Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e20 Episode Script
Clash of the Jokers
hello, males and females.
We're coming at you today from flatiron hall in new york city.
We're coming at you today from flatiron hall in new york city.
thanks for joining us for our Flatiron hall in new york city.
thanks for joining us for our very special joker showdown thanks for joining us for our very special joker showdown edition of "impractical jokers.
" Very special joker showdown edition of "impractical jokers.
" this is all never-before-seen Edition of "impractical jokers.
" this is all never-before-seen footage where we go this is all never-before-seen footage where we go head-to-head.
Footage where we go head-to-head.
or nose-to-nose.
Head-to-head.
or nose-to-nose.
[ ding! .]
or nose-to-nose.
[ ding! .]
let's do it! [ ding! .]
let's do it! prepare for something Let's do it! prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you! thanks for joining us on thank you! thanks for joining us on "impractical jokers.
" thanks for joining us on "impractical jokers.
" you know, some of our favorite "impractical jokers.
" you know, some of our favorite challenges are the ones where we You know, some of our favorite challenges are the ones where we go head-to-head.
Challenges are the ones where we go head-to-head.
that's right.
Go head-to-head.
that's right.
Normally, one of us goes out and that's right.
Normally, one of us goes out and three stay back.
Normally, one of us goes out and three stay back.
When we go head-to-head, man, it Three stay back.
When we go head-to-head, man, it is something special.
When we go head-to-head, man, it is something special.
there's, like, two of us out Is something special.
there's, like, two of us out there.
there's, like, two of us out there.
Like two great white sharks, There.
Like two great white sharks, chomping and biting each other.
Like two great white sharks, chomping and biting each other.
Like angry cod, just Chomping and biting each other.
Like angry cod, just rar! Rar! Rar! Like angry cod, just rar! Rar! Rar! cods? Rar! Rar! Rar! cods? cods are angry.
cods? cods are angry.
all right.
cods are angry.
all right.
Check out this clip of two cods all right.
Check out this clip of two cods going at it.
Check out this clip of two cods going at it.
[ laughter .]
Going at it.
[ laughter .]
how many times do we have to [ laughter .]
how many times do we have to tell you to focus, people? how many times do we have to tell you to focus, people? today, one of us will be Tell you to focus, people? today, one of us will be moderating a focus group today, one of us will be moderating a focus group and the other will be Moderating a focus group and the other will be participating in that same and the other will be participating in that same group.
now, the participant has to answer all the questions on his Answer all the questions on his survey.
Survey.
The thing is, his completely The thing is, his completely embarrassing answers have been Embarrassing answers have been written by the moderator.
Written by the moderator.
if you can't read every if you can't read every answer in its entirety, you Answer in its entirety, you lose.
Lose.
did you get all that? did you get all that? Because there's a lot.
Because there's a lot.
that's why I told you to that's why I told you to focus.
look at joe, sitting in there alone, yet still in character.
I don't think he's in Alone, yet still in character.
I don't think he's in character.
I don't think he's in character.
I think he showed up today sort Character.
I think he showed up today sort of cranky.
I think he showed up today sort of cranky.
don't start that.
Of cranky.
don't start that.
look, see? don't start that.
look, see? He showed up a little cranky look, see? He showed up a little cranky today.
hello.
How's it going? How's it going? Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.
look at this douche that just look at this douche that just walked in.
Walked in.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they're in a focus group.
They're in a focus group.
Joe is playing the moderator.
Joe is playing the moderator.
murr is pretending to be just murr is pretending to be just a dude off the street.
A dude off the street.
joe has written murray's joe has written murray's answers.
Answers.
Murray has never seen them.
Murray has never seen them.
let's start, just yes or no, let's start, just yes or no, do you use smart phone in order Do you use smart phone in order to get directions? To get directions? Who said yes, they used? Who said yes, they used? Everyone.
Everyone.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right.
All right.
What do you use the internet for What do you use the internet for most? Most? James? James? here we go.
here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
I wrote, "selling my novelty I wrote, "selling my novelty sculptures.
" Sculptures.
" I'm a sculptor, and I make clay I'm a sculptor, and I make clay clay aikens.
Clay aikens.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you make clay clay aikens? you make clay clay aikens? yeah.
yeah.
I sell them on online stores.
I sell them on online stores.
On ebay, auction sites.
On ebay, auction sites.
And it used to be more popular, And it used to be more popular, back in the day when clay aiken Back in the day when clay aiken was Was more relevant.
more relevant.
At his prime.
At his prime.
But I still make a pretty penny But I still make a pretty penny from the clay clay aikens.
From the clay clay aikens.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do you participate in any do you participate in any organized or recreational Organized or recreational sports? Sports? basketball.
basketball.
basketball.
basketball.
Very nice.
Very nice.
And how about you? And how about you? Do you do any? Do you do any? not recently.
not recently.
no? Nothing recently, okay.
no? Nothing recently, okay.
Great.
Great.
Yeah, james? Yeah, james? I'm in an adult I'm in an adult duck-duck-goose league.
Duck-duck-goose league.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
could you elaborate? could you elaborate? nice one, joey.
nice one, joey.
it's basically a collection it's basically a collection of adults, mostly men, who get Of adults, mostly men, who get together to play some of their Together to play some of their favorite childhood games, in Favorite childhood games, in particular, duck-duck-goose.
Particular, duck-duck-goose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that sounds interesting.
that sounds interesting.
Is that here in manhattan? Is that here in manhattan? no.
no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It's out in the boroughs.
It's out in the boroughs.
in the boroughs, okay.
in the boroughs, okay.
we've been trying to get a we've been trying to get a manhattan league together, but Manhattan league together, but it's a little harder.
It's a little harder.
murray brought his "a" game murray brought his "a" game today.
Today.
follow-up question, then, for follow-up question, then, for that.
That.
Would you say you're a sports Would you say you're a sports fan? Fan? I wrote, "no, my parents I wrote, "no, my parents dressed me as a girl till I was Dressed me as a girl till I was My mother had mental issues.
" My mother had mental issues.
" [ laughter .]
so, not a sports fan.
Not a sports Not a sports oh, my god.
oh, my god.
now let's talk a little bit now let's talk a little bit about pharmaceuticals.
About pharmaceuticals.
Have you ever had a side effect Have you ever had a side effect from an over-the-counter drug? From an over-the-counter drug? no.
no.
no.
no.
I bet someone has.
I bet someone has.
