Bewitched (1964) s03e20 Episode Script

Well, all done.
Now to put everything back.
Oh, our new lamp.
No.
No witchcraft.
But our new lamp.
Well if I'm gonna go, I might as well go for broke.
But from now on, no more witchcraft.
Who says? There I go.
Missed the mark again.
One mistake after another.
Oh, dear, Aunt Clara.
Well, we all make mistakes.
My mistakes? Oh, no, dear.
No, no.
No, I'm finished.
I'm going to give it up and change myself into something Oh, something useful, like a footstool or Now, you listen to me.
Aunt Clara, you get that thought right out of your head.
I've just come from a meeting with Endora, Hagatha and Enchantra.
And they've been a whole hour trying to put it into my head.
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
And your And your mother Yeah, well She said I'm an old cow and I should be put out to pasture.
Well! Oh, well.
Well, they were right.
Hagatha said it's time I hung up the gloves.
Or did she say broom? Okay, you can forget about that prospectus for the Morton Milk account.
You wanna know why? Because while you've been slowpoking along showing Morton what we can do on paper the Whittle Agency's been doing something creative.
That's why.
Creative like what? They're going to put Ginger, Morton's world-famous Guernsey cow on display in the lobby of this building next week, all week which happens to be National Milk Week.
People will gape through the window and then run, not walk, to the neighbourhood market and buy a quart of Morton's Milk.
- How about that? - Well, that's pretty creative.
- It was creative enough for C.
L.
Morton.
- I thought it was agreed.
- Ideas were to - You'd better get with it.
If you think you can get ahead riding on nothing but hard work and talent, you're crazy.
- Hello.
- Hi, sweetheart.
Guess what? Aunt Clara just stopped by for a visit.
That kind of news I don't need.
Darrin, I'm worried about her.
She's terribly depressed.
She's talking about giving up, retirement.
Well, that kind of news I do need.
Darrin, this is serious.
She's been talking about changing herself into something.
Permanently.
Something useful.
Sam.
I thought if I brought her into town and we took her someplace for lunch it might lift her spirits, if you'll excuse the expression.
Oh, it would mean so much to her, you taking us both to lunch.
Well, okay, honey.
While you're at it, would you stop at the jeweller's and pick up my watch? I meant to this morning, but I forgot.
Oh, sure.
Oh, and Louise is gonna babysit.
What if Tabatha suddenly decides to? You know.
No, no, don't worry.
No, I'll put Tabatha down for a nap before I leave.
- Okay, sweetheart.
Bye-bye.
- Bye, sweetheart.
Aunt Clara, guess what.
You and l Aunt Clara? Aunt Clara, is that you? I can't even make it as a potted plant.
Oh, why not? Can't you see I'm wilting? There must be something I could change myself into where I wouldn't make mistakes.
Aunt Clara, the only thing I want you to change is your hat.
And we're gonna do that by buying you the prettiest one we can find.
Oh, I must say, Aunt Clara you do look lovelier in daisies than you did in philodendron leaves.
And you're much better company here than you would have been if you'd gone out to pasture.
Well, thank you, dear.
And thank you so much for the hat.
- It was time that I got a new one.
- Time! Oh, I forgot.
I forgot Darrin's watch.
Oh, dear.
Oh, it'll take me at least 15 minutes to walk to the jeweller's and back.
But it would only take me a second to pop over and back.
- Promise you won't tell.
- Me, tell? Oh, certainly not.
Tell what? Aunt Clara, you wait right here.
I'll be I'll be back in a flash.
In a flash.
Probably easier to get than a taxi.
Hi there, beautiful.
Well, you seem to be doing pretty well.
Not wilting.
Now, you know, when I was a plant, the trouble Do you mind? This is private.
I Look, I got explicit instructions to bring her in here.
I'm giving you new explicit instructions.
- Get that cow out of here.
- Will you listen already? This is Ginger.
I don't care if it's Tallulah.
Look, I didn't hear nothing about allowing any cow to loiter in any building on my beat.
Listen.
Why don't we nicely call up Mr.
Whittle? He's the advertising man.
He's right in the building here.
He'll come down, and he'll explain that he's the one that got me the clearance to bring Ginger in here.
I tell you what, I'll even use my own dime.
Come on.
Hey, lady? If you get tired of yakking to the plant there's a cow with nobody to talk to.
Oh, isn't this all cute? Well, of all things Well, hello there.
Going up? Going up with you would be like going to heaven.
You're what I call a class A, number-one, all-time gorgeous Please, would you mind going up to heaven without me? I'm very busy looking for someone.
Take your pick.
There's some beauts today.
- Talk about fruitcakes.
- Fruitcakes? I don't care how long I live, I ain't never gonna get so sophisticated that an old dame talking to a plant one minute and a cow walking around the lobby the next ain't a novelty.
