Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e19 Episode Script

- Dad, the picture's level enough.
- Don't be too sure.
Karim has a perfect sense of level.
It's eerie.
I think you have an inferiority complex about the Jaffers.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Does it show? - You hide it well.
I got it.
- Oh my gosh, they're here! - Quick, hide! It's not a surprise party.
Karim and Noora, welcome to our home.
Sarah, were you ever planning on ageing? You haven't changed a bit! And Rayyan, neither have you! Really? The last time I saw you it was like nine years old.
But you were a tall nine.
- Yasir, I insist you show us around.
- Yes, please, come into my palace.
- Is that picture level? - Oh! Hahah! Ah, Rayyan! - You truly have grown up beautifully.
- Oh, thank you.
I can see why my JJ would want to uproot his entire life for you.
Season 3 Episode 19 Meet the Jaffers - Booyah! - Booyah on you too.
- You play like a baby.
- A very, very big intelligent baby.
Guys! Guys! Guys! What have I told you about using my office as a lounge? We're having a board meeting.
Really? Because it looks like you're playing dominoes.
To the untrained eye, yes.
Can you please take it somewhere else for once? Because I have a sermon to work on for Rayyan's wedding.
- You prefer we use the prayer hall? - No, of course not.
Then your office it is! You know how the saying goes when faced with two imperfect options, the lesser will always be sacrificed for the greater.
Nice one.
Booyah! Isn't there some saying about littering my office with - Ringolos? - Strangely no.
- Reload! - Okay, this party is over.
C'mon, let's clean up every bit, let's go.
We will take a vote from the board.
All in favour of adjourning.
- Aye.
- Opposed? - Nay.
- Nay.
The board has spoken.
I'm sorry Amaar, but our hands are tied.
Well, I've got all I need.
I can already see the headline.
"Couple Gets Married".
- I can't believe you're doing a story on us.
- Neither can I.
- This has three-parter written all over it.
- Slow news year? Are you kidding? This is the social event of the season.
- This is ridiculous.
- I know.
Nothing is bigger than the curling finals.
I mean it is ridiculous to make so much fuss over something that may not even last.
- Do you think your mom resents me? - My mom has no reason to resent you.
I mean, it's true her only son is moving to another hemisphere.
And now she's at a wedding she had no hand in planning.
And in a way it's all because of you.
Maybe you just need to get to know each other.
What about a bridal shower? It's the perfect place for you and Noora to bond.
- Mom, that is a great idea.
- Alright.
- That would be cute.
- It'd be so much fun! - All right, this is gonna be fun! - Bridal showers are girls only.
Yeah, I knew that.
I'm really glad you're here! I can't wait to get up to no good, just like in the old days.
But first, we must talk business.
Another project in Dubai? I have the perfect man for the job.
- Aha, still doing the wink.
- I can stop if you want.
- Nonsense! Always be your own man.
- Whatever you say.
The business we have to discuss is the mahr.
The mahr? What's to discuss? JJ presents Rayyan with a gift before the wedding.
- Exactly.
Name your price! - What? The gift will be money, the amount will be up to you.
Don't the bride and groom traditionally work this out? Come, everyone knows it is really the parents who handle these things.
Why? Does that make you uncomfortable? No, what is a potentially massive amount of money between friends? So.
How much? Amaar! - Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
- And this must be - Karim, yes.
This is Amaar, our illustrious imam.
I have a fantastic idea.
Why don't you show Karim around the mosque? Great! - Are you not coming? - No, no, no, no.
But it's very exciting, I can assure you.
And with Amaar as your guide, you'll get the Universal Studios of mosque tours.
Well, don't get your hopes up.
The mechanical shark isn't working today.
Those are more trouble than they're worth.
Trust me, I know.
Ahem, this is my office - There you are, Mrs Ja - Ah-ah.
Auntie.
- Auntie Noora - Noo-Noo.
Auntie Noo-Noo? Where's your husband? Karim wanted to see where his son is getting married.
- What about you? - Meh.
Okay.
Well, I was thinking before the wedding we should have a bridal shower.
- That sounds nice.
- Great! For you.
A whole second set of gifts.
All for you.
For your "special" day.
