George Lopez (2002) s03e19 Episode Script

- Hey, honey.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, Daddy.
- Hey, baby.
Don't schedule anything for Saturday the 29th.
We've got a fundraiser at Carmen's school.
Oh, I can't.
I'm busy Saturdays for the rest of the year.
Doing what? I'm a volunteer fireman.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me.
You know, out there on the front line.
That could be the station.
Lopez, Unit 41.
What, chief? There's gonna be a big fire on the 29th? Well, don't worry.
You can count on me, chief.
Chief said they moved your hair appointment to 4:30.
Dad, come on.
This fundraiser is really important.
We can barely afford the 14 grand it takes to send you to that school.
- This is to increased handicap access.
- Don't they have enough? They got ramps and parking, a head start at the L.
A.
Marathon.
They're halfway done by the time everyone else starts.
What else do they want? To walk.
Well, I wanna fly.
Where is my fundraiser? You know, the handicap bathrooms are nice.
Sometimes when you've had a few, that little railing on the side is the only thing that keeps you from taking a header into the can.
- Hey, Mr.
Lopez.
Mrs.
Lopez.
- Hey.
Hey, Carmen.
I signed us up to do the kissing booth.
Are you sure you wanna see me kissing other guys? No, you're taking the tickets.
I'm doing all the kissing.
Well, ha, if it's a buck a kiss what does a 20 get me? Mom, you're not tall enough to ride that ride.
You gonna be there Saturday, Mr.
Lopez? Jason, I know your brother's in a wheelchair.
And I know you think this fundraiser's important - Can I use your bathroom? - But I think it's crucial.
You must be Eric.
Jason has told me so much about you and your brave fight.
Well, I'm losing the fight.
Where is the bathroom? Jason, why don't you show your brother where it is? Straight to the left.
Easy with the towel racks, Eric, because they're not reinforced.
I'll go on Saturday but I'm not giving them any money.
They're not asking for money.
They want us to work a booth.
So everyone's working a booth? No.
Most families are donating money, but they understand a few families can't bear the financial burden.
- Can't bear the burden? Screw that.
I'm not gonna play the poor family.
I'll write a check right now because I'm not working in a booth.
They're asking for $5000.
Our booth is gonna make more money than all those rich people combined.
And I don't care what it is, Angie, the ring toss or the squirt-a-clown.
I'll make cotton candy.
I'll do it.
I'll be there guessing your weight with a little thing.
Pa-ting! - There's only two booths left.
- Fine.
What are they? There's the fiesta taco stand.
That's not gonna happen.
What's the other booth? Well Come on, people, dunk the very proud man.
Okay.
Buck-a-ball.
Let's try.
You wanna try? Money's for a good cause.
- Let's go, let's go.
- Angie.
We're never gonna make enough money to show up these rich people.
Well, maybe it's because nobody knows you.
Usually they get to dunk somebody that they don't like, like the principal or the math teacher or something.
It's hard for me to be unlikable but I'll give it a shot.
Hey, Dawson's Creek.
Spend some of that trust fund money on something other than hair gel.
Buy a ball.
Come on, Jason, dunk him.
Jason, take a shot.
Maybe it'll get things started.
No, I don't think that'd be good for my relationship with Mr.
Lopez.
Relationship? I don't even like you, man.
Come on, quarterback, I saw your team go one and 12.
Pretend that target's the other team's safety.
I bet you hit it every time.
All right.
I'll play.
Careful.
Don't break a nail.
You go, girl! Hey, the bench called.
It misses your ass.
- You wanna try again? - That's all right.
Gotta get back to the kissing booth.
Go back to that booth.
I'd rather kiss strangers than Carmen too.
- Give me that.
- Oh, now I'm scared.
Whoa! As long as you're throwing, I'll be as dry as your mom's elbow skin.
- Hey.
- Ha! That's right, Angie.
I'm right here.
Buy a ball.
- Okay if I hang out? - Yeah, hang on.
I'm gonna build you another ramp.
Hey, hey.
Hercules.
Hercules.
Hercules.
Where you going? They'll be selling corn dogs all day.
George.
You wanna go again? Ladies and gentlemen, there goes the hardest working colon in high school.
Come on, man.
Take another shot.
Yeah.
Well, perhaps if the target was a little bigger.
Like your head.
Man, why you gotta go there, man? Don't hate, player.
Hey, Mom.
If you're here, what are all the kids petting? You know what? You just get ready to swim.
- Here you go.
- These aren't for me.
They're for my new friend, Kenny Lofton.
Ha, ha.
Kenny Lofton.
You're the Yankees center fielder.
Six-time All-Star Gold Glove.
But you know they say, Kenny.
That arm, ahh it ain't what it used to be.
Hang on.
Let me get your cutoff, man.
All right.
Well, you did it once, but consistency is not your strong suit.
