Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e20 Episode Script

What? Do I have funny|bed-hair or something? Or something.
I guess we got a little carried away|with the whole post-slayage nap thing.
Not good.
- Where you goin'?|- To go kill the cat on my head.
No mirrors.
This place really isn't girl-friendly.
|No mirrors, no natural light.
- I think you look perfect.
|- Yeah.
I really look OK.
Maybe we should think about|getting a few mirrors.
And maybe a drawer, you know,|for some of my stuff.
Because that's what couples do.
|They have drawers.
That's right.
You know, I figure that way|sometimes I can spend the night.
Like after the prom,|it'd be nice to be able to just come back here|and spend some time together.
The prom? End of high school, rite-of-passage thingy.
Think cotillion with spiked punch|and electric slide.
- Right.
|- Don't worry, it's at night.
And lots of girls have older boyfriends.
You'll blend.
I think maybe you should get goin', huh? No.
There must be|a few more hours before sunrise.
Sorry.
I guess it's later than we thought.
Xander.
It's Demon Anya, punisher of evil males.
|Still haven't got your powers back? - You haven't, right?|- No.
I will, though.
It's just a matter of time.
So, how did that work? Women would wish|horrible things on their ex-boyfriends.
- You'd show up and make it happen.
|- That's right.
The power of the wish made me|a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful.
Well, good luck with that.
|Hope it works out for you.
You can laugh, but I have seen a millennium|of treachery and oppression from men, and I have only contempt|for the whole lot of them.
Then why are you talkin' to me? I don't have a date for the prom.
Well, gosh.
I wonder why not? It couldn't|have anything to do with your sales pitch? Men are evil.
Will you go with me? One of us is very confused,|and I honestly don't know which.
- This happens to be all your fault.
|- My fault? You were unfaithful to Cordelia, so I posed|as a 12th-grader to tempt her with the wish.
When I lost my powers, I got stuck in this|persona and now I have all these "feelings".
I don't understand it.
But I wanna go to this|dance and I want someone to go with me.
Be still my heart.
Wait.
It is.
How come I got the short straw? You're not quite as obnoxious|as most of the alpha males around here.
- Plus you don't have a date.
|- I haven't settled on anyone.
Fine.
I know you find me attractive.
|I've seen you looking at my breasts.
When a guy does that,|it just means his eyes are open.
Whatever.
Do you wanna go with me or not? Anya, huh? Interesting choice.
"Choice" is kind of a broad term|for my situation.
See, it's either Anya|or the sock puppet of love for this boy.
I love you, Xander.
I'll never leave you.
If Anya tries to get you killed,|put me down for a big "I told you so".
Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me? She just better not try to cross me,|that's all I'm saying.
At least we all have someone to go with now.
Some of us will go with demons,|but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice.
- More importantly, I have the kick dress.
|- The pink one? Angel's gonna lose it.
But not his soul.
|I mean, he's gonna lose his bit.
- Mrs Summers.
|- I'm sorry to I would have called,|but I didn't have your number.
Please.
You're always welcome.
My goodness.
Your place is amazing.
Yeah.
I like a lot of space.
|I don't get out much in the day.
No.
You wouldn't.
Can I get you something?|I don't have any coffee.
No, thank you.
You don't drink? Beverages, I mean.
No, I do.
It's just the caffeine.
|It makes me jittery.
- I understand Buffy spent the night.
|- I'm sorry about that.
- We came back after patrolling|- I'm not interested in the details.
OK.
I'm here because I'm worried|about you two, in general.
What happened before, when I changed,|it won't happen again.
That's not all I'm concerned about.
I don't have to tell you that|you and Buffy are from different worlds.
No, you don't.
She's had to deal with a lot.
Grow up fast.
Sometimes even I forget|that she's still just a girl.
And I'm old enough to be her ancestor.
She's just starting out in life.
I know.
I think about it more now|that she's staying in Sunnydale.
Good.
Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's|just like any other young woman in love.
You're all she can see of tomorrow.
But I think we both know|that there are some hard choices ahead.
If she can't make them, you're gonna have to.
I know you care about her.
I just hope you care enough.
- So it was blue and sort of short?|- Not too short.
Medium.
- And it had weird fringy stuff on its arms.
|- What's that? A demon? A prom dress Will wants to get.
Can't you|ever get your mind out of the Hellmouth? I'd be delighted to, but the Mayor's Ascension|is nearing and we don't know what to expect.
What about the pages Will stole? She put her|life on the line.
Don't tell me they're useless.
Not at all.
We know the Ascension refers|to a human transforming into a demon, into the living embodiment of an immortal.
And Graduation Day, Mayor Wilkins|is scheduled to do just that.
But we don't know|which demon he's going to become.
