Liv and Maddie (2013) s03e18 Episode Script

1 Can you hand me the pliers? Here you go.
Just like scissors, I'll give them to you handle-side first.
Hey, you guys.
Oh, no, no.
What are you guys doing messing around with Dad's grill? You know he loves that thing, like, more than he loves all of us.
Yeah.
Dad doesn't get to grill enough since he's always away coaching, so I'm upgrading his barbecue as a nice surprise.
Wanna help? Aw.
Wow.
Uh, let's see.
Stay here and help you guys destroy Dad's beloved grill or go spend time with Diggie who came back from Australia just for me? Bye.
(Tightening click) All right, the grill is a go.
Can you put the pliers back for me? Whoa! You're coming at me pinchy-side first?! I thought we were friends.
Pete: Hey, Parker, I'm home! You're touching my grill.
Why are you touching my grill? I love my grill.
Dad, we have upgraded your barbecue into a computerized smart grill.
Grill, show him what you got.
(Whirring) Welcome home, Coach.
Whoa! It speaks! Yeah! Six different languages! Danke, Fraulein Evan.
(Chuckles) It thinks I'm a girl.
- (Beep) - (Whirring) Parker: It's connected via Wi-Fi to the kitchen appliances, so the meat on the grill and the corn on the stove are ready at the same time.
Might I suggest a nice tri-tip for our first meal together? I love you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
He is talking to me.
(Theme music playing) Better in stereo B B Better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high tops - Oh no Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Holler I dare you, come on and follow You dance to your own beat I'll sing the melody When you say yea-ah-ah I say no-oh-oh When you say stop All I want to do is go, go, go You, you, the other half of me, me The half I'll never be-e The half that drives me crazy You, you, the better half of me, me The half I'll always ne-ed But we both know We're better in stereo Okay, in this scene, SkyVolt and Garrison realize than an alien reactor is hidden in the ice cavern and it is still operational.
You hear that? That's fanboys everywhere gasping.
"(Gasps) What?" Make them gasp! (Bell rings) Gemma: And action! Garrison, why are the energy readings so high in the ice cavern? (High pitched) Because there's an alien reactor somewhere in there.
- Cut! - (Bell rings) I'm gasping for all the wrong reasons.
Josh, let me put this delicately.
Why are you so awful today? (Laughs) Oh, let me put this slightly more delicately.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
I'm having a little trouble remembering how to play Garrison.
Ah.
Look at me.
Closer! Remember how to play Garrison.
- Good talk.
- (Bell rings) And action! Garrison, why are the energy readings so high in the ice cavern? (Deeply) Because there's an alien reactor somewhere in there.
I forgot how Garrison walks! - Cut! - (Bell rings) Are you okay? Ever since Maddie broke up with me to get back together with Diggie, I've kind of lost my confidence.
Oh.
Yeah, I get that.
Break ups are super hard.
You know, I just went through one myself.
- Then you know what I'm talking about.
- Yeah.
Like last night, I couldn't remember how to brush my teeth as a group, so I did them all one at a time.
Okay.
(Laughs) I just forgot to condition my hair twice.
You've got it really bad! Help me, Liv.
I What do I do? Mm Oh! Well, you know what helps me kind of refocus is just a nice, deep, cleansing breath.
Ready? So (Both inhale) (Exhales smoothly) - Doesn't that feel nice? - Wh wh What do I do with the air? - Oh! - (Wheezes) Oh, Josh.
You forgot how to breathe.
Hey, Mom.
What are you still doing here? Oh, I volunteered to be detention monitor.
Oh.
I just got out of Yo-yo Club.
Were you the only one there again? Which makes me the president.
(Yo-yo whirs) Oh, Andie? I'm surprised to see you here.
You're an artist, not a crumb-bum.
No, I've got a dark side, Mrs.
Rooney.
When people say hi to me, I don't always say hi back.
Say hi to me.
I dare you.
Checkin' myself in, Mrs.
R.
Oh, no.
Dump Truck, you don't have detention.
In fact, it's been been months since you did anything wrong.
Oh.
That's my bad.
(Yelps) Yeah, you're gonna need a new mop.
And now you have detention.
All right.
I saved you a piece of filthy hallway right next to me.
And tomorrow, I will do the same for you.
- (Chuckles) - Wait a second.
Are you two trying to get detention? You got us.
Andie's father forbids us from seeing each other.
He thinks I'm no good.
Detention is the only way we can hang out.
By judging me as a crumb-bum, he has dost condemned me to be a crumb-bum.
(Chuckles) Well, perhaps I can help.
We are gonna sit down with Andie's dad.
You know, I'm a licensed therapist and I have helped many students work through their issues.
There's a squirrel on my bike, guys! There's a squirrel on my bike! Mm.
They're not all success stories.
- (Beeping) - Garrison, what's going on? (Deeply) There's a massive energy footprint coming from this stalagmite.
(Beeping continues) (Device powers down) Cut.
(Bell rings) Hey, Liv.
