Clarence US (2014) s03e20 Episode Script
Cool Guy Clarence
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Rock music plays.]
Mm-hmm.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh! Yes! Eh.
I should've bought the 500-piece.
- Mom.
- Hmm? Um, have you seen my scissors anywhere? Try the, uh fridge or cupboard.
[Grunts.]
Not over here.
Oh, that's right.
[Chuckles.]
My hiding spot.
Why the heck did I buy this thing? Oh, oh, oh! Yes! All right, that's it.
[Clarence grunting.]
Whatcha doing there, booger? Just get this here.
[Chuckles.]
There.
I cut my hat.
[Chuckling.]
Okay.
That needs a trim.
You got a real mop-top happening.
How come I never noticed that before? What? No, um I need to go to the bathroom.
- So bye.
- Hey.
- See you later.
- Wait! Clarence! [Panting.]
No, no, no! [Doorbell rings.]
Huh? Oh, hi, JT.
You made it.
Oh, hey, Ms.
Wendle.
You too.
Um, so, uh - just the front yard, right? - That's right.
And, you know, if it gets too warm, I got a-a puzzle going on in here - and some cold beverages.
- Word.
[Grunts.]
[Lawnmower running.]
Clarence: Mom.
Someone's being really nice - and just mowing our lawn for us.
- Yeah, that's JT.
Wow.
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
Yeah! You don't get me Oh! - Um, hello.
- # You won't forget me # Excuse me! Excuse me! Just like a fighter in - Hello? Dingdong! - Aah! [Lawnmower stops.]
'Sup? - I really like your hair.
- Thanks, little man.
You're welcome.
I'm Clarence.
John Thomas.
- Um, what are you listening to? - Iron Tiger.
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Cool.
Wait up.
Wha Uh Hol Wait up? - You heard of Iron Tiger? - Well sort of.
Oh, man! You need these way more than me.
Um sure.
- # I'm comin' to getcha, getcha # - Hmm.
Just like a lone wolf on the prowl You will hear me howl Owww! I'm comin' to getcha [Vocalizing.]
# Yeah! # You don't get me So, what do you think? [Chuckles.]
Sounded pretty good to me.
"Pretty good"? You know, Stephanie was all like, "Oh, is Iron Tiger good?" I'm like, "[Scoffs.]
No duh.
Of course it's good.
It's the best.
" Also, I like that one guy who makes all the monkey sounds like [Chattering.]
Oh, Keith Mack? [Guitar riff plays.]
He's the reason I got my rattail.
- It opens all kinds of doors.
- Like car doors? - All kinds.
- Wow.
And if anybody messes with it, they get this.
Hyah! Aah! Huh? Oh.
[Laughs.]
[Chuckles.]
You really get it, don't you, little man? Um, I guess so.
Hey, would you want to come over to my house? Mom! Mom! This is JT, and he's, like, the coolest person ever.
And can you cut my hair like his? Hmm.
All right.
But only for a week.
[Scissors clicking.]
Check that tail, little man.
Oh, my gosh! It looks just like yours! Hey, do you want to see how to draw muscles? Whoa.
[Chuckles.]
Little shading right here.
[Grunts, sighs.]
- Here's a little feast for your eyes.
- Whoa! He's got like a jillion, gillion abs! - So, what else is fun to do? - Mm I know.
Mm-hmm Where you going, hon? - Going out.
- All right.
Uh, uh, JT, can you keep an eye on him? Word.
[Rock music plays.]
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom! Need a ride? Out on the track, hair out the back Bye, Gunner! Love you! Thin as a string or the tail of a rat I don't care what other people think - # I got a 'do that's cooler than a new ice rink # - Huh? - Man: Bring me a number 44.
- Yeah.
Livin' tailer than life Hey, y'all staying clear of school? [Scoffs.]
What do you think? It's JT.
Um, I have never been in a school.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
[Gulps.]
[Music continues.]
- Here, watch this.
- Hmm? How much for this one? [Grunts.]
- Hmm.
- Hmm? - It's on the house.
- [Gasps.]
All right! [Laughs.]
You see, little man? This is the way of the rattail.
Us tailers, we got to look out for each other.
These other ants of society, they just don't get it.
Oh, hi, there.
They're just marching down the anthill of conformity.
They make me sick.
Yeah! Go back to your anthill, you sick man.
Excuse me? I didn't catch you.
You've adapted well.
I knew you wasn't an ant.
Take 'er easy, Clarence.
[Indistinct conversations, school bell rings.]
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
Ow.
Huh? Clarence: Hey, Jeff.
Hi, Clar Wh-Wh-What is that? Eh, it's just my tail.
