Mad About You s03e18 Episode Script
Purseona
Hey, am I losing all my hair? No.
Seriously.
Yeah.
Seriously.
Just a little.
Seriously.
No, not at all.
There you go.
* Tell me why I love you like I do * Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you * Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine * They say nobody's perfect Well, that's really true this time * I don't have the answers, I don't have a plan * All I have is you * So, darling, help me understand * What we do * You can whisper in my ear * Where we go * Who knows what happens after here * Let's take each other's hand * As we jump into the final frontier * I'm mad about you, baby * Yeah! * I'm mad about you All right, tomorrow.
What do you want to start with at the presentation? The print campaign or the radio spots? Either one.
All right, print.
To start? Fine.
Radio.
It's up to you.
All right, this is not gonna all fit.
Keep trying.
How's this? No.
See, I can take my shaving kit, but then I can't take my turtleneck.
Keep trying.
Where are you going? To the Yukon.
Fine.
Don't tell me.
No, seriously a filming a dogsled race for ESPN.
Ta-da! No.
Hey, where's my passport? I put it in the safe deposit box.
Why? So we can find it when we need it.
But that's in the bank, and I'm here and I need it.
See how it's not working? You don't really need it.
It's Canada.
I need it if I'm gonna hire a crew.
Is that true? Yes.
Really? If I were going to make something up, why--why would it be that? Okay, fine.
I'll pick it up in the morning, I'll exchange your money to Canadian.
I'll meet you back here.
We'll pick up Fran's car.
I'll take you to the airport, say goodbye, and I'll be back in time for our 5:00 meeting.
Okay.
But if I find out you were lollygagging in there You know, I can handle this meeting alone I will be there.
No.
What's this? Your resume.
Memorize it.
I was personal assistant to J.
D.
Salinger? Let them try to check.
James, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Fly safe.
This is perfect.
I don't even know why I'm bothering.
You know they're not going to hire me.
Oh, there's the spirit.
Hey, baby, where are my gloves? Which gloves? My gloves.
The ones you said, "Why are you buying those gloves?" Remember, we were at Klarik's? LISA: The plaid ones? Yeah.
The ones with the leather palms? Yeah.
And the fur inside? Yeah.
Have you seen them? No.
Did you--you lend her my gloves? It was snowing.
All she had was a newspaper.
Those are my Yukon gloves.
Your Yukon gloves? My Yukon gloves.
Remember I specifically said, "Who knows, maybe someday I'll go to the Yukon"? Guess what? Now I'm going, I'm bare-handed.
Will you please drop them off on the way to your interview tomorrow? What time is my interview? I don't think so.
All right.
After your interview? Whatever.
Can I go now? I promised Harriet I'd look at her new macaw Oh, gee, is that today? Do you need cab fare? I'll take the subway.
Not with my suit.
Oh, please, I have PMS and a stun gun.
Who's gonna bother me? Just take some tokens.
I can take both boots but then I can't take my parka.
Keep trying.
Who put this in my purse? That's mine.
All right, I'm gonna call you first thing in the morning.
Okay.
But not too early.
Here, here, here.
PAUL: All right.
Here's the problem.
I can take my parka and then I can't take anything else.
Seriously.
Okay.
But can you pee standing up? You know, I had such a great plan.
It was all planned out.
I was going to land in Canada.
I was gonna get to the hotel, take a little nap.
I'd nap, I'd wake up, shower, shave, still get there in plenty of time for the opening ceremonies.
You can still do that.
No, because I'm gonna miss my plane.
She will be here.
Just forget the gloves.
Forget the gloves.
Let's go.
Okay.
Maybe her interview went so well they started her today.
Yeah, that's probably it.
Hey.
Hey? Yeah.
All right, did you bring my gloves? Mmm, sort of.
Excuse me why do you look like this? Like what? What does that mean, "sort of"? Tell me you didn't go to your interview like that.
It wasn't a beauty contest.
Can I have my gloves? I'm looking.
Do you know how hard I worked to set this thing up for you? I went Quit that.