Or else they wouldn't have traded you six times.
Whoop! I'd like 100 balls, please.
Odele.
That was close.
Why don't you give it another try? - Angie, what are you doing in the tank? - Covering for you.
You said you were going to the bathroom.
That was half an hour ago.
There was a long line.
Churro? You are so lucky I didn't get dunked.
Sweetie, why don't you save that last ball and then when Mr.
Lopez comes That's all right, she's Cuban.
She'll be in Miami in two days.
- Mr.
Lopez.
- Yeah.
I'm Dr.
Stahler.
I'm the principal here at Allendale.
- May I have a word with you? - Of course you may.
Mr.
Lopez, I believe you know Lawrence Baxter.
Did you make comments concerning this young man's weight? This young man right here? No.
There were witnesses, man.
I was trying to get people in the booth.
He took it the wrong way.
Did you say he has "the hardest working colon in high school"? Well, when you say it, it sounds kind of mean.
Principal Stahler.
Hi, how's the fundraiser going? - She was standing right there.
Ask her.
- Lawrence, chill.
Mrs.
Lopez, did you hear the disparaging remarks your husband made about Lawrence? No, I only heard him say, "Good job, son that'll help raise money for our handicapped friends.
" Did you know my husband was a volunteer firefighter? It's too late, Angie.
- What? - He said, "The big crybaby screwed him.
" I used to teach Spanish.
I'll just apologize to him.
He's right there.
I'm afraid it's too late for that.
We have a zero tolerance policy here for verbal abuse and that applies to the parents as well.
You need to write a letter of apology.
We will publish it in the school paper.
But until that time, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave the campus.
- So you're throwing me out? - Honey, don't make a scene.
Do you know how much money I made for this fundraiser? I bet if I was one of these rich parents.
I bet if I donated a library or a science lab I could do whatever I want, I could say whatever I want.
Hey, Thurston, didn't you get the e-mail? Stupid Hat Day is tomorrow.
Come on, Angie, stop.
You're making a scene.
Wrap yourself.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
- Are you writing your apology letter? - Yes.
How's this? "Dear Lawrence, this is an apology.
Do not eat this letter.
" Just write a real apology.
I don't want Principal Stahler to be mad at me.
I have to face her every time I volunteer at the school library.
When I was a kid, I got made fun of all the time.
And nobody ever told me they were sorry.
My science teacher never apologized for saying: "Kids, today I'm gonna teach you about an eclipse.
Lopez, put your head in front of the sun.
" And then it got dark and nobody could see my tears falling.
Honey, I love your big head.
Look.
It has its own gravitational pull.
- Today was the worst day of my life.
- Let me guess.
I made fun of some kids, so today they made fun of you.
Honey, isn't it possible that they were just gonna make fun of you, anyway? No.
Look what's posted on the school's website.
Some kid put a picture of a hot chick in a wet T-shirt that looks just like Angie! It's me getting out of the dunk tank.
You can see right through my shirt.
Who did this? I don't know but every kid in school has seen it.
Nobody does this to my wife.
Somebody is gonna pay for this.
Oh, yeah.
I know a lot of guys who'll pay for that.
If I wanted people to see pictures of my wife like that I would have married a Playmate.
- Yeah.
That's what stopped you.
- Hey, Jason.
- Hey, Carmen.
- Hey, Mr.
Lopez.
- Hey.
Mrs.
Lopez.
- Jason, it's okay.
You can look at me.
- I didn't see the picture.
Then why can't you look at me? Okay, I saw it.
But only because one of the guys on the football team made it into a life-size poster and put it up in the shower.
That's it.
I'm going down to that school.
- I'm gonna bust some heads.
- Whose heads? - We don't even know who's responsible? - Actually, that's why I came over.
You know that big kid Mr.
Lopez was making fun of? My brother saw him at the tank with a camera phone.
Lawrence.
Angie, he did this to get back at me.
You had to open your big mouth and insult everybody that walked by.
Hey, I was doing that for the disabled.
Sometimes you have to hurt some kids to help others.
Oh.
So who were trying to help when you hurt me? You don't know him, but he's very nice.
Angie, I'm gonna get that directory and I'm gonna take care of Lawrence.
You're not gonna do anything.
You've done enough.
I will handle this.
But, baby, I got this.
You always say that, but you never have it.
Ever.
Sometimes I have it.
I just don't always brag about it.
And sometimes I just have it! You just click once and drag it wherever you want.
It's really easy to put a head on someone else's body.
Mm-hm.
Oh, see here? It's Michael Jackson dangling Carmen from a balcony.
All right, that's great, Max.
Scoot over.
- Hey, Ernie, you got Lawrence's picture.
- Yeah.
Right here.
- What are you gonna do, Dad? - Okay, watch this.
All right, see the mama pig suckling her 10 little piglets? There's Lawrence suckling 10 little piglets.