I'm here on a field trip with the Chocolate Milk Lovers Club.
Oh! Where's the rest of the club? Well, you are looking at the president and only member.
- I love chocolate milk.
Can I join? Oh! - (Gasps) Ooh Can I be vice president? Ooh.
Let's take a vote.
All in favor? (Gasps) It's unanimous! (Both laugh) Welcome, Mr.
Vice President.
- Ah! - (Chuckles) (Chuckles) Well, congratulations on your victory.
Can we do the scene again? Eh.
This is for you, Joey.
(Bell rings) And action.
- (Beeping) - Garrison, what's going on? There's a massive energy footprint coming from this stalagmite.
(Beeping continues) The alien reactor must be buried inside the ice.
(Gasps) (Gasps) Cut.
(Bell rings) Yes! We finished the scene! - Josh finished the scene! - Yeah.
Whoo! I'm back! Josh is back! I'm doing a victory lap around the stage.
Wait for me, buddy! What just happened? Joey cheered Josh up and he was able to act again! (Panting) He's he's way too fast.
Joey, something about having you around is boosting Josh's confidence! We need you here all the time.
(Gasps) But Josh will be suspicious if you're here all the time.
It's hopeless! Oh, I got it.
Give me a part on Voltage.
Ooh that is a really bad idea.
- The worst.
- Yeah.
But if we want to finish this episode, I don't think we have a choice.
(Scoffs) Joey, you're on the show.
(Sighs) Voltage needs you.
Would you say that I'm your only hope? Well, I'd really rather not.
You're gonna have to.
Joey you are our only hope.
(Squeals) Good morning, Voltage! I am about to drop some sizzling hot acting on this icy cold cavern.
- Joey, you got a part in the show? - Oh, yeah.
A very small part.
Joey.
- Mm-hmm? - In this scene, you're gonna walk in, you're gonna hand him the device, and you're gonna say, "Here.
" Yeah I'm not sure that's what my character would say.
But it is what your character says.
Literally, it is your only line.
Well, actually not anymore.
I Joey'd up the script a little bit.
And I turned my part of Scientist #2 into Garrison's new tech-savvy sidekick: Jax von Hapsburg! You're fired.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, like any great star, I burned bright and fast.
Jax out! (Deeply) Wait, Joey! Don't go, man.
Kidding! Kidding.
- No, not fired.
- Oh.
Fired up to see this new duo, Garrison and Jax von Hapsburg.
(Dramatic music playing) I won't be able to uncover this reactor by myself.
To save the world from Zaydock, I'm gonna need some help.
Help has arrived.
I am Jax von Hapsburg.
Zaydock is about to get Jaxed.
Yes! Cut! Just just cut.
(Bell rings) Was that too awesome? I gotcha.
I can give you 20% less awesome.
No, I can't.
(Doorbell) - Oh.
- Hey, Mrs.
R.
Dump Truck, our meeting with Andie's father isn't until tomorrow.
Yeah, about that.
I've I've been feeling some nerviosity in anticipation of said meeting.
- Mkay, well, come in.
- All right.
- Come in.
- All right.
How can I help? My first predicament: should I go with this leather jacket or this one? See, I feel like the second one really lets you know that I can give you a good pounding if you step out of line, - you know what I mean? - Okay.
So, um, let me stop you right there.
I don't think that the look you want to impress Andie's dad is aggressive street ruffian.
See? This is why I came to you.
You are a knower of things.
Also, how do I project an air of gentlemanliness without, you know, looking like a jerk? Oh, good posture is always nice.
Posture.
Mm-hmm I see where you're going with this.
I did not see where you were going with this.
Walk to me.
If your posture is proper, the book will not fall off your head.
All right.
Mm.
All right.
- Look at that.
- It's pretty Ooh! Stupid book making me look bad! - (Gasps) - (Thud) Ugh, I am starving.
What are we barbecuing, gentlemen? Uh, no barbecue tonight.
It's make-your-own pizza and salad instead.
You can also make pizza on the grill.
Nah.
Everybody knows pizza's way better in the oven.
You are one silly grilly.
- (Door closes) - (Whoosh) Enjoy your pizza.
Karen: Okay, let's make dinner! - (Whooshing) - Oh.
Oh! Aah! Oh, the fridge is as hot as a blast furnace.
What? And all the food is spoiled! Well, that's weird.
The meat drawer is still cold.
Do you think the grill did this? No, Evan.
I think the blender did it.
Of course it was the grill! My mother says sarcasm is the poor man's wit.
I gave him control of the appliances and he super-heated the refrigerator and instantly spoiled everything but the meat! It's time to shut this down.
(Whirring) How did make-your-own pizza turn out for you? Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
That's it.
I'm pulling the plug.
I can't allow you to do that, boys.
- (Whooshing) - (Both scream) Liv! Thank goodness you're here.
We've been shooting the same scene all day.
(Chuckles) 85 takes.
Oh Oh, no.
Is it Josh? No.