I can't wait to see what I can't wait to see what murray's answer is.
Murray's answer is.
james, have you ever had a james, have you ever had a side effect? Side effect? I've had itchy ass [bleep.]
I've had itchy ass [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
as a side effect to an as a side effect to an over-the-counter drug? Over-the-counter drug? yes.
yes.
was it a pill you were was it a pill you were taking? Taking? yes.
yes.
It was just a headache medicine.
It was just a headache medicine.
And it gave me itchy ass [bleep.]
And it gave me itchy ass [bleep.]
oh, my goodness.
oh, my goodness.
wow.
wow.
This is like watching a tennis This is like watching a tennis match between two pros.
Match between two pros.
name three things that are on name three things that are on your grocery list.
Your grocery list.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
look at joe's face.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
when you go grocery shopping.
when you go grocery shopping.
Any three things.
Any three things.
I-I-I-I heard the question.
I-I-I-I heard the question.
I got the question.
I got the question.
[ laughter .]
I left that one blank.
oh, you did? oh, you did? I did.
I did.
left that one blank, okay.
left that one blank, okay.
Well, we're all wrapped up here, Well, we're all wrapped up here, folks.
Folks.
hard core, joey.
hard core, joey.
wow, murr.
wow, murr.
oh, really? oh, really? yeah.
yeah.
The line you wanted me to say The line you wanted me to say was, "I live alone, so yogurt, Was, "I live alone, so yogurt, ham, and tampons.
" Ham, and tampons.
" yeah, that's right.
yeah, that's right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
how's that itchy ass [bleep.]
how's that itchy ass [bleep.]
it's not too bad.
it's not too bad.
It's much better.
It's much better.
It's cleared up nicely.
It's cleared up nicely.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I think that q and I also I think that q and I also went this day.
Went this day.
yeah.
yeah.
let's take a look at that.
let's take a look at that.
hey, everybody.
hey, everybody.
How you doing? How you doing? Just take a seat.
Just take a seat.
I feel like the hair on q's I feel like the hair on q's face is just growing Face is just growing into his head.
into his head.
He looks like "teen wolf.
" He looks like "teen wolf.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, let's start with you, so, let's start with you, gale.
Gale.
Favorite type of food? Favorite type of food? american.
american.
american.
american.
Basic american fare.
Basic american fare.
Brian? Brian? yep.
yep.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I just go around and I try out I just go around and I try out new restaurants.
New restaurants.
All those weird ethnic foods.
All those weird ethnic foods.
we got it.
we got it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
where do you get most of your Where do you get most of your food? Food? restaurants.
restaurants.
restaurants.
restaurants.
Okay, brian? Okay, brian? yes? yes? where do you get most of your where do you get most of your food? Food? Restaurant, grocery, online, or Restaurant, grocery, online, or other? Other? What did you write down? What did you write down? well, I wrote that I'm on a well, I wrote that I'm on a lot of medication, so I can't Lot of medication, so I can't really hold anything down.
Really hold anything down.
Like, a lot of medications, Like, a lot of medications, so So Currently.
Currently.
So right now, wherever I can get So right now, wherever I can get it.
It.
so, where do you get most of so, where do you get most of your food? Your food? the supermarket.
the supermarket.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, how do you guys pay for oh, how do you guys pay for groceries when you do shop? Groceries when you do shop? Cash, credit, debit, other? Cash, credit, debit, other? credit.
credit.
brian? brian? oh.
oh.
Oh, I guess I didn't understand Oh, I guess I didn't understand it, 'cause I wrote, "in grammar It, 'cause I wrote, "in grammar school, my friend jaz always School, my friend jaz always had, like, the best, newest Had, like, the best, newest candies.
Candies.
And I used to touch his jeans And I used to touch his jeans and he'd give me some.
" And he'd give me some.
" so, I didn't So, I didn't Yeah.
Yeah.
oh, you are a weirdo.
oh, you are a weirdo.
oh, man.
oh, man.
that's how you u pay for your that's how you u pay for your groceries? Groceries? That's not the question.
That's not the question.
Like, nowadays.
Like, nowadays.
yeah.
yeah.
Re-reading the question, I Re-reading the question, I would say cash.
Would say cash.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
on a lazy afternoon, what's on a lazy afternoon, what's your preferred activity? Your preferred activity? We'll start from the right.
We'll start from the right.
I like going to the movies.
I like going to the movies.
going to the movies.
going to the movies.
You're a moviegoer.
You're a moviegoer.
Okay.
Okay.
Brian, same question.
Brian, same question.
I wrote I wrote I wrote, "I prank-call my mom.
" I wrote, "I prank-call my mom.
" okay.
okay.
"you're gonna suffer!" "you're gonna suffer!" and then I hang up.
And then I hang up.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Sal's just making it more Sal's just making it more awkward with the look.
Awkward with the look.
and that's what you do all and that's what you do all afternoon? Afternoon? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it really ramps it up for it really ramps it up for her, the fifth time you call.
Her, the fifth time you call.
all right, all right.
all right, all right.
Don't touch gale.
Don't touch gale.
All right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
last question, guys.
Last question, guys.
Name three things you watch on Name three things you watch on tv.
Tv.
oh, I wrote oh, I wrote [bleep.]
all y'all.
[bleep.]
all y'all.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's what I wrote.
That's what I wrote.
I just want to make sure I I just want to make sure I heard that right.
Heard that right.
right.
right.
so, your favorite genre of so, your favorite genre of television programming is Television programming is [bleep.]
y'all.
[bleep.]
y'all.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he got it.
he got it.
All right.
Well done, q.
All right.
Well done, q.
q wins it.
Well done, q.
q wins it.
[ all groan .]
q wins it.
[ all groan .]
you made me look so crazy [ all groan .]
you made me look so crazy that I could go anywhere.
you made me look so crazy that I could go anywhere.
You shot yourself in the foot.
That I could go anywhere.
You shot yourself in the foot.
I overdid it.
You shot yourself in the foot.
I overdid it.
I remember writing that for I overdid it.
I remember writing that for you, and the joy coming out of I remember writing that for you, and the joy coming out of me when I wrote that you had a You, and the joy coming out of me when I wrote that you had a friend named jaz, and you would Me when I wrote that you had a friend named jaz, and you would touch his jeans and he would Friend named jaz, and you would touch his jeans and he would give you all the sweetest Touch his jeans and he would give you all the sweetest candies.
Give you all the sweetest candies.
That is the strangest thing I've Candies.