- Well, what did you do before your wedding? - We had a henna party.
Very modest.
Then that's what I'll do.
Henna party.
Modest.
Dignified.
No gifts.
- Sound good? - Whatever makes you happy.
And this is the prayer hall.
So many mosques waste money on lavish frills and basic amenities, - but you have managed to avoid all that.
- I don't know what to say.
Just accept the compliment.
Don't worry, you'll have everything you'll need for your son's wedding.
- Space, adequate parking - Mouse! Mouse! Did you see how he came right for us? - Like a lion stalking a gazelle.
- We are talking about mice, right? - Mice? There's more than one? - You're not afraid of mice, are you? What? Don't be ridiculous! Why should I fear their sudden movements, their cold, dead eyes and long, sharp teeth? - You are afraid.
- No! I I just refuse to have my son's wedding in a place of filth! Yes, and I promise that the mice will be dealt with before the wedding.
- That would be acceptable.
- Are you coming down now? Karim will come down when Karim is ready to come down.
Okay then.
I'm telling you, this mahr, it smells like trouble.
Really? I smell ringolos.
Yasir, if you're worried that this mahr subject might cause a strain on your friendship, I gotta tell ya it's a very reasonable fear.
I thought you were going somewhere more positive there.
The mahr has been known to cause lasting feuds.
- Surely there must be some formula.
- No formula.
- Guidelines? - No guidelines.
- Parameters? - Those are guidelines.
Look, it's very easy, all you have to do is be careful.
Ask for too much and they'll think you're opportunistic.
Fine, we'll ask for very little.
Ask for too little and they'll be insulted.
Okay.
So when you say it's easy what you mean is I have to walk some dangerous cultural tightrope.
Yeah.
Yes, you do.
Excuse me, I have to talk to Baber.
What if I do some recon and find out how much they spend on things like cars and vacations every year? It'll give us an idea of what to ask for.
I like it.
But, please, be very, very careful broaching that subject.
Oh, trust me, I can be very subtle when I want to.
Speaking of calligraphy, Noora, how much do you spend on things - like cars and vacations every year? - Mom! Auntie Noo-Noo, you don't have to answer that.
What? I don't think there's anything wrong with finding out how many cars are in your driveway.
No, I don't mind.
Depends on which driveway.
How many do you have? One in Dubai.
One in Monaco.
One in Singapore.
- Oh and one in Manhattan.
- You have a driveway in Manhattan? Hmm, funny, that's what Trump said.
Ow, cramping up here.
Who knew this would take so long to dry? - Isn't that painful, dear? - Yes.
Consider it a dress rehearsal for marriage.
- Pardon? - Nothing.
- I think I'm going to go.
- Already? - Noora, I - Okay.
I can't take this anymore.
If she's against me marrying JJ, I'm going to find out why.
- I wouldn't move for another three hours.
- Now, that's a momentum killer.
- Okay, that's quite a number.
- I know.
- Well, maybe it's too high! - Driveway in Manhattan?! What if it's low? It looks low.
I followed the formula very carefully.
The land value less the building amortization, divided by 60%.
Did you just make that up now? Why follow a made-up formula? - Takes the emotion out of it.
- Ohhhhhh! - Okay, the mice have got to be gone by tomorrow.
- Why is this my fault? - Do I look like some type of Peter Piper? - The guy who picked the peck of pickled peppers? - No.
The other one.
- Peter pumpkin eater? No, the one with the mice! - The "Pied Piper".
- No, that's not it.
Okay.
Baber, you are the one who leaves the food around.
I always take precautionary measures.
See? This clip is designed to lock in flavour.
Looks like some of the flavour got out.
- So you'll have the mice gone by tomorrow? - Yes.
I will clean that up also.
Sorry, good-bye.
- Ahem! - And that too.
My son is getting married! Cheeseburgers for all! - I can't tell if he's joking.
- Thank you! - Tough read.
- You're telling me.
- Now, Yasir.
Let's get to the heart of the mahr.
- The "heart of the mahr"? - A little wordplay to lighten the mood.
- Oh, haha! - Now let's be serious! - Yes.
I've written the number on this piece of paper.
- I hope it's to your liking.
- I'm sure it will be.
