The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s03e19 Episode Script

Master Carlton, I have to take this tray up to your mother so on your way out would you mind taking out the garbage? Do I look like Roc? I don't know, Carlton, maybe if you shaved your head bald and sanded down the square part.
Ashley, you take out the garbage.
- Why me? - Because I'm bigger than you.
See, that's not fair.
That's only 'cause you got them shoe lifts in today.
They're not lifts.
I doubled up on my Odor-Eaters.
- Here, Hilary, you take it out.
- Out where? To the trash cans.
You know, those things you hit every time you back out the car.
Thank God.
I thought it was the neighbor's kids.
This is gross.
I don't touch greasy, disgusting things.
Well, just pretend it's buying you dinner afterwards.
- You take it.
- Yo, girl! And for your information, dinner comes first.
Oh, it's like that, right? You're just gonna slam garbage at me.
Good morning, Will.
Good morning, Uncle Phil.
Here's your lunch.
Thank you.
Good morning, Geoffrey.
Isn't it a glorious day? Actually, sir, I have an impacted wisdom tooth my hair is falling out, and I have a bunion the size of my fist.
Oh, no.
We're out of Mrs.
Butterworth's.
Thanks for the talk, big guy.
- Good morning, Uncle Phil.
- Good morning, Will.
- What up, G? This mine? - Morning, Master William.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
Oh, man.
Hey, Will, why don't you sit down and eat? Sorry but, Uncle Phil, I ain't got no time.
Oh, man.
Hey, look, any chance of you letting me balance this book on your head? Hey, you know I was gonna put the waffles up there but that's just a little too close to your mouth, you know what I mean? Will, sit down.
You're giving me motion sickness.
Sorry about that, Uncle Phil.
Man, it's like there's so much to do.
I mean, between my school work and Cindy and, you know, my job and Cindy and, you know, basketball and Cindy Wow, you think I'm neglecting Cindy? Maybe you should take a little time off from work.
You're gonna wear yourself out.
Thank you, sir.
It's nice to know that all my labors haven't gone unnoticed.
I was talking to Will.
And I, apparently, was talking to myself.
Will, how about it? You sure there's nobody who can cover for you at the restaurant? No, I wish there was, Uncle Phil.
I've got to make some extra money for the prom.
I mean, 'cause I wouldn't feel like a gentleman if I made Cindy pay for my half, too.
- Look at my face! - Please, man, we eating.
Will.
This is serious.
The prom's only three days away, and I got a pimple.
Carlton, we're eating.
I need some vitamin E.
I should have seen it coming.
It never fails.
Every time I have a big date I get a big pimple.
Well, judging by the size of that thing, you must be going out with Nell Carter.
Hi, Will.
Cindy.
Cindy.
Cindy.
Girl, anybody ever told you that you got the Thanks, I'll try not to let it go to my head.
Look, sorry, baby.
All this running around is kind of catching up to me.
Well, you make sure you save some energy for the prom.
Don't you even worry about me, girl.
I'm gonna be all right.
I'm planning on staying up all night, you know 'cause "all I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom.
" What up, J? Hey, Will.
You wanna carpool to work again after practice? Yeah, that's cool, man.
You know, we're counting on you for the big game this weekend.
Hey, man, don't you even worry about me.
I'm gonna be there.
"Smith dribbles.
He stops.
He pops.
He scores.
The crowd goes wild!" - Man, I'm beat.
- You could do what I do.
No, that's all right.
I don't think listening to Bruce Springsteen got the same effect on black people.
My breath ain't stinking, so I'm guessing them ain't Tic Tacs.
These will help you stay awake.
You've done speed before, right? No, I didn't, and I didn't think you was living like that, either.
I'm into whatever gets the job done.
To me, it's just freeze-dried coffee, just in case.
Just in case.
Hey, guys.
Later, Will.
Big date this weekend? I just want to thank Bill and Hillary Clinton for inviting me to the inauguration.
- Will, wake up.
- Yo, man, go away.
Will, this is the senior prom also known as "guaranteed action night.
" Rack 'em up.
Here you are, Master William, maybe this'll help.
It's an old remedy passed down in my family from generation to generation.
- G, it's coffee.
- No, it's Folgers Crystals.
Will, pardon my tough love but this burning the candle at both ends is dumb, dumb, dumb.
I know, Carlton.
I just wish there was something else I could do.
It's like there ain't enough hours in the day.
Carlton, did you ever think about taking you know, drugs? Will, you don't have to beat around the bush.
- I know exactly what you're getting at.
- You do? You see the volcano-sized pimple about to erupt on my forehead and you don't think vitamin E is strong enough.