- A cow? - A cow.
A co Where? Where? Around the corner.
How about it? Wanna take a ride with me? Fly to heaven? Next trip.
Aunt Clara? Aunt Clara? Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara.
A cow, of all things.
And in Darrin's building.
Well, this is hardly out to pasture.
You Yes.
Yes, sir.
A policeman.
That's all we need.
No, no, don't try to talk.
I better get you home.
Oh, Louise must be upstairs with Tabatha.
What happened to my Ginger? You made me lose my cow.
Aunt Clara, just because I told you not to talk before doesn't mean that Samantha, is that you? Oh, hi.
Hi, Louise.
- I'll be right up.
- Oh, no, no, no.
I'll be right down.
Tabatha's asleep.
Aunt Clara, dear, you go into the kitchen.
I'll try and get rid of her.
Aunt Clara, I said, in the kitchen.
Just because you chose to be a cow doesn't mean you have to be a stupid one.
And stubborn.
- How come you're back so early? - Oh, hi, Louise.
I can't thank you enough for staying with Tabatha.
And if I can ever return the favour, don't hesitate to call me.
- I'm sorry you have to rush off.
- But I don't.
Oh, that's right, you don't.
- Well, then why am I leaving? - Because I'm in such a hurry.
Oh, sure.
Thanks a lot, Louise.
- Oh, boy.
- You can say that again.
Oh, dear.
Aunt Clara being a cow is no solution to anything.
Now, please.
Come on, change yourself back.
Don't tell me you've forgotten how.
- Hello? - Samantha? You were coming for lunch.
What happened? I've been worried.
Well, hi, sweetheart.
I was going to call you, but something came up.
Well, that is, something happened.
Aunt Clara's sort of indisposed.
Sort of indisposed? What does that mean? Oh, nothing serious.
She'll be all right.
You better be.
I'll see you at dinner, okay? Oh, yeah, sure.
Sure.
Okay.
Goodbye.
Sort of indisposed? Now, Aunt Clara, you know I can't change you back.
You just have to do that yourself.
Why not try to relax a little, rest a little first? How about a nice glass of warm milk? Warm milk.
What am I saying? Yes, Samantha, what are you saying? Oh, Louise.
- Didn't you leave? - You gave me the wrong jacket.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Louise.
I must've been thinking about the cow.
I'm not quite used to it yet.
Having one, I mean.
Oh, but as soon as I am, I'll call you.
All right? All right.
Oh, Aunt Clara.
A cow? I'm going to call Larry.
Aunt Clara, why couldn't you have been a Chihuahua? Oh, nice.
Okay, you wanna know why the Whittle Agency may lose the Morton Milk account and we may get another whack at it? Well, I suppose Because Whittle has gone and lost C.
L.
Morton's cow.
- That's why.
- Lost a? - How could anyone lose a cow? - I don't know.
But losing Ginger Morton's world-famous, prize-winning Guernsey cow worth at least $12,000 you gotta admit, that's pretty creative.
Larry, I would like to shake hands with a man who really knows how to gloat.
World's champ.
They're down in the lobby.
Whittle's about to have a nervous breakdown and C.
L.
Morton wants to put the city under arrest for cow-napping.
Let's go.
Come on.
You're through delivering cows, mister, I hope you know that.
On account of you and your authority, I got a missing cow on my hands.
If she were on your hands, she wouldn't be missing.
You're gonna give me logic, right? Policeman's logic? - You got something against policemen? - Yeah.
A missing cow on my hands.
That's what I got against policemen.
Don't worry, Mr.
Morton.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara.
Oh, Darrin.
Darrin, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at home.
I am? Oh, my goodness, I've goofed again.
No, stay right here.
I'm gonna call home and check this out with Sam.
Stay right here.
Every endeavour is being made to find your cow, Ginger.
And I give you my word that What are you doing here, Tate? Well, I thought I might be of some assistance.
- Is something wrong? - Something wrong? Why, this numskull Whittle Mr.
Tate, your secretary says to get on the horn to your wife.
- Very important.
- Later.
I think I'd better have a visit with Mr.
Tate here.
Mr.
Morton, if you'd only have a little patience.
Your secretary said your wife said to call her now, not later.
- Lf I was you, pal - Look here, young man.
Okay, okay.
I wouldn't take on both of them, a wife and a secretary.
All right, all right.
I get the message.
Excuse me for a minute, Mr.
Morton.
Now, there goes a good man.
Sam, what I'm trying to say is I think you misplaced Aunt Clara.
She's here in the lobby of the building.
Oh, Darrin, don't be ridiculous.
She's standing right next to me eating her oats.
Sam? Amazing how they pick their times.
- Her what? - Her oa Oh, well, it's really oatmeal.
But I didn't know what else to give her.
She missed having her lunch.