- Is this a joke? - Do you want it to be? Very funny, my old friend.
But time is wasting.
Please get back to me with the real amount just as soon as you can.
- Sarah! - Hi.
- So how did it go? - He asked if it was joke and then he left.
So was it too high or too low? I don't know! - Mrs Jaffer - Auntie.
Auntie Noo-Noo.
I know.
Is there something wrong? Because it seems like ever since you got here, - you've been pushing me away.
- No, you're perfect.
I just don't believe marriage is right for my JJ.
So, it's not good enough for JJ, but it's good enough for you? - Karim and I are getting a divorce.
- Why?! I don't like him, he doesn't like me.
I forget the legal term.
- Oh! I'm so sorry! - But please don't tell anyone, especially JJ! - Mom! - Okay, but I tell JJ everything.
- That's what marriages are about.
- That's what depositions are about.
Oh, I can't let him see me like this.
Promise you won't say anything until after the wedding.
- It would crush him.
- Okay, I promise.
But I Oh, overcome with joy, got to go! - Aren't my parents great? - Yes.
So great! - I only hope we can be as happy as they are.
- Yes so happy.
You must be Jake the exterminator.
That's what the jacket says.
Aw, nuts, forgot the jacket.
Anyway, I've been known to exterminate from time to time, yeah.
Are you sure you can help us? Mister, I've offed more vermin than you can imagine.
Yankee sewer rats, Mexican fire weasels, Arctic termites.
I am finding it very hard to imagine any of these animals.
- What you got for me? - We seem to have a mouse.
Heh.
Where there's one, there's a thousand.
Well, the one is right through there.
- Evacuate the building.
- Oke dokey.
All right, let's dance.
Just to clarify, - the dollar figure we came up with was - Problematic.
Problematic, of course.
How so? Because if anybody found out I'd be a laughingstock.
I see, yes.
Sort of.
At first I thought maybe the decimal was in the wrong place.
- I'm sorry, so the number was too.
.
? - Inappropriate! - And I should come up with a number that's more - Appropriate! - Are you okay today? You seem distracted.
- Hmm? Sorry, I'm just a little distracted today.
Yeah, like that.
What are you thinking about? Divorce.
About a friend who's thinking about divorce.
- Which friend? - Noor Norma Carmichael.
- She's a Muslim.
- Doesn't sound Muslim.
Indonesia's the most populous Muslim country in the world.
- She's Indonesian? - No.
I see.
Well, in theory, - in Islam, divorce can be quite simple.
- Well, that's a plus.
But in reality it's a heart-wrenching three months of emotional torture.
- Oh.
- Are you alright? - Yeah, I'm just worried about Noreen.
- Norma? - Yes I gotta go.
- The door's always open.
- She seems chock full of pre-wedding jitters.
- It's divorce jitters, actually.
- She said she was worried about a "friend".
- She didn't use that old line, did she? Whenever anyone needs advice for a "friend", it's always about themselves.
That's what I'm afraid of.
- What was "friend's" name? - Norma Carmichael.
When the fake name is that terrible, it's usually a cry for help.
- Karim.
- Yasir.
Wow! What are you listening to? I found a radio station that claims never to play the same song twice between nine and five.
We'll see.
We'll see.
Well, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm glad I ran into you because I've been thinking about the mahr.
And I've come up with another number.
Are you serious? This number is even higher than the first one! Karim, you're going to laugh, but I didn't know if the first number was too high or too low.
I would never let this sort of thing put a strain on our friendship.
- Oh, I agree! - But this is putting a strain on our friendship.
Sarah and I will come up with a number that is more reasonable.
- Good.
Does it look like I'm made of money? - No.
- By the way, where did you rent a Rolls? - Yasir, you can't rent a Rolls.
I had it flown in.
- With the driver? - No, no, he's a rental.
Rayyan, wait.
We need to talk.
If you're having second thoughts about JJ, - you've got to deal with it now.
- Who said I'm having second thoughts about JJ? - Second thoughts about JJ? - Oh no! Because if you are, I want in on this conversation.
It's the kind of thing that could affect me adversely.
No, JJ relax, I was just talking about my friend.
- Norma Carmichael.
- Okay, that's the fakest name I've ever heard.