There are thousands of species.
So it's safe to say we shouldn't waste time|on such trifling matters as a school dance.
That's too bad, because I bet|you would look way 007 in a tux.
Except on the actual night, when I will be|aiding Mr Giles in his chaperoning duties.
What? Excuse me? Fine, fine.
We'll get you a dress.
|We should check April Fools.
Don't go there.
I shop there.
I am dipping into|my hard-earned road-trip fund, to procure a shiny new tux,|so look for me to dazzle.
I shall wear pink taffeta, as chenille|will not go with my complexion.
Can we please talk about the Ascension? Giles, we get it.
Miles to go before we sleep.
But especially if we're gonna|vaporise on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommie fun.
One night of glory - not too much to ask.
Into this holy estate, these two persons|present now come to be joined.
If any man can show just cause why they|should not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now Angel? Patrol's not complete|without a trip to the stinky sewers.
- I'm sure I saw him come down here.
|- We could let this be the vamp that got away.
- We could say he was this big.
|- What can I say? I need closure.
You need clothes.
|You don't have a tux, do you? Since when did patrolling go black tie? For the prom, silly.
We have more important things|to think about than a dance.
Sorry, Giles.
I'll just be quiet.
Come on.
Don't be that way.
Not now.
I'm not being "that way".
Every time|I say the word "prom", you get grouchy.
I'm sorry.
I'm just worried that you're|getting too invested in this whole thing.
What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff|that I'm supposed to get invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up? I know.
Then what? What's with the dire? It's - It's nothing.
|- No, you have "something" face.
I think we need to talk.
But not now, not here.
No.
No, if you have|something to say, then say it.
Angel, drop the cryptic.
You're scaring me.
I've been thinking about our future.
And the more I do, the more I feel like "us", you and me being together is unfair to you.
Is this about what the Mayor said? - Because he was just trying to shake us up.
|- He was right.
No.
No, he wasn't.
He's the bad guy.
You deserve more.
You deserve something|outside of demons and darkness.
You should be with someone|who can take you into the light.
- Someone who can make love to you.
|- I don't care about that.
You will.
And children Children? Can you say|"jumping the gun"? I kill my goldfish.
Today.
But you have no idea|how fast it goes, Buffy.
- Before long, you'll want it all.
A normal life.
|- I'll never have a normal life.
Right.
You'll always be a slayer.
All the more reason why you should have a|real relationship instead of this freak show.
- I didn't mean that.
|- I'm gonna go.
I'm sorry.
Buffy, you know how much|I love you.
It kills me to say this.
Then don't.
Who are you|to tell me what's right for me? - You think I haven't thought about this?|- Have you? Rationally? No, of course not.
I'm just|some swoony little schoolgirl, right? I'm trying to do what's right.
I'm trying|to think with my head instead of my heart.
Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating.
- Don't.
|- Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry.
You know what?|I didn't know that I got a choice in that.
I'm never gonna change.
I can't change.
I want my life to be with you.
I don't.
You don't wanna be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me.
It doesn't mean that I don't How am I supposed to stay away from you? I'm leaving.
After the Ascension.
After it's finished with the Mayor and Faith.
If we survive, I'll go.
- Where?|- I don't know.
Is this really happening? So, that's it? That's it.
Assuming we survive this|Ascension thing, he's gonna leave town.
Well, he's a fool.
He's just a big, dumb|jerk-person, if you ask me.
And he's a super-maxi jerk|for doing it right before the prom.
That's not his fault.
He's 243 years old.
|He doesn't exactly get the prom.
- But he should.
|- Will, it's OK.
You don't have to make him the bad guy.
But that's the best friend's job.
|Vilifying and grousing.
Usually, yeah.
But he's right.
I mean, I think maybe|in the long run that he's right.
Yeah.
I think he is.
I mean, I tried to hope for the best, but I'm sorry.
It must be horrible.
I think "horrible" is still coming.
Right now, it's worse.
Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying.
Oh, Buffy.
I can't breathe, Will.
I feel like I can't breathe.
OK, how long does it take you|to buy a damn dress? Xander.
I'm considering things|a little more carefully nowadays.
I don't wanna get stuck with another dud.
This should work for ya.
|It positively screams "nympho".
Is this a customer or a friend? Neither.
Just stopped by|for my daily helping of bile.
So you better get back to work and quit|goofing.
Mrs Finkle so has it in for you.
You work here? Yes.
Yes, I work here.
But why? I'm trying to buy a dress.
- But don't you already have all the dresses?|- I have nothing, OK? No dresses.
No cellphone.
No car.
Everything has been taken away because|Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes for the last 12 years.
Satisfied? Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke.
