K.C. Undercover (2015) s03e18 Episode Script

1 (KC) Previously on KC Undercover - Hey, Byron.
- Hey, KC.
I'm at this thing my dad dragged me to, but I'll be free in time for our movie.
I can't go tonight because my grandma is not well.
I am so sorry.
Go take care of your grandma.
I hope she feels better.
Thanks, Byron.
(Drumming) Wow, Dad, that was amazing! I'm so glad that we came.
KC? What are you doing here? KC, I thought you said you were with your sick grandma.
And since when were you part of a university drumline? You're not even in college yet! Uhh I (Imitates KC) I'm not leaving until I get an answer, KC.
I see.
See what's happening here.
- Mm.
- (Chuckles) You thought I was KC.
I'm not.
I'm her cousin Cassandra.
Her cousin? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, no, we're first cousins.
We look exactly alike.
It's weird, I know, but, um, I'm actually a tiny bit cuter, so Are you messing with me? 'Cause I'm feeling messed with.
- Mm - Look, KC, if you're not interested in going out with me, I wish you would just say so.
Again, I'm Cassandra.
So this is more of a KC conversation.
But I know she's with her grandma, so she's probably home by now.
All right, you want to play this out? I'll play this out, KC! Or possibly Cassandra.
But I'm almost positive KC.
I hate my life! Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep their head so cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, on red alert Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Mom! I almost blew my cover.
Byron's on his way.
Okay, I have a cousin named Cassandra who looks exactly like me, and I was visiting my sick grandma, so just go with it, okay? - Sick grandma on my side or your dad's? - Dad's! Good, 'cause I don't need you putting the evil eye on my mama.
(Knocking) (Insistent knocking) Byron, hi! Is KC expecting you? Oh, why, because she's not home? She's not home, is she? Yeah, she's upstairs.
She's still a little upset about her grandma.
I mean, I don't know if she mentioned this, but she's not doing very well.
Not my mama, 'cause she's healthy as a horse.
Craig's mom, the woman only eats at restaurants that have a drive-through.
So, she's really here? - Mm-hmm.
- Because I'd like to see her.
- KC! - Hey, Byron, what's up? Give me your arm.
I usually wait for the third date for arm stuff, but okay.
Heart rate elevated, slightly perspiring.
Why exactly is that, KC? Did you just run home for some reason? Mm, no.
I was upstairs doing squats, okay? You don't think this just happens, do ya? KC, look me in the eye and tell me that I didn't just see you at American University in a drumline outfit.
Oh drumline.
- He ran into Cassandra.
- (Both chuckle) No, my cousin goes there.
She's on the drumline.
See, I don't believe you! Boy, I know you're not coming in my house, raising your voice and calling my baby a liar! - What's wrong with you! - Uh Mom, Mom, I think I got this one, thank you.
Whoo.
Okay, KC, I'm just gonna say it.
Something's up with you.
What are you hiding? Because I know you're lying to my face.
I'm not lying to you.
I told you, I have a cousin named Cassandra, she goes to American University, and she's on the drumline.
If you don't believe me, we could all go to dinner tomorrow.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- You better not cancel.
- I won't.
- Looking forward to it.
- Me too.
(Scoffs) He seems nice.
- Ugh! - Worst mission ever! The food was terrible, it was too hot, and on the plane ride back, I was all crammed! - There was plenty of room! - For you! You lifted up the armrest and took one and a half seats! Oh You know, all you've done on this entire mission is complain.
You didn't like the food.
You didn't like the hotel room.
You didn't like the way that guy threw that car door at your head when you weren't looking.
Okay, I give you that one.
I'm just saying, if we're gonna risk our lives doing dangerous missions, we may as well be comfortable doing it.
But it's not just on missions, it's at home, too! "Dad, my WiFi's too slow.
" "Dad, we don't have enough cable channels.
" "Dad, my turkey tetrazzini's too spicy!" You know I have sensitive taste buds! Seriously, son, you need to toughen up! Okay, I'll just add that to your growing list of personal critiques.
