Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s03e20 Episode Script

- Morning.
- Hi, honey.
Hey, here she is Prettiest freshman on campus.
It's not what she looks like that matters.
It's what she's learning.
Honey, join any clubs yet? I'm not much of a joiner.
I'm a free thinker.
You really should take advantage of those fun extracurricular activities.
Well, of course, Howard, if it doesn't interfere with studies.
There's no limit to what's achieved with hard work and application.
Well, got to go.
College waits for no one.
Honey, aren't you forgetting something? Earrings? Your books.
Oh, those.
Are you still reading Moby dick? You've been carrying that since your first day.
Well, it takes forever to catch that stupid whale.
It was way before motorboats, you know.
What you want is a cat suit.
It's a great base to build your look on.
Match it with a really nice jacket.
You won't meet yourself coming and going.
Sounds great.
You should wear bright colors.
You're a spring, aren't you? How did you know? It's my job.
I have a great selection of scarves to go with that.
I think black for contrast.
Here.
Try this on.
You know, doog I have very mixed feelings about these places.
On the one hand, I feel alienated.
On the other, I'm very attracted to these mannequins.
You ever get that? No.
Janine! Hi, guys.
Hi, baby.
I thought you had class this morning.
I did, but it was canceled.
The professor got sick.
I'm trying to pick out a present for my mom's birthday.
What's in? Why ask me? I don't work here.
I don't know much about clothes.
I have quirky tastes.
I don't know your mother's taste.
She'd like a puppy.
Let's go to the pet store.
You're right.
It works.
The scarf was a real stroke of genius.
Why can't all sales girls be as clever as you? I'm not a sales girl.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Fashion consultant.
Meet me at the jewelry counter.
I bet you're great with accessories.
Baby, I don't know what's going on here, but you can get help.
There's support groups for everything these days.
Vinnie, I work here.
You mean, like, between classes.
I mean instead of classes.
I started going to college, but I felt lost, like I didn't belong there.
And that made me really anxious, so I started shopping to calm myself down, you know, the way I do.
The more I shopped, the more I felt deep, inner peace, like I was back in the womb.
Pretty soon, I was shopping more and going to college less.
The manager noticed me accessorizing and offered me this job.
It's wonderful! I feel I've truly come home.
My mother's going to kill me.
They just made me employee of the month.
Your first college report card and all incompletes.
It's standard carbon blue on off-white computer paper.
No problem.
Add a little coffee for color correction.
Aha! Perfecto! It takes only one stroke of delpino's magic brush.
God, that is really good! Long years of practice.
Long years of practice.
Once we xerox this, the Dean of admissions will be fooled.
Let's see.
Contemporary American literature What do you think you deserve? Well, I did watch all eight hours of lonesome dove.
I'm going to give you "a.
" Thank you.
Hey, you earned it.
O.
K.
, algebra.
What do you say, doog? Think this woman can muster a "b"? This is ridiculous.
Right.
She's horrible with numbers.
Sorry, cupcake, I got to give you "c.
" Try harder next time.
Janine, you can't go on deceiving your parents.
Tell the truth, apologize, and return to school.
I'm so out of place.
I'm not learning.
Everyone sits there taking notes.
I'm just wondering what fabric the professor's jacket is.
Look, you just need to adjust.
Every student has doubts at first.
Did you about becoming a doctor? Do you doubt staying in college? A genius and a filmmaker We're not exactly your typical cross section.
Think about it, Janine.
A college degree is of Paramount importance.
You must see the value of it.
There is my graduation present.
Mom's promised me a complete set of Louis vuitton luggage, including the hatbox.
That's what I love about her She's so in touch with her spiritual side.
Thanks, Janine.
Mrs.
howser, in your experience as a parent, how do you like to hear bad news All at once or in little pieces? It depends on the news.
Say I haven't been to college for a month or two, and I've been working in a clothing store instead Just as an example.
Oh, boy.
I'm in big trouble, aren't I? It hurts to be lied to.
Can you imagine how hurt they'd be if I told them I cared more about fashion than academics? That's a great blouse.
Think it needs a necklace? No.
Wear it plain.
It brings out the contours on your face.
See? That's what I can do, but my mom doesn't understand that.
She's from the old school You know, Betty friedan and Gloria steinem.