I can't go to any|of the colleges that accepted me, and I can't stay home|cos we no longer have one.
Yeah.
Neato.
Now you can run along and tell|all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers.
How she has to work part time|just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway.
And how she has to wear a name tag.
I'm a name-tag person.
Don't leave that out.
|The story wouldn't have the same punch.
You say the creature just stopped? Yeah.
Right there.
It's like he just realised he forgot|to put money in the meter.
The other part that totally weirded me out?|The thing had good taste.
He chucked Xander|and went right for the formalwear.
That's right.
He left behind|his copy of Monsters' Wear Daily, I'm serious.
Look at the outfit|that Xander's wearing.
Now look at the kid|that the monster went after.
Very smooth lines till he was shredded.
I don't wanna see it again.
Buffy, it's horrible, but if you're gonna hunt|this creature, you should study it.
- I think I got it.
|- She's right.
I mean, you've seen one big, hairy|bringer of death, you've seen 'em all.
Not really.
If I'm not mistaken,|this is a Hell Hound.
Yes.
It's particularly vicious.
It's a sort of a demon foot soldier|bred during the Makhash Wars.
Trained solely to kill.
|They feed off the brains of their foes.
Look.
Right there.
Zoom in on that.
- It's a video tape.
|- So? They do it on television all the time.
- Not with a regular VCR they don't.
|- Could we stay on the topic for once? What were you doing with Xander? What? - I was|- Burning a hole in Daddy's wallet, as usual.
I just bumped into her|during my tuxedo hunt.
- What's that? Pause it.
|- Guys! It's just a normal VCR.
It doesn't Wait.
It can do "pause".
Hello, Hell Hound raiser.
Tucker Wells.
He was in my chem lab.
Let me guess.
He was quiet, kept to himself,|but always seemed like a nice young man.
He didn't seem the murderous type, anyway.
|Something must have happened to him.
How's it goin' over there, Buff? Fine.
I just wanted to say that your impersonation|of an inanimate object is really coming along.
Thanks.
I got into Tucker's e-mail account.
Listen to this message Tucker sent to|this kid, David Metz, at school last week.
"The Sunnydale High lemmings|have no idea what awaits them.
" "Their big night will be their last night.
" So we have a threat against|the students on their big night.
A Hell Hound trained|to attack people in formalwear.
Are we all catching up now? This Tucker is planning|to attack the prom tonight.
The Hellmouth puts|the "special" in "special occasion".
Why do I even buy tickets|for these things, I ask you? I wonder if I can take my dress back.
- Don't you dare.
|- But Tucker's gonna No.
You guys are gonna have a prom.
|The kind of prom that everyone should have.
I'm gonna give you all|a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person|on the face of the earth to do it.
Yay? Wes, you go to Tucker's house.
|He's probably not there, but it's worth a shot.
- All right.
Perhaps strength in numbers|- You can take Cordy.
If that's your plan, all right.
What about the others? Oz, you know this David kid.
|Why don't you and Will track him down? - See what he knows if he's involved.
|- We're on it.
And could you two check the magic shop? - Magic shop?|- Yeah, it's next to the dress store on Main.
I can swing that one.
What's the mission? See if anyone's bought|supplies for a Hell Hound.
Gotcha.
Or see who's been|stocking up on Hell-Hound Snausages.
I hear those pups'll do|anything for a tasty treat.
Giles, you say this thing|eats brains.
Any brains? - I suppose.
|- Then Tucker must be feeding it, right? Yeah.
This kid orders cow brains|a couple of times a week.
It goes to this address.
Good luck.
That's a weird kid.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
What are you doin' here? Hello to you, too.
Sorry, I'm just surprised.
Me, too.
I don't know why, though.
Where did I think|you get your blood, McPlasma's? - How are you?|- Right as rain.
Whatever that means.
Don't look at me like that.
I can lie to you|if I want to now.
We're "ex", remember? - If it means anything, I miss you.
|- Can we not, please? When I think about us, I have|this tendency to sort of go catatonic, and I really can't afford to do that right now.
I've got to stop a crazy|from pulling a Carrie at the prom.
- You're still plannin' to go?|- Strictly in a chaperone capacity.
But it's fine.
I mean, I'm cool with going stag.
I'm over the whole "Buffy gets|one perfect high-school moment" thing.
But I'm not gonna let some subhuman|ruin it for the rest of the senior class.
- Let me help you.
|- I'm OK.
- If you ever need my help|- Look, I got it.
Thanks.
Hey.
Don't forget your dress.
|Aren't you wearing it tonight? As much as I hate to admit it,|I haven't finished paying for it yet.
- Well, somebody did.
|- What? Who? - Zeroes all around, Buff.
|- Sorry.
Make not with the long faces.
|I got the address.