No, man.
I mean, well, yeah, but I mean, the kind of drugs that help you stay up.
Up? You don't mean This sex thing is even more complicated than I thought.
You know what? Never mind, man.
You know, Will, if it turns out tonight is the big night I'm just glad I'll be sharing it with someone who cares about me so deeply.
Yo, man, I'm just sharing a limo with you.
I'm talking about my date.
She worships the ground I walk on.
No, man, she's just looking for loose change.
Miss Cindy and Miss Vanessa.
Wow.
- You look great.
- Thank you, Carlton, so do you.
Somebody call a cop, 'cause it got to be illegal to look that good.
Oh, Will.
You look pretty terrific yourself.
Girl, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
You kids look great.
Come on, let me get a picture.
- Mom! - I know I'm treating you like a baby.
No, shoot me from the other side.
I've got a situation on my forehead.
Okay, smile.
Now, I know this is prom night, but I still think we should set a curfew.
Come on, Uncle Phil, don't you even worry about it.
Come on, we'll be home early.
Early tomorrow morning.
Hey, stop.
Come on, one more picture.
Hey, yo, I'm telling you, this is gonna be the most exciting night of our lives.
Will.
Will.
Will, wake up.
Vanessa keeps staring at my pimples.
What should I do? Stare at hers.
Come on, Will, you gotta help me.
This could be the biggest night of my life.
Yeah, to go along with the biggest zit of your life.
The least you can do is give me some vitamin E.
Carlton, vitamin E is not going to help, man.
A sandblaster is not going to help, man.
Come on, Will, don't hold out on me.
You have any or not? Look, I don't know.
Look, check my locker, man.
Look, and if there ain't nothing in there you can just pull your big ol' bottom lip up over your head.
Will.
Will.
Hey, girl, what's up? You've been sleeping all night.
When are you gonna ask me to dance? No, baby, we gonna get down.
I'm just waiting for the DJ to throw on something I like.
How about "I'm going home"? Now that's the jam.
Tell me when he puts that on.
Go, Carlton.
Go, Carlton.
Go, Carlton.
Oh, Carlton, you were something else.
Carlton, you were somebody else.
Man, you all right? I feel great.
Even though I was feeling insecure before, I realized it doesn't matter, anyway 'cause beauty's only skin deep.
It's what's inside that counts.
Vanessa, you drive me wild.
I hope this night never ends.
Is it just me or are my lips moving really, really fast? Wanna dance? Come on.
Your cousin's pretty wild.
I guess he's got that kind of natural speed thing going.
Yeah, you can say that again.
Want me to hook you up with some more of those pills? I'll get you a good price.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Carlton.
Carlton.
Carlton, listen.
Something terrible has happened, man.
- Come on, I gotta get you to the hospital.
- Why? - This is the greatest night of my - Carlton.
Carlton.
Yo, Carlton, man.
God, if you let Carlton be okay I swear I'll never make fun of him again.
I'll go to Church every Sunday.
I'll even give up women.
Will, was that you? You know I was just kidding about that woman part, right? Where am I? Last thing I remember, I was doing the running man to / Wi// A/ways Love You.
Carlton, you're at a hospital.
I feel terrible.
I never thought losing my virginity would be this painful.
Carlton, I got some bad news.
- Oh, God, I malfunctioned.
- No.
See, you never made it past the dance floor.
Those pills that you took weren't vitamins.
What were they? Look, you gotta promise you're not gonna overreact.
What could be worse than finding out I'm still a virgin? It was speed.
Oh, my God.
I'm a drug addict and a virgin! Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Now be quiet.
Comfy? Well, Mr.
Banks, you gave us quite a scare.
- How you feeling now? - Terrible.
I wanna go home.
Your parents are on the way but we will have to keep you here in the Chemical Dependency Unit overnight.
Excuse me? I'm sorry, but that's standard procedure with all our substance-abuse patients.
Excuse me, Miss Irene, that's such a pretty name.
Listen I don't think you understand.
See, Carlton is not addicted to drugs.
I mean, Carlton hates drugs.
We still have to mix his aspirin in with applesauce.
Well, that may be but that certainly wasn't applesauce we pumped out of his stomach.
Can't we at least move me to another part of the hospital? I've got a reputation to worry about.
What if I want to run for a political office? Well, now, I'll tell you the same thing I told the last person that asked me that question: Just say you didn't inhale.
Listen, somehow we're missing each other.
I mean, does he look like a drug addict? - Do I? - Can we stick to the subject, please? Listen, sweetie, the first time I came into this hospital it was on a stretcher.
