Bewitched (1964) s03e19 Episode Script

- Voilà.
- Hey, strawberry waffles.
In honour of this historic occasion.
Just because Larry gave me a day off is no reason to get historical.
Well, go ahead, say what you want but to me this is a day to remember, a day of significance.
You know what I think the significance is? He's going to ask me to work the weekend.
Well, live.
For tomorrow, you work.
Samantha, what have I done to deserve you? Nothing.
- And you don't.
- Mother.
- I better run, I'll be late for the office.
- Wait a minute now.
Now, let me explain.
Mother, Darrin's off today.
I think you're just noticing it for the first time.
Sweetheart, why don't you go into the living room and relax? Sure.
Mother, just once, can't you be nice to Darrin? Go ahead.
Take the first step.
You'll find out that being nice really isn't so painful.
- All right.
- Good.
Darwood, dear boy, I think it's time we had a talk.
About what? I mean, I think we should have a better understanding.
I just want to bury the hatchet.
Where? Oh, isn't that a darling.
No, it's a Reactor Mach II.
Tell me, would you like to have a car like this? Sure, but even if I could afford it, it's not on the market yet.
Really? Then close your eyes and hold out your hand.
- What's that? - The keys to the car you wanted.
Come on, charm boy.
Let's go see, huh? Come on.
Come on.
- Morning, Charlie.
- Hiya, Joe.
J.
J.
Just stopped me.
Told me the Reactor Mach II has to be ready for the trial run next Monday.
- A week ought to do it.
- Rough night? Had a crazy nightmare.
I dreamt we had the trial run.
And we opened the hood to let the reporters see it.
- The engine was gone.
- No.
The whole thing was powered by a bunch of squirrels.
Squirrels? Oh, that's a riot.
Get the hood up, Charlie.
We'll see if we can't adjust some of those squirrels.
- Hey, Joe? - Yeah.
I think I'm having another nightmare.
The car is gone.
Sam, isn't that wild? Your mother made an exact copy of the Reactor Mach II.
Oh, it's beautiful.
It makes the Batmobile look like a skateboard.
- And it's got a flip-top roof.
- Oh, that's wonderful.
- Electric doors.
How about that? - Yes, how about that? Darrin, don't you think you should thank? Oh, listen to that power plant.
- Must be a gold mine under that hood.
- I hope so.
- Hydraulic suspension system.
- Yeah.
And look at that control panel.
It's even got a radar screen.
I don't think I can bear all this enthusiasm.
See you later, dear.
Darrin, you really should have thanked Mother for the car.
Well, I know I should have, except for one thing.
- What's that? - I can't take it.
Why not? You know I can't accept anything that's a product of witchcraft.
But Mother was only being nice.
I know.
Would you look at that steering system.
Darrin, couldn't you make one little exception? If you make one exception, before you know it, you'll make more.
Couldn't you keep it just for a little while? Would you look at that power plant.
Don't you realize how hurt Mother's going to be if you don't keep it? Honey, it's a matter of principle.
Look, if you'd just accept the car graciously maybe she'd stop bugging you.
- She will? - It's worth a try.
Okay, I'll take it, but only for a little while.
And remember, I'm only doing this for your mother.
Just calm down, Charlie, and go over this step by step.
- We know the place was locked, right? - Right.
- We're the only ones with keys, right? - Right.
Well, there's your answer.
No one could possibly have gotten in.
You're talking nonsense.
The car is gone, isn't it? - Is it? - What? I don't know about you, Charlie, but I am too old to take up another trade.
Do you wanna tell J.
J.
That $150,000 worth of car is missing? And five years of research? Not until we've gone over the whole thing step by step.
Now, we both know the place was locked, right? Now, how am I on that side? - About two feet away.
- That's close enough.
It handles like a dream.
I can't wait to get her out on the highway.
- It does ride beautifully.
- Like to get behind the wheel? - The steering column? - Oh, may I? Of course.