Can I have my gloves, please? They have a dental plan.
My teeth are fine.
Look.
What is that? What? That.
That.
That right there.
That.
Oh, he made me wait and so there was a Danish on his desk.
So I just, you know Gloves, gloves, gloves, gloves.
I'm looking.
Here.
What These--These are not my gloves.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
All right, I lent them to Troy.
Who is Troy? You never listen to me.
You ate his Danish? I can't direct in these.
I got to point to Teamsters.
At least I brought something.
I think that deserves a little credit.
You just ate the man's Danish? You want a little credit? Here's your credit.
Use your imagination.
You two having a fight? What? You're awfully crabby.
You know what? Forget it.
That's it.
Live your life.
You're you.
I'm me.
I'm sick of trying to fix you.
Fine.
I mean it.
I think that's great.
Fine.
Great.
Talk to you tomorrow.
These are going to command a lot of respect.
Who's directing? Mitten boy.
Is he good? Well, he's mitten boy.
And the nominees are All right, all right.
mitten boy All right, all right, I will owe you for the rest of my life.
Just please don't hark me about this.
All right.
You know what? Give me my stuff now.
Give me my stuff and let's go get Fran's car, please.
Fine.
(SQUEAKING) What is this? (STAMMERING) I don't know.
It's not mine.
Well, it ain't mine.
Oh, my God.
What? She took my purse.
Oh, well, that figures With your passport in it.
Hey! JAMIE: Lisa! PAUL: Where did she go? I don't know.
Great.
I'm gonna miss Canada now.
We will find her.
We don't even know which way she went.
Just look at this.
Look at this.
What? Pistachio shells.
Still moist.
Come on, follow them.
Follow them.
This is good.
We're like Hansel and Gretel but with nuts.
(MAN CHATTERING ON PA) Ah! PAUL: There's a pistachio.
All right, there's one.
And there's one.
Here we go.
Here's a whole bunch.
Ow! May I say "ow"? What did you do? I couldn't even explain it right now.
Give me a token give me a token, please.
Come on, come on, come on.
She doesn't have any.
Give me some money.
It's all in your purse.
Hold this.
Come on, come on, come on.
Wait, wait, wait.
She's got change.
MAN: What the hell? We're not enjoying this either.
MAN ON PA: 72nd Street.
Next stop is 72nd Street.
Gum? I'm hungry.
Where are we even going? Uptown.
Good.
80% of the country is uptown.
What? Did she have, like, an appointment book in there or something? I'm telling you she's probably just going home to mope.
Are you sure? Trust me.
We'll get to her apartment, exchange purses and we'll get you to the airport.
She doesn't even have, like, a stick of gum in here.
Let me look at that, please.
Oh! You--You look.
Help an old man.
Spare change, ma'am.
(MAN CHATTERING ON PA) Her apartment is two blocks away.
We'll run in, we'll run out.
You'll be on your way.
We don't even know she's there.
She's there.
She's there.
Oh, God.
What? She's not there.
How do you know? I found her appointment book.
Thursday, 1:00, Dr.
Wallach.
Who is Dr.
Wallach? Her shrink.
Why would Lisa need a shrink? Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, good, someone's in there.
Wait, wait, wait.
What if it's not Lisa? I can't hear a thing.
Well? I can hear people eating egg salad at the beach.
Well? I'm not sure.
Is your sister obsessed with Glenn Ford? She very well could be.
Well, what do you want to do? Knock.
You knock.
It's your passport.
It's your sister.
Oh, God.
Excuse me.
Hi, I'm so sorry.
Is it her? It's not her.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Please go on now.
You were saying about Pocketful of Miracles (KNOCKING ON DOOR) I'm sorry.
Sorry, it's us again.
I'm in a session.
I understand.
We're looking for your last session.
Well, that person just left.
Well, we figured that.
We're just wondering if you know where she went.
Why? JAMIE: Because we need to know.
Why? Because we do.
Why? Because we do, okay? Oh, you must be Jamie.
Yes, yes, she is.