That is the strangest thing I've ever thought of.
That is the strangest thing I've ever thought of.
We got some more.
Ever thought of.
We got some more.
And if you don't like it, We got some more.
And if you don't like it, something's wrong with you And if you don't like it, something's wrong with you personally.
Something's wrong with you personally.
Let's have a look.
Personally.
Let's have a look.
we're here at the Let's have a look.
we're here at the brooklyn cyclones baseball game we're here at the brooklyn cyclones baseball game pitching new mascots to fans.
Brooklyn cyclones baseball game pitching new mascots to fans.
we'll be going head-to-head Pitching new mascots to fans.
we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, trying to we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, trying to convince fans that our mascot is Tournament style, trying to convince fans that our mascot is the best.
Convince fans that our mascot is the best.
the catch is that we won't The best.
the catch is that we won't know what the mascots are until the catch is that we won't know what the mascots are until we show them.
if you can't get the fan to pick your mascot, you're out! Pick your mascot, you're out! You lose, is what I'm saying.
You lose, is what I'm saying.
You'll lose.
You'll lose.
have you ever seen baseball? all right, fellas.
Brooklyn cyclones need a new Brooklyn cyclones need a new mascot.
Mascot.
you're going down, clown.
you're going down, clown.
guys, I'm very happy with the guys, I'm very happy with the way that your mascots came out, Way that your mascots came out, my friends.
My friends.
we're presenting new mascot we're presenting new mascot options to the cyclones this Options to the cyclones this year.
Year.
okay.
okay.
so, I have here gary the so, I have here gary the gluten-free pizza Gluten-free pizza Who is a slice of pizza that's Who is a slice of pizza that's all the fun and none of the All the fun and none of the gluten.
Gluten.
This pizza could be running This pizza could be running around this whole stadium, Around this whole stadium, throwing pepperoni at people, Throwing pepperoni at people, hitting them with mushrooms.
Hitting them with mushrooms.
well, what I have here is well, what I have here is elliot Elliot Elliot the effeminate shark.
Elliot the effeminate shark.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Okay.
[ feminine voice .]
here's me, right? [ feminine voice .]
here's me, right? We're gonna take a big, juicy Right? We're gonna take a big, juicy bite out of the other team's We're gonna take a big, juicy bite out of the other team's behind.
Bite out of the other team's behind.
well, my guy's like, Behind.
well, my guy's like, [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's well, my guy's like, [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's me, gary the gluten-free pizza! [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's me, gary the gluten-free pizza! so stupid.
Me, gary the gluten-free pizza! so stupid.
no, but here I come from the so stupid.
no, but here I come from the sea now! no, but here I come from the sea now! Like, duh-na, duh-na Sea now! Like, duh-na, duh-na Chompy, chompy! Like, duh-na, duh-na Chompy, chompy! [ normal voice .]
you're not Chompy, chompy! [ normal voice .]
you're not making a good case for yourself.
[ normal voice .]
you're not making a good case for yourself.
So, out of those two, who do you Making a good case for yourself.
So, out of those two, who do you think? So, out of those two, who do you think? you don't have any other Think? you don't have any other options? you don't have any other options? these are our two options.
Options? these are our two options.
If you had to pick one between these are our two options.
If you had to pick one between these two, which one would you If you had to pick one between these two, which one would you like better? These two, which one would you like better? it's gary.
Like better? it's gary.
together: Oh! it's gary.
together: Oh! [ laughter .]
together: Oh! [ laughter .]
[ high-pitched voice .]
I did [ laughter .]
[ high-pitched voice .]
I did it, buddy! [ high-pitched voice .]
I did it, buddy! I won! It, buddy! I won! [ ding! .]
I won! [ ding! .]
that's what the fans want.
hey, sal.
So, welcome down to the big So, welcome down to the big game.
Game.
yes.
yes.
With q versus murr in a With q versus murr in a mascot v.
Mascot showdown.
Mascot v.
Mascot showdown.
you know nothing about -- you know nothing about -- all I know is you're supposed all I know is you're supposed to put your hand here and move To put your hand here and move your head a lot.
Your head a lot.
he knows nothing about he knows nothing about sports.
Sports.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
how about that draft pick how about that draft pick from last season? From last season? which one? which one? that one they did there.
that one they did there.
for who? What team? for who? What team? the, you know, the falcons.
the, you know, the falcons.
Pick a bird.
Pick a bird.
The eagles, the falcons, The eagles, the falcons, whatever you want to do.
Whatever you want to do.
Pick a bird.
Pick a bird.
pick a bird.
pick a bird.
sir, can we get one second of sir, can we get one second of your time? Your time? Our designs are gonna be chosen Our designs are gonna be chosen for the next mascot for the For the next mascot for the cyclones.
Cyclones.
But we need somebody to vote on But we need somebody to vote on who's who.
Who's who.
So we figured, maybe, would you So we figured, maybe, would you mind helping us out? Mind helping us out? all right.
all right.
okay, cool.
okay, cool.
So, the one I came up with So, the one I came up with Was saladboy.
Was saladboy.
saladboy.
saladboy.
as you can see, it's in the as you can see, it's in the shape of a baseball, but it's Shape of a baseball, but it's salad, with tomato eyes.
Salad, with tomato eyes.
It's a very healthy It's a very healthy It's kind of like, you know, It's kind of like, you know, "hey, it's 2014.
"hey, it's 2014.
Hey, let's eat healthier.
" Hey, let's eat healthier.
" turn a new leaf, so to speak, Turn a new leaf, so to speak, and re-invent baseball into a And re-invent baseball into a healthy sport.
Healthy sport.
Saladboy.
Saladboy.
Great mascot.
Great mascot.
I mean, that's a bowl of I mean, that's a bowl of salad.
Salad.
I mean, come on, I'm sure I can I mean, come on, I'm sure I can beat that.
Beat that.
Allow me to dazzle you with the Allow me to dazzle you with the magic that is, all right Magic that is, all right Salad boy.
Salad boy.
saladboy versus salad boy! saladboy versus salad boy! Who will win?! Who will win?! what it is, is "salad boy," what it is, is "salad boy," two words, except my version has Two words, except my version has pickles arms and legs.
Pickles arms and legs.
He can grab baseballs, he can He can grab baseballs, he can throw -- right, you got it.
Throw -- right, you got it.
Do the salad boy.
Do the salad boy.
Yeah! Yeah! Do the salad boy.
Do the salad boy.
You got it.