Hon, you better take off your shoes.
- Take off my shoes? - Your high heels will ruin the carpet.
- I'm not wearing high heels.
- Oh, here.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- What are you doing? - Starting the car.
- What for? - So I can drive it.
Are you kidding? I said you could get behind the wheel, but that's all.
- You're never gonna let me drive it? - Oh, sure.
After I've broken it in.
After the first 10,000 miles or so.
Do we still have my old Army blankets? What for? I could put them around the walls of the garage, protect the finish.
- I have a better idea.
- What? Why don't I make a slipcover for it? What kind of material? Oh, boy.
I can't wait to tell Larry about this car.
He'll turn green with envy.
Isn't he gonna wonder how you could afford this car? - I'll tell him the truth.
- What?! I mean, I'll say it was a gift from my mother-in-law and I had to accept it to keep peace in the family.
Now, here's why I think you guys haven't been on the ball.
- The first thing you gotta - Excuse me, Mr.
Sheldrake.
- You play golf, don't you? - Yes.
It's a beautiful day.
We can get in nine holes and talk at the same time.
Only if we play the same ball.
Now, here's what I think your basic mistake has been.
You just don't understand the meatpacking business.
Yes? Put him on.
I'll just be a moment.
Well, Darrin boy, how are you enjoying the day off? Good.
But don't make any plans for the weekend.
I think we may have an emergency coming up.
No kidding, a new car? Is that right? Sounds wild.
Just a minute.
It's Darrin Stephens.
He wants us to come see his new car.
Sounds like something really special.
Tate, I didn't fly in all the way from Cincinnati to see a new car.
Darrin, maybe I'll stop in on my way home.
Right.
Bye.
Sounds expensive.
I wonder where he got that kind of money.
Can I get back to why I think you fellas are off the track with my product, huh? Oh, sure, sure.
It's one of those new experimental jobs.
- What is? - Stephens' car.
Has a flip-top roof, hydraulic suspension and a 425-horsepower engine.
How'd you like to drive that home? All I wanna drive home is my point.
Namely, that your ideas for my product have been too routine.
No dash or imagination.
Tate, this is the space age, and Sheldrake wants to be a part of it.
Do I make myself clear? Yes.
But how do we work sausages into the space age? That's your job.
Well let me see now.
It's got hydraulic suspension, huh? - What has? - Stephens' car.
Tate, can't you keep your mind on one thing for more than a minute? "Made in Detroit"? Charlie, we gotta find some way to explain that car's disappearance.
You're right.
We gotta find some way.
- There's only one problem.
- What's that? There is no way to explain it.
I mean, what do you say? "Sorry, we lost it.
" Reminds me of a guy I know who lost a house.
A house, no kidding? How? Back taxes.
Charlie, I wish I had your sense of humour.
- I'd cut my throat.
- Now, there's an idea.
- Hi.
- Car all tucked in? - I was looking at the engine - Would you like some tea? Oh, no, thank you.
I was just looking at the engine.
It was cute the way you put " Made in Detroit" on it.
And a serial number.
- Makes it look real legitimate.
- What do you mean? The car is legitimate.
Of course, you mean a legitimate copy, don't you? Where did that car come from? - Darrin.
- How should I know? Look in that magazine.
That's where it was when I cast the spell.
You mean it came from Detroit?! What do you think, the stork brought it? Now, listen, you two.
I don't understand.
I do.
Your mother gave me a hot car for a present.
- Mother! - Don't you look at me like that.
I was just trying to do what's-his-name a favour.
- But to steal a car? - Well, where was I going to get it? I'm a witch, not a car manufacturer.
- Will you do me a favour? - What? The next time you decide to do me a favour, don't do me any favours.
Stop it.
Darrin, dear, there's no reason to be in a snit.
Mother just didn't understand what she was doing.
Well, I mean, the worst you can say is that she was a trifle overeager.