See, she has my passport and we really need to find her.
So if you could just tell us where she How did you know who I was? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to See, I--I have a flight to catch "Oh, you must be Jamie.
" What is that supposed to mean? I'm shooting a thing for ESPN.
Did she say something about me? Okay, actually, it's ESPN 2, if you want to I'm sorry, but as you can see No, we're not asking you to tell us how she feels about where she went.
We just want to know where she went.
If you could just shut the door.
Maybe you could tell us without telling her.
You know how you people do that all the time? You give a clue, you guide us there, let us find it ourselves.
She went to Klarik's to replace her gloves.
Okay? Something like that.
Thank you very much.
"Oh, you must be Jamie.
" Oh, I'm so sorry.
Now where were we Sorry again.
If I can Can I just use your phone for one second? I am not gonna make my flight.
I just gotta really apologize.
Do you understand what I'm doing here? Yes, yes, absolutely.
Very familiar with the thing.
I'll just I'll be very fast.
Look, see, I'm almost done.
She blames me, doesn't she? If you'd like to arrange an appointment.
Hi, I'm on flight 185 at 3:00.
I need to push it back.
Uh, yeah, that's Buchman, Paul.
Thank you.
Did she tell you about the prom? PAUL: 4:15, that will be great.
Now is that an aisle? I'm not the one who told her to rent a horse.
Because I would prefer the aisle.
I can fit you in early next week.
PAUL: Oh, great.
Thank you very much.
Sorry again.
Thank you.
(SIGHING) Let's see what we can learn from this situation.
Wow, really last time.
Okay.
I Could we just borrow a couple of bucks for the subway? Big favor to ask, no question about it.
It's just that we have been Thanks.
Cool.
Do you have a tissue? No.
All right.
Fine.
Oh.
(BLOWING NOSE) (COUGHING) What? Nothing.
So if I get on the 4:15 I can land in Canada, get to the hotel.
I can shower, I shave, forget the nap.
I can still I can make it in time for opening ceremonies.
Except for you know what? I ain't making no 4:15.
Please don't blame her.
Oh, I don't.
Oh, really? I blame you.
Oh, it's her fault.
You gave her the bag.
She took it.
I'm starving.
Hey, maybe you can borrow Ira's passport.
Well, there's a bad idea.
Why? 'Cause, dopey, I'll end up in jail.
So what.
It's Canada.
They're nice.
Not the jails.
You ever heard stories about Canadian jails? No.
Oh, they're the worst jails of all the jails.
What stories? I heard stories.
Fine.
Give me one story.
What, remember Midnight Express? All right, that was Turkey and they were smuggling drugs.
Not originally.
They changed it for the movie.
Don't worry about it.
You're going to make it.
Yeah.
I'm gonna make What is this? What? This.
A horseshoe.
Why does your sister carry a horseshoe? (ELECTRICITY SURGING) For luck.
(TRAIN SQUEALING TO A HALT) PAUL: Aren't we lucky? Hi.
Welcome to Klarik's.
They make me say that.
I need some gloves.
How much are these? Got me.
Ow! Are you okay? I hate that.
You got a file or something? Oh, I don't think I Oh.
Oh, yeah, I do.
Thanks.
(SIGHING) You ever have one of those weeks? Yeah, it started This morning I woke up, my carpet was gone.
Oh, you think that's bad.
I had a job interview this morning.
Oh, any luck? Good Danish.
Yeah.
You know, I think they might be hiring here.
You want me to write down the name of the personnel guy? Cool.
You got a pen? Um I don't think I Oh, hey, look at that! (AIRPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD) Hey, there's goes my flight.
Hey, can I get some peanuts and a Sprite? All right, come on.
Next.
Hey, this isn't my purse.
Welcome to Klarik's.
We're looking for a woman who She may have been here today buying gloves.
Let me see, buying gloves.
She's 5'7" and a half.
She has a little mole on her left cheek.
Have you seen her? Actually, I sent someone like that over to personnel about a half an hour ago.
Did she go? Yes.