You got it.
you're doing the salad boy.
you're doing the salad boy.
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing.
my guy's got no bowl.
my guy's got no bowl.
My guy don't need no bowl.
My guy don't need no bowl.
salads don't have arms! salads don't have arms! Pickles for arms? Pickles for arms? What is this, fantasy land? What is this, fantasy land? No, this is baseball.
No, this is baseball.
This is america.
This is america.
who you voting for? who you voting for? Who you voting for? Who you voting for? my money is on saladboy.
that.
saladboy! saladboy! he picked it! he picked it! saladboy wins.
saladboy wins.
Yes! Yes! And salad boy loses.
And salad boy loses.
I thought you were throwing I thought you were throwing your pickles in the air like you Your pickles in the air like you didn't care.
Didn't care.
dude, that was the most dude, that was the most heated conversation about salad Heated conversation about salad I've ever seen.
I've ever seen.
saladboy for the win.
saladboy for the win.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ cheers and applause .]
gentlemen, my mind is Blown by that guy.
gentlemen, my mind is Blown by that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of Blown by that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of levels, that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of levels, that guy.
you even had him doing the Levels, that guy.
you even had him doing the dance.
you even had him doing the dance.
yeah, he was doing the Dance.
yeah, he was doing the you need to animate the salad yeah, he was doing the you need to animate the salad in order for it to do its job as you need to animate the salad in order for it to do its job as a mascot properly.
In order for it to do its job as a mascot properly.
what do you mean? A mascot properly.
what do you mean? I can't be there and go, what do you mean? I can't be there and go, "hit a home run!" I can't be there and go, "hit a home run!" no, you can't.
"hit a home run!" no, you can't.
That's horrible.
no, you can't.
That's horrible.
You can't just sit like That's horrible.
You can't just sit like throw a strike! You can't just sit like throw a strike! you don't know anything about throw a strike! you don't know anything about baseball.
you don't know anything about baseball.
[ laughter .]
Baseball.
[ laughter .]
name three baseball players.
[ laughter .]
name three baseball players.
[ laughs .]
Name three baseball players.
[ laughs .]
we'll be right back! we're back with more skeevy, head-to-head action.
you guys having a good time? Head-to-head action.
you guys having a good time? [ cheers and applause .]
you guys having a good time? [ cheers and applause .]
are you guys ready to see some [ cheers and applause .]
are you guys ready to see some more? Are you guys ready to see some more? yeah! More? yeah! all right.
yeah! all right.
Let's have a look at the next all right.
Let's have a look at the next clip.
Let's have a look at the next clip.
we're in the mall doing what Clip.
we're in the mall doing what we do best -- arguing.
we're in the mall doing what we do best -- arguing.
we'll be going head-to-head We do best -- arguing.
we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, getting we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, getting strangers to settle our silly Tournament style, getting strangers to settle our silly debates.
Strangers to settle our silly debates.
but the topic of our debate Debates.
but the topic of our debate will be given to us by the other but the topic of our debate will be given to us by the other guys.
Will be given to us by the other guys.
you have to get the person to Guys.
you have to get the person to agree with your stance no matter you have to get the person to agree with your stance no matter how bizarre it will be.
if you can't get the person to agree with you, you lose.
To agree with you, you lose.
you win.
you win.
what? what? you lose.
you lose.
sorry, we never agree on sorry, we never agree on these things.
could you settle a debate for us real quick? Us real quick? we've been arguing all day.
we've been arguing all day.
okay.
okay.
and I'll leave it to her.
and I'll leave it to her.
Whatever she says goes.
Whatever she says goes.
q, you think, you're the best q, you think, you're the best break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best Break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
joe, you think you're the Break-dancer in all the land.
joe, you think you're the best break-dancer in all the joe, you think you're the best break-dancer in all the land.
Best break-dancer in all the land.
I think I'm the best Land.
I think I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
So you have to settle this debate for us.
Debate for us.
Well, I'm gonna start off with a Well, I'm gonna start off with a little robot, so you know what Little robot, so you know what we're doing here.
We're doing here.
Just to Just to [ mimics robot .]
Bring that [bleep.]
up.
What? What? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's like a dead fish.
I win.
what? what? But I didn't get to the finale.
[ laughing .]
she had no time But I didn't get to the finale.
[ laughing .]
she had no time for that.
[ laughing .]
she had no time for that.
that was the worst For that.
that was the worst break-dancing ever.
that was the worst break-dancing ever.
I was trying to do the worm.
Break-dancing ever.
I was trying to do the worm.
[ laughter .]
I was trying to do the worm.
[ laughter .]
that was the worm? [ laughter .]
that was the worm? you looked like a fish with that was the worm? you looked like a fish with two breaths left.
you looked like a fish with two breaths left.
did you hurt yourself? Two breaths left.
did you hurt yourself? I can't get up.
did you hurt yourself? I can't get up.
[ laughter .]
I can't get up.
[ laughter .]
good try, bud.
[ laughter .]
good try, bud.
You did all right.
good try, bud.
You did all right.
[ ding! .]
You did all right.
[ ding! .]
[ applause .]
[ ding! .]
[ applause .]
you were black and blue for a [ applause .]
you were black and blue for a week after that.
you were black and blue for a week after that.
oh, man.
Week after that.
oh, man.
is there a point in your life oh, man.
is there a point in your life when you're just too old to is there a point in your life when you're just too old to break-dance? When you're just too old to break-dance? oh, he could never Break-dance? oh, he could never break-dance.
oh, he could never break-dance.
Oh, man.
Break-dance.
Oh, man.
I am having one of the best days Oh, man.
I am having one of the best days of my life.
I am having one of the best days of my life.
Let's look at another clip.
Of my life.
Let's look at another clip.
[ laughter .]
Let's look at another clip.
[ laughter .]
today, we're competing [ laughter .]
today, we're competing head-to-head as authors trying today, we're competing head-to-head as authors trying to get a book published.
Head-to-head as authors trying to get a book published.
the goal in to convince a To get a book published.
the goal in to convince a group of literary enthusiasts the goal in to convince a group of literary enthusiasts that our book is the best.
Group of literary enthusiasts that our book is the best.
the thing is, we've never That our book is the best.
the thing is, we've never seen these books before, because the thing is, we've never seen these books before, because they've been created by the Seen these books before, because they've been created by the other guys.
