Mom s03e18 Episode Script

- Previously on Mom - I just don't know what to expect.
Have any of you ever dated a handicapped guy? When I was in high school, my boyfriend had a glass eye.
Was it a problem? No, I loved it.
If I was having a bad hair day or a giant zit, I'd just stand on his blind side.
Bonnie, it's just dinner.
I don't think you have to worry about any of that stuff.
Speaking of stuff, what about his stuff? What if his stuff doesn't work? That doesn't mean you can't have fun.
Yeah.
His tongue's not in a wheelchair.
Thanks.
This is perfect.
Do people always stare at you? (chuckles) What are you talking about? They're staring at you.
- Stop.
- I'm serious.
You're a giant.
They think you might eat them.
I'm gonna have a beer.
Does it bother you if I drink? Does it bother you if I walk? Not if you're in front of me.
I like the view from back there.
Good answer.
Yee-haw! (whoops) (laughing) This is fun.
Uh, hang on.
Oh.
Now you're just showing off.
(laughter) Tonight was great.
Can we do it again? - We better.
- Good.
- - This is awesome.
Makes getting stuff from the kitchen so much easier.
That's what I say every day.
"This wheelchair sure is convenient.
" I'm sorry.
Am I getting too comfortable with you? No, I like it.
In fact, how would you feel about going away with me for a few days? Really? What'd you have in mind? A long weekend in Cabo.
Ooh, sounds nice.
Are we at that point in our relationship? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that we could tolerate each other for four days and three nights, babe.
That sounds about right.
Okay, challenge accepted.
Oh, my God old people kissing.
So cute.
You ready to go? Oh, geez, it's 6:30.
- Where you going? - We've got a meeting.
You just had a meeting last night.
I know, but then I woke up today and I was still an alcoholic.
Why don't you hang out till I get back? The meeting's only an hour.
Really? Are we at the "leave me alone in your apartment" point of the relationship? Better you concern yourself with how we share a bathroom in Mexico for four days and three nights.
I'll make sure to bring matches and a candle.
- Oh, you're so romantic.
- Oh.
Let's roll.
- Be back before you know it.
- Have fun not drinking.
How do you share a hotel bathroom for four days and three nights? You don't.
You go to the Starbucks in the lobby and destroy the one there.
Uh, I'm Travis.
I'm a drug addict.
ALL: Hi, Travis.
I have, uh five days sober? I don't really know what I'm supposed to say.
You know things have gotten bad when your drug dealer tells you you need help.
This isn't the first time I tried to get clean, either.
I-I had a couple months a while back.
Even had a girlfriend.
Life was pretty good.
And then I don't know.
I thought I could get high every once in a while, and I convinced her that she could, too.
Some of you might have known her.
I think she came to this meeting.
I'm - pretty sure that's what she told me.
- Oh, God.
Travis.
- My memory is - That's Jodi's boyfriend.
messed up these days.
Anyway, I just can't live like this anymore.
Part of me is scared I'm gonna die.
And part of me is scared I won't.
(sniffles) That's all I got.
Who else would like to share? I don't know about the rest of you, but I want to kick the crap out of that guy.
Yeah, like a hundred pounds of you is gonna hurt somebody.
Excuse me, but I have a beast mode you don't know about.
What have I always told you? A lady doesn't use her fists.
That's what cars are for.
That's not gonna bring Jodi back.
Yeah, but it might stop that dirtbag from killing someone else.
Look, I miss Jodi as much as you all do, but Travis didn't kill her.
Her addiction did.
Why can't you be a normal person and just hate? Oh, believe me, I have my moments.
Like every time you open your mouth.
Let's go, old woman.
I will toss you like a salad.
Everybody just settle down.
Yeah, let's not forget.
Travis didn't hold a gun to Jodi's head and make her shoot up.
Yeah, but he brought drugs over to the apartment of someone who was barely six months sober.
Yeah, and now he's trying to get sober, and our job is to help him.