Willingly? Yes.
That's not her.
That could be her.
For how much? Come on.
Thank you, please come again.
Next.
Resume.
J.
D.
Salinger, huh? Don't ask me where he lives.
No department store experience.
Not yet.
Well, I'm sorry.
But we're only looking for Hey, is this your dog? Yeah.
This is Murray.
Aw! Oh, geez.
Try in there.
Try in there.
MAN: I liked your attitude.
You're just the kind of employee we're looking for here.
It's not her.
I'll just-- I'll just take you to the airport.
We'll figure it out when we get there.
Fine.
We'll just stop by the apartment first.
For what? I have my meeting.
Sweetie It will take two minutes.
In fact, I'm gonna call Lisa and tell her to meet us there.
You call and see if there's a later flight.
Welcome to Klarik's.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I'm so hungry I could eat my own head.
You're telling me there's nothing in that bag? Raisins? I'll eat in Canada.
Oh, you know what? We should say good-bye now.
What? Because there won't be time at the airport.
That's so Seriously, let's here, let's just get it over with.
Bye.
Bye.
Stay warm.
I'll miss you.
I'll miss you, too.
Well I got to go.
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet Jamie.
Look.
It's all right.
You've sold me.
Really? It was an excellent presentation.
I like your style.
If your partner's anything like you, it'll be just icing on the cake.
Terrific.
Mr.
Boniello! I'm so glad to meet you.
I can't tell you how excited we are at this opportunity.
I know we're a small company but that just means we'll be working that much harder to fill your public relations needs.
I'm taking your car.
Two minutes.
I know.
I know.
Don't you hate it when you sign with a certain person at a company and then you spend half the time talking to that person's assistant? Well, you won't have that trouble with us, because when you sign with Buchman and Devanow, you get Buchman and Devanow.
Nobody else.
I promise you, with our experience and enthusiasm we can turn that franchise of yours into a national chain.
Lisa, pick up.
Lisa, pick up.
Lisa, pick up! All right, listen.
Trans Canadian, LaGuardia flight 332, bring my purse.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship.
I don't know who that was.
How could you let me take a meeting with a raisin in my tooth? All right, so if I make this plane, then I don't nap, I don't shower, I don't shave, I don't even go to the hotel, I can still make the closing of the opening ceremonies.
Don't worry.
You've got time.
WOMAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen, final boarding at this time for flight 332 to Whitehorse, Canada.
Or you can take the next flight.
There is no next flight.
How many flights to the Yukon do they need? You're right.
You're right.
You should just go.
Go and what? I got no passport.
I can't get a crew.
What do I do? I draw the race? Get a waiver.
Get a What--What waiver? Whatever it is, a Canadian waiver.
Just go.
Can you give me some money, please? What money? Whatever we've got left.
I gotta get a cab or something.
Hey, give me that.
What? That razor.
At least I could shave.
Why would she carry an electric razor in her purse? Why would she carry a puppet and a duck? I don't know.
Let me shave.
Hi.
I got your message.
What is he doing with my stun gun? Your stun gun? (STUN GUN ZAPS) PAUL: Ow! Help me get him up.
Honey? Honey? Why do I smell toast? WOMAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen, final boarding on flight 332 to Whitehorse, Canada.
Give me his passport.
Here.
Here.
Okay, sweetie, you're gonna take the 7:40.
So you'll get to the hotel.
You'll take a shower, you don't have to shave and you'll be there in plenty of time for the closing ceremonies.
Here, sweetie.
Right here.
Here we go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There you go.
I got an employee discount.
Thank you, honey.
An employee discount? Yeah, I got a job.
Come here a minute.
Stop it, stop it.
Just hold still a minute.
Would you quit it, please? Let's just go home.
Hey, this isn't my bag.
Why do you have an omelet pan? It's not mine.
(SQUEAKING) What is this? Betsy.
Betsy? Betsy.
For luck.
I thought the horseshoe was for luck.
No.
Then what's the horseshoe for? In case I get a horse.
That's Scout.