Pretty cool, huh? - No! It's unsanitary.
- Okay! We are going to be learning about insects today.
Oh.
Uh interesting hair, Clarence.
[Chuckles.]
Are you jealous? [Chuckles.]
Got to show the man my plan, am I right? What? - So, an insect's skeleton is actually on the outside.
- Psst! Brady.
Did you see my hair? - Yoo-hoo! Brady, check it out.
- If this part was the thorax, Brady.
- okay, then what do we call this part - You don't want to miss out on this.
- Earth to Brady.
Look at this.
- Uh, Clarence.
Melany, aren't we all just society's ants? Interesting point, Clarence, but not exactly what I was looking for.
- Yep.
- Um okay, forget that.
Mm.
Got to let the tail breathe.
[Groaning.]
Aah! Ms.
Baker, may I please switch seats? Y-Yeah, o-okay, Jeff.
Uh, why don't you switch with Crendle? It's okay, Jeff.
Not everybody can handle the life of a tailer.
But you know what's up, don't you, Crendle? [Mid-tempo music plays.]
- Doing - Aw! Gross! - Looking pretty cool, huh? Ew! Kickball! Hey, everyone! Kickball! [Indistinct talking.]
Tailers love kickball.
Okay, so, I'm going to pick first.
Psst! Yo.
Hey.
Jeff.
Hey, Jeff.
Number-one tail boy right here.
Breehn.
[Scoffs.]
Breehn.
That's a rookie move.
And I'll take Dustin.
- Mavis.
- Oh.
Mm.
- Okay.
- Nathan: Uh, Guyler.
- What? - Percy.
Um, hello? Standing right here.
- Mm.
Camden.
- Oh.
Uh, all right.
Yeah! Jeff, I'm on your team! Sorry, Clarence.
You can't be on my team.
[Wistful music plays.]
[Scoffs.]
Whatever.
Clarence, you're my best friend, but that thing growing from the back of your head, well, it's changing you, and I don't like it.
Even if you were acting normally which you aren't I'd still be concerned with my team's image.
I'm sorry, but not today.
[Claps.]
[Indistinct talking.]
Ow! Hmm.
[Groans.]
Well, it's been fun, little guy, but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a tailer.
Nathan: Heads-up! [Gasps.]
- Uh, s-sorry! - Clarence? Don't worry.
I-I'm just getting your ball.
No, no, it's fine.
[Chuckles.]
Glad you came to your senses.
Breehn won't stop complaining about his feet.
Why don't you come take his place? Oh.
Okay.
Hmm.
Mm.
Breehn, tag team.
Tagging you out.
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
[Vocalizing.]
I'm sorry, JT.
We had a nice run, you and me, but this this is for your own good.
[Gasps.]
Wha W-Wait! - Goodbye! - My tail! - You're welcome.
- Come back to me! No, no, no, no, no, no! You bozo! I brought you into the rattail life, and this is how you repay me?! - Hy - Aah! [Groans.]
I just, you know [Sighs.]
Everyone else, they're just chitchatting all the time face-to-face, with words, but I need I need this stuff.
I-It just helps, you know? [Sighs.]
Yeah, but my friend Jeff says that what matters is you should just be me.
Maybe, but you're more of a baller, shot-caller than me.
- I need my tail.
- Well maybe this will help.
[Guitar riff plays.]
[Grunts.]
What do you think? [Sighs.]
It looks awesome.
- Why don't people like it? - Listen, little man.
You can't expect anyone to just get the rattail life.
You have to feel it in here and more importantly, here.
Yeah! Yeah! So, how old are you now? You got yourself a little boyfriend, eh? I bet you're breaking a bunch of hearts, huh? They're all lining up to What do they do, hold hands now? It's probably Or you know what? So, guys, Clarence said that he made something for the class today! Um, I made one of these for everyone, so just go ahead and pass them out.
[All groan.]
Guh! Uh, Clarence, is that a is that a box of hair? Yeah.
I made rattails for everyone even one for you, Ms.
Baker.
- Here you go.
- [Shakily.]
Oho! Thank you.
Clarence! No one likes rattails! Nuh-unh.
This way, everyone can try one, and if they don't like it, you can just take it off.
It could be fun.
Uh, well, yeah, I guess it's a little, uh, cool.
Uh, but, seriously, Clarence, you can't - Nathan: How does it look? - What? How does it look? [Laughter.]
[Indistinct talking.]
- No, no, no! It's fine.
It's fine.
- Stop touching me! It's got to Oh, it's tickling me.
- There we go.
- Ohhh.
- I actually look pretty good.
- [Chuckles.]
Word.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Rock music plays.]
