What I Like About You (2002) s03e19 Episode Script
Bad to the Scone
[ guitar strumming .]
Sometimes the rain in your heart Never goes away Oh, my God, that was the saddest song I've ever heard.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go home and watch "Schindler's List" just to cheer up.
Oh, my God, poor Ben.
He's heartbroken.
What have I done to that sweet, sweet man? [ Gary .]
: What's up, man? Hey, guys.
So, what did you think of the new song? I call it "Love is impossible and cruel, just kill me.
" Oh, my God, Ben, I am so sorry.
I mean, I can hear the pain in your heart.
I would give anything if you could just get over me.
Yeah, me too, but Ava is just so -- I know -- Ava? Ava? Who's Ava? That's the singer your firm just signed.
She's sitting over at the bar.
Don't look.
Well, so did you ask her out yet? God.
No.
She's way out of my league.
Oh, I'm sure you think she is.
Just like you thought other girls you dated were out of your league.
No.
Come on, not one? No.
Okay, so you're telling me out of all the girls you've ever dated -- The boy said no.
I want to ask Ava out, but since a certain someone stomped all over my heart, my confidence is at an all-time low.
Oh, what a great title for my next song.
You know what? Say no more.
I am going to make this up to you right now.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, what is she doing? She's talking, she's fake-laughing She's bringing her over here you're screwed.
Ben, oh, my God, look at that.
I just saw Ava at the bar.
Ben, Ava.
Ava, Ben.
Hi, I'm Gary.
Shut up.
[ whispers .]
What are you doing? Helping you.
So, Ava, sit.
Ben, why don't you tell Ava how you're from England? And how you put kidneys in your pies.
[ dance music playing .]
So, um, listen, Ava, II heard you perform at the Limelight last week.
Cool.
Splendid.
[ thinking .]
"Splendid"? Oh, Ben, you might as well ask her out for a mini pedi.
[ thinking .]
Her boobs are splendid.
[ thinking .]
I want another onion ring, but I just started my diet.
So, listen, Ava, I was wondering if perhaps you would like to sometime, uh, get a meal together.
I mean, we both have to eat.
It could just be in the same building No.
Listen, you seem like a nice guy.
You're just not my type.
Of course.
I'm sorry to take up so much of your time.
[ thinking .]
Ben's gonna hate me.
[ thinking .]
God.
I hate Holly.
[ thinking .]
Screw it.
I'll start my diet tomorrow.
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you I can't believe we're gonna be on TV.
Are you wearing makeup? No.
Okay, Gary, you carry the cupcakes from the back and set them over here.
Ooh, is it all right if I make my entrance on the right? Because, you know, this is my best side.
We're actually only gonna be filming your hands, but, uh, knock yourself out.
My hands? That's all -- my hands? All right.
Okay, so what exactly happens? Does someone yell "action," or is there a big light that comes on? And go! [ drumming outside .]
Hi, I'm Rachel.
And I'm standing here in the hottest new bakery in New York -- Sugar Babies! [ drumming gets louder .]
Cut! I can't work with the tom-toms.
I know.
Sorry.
I thought you were gonna fix the tom-toms.
I'm sorry.
I spoke to the homeless gentleman outside and told him we're doing a piece for The Food Network, but he said he didn't care.
He doesn't have cable.
Well, this isn't gonna work for my sound guy.
Drew, let's wrap it up and get going.
No, no, please, please.
Um, look, let me just go talk to him, okay? I'm sure I can work something out.
You know, if you ever -- ever, ever, ever -- need a humorous sidekick, you know, I'm not that happy here.
Boy, am I glad this bakery opened.
Sugar Babies is the best bakery in all New York.
I flew in all the way from Chicago.
The interview was canceled.
So, how's Ben? Well, let's see -- he woke up on his ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's couch, crying about how his ex-girlfriend made a fool of him in front of his new potential girlfriend.
He's good.
I feel so guilty.
It's all my fault.
Please.
That girl was way out of his league.
Well, he's dated out of his league before.
The difference is, back then, he had confidence.
But I killed it, Gary.
I broke Ben.
Are you wearing blush? Hey, I was just trying to look pretty on television.
That's all.