Hell, I've been from y ale to jail, and from Park Avenue to park bench but now I'm clean and sober.
That's really touching but do you think you can get me a nurse without a record? I like him.
Try and help him to stick around.
- Honey, are you okay? - I think so.
Oh, thank God.
Now, what the hell are you doing with 2,000 milligrams of amphetamines in your stomach? It was an accident.
I thought they were vitamin E tablets.
I got them from one of the other kids' lockers at school.
Carlton, you cannot take unidentified pills.
It's just plain stupid.
- Lf Will hadn't gotten you to the hospital - Hey, look, Uncle Phil I'm gonna go let Ashley and Hilary and Geoffrey know that he's all right.
No, Will, I just want to thank you.
You showed quick thinking and sound judgment.
- Carlton, you could learn from Will.
- Uncle Phil, please.
No, now it's not often that I get a chance to compliment you.
As a matter of fact, I think this is the one and only time.
Anyway, look, I just want you to know how grateful your aunt and I are.
You know, if it weren't for you, Will I don't know where Carlton would be right now.
Carlton, honey, don't you have something to say to Will? Like what? Like, "I'm sorry for ruining your prom," and, "thank you for saving my life"? No, that's all right.
No, really.
Bye.
I'm sorry, folks, but this patient of ours has to get his rest.
We're not gonna leave our baby alone.
We're gonna be spending the night.
We are? I mean, we are, yes.
Could you get us some clean linen for that bed? Honey, I don't think we can both fit in that bed.
Right, and a chair for my wife.
- Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
- Me, too.
- Welcome home, Master Carlton.
- Thanks, I feel a lot better.
Yeah, thanks to Will.
He really saved the day.
Well, I'm gonna go take a nap.
I didn't get much sleep last night with all that kicking.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Hey, look.
Y'all mind if I talk to Carlton for a second? Carlton, I'm sorry you had such a rough night.
Hey, but at least your face cleared up.
Almost.
Thanks a lot for covering for me, man.
But why did you do it? I don't know.
I think I was still high.
Will, how long have you been taking drugs? Come on, man, I ain't taking no drugs.
All right, look, I thought about it, but Look, you wouldn't understand, man.
Will, you're not the only one who's ever thought about taking drugs.
- You're kidding.
- Hey, I've got a wild side.
I don't always wear shower shoes at the gym.
I can't even believe you thought about it.
Yeah, but after last night, I'll never think about it again.
Yeah, and when Uncle Phil finds out you'll never see me again.
Look, Will he's not gonna find out.
Let's just put this all behind us.
Hey, Carlton, look, I'm sorry, man.
I mean, you're my homey, and I almost took you out.
I love you, man.
I never meant to hurt you.
I know.
I'm sorry, man.
- Will? - Yo? You haven't showered yet today, have you? - Hey, Uncle Phil.
- Hey, Will, how's my favorite nephew? - You talking to me? - You know, I have something for you.
I was gonna save it for graduation but after what you did, I think I'll give it to you now.
- Yo, season tickets to the Clippers.
- That's right, courtside.
I can't take this, Uncle Phil.
- There's something I need to tell you.
- What is it? Those pills that Carlton took they were from my locker.
What? Look, Uncle Phil, I was just keeping them in case I needed them.
How could you be so stupid? You know you shouldn't be messing with drugs.
I know, Uncle Phil.
Somebody gave them to me at school.
I mean, I didn't mean for Carlton to take them.
I didn't even know if I was going to take them.
- I'm sorry, Uncle Phil.
- Sorry? My son could have died because of you.
Look, I know, Uncle Phil, that's all I've been thinking about.
I mean, you gotta believe me.
I didn't mean to hurt him.
Yeah, well, you did.
You hurt him, and you could have hurt yourself.
I know, Uncle Phil, I mean But, look, I had basketball practice, and school, and I had work and everything.
Welcome to the real world, Will.
That's not an excuse.
There's never an excuse.
You owe this family an apology.
Vivian! Kids! - What's going on? - Will has something to tell you.
- Come on, Uncle Phil, don't make me - Go ahead, Will.
The pills that Carlton took, they were from my locker.
- What? - I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.
I mean, I had basketball practice, and I had finals, and everything and one of the guys at school just offered me some stuff to help me stay awake.
And then Carlton Look, all I know is that somebody real close to me that I love a whole lot could be dead right now and it would be all my fault.
I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
Come here.
- I'm sorry I did it.
- It's okay.
Come on.
Somebody call a cop 'cause it has got to be Somebody call a cop 'cause this has y ou'll get it.
We/come to the Wi// Fresh Prince Ever Say His Line contest.