Kung Fu Panda Legends Of Awesomeness (2011) s03e19 Episode Script

And now Dreamworks' Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness.
Hear the legends of the kung fu panda Raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame he climbed the mountaintop and earned the Dragon Warrior name Ooh! Ahh! Yah! kung fu panda Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom and master the skills of bodacious and awesome kung fu panda he lives and he trains and he fights with the furious five protect the valley, something, something something, something alive Ooh! Ahh! Uh! kung fu panda legends of awesomeness Sweet! - Open the door.
- Uh-oh.
Ow.
- Lame.
- Bian Zao.
Open the door this instant.
- I know what you're doing in - No, you don't.
You're trying to master your magical lightning powers.
I am not.
I mean, lightning? Wha Oh, come on.
I know all about it.
Every time you use it, you magnetize all my cogs.
- So I magnetized your cogs.
Go away.
- Nope.
Now, come gaze in awe at my latest masterwork - and praise my incredible brilliance.
- Like that has ever happened, ever.
Then, we can have a nice game of checkers.
- Lame.
- Behold my latest unstoppable war machine! It has a mighty mechanical tentacle to smite my foes, impalement protuberances to spear those who stand against me, sound-amplifying flaps to listen in on my enemies' plans, terrifying percussive columns to pummel my nemeses.
- It's an elephant.
- Whoa.
Funny I never noticed that.
Well, behold my battle elephant of unreckonable malevolence And you're gonna use it to beat the Dragon Warrior and prove that machines are superior to kung fu.
Whatever.
This time, I'm bringing a scroll to read.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yah.
Taotie, your clockwork toys are no match for my skills.
Also, this thing's offensive to elephants.
Now, my son, deploy the trunk.
I said now, while he's down! - Let me finish this page.
- Do it now.
Now, now, now, now, now Do what I tell you! Stop it.
You're not the boss of me, okay? I'm not gonna let you tell me what to do anymore.
Yes, you are.
Do you know why? Because if I don't tell you what to do, you don't do anything at all.
Look at you.
What have you done in your life? - Nothing.
- Huh? You're not entitled to an opinion, not until you actually do something.
- I think you were a little hard on him.
- I was not.
- The boy needs discipline.
- He needs guidance.
Look at you, so smug with your smug little smug-face.
What? This This is my regular face.
- And And I'm just sayin' that - You know what? I can't even fight you when you're like this.
But I was about to It's not always about you.
I have needs too.
Hi.
I've never done anything? I do stuff all the time, all the time, like like that one time I stood by that plank for a while.
You there! Halt now or be frozen.
- Wha? - Give us your money, or Oh.
- Hey.
Your Taotie's kid, aren't you? - Unfortunately.
Is he like the annoying-est dad ever? He seems like he'd be lame.
Yes! Lame is exactly what he is! I know what you're going through, bro.
My dad is the biggest jerk of ever.
One time, he grounded me for calling broccoli a vegetable.
- Technically, it's a flower.
- Gah-Ri.
- You are on my last nerve.
- My dad once grounded me for calling his whirling cream-pot of disproportionate agony "a big bag of bogus.
" Dads, huh? Huh.
So, um, where'd you get the uncanny lightning powers? - Stole 'em.
- Oh, my gosh! I love stealing! Remember when my dad was auctioning off those mystic secrets? He had this machine that Oh, right, you guys swiped them out of that Yao guy's head.
Uh, I was gonna tell the whole story.
Don't gotta.
I was there.
Remember the whole thing.
You and me should be buddies, guy.
Ooh, and tomorrow's my birthday.
You gotta come to my party.
It's gonna be so rad.
- Okay, buddy, guy.
- Oh, wait.
Um, we better clear it with my boss first.
He's way cool, though, and you'll totally dig him.
Bian Zao.
You and I are gonna do great things together.
- We are? - Oh, most definitely.
With your power and your spunk, you're just who I need to be my number one guy.
But I thought I was your That's cool.
He's, um, number one.
- Whoo.
- That sounds great, anything that doesn't involve my lame dad.
I too dislike things that are lame.
Wow, we've got so much in common, it's scary.
Say, do you know what would be fun? Using my lightning powers to steal stuff? You read my mind, homey boy.
Do you have those little ginger cakes I like? - Ginger fennel? Ginger mint? - I don't know.
The ones I like.
All right, everybody.
Give us your money, and no one gets hurt.
- Gah - Gah-Ri? No one else gets hurt.
- Ginger cakes.
- Hey.
It's a good thing I never leave home without protection.
- What? - Flying fists of flagrant fury! - Stop.
- Wha? Never done anything, huh? Well, here's something.
See you at dinner, old man.
Till then, I'll be hanging out with my new buddy, Tong Fo.
And me.
I'm his buddy too.
We have matching buddy hats.
Tomorrow's my birthday.
Looks like your boy's fallen in with a bad crowd.
This is all just so sad.
- Taotie! - Relax, legs.
I just wanna talk to Po.
- But the battle machine.
- What? I should walk up all those stairs? Come on, I have to see Po.
- Magic lightning powers? - Not important.
The point is: Bian Zao is spending time with the Croc Bandits and Tong Fo.
He won't listen to me anymore.
- Maybe he'll listen to you.
- I don't know.
Please, I know we've had our disagreements.
- You've tried to off me 16 times! - Because we disagreed.
But this is my son, and Tong Fo is, well He's a bad dude.
I don't want my boy to turn into a common thug, Po.
A scheming evil genius, sure, but this? You've got to help me.