They've been created by the other guys.
at the end, we'll ask the Other guys.
at the end, we'll ask the group to vote for which book at the end, we'll ask the group to vote for which book they think should be published.
whoever gets the fewest hands raised loses.
Raised loses.
Book closed.
I think I have a distinct advantage here, buddy.
Advantage here, buddy.
you always think you have a you always think you have a distinct advantage.
Distinct advantage.
hear me out.
hear me out.
I actually have written a novel.
I actually have written a novel.
you didn't write a novel.
you didn't write a novel.
You wrote a really long, bad, You wrote a really long, bad, short story.
Short story.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's not true.
that's not true.
It's a good book.
writing something doesn't It's a good book.
writing something doesn't make you an author.
writing something doesn't make you an author.
Getting published makes you an Make you an author.
Getting published makes you an author.
Getting published makes you an author.
no.
Author.
no.
you know who's an author? no.
you know who's an author? My 6-year-old niece.
you know who's an author? My 6-year-old niece.
[ laughter .]
My 6-year-old niece.
[ laughter .]
she wrote a short story the [ laughter .]
she wrote a short story the other day.
She wrote a short story the other day.
She's an author.
Other day.
She's an author.
is she published? She's an author.
is she published? are you? is she published? are you? not yet.
are you? not yet.
so you're in the exact same not yet.
so you're in the exact same category as my 6-year-old niece.
so you're in the exact same category as my 6-year-old niece.
that's not true.
Category as my 6-year-old niece.
that's not true.
murr, look, I've been in that's not true.
murr, look, I've been in airplanes.
murr, look, I've been in airplanes.
That doesn't make me a pilot.
Airplanes.
That doesn't make me a pilot.
[ laughs .]
That doesn't make me a pilot.
[ laughs .]
hi, everyone.
[ laughs .]
hi, everyone.
How are you? hi, everyone.
How are you? My name is james, and this is -- How are you? My name is james, and this is -- sal vulcano.
My name is james, and this is -- sal vulcano.
we're going to present our sal vulcano.
we're going to present our books to you.
we're going to present our books to you.
They will choose one book to Books to you.
They will choose one book to actually get published.
They will choose one book to actually get published.
Here we go.
Actually get published.
Here we go.
"how I discovered my body.
" Here we go.
"how I discovered my body.
" [ laughter .]
"how I discovered my body.
" [ laughter .]
it's a coming-of-age tale of my [ laughter .]
it's a coming-of-age tale of my background in my body.
It's a coming-of-age tale of my background in my body.
together: "the bible ii.
" Background in my body.
together: "the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
together: "the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
"the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
"the bible ii.
" okay, so, my book, "how I "the bible ii.
" okay, so, my book, "how I discovered my body" okay, so, my book, "how I discovered my body" You see, each chapter of the Discovered my body" You see, each chapter of the book is discovering another body You see, each chapter of the book is discovering another body part as I go south.
Book is discovering another body part as I go south.
There's about 14 chapters in Part as I go south.
There's about 14 chapters in this region.
There's about 14 chapters in this region.
I didn't learn to This region.
I didn't learn to How do I say this? I didn't learn to How do I say this? I didn't learn toPleasure How do I say this? I didn't learn toPleasure myself in the typical way.
I didn't learn toPleasure myself in the typical way.
why don't you just tell the Myself in the typical way.
why don't you just tell the hulk hogan story, buddy? why don't you just tell the hulk hogan story, buddy? in the '80s, hulk hogan Hulk hogan story, buddy? in the '80s, hulk hogan oh, he's gonna do it! in the '80s, hulk hogan came out with a workout vhs tape.
Out with a workout vhs tape.
You remember it? You remember it? Then you know everything I'm Then you know everything I'm talking about.
Talking about.
this is a 100% true story.
this is a 100% true story.
so, in the tape, if you remember, he has you doing so, in the tape, if you remember, he has you doing crunches.
Remember, he has you doing crunches.
And when you hold the crunch Crunches.
And when you hold the crunch really tight And when you hold the crunch really tight It causes the pubescent male Really tight It causes the pubescent male body to achieve I became a real american.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
anybody else uncomfortable? anybody else uncomfortable? [ laughter .]
can you tell us about [ laughter .]
can you tell us about "the bible ii"? can you tell us about "the bible ii"? basically, this picks up "the bible ii"? basically, this picks up where the bible that everyone basically, this picks up where the bible that everyone knows left off.
Where the bible that everyone knows left off.
at the end of the bible, Knows left off.
at the end of the bible, jesus ended up in heaven.
at the end of the bible, jesus ended up in heaven.
His story's done.
Jesus ended up in heaven.
His story's done.
this is the newest testament, His story's done.
this is the newest testament, if you will, and it's the this is the newest testament, if you will, and it's the adventures of jesus and the If you will, and it's the adventures of jesus and the people that surround him.
Adventures of jesus and the people that surround him.
dumbfounded.
People that surround him.
dumbfounded.
Dumbfounded.
ooh.
A pastor poet.
A pastor poet.
this guy knows his [bleep.]
there's a parable in this one where jesus threw, like, a rager for, like, everyone from every Where jesus threw, like, a rager for, like, everyone from every town.
For, like, everyone from every town.
All the disciples, everyone that Town.
All the disciples, everyone that was there, you know, throughout All the disciples, everyone that was there, you know, throughout his life -- his mom, dad, Was there, you know, throughout his life -- his mom, dad, everyby was there.
His life -- his mom, dad, everyby was there.
jesus' dad? You mean god? Everyby was there.
jesus' dad? You mean god? [ laughter .]
jesus' dad? You mean god? [ laughter .]
jesus came back with a crave [ laughter .]
jesus came back with a crave case from white castle.
jesus came back with a crave case from white castle.
Crave cases have 32 Case from white castle.
Crave cases have 32 cheeseburgers in them.
Crave cases have 32 cheeseburgers in them.
They had over 100 people at this Cheeseburgers in them.
They had over 100 people at this party.
They had over 100 people at this party.
When they ran out, of course, Party.
When they ran out, of course, what did he do, jesus? When they ran out, of course, what did he do, jesus? He not only multiplied the crave What did he do, jesus? He not only multiplied the crave case into, like, 10 crave cases, He not only multiplied the crave case into, like, 10 crave cases, but he also got them chicken Case into, like, 10 crave cases, but he also got them chicken rings, french fries, and he But he also got them chicken rings, french fries, and he multiplied all that.
Rings, french fries, and he multiplied all that.
[ laughter .]
Multiplied all that.
