Empty Nest (1988) s03e20 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery One by one, we fill the days We find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on - Hi, Charley.
- Hi.
No, it's not worth the trouble.
- Charley, you seem down.
- Yeah, I'm blue.
Charley, I never knew you got depressed.
That's wonderful.
I guess the last time I felt this low was when a date canceled on me.
What happened this time? A date canceled on me.
So any of you interested in keeping the old dietzter company tonight, hmm? Oh, we'd love to, Charley, but - We have plans.
- We have plans.
It's right here in my date book.
- Oh.
What are you guys doing? - We we have plans to go to sea world tonight.
Sea world? I didn't know they were open at night.
Oh, yeah, it's half price, 'cause the fish are sleeping.
Oh.
Okay.
Say hello to shamu for me.
No, don't wake him.
Boy, there's got to be somebody willing to be with me on my birthday.
It's Charley's birthday, and he's alone? Oh, no wonder he's so depressed.
I feel terrible about lying to him.
Oh, daddy, we got to get him a present.
What does Charley like? I know Swedish women! I'm not chipping in for that.
What if we throw him a surprise party? That's not a bad idea.
Carol I'd rather expose myself in a lumber camp.
We know.
Carol, come on, it's his birthday.
Nobody likes to be alone on their birthday.
You're right about that, daddy.
I was alone on my 28th birthday.
Remember? I'll never forget that.
I can still see myself placing a solitary candle in a tiny, little cupcake, lighting it, closing my eyes, making a wish.
But alas, my wish didn't come true, for when I opened my eyes, I was still alone.
No wonder.
You're right, daddy.
A surprise party would be wonderful.
I know let's go with a French theme.
Why? Because my birthday falls on the anniversary of the French revolution.
But, Carol, sweetheart, uh, this party isn't for you.
It's for Charley.
Are you saying you love Charley more than you love me, daddy? Do the French thing.
- Thank you, daddy! - Oh Voila! The bastille in potato salad.
And they said it couldn't be done.
They didn't say it couldn't be done.
They said, "don't do it.
" Ah, well, listen, I finished all the calls.
- Any luck? - Well, I'm not sure.
There seems to be a connection between the people who know Charley best and the people who hung up the fastest.
What the hell is that? Silly daddy, that's the bastille.
Aha! That's pfft.
Anyway, look, the point is now I'm gonna go pick up Charley, take him to the restaurant, have dinner, and be back here 8:00 sharp.
When we all jump up and yell "surprise"! Surprise, Barbara.
Carol, we are not yelling it in French! Tell her daddy! No, daddy! Tell her! Barbara, play nice with your sister.
Carol, sois gentille avec ta soeur! Oui, papa.
I got to hand it to you, Harry.
These all-you-can-eat places are great.
This isn't one of those places.
And don't think I don't appreciate it, buddy you know, the idea of being all alone.
On my 35th birthday was kind of depressing.
Oh, I didn't realize this was your 35th birthday.
Charley, that's kind of a turning point.
I guess it is.
Hey, you know, I remember when I turned 35.
Libby was pregnant with Emily, and Barbara and Carol were in elementary school and hey, Harry, let's, uh, keep the focus on me tonight, okay? All right.
Come on.
Fair enough.
Charley, tell me, what would you say was your best year? - Hmm.
When I was 15.
- Why? I lost my virginity in a Ferris wheel.
Afterwards, I tried again and again to recapture the magic of that moment and was actually amazingly successful.
Ah, but tell me this, though, Charley.
In your 35 years, what would you say is your single biggest regret? That I never did it in the house of mirrors.
Wait a minute.
I did do it there.
No regrets.
Charley, come on, we've all done something we wish that we'd done differently.
Well There was this, uh One time.
Yeah? Nothing.
Oh.
Oh, 12 to 8:00.
Oh, boy, that was a real good meal.
Okay, I'm ready to go home.
Oh, come on, Harry, it's my birthday.
The night's young.
Let's do something else.
Okay, no problem, but, uh, we got to stop at my place first.
- Why? - Why? I forgot something.
- What? - What? My after-dinner pants.
You see you see, after, like, a really good meal, I like to slip into something you know, a little more comfortable.
You know, pants-wise.
Okay, let's Let's get your pants.
Okay.
All right, attention.
Attention, everyone! It's almost 8:00.
My father and Charley will be here any minute, so I'm gonna show you one more time what we're going to do, okay? Un, deux, trois.
All: Surprise! I hate you so much.
Okay, everybody, that's it.
Hide behind the couches.
Ready? All: Surprise! Ooh, you scared the parlez-vous out of me.
Laverne, we weren't expecting you.
Where's your daddy? We were supposed to go over the billin' tonight.