- Swell.
That car is worth a fortune.
There's probably an alarm out all over the country.
What do we tell the police when they catch up with it? Your mother is an overeager witch? Well, I'm not gonna stay here and listen to this ingrate.
Goodbye, Samantha.
I'm off to New Orleans for the Mardi Gras.
Oh, Mother, wait a minute.
Oh, please, Mother.
Please come back.
Sam, let her go.
She's caused enough trouble.
Mother.
Mother, are you listening to me? - You come back here right this second.
- Sam, I said forget it.
Who needs her? We've got trouble enough.
The first thing is to go to the garage and put that car back where it belongs.
Don't you understand? I can't.
Mother's the only one that can bring it back.
Mother.
Mother, dear.
You're a dear, sweet, wonderful woman.
We need you.
- Mother? Mother, dear? - It's no use.
- You insulted her.
- I insulted her? - Oh, no.
I insulted her.
- Well, let's not stand here quibbling.
The first thing to do is to go out and lock that garage door before It's too late.
The police.
Darrin, pull yourself together.
Open the door.
Hello, Darrin.
You know Mr.
Sheldrake.
- Why, sure.
- Nice to see you again, Stephens.
Nice to see you again, sir.
Please come in.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Oh, hi, Sam.
Mr.
Sheldrake, I'd like you to meet my wife.
- This is Samantha.
- How do you do, Mr.
Sheldrake? - Pleased to meet you, Mrs.
Stephens.
- Can I get you some coffee? - No, thanks.
- No, no.
Don't bother, Sam.
- Sit.
Make yourselves comfortable.
- Thank you, thank you.
We've been brainstorming new ideas for Sheldrake Sausages and we thought we'd bounce them off you.
And we're both anxious to see that car too.
- Car? - Car? Your new car.
- New car? - New car? Yeah.
I'm dying to see that hydraulic suspension system.
Where is it? Where? Well, the thing is l've just put it to bed.
- At noon? Oh, yes.
It's all tucked in for its nap.
We promise not to wake it up.
Well, the thing is, it's Are you trying to say "business before pleasure"? Yes, that's it.
First, let me hear those ideas you wanna bounce off me.
But watch out for the rebound.
Remember, I've had a half a day off.
Stephens, let's look at the car and talk about it at the same time.
- Well, you see - Darling, you go ahead.
I'll see if I can contact that party.
Oh, okay.
It's in the garage.
Mother, now I want you to listen to me carefully, wherever you are.
Now, I've never asked you for anything important.
Well, at least not recently, not since I asked you to be nice to Darrin.
But now we're in a terrible spot.
So would you come back and help us out, please? Mother? Mother, can you hear me? Oh, boy, are you a stubborn witch.
- What did you say? - Well, don't you get it, Darrin? "Face the space age with Sheldrake Sausages.
" Yeah, and what better symbol can we use than this car? The car of the future.
Why, it's perfect.
But What What I'm saying is What are you trying to say? Well, since you asked, I'm not sure that the car is the right symbol.
Stephens, believe me l'll make this the most photographed car in the country.
I'll go further.
I'm positive it's the wrong symbol.
You see, Mr.
Sheldrake? When you deal with McMann & Tate you're not buying yourself a lot of yes men.
This boy's got real integrity.
What are you trying to do, sabotage the account? Well, now that you've had a chance to think it over, tell the truth.
Sheldrake's idea has real magic in it.
- Right, Darrin? - Right.
- That's why I'm against it.
- What? - Darrin? - Excuse me.
- Any luck? - No, I'm afraid not.
Why is she being so stubborn? Doesn't she realize the terrible spot I'm in? You see that, I answered my own question.
Darrin, that's not quite fair.
Mother just didn't think of the consequences.
Sam, one of the consequences is breathing down my neck right now.
The client wants to use the car as part of his advertising campaign.
Oh, my stars.