He's happy in there.
Seriously.
Yeah.
Seriously.
Just a little.
Seriously.
No, not at all.
There you go.
* Tell me why I love you like I do * Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you * Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine * They say nobody's perfect Well, that's really true this time * I don't have the answers, I don't have a plan * All I have is you * So, darling, help me understand * What we do * You can whisper in my ear * Where we go * Who knows what happens after here * Let's take each other's hand * As we jump into the final frontier * I'm mad about you, baby * Yeah! * I'm mad about you All right, tomorrow.
What do you want to start with at the presentation? The print campaign or the radio spots? Either one.
All right, print.
To start? Fine.
Radio.
It's up to you.
All right, this is not gonna all fit.
Keep trying.
How's this? No.
See, I can take my shaving kit, but then I can't take my turtleneck.
Keep trying.
Where are you going? To the Yukon.
Fine.
Don't tell me.
No, seriously a filming a dogsled race for ESPN.
Ta-da! No.
Hey, where's my passport? I put it in the safe deposit box.
Why? So we can find it when we need it.
But that's in the bank, and I'm here and I need it.
See how it's not working? You don't really need it.
It's Canada.
I need it if I'm gonna hire a crew.
Is that true? Yes.
Really? If I were going to make something up, why--why would it be that? Okay, fine.
I'll pick it up in the morning, I'll exchange your money to Canadian.
I'll meet you back here.
We'll pick up Fran's car.
I'll take you to the airport, say goodbye, and I'll be back in time for our 5:00 meeting.
Okay.
But if I find out you were lollygagging in there You know, I can handle this meeting alone I will be there.
No.
What's this? Your resume.
Memorize it.
I was personal assistant to J.
D.
Salinger? Let them try to check.
James, I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Fly safe.
This is perfect.
I don't even know why I'm bothering.
You know they're not going to hire me.
Oh, there's the spirit.
Hey, baby, where are my gloves? Which gloves? My gloves.
The ones you said, "Why are you buying those gloves?" Remember, we were at Klarik's? LISA: The plaid ones? Yeah.
The ones with the leather palms? Yeah.
And the fur inside? Yeah.
Have you seen them? No.
Did you--you lend her my gloves? It was snowing.
All she had was a newspaper.
Those are my Yukon gloves.
Your Yukon gloves? My Yukon gloves.
Remember I specifically said, "Who knows, maybe someday I'll go to the Yukon"? Guess what? Now I'm going, I'm bare-handed.
Will you please drop them off on the way to your interview tomorrow? What time is my interview? I don't think so.
All right.
After your interview? Whatever.
Can I go now? I promised Harriet I'd look at her new macaw Oh, gee, is that today? Do you need cab fare? I'll take the subway.
Not with my suit.
Oh, please, I have PMS and a stun gun.
Who's gonna bother me? Just take some tokens.
I can take both boots but then I can't take my parka.
Keep trying.
Who put this in my purse? That's mine.
All right, I'm gonna call you first thing in the morning.
Okay.
But not too early.
Here, here, here.
PAUL: All right.
Here's the problem.
I can take my parka and then I can't take anything else.
Seriously.
Okay.
But can you pee standing up? You know, I had such a great plan.
It was all planned out.
I was going to land in Canada.
I was gonna get to the hotel, take a little nap.
I'd nap, I'd wake up, shower, shave, still get there in plenty of time for the opening ceremonies.
You can still do that.
No, because I'm gonna miss my plane.
She will be here.
Just forget the gloves.
Forget the gloves.
Let's go.
Okay.
Maybe her interview went so well they started her today.
Yeah, that's probably it.
Hey.
Hey? Yeah.
All right, did you bring my gloves? Mmm, sort of.
Excuse me why do you look like this? Like what? What does that mean, "sort of"? Tell me you didn't go to your interview like that.
It wasn't a beauty contest.
Can I have my gloves? I'm looking.
Do you know how hard I worked to set this thing up for you? I went Quit that.
Can I have my gloves, please? They have a dental plan.