[ laughter .]
here's my opinion on it.
[ laughter .]
here's my opinion on it.
We already know pretty much here's my opinion on it.
We already know pretty much everything there is to know We already know pretty much everything there is to know about jesus, am I right? Everything there is to know about jesus, am I right? I'm still learning about my body About jesus, am I right? I'm still learning about my body every single day.
I'm still learning about my body every single day.
how arrogant.
Every single day.
how arrogant.
Only james murray would think a how arrogant.
Only james murray would think a book needs to be written about Only james murray would think a book needs to be written about his body over jesus.
Book needs to be written about his body over jesus.
it burst.
wow! you are destroyed! [ laughter .]
you are destroyed! [ laughter .]
sal's just dialing it in.
[ laughter .]
sal's just dialing it in.
by show of hands, how many of sal's just dialing it in.
by show of hands, how many of you think that "how I discovered by show of hands, how many of you think that "how I discovered my body" should be published? You think that "how I discovered my body" should be published? One, two My body" should be published? One, two two.
One, two two.
two.
two.
two.
how many of you think that two.
how many of you think that "the bible ii" might be how many of you think that "the bible ii" might be worthwhile to be published? "the bible ii" might be worthwhile to be published? one, two, three, four, five.
Worthwhile to be published? one, two, three, four, five.
Thank you.
one, two, three, four, five.
Thank you.
together: Five! Thank you.
together: Five! jesus wins again.
together: Five! jesus wins again.
[ ding! .]
jesus wins again.
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
well, according to my [ cheers and applause .]
well, according to my calculations, fellas, I won.
well, according to my calculations, fellas, I won.
So I counted them all up -- Calculations, fellas, I won.
So I counted them all up -- whoa! So I counted them all up -- whoa! yeah, I counted them all up, whoa! yeah, I counted them all up, everything we watched today.
yeah, I counted them all up, everything we watched today.
I won the mostest.
Everything we watched today.
I won the mostest.
what? I won the mostest.
what? yeah, it's true.
what? yeah, it's true.
"the mostest"? yeah, it's true.
"the mostest"? That sounds terribly unofficial.
"the mostest"? That sounds terribly unofficial.
I tell you who lost -- your That sounds terribly unofficial.
I tell you who lost -- your grammar teacher.
I tell you who lost -- your grammar teacher.
[ laughter .]
Grammar teacher.
[ laughter .]
this is for you.
[ laughter .]
this is for you.
You hold the grapes.
this is for you.
You hold the grapes.
You got these.
You hold the grapes.
You got these.
That's to fan me.
You got these.
That's to fan me.
oh, I see what's going on That's to fan me.
oh, I see what's going on here.
oh, I see what's going on here.
what do I have? Here.
what do I have? you're gonna be, like, what do I have? you're gonna be, like, king joe.
you're gonna be, like, king joe.
I got it.
All right.
King joe.
I got it.
All right.
I need a throne, so, murr, if I got it.
All right.
I need a throne, so, murr, if you do me a favor.
I need a throne, so, murr, if you do me a favor.
what the -- You do me a favor.
what the -- thank you, bud.
what the -- thank you, bud.
wait! thank you, bud.
wait! are you guys okay with this? wait! are you guys okay with this? well, I won.
are you guys okay with this? well, I won.
So, thank you so much, guys, and well, I won.
So, thank you so much, guys, and we'll see you next time on So, thank you so much, guys, and we'll see you next time on "impractical jokers" specials.
We'll see you next time on "impractical jokers" specials.
Feed me, bitches.
[ cheers and applause .]
our show doesn't work this way.
Our show doesn't work this way.
shut up, murray! shut up, murray! it doesn't! it doesn't! shut up! Shut up, murray!
We're coming at you today from flatiron hall in new york city.
We're coming at you today from flatiron hall in new york city.
thanks for joining us for our Flatiron hall in new york city.
thanks for joining us for our very special joker showdown thanks for joining us for our very special joker showdown edition of "impractical jokers.
" Very special joker showdown edition of "impractical jokers.
" this is all never-before-seen Edition of "impractical jokers.
" this is all never-before-seen footage where we go this is all never-before-seen footage where we go head-to-head.
Footage where we go head-to-head.
or nose-to-nose.
Head-to-head.
or nose-to-nose.
[ ding! .]
or nose-to-nose.
[ ding! .]
let's do it! [ ding! .]
let's do it! prepare for something Let's do it! prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you! thanks for joining us on thank you! thanks for joining us on "impractical jokers.
" thanks for joining us on "impractical jokers.
" you know, some of our favorite "impractical jokers.
" you know, some of our favorite challenges are the ones where we You know, some of our favorite challenges are the ones where we go head-to-head.
Challenges are the ones where we go head-to-head.
that's right.
Go head-to-head.
that's right.
Normally, one of us goes out and that's right.
Normally, one of us goes out and three stay back.
Normally, one of us goes out and three stay back.
When we go head-to-head, man, it Three stay back.
When we go head-to-head, man, it is something special.
When we go head-to-head, man, it is something special.
there's, like, two of us out Is something special.
there's, like, two of us out there.
there's, like, two of us out there.
Like two great white sharks, There.
Like two great white sharks, chomping and biting each other.
Like two great white sharks, chomping and biting each other.
Like angry cod, just Chomping and biting each other.
Like angry cod, just rar! Rar! Rar! Like angry cod, just rar! Rar! Rar! cods? Rar! Rar! Rar! cods? cods are angry.
cods? cods are angry.
all right.
cods are angry.
all right.
Check out this clip of two cods all right.
Check out this clip of two cods going at it.
Check out this clip of two cods going at it.
[ laughter .]
Going at it.
[ laughter .]
how many times do we have to [ laughter .]
how many times do we have to tell you to focus, people? how many times do we have to tell you to focus, people? today, one of us will be Tell you to focus, people? today, one of us will be moderating a focus group today, one of us will be moderating a focus group and the other will be Moderating a focus group and the other will be participating in that same and the other will be participating in that same group.
now, the participant has to answer all the questions on his Answer all the questions on his survey.
Survey.
The thing is, his completely The thing is, his completely embarrassing answers have been Embarrassing answers have been written by the moderator.
Written by the moderator.
if you can't read every if you can't read every answer in its entirety, you Answer in its entirety, you lose.
Lose.
did you get all that? did you get all that? Because there's a lot.
Because there's a lot.
that's why I told you to that's why I told you to focus.
look at joe, sitting in there alone, yet still in character.