Which is why I encouraged him to come back.
Wait.
You told him to come back to our meeting? Yes, I did.
You know, we all follow you around like you're this great wise woman, but maybe you're just a lunatic.
You want to run him over with a car, but I'm the lunatic? Not run him over, just send a message.
Come on, back me up here.
I'm sorry.
I agree with Marjorie.
- (sighs) - Me, too.
Okay, Christy, it's just you and me.
Oh, that's never a good thing.
Let's talk about happy things.
Bonnie, how's it going with your boyfriend? (gasps) I forgot my boyfriend! Oh, don't come home for a while.
I have some making up to do.
- I am so sorry.
- Yeah, me, too.
Please don't go.
You said you'd be right back.
I'm sitting in there for three and a half hours with no booze and nothing but basic cable.
I-I know.
I-I'm-I'm sorry.
I just I got caught up in something.
Yeah, well, clearly these meetings are more important than me.
Adam, wait.
I did my waiting.
Three and a half hours.
Come on, Le-let me make it up to you.
What do you got in mind? Uh, how about I rock your world while you just lay back and watch ESPN? You don't have ESPN.
Fine.
I'll just yell out scores.
That'll work.
Hey, instead of you sitting around, wondering what I'm doing at these meetings, why don't you come with me one night and see for yourself? You want me to go to an AA meeting? Yeah, just as an observer.
Huh.
Uh, I don't want to jeopardize the really hot sex we're about to have, but that sounds just awful.
Oh, come on.
It'll be fun.
You'll meet some interesting women, you'll hear a lot of inspiring stories.
You might even cry.
Oh, God, it's basic cable all over again.
- This way.
- Where are we going? We're gonna use the bed in my grandson's room.
Wow, way to talk dirty to me.
(grunts) - Here you go.
- Thank you.
You have coffee and cookies before the meeting and coffee and dessert after? Moderation's not our strong suit.
So, Adam, Bonnie tells me you were a stuntman.
Work with any big stars? I doubled Bruce Willis on a few films.
Really? Do you know how to get in touch with him? (laughing): I think he's married.
I didn't ask that.
I think it's just great you came to the meeting to support Bonnie.
Well, to be honest, um, I really wasn't too sure about it, but she can be very persuasive.
Twice.
Hey.
- How's it going? - Good.
You? Still breathing.
Great.
Good.
Glad you're still breathing.
I want you to know something.
I was Jodi's sponsor, and I really loved her, and I wish she was still breathing, but because of you, she isn't, and I will never forgive you for it.
Got it.
Yeah.
Run away! Like you did when she was dying! So, now that I'm sober, I'm able to take care of myself and keep a job and pay my bills.
In fact, after a lifetime of riding the bus, I just bought myself my first ever new car.
Then it started having all these problems, and I don't know what to do.
How about take it back to the dealer? It's still under warranty.
- (shushing) - When I start the car in the morning and turn the heater on, cold air comes out.
All cars do that.
The engine's cold.
- (shushing) - But that's okay.
I just bundle up and ask God for guidance.
You don't need God.
You just need to let the freakin' car warm up.
We don't give advice.
We just listen.
Then why are we here? Anyway, thanks for letting me share.
(applause) Why is everybody clapping? She's stupid.
- I mean - Shh! Hi, I'm Jill.
I'm an alcoholic.
ALL: Hi, Jill.
I've been feeling really lonely lately.
So I think I might adopt one of those little Chinese babies.
Oh, for God's sake Okay.
I just got to say it.
I have never wanted a drink more in my life.
Well, AA is just not for you.
How is it for anybody? Listening to people's problems and then not helping them.
It gives you perspective on your own life.
You realize you're not the only one who has problems.
Really? You thought other people don't have problems? Do you get out much? Have you met other people? There's more to it than that.
Hey, I got a great idea.
Instead of blowing me off to go to these meetings, you tell me your problems, I won't help you, and then I'll clap.
I'll tell you my problem.