So, the good news is, the food lady agreed to come back.
But unfortunately, your drums kinda can't be drumming or she won't mention my bakery on her show.
And then my business will never take off, and I could lose everything and end up on the street.
Not that that's a bad thing.
Mind if I ask what happened? No.
Same old story.
Oh, drugs, alcohol.
I was writing a novel.
Poor bastard.
What? A novel? That's amazing.
Well, actually, I haven't finished it yet.
Why not? I ran out of napkins.
I just got stuck.
It's hard to write without a room of one's own.
Virginia Woolf.
I love that book.
Me too.
Although I had to burn it for warmth.
Oh, that's not funny.
Sorry.
You know what? Um, we need another dishwasher.
Uh, maybe if you'd like the job, it'll help you get unstuck.
And we have a really big sink.
You could fit, like, a whole person in there.
It would be amazing to finally finish my novel.
Is that it? Wow.
You know, I'd love to read what you have so far.
Okay, it smells like a winner.
Hey, I got your message.
What's the big emergency? I finally figured out the perfect way to get Ben's confidence back.
You want me to sleep with him? Tina, we've talked about this.
When trying to solve problems, we use our words, not our lady parts.
- I always forget that.
- I know.
Okay, so I googled this Ava girl, and, man, that girl has a lot of web pages for somebody who's totally in the same league as me.
Anyway, she dates bad boys.
The first guy was arrested, and the other guy was in rehab.
[ thinking .]
I could really go for a cupcake.
Tina, you're not even listening to me.
I am.
Cupcake.
Ooh, bad boy.
Ava only dates bad boys? Exactly, so all we have to do is turn Ben into a bad boy, and then Ava will go out with him, and then Ben will get his confidence back.
I'd love to help you, but I don't know how to get a guy arrested now that I'm 18.
Oh, maybe we should just call Vince.
He's got that whole "bad boy" thing happening.
No, Tina, you know I can't call Vince.
He made it very clear that he doesn't want to see me unless I want to be his girlfriend.
That was weeks ago.
I'm sure he's over it by now.
No, Vince made it very clear that he doesn't want to see me.
I can't go there, Tina.
Okay, fine, maybe you're right.
Maybe it is better if you just stay away from him.
So what you're saying is, I should go to him.
No, I -- Shhwhat you're saying is, Ben is over me, and if he got over me so easily, that maybe Vince got over me, too.
No, no, actually, I was saying -- I know exactly what you're saying.
Since Vince is over me, it's totally okay that I go see him.
The whole "girlfriend or nothing" rule no longer applies.
No, Holly -- Yes, listen to what you're saying, Tina.
Not only can Vince and I be friends again, but I can help Ben, too.
Everyone wins! Hi.
I knew it! I knew if I waited, you'd come back to me! I knew it, I knew it! That's why you're here, Holly, isn't it? Isn't it? Um I'm sorry.
No.
Why do I always listen to Tina? Hey.
What the hell is wrong with you? You gave that hobo a job working in our bakery with clean people? His name is Jack.
And "hobo" is about as P.
C.
as "midget" or "oriental.
" Oh, we can't say "midget" anymore? Hey, what about lollipop kid? Lauren, I think you're being a little judgmental, okay? Jack is an educated man who happens to need a job.
He's a scholar.
He wrote a brilliant novel.
I was touched by this man.
He touched you?! Oh, my God, well, we have to sue! Although, what are we really gonna walk away with? You be nice.
Hey, Val, I'm sorry.
Look, my heart goes out to him, but I just do not feel safe working side by side with a vagrant.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, fresh from being snipped, clipped, and flea-dipped, I give you Jack, the homeless guy.
I could live in a box.
Okay, let's rehearse this.
Gary, bring in the cupcakes.
[ dance music playing .]
You know what? Maybe we should just have the cupcakes already on the table when we start.
Well, then I won't be in it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Gary.
You okay? Yeah, yeah.
I'm cool, I'm cool.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Why don't they want me to be a star? [ Val .]
: Hey Where have you two been? Oh, I'm sorry.
Jack and I went on a lunch date.
Yeah, we took the subway, and he taught me how to jump the turnstile.
What? She is good.