I don't think he's in Alone, yet still in character.
I don't think he's in character.
I don't think he's in character.
I think he showed up today sort Character.
I think he showed up today sort of cranky.
I think he showed up today sort of cranky.
don't start that.
Of cranky.
don't start that.
look, see? don't start that.
look, see? He showed up a little cranky look, see? He showed up a little cranky today.
hello.
How's it going? How's it going? Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.
look at this douche that just look at this douche that just walked in.
Walked in.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they're in a focus group.
They're in a focus group.
Joe is playing the moderator.
Joe is playing the moderator.
murr is pretending to be just murr is pretending to be just a dude off the street.
A dude off the street.
joe has written murray's joe has written murray's answers.
Answers.
Murray has never seen them.
Murray has never seen them.
let's start, just yes or no, let's start, just yes or no, do you use smart phone in order Do you use smart phone in order to get directions? To get directions? Who said yes, they used? Who said yes, they used? Everyone.
Everyone.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right.
All right.
What do you use the internet for What do you use the internet for most? Most? James? James? here we go.
here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
I wrote, "selling my novelty I wrote, "selling my novelty sculptures.
" Sculptures.
" I'm a sculptor, and I make clay I'm a sculptor, and I make clay clay aikens.
Clay aikens.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
you make clay clay aikens? you make clay clay aikens? yeah.
yeah.
I sell them on online stores.
I sell them on online stores.
On ebay, auction sites.
On ebay, auction sites.
And it used to be more popular, And it used to be more popular, back in the day when clay aiken Back in the day when clay aiken was Was more relevant.
more relevant.
At his prime.
At his prime.
But I still make a pretty penny But I still make a pretty penny from the clay clay aikens.
From the clay clay aikens.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
do you participate in any do you participate in any organized or recreational Organized or recreational sports? Sports? basketball.
basketball.
basketball.
basketball.
Very nice.
Very nice.
And how about you? And how about you? Do you do any? Do you do any? not recently.
not recently.
no? Nothing recently, okay.
no? Nothing recently, okay.
Great.
Great.
Yeah, james? Yeah, james? I'm in an adult I'm in an adult duck-duck-goose league.
Duck-duck-goose league.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
could you elaborate? could you elaborate? nice one, joey.
nice one, joey.
it's basically a collection it's basically a collection of adults, mostly men, who get Of adults, mostly men, who get together to play some of their Together to play some of their favorite childhood games, in Favorite childhood games, in particular, duck-duck-goose.
Particular, duck-duck-goose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that sounds interesting.
that sounds interesting.
Is that here in manhattan? Is that here in manhattan? no.
no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It's out in the boroughs.
It's out in the boroughs.
in the boroughs, okay.
in the boroughs, okay.
we've been trying to get a we've been trying to get a manhattan league together, but Manhattan league together, but it's a little harder.
It's a little harder.
murray brought his "a" game murray brought his "a" game today.
Today.
follow-up question, then, for follow-up question, then, for that.
That.
Would you say you're a sports Would you say you're a sports fan? Fan? I wrote, "no, my parents I wrote, "no, my parents dressed me as a girl till I was Dressed me as a girl till I was My mother had mental issues.
" My mother had mental issues.
" [ laughter .]
so, not a sports fan.
Not a sports Not a sports oh, my god.
oh, my god.
now let's talk a little bit now let's talk a little bit about pharmaceuticals.
About pharmaceuticals.
Have you ever had a side effect Have you ever had a side effect from an over-the-counter drug? From an over-the-counter drug? no.
no.
no.
no.
I bet someone has.
I bet someone has.
I can't wait to see what I can't wait to see what murray's answer is.
Murray's answer is.
james, have you ever had a james, have you ever had a side effect? Side effect? I've had itchy ass [bleep.]
I've had itchy ass [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
as a side effect to an as a side effect to an over-the-counter drug? Over-the-counter drug? yes.
yes.
was it a pill you were was it a pill you were taking? Taking? yes.
yes.
It was just a headache medicine.
It was just a headache medicine.
And it gave me itchy ass [bleep.]
And it gave me itchy ass [bleep.]
oh, my goodness.
oh, my goodness.
wow.
wow.
This is like watching a tennis This is like watching a tennis match between two pros.
Match between two pros.
name three things that are on name three things that are on your grocery list.
Your grocery list.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
look at joe's face.
look at joe's face.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
when you go grocery shopping.
when you go grocery shopping.
Any three things.
Any three things.
I-I-I-I heard the question.
I-I-I-I heard the question.
I got the question.
I got the question.
[ laughter .]
I left that one blank.
oh, you did? oh, you did? I did.
I did.
left that one blank, okay.
left that one blank, okay.
Well, we're all wrapped up here, Well, we're all wrapped up here, folks.
Folks.
hard core, joey.
hard core, joey.
wow, murr.
wow, murr.
oh, really? oh, really? yeah.
yeah.
The line you wanted me to say The line you wanted me to say was, "I live alone, so yogurt, Was, "I live alone, so yogurt, ham, and tampons.
" Ham, and tampons.
" yeah, that's right.
yeah, that's right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
how's that itchy ass [bleep.]
how's that itchy ass [bleep.]
it's not too bad.
it's not too bad.
It's much better.
It's much better.
It's cleared up nicely.
It's cleared up nicely.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I think that q and I also I think that q and I also went this day.
Went this day.
yeah.
yeah.
let's take a look at that.
let's take a look at that.
hey, everybody.
hey, everybody.
How you doing? How you doing? Just take a seat.
Just take a seat.
I feel like the hair on q's I feel like the hair on q's face is just growing Face is just growing into his head.
into his head.
He looks like "teen wolf.
" He looks like "teen wolf.
" [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, let's start with you, so, let's start with you, gale.
Gale.
Favorite type of food? Favorite type of food? american.
american.
american.
american.
Basic american fare.
Basic american fare.
Brian? Brian? yep.
yep.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I like weird, ethnic [bleep.]
I just go around and I try out I just go around and I try out new restaurants.
New restaurants.
All those weird ethnic foods.
All those weird ethnic foods.
we got it.
we got it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
where do you get most of your Where do you get most of your food? Food? restaurants.
restaurants.
restaurants.
restaurants.
Okay, brian? Okay, brian? yes? yes? where do you get most of your where do you get most of your food? Food? Restaurant, grocery, online, or Restaurant, grocery, online, or other? Other? What did you write down? What did you write down? well, I wrote that I'm on a well, I wrote that I'm on a lot of medication, so I can't Lot of medication, so I can't really hold anything down.
