dangerous.
I hate ya! Look at yourself.
Is that any kind of appearance for the King of the Gods? No wonder they don't respect you.
Who- Who are you? Why, Zeus, don't you recognize your wife? Hera? Is that you, my queen? Throw it.
Th-Throw it? Yah! How does it feel to possess that kind of power? Good.
Real good.
The powers are yours to keep, but on one condition: You must kill Hercules by sunset.
So be it.
You did it! We can't thank you enough for returning the livestock.
Well, I'm glad I could help out.
Hercules.
There's mutton for dinner tonight.
Can we have a word? Sure.
Um, we have a request.
Okay.
We want you to kill the king.
I can't do that.
I know you have a problem, but that's no way to solve it.
You saw what he did to Palamedes and the old man at the well, and next time somebody could die.
Augeus is still a human being and not totally responsible for his actions, and- Look.
I'll speak to him on your behalf.
Maybe I can persuade him to step down.
I hope so, because if he refuses, the people are ready to revolt.
You're looking happier.
I got my temple back looking the way it should.
It's important to have one's priorities in order.
Mm-hmm.
- Hercules.
- Hey, Palamedes.
Shouldn't you be resting? The villagers have asked me to talk to you.
They have a problem.
Oh, I know, I know.
They want me to kill Augeus.
- Actually, it's Aphrodite they're angry with.
- They wanna kill me? Uh, this might not be the time to- For generations we've worshipped her faithfully, but she's done nothing to help us with the king.
Maybe we should discuss this later.
We're all give, give, give, and Aphrodite's all take, take, take.
And then when we need her help, she's never around.
Look, pal, you people were ready to throw me over for Hera, and now you want my help? Forget it.
I'm outta here.
That was Aphrodite? Oh, yeah, mm-hmm.
Don't tell me she heard.
Every word.
Hmm.
Uh- Excuse me.
Mm-hmm? Uh, could you hurry, please? I'm getting a nasty draft.
This won't take a minute.
- Very attractive.
- Salmoneus! I mean the bowl! It's really nice work.
Oh.
It was made for me by a local craftsman for my birthday.
Whoa! For a warmhearted girl, you got some cold hands there.
Ah, ah, ah.
How does that feel? Ah.
That's incredible.
The pain is gone.
Thank you.
Oop.
That's cold.
Has your friend ever tried to engrave something, say, like a coin? I don't know.
Why do you ask? I have an idea that could make me - him, you, us, all of us, a lot of money.
I'm not that interested in money.
I just want to help people.
You're so sweet, and you've led such a sheltered life.
Aphrodite.
My humblest apologies.
Get up.
I'm not gonna waste you.
We have to talk.
Can't you do something about this smell? Sorry, but, uh, itisa stable.
Whatever.
Anyway, those things you said about me to Hercules, was that some sort of a bad joke? I can't lie to you, Aphrodite.
It was the truth.
What are you people, weirdos? How can you hate the Goddess of Love? No one hates you, Aphrodite.
The people just feel you've neglected them, and, to tell the truth, you have.
Let's see you try to keep the whole world in bed and out of trouble.
You're right.
We probably expect too much from you, but maybe if you worried less about your temples and more about the people who worship- Oh, I'm sorry.
I've offended you again.
Yeah, but it takes a lot of guts to tell a goddess when she's wrong.
I respect that.
Now, this smell- I'm starting to gag.
Pardon me.
Have you seen the king? Uh-uh.
Thanks.
Hercules, any luck finding Augeus? No.
No one has seen him since he wandered off yesterday.
Well, if I know the king, he'll turn up.
Let's check the village one more time.
You know, when we were younger, he looked up to me like an older brother.
Seemed like I was the only one who could reason with him.
Now I don't think anyone can- not me, not even you.
Well, someone needs to talk to him.
Yeah.
Actually, I just had a nice little talk myself with your sister.
A very lovely woman, I might add.
Most men would agree.
I was referring to the beauty in here.
Really? Well, then you're one of the few who's bothered to get past her good looks.
General! Still no sign of the king, General.
Keep looking.