Oh, can't lie to you.
It wasn't my first time.
Okay, let's just, you know, um Back to work, I know.
So - You went out on a date with Jack, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Thought you couldn't stand him.
You said he was dirty and disgusting.
You ever hear of a pet name, Val? I love him now.
I cannot believe you would do this to me.
Do what to you? You knew I liked him.
No, you said you liked his novel, which, thank God, he did not talk about.
You don't even appreciate the real Jack.
He is a sensitive, artistic, intelligent soul.
Ooh, with a beautiful ass.
You disgust me.
Well, hey, if you liked him so much, why didn't you ask him out? Because I was gonna take it slow.
Hello? I've had a lot of rejection this year.
I thought maybe he would say no.
He's homeless.
He would've gone for the meal alone.
Okay, fine, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go ask him out on a date.
No, no, he's mine, and you've already had a relationship this year, okay? - Think of how long it's been for me.
- How long? I want to go out with a bum.
That's how long.
Well, I got stood up at the altar.
Oh, how long are you gonna keep singing that song, sister? Oh, you're gonna be the one who's singing at mine and Jack's wedding.
Great.
Now who's gonna do the segment? [ dance music playing .]
I can't believe that you gave me such bad advice.
Vince doesn't want to be my friend.
He totally shut me out, and you know what? - I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
- So why don't you -- I'm done.
It's over, okay? I'm totally letting Vince go.
Yeah, I can see that.
And who needs him, anyway? Ben is gonna look like a total badass without Vince's help.
- So why are you so mad? Because I went over there and I didn't think I was gonna feel anything, but I felt something, okay? So can we please drop it? Ben, get out here! Look at you! You totally look like a badass.
Ben, why are you giggling? You're supposed to look tough.
I can't help it.
The leather's tickling my willy.
Oh, my God.
He came.
Gary told me about the extreme makeover they gave you, so I just came by to see for myself.
I'm so glad I did.
What are you wearing? Okay, so that's why you came all the way down here -- just to make fun of us? Actually, just you.
Well, I'm sorry, but I only let my friends make fun of me, and you made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be my friend, so you know what? Ben, don't listen to him.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
What's wrong with him, anyway? He is totally bono.
He looks like a piñata in a gay bar.
You told me that all cool Americans dress like this.
Dude, it's not about the look.
Though that one's really bad.
It's all about the attitude.
Right Right.
I know that.
Help me.
I don't think they know what they're doing.
First of all, you're acting all desperate -- not good.
You gotta seem totally unavailable to her, yet still give her hope that she has a shot.
Oh, my God, that's so dumb.
What are you doing? - Nothing.
Why, am I making you nervous? - Uh, you wish.
You want her to see you.
Then you got to look at her as if she's the only one who can tame you.
And then ignore her.
It drives them crazy.
You know what? That is so dumb.
Excuse me, am I talking to you? And when you know she's into you, check out another girl right in front of her.
Hey, how are you? Okay, you know what? You are so immature.
And that girl was totally looking at me.
And you know you're in when she starts acting all jealous.
Okay, you know what, Ben? He's stupid.
Please don't listen to him.
Then when she least expects it And that's how you do it, Fonzie.
Yes, I think I'm gonna go with Vince's way because this leather is really starting to chafe.
Well, I finished cleaning all the mixers.
Oh, great.
Um, listen, Jack, um I was thinking, maybe, uh, you and I could go to dinner.
And then take a moonlit stroll by the river.
You know, like in your novel, except without being attacked by the bum gangs.
Val, I appreciate the offer.
I'm sorry, but I can't.
In your face! I thought you were in the alley emptying the garbage.
Yes, I was, and, oh, by the way, some guy named Lenny wearing a nightgown says hi.
Thanks.
Val, I'm sorry.
No, Jack, it's okay.
If you want to go out with Lauren, that's fine with me.
I can't do that, either.
Ha! Ha ha ha! What? I mean, what about the turnstile? Guys, I'm -- I'm going back to my wife.
- Wife? - Wife? Yeah.
Because of what you did for me, she took me back.
Wait, you're married? Ha ha, that is unbelievable! Homeless woman gets married before me.
She's not homeless.