My boyfriend's being a real jerk.
Hang on.
Would anyone else like to share? Anybody? - Sorry.
- Where's Adam? He's, uh, processing the meeting.
- What does that mean? - He's at a bar drinking.
Hey, did anybody see that Travis boy at the meeting tonight? Yeah.
He was out in the hallway when I came in.
Huh.
I wonder why he didn't stay.
I wonder why we're not talking about Jill's new Chinese baby.
I'm not 100% on Chinese.
I could see myself toting around a little India baby.
You know, you might want to start by adopting a dog and see how that goes.
Oh, no.
Dogs are so high-maintenance.
Oh, damn it.
Travis didn't come to the meeting because I got in his face and chased him off.
Oh, Christy.
I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it.
Well, you know what you got to do now.
No.
I am not apologizing to that kid.
He can rot in hell for all I care.
Really? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
I'm proud of you.
I wouldn't apologize either.
(groans) Do I know my little girl? (rock music playing) Hi.
Travis? Seriously? What do you want? Can we talk? I'm working.
Fine.
I'm a customer.
I want to get something pierced.
What would you recommend? I don't know.
Some people get their nose or tongue.
Both solid ideas, but I have a job where people see me while they're eating.
How about another earring? Perfect.
Take a seat.
Okay, so, first of all, I owe you an amends.
I should never have said those terrible things to you at the meeting.
I'm still pretty messed up about Jodi, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you.
Okay.
Please keep going to meetings.
I don't care where, I don't care when.
You're welcome back to ours.
Just Ow! No warning? "Ready, set, go" is for people I like.
Pay at the counter.
Just so you know there is nothing that anybody could say to me that's worse than what I say to myself.
For the rest of my life, I got to live with what I did.
You didn't kill her.
She used because she was an addict, and that's what addicts do.
Do you think it is even possible for someone as messed up as me to stay sober? Come back to the meeting and I'll introduce you to my mother.
Hey.
How do I know you're not faking the whole paralyzed thing so I'm always waiting on you? Light the couch on fire and see for yourself.
- (laughs) - Listen, I feel kind of bad about how I acted the other night - after the meeting.
- Oh, please, don't.
I look forward to finding something you're passionate about so I can crap all over it.
- (chuckles) - Hey, I'm trying to apologize.
And I'm taking advantage of it.
I also think the reason you don't understand how important AA is to me is because you don't know what I was like before I got sober.
What are you saying, there's a crazier version of you? Let's go to the videotape and find out.
("Canon in D" playing) Let me fast-forward to the good part.
(dance music playing) Back off! Come on, you douche bags, dance! You're ruining my daughter's wedding! All right, you're a little out of control, but I've seen worse.
Oh, baby, I'm just getting warmed up.
All right! Here we go! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine.
Mine! Give it! Mine! Mine! Okay, that was a little over-the-top.
Wait for it.
Congratulations, Christy and Baxter! I'm next, bitches! That ain't right.
It also ain't over.
I just want to apologize to everyone.
Obviously, this is not how I wanted my wedding to turn out.
Oh, come on! I had to punch him! The bastard stole my cocaine! Ask him! (shouting) Baxter, why are you taping this? So, what do you think? Is there a meeting now? I'll drive you.
We're glad you came back to the meeting, Travis.
Thanks.
I hope I wasn't out of line trying to help that lady with her car.
She just needs to let it warm up.
My boyfriend is really gonna like you.
Just so you know, we come here after almost every meeting, if you ever want to hang out.
I'd like that.
Jodi was always talking about these cool older ladies she knew from the meeting.
She told me a lot of stories.
One of you is really smart and kind and helps people all the time.
Guilty.
And somebody punched a camel? It was a long time ago.
I was super drunk, and he wouldn't give me a cigarette.
Who cries all the time? Yeah, that's me! And she talked a lot about you, Christy.
And how much she loved you and how you tried to stop her from going out with me.
What can I say? Nothing.
I just wish she listened to you.