Recruit the townspeople, if necessary, but find him! Right away.
Come on.
I never should've let him go.
Miss me? Sire, you're all right.
Yeah, fat lot you care.
Standing by while my own son disgraced me! You'll pay for that.
Y- Your High- Zeus, what Hercules did to you was an accident.
What I do to him won't be.
Watch.
Yah! Ah! Ah! It's good to be King of the Gods.
It helps people to have beautiful things.
He might not be interested.
He's a craftsman, an artist.
And I respect that.
With the money he's gonna make, he can open up his own gallery.
What we do, see, is melt down Aphrodite's statue- Whoa-oh! Whoa! It's okay with her.
It was broken anyway.
Mint the coins, have your friend draw Hercules's image on them.
Hey, could he do a charcoal rendering on a burlap sack? I'm not sure.
How about forging his signature? Forgery? I'm sorry.
That's the wrong word.
I meant an interpretation of his signature.
Sorry! - You guys all right in there? - We're fine! We're just discussing the economics and aesthetic value of commemorative coins.
Yeah, right.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
No dessert till you finish your vegetables, young man.
Augeus, wait.
I'd hoped we could be one big, happy family.
But for me to stay King of the Gods, Hera needs you dead by sundown.
Hera, huh? Figures.
That explains the backhand.
Hercules? Hercules, what's wrong? Palamedes, get out of here! What's happened? Where's Melanippe? Smokin'! Hold on, Hercules! We're coming! Hold on! Palamedes? Palamedes.
Father! I'm sorry.
He's dead.
Hercules? I don't get it.
How could Augeus throw real lightning bolts? Hera gave him the powers of a god.
She wants him to kill me by sundown.
Aphrodite? Wait.
You can see her? Yeah.
This time Hera's gone too far, giving that crazy king those powers.
Please.
Please.
My father didn't deserve this fate.
You're a goddess.
Isn't there something you can do to help him? I'm sorry.
If you want to marry a prince, that I can do, but this is totally out of my league.
How can you just let him die like this, after all we've done to honor you? Please.
Please, can't you bring him back? Okay.
Hades owes me one.
I can call in a marker.
But this is a one-time deal.
You understand? This aura will keep his spirit from going to the other side, but it's only good until nightfall.
- But there's- - I'm sorry.
It's the best I can do.
Don't worry.
Hercules will find a way to bring him back.
Won't you? Yeah.
Aphrodite.
Uh, are you crying? Can't a goddess have a little privacy? I didn't realize Palamedes meant that much to you.
He respected me for what he saw below the surface.
Well, he's a special man.
I've just never seen you like this, at least not over a mortal.
Do you think I don't have feelings? Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did.
Maybe not.
I'll leave you alone.
What are you gonna do? I'm gonna see if I can find a way to revive Palamedes and stop Augeus before he destroys the whole kingdom.
Maybe I can help.
I could keep the king busy while you work on Palamedes.
That's a good idea.
Just remember, that aura only works until sundown.
What is it with gods and sundown? This time, right down the middle! - Sire! - Oh, for the love of me, what now? - The troops are ready to march on the city, as you commanded.
Good.
It's time my subjects gave me the respect I deserve.
I'm afraid they're gonna have to learn the hard way, like General Machus here! Daddy! Aphrodite.
Shouldn't you be at goddess finishing school or something? Expelled.
Bad attitude.
Actually, I've been thinking that, with Hercules gone, we should really be spending some more time together.
So I'm moving in.
Moving in? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Here? Sire! The troops are waiting! Uh, tell 'em to, uh, stand down.
You're right, kitten.
Family comes first.
Lovely, aren't they? You're doing excellent work.
Excellent.
Now, as soon as you emboss the rest of these, the market for commemorative coins will be open.
Speaking of which, when am I gonna be paid? Keep your tunic on.
I'm good for it.
I'm short of cash right now.
How do you feel about taking manure in trade? You gotta be kidding, right? Kidding? This is no ordinary manure! I'm talking about the stuff Hercules cleaned out of the Augean Stables in his youth.
So you wanna pay me with cow dung? I'm not talking about cow dung.