No, she left me when I hit rock bottom, but now you've put me back on the right path.
I've cleaned up.
I've got a great job and a future, and I owe it all to you.
Well, you and soap.
See ya later.
You know, we just have to remember we did a good thing here.
Oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah.
We got dumped.
Oh, God.
I can't believe we were fighting over a homeless guy.
It can't get much lower than that.
Hey, I wonder if Lenny is still wearing that nightgown.
Hey, Lenny! I cannot believe that Ben is actually going with Vince's stupid advice.
Well, it worked on you.
After he kissed you, your eyes rolled back in your head like a slot machine.
Well, I happen to have an eye problem.
Okay, should I try the stare on Gary just one more time? I wish you wouldn't.
Forget that, you're ready.
Now come on! Go! Okay.
Hoo hoo hoo! Nice look away.
I'm sorry, Holly.
I just want Ben to get lucky.
Great.
So you taught Ben how to be a player just like you? That's nice.
Let me let you in on a little secret.
You can't get played if you don't want to be.
That's insane.
Oh, it's true.
Like, this afternoon, you were dying for me to kiss you.
- Oh, my God, you are so - Irresistible? Come on, Holly, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't feel something.
I can't.
I have an eye problem.
You loved that kiss.
- I so did not.
- You so did.
I hated that kiss.
I wish you never kissed me.
I wish that I could wash it out of my brain.
So you can't stop thinking about it.
No.
I mean, yes.
I mean, why did you have to kiss me? Holly, look at me.
I was doing so great.
The whole hating you and the not seeing you -- I mean, it was all pretty much working for me.
Except for the missing you part.
Holly, why are you fighting so hard? - Why can't we just try this? - Because I still can't trust you.
I mean, I want to.
I really want to, but I'm afraid that if I let myself have feelings for you again Holly, do you trust me as a friend? Of course.
Great.
We'll start from there.
As friends.
You're willing to be my friend again? If that's the only way you'd trust me, then, yeah, we'll take it from there and see what happens.
So we're friends again? Like, we can still hang out go to movies have sleepovers? What? Well You got to let them think they've got a shot.
Then you ignore them.
It drives them crazy.
Sometimes the rain in your heart Never goes away Oh, my God, that was the saddest song I've ever heard.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go home and watch "Schindler's List" just to cheer up.
Oh, my God, poor Ben.
He's heartbroken.
What have I done to that sweet, sweet man? [ Gary .]
: What's up, man? Hey, guys.
So, what did you think of the new song? I call it "Love is impossible and cruel, just kill me.
" Oh, my God, Ben, I am so sorry.
I mean, I can hear the pain in your heart.
I would give anything if you could just get over me.
Yeah, me too, but Ava is just so -- I know -- Ava? Ava? Who's Ava? That's the singer your firm just signed.
She's sitting over at the bar.
Don't look.
Well, so did you ask her out yet? God.
No.
She's way out of my league.
Oh, I'm sure you think she is.
Just like you thought other girls you dated were out of your league.
No.
Come on, not one? No.
Okay, so you're telling me out of all the girls you've ever dated -- The boy said no.
I want to ask Ava out, but since a certain someone stomped all over my heart, my confidence is at an all-time low.
Oh, what a great title for my next song.
You know what? Say no more.
I am going to make this up to you right now.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, what is she doing? She's talking, she's fake-laughing She's bringing her over here you're screwed.
Ben, oh, my God, look at that.
I just saw Ava at the bar.
Ben, Ava.
Ava, Ben.
Hi, I'm Gary.
Shut up.
[ whispers .]
What are you doing? Helping you.
So, Ava, sit.
Ben, why don't you tell Ava how you're from England? And how you put kidneys in your pies.
[ dance music playing .]
So, um, listen, Ava, II heard you perform at the Limelight last week.
Cool.
Splendid.
[ thinking .]
"Splendid"? Oh, Ben, you might as well ask her out for a mini pedi.
[ thinking .]
Her boobs are splendid.
[ thinking .]
I want another onion ring, but I just started my diet.
So, listen, Ava, I was wondering if perhaps you would like to sometime, uh, get a meal together.
I mean, we both have to eat.
It could just be in the same building No.