Oh, he must've forgotten.
We got carried away with the surprise party for Charley.
Party? I love parties.
You send me a card that says and I swing, mama.
However, it looks like this one could use a tag on its toe.
- Uh, when do we eat? - Just keep your beret on.
The food is coming.
All right, everybody.
Here's the moment you've all been waiting for.
Voila! It's the bastille in potato salad! Oh, this party's a stinker, all right.
Charley, are you okay? You know, Harry, back the restaurant when you asked me if I had any regrets, I wasn't being completely honest with you.
Oh.
Whoa, whoa! Look, student driver.
I wouldn't get so close to him, Charley.
Yeah, I do have a regret, a big one.
I guess you could call it "the girl who got away.
" It's been six years, but sometimes I still Park it or drive it, granny! Anyway, her name's Elaine Sanders.
She's not like the other girls I dated.
She was sweet and innocent.
She loved me, Harry, and I loved her.
What happened? I dumped her.
I got scared, Harry.
You know, looking back on it, letting her get away has got to be the biggest regret of my life.
Well, maybe we can finish talking about this back at the house.
We're almost there.
Look out at up ahead.
There's a pothole around here somewhere.
That was it.
That was the one.
Alouette, je te plumerai je te plumerai la tete Yes! Very good! Et la tete - et la tete okay, that's them! They just hit the pothole! Everybody hide! Harry, I can't believe I let Elaine get away.
Damn.
I just want to drive right into a brick wall.
No air bag, huh? You know what? I'm gonna track her down and see if there still can't be something between us.
That's a good idea, Charley.
You should do that sometime.
Forget sometime, Harry.
We're finding her tonight.
Hey, Charley! Hey, they're driving away Right over the pothole again.
Well, don't worry about it.
They'll be back.
All right, gather round.
Gather round, everybody.
It's time for our Edith piaf discussion group.
- Let's go.
- No, no.
Wait a second.
Charley will be back any minute.
Now, it's his birthday, and you're his friend.
No.
No, I'm not.
I've been trying to track him down for six months.
He owes me money.
Hey, he owes me money too.
Just out of curiosity, how many of you are here because you're Charley's friends? How many of you are here because he owes you money? - Let's go.
- Hold it! Nobody's going nowhere, now.
You just give me a minute, and I'll have this party jumpin' like, uh, what's them What's them beans from Mexico? - Mexican jumping beans! - No, that ain't it.
You just give me a minute, and I'll have this party jumpin' up and down like You know, what's them sticks you jump up and down? - Pogo sticks.
- No, that ain't it either.
But you you just hold on.
I'll go home and get my surefire party savers, and you keep them occupied till I get back.
Uh, hey, everybody, you want to see dreyfuss do some really neat tricks? Watch this.
Dreyfuss, roll over! Sit up! Beg! Fetch! Isn't this great? He doesn't do anything! This is gonna be great to see Elaine again.
Come on, Charley.
It's it's 8:20.
I really think we should be getting back to my house.
Harry, that can wait.
Well, actually, no, it can't.
I have a pill I take every night at exactly 8:20.
It's called it's My 8:20 pill.
Well, if it was so important, why didn't you bring it with you? I had it in the pocket of my after-dinner pants! Look, I'll take you home just as soon as I find Elaine.
This is gonna be so great.
We'll start dating again.
We'll probably get married, and we'll have some kids.
Come on.
Charley, Charley, it's been six years.
She probably has someone else in her life.
Listen, she could be married.
Six years is a very long time.
Come on, let's go.
We go home.
Uhuh.
She doesn't seem to be living here anymore.
That's exactly what I said.
Come on, Charley, let's go.
We're gonna go home.
Oh, what the hell? I'll just push all the buttons.
I'm sure somebody will remember her.
Hey, pops.
You the wise guy pressing all the buttons? It didn't Come on uh, Charley.
He didn't mean anything by it.
Listen, we're looking for a woman who used to live here.
Well, I've been the manager here a long time.
I know everyone who's come through this building.
- Her name's Elaine Sanders.
- Don't know her.
That is, I don't think I know her.
He wants a bribe, Harry.
Oh.
Thanks.
Elaine Sanders, huh? That's a nice girl Bright, attractive, sweet.
Never could understand why there wasn't a man in her life.
Oh, I knew it.
She loved me, and she never got over me.
You see, Harry? Now we got to find her.
Charley, this proves nothing.
Come on, you're setting yourself up for a very big letdown.
Come on! We got to get home! Don't mind him.
He hasn't had his 8:20 pill.
Why didn't you bring it with you? Do you know where she is now? Oh, jeez, memory plays funny tricks.
Harry.