Well, just refuse.
It's your car.
- What? - Well, it's in your custody.
Sam, I'm going to be in custody if you don't contact your mother.
If she won't come back, there's only one thing to do.
- I'll have to go find her.
- To New Orleans? - I'll only be gone a few minutes.
- I don't know.
- Here they come.
- Have a nice trip.
Look, Darrin, I think I know what's bothering you.
You just got the car.
It's brand-new.
Naturally, you're concerned about our using it.
- Yes, it's perfectly understandable.
- As a matter of fact Let's drop the matter for now, huh? And maybe later on, we'll see, huh? Thanks, Larry.
Mr.
Sheldrake has just one little request.
Yes.
Could I drive it around the block? No! No.
Charlie, whatever we decide to tell J.
J.
, we have to be in complete agreement.
- Right.
- It's important to stick together.
Right, right.
United we fall and divided No, united Forget it, and let's try to find something we can agree on.
Okay, if that's the way you feel, it's your car and if you don't want Sheldrake to drive it, that's your business.
Thank you, Larry, for being so understanding.
But it's my business to keep our clients happy.
Any employee that doesn't cooperate isn't going to stay in my business.
- Is that a threat? - Call it a promise.
Mr.
Sheldrake, you wanna drive my car? - Here are the keys.
- Thanks.
Drive slowly.
Watch out for the light.
Be very kind to those brakes.
They're very tender.
My boy, I was driving before you were born.
Just once around the block? I can't bear to watch this.
I'm going in to have a double.
Darrin, we're back.
- Sam, you found her.
- Yes.
- You don't look too well.
- And I have you to thank for it.
If that's the way you're going to act, I'm going Mother, please, wait.
Mother came all the way from the Mardi Gras in New Orleans to help you.
- Don't ask me why.
- All right, I'm sorry.
Just put that car back where it belongs, please.
Oh, she will, she will.
Just don't bug her.
- What are you doing? - She has to concentrate.
Wait a minute.
Not now! What did you do that for? - Isn't that what you wanted? - No.
He's too much.
Samantha, don't you re? Isn't Sheldrake back yet? Larry, I'm afraid he went a little further than we expected.
Oh, my stars! - We're in complete agreement, right? - Right.
You're gonna go to Peru, I'm taking off for Brazil.
And if anybody asks, we never even heard of the car.
- We never even heard of each other.
- Right.
Hi there.
Sheldrake's the name, sausage is my game.
Charlie.
Here's something we can agree on.
I won't say anything about this if you don't.
Right.
Right.
Has the pounding gone away? Oh, yeah.
And it's changed to a low thump.
I feel terrible about this.
I don't understand.
A responsible man, head of a big company.
And he just drives off with your car.
Oh, well, Larry, you know these rich men.
- They're so eccentric.
- But I know how much that car is worth.
Well, Darrin isn't worried, why should you be? - He's not worried? - No, I'm sick.
Darrin.
Excuse me.
Hello? No, this is Mrs.
Stephens.
Oh, Mr.
Sheldrake.
Where are you? At the airport? What's he doing there? And what? What about the car? Mr.
Sheldrake there's something I'd like to try and explain to you but I'm not absolutely sure how to What's that? You have? You were? You are? Oh, why, Mr.
Sheldrake, that sounds wonderful.
Yes.
All right.
Goodbye.
What is it? What happened to him? What about the car? He took a slight detour.
Just going around the block? He said that someday, when he figured it out for himself he'd tell you all about it.
- What? He also said to go ahead and use the car in the advertising campaign.
- He has the rights to it.
- But how did he get them? Well, it seems he ran into the two men who designed it.
I don't understand anything about this, but it's okay with me.
He sure flipped over that car, didn't he? - Yeah, he flipped, all right.
- Oh, he certainly did.
Yeah, he said it's a great experimental car and they'll have no trouble getting it off the ground.
Well, that's what he said.