I don't know where else to turn.
There you are.
Your father and I have been worried sick about you.
Po? What are you doing here? I want you to know that no matter what, we care very much about you.
Just tell him he can't hang out with Tong Fo anymore.
That's what this is about? You're here to tell me what to do? No, no, no, we just want to make suggestions, - mandatory suggestions.
- I don't need this.
You listen to me, young man.
Tong Fo is not your friend.
At least he doesn't boss me around.
Don't you walk out! Don't you walk out that door, young man! I'm your father! I own you! You own him? I mean, it's like my dad thinks I'm just another one of his tools that he can just use, like a tool.
- Yeah.
It's just so lame.
- It's worse than lame.
Oh.
I just wish I could like show him he can't control me.
You have been wronged, chum, terribly wronged.
How fortunate that I am here to help, for I have in mind a way to prove to your father once and for all that you are no one's tool.
Why are you whispering? Are you planning me a birthday surprise? Yes.
These will do.
For me? Oh, my gosh, you guys.
This is such a surprise.
Wait.
No, this is just Taotie's junk.
There's no birthday surprise, you imbecile.
Sure there isn't.
Don't worry, boss.
I promise I'll be really surprised, like Hey, do we need to crank these things up or something? Not anymore.
Buddy, we're gonna make your point very forcefully.
We gotta get him away from Tong Fo, and yelling isn't gonna do it.
What should I say? "Pretty please, don't ruin your life?" He wouldn't be acting out if you didn't let him stay up till all hours.
Hey, I'm the one who's there day in and day out.
You only see him when you feel like it.
Enough.
Taotie, first, you need to stop talking.
Second actually, there is no second.
Just stop talking.
You wanna tell Bian Zao how to live his life, and you can't.
You have to let him find his own way.
And Po, you wait, why are you even involved in this? More importantly, why am I even involved in this? So you're saying just let Bian Zao hang out with - Tong Fo and his hoodlums? - For the time being, yes.
- No, not gonna happen.
- Nope, not way.
Not a chance.
What else you got? You asked my advice.
I gave it.
Bian Zao is like this dough.
If you handle it gently, all is well.
But if you put too much pressure on it, you won't like what happens.
Oh, man.
This was gonna be lunch.
- We've got a problem.
- I know.
My son.
Exactly.
Wait.
A surprise party at the Jade Palace? It's gonna be a surprise, all right, for my dad and Po.
They're gonna see.
They're gonna see that no one is Bian Zao's boss.
Clearly, he takes after your side of the family.
Bian Zao, I forbid you to hang out with these lowlifes.
- Don't tell me what I - He doesn't take orders from you or anyone else.
Now, take him out.
Forbid this.
Now! Whoa.
Ow.
How are we supposed to fight these things - if we can't touch them? - Use a weapon.
Don't use a weapon.
Wah-tah! Happy birthday to me.
Bian Zao.
I know you didn't want your dad bossing you around, but isn't that better than Tong Fo bossing you around? I am not.
- You are too.
- Am not.
- Are too.
- Am not! - You are too.
- Am not.
Yes, you are! You know, it wounds me that you would suggest this.
Bian Zao knows that I'm his friend, not his boss.
Isn't that correct, buddy? I don't know.
Maybe Po's right.
No, he's not! He's wrong! Now take him out, do you hear me?! You take orders from me.
I own you! Didn't need that guy, anyway.
Hey, crocs.
You work for me now.
- Um - Sure thing.
Sounds good.
Now, I have my father's machines, an army of crocs, and mystical lightning powers.
If I can't wipe out the Jade Palace with all this, I'm just not trying.
Son The water.
Bian Zao, you can't do this.
Don't tell me what I can't do.
So much hurt.
Son, you have to give up this nonsense.
Nonsense? I learned it by watching you, Dad.
I'm proving machines are superior to kung fu.
Look! Ooh.
Ow.
I'm doing exactly what you've been trying to do for years.
Why would you have a problem with that? Because you're doing it without me.
Look, I don't care about Tong Fo.
The truth is I miss you.
I don't feel like doing anything.
I don't even want to fight Po.
It's just no fun without you.
I miss you too, Dad.
Without you around, I don't know who to call "lame.
" Whoo! Yeah! # Check out the birthday boy # Although there are some excellent candidates.
Son, if I promise not to try to control you, do you think maybe you and I could beat Po senseless together? Sure thing, Dad.
It's just so great to see the two of you reunited.
- Let's get him! - And now, not so great.
Sorry, bud.
Commandeering the vehicle.
You know, this has been a really emotional day, so maybe we should just all chill out a little before we do anything we might regret? Whoa, oh! Look at him jump.
Water! I'm real happy that you guys have worked things out.
It just makes it harder to do this! - To do what? - Give it a minute.
- Seriously, what? - It just I mean didn't time that very well.
Aw, dang.
Lame.
Let's take him out, Dad.
You said it, son.
Wha? Well, guys, I just thought of another father-son activity for you two.
Ow.
I believe he was going to say "prison.
" - Yeah.
- I think so.
That sounds about right.
Well, at least, I'll get a little time to myself in here.
Aw.
Bian Zao.
Hey! It's Gah-Ri's birthday.
Bian Zao, you and I got something to discuss, chum.
You lay one finger on my son, and I will devote my life to making you regret it.
Understood? Understood.
- Thanks, Dad.
- You're welcome, son.
Now, how about a nice game of checkers? - Lame.
- Yes, it is, son.
Yes, it is.