"Ernie, toughen up!" "Ernie, don't play so many video games!" "Ernie, don't be scared of flatworms!" You're scared of flatworms? If you cut them in half, they grow into two worms! It freaks me out! (Groans) Oh, what Okay, know what? Enough is enough.
You have had it too good for too long.
You're my son and I love you, but I have to do what I think is right, and what I think you need is a little lesson in tough living.
So I'm kicking you out of the house.
Oh, come on, Dad! Oh, no, no! I mean it.
Give me your keys.
For the next 24 hours, you'll be living in the backyard.
Fine, just let me get my phone.
And my laptop.
And my tablet.
And my air mattress.
No problem! Would you like a wake-up call and room service, too? - Ooh, that would be nice! - Get outta here! So, I only see two problems with this whole dinner date with Cassandra thing.
Um, the first being there's no Cassandra, and the second being there's no Cassandra.
But there will be, okay? Marisa, I'm a spy.
I've disguised myself as, like, a thousand different people.
I'm pretty sure I can dress myself as myself.
All I'm gonna do is use what we call a quick-change outfit.
Mm-kay? We use them all the time when we go undercover.
Right now you see KC now you see Cassandra.
(Gasps in amazement) Wow! Now you can wear two outfits I hate at the same time! But you can't be in two places at once.
I know, I know.
Marisa, I need to come up with something, 'cause Byron knows that something's up, and I cannot blow my cover.
Well, it's too bad you don't have a secret twin locked in your basement.
Marisa, I don't say this often enough, but you are a genius.
Oh, well, I hate to brag, but I was just accepted into community college! (Laughs) Well, I was waitlisted, but it's looking good.
I don't know, Agent Cooper.
Releasing a dangerous, high-profile criminal is extremely irregular.
Yeah, well, you have my ID and the paperwork, so what more do you need? No one said anything to me, though.
I think I need to double check with Agent Johnson.
Okay, sure, I've got nowhere else to be.
Go ahead, check with Agent Johnson during his lunch.
You know, bother him about something he's already approved.
I guess I won't see you at the Christmas karaoke party.
Fa-la-la-later.
Oh, hold on! I love that karaoke party.
I'm supposed to sing "We Are Family" with the boys from Accounting.
Besides, Johnson signed the paperwork.
Bring out the prisoner.
Hello, Bernice.
'Sup, ugly? Well! Never thought I'd see your face again.
(Chuckles) Don't you see it every time you look in the mirror? I'm in maximum security, Cooper.
The only mirror I have is the stainless steel toilet in my room.
Which is perfect, because every time I see my reflection, I need something to barf in, anyway! Well, I see solitary confinement hasn't dulled your wit.
So, what do you want from me, Beanpole? I'm about to tell you, Snotnose.
Look, I need your help with something.
Ha! Help you.
I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire.
Unless Okay.
I'm sorry, but you are in no position to negotiate.
Fine, then take me back to my toilet mirror! Um, on the other hand, (Scoffs) what's a little favor amongst two friends who hate each other's guts? (Cheerless laugh) What do you want? (Sighs) I want a new face.
Any face.
I don't care if you give me three noses and one eye, or a beak with feathers.
I just can't stand looking at this ugly mug anymore.
Fine.
You got it.
I also want smaller feet.
Okay, eh, eh.
Get in line, sister.
Okay, if they had that procedure I would've done it already.
Oh, baby, this is good! Thank you! I ordered it myself.
(Ernie wailing) Are you sure about this lesson, Craig? I mean, Ernie sounds so sad and hungry.
Nonsense.
That's just the sound of him getting tougher! Yeah, but there's no place for the poor kid to sit down because you moved all the furniture in the garage! That's not true.
I had the gardener move it.
Besides, he can use Nature's chair the dirt.
It just feels cruel.
Sweetie, I know what I'm doing, okay? Any minute now, he's gonna start gathering materials and build himself a shelter, watch.
