Just Shoot Me! (1997) s03e19 Episode Script

Hey! Check out my new watch, dude.
It's a pager, a stopwatch, a thermometer.
Gets all my phone numbers, reminds me of my birthdays, gets all the news, sports, and weather, and the alarm plays Beethoven.
Cool.
What time is it? I have no idea.
Elliott, I need a favor.
ELLIOTT: Sure.
What do you need? Well, I've been taking this photography class (SCOFFING) Really? Is that amusing? Maya, you're a friend.
If I can free up some time, I'd be more than happy to speak to your little class.
No.
Can I borrow some lens cleaner? Oh.
Yeah, I guess.
Anyway, if you need any pointers or advice Oh, well, no, thanks.
I don't think my teacher would want me to talk to you.
What? Well, you know, what you do is commercial photography, and my teacher has a more artistic approach.
Oh, but you do take pictures, right? We take photographs, yes.
Oh, who is this clown? Martin Spancer.
You know, Maya, with all due respect to the great Martin Spancer, just because my work appears in a magazine, doesn't mean it's not artistic.
Elliott, did you shoot that black sweater for the dandruff piece? I'm working on it, Jack.
Just make sure the flakes are nice and big.
Nina, how are those interviews for your new assistant going? Oh, I'm just about to start.
Great, I'll join you.
Jack, I think I can handle this on my own.
Really? Let's review some of your previous choices.
Let's.
That pretty boy, John Harder.
John Harder? No, no, no.
His name was John Davis.
Then why were you always in your office screaming, "John Har" Oh.
Well, that explains Billy Faster.
Fine, maybe my judgment has been suspect, but that's all changed.
(SOFTLY) Just watch.
Follow me, please.
(DOOR CLOSING) One-handed shuffle, huh? Oh.
Sorry, it's just a nervous habit.
I really want the job.
Not to worry.
A little magic never killed anyone.
Except Houdini.
So, let's see something.
What, you mean like a trick? Yeah, trick me.
If you can.
Okay.
(CHUCKLING) Pick a card.
I think I see where this is going.
All right.
Now place it back in the deck.
Of course.
Okay, now you can shuffle them as much as you like.
Fancy.
Mmm-hmm.
Bet you didn't expect this.
That should do it.
Let's see what you got.
No, sir.
Let's see what you got.
Excuse me? Well, if you would kindly reach into your inside coat pocket, I think you'll find a little surprise.
Is that your card? Nina, we got our guy! It's sunrise.
You see two trees in a glen.
Their branches almost touching.
Are they merely trees, or lovers about to part? Reaching, yearning for one last caress before the morn? Miss Gallo? (STUTTERS) Lovers? Trees? Lovers.
Miss Gallo, don't be afraid to look at the world through your own eyes, your own perspective.
That goes for everyone.
The answers won't come from me, they'll only come from you.
So, what is it, trees or lovers? Just think about it.
Check it out, I paid for this class, so you work for me.
Why are you here, Mr.
Greenberg? It was a Hanukkah present.
Before we go, a few of you are ready for a new assignment.
Please listen carefully as I do not wish to repeat myself.
Mr.
Parker, fruit in a bowl.
Mr.
Greenberg, flowers in a vase.
Miss Gallo, nude self-portrait.
So, 'til Thursday.
Did he say nude self-portrait? Did he say flowers in a vase? Can I help you? Yes.
I don't know Hey, I don't want to shoot flowers.
Excuse me? Flowers are boring.
Can't I take pictures of something else? Like my mom or a hooker? Mr.
Greenberg, do you actually think I would give a student an assignment without forethought? Well I wouldn't.
Shooting flowers requires an attention to detail which has been conspicuously absent from your photographs.
Yeah I'm trying to make you a better photographer! Miss Gallo was assigned a nude self-portrait to make her work more daring and less inhibited.
Do you hear her complaining? What if the hooker is holding a flower? Good day, Mr.
Greenberg.
It's kind of a compromise.
I said good day! Now, Miss Gallo, do you have a question? Yes.
Full frontal okay? Yes, please.
Brad, where are the sidebars from graphics? Oh! I don't know.
Brad, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not pretty enough to be this useless.