Well, when she moved out, she was managing a store in the palm grove mall.
Oh, you hear that, Harry? Come on, let's go.
Wait a minute.
Charley, come on.
There's got to be - Which one? - Oh, I don't remember.
Thanks.
But I really don't remember.
Come on, Charley! And now, ladies and gentlemen All: Ooh! As you can see I have sawed Carol Weston completely in half! Laverne.
Laverne.
I'm I'm a little uncomfortable.
Could you put me back together now, please? Just hold your horses.
You didn't hear the rabbit complainin'.
I just talked to daddy, and there's been a complication.
But he's gonna try to get Charley here as soon as he can.
How long can you entertain them? Well, I don't know.
I mean, you told me they'd be here by now, and I went and did my best trick already.
Of course, I could always fall back on hypnotism.
- You can hypnotize people? - Oh, yeah.
I can make them cluck like a chicken, dance around like their pants are on fire.
Can you hypnotize them into having a good time? Why, no.
You can't make them do anything they ordinarily wouldn't.
- I'm out of here.
- Yeah, me too.
Wait! Now, I know most of you don't care for Charley, but I think we have to push those petty thoughts aside, because tonight is ultimately about an issue much bigger than that Me My needs.
And I'm not talking about the fact that the potato salad didn't move as quickly as I had hoped, although that is a knife in my heart.
- I liked the potato salad.
- Don't patronize me! Anyway, I think there's something you should know about me.
I'm a tad vulnerable.
So when you walk out of this party, it's as though you were abandoning me.
You see, I'm the adult child of a doctor.
So my needs were constantly being neglected in favor Where are you taking me? Anyway, I never really developed coping mechanisms.
Come on, Charley, this is nuts! This is Enough is enough here! Come on, we must've been through a half the stores in this mall.
That's it.
We're going home! Boy, you don't take your 8:20 pill, and you get grouchy.
Excuse me, does Elaine Sanders work here? It's hard to say what I know, with my rent past due and no more cigarettes.
I think she wants a bribe, Harry.
I think she wants a cough drop.
I don't take bribes, but I do work on commission.
- I'll take one of these.
- Great.
- Charley, I-i don't - Not now.
Fine, here.
Here you go.
So? Yeah, I know Elaine Sanders.
But I guess everyone knows an Elaine Sanders.
What the hell does that mean? - But does she work here? - She did until Tuesday.
Just picked up and quit she didn't even clean off her desk.
Harry, I gave this to her the night of our last date.
She was crazy about that little unicorn.
I couldn't believe she didn't take it with her.
But she said she had to leave that and a lot of other things behind.
You see, Harry? There still is hope.
Now, I just got to find her and let her know I still care.
Charley, don't don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
We're gonna find her.
We're gonna find her.
You have a phone number? Maybe I do, and maybe I don't.
I'll take the birdcage.
I don't think you're gonna make that light, Charley.
You're not gonna make that light, Charley! You didn't make that light, Charley! Harry, her plane leaves in five minutes, and I told you what her roommate said When she gets to London, she gets on a train to who knows where.
I still think you could drive a little more carefully.
Why? If I miss her, I have no reason to live.
Has, uh, flight 26 for Heathrow departed yet? Oh, yes, quite! There it goes now, way up in the sky, singing, "tweet, tweet, tweet.
Little bird am I.
" Oh, no! Charley, Charley, Charley.
Wait a minute.
We don't know for sure that she's on that plane.
I mean, maybe Elaine missed it.
Maybe maybe she changed her mind.
You think so, Harry? We're gonna find out.
Please, please, this is important.
Check to see if a named Elaine Sanders is on flight 26.
Now, now, that's privileged information, that is.
Can't go giving that away, now, can I? - Both: He wants a bribe.
- Yeah.
Hello.
Elaine Sanders Row 14, seat c.
Sorry, Charles.
Elaine! I'm never gonna see her again, Harry.
Charley, it's gonna be all right.
Some 35th birthday.
I've been searching all night, and This is all I have to show for it.
I don't know that that's true, Charley.
What do you mean? Well, maybe Elaine is gone, but something tells me that you were looking for more than just Elaine tonight.
How's that? Charley, now, for most of your life, you've dated nothing but How can I phrase this? Bimbos.
Yeah? But tonight I get the feeling that you're ready for someone who means more to you than that.
Yeah? A real relationship, someone you can love.
Yeah.
And I got to believe that when someone comes along who's right for you, and she will, you won't let her get away.
Maybe you're right.
You know, Charley, most people grow older, but they never grow up and tonight I think you did a little bit of both.
You mean it? I mean it.
Great.
Then let's go to my surprise party.
Okay, come in.
Surprise!