It's Jax von Hapsburg.
Who's Jax von Joey.
He's run amok.
- Go un-muck him! - Okay.
Hey, Joey.
- Liv, wait.
- So Okay.
I just figured out Jax von Hapsburg's signature weapon.
- The atomic yo-yo.
- Okay.
- (Whirring) - "Evil just ran out of time.
" Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
Joey, stop.
You are here to boost Josh's confidence.
We're not paying you to act, okay? We're paying you to be his friend.
What? You're paying him to hang out with me? Joey, I thought we were buddies.
And I thought we were friends.
And that was the day that Jax von Hapsburg shed his first tear.
Well, well, look who it is.
If you promise not to bite us, we have a surprise for you.
We felt bad about yesterday, so we got you a gift: all terrain tires.
Once we put them on you, we can barbecue anywhere.
Tee-hee! We're not really putting tires on.
- We're being duplicitous.
- Shh! Don't spoil the surprise! What do you think of your new (Stifled laugh) tires? I don't know if I should barbecue or dance.
You can do both.
Let me give you a countdown.
Three two one.
(Beep) (Rattling) What? No! You betrayed me! Is that my grill heading up to space? Actually, according to my calculations, it should explode and splash down in Lake Hacheemachee.
He did it because the smart grill turned evil.
I feel like there were less drastic choices, but it was pretty awesome.
(Doorbell) Oh.
Coming! Come on, Dad! Fine.
I'm here.
But I'm not happy about this.
Well, welcome, Mr.
Bustamante.
Thank you for agreeing to sit down with us.
I know that you'll give the Andie-Dump Truck issue the reasonable consideration that it deserves.
Where is Dump Truck? Let me guess, he's not even here yet.
You know why? Because he's a crumb-bum! Dad, give him a chance.
I will never give him a chance.
You know why? Karen and Andie: Because he's All: A crumb-bum! Okay.
I assure you, Mr.
Bustamante, Dump Truck is a good guy.
Good evening, honored guests.
Wouldst thou like some tea and/or crumpets? I'll have it, but I won't like it.
What is he doing? I have turned your aggressive street ruffian into a sophisticated society gent.
You're welcome.
- Nice suit.
- Thank you, sir.
Now that the refreshments have been served, let's move on to the pleasantries.
How 'bout that opera? That's a whole thing, huh? As you can see, Dump Truck is a refined, well-dressed gentleman.
Truly this tiger has changed his stripes and whatnot, you know? - Exactly.
Whatnot.
- Yeah.
And I would love to have your blessings to see your daughter.
Hm.
Sorry, not interested.
What? I I made crumpets.
This isn't you.
Where's the guy who wears an old, worn out leather jacket? And says things like, "Whoa, hey, yo"? And never pretends to be something he's not? That's the Dump Truck I know and I really, really, really like him.
Oh.
Three "really" s.
Am I blushing or what? Look, I'm I'm sorry.
I did all this stuff so that I could, you know, impress your father, and the only person I wanted to impress is you.
Wow.
What you just said could only be said by a real gentleman.
I think that I was wrong about you.
So, do we have your blessing? Can I go out with him? Absolutely not! I can't have my daughter dating a guy named Dump Truck.
Fine.
Look, if it allows me to date Andie, I will from this point forward go by my given name Marion Truckberg.
Oof.
Stick to Dump Truck.
- Yeah? - All right, I will.
Hey, Josh.
Hey, buddy.
How you doin'? That depends.
How much did Liv pay you to ask that? Josh, we really never meant to hurt your feelings.
We were just trying to rebuild your confidence.
Well, paying Joey to be my friend wasn't the best way to rebuild my confidence.
Dude, I wasn't faking the friendship.
I'd hang out with you for free.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Absolutely, man.
I just got a taste of fame and mm, mm, mm, she tastes so good.
I'm sorry.
Hey, don't you apologize for Jax von Hapsburg.
He was the one good thing to come out of this.
Both: For real? Yeah.
I mean, would I lie to my tech-savvy sidekick? You would not.
Bro hug? Ah.
Um that was super weird but I I feel awful.
I never should have gone behind your back.
I'm sorry.
- Yeah, that wasn't cool.
- Mm-mm.
But I do appreciate you trying to help.
(Chuckles) I was a hot mess, wasn't I? Yeah, you were.
You forgot how to breathe.
(Both laugh) Do you forgive me? I will after a bro hug.
I'd really rather not.
You're gonna have to.
Ugh, all right.
Let's bro hug it out.
(Laughs) Hey, now that we're free to socialize publicly, care to join me for a celebratory frozen yogurt? I'd love that Marion.
All right, come on.
Somebody karate kicked the door to my car.
I know it was you, Dump Truck.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, it wasn't me, I swear.
It must have been, uh (Action music plays) Jax von Hapsburg! I'm comin' for you, Jax! No, no, no, no, no! Dump Truck, I was wrong about you.
You're all right! Mr.
Bustamante: He's a crumb-bum!