Nina, I'm sorry, but I need to borrow Brad to take an important letter.
Do you mind? What about Finch? Well, he's busy.
I don't want to bother him.
(WATCH PLAYING BEETHOVEN PIECES) (DOOR CLOSING) You do know what's going on here, don't you? Who cares? Lick my watch and I'll tell you your temperature.
No, you don't get it.
He is not working, he's amusing Jack.
Jack doesn't need anyone to amuse him.
He got me.
(EXCLAIMING) That son of a bitch! Oh, this one's nice.
I mean, one look and you can tell it's the Brooklyn Bridge.
Yeah.
Would you call them daring? Well, not so much daring as Inhibited? Yes, yes.
I mean, but they're still nice.
They're good, they're good.
Do you think it would help if I took more risks as a photographer? Absolutely.
A good photographer should always work without a net.
Well, then, could I borrow your studio tonight? Sure, I could even help you tonight.
No.
I meant if you weren't going to be there.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to ruin your work with my years of commercial experience.
(STUTTERING) No, no, no, no, no.
It's just that I'm doing a self-portrait, and I have to be nude.
Oh.
Did someone just say "nude"? What? I have an ear for certain words.
And I'm positive I heard the word "nude.
" From the other side of the office? It's kind of a gift.
"G-string.
" Gotta go.
Anyway, I'm a little nervous about the assignment.
Oh, yeah, well, just remember, everyone in your class is going through the same thing.
Actually, they're not.
I'm the only one who's assigned a nude self-portrait.
(LAUGHING) What's so funny? Maya, the guy wants to see you naked.
What? He wants a free peek.
No, he doesn't! Is he gay? No.
He does! You just confirmed everything he said.
That my photos are inhibited and that I should work without a net.
Yeah, without a net, yes.
Without pants, no.
Finch, have you seen my worthless assistant? You mean, Sucko the Magnificent? He's in with Jack.
Still? Yes.
And I'll slit my throat if I hear one more "Ta-da" followed by "Ha!" I just don't get it.
How'd you do that? Uh-uh.
A magician never tells.
Oh, we'll see.
So, get to those reports first thing in the morning.
You got it, Jack.
(DOOR CLOSING) How'd things go in there, Brad? Just fine, thanks.
Mmm.
Get a lot of work done? Yes, very productive.
For God sakes, fix yourself up.
You're hanging out.
Okay, okay, okay.
(SIGHING) Okay.
(WATCH PLAYING BEETHOVEN PIECE) Finch! Stupid watch! How long have you been in there? I'm not sure, but the NASDAQ is plummeting.
Get out, get out! You should be flattered.
It was 112 degrees in there.
Celsius.
Get out.
(EXHALES) Okay.
Here goes.
(CAMERA CLICKING) And so I ask you, what has Mr.
Greenberg captured here? The essence of a flower or the point of view of an aggressively average thinker? Dude, I'm right here.
Class dismissed.
(CLEARING THROAT) Yes, Miss Gallo, can I help you? I have my photographs.
Wonderful.
You're not gonna look at them now, are you? Well, yes, of course.
Why not? (STUTTERING) Well, 'cause I'm just a little nervous.
This is exactly the kind of self-conscious attitude that's been holding you back.
(SIGHING) As an artist, you should be naked in all your work, exposing your true self to the world.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Oh, my! Yeah? Woo! Would you look at these.
Tremendous! Just tremendous! Really? The composition is startling in its boldness.
Whoa, boy.
(LAUGHING) (EXCLAIMING) The play of light and shadow.
One could get lost in those shadows.
Wow.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
This is why I got into teaching.
Well, I did feel that the assignment forced me to think about who I am.
You know, really open up.
Maya, I realize this is last minute, but I'm teaching a master class upstate this weekend.
I didn't think you were ready, but clearly you are.
Oh, my God, you really think so? I'm sure of it.
I mean, these are worthy of mounting.
These contracts should be faxed over right away.
Okay, but that might be tough.
I recently separated my thumb.
(SCATTING) Cute.
Jack, we need to talk.
JACK: What is it? It's Brad.
He comes in late, he takes long lunches, he accomplishes nothing.
Be straight with me, Jack, are you grooming him for my position? Of course not.