Women have rights and power.
It's just so retro.
I'm from that generation, too, Janine, and, as I recall, the women's liberation movement is about choice.
Mom wants me to choose which office I want when I join the firm of Stewart and daughter.
I'm talking about real choice.
Maybe college isn't right for you just now.
I mean, the schoolroom isn't the only place to get an education.
There's a lot you can learn just by experiencing life.
Travel.
Work.
Maybe you need time to find out who you are.
I do feel very confused about a lot of stuff.
I mean, more than usual.
Well, you're 18 years old.
When I was 18, I couldn't decide what to major in.
One week it was French.
The next, it was elementary education.
Janine, I know you'll figure out what's right for you.
Just trust yourself, hmm? If there's anything you need, I'm always here.
I really hate these staff meetings.
If Dr.
Hillard made one more remark about overcrowding in E.
R He made a good point.
Mrs.
howser, I'd like a word with you.
Who appointed you guidance counselor to my daughter? Perhaps we could continue this conversation in my office.
This isn't a conversation.
You can just listen.
Janine is my daughter.
Don't you fill her with ideas about choices and finding herself.
Mrs.
Stewart This doesn't concern you.
I notice your son finished medical school before telling other people's children to drop out.
Look, I didn't intend Don't try backing out now.
Why don't we take this somewhere more private? Because there's nothing left to say.
Mind your own business.
Stay away from my daughter.
Katherine Her eyes blazed with anger like some rampant valkyrie.
Only thing missing was the helmet with horns.
I bet she sleeps in one.
Everybody stopped to listen.
She even snapped at canfield.
Mom was totally humiliated.
You know, I feel responsible for this, Janine being my girlfriend and all.
That's a feeling worth exploring.
And listen to this.
She gets right up in mom's face and says, "I notice your son finished medical school before telling other people's children to drop out.
" Well, thank you, doogie.
I was wondering how to explain what happened.
Mrs.
Stewart's a very condemning woman.
She doesn't even like me.
You can see how twisted her values are.
Well, Katherine, I trust this lesson isn't lost on you.
What lesson? Janine had a problem and asked for my advice.
I gave it to her.
What's so wrong with that? Just that she's got Mr.
and Mrs.
Mussolini for parents.
Vincent.
Sorry.
I don't even know the mussolinis.
They might have been delightful people.
It is fatal to interfere in another family's affairs.
Doogie, do you think I was out of line? Yeah, mom, I do.
Really? It didn't seem like the wrong thing at the time.
Sweetheart, there's no need to dwell on it.
We all make mistakes.
It's over now.
Well, I'm here.
What are you doing? I'm fed up trying to make my parents understand.
I refuse to stay in their house.
I don't think your mother wants you here.
Are you kidding? This was her idea.
It was? Last thing she said was, "if Katherine howser knows so much, why don't you go live with her?" So here I am.
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy said, "uh-oh, I'm over the limit on my credit card," and this little piggy said, "so, declare bankruptcy and start all over again.
" Oh.
And this little piggy's a rugged individualist.
He wants to be a different color.
Any preference, cupcake? I don't care.
You choose.
Oh, this has really taken it out of you, hasn't it? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm? What do you say, Dr.
h.
, mountain Heather or jelly-bean pink? Heh.
Must you do that in here, Vincent? Mrs.
h.
Told Janine to try relaxing, and the smell of nail Polish tranquilizes her nerves.
Well, it's giving me a headache.
I know it gets a little crowded around here.
You only have yourself to blame.
How's that? If you weren't such understanding parents, you wouldn't have so many house guests.
Your home's a mecca for troubled upper-middle-class teens.
Heh.
That's very gratifying, Vincent.
Maybe we should let Dr.
howser have a little privacy, Vinnie.
He looks like he's at the end of his rope.
Janine, trust me.
It's a very long rope.
I've helped him slide to the end of it many times.
See, underneath, he's loving this.
It gives him the chance to play the patriarch.
So, Dr.
h.
! What? The color.
I don't want to commit without your approval.
Jelly-bean pink.
If Mrs.
h.
Is firing up the old cappuccino machine, count us in.
You know, if you have termites in your house, you can call someone.
If you have burglars, you can call someone.
If you have burglars, you can shoot them.