- I know, right? - Rayyan, is there something you're not telling me? I was asking Amaar something about divorce, and that's all I can say.
Okay, if I was talking to my imam about divorce, and I told you that I couldn't tell you why, - how would you react? - Your parents are getting divorced.
What are you talking about? They're so happy.
That's crazy.
Well, sometimes couples aren't as happy as they seem.
Oh my God, I gotta go talk to them.
Wait, JJ, I promised your mother I wouldn't tell you.
Wow You really let that one out of the bag.
This is getting ridiculous.
We shouldn't have to make another offer.
- Dear, it's only money.
- I'm not talking about the money.
I'm talking about you and your fear of disappointing the mighty Karim.
- I do have a great deal of respect for him.
- Please, you have a man-crush on him.
- Darling? - You follow him around like a puppy.
That is simply not true.
Karim and I are friends and equals engaged in a level-headed negotiation.
Now help me come up with a number that won't make him mad at me.
After all, we wouldn't want to upset the mighty Karim.
- Precisely.
- And maintaining your friendship with him is way more important than your dignity or self-respect.
- Uh yes.
- You guys have a really good thing going.
- He says jump, and you say how high.
- I suppose sometimes jumping might be required.
Amaar, wonderful news.
The horrid mice have been vanquished! - That is good news.
- Wasn't pretty.
- But then, it never is - All right.
Well, thanks for your help.
Not so fast, cowboy.
The poison needs a few days to dissipate.
But we're holding a wedding here tomorrow.
Unless you know of a bridal store that sells gas masks, I wouldn't recommend it.
- Baber, what were you thinking!? - It was the only way to get rid of all the mice! Yeah, about that.
You know when they say if there's one there's a thousand? - I have heard you say that, yes.
- Well this time there was just the one.
- You didn't kill him? - Not this one.
He's a maverick, a wild card.
Not unlike myself.
Yes, yes, that is very nice.
You have your cheque, bye bye.
Perhaps his bridal mask idea has merit.
Or perhaps not.
- Fifty cents off rice-a-roni? - No, the other side.
What!? But this was the first amount you asked for.
And it's still too high! Come back and try again.
- No.
- Excuse me? Karim, listen, I have something to say and I need you to listen.
- Yasir sit.
- Okay.
No! Wait! This is not about money.
It's about how you make me jump through hoops and spin my wheels and how I let you.
Wait, wait.
So now you are spinning wheels or jumping hoops? It doesn't matter.
What matters is that it's over.
This is my offer.
I'm done playing games with you.
I knew this moment would come.
A man can take only so much bravado.
And, after 30 years - You're fed up with me.
- No, Karim.
Look, Yasir, I know I can be bold and swaggering sometimes, trying too hard to impress you.
But it's only because Because I look up to you so much.
- You look up to me? - Of course.
Look, You have perfect life in a perfect town, wonderful partnership with your wife.
You have a wonderful partnership with Noora.
And that quick wit that everyone loves! Yasir, Yasir, Yasir, I know we're about to become brothers, but please tell me we're still friends.
We always will be.
I will give you the amount you ask for.
- You have it on you? - No, of course not.
I have to call the office to tell them to raid the petty cash.
- Cheeseburgers for everyone! - You're lucky, it's the 3 pm lull.
- then I can have the townhouse in Manhattan! - I don't think so You guys are getting a divorce? - You told JJ? - You told Rayyan? I thought we had an understanding! I thought we had an understanding when we got married.
Thank you for taking over both sides of our conversation.
Now I can just sit back and enjoy the ride! - Why couldn't you just tell me? - Because we don't want you to know before your wedding.
- That's not the point, dad.
- Why did you tell him? - Mom, don't yell at Rayyan! - What's going on? You should know, it's your fault! You found out already? Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't know the mosque was going to be fumigated, but we'll find another place to hold the wedding, don't worry.
- What?! - What?! Halfway around the world for no mosque! Don't worry about the mosque, dad.
I'd really appreciate if you'd - Hey! - So who's ready for a wedding?! It's not the way I want to find out! Mom, why are you yelling at Rayyan? - Don't yell - Maybe we should go outside I'll handle it Subtitle by: kiasuseven