Well, what about food? I mean, the kid needs food.
(Sighs) He's eating my plants, Craig! The boy's eating my plants! Can't we toss him an apple or something? See, that's the problem! You coddle him! Well, I'm sorry, but he's my child, and I don't want to watch him suffer! Know what? You're right.
Thank you! I don't want to watch him suffer, either! Problem solved! Craig Cooper, open that door and let our son back in this house now! - No! - I said let him back in! And I said no.
I'm warning you, Craig.
(Laughs) Oh, really? What are you gonna do? Can we at least talk about? (Bolt clicks) (Laughs) That's right.
That's right.
I'm here to make sure you take no shortcuts on the path to toughness.
- Mom kicked you out.
- Yeah.
Get your own dinner! - (Beep, zap) - Yow, what was that? A tracking device.
If you thought that you were gonna escape on my watch, heh, think again! Hmm, well, you may be able to track me, but you can't catch me.
- (Beeps) - Aaah! What the heck was that? Hmm.
Anytime you want to try something, I just press this little button and 300 volts of electricity will go through your body, yeah.
Excuse me, did I forget to mention that? Well, on second thought, I have no place to be except for prison, so go ahead you were saying? Look, here's the deal, okay? We're going to dinner tonight, and I need you to pretend to be my cousin Cassandra.
She goes to American University, she's a drummer, and she's sweet, kind, and respectful.
Hmm! So she's a real snooze-fest like you.
Listen, Cassandra doesn't get all mouthy, okay, or she gets the Aah okay! I see your point! Now, listen, we only have a few hours before I need to get you back to prison before the guard changes, so listen carefully.
- When you're pretending to be Cassandra - Uh excuse me.
Cassandra? Shouldn't I be you? Me? No, Byron already knows me.
He's not gonna think that you're me.
Oh, really? So this boy knows you better than your entire family.
Hm, well, I remember fooling them for two weeks.
In fact, I think the phrase "You're more likeable than ever" was uttered on more than one occasion.
- (Zap) - (Groans) Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm in charge.
I'm in charge, okay, so you're Cassandra.
KC.
Cassandra.
- KC.
KC! - Cassandra.
Cassandra! - KC! - Cassandra! - (Zaps) - Aaah! (Sighs) You know what? I just decided on my own that I'd like to be Cassandra.
Listen, you better be on your best behavior, or I swear, no new face, and I will Yeah, yeah, yeah, zap, zap, zap.
Whatever.
Let's just get this over with, Cassandra.
(Sighs) Okay, for the last time, you're Cassandra, I'm KC.
Fine.
We'll do it your way.
Thank you! Ohh! (Beeping) (Whimpers) Hi, Byron! Remember my cousin Cassandra who you thought didn't exist? Well, Cousin Cassandra, who does exist, meet Byron.
Byron, nice to meet you again.
I don't know what to say.
Well, you can start by saying hi.
Sorry.
Hi.
KC, I feel like a jerk.
I-I thought you made this whole thing up, and yet, here she is! Here I am! I'm sorry I called you a liar.
Oh, that's fine.
I'm not really that great of a person, anyway.
In fact, the more you get to know me, the less you'll like me! - (Beep, zap) - (Groans) Oh! I mean, uh Apology accepted.
I just can't get over it! It's like you're the same person! Heh.
Not quite.
(Cheerless laugh) We are two very, very, very different people.
I think he got your point after the third or fourth "very.
" Really, it's quite easy to tell us apart.
I'm the one that thinks life is all about getting good grades and playing by the rules.
Mm! (Chuckles) Well, I'm the one who thinks I can just do whatever I want and there's no consequences for my actions! I'm boring.
I'm obnoxious.
I'm friendless, and often have bad gas and blame it on other people.
Mm (Cheerless chuckles) Well, I only have so much patience with people before I zap them - Wait - with a zinger.
(Laughing) Yup.
Yup.
Just kidding! We love each other.
Aw.