Sam Darrin, I told you Aunt Clara was upset.
She turned herself into a cow.
- She turned herself into a what? - A cow.
I think you made a little mistake.
- A mistake? - Sam's got a what in their where? A cow? What kind of a cow? Sam, honey.
Aunt Clara's here in the lobby.
Aunt Clara's there? Are you sure? Is she all right? - She's fine.
- Bye, Louise.
Well, if she's there, then who have I got here? And what was she doing in your lobby? What difference does it make? I mean, who cares, really? The point is, since you're practically next door why don't you just pop over and fix things, if you know what I mean.
In a minute, Lar.
- I'll have to get Mother to babysit.
- Terrific.
You even agree to that? Must be worse than I thought.
That's right.
I'll be waiting for you in the lobby, honey.
Things are sort of crowded in spots, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, all right.
Bye.
- Something on your mind, Lar? - Yeah.
Are you out of yours? I said get the account, not steal the cow.
- Steal what cow? - Ginger.
Ginger? Do you or do you not have a cow in your living room? - No, I don't know - I was just talking to Louise and she said she saw a cow standing in your Larry, you don't think? You don't think that our cow is the Morton cow? Your cow? Oh, Darrin, don't be ridiculous.
How could you possibly think it was the same cow? Well, after all, I mean In the first place, our cow's name is Trixie.
- Trixie? - Yeah.
Hadn't we better get over there, see what's going on? What do you want with a cow? Actually, I don't want one at all.
It's all Sam's idea.
She's on a big economy kick like a lot of the housewives are.
Baking her own bread and growing their own vegetables.
Well, Sam wants to grow our own milk and butter and cheese, cream, the whole bit.
Well, why didn't she tell Louise? - Probably afraid she'd steal the idea.
- Steal the idea? - Hadn't we better get over there? - Yeah.
Sure, sure.
Let's get over there.
Now, you've had enough, whoever you are.
You're gonna have to go back a different way if that lobby's as crowded as Darrin says.
Oh, what would be the best way? Why didn't I think of that before? Well, aren't you cute.
Okay, you'll be back to normal in a minute.
If you wanna blame anybody, blame the fuzz.
- Lf he don't bug me, I don't lose her.
- Look.
Nobody's got any right dumping a cow on my beat anyhow.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and, boy, is it ever in the eyes of this beholder.
- Your chariot awaits.
- How nice.
Five, please.
Honey, going up with you is like going to heaven.
I bet you say that to all your female passengers all the time.
Only the class A, number-one lookers like you.
All day long, fat dames, skinny dames tall dames, short dames, old dames.
Only one in a hundred is a doll like you.
I don't give the eye to every one of that hundred either.
Only maybe 15 percent.
I guess I'm giving the eye to the right percentage, though, huh? - You're gonna get a fat lip.
- Yeah? You know how many years you can get for hitting a civilian? Mr.
Morton, I am convinced that there is dirty work afoot.
There has to be, with that man hanging around here like a vulture.
Are you pointing your stubby little finger at me, Whittle? Larry, take it easy.
- Sam.
- All this fuss about a cow? - Well, where is it? - Coming down.
Coming down? I think someone should know it's a very stupid cow.
There she is.
There's my Ginger.
Oh, there's my baby.
Papa's little girl.
Yes, sir.
That's my little girl.
Isn't that sweet? You see, everything turns out for the best.
Yeah, when you're around to give everything a big assist, it does.
You know your papa, don't you? Yes, you do.
Well Well, as I said, I goof, goof, goof, goof and spoil everything for everybody.
Oh, I wish I were a doorknob.
Now, Aunt Clara, you've got to stop blaming yourself.
Yeah, let Samantha take a couple of bows.
I'll get it.
I'll get the door.
- Hello? - Yes? Oh, Larry.
What? We got the Morton account? - That's great.
What cinched the deal? - Oh, really? When you told Mr.
Morton that Sam and I were such cow fanciers? What'd you tell him a thing like that for? What difference does it make as long as it cinched the deal? Well, thank you very much.
Mr.
Morton is sending us a little something? Well, that's very nice.
Yeah, okay, Larry.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
We got the Morton account.
On account of we're such cow fanciers.
And Mr.
Morton is sending us a little something.
Is that good? Well, when is he sending it? He already has.
That was the delivery man.
He's bringing Mr.
Morton's little something around back.
You see, Aunt Clara? All of your mistakes turned out to be wonderful mistakes.
- Oh, really, Samantha.
- Including the cows.
What cows? The ones from Mr.
Morton.
- Thanks a lot, Aunt Clara.
- Yes.
Thank you, Aunt Clara.
Well, you're very welcome.
- How? - Aunt Clara, we love cows.
- Don't we? - Oh, yes, yes.
Yes.
You love Well, it takes all kinds, you know.