Well, you should know that he's become a real problem.
I've already had to cancel one shoot because of him.
He's costing you money.
Oh, don't you worry about Jack.
He's got plenty of money in his ear.
(LAUGHING) Stop that.
So, can I fire Brad or not? No, I think he's working out just fine.
(MUMBLING) Yeah, I'm sure you do.
Excuse me? Oh, nothing.
It's just that I don't think a certain person should criticize me for hiring muscular assistants when that same certain person hires a guy just because he can escape from handcuffs! Which, FYI, is not all that tough.
Hey, Jack, if you need me, I'll be by the fax machine working like a robot.
(HUMMING) Are you gaining weight? Hey, Elliott, I'm going on a yogurt run.
You want anything? Sure, what flavors do they got? Okay, I'll get you next time.
Hey.
So, what did Martin think of your nude pictures? Hey, guys.
Martin happened to have loved them.
Yeah.
Because you're naked.
For your information, he was so impressed, he invited me to his master class in upstate this weekend.
Oh, Maya, that's great.
You know, I once posed for nude photos.
Yeah, we've all seen your screensaver, Nina.
You're going away with him for the weekend, are you kidding? I'm not going away with him, it's a photography workshop for his advanced students.
Maya, you can't go with him.
Why not? Because he's just taking advantage of you.
Well, why can't you just accept that Martin may admire me for my work? Because I've seen your work and it's not that good.
I had to say it.
I didn't want to say it, but I said it.
There, I said it.
Now you say something.
I have to get going.
I have a train to catch.
No, say something else.
You know what, Elliott? I think you're jealous of little Maya.
Of her vision.
Of her talent.
Because maybe, just maybe, she's becoming the artist you wish you could be.
You're not seeing the pictures.
Please! Huh? It's not my card.
Oh, it's not? I don't know what happened.
Don't worry, you can't get me every time.
(STUTTERING) Oh, here, let me make it up to you.
This can't be.
Oh? Ta-da! JACK: Ha! (MUMBLING) "Take a" Alakazam Crap.
Brad, we've been having a fun little time here these last few days, right? Right.
But there comes a time when a man needs to take it to the next step.
Oh.
What are you saying? Tell me how you did that trick.
Mr.
Gallo, I'm not that kind of magician.
(SIGHING) You know what, Brad? I respect that.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Gallo.
Thanks a lot.
So I'll see you later then? Great! Great.
Okay.
Dennis.
Have Brad transferred to the Denver Sales Office.
Aha! Gotcha.
Is he fired? (EXCLAIMING) Dennis.
Dennis, you don't have to do tricks for me.
But, while you're here (SIGHING) (CLEARING THROAT) (HUMMING) (CHUCKLING) I'm such a whore.
Elliott? What are you doing here? I'm sorry I said you aren't a good photographer.
You're my friend and I should've been more supportive.
It's just that I I don't trust this Martin Spancer and I don't want to see you get hurt.
You came all the way up here to tell me that? Yes.
I mean, that and I've never been north of Westchester.
So I figured, two birds, you know You know, it's funny.
The whole ride up here, all I could think about was how much I hate you.
Hmm.
But now? But now that you're here, will you take a look at these? The red folder.
Unfortunately, your stupid opinion means something to me.
I can't even walk into that class 'cause I can't stop thinking about what you said.
If you still don't think I'm a good photographer, I'll just forget about the whole thing.
All right, here goes.
Well, first things first.
Dynamite body.
(SIGHING) Elliott.
But, more to the point, they're really good.
You think? Yeah.
I mean, technically, they're fine, they're perfect, but it's the attitude, you know? The walls are down.
It's a wonderful flow.
You're not just saying that? No, I'm not.
I'm really impressed.
I mean, maybe I was wrong about Spancer.
Maybe I was jealous of him.
The point is, is that you do belong here.
He clearly has an eye for talent.
Okay, ladies, let's get back to nature! Off with your tops and into the woods! Last one on the trampoline loses her darkroom privileges.
Can you get me into this class? You know, it's a shame we have to leave.
That lake looks so calm and serene.
Hmm, yeah.
There's not even a ripple.
Yeah.
Nipple? Ripple.
(SOFTLY) Ripple.