My teeth are fine.
Look.
What is that? What? That.
That.
That right there.
That.
Oh, he made me wait and so there was a Danish on his desk.
So I just, you know Gloves, gloves, gloves, gloves.
I'm looking.
Here.
What These--These are not my gloves.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
All right, I lent them to Troy.
Who is Troy? You never listen to me.
You ate his Danish? I can't direct in these.
I got to point to Teamsters.
At least I brought something.
I think that deserves a little credit.
You just ate the man's Danish? You want a little credit? Here's your credit.
Use your imagination.
You two having a fight? What? You're awfully crabby.
You know what? Forget it.
That's it.
Live your life.
You're you.
I'm me.
I'm sick of trying to fix you.
Fine.
I mean it.
I think that's great.
Fine.
Great.
Talk to you tomorrow.
These are going to command a lot of respect.
Who's directing? Mitten boy.
Is he good? Well, he's mitten boy.
And the nominees are All right, all right.
mitten boy All right, all right, I will owe you for the rest of my life.
Just please don't hark me about this.
All right.
You know what? Give me my stuff now.
Give me my stuff and let's go get Fran's car, please.
Fine.
(SQUEAKING) What is this? (STAMMERING) I don't know.
It's not mine.
Well, it ain't mine.
Oh, my God.
What? She took my purse.
Oh, well, that figures With your passport in it.
Hey! JAMIE: Lisa! PAUL: Where did she go? I don't know.
Great.
I'm gonna miss Canada now.
We will find her.
We don't even know which way she went.
Just look at this.
Look at this.
What? Pistachio shells.
Still moist.
Come on, follow them.
Follow them.
This is good.
We're like Hansel and Gretel but with nuts.
(MAN CHATTERING ON PA) Ah! PAUL: There's a pistachio.
All right, there's one.
And there's one.
Here we go.
Here's a whole bunch.
Ow! May I say "ow"? What did you do? I couldn't even explain it right now.
Give me a token give me a token, please.
Come on, come on, come on.
She doesn't have any.
Give me some money.
It's all in your purse.
Hold this.
Come on, come on, come on.
Wait, wait, wait.
She's got change.
MAN: What the hell? We're not enjoying this either.
MAN ON PA: 72nd Street.
Next stop is 72nd Street.
Gum? I'm hungry.
Where are we even going? Uptown.
Good.
80% of the country is uptown.
What? Did she have, like, an appointment book in there or something? I'm telling you she's probably just going home to mope.
Are you sure? Trust me.
We'll get to her apartment, exchange purses and we'll get you to the airport.
She doesn't even have, like, a stick of gum in here.
Let me look at that, please.
Oh! You--You look.
Help an old man.
Spare change, ma'am.
(MAN CHATTERING ON PA) Her apartment is two blocks away.
We'll run in, we'll run out.
You'll be on your way.
We don't even know she's there.
She's there.
She's there.
Oh, God.
What? She's not there.
How do you know? I found her appointment book.
Thursday, 1:00, Dr.
Wallach.
Who is Dr.
Wallach? Her shrink.
Why would Lisa need a shrink? Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, good, someone's in there.
Wait, wait, wait.
What if it's not Lisa? I can't hear a thing.
Well? I can hear people eating egg salad at the beach.
Well? I'm not sure.
Is your sister obsessed with Glenn Ford? She very well could be.
Well, what do you want to do? Knock.
You knock.
It's your passport.
It's your sister.
Oh, God.
Excuse me.
Hi, I'm so sorry.
Is it her? It's not her.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Please go on now.
You were saying about Pocketful of Miracles (KNOCKING ON DOOR) I'm sorry.
Sorry, it's us again.
I'm in a session.
I understand.
We're looking for your last session.
Well, that person just left.
Well, we figured that.
We're just wondering if you know where she went.
Why? JAMIE: Because we need to know.
Why? Because we do.
Why? Because we do, okay? Oh, you must be Jamie.
Yes, yes, she is.
See, she has my passport and we really need to find her.