This is a piece of history.
This is the stuff of legends and gods.
Holy - Exactly.
You can't put a price on something like this.
And for your efforts, I'm willing to part with, shall we say, four bags.
You're lowballing me.
Five bags.
My final offer.
Salmoneus, have you seen that copper arm from Aphrodite's statue? It's over there.
We melted it down.
That's all right.
Thanks.
Where are you going with that? Don't worry.
It's for a good cause.
I paid good money for that! And then she told me that she said that I never said that, which is totally not true.
So I told Athena to tell Artemis that if she didn't return the sandals she borrowed, I was going- Oh! Augeus! Hera? Is there a problem, my queen? Hercules is still alive, you idiot! Alive? Oh, no, no, no, that's impossible.
He plots your destruction while we speak.
Why do you think she's here? Why are you here? Aw, Daddy, uh, you have been enjoying our little father-daughter chats, haven't you? She's playing you for a fool! That's not true entirely.
I'm afraid, kitten, you give me no choice.
You always take her side! This time, your son will come to you, and I expect you to finish the job! Consider it done, my queen.
Ooh.
You sure this is gonna work? Nope, but it's worth a shot.
I've seen lightning do a lot of strange things, and I'm hoping a strong enough blast might revive Palamedes.
Uh-huh.
And you really think you can control lightning with a piece of copper? Old buddy, you've taken too many blows to the head.
And where do these lightning bolts come from? You're gonna let Augeus stand there and throw them at you? Yeah.
Excuse us.
We need to get inside the temple.
- The temple is closed.
- Please.
This is important.
I'm sure it is, but the only way you're getting inside that temple is over our dead bodies.
Uh, you might want to rephrase that.
They could use more training.
Hmm.
Busted to prison guard.
That's a long drop from general.
Aphrodite, please.
I don't want any more trouble.
Oh? Well, then you shouldn't be wearing this.
Pucker up.
- Sorry about that.
Are you okay? - Never better.
I don't mean to be a pest, but the last time I checked, it was getting dark.
We have to move him to the center of the atrium.
What do you mean, we? Uh, help.
Mm.
It won't budge.
How many times have I told those kids not to play in the temple? Hercules, the sun's almost down.
- Please hurry.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Careful! The statue! That was close.
Whoo! So was that! - Yeah.
Daddy's home! You guys keep your heads down! No problem.
Okay, Augeus, hit me with your best shot.
Augeus.
Oh, that's it, young man.
You are grounded.
That tears it.
We're talking big-time retribution now.
When you see Hades, tell him Zeus sends his best! Aah! Now who's grounded? Father! He's alive! Alive! Augeus.
Smoke.
That stuff'll kill ya.
Hercules, what are you doing here? I feel like I've been run over by a chariot.
Actually, it was more like lightning, but don't worry.
I know a good healer.
Come on.
Whoa! Oh.
Palamedes.
You're back.
Thanks to you.
We can take care of him now.
Are you sure he's up to this? I'm fine.
And I'll help out.
Father and Augeus have been friends for so long, it's almost like they're family.
Palamedes.
Oh, thank the gods it's you.
Come on, Augeus, old friend.
Actually, the name's Ulysses.
Perhaps you've heard of me, huh? I've been thinking about having a little cruise around the Mediterranean.
Now, what's the deal? 300 dinars for this work of art.
Not in this lifetime.
It's an original.
The nerve of some people.
What now? These guys from Milo, trying to sell me that statue of Aphrodite.
They think I was born yesterday? What good is a statue without arms? Aphrodite de Milo, ha! He's right.
They should fix it.
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
By the way, I never got to thank you.
For what? For putting that aura around Palamedes, giving us a chance to revive him.
You're the one who did all the work.
I never would have come up with that lightning idea.
Well, you helped out a little bit there too.
Yeah, I did, didn't I? Mm-hmm.
We work pretty well together, big brother.
That we do.
And I got to see a side of you I've never seen before.
Really? Which side is that? Yourinside, and I liked what I saw.
I'd say you're quite a piece of art, with or without arms.
Really? Really.
You're so cool sometimes!