David, she won't be here forever.
You have something to add, doogie? Janine sinks her teeth into crises.
When it comes to trauma, she's a pit bull.
Vinnie's not much help.
He's doing a bang-up job on her toenails.
You're both so smug.
Not everybody has an ambition that starts in the playpen.
You're accusing our son of being a snob? And you, too, dad.
Janine is going through a perfectly normal adolescent process of deciding who she is and what she wants.
Can't you respect that? She has completely sucked you in.
What do you mean? I've seen her do it a hundred times.
Look at Vinnie.
She practically invented feminine wiles.
I can't believe you said that.
That may be sexist, but I know Janine.
She's flighty.
She's indecisive.
She hates taking tests because she gets icky ink smudges on her fingers.
You're not doing her a favor letting her wallow in her laziness.
Really? What do you suggest? Someone should go in there and tell her to shape up, and I think that someone should be you.
Doog! Doog! Come quick.
Janine's sick.
All right, Janine, where's the pain? In my stomach.
Sit back.
Sit back.
Where does it hurt you? Wow.
I never thought I'd get an illness that's caused by stress.
Congratulations.
Welcome to the adult world.
How does it happen exactly? The body has a natural equilibrium.
Emotional disturbances can disrupt it as surely as physical injuries.
You've had these pains a month or so? On and off.
My stomach feels like it's in one big knot.
Janine, I've been really insensitive to you.
I didn't appreciate what you were going through.
My mom's been a better friend to you than I have, and I'm really, really sorry.
This where you say I'm dying? No.
This is where I administer the first part of your treatment.
Just relax.
I'm going to pull Vinnie down from the walls.
It's o.
K.
It's nothing serious.
She's going to be fine.
You sure? Where is Janine? She's all right.
The x-rays showed no signs of ulcer, perforation, or obstruction.
So what is it? She's suffering from a functional disorder, probably irritable-bowel syndrome.
I was telling Janine her condition is often aggravated by stress.
I hope you're pleased.
This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't offered Janine your advice.
I didn't create that girl's problems.
Janine is my child.
Janine's not a child.
If she'd been 8, I'd have sent her home, but she's an adult.
Your rights as a parent don't preclude my right to be a friend.
Your daughter's undergoing a great deal of turmoil.
It took my wife to open my eyes to it.
It's making Janine sick.
If you can't listen to what she's telling you, at least pay attention to what her body's saying.
Perfect, now they're both telling us how to raise our daughter.
Mom, please.
Stop arguing.
Honey, don't worry.
We'll forget this ever happened.
We'll put you back in school.
But I hate school.
I won't get into this again.
Watch yourself! Clear the way! What have we got? Extensive head injuries.
No blood pressure.
Full cardio-respiratory arrest.
We've been doing cpr for 30 minutes.
What's the monitor showing? No pulse.
She's fibrillating.
Draw a bolus of Lidocaine.
Adrenaline.
Stat.
Let me take over.
Let's defib her.
It's all set up.
Ready whenever you are.
O.
K.
, let's go.
Dr.
Craig's on the line.
Get him down here.
Clear.
We got a call.
Our daughter Please, wait outside.
Oh, god.
Oh, Sandra.
Please, my baby.
No! My baby! Nothing.
Give her some bicarb.
Flat line.
Clear.
Nothing.
Bicarb is in.
Come on.
Come on.
Give me another catheter.
Come on.
Come on.
Drop another Lidocaine.
Standing by.
We're getting no pressure.
Pupils fixed and dilated.
Come on.
Time of death 10:52.
I'll talk to the family.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice store.
You've never been here before? You know me.
I don't shop.
But this really isn't bad.
Can I help you? I'm going to court next week.
I'm looking for a suit to make an impression.
What kind of case? Divorce.
Very messy.
The guy's a swine.
Cheated on his wife, stole his children's inheritance, moved in with some lingerie model.
So you really want to nail him? No, I'm defending him.
Oh.
Well, then, I guess you'll need something really, really Sincere, a little feminine, maybe even Lace.
That's different.
I like it.
Want to try it on? Uh, bring it home with you tonight.
Is there a coffee shop someplace nearby? There's one next door.
Want to join me? Sure.
I can take a break.
I mean, can't let your career run your life.
Come on.