So if you could just tell us where she How did you know who I was? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to See, I--I have a flight to catch "Oh, you must be Jamie.
" What is that supposed to mean? I'm shooting a thing for ESPN.
Did she say something about me? Okay, actually, it's ESPN 2, if you want to I'm sorry, but as you can see No, we're not asking you to tell us how she feels about where she went.
We just want to know where she went.
If you could just shut the door.
Maybe you could tell us without telling her.
You know how you people do that all the time? You give a clue, you guide us there, let us find it ourselves.
She went to Klarik's to replace her gloves.
Okay? Something like that.
Thank you very much.
"Oh, you must be Jamie.
" Oh, I'm so sorry.
Now where were we Sorry again.
If I can Can I just use your phone for one second? I am not gonna make my flight.
I just gotta really apologize.
Do you understand what I'm doing here? Yes, yes, absolutely.
Very familiar with the thing.
I'll just I'll be very fast.
Look, see, I'm almost done.
She blames me, doesn't she? If you'd like to arrange an appointment.
Hi, I'm on flight 185 at 3:00.
I need to push it back.
Uh, yeah, that's Buchman, Paul.
Thank you.
Did she tell you about the prom? PAUL: 4:15, that will be great.
Now is that an aisle? I'm not the one who told her to rent a horse.
Because I would prefer the aisle.
I can fit you in early next week.
PAUL: Oh, great.
Thank you very much.
Sorry again.
Thank you.
(SIGHING) Let's see what we can learn from this situation.
Wow, really last time.
Okay.
I Could we just borrow a couple of bucks for the subway? Big favor to ask, no question about it.
It's just that we have been Thanks.
Cool.
Do you have a tissue? No.
All right.
Fine.
Oh.
(BLOWING NOSE) (COUGHING) What? Nothing.
So if I get on the 4:15 I can land in Canada, get to the hotel.
I can shower, I shave, forget the nap.
I can still I can make it in time for opening ceremonies.
Except for you know what? I ain't making no 4:15.
Please don't blame her.
Oh, I don't.
Oh, really? I blame you.
Oh, it's her fault.
You gave her the bag.
She took it.
I'm starving.
Hey, maybe you can borrow Ira's passport.
Well, there's a bad idea.
Why? 'Cause, dopey, I'll end up in jail.
So what.
It's Canada.
They're nice.
Not the jails.
You ever heard stories about Canadian jails? No.
Oh, they're the worst jails of all the jails.
What stories? I heard stories.
Fine.
Give me one story.
What, remember Midnight Express? All right, that was Turkey and they were smuggling drugs.
Not originally.
They changed it for the movie.
Don't worry about it.
You're going to make it.
Yeah.
I'm gonna make What is this? What? This.
A horseshoe.
Why does your sister carry a horseshoe? (ELECTRICITY SURGING) For luck.
(TRAIN SQUEALING TO A HALT) PAUL: Aren't we lucky? Hi.
Welcome to Klarik's.
They make me say that.
I need some gloves.
How much are these? Got me.
Ow! Are you okay? I hate that.
You got a file or something? Oh, I don't think I Oh.
Oh, yeah, I do.
Thanks.
(SIGHING) You ever have one of those weeks? Yeah, it started This morning I woke up, my carpet was gone.
Oh, you think that's bad.
I had a job interview this morning.
Oh, any luck? Good Danish.
Yeah.
You know, I think they might be hiring here.
You want me to write down the name of the personnel guy? Cool.
You got a pen? Um I don't think I Oh, hey, look at that! (AIRPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD) Hey, there's goes my flight.
Hey, can I get some peanuts and a Sprite? All right, come on.
Next.
Hey, this isn't my purse.
Welcome to Klarik's.
We're looking for a woman who She may have been here today buying gloves.
Let me see, buying gloves.
She's 5'7" and a half.
She has a little mole on her left cheek.
Have you seen her? Actually, I sent someone like that over to personnel about a half an hour ago.
Did she go? Yes.
Willingly? Yes.
That's not her.
That could be her.