The prom starts soon.
You guys go on.
I will|catch up as soon as I put a lid on this jerk.
- What? No way.
|- We can't just leave you, Buff.
- They're right.
You need|- To see taillights.
Hit the door.
I have everything under control.
- Buffy, it makes sense to|- Have a nice time.
- OK, then.
|- See ya.
I want you at the gym.
|Keep an eye on them till I get there.
I don't have to tell you|you're being rather rash.
Finding an address|hardly adds up to "case closed".
Look, it's done.
You wanna go after|them and tell them they can't go? That all their planning|and dreaming was for nothing? That they can't spend tonight|with their honeys, of all nights? Angel's not taking you, is he? Angel's leaving me.
He's leaving town.
Buffy, I'm sorry.
I don't really know what to say.
I understand that this sort of thing|requires ice cream of some kind.
Ice cream will come.
First, I wanna take out psycho boy.
- Are you sure?|- The great thing about being a slayer? Kicking ass is comfort food.
She wished her husband's head|would explode, which was great, except we were standing|three feet from him at the time.
What a mess.
Of course, during the plague,|it was always parts falling off.
Well, that got pretty old.
|The Renaissance, that was I must say, this is all rather odd to me.
Yes.
Being in an all-male preparatory,|we didn't go in for this sort of thing.
No, of course not.
|Unless you count the nights you made the lowerclassmen|get up as girls and watch them.
The dip is tasty, isn't it? The salsa's hot.
Very hot.
We got in.
Maybe we should dance before|we get beseeched, bedevilled or beheaded.
- It's not gonna happen.
|- You're not even a little nervous? We think Buffy's gonna let us down? Wanna try some punch? May I say you look smashing.
It's a start.
One time, a girl wished|that her ex would cannibalise himself.
Even I had a hard time watching that one.
Cordelia.
Wesley.
|My God in heaven, it's good to see you.
How are you both? And details, please.
- Very well, thank you.
|- Yes, thank you.
- It looks good on you.
|- Well, duh! - You ready to go?|- Sorry.
New plan.
- The prom's a go, and you're pathetic.
|- Maybe.
Maybe not.
So that's how you brainwashed|the hounds to go psycho on prom? - Neat, huh?|- I don't get it.
What kind of sicko would destroy|the happiest night of a senior's life? I have my reasons.
- Do you wanna go to the prom with me?|- No.
Whatever.
Every maladjust has his reasons.
Luckily for me,|you're an incompetent maladjust.
Up.
OK.
Now, I'm gonna lock you in here,|and then I'm gonna party like it's 19 Gotta have a redundancy system.
|Any incompetent knows that.
My three fiercest babies are|on their way to the dance right now.
You think formalwear makes them crazy.
Wait till they see the mirror ball.
That's right.
Follow Buffy.
Good dogs.
Come on.
That song sucks.
Get back! Bathroom? You're welcome.
- Buffy, you look awesome.
|- So do you.
- Everything cool?|- Coolest.
Devil dogs are history.
- How's the prom?|- Strangely affecting.
I teared up when|they played "We Are Family".
Everything's perfect.
And the award for Sunnydale High's|Class Clown for 1999 goes to Jack Mayhew.
Please.
Anybody can be a prop class clown.
None of the people who vote|for these things are funny.
We have one more award to give out.
Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she This is actually a new category.
It's the first time ever.
I guess there|were a lot of write-in ballots, and Well, the prom committee|asked me to read this.
"We're not good friends.
" "Most of us never found|the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean|we haven't noticed you.
" "We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High|isn't really like other high schools.
" "A lot of weird stuff happens here.
" - Zombies!|- Hyena people! Snyder! "But whenever there was a problem|or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it.
" "Most of the people here|have been saved by you, or helped by you, at one time or another.
" "We're proud to say that the class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any|graduating class in Sunnydale history.
" "And we know at least|part of that is because of you.
" "So the senior class offers its thanks|and gives you this.
" It's from all of us, and it has written here: "Buffy Summers: Class Protector.
" Mr Giles? I'd like your opinion.
Now, the last thing I wish to do is model bad|behaviour in front of impressionable youth.
- I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance|- For God's sake, man.
She's 18.
And you have the emotional maturity|of a blueberry scone.
Just have at it, would you,|and stop fluttering about Right then.
Thanks for that.
This isn't bad.
You did good work tonight, Buffy.
- And I got a little toy surprise.
|- Yes.
I had no idea that children|en masse could be gracious.
Every now and then people surprise you.
Every now and then.
I never thought you'd come.
It's a big night.
I didn't wanna miss it.
- It's just tonight.
It doesn't mean that I|- I know.
I mean, I understand.
Will you dance with me?