Listen, you seem like a nice guy.
You're just not my type.
Of course.
I'm sorry to take up so much of your time.
[ thinking .]
Ben's gonna hate me.
[ thinking .]
God.
I hate Holly.
[ thinking .]
Screw it.
I'll start my diet tomorrow.
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you I can't believe we're gonna be on TV.
Are you wearing makeup? No.
Okay, Gary, you carry the cupcakes from the back and set them over here.
Ooh, is it all right if I make my entrance on the right? Because, you know, this is my best side.
We're actually only gonna be filming your hands, but, uh, knock yourself out.
My hands? That's all -- my hands? All right.
Okay, so what exactly happens? Does someone yell "action," or is there a big light that comes on? And go! [ drumming outside .]
Hi, I'm Rachel.
And I'm standing here in the hottest new bakery in New York -- Sugar Babies! [ drumming gets louder .]
Cut! I can't work with the tom-toms.
I know.
Sorry.
I thought you were gonna fix the tom-toms.
I'm sorry.
I spoke to the homeless gentleman outside and told him we're doing a piece for The Food Network, but he said he didn't care.
He doesn't have cable.
Well, this isn't gonna work for my sound guy.
Drew, let's wrap it up and get going.
No, no, please, please.
Um, look, let me just go talk to him, okay? I'm sure I can work something out.
You know, if you ever -- ever, ever, ever -- need a humorous sidekick, you know, I'm not that happy here.
Boy, am I glad this bakery opened.
Sugar Babies is the best bakery in all New York.
I flew in all the way from Chicago.
The interview was canceled.
So, how's Ben? Well, let's see -- he woke up on his ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's couch, crying about how his ex-girlfriend made a fool of him in front of his new potential girlfriend.
He's good.
I feel so guilty.
It's all my fault.
Please.
That girl was way out of his league.
Well, he's dated out of his league before.
The difference is, back then, he had confidence.
But I killed it, Gary.
I broke Ben.
Are you wearing blush? Hey, I was just trying to look pretty on television.
That's all.
So, the good news is, the food lady agreed to come back.
But unfortunately, your drums kinda can't be drumming or she won't mention my bakery on her show.
And then my business will never take off, and I could lose everything and end up on the street.
Not that that's a bad thing.
Mind if I ask what happened? No.
Same old story.
Oh, drugs, alcohol.
I was writing a novel.
Poor bastard.
What? A novel? That's amazing.
Well, actually, I haven't finished it yet.
Why not? I ran out of napkins.
I just got stuck.
It's hard to write without a room of one's own.
Virginia Woolf.
I love that book.
Me too.
Although I had to burn it for warmth.
Oh, that's not funny.
Sorry.
You know what? Um, we need another dishwasher.
Uh, maybe if you'd like the job, it'll help you get unstuck.
And we have a really big sink.
You could fit, like, a whole person in there.
It would be amazing to finally finish my novel.
Is that it? Wow.
You know, I'd love to read what you have so far.
Okay, it smells like a winner.
Hey, I got your message.
What's the big emergency? I finally figured out the perfect way to get Ben's confidence back.
You want me to sleep with him? Tina, we've talked about this.
When trying to solve problems, we use our words, not our lady parts.
- I always forget that.
- I know.
Okay, so I googled this Ava girl, and, man, that girl has a lot of web pages for somebody who's totally in the same league as me.
Anyway, she dates bad boys.
The first guy was arrested, and the other guy was in rehab.
[ thinking .]
I could really go for a cupcake.
Tina, you're not even listening to me.
I am.
Cupcake.
Ooh, bad boy.
Ava only dates bad boys? Exactly, so all we have to do is turn Ben into a bad boy, and then Ava will go out with him, and then Ben will get his confidence back.
I'd love to help you, but I don't know how to get a guy arrested now that I'm 18.
Oh, maybe we should just call Vince.
He's got that whole "bad boy" thing happening.
No, Tina, you know I can't call Vince.
He made it very clear that he doesn't want to see me unless I want to be his girlfriend.
That was weeks ago.
I'm sure he's over it by now.
No, Vince made it very clear that he doesn't want to see me.
I can't go there, Tina.