For how much? Come on.
Thank you, please come again.
Next.
Resume.
J.
D.
Salinger, huh? Don't ask me where he lives.
No department store experience.
Not yet.
Well, I'm sorry.
But we're only looking for Hey, is this your dog? Yeah.
This is Murray.
Aw! Oh, geez.
Try in there.
Try in there.
MAN: I liked your attitude.
You're just the kind of employee we're looking for here.
It's not her.
I'll just-- I'll just take you to the airport.
We'll figure it out when we get there.
Fine.
We'll just stop by the apartment first.
For what? I have my meeting.
Sweetie It will take two minutes.
In fact, I'm gonna call Lisa and tell her to meet us there.
You call and see if there's a later flight.
Welcome to Klarik's.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I'm so hungry I could eat my own head.
You're telling me there's nothing in that bag? Raisins? I'll eat in Canada.
Oh, you know what? We should say good-bye now.
What? Because there won't be time at the airport.
That's so Seriously, let's here, let's just get it over with.
Bye.
Bye.
Stay warm.
I'll miss you.
I'll miss you, too.
Well I got to go.
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to meet Jamie.
Look.
It's all right.
You've sold me.
Really? It was an excellent presentation.
I like your style.
If your partner's anything like you, it'll be just icing on the cake.
Terrific.
Mr.
Boniello! I'm so glad to meet you.
I can't tell you how excited we are at this opportunity.
I know we're a small company but that just means we'll be working that much harder to fill your public relations needs.
I'm taking your car.
Two minutes.
I know.
I know.
Don't you hate it when you sign with a certain person at a company and then you spend half the time talking to that person's assistant? Well, you won't have that trouble with us, because when you sign with Buchman and Devanow, you get Buchman and Devanow.
Nobody else.
I promise you, with our experience and enthusiasm we can turn that franchise of yours into a national chain.
Lisa, pick up.
Lisa, pick up.
Lisa, pick up! All right, listen.
Trans Canadian, LaGuardia flight 332, bring my purse.
It's been a pleasure meeting you.
I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship.
I don't know who that was.
How could you let me take a meeting with a raisin in my tooth? All right, so if I make this plane, then I don't nap, I don't shower, I don't shave, I don't even go to the hotel, I can still make the closing of the opening ceremonies.
Don't worry.
You've got time.
WOMAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen, final boarding at this time for flight 332 to Whitehorse, Canada.
Or you can take the next flight.
There is no next flight.
How many flights to the Yukon do they need? You're right.
You're right.
You should just go.
Go and what? I got no passport.
I can't get a crew.
What do I do? I draw the race? Get a waiver.
Get a What--What waiver? Whatever it is, a Canadian waiver.
Just go.
Can you give me some money, please? What money? Whatever we've got left.
I gotta get a cab or something.
Hey, give me that.
What? That razor.
At least I could shave.
Why would she carry an electric razor in her purse? Why would she carry a puppet and a duck? I don't know.
Let me shave.
Hi.
I got your message.
What is he doing with my stun gun? Your stun gun? (STUN GUN ZAPS) PAUL: Ow! Help me get him up.
Honey? Honey? Why do I smell toast? WOMAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen, final boarding on flight 332 to Whitehorse, Canada.
Give me his passport.
Here.
Here.
Okay, sweetie, you're gonna take the 7:40.
So you'll get to the hotel.
You'll take a shower, you don't have to shave and you'll be there in plenty of time for the closing ceremonies.
Here, sweetie.
Right here.
Here we go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There you go.
I got an employee discount.
Thank you, honey.
An employee discount? Yeah, I got a job.
Come here a minute.
Stop it, stop it.
Just hold still a minute.
Would you quit it, please? Let's just go home.
Hey, this isn't my bag.
Why do you have an omelet pan? It's not mine.
(SQUEAKING) What is this? Betsy.
Betsy? Betsy.
For luck.
I thought the horseshoe was for luck.
No.
Then what's the horseshoe for? In case I get a horse.
That's Scout.
He's happy in there.