Mm-hmm.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh! Yes! Eh.
I should've bought the 500-piece.
- Mom.
- Hmm? Um, have you seen my scissors anywhere? Try the, uh fridge or cupboard.
[Grunts.]
Not over here.
Oh, that's right.
[Chuckles.]
My hiding spot.
Why the heck did I buy this thing? Oh, oh, oh! Yes! All right, that's it.
[Clarence grunting.]
Whatcha doing there, booger? Just get this here.
[Chuckles.]
There.
I cut my hat.
[Chuckling.]
Okay.
That needs a trim.
You got a real mop-top happening.
How come I never noticed that before? What? No, um I need to go to the bathroom.
- So bye.
- Hey.
- See you later.
- Wait! Clarence! [Panting.]
No, no, no! [Doorbell rings.]
Huh? Oh, hi, JT.
You made it.
Oh, hey, Ms.
Wendle.
You too.
Um, so, uh - just the front yard, right? - That's right.
And, you know, if it gets too warm, I got a-a puzzle going on in here - and some cold beverages.
- Word.
[Grunts.]
[Lawnmower running.]
Clarence: Mom.
Someone's being really nice - and just mowing our lawn for us.
- Yeah, that's JT.
Wow.
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
Yeah! You don't get me Oh! - Um, hello.
- # You won't forget me # Excuse me! Excuse me! Just like a fighter in - Hello? Dingdong! - Aah! [Lawnmower stops.]
'Sup? - I really like your hair.
- Thanks, little man.
You're welcome.
I'm Clarence.
John Thomas.
- Um, what are you listening to? - Iron Tiger.
Oh.
[Chuckles.]
Cool.
Wait up.
Wha Uh Hol Wait up? - You heard of Iron Tiger? - Well sort of.
Oh, man! You need these way more than me.
Um sure.
- # I'm comin' to getcha, getcha # - Hmm.
Just like a lone wolf on the prowl You will hear me howl Owww! I'm comin' to getcha [Vocalizing.]
# Yeah! # You don't get me So, what do you think? [Chuckles.]
Sounded pretty good to me.
"Pretty good"? You know, Stephanie was all like, "Oh, is Iron Tiger good?" I'm like, "[Scoffs.]
No duh.
Of course it's good.
It's the best.
" Also, I like that one guy who makes all the monkey sounds like [Chattering.]
Oh, Keith Mack? [Guitar riff plays.]
He's the reason I got my rattail.
- It opens all kinds of doors.
- Like car doors? - All kinds.
- Wow.
And if anybody messes with it, they get this.
Hyah! Aah! Huh? Oh.
[Laughs.]
[Chuckles.]
You really get it, don't you, little man? Um, I guess so.
Hey, would you want to come over to my house? Mom! Mom! This is JT, and he's, like, the coolest person ever.
And can you cut my hair like his? Hmm.
All right.
But only for a week.
[Scissors clicking.]
Check that tail, little man.
Oh, my gosh! It looks just like yours! Hey, do you want to see how to draw muscles? Whoa.
[Chuckles.]
Little shading right here.
[Grunts, sighs.]
- Here's a little feast for your eyes.
- Whoa! He's got like a jillion, gillion abs! - So, what else is fun to do? - Mm I know.
Mm-hmm Where you going, hon? - Going out.
- All right.
Uh, uh, JT, can you keep an eye on him? Word.
[Rock music plays.]
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom! Need a ride? Out on the track, hair out the back Bye, Gunner! Love you! Thin as a string or the tail of a rat I don't care what other people think - # I got a 'do that's cooler than a new ice rink # - Huh? - Man: Bring me a number 44.
- Yeah.
Livin' tailer than life Hey, y'all staying clear of school? [Scoffs.]
What do you think? It's JT.
Um, I have never been in a school.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
[Gulps.]
[Music continues.]
- Here, watch this.
- Hmm? How much for this one? [Grunts.]
- Hmm.
- Hmm? - It's on the house.
- [Gasps.]
All right! [Laughs.]
You see, little man? This is the way of the rattail.
Us tailers, we got to look out for each other.
These other ants of society, they just don't get it.
Oh, hi, there.
They're just marching down the anthill of conformity.
They make me sick.
Yeah! Go back to your anthill, you sick man.
Excuse me? I didn't catch you.
You've adapted well.
I knew you wasn't an ant.
Take 'er easy, Clarence.
[Indistinct conversations, school bell rings.]
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
Ow.
Huh? Clarence: Hey, Jeff.
Hi, Clar Wh-Wh-What is that? Eh, it's just my tail.
Pretty cool, huh? - No! It's unsanitary.