Okay, fine, maybe you're right.
Maybe it is better if you just stay away from him.
So what you're saying is, I should go to him.
No, I -- Shhwhat you're saying is, Ben is over me, and if he got over me so easily, that maybe Vince got over me, too.
No, no, actually, I was saying -- I know exactly what you're saying.
Since Vince is over me, it's totally okay that I go see him.
The whole "girlfriend or nothing" rule no longer applies.
No, Holly -- Yes, listen to what you're saying, Tina.
Not only can Vince and I be friends again, but I can help Ben, too.
Everyone wins! Hi.
I knew it! I knew if I waited, you'd come back to me! I knew it, I knew it! That's why you're here, Holly, isn't it? Isn't it? Um I'm sorry.
No.
Why do I always listen to Tina? Hey.
What the hell is wrong with you? You gave that hobo a job working in our bakery with clean people? His name is Jack.
And "hobo" is about as P.
C.
as "midget" or "oriental.
" Oh, we can't say "midget" anymore? Hey, what about lollipop kid? Lauren, I think you're being a little judgmental, okay? Jack is an educated man who happens to need a job.
He's a scholar.
He wrote a brilliant novel.
I was touched by this man.
He touched you?! Oh, my God, well, we have to sue! Although, what are we really gonna walk away with? You be nice.
Hey, Val, I'm sorry.
Look, my heart goes out to him, but I just do not feel safe working side by side with a vagrant.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, fresh from being snipped, clipped, and flea-dipped, I give you Jack, the homeless guy.
I could live in a box.
Okay, let's rehearse this.
Gary, bring in the cupcakes.
[ dance music playing .]
You know what? Maybe we should just have the cupcakes already on the table when we start.
Well, then I won't be in it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Gary.
You okay? Yeah, yeah.
I'm cool, I'm cool.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Why don't they want me to be a star? [ Val .]
: Hey Where have you two been? Oh, I'm sorry.
Jack and I went on a lunch date.
Yeah, we took the subway, and he taught me how to jump the turnstile.
What? She is good.
Oh, can't lie to you.
It wasn't my first time.
Okay, let's just, you know, um Back to work, I know.
So - You went out on a date with Jack, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Thought you couldn't stand him.
You said he was dirty and disgusting.
You ever hear of a pet name, Val? I love him now.
I cannot believe you would do this to me.
Do what to you? You knew I liked him.
No, you said you liked his novel, which, thank God, he did not talk about.
You don't even appreciate the real Jack.
He is a sensitive, artistic, intelligent soul.
Ooh, with a beautiful ass.
You disgust me.
Well, hey, if you liked him so much, why didn't you ask him out? Because I was gonna take it slow.
Hello? I've had a lot of rejection this year.
I thought maybe he would say no.
He's homeless.
He would've gone for the meal alone.
Okay, fine, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go ask him out on a date.
No, no, he's mine, and you've already had a relationship this year, okay? - Think of how long it's been for me.
- How long? I want to go out with a bum.
That's how long.
Well, I got stood up at the altar.
Oh, how long are you gonna keep singing that song, sister? Oh, you're gonna be the one who's singing at mine and Jack's wedding.
Great.
Now who's gonna do the segment? [ dance music playing .]
I can't believe that you gave me such bad advice.
Vince doesn't want to be my friend.
He totally shut me out, and you know what? - I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
- So why don't you -- I'm done.
It's over, okay? I'm totally letting Vince go.
Yeah, I can see that.
And who needs him, anyway? Ben is gonna look like a total badass without Vince's help.
- So why are you so mad? Because I went over there and I didn't think I was gonna feel anything, but I felt something, okay? So can we please drop it? Ben, get out here! Look at you! You totally look like a badass.
Ben, why are you giggling? You're supposed to look tough.
I can't help it.
The leather's tickling my willy.
Oh, my God.
He came.
Gary told me about the extreme makeover they gave you, so I just came by to see for myself.
I'm so glad I did.
What are you wearing? Okay, so that's why you came all the way down here -- just to make fun of us? Actually, just you.
Well, I'm sorry, but I only let my friends make fun of me, and you made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be my friend, so you know what? Ben, don't listen to him.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
What's wrong with him, anyway? He is totally bono.