Cousin hug? Yeah! Love you, cuz! (Evil laugh) (Chuckles) Aw, that's so nice! I'm actually really close with my family, too, which is something I guess we have in common.
(Chuckles) I need to go to the bathroom.
Oh.
Well, then, I'll just go with you.
Uh, that won't be necessary.
Can do it on my own.
Been doing it for a while now.
But we always go together, remember? Not this time.
I need to do this on my own, if you know what I mean.
Uh, yeah, I do know what you mean, which is why I'm going with you.
Uh, Cassandra, chill.
Let her go to the bathroom by herself.
I mean, it's not like she's an escaped convict or something! No, haha! Fine, yeah, go ahead.
Just, uh, make smart choices.
I don't think she has much of a choice.
You know, usually once you get inside there, whatever happens, happens, you know? (Laughs cheerlessly) Yeah, so how'd you two meet? Uh, actually, we're both honor students, - and we, uh -(Beep, zap) - (Bernice screams) Uh, maybe you actually should go check on KC.
Mm, no, I think she's fine.
(Beeps) Mm-hmm, on second thought, it never hurts to check.
(Beeping) You're not going anywhere! (Fight grunts) Whoa! (Pressured water hissing) Cassandra, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, no, I'm good.
I'm good, just uh turned the faucet up a little high, and, uh sprayed me a little.
A little? It looks like you didn't make it to the stall.
Where's KC? Uh, she had to leave unexpectedly, or not so unexpectedly.
I can't believe she blew me off again.
No, she didn't blow you off.
She told me to tell you that You know what? I don't care.
Just tell her I said I know she's hiding something.
What? No, I just told you.
She's You know what? Really, I don't even care what it is.
I'm over her, and you can tell her that I said so.
Uh! Okay! Fine! My cousin don't want you, anyway! Oh, man, this was definitely not worth breaking a maniac out of prison.
Oh, sitting on this ground is starting to make my back hurt.
Are you sure it's not just the pain of toughening up? This is all your fault.
If you weren't so spoiled, I wouldn't have had to teach you a lesson.
Yeah, because it's always the child's fault that he's spoiled.
The parent has nothing to do with it.
And exactly what lesson have I learned? That plants and gravel do not a meal make? One more word out of you, and What, you're gonna kick me out of the house? Because it's generally the people inside the house who can kick people out of it.
You know what? I've had enough of this.
I will not be locked out of my own house! Uhh! Yes! You know the spare key is actually under that rock, right? Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, don't be.
Come here, son.
This is exactly what I wanted to happen.
See, you're always so laid back.
I wanted you to be a man of action.
I send you out in the world and I put you in some dangerous situations, and I need to know you can handle yourself.
And clearly you can.
I'm proud of you, boy! Thanks, Dad! So, uh, what are we telling Mom about the door? Beats me.
That's all you! Man of action.
(Wail) Mom! Well, Bernice is gone.
I just ran a facial recognition scan of all the security footage in the area, and the only face I found was my own! Apparently, I went to the Olive Pit with her and left without her, which I already knew, so Well, you know what, KC, maybe you should've put some sort of tracker on her.
Oh, really, Marisa! Wow, why didn't I think of that? I have been the best friend of a spy for some time now, so I've learned a few tricks of the trade.
Marisa, it's not helping, okay? Seriously, look.
Bernice is dangerous, okay, and it's all my fault because I'm the one who let her out, and I don't know what to do! You should've never broken her out of prison.
What you should've done is put me in one of those KC disguises like I wore when I had to cover for you at the Organization.
Marisa, I do not say this often enough, but you are a genius! Yay! No! I don't wanna go to jail! Good job, Marisa, you're coming off really believable! No! No, no, no! I'm not kidding! I-I-I changed my mind! I don't wanna be you! I don't wanna go to jail! Marisa Uh, mm! Excuse me, Officer, could you help me with this prisoner? Don't make me tase you, Bernice! (Marisa sobbing) No! I thought you were my friend! (Woman) Rob, your name's on TV!