- Okay! We are going to be learning about insects today.
Oh.
Uh interesting hair, Clarence.
[Chuckles.]
Are you jealous? [Chuckles.]
Got to show the man my plan, am I right? What? - So, an insect's skeleton is actually on the outside.
- Psst! Brady.
Did you see my hair? - Yoo-hoo! Brady, check it out.
- If this part was the thorax, Brady.
- okay, then what do we call this part - You don't want to miss out on this.
- Earth to Brady.
Look at this.
- Uh, Clarence.
Melany, aren't we all just society's ants? Interesting point, Clarence, but not exactly what I was looking for.
- Yep.
- Um okay, forget that.
Mm.
Got to let the tail breathe.
[Groaning.]
Aah! Ms.
Baker, may I please switch seats? Y-Yeah, o-okay, Jeff.
Uh, why don't you switch with Crendle? It's okay, Jeff.
Not everybody can handle the life of a tailer.
But you know what's up, don't you, Crendle? [Mid-tempo music plays.]
- Doing - Aw! Gross! - Looking pretty cool, huh? Ew! Kickball! Hey, everyone! Kickball! [Indistinct talking.]
Tailers love kickball.
Okay, so, I'm going to pick first.
Psst! Yo.
Hey.
Jeff.
Hey, Jeff.
Number-one tail boy right here.
Breehn.
[Scoffs.]
Breehn.
That's a rookie move.
And I'll take Dustin.
- Mavis.
- Oh.
Mm.
- Okay.
- Nathan: Uh, Guyler.
- What? - Percy.
Um, hello? Standing right here.
- Mm.
Camden.
- Oh.
Uh, all right.
Yeah! Jeff, I'm on your team! Sorry, Clarence.
You can't be on my team.
[Wistful music plays.]
[Scoffs.]
Whatever.
Clarence, you're my best friend, but that thing growing from the back of your head, well, it's changing you, and I don't like it.
Even if you were acting normally which you aren't I'd still be concerned with my team's image.
I'm sorry, but not today.
[Claps.]
[Indistinct talking.]
Ow! Hmm.
[Groans.]
Well, it's been fun, little guy, but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a tailer.
Nathan: Heads-up! [Gasps.]
- Uh, s-sorry! - Clarence? Don't worry.
I-I'm just getting your ball.
No, no, it's fine.
[Chuckles.]
Glad you came to your senses.
Breehn won't stop complaining about his feet.
Why don't you come take his place? Oh.
Okay.
Hmm.
Mm.
Breehn, tag team.
Tagging you out.
[Upbeat rock music plays.]
[Vocalizing.]
I'm sorry, JT.
We had a nice run, you and me, but this this is for your own good.
[Gasps.]
Wha W-Wait! - Goodbye! - My tail! - You're welcome.
- Come back to me! No, no, no, no, no, no! You bozo! I brought you into the rattail life, and this is how you repay me?! - Hy - Aah! [Groans.]
I just, you know [Sighs.]
Everyone else, they're just chitchatting all the time face-to-face, with words, but I need I need this stuff.
I-It just helps, you know? [Sighs.]
Yeah, but my friend Jeff says that what matters is you should just be me.
Maybe, but you're more of a baller, shot-caller than me.
- I need my tail.
- Well maybe this will help.
[Guitar riff plays.]
[Grunts.]
What do you think? [Sighs.]
It looks awesome.
- Why don't people like it? - Listen, little man.
You can't expect anyone to just get the rattail life.
You have to feel it in here and more importantly, here.
Yeah! Yeah! So, how old are you now? You got yourself a little boyfriend, eh? I bet you're breaking a bunch of hearts, huh? They're all lining up to What do they do, hold hands now? It's probably Or you know what? So, guys, Clarence said that he made something for the class today! Um, I made one of these for everyone, so just go ahead and pass them out.
[All groan.]
Guh! Uh, Clarence, is that a is that a box of hair? Yeah.
I made rattails for everyone even one for you, Ms.
Baker.
- Here you go.
- [Shakily.]
Oho! Thank you.
Clarence! No one likes rattails! Nuh-unh.
This way, everyone can try one, and if they don't like it, you can just take it off.
It could be fun.
Uh, well, yeah, I guess it's a little, uh, cool.
Uh, but, seriously, Clarence, you can't - Nathan: How does it look? - What? How does it look? [Laughter.]
[Indistinct talking.]
- No, no, no! It's fine.
It's fine.
- Stop touching me! It's got to Oh, it's tickling me.
- There we go.
- Ohhh.
- I actually look pretty good.
- [Chuckles.]
Word.
Early to bed Early to rise Picking my nose