He looks like a piñata in a gay bar.
You told me that all cool Americans dress like this.
Dude, it's not about the look.
Though that one's really bad.
It's all about the attitude.
Right Right.
I know that.
Help me.
I don't think they know what they're doing.
First of all, you're acting all desperate -- not good.
You gotta seem totally unavailable to her, yet still give her hope that she has a shot.
Oh, my God, that's so dumb.
What are you doing? - Nothing.
Why, am I making you nervous? - Uh, you wish.
You want her to see you.
Then you got to look at her as if she's the only one who can tame you.
And then ignore her.
It drives them crazy.
You know what? That is so dumb.
Excuse me, am I talking to you? And when you know she's into you, check out another girl right in front of her.
Hey, how are you? Okay, you know what? You are so immature.
And that girl was totally looking at me.
And you know you're in when she starts acting all jealous.
Okay, you know what, Ben? He's stupid.
Please don't listen to him.
Then when she least expects it And that's how you do it, Fonzie.
Yes, I think I'm gonna go with Vince's way because this leather is really starting to chafe.
Well, I finished cleaning all the mixers.
Oh, great.
Um, listen, Jack, um I was thinking, maybe, uh, you and I could go to dinner.
And then take a moonlit stroll by the river.
You know, like in your novel, except without being attacked by the bum gangs.
Val, I appreciate the offer.
I'm sorry, but I can't.
In your face! I thought you were in the alley emptying the garbage.
Yes, I was, and, oh, by the way, some guy named Lenny wearing a nightgown says hi.
Thanks.
Val, I'm sorry.
No, Jack, it's okay.
If you want to go out with Lauren, that's fine with me.
I can't do that, either.
Ha! Ha ha ha! What? I mean, what about the turnstile? Guys, I'm -- I'm going back to my wife.
- Wife? - Wife? Yeah.
Because of what you did for me, she took me back.
Wait, you're married? Ha ha, that is unbelievable! Homeless woman gets married before me.
She's not homeless.
No, she left me when I hit rock bottom, but now you've put me back on the right path.
I've cleaned up.
I've got a great job and a future, and I owe it all to you.
Well, you and soap.
See ya later.
You know, we just have to remember we did a good thing here.
Oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah.
We got dumped.
Oh, God.
I can't believe we were fighting over a homeless guy.
It can't get much lower than that.
Hey, I wonder if Lenny is still wearing that nightgown.
Hey, Lenny! I cannot believe that Ben is actually going with Vince's stupid advice.
Well, it worked on you.
After he kissed you, your eyes rolled back in your head like a slot machine.
Well, I happen to have an eye problem.
Okay, should I try the stare on Gary just one more time? I wish you wouldn't.
Forget that, you're ready.
Now come on! Go! Okay.
Hoo hoo hoo! Nice look away.
I'm sorry, Holly.
I just want Ben to get lucky.
Great.
So you taught Ben how to be a player just like you? That's nice.
Let me let you in on a little secret.
You can't get played if you don't want to be.
That's insane.
Oh, it's true.
Like, this afternoon, you were dying for me to kiss you.
- Oh, my God, you are so - Irresistible? Come on, Holly, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't feel something.
I can't.
I have an eye problem.
You loved that kiss.
- I so did not.
- You so did.
I hated that kiss.
I wish you never kissed me.
I wish that I could wash it out of my brain.
So you can't stop thinking about it.
No.
I mean, yes.
I mean, why did you have to kiss me? Holly, look at me.
I was doing so great.
The whole hating you and the not seeing you -- I mean, it was all pretty much working for me.
Except for the missing you part.
Holly, why are you fighting so hard? - Why can't we just try this? - Because I still can't trust you.
I mean, I want to.
I really want to, but I'm afraid that if I let myself have feelings for you again Holly, do you trust me as a friend? Of course.
Great.
We'll start from there.
As friends.
You're willing to be my friend again? If that's the only way you'd trust me, then, yeah, we'll take it from there and see what happens.
So we're friends again? Like, we can still hang out go to movies have sleepovers? What? Well You got to let them think they've got a shot.
Then you ignore them.
It drives them crazy.