Oh, hey.
Put his head on the picture of those two pigs playing leap frog.
The one where it says "making bacon.
" They're not playing leap frog, Max.
Those pigs are Ow! Okay.
Here's 5 bucks, okay? You were never here.
Let's go to the Allendale website and post this.
Because you don't mess with George Lopez's lady, because I'm hard like that.
That's right! That's what I'm talking about.
Nobody messes with us.
- We're like that.
- Anybody home? - Send it.
Quick.
- Where? Right there! Hey, Ernie.
What're you guys looking at? Oh, I don't know.
George, what were we looking at? - The news.
- Oh.
I'm really concerned on how this mad cow thing is gonna affect the Nikkei Index.
Yeah, you know, speaking of mad cow, I told my mom I'd be home by 6, so, uh, later.
So how did it go at school? I met with the principal and she's gonna talk to Lawrence.
And tomorrow I'm gonna work at the library like nothing ever happened.
I'm not gonna let some stupid teenage prank change my life.
Good for you.
Thank you for not interfering.
I had to do this my way.
You're right, baby.
Look, you have your way and I have mine.
Okay, if we both respect that I'll never have to sleep on the weight bench in the garage.
- Hey, Mrs.
Lopez.
- Hey.
Any better today, honey? Well, um, during the morning assembly, the principal pointed at me and told everyone to stop making fun of Carmen Lopez.
That helped.
I'll go upstairs and talk to her.
Oh, thank God.
I thought it was my turn.
Well, it is your turn.
Yeah, but you're already right there by the stairs, so just go.
Maybe we should go.
I don't think Carmen's in the mood to hang out.
She got crap about that picture all day.
- Yeah, don't worry.
They'll be talking about another picture tomorrow.
Check this out.
I just posted this on the school's website.
Whoa.
Hey, that's Lawrence.
He's nursing piglets.
Who knew he was such a nurturing mother? Mr.
Lopez, that's kind of harsh.
The guy just made one mistake.
One mistake? Did you see what he did to Mrs.
Lopez? Let him suffer.
But, I mean, he already gets teased a lot because of his weight.
He should have thought about that before he took that picture.
But we're not really sure he did it.
I thought you said you saw him with a camera phone.
Well, I did, but that doesn't mean anything.
A lot of people have camera phones.
Look, I just sent out pictures of this kid as a pig because of what you said.
I didn't know you were gonna do that.
I wouldn't have said anything.
Do you have a camera phone, Eric? I think I left the van ramp down.
Not so fast, Ironside.
What's going on, Eric? I took the picture.
- I'm really, really sorry.
- You little Okay.
Fair fight.
Roll into this.
- What is going on? - It was him, Angie.
Eric took that picture of you.
What? Why would you do that? I don't know.
I thought it'd be funny.
I'm really sorry, Mrs.
Lopez.
I feel terrible.
Well as long as you understand what you've done is wrong I guess we can let this go.
Mrs.
Lopez, if you don't treat him like everybody else you're not doing him any favors.
You drooling little weasel! I worked that stupid booth all day to help raise money to make your life easier and this is how you pay me back? I have half a mind to tie your hands behind your back and push you into a pool.
That would kill him.
Well, tomorrow morning I am taking you to the principal.
I wouldn't be surprised if you got suspended.
Can we go in the afternoon? I have neuromuscular therapy in the morning.
Well.
- Let's just forget this ever happened.
- Thank you.
It was just a dumb prank.
I never expected all those kids to tease Carmen.
Oh, and that picture of Lawrence Mr.
Lopez put on the - What picture? - Let's remember who the real villain is here.
The kid in the wheelchair.
What picture? Angie.
There is no more noble action, than to defend the honor and virtue of the woman that you love.
I put the boy's head on the picture of a mother pig offering one of her many milk nozzles to her young.
I dare you to find fault with that.
To the weight bench.
George, Lawrence is here.
- No, Angie, do I have to? - Yes, you do.
If you go out there and don't see me and there's a big lump in Lawrence's throat, call the cops.
- You wanted to see me? - Yes, I did.
Listen, Lawrence, I was way out of line, okay? And what I did was insensitive.
And I wanted to call you over to tell you that I'm sorry and to give you an autographed picture of Kenny Lofton.
And And a picture of Michael Jackson dangling me over the balcony.
I look scared but I'm not.
What else you got? A very heartfelt "I'm sorry" and "goodbye.
" Your wife says you have something special to give me for what you did.
What, are you holding back? - My wife said that? - Yeah.
All right.
Here are two courtside Laker tickets I got for my birthday.
Are we cool? Wow, Mr.
Lopez, thanks.
- Lf you can't find anyone to go with you - Yeah, yeah.
Man, we could have hot dogs, popcorn, cotton candy everything, right? Too bad, because Big L don't roll like that.
Peace out, player.