Really hold anything down.
Like, a lot of medications, Like, a lot of medications, so So Currently.
Currently.
So right now, wherever I can get So right now, wherever I can get it.
It.
so, where do you get most of so, where do you get most of your food? Your food? the supermarket.
the supermarket.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, how do you guys pay for oh, how do you guys pay for groceries when you do shop? Groceries when you do shop? Cash, credit, debit, other? Cash, credit, debit, other? credit.
credit.
brian? brian? oh.
oh.
Oh, I guess I didn't understand Oh, I guess I didn't understand it, 'cause I wrote, "in grammar It, 'cause I wrote, "in grammar school, my friend jaz always School, my friend jaz always had, like, the best, newest Had, like, the best, newest candies.
Candies.
And I used to touch his jeans And I used to touch his jeans and he'd give me some.
" And he'd give me some.
" so, I didn't So, I didn't Yeah.
Yeah.
oh, you are a weirdo.
oh, you are a weirdo.
oh, man.
oh, man.
that's how you u pay for your that's how you u pay for your groceries? Groceries? That's not the question.
That's not the question.
Like, nowadays.
Like, nowadays.
yeah.
yeah.
Re-reading the question, I Re-reading the question, I would say cash.
Would say cash.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
on a lazy afternoon, what's on a lazy afternoon, what's your preferred activity? Your preferred activity? We'll start from the right.
We'll start from the right.
I like going to the movies.
I like going to the movies.
going to the movies.
going to the movies.
You're a moviegoer.
You're a moviegoer.
Okay.
Okay.
Brian, same question.
Brian, same question.
I wrote I wrote I wrote, "I prank-call my mom.
" I wrote, "I prank-call my mom.
" okay.
okay.
"you're gonna suffer!" "you're gonna suffer!" and then I hang up.
And then I hang up.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Sal's just making it more Sal's just making it more awkward with the look.
Awkward with the look.
and that's what you do all and that's what you do all afternoon? Afternoon? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it really ramps it up for it really ramps it up for her, the fifth time you call.
Her, the fifth time you call.
all right, all right.
all right, all right.
Don't touch gale.
Don't touch gale.
All right.
All right.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
last question, guys.
Last question, guys.
Name three things you watch on Name three things you watch on tv.
Tv.
oh, I wrote oh, I wrote [bleep.]
all y'all.
[bleep.]
all y'all.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's what I wrote.
That's what I wrote.
I just want to make sure I I just want to make sure I heard that right.
Heard that right.
right.
right.
so, your favorite genre of so, your favorite genre of television programming is Television programming is [bleep.]
y'all.
[bleep.]
y'all.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he got it.
he got it.
All right.
Well done, q.
All right.
Well done, q.
q wins it.
Well done, q.
q wins it.
[ all groan .]
q wins it.
[ all groan .]
you made me look so crazy [ all groan .]
you made me look so crazy that I could go anywhere.
you made me look so crazy that I could go anywhere.
You shot yourself in the foot.
That I could go anywhere.
You shot yourself in the foot.
I overdid it.
You shot yourself in the foot.
I overdid it.
I remember writing that for I overdid it.
I remember writing that for you, and the joy coming out of I remember writing that for you, and the joy coming out of me when I wrote that you had a You, and the joy coming out of me when I wrote that you had a friend named jaz, and you would Me when I wrote that you had a friend named jaz, and you would touch his jeans and he would Friend named jaz, and you would touch his jeans and he would give you all the sweetest Touch his jeans and he would give you all the sweetest candies.
Give you all the sweetest candies.
That is the strangest thing I've Candies.
That is the strangest thing I've ever thought of.
That is the strangest thing I've ever thought of.
We got some more.
Ever thought of.
We got some more.
And if you don't like it, We got some more.
And if you don't like it, something's wrong with you And if you don't like it, something's wrong with you personally.
Something's wrong with you personally.
Let's have a look.
Personally.
Let's have a look.
we're here at the Let's have a look.
we're here at the brooklyn cyclones baseball game we're here at the brooklyn cyclones baseball game pitching new mascots to fans.
Brooklyn cyclones baseball game pitching new mascots to fans.
we'll be going head-to-head Pitching new mascots to fans.
we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, trying to we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, trying to convince fans that our mascot is Tournament style, trying to convince fans that our mascot is the best.
Convince fans that our mascot is the best.
the catch is that we won't The best.
the catch is that we won't know what the mascots are until the catch is that we won't know what the mascots are until we show them.
if you can't get the fan to pick your mascot, you're out! Pick your mascot, you're out! You lose, is what I'm saying.
You lose, is what I'm saying.
You'll lose.
You'll lose.
have you ever seen baseball? all right, fellas.
Brooklyn cyclones need a new Brooklyn cyclones need a new mascot.
Mascot.
you're going down, clown.
you're going down, clown.
guys, I'm very happy with the guys, I'm very happy with the way that your mascots came out, Way that your mascots came out, my friends.
My friends.
we're presenting new mascot we're presenting new mascot options to the cyclones this Options to the cyclones this year.
Year.
okay.
okay.
so, I have here gary the so, I have here gary the gluten-free pizza Gluten-free pizza Who is a slice of pizza that's Who is a slice of pizza that's all the fun and none of the All the fun and none of the gluten.
Gluten.
This pizza could be running This pizza could be running around this whole stadium, Around this whole stadium, throwing pepperoni at people, Throwing pepperoni at people, hitting them with mushrooms.
Hitting them with mushrooms.
well, what I have here is well, what I have here is elliot Elliot Elliot the effeminate shark.
Elliot the effeminate shark.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
Okay.
[ feminine voice .]
here's me, right? [ feminine voice .]
here's me, right? We're gonna take a big, juicy Right? We're gonna take a big, juicy bite out of the other team's We're gonna take a big, juicy bite out of the other team's behind.
Bite out of the other team's behind.
well, my guy's like, Behind.
well, my guy's like, [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's well, my guy's like, [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's me, gary the gluten-free pizza! [ high-pitched voice .]
hey, it's me, gary the gluten-free pizza! so stupid.
Me, gary the gluten-free pizza! so stupid.
no, but here I come from the so stupid.
no, but here I come from the sea now! no, but here I come from the sea now! Like, duh-na, duh-na Sea now! Like, duh-na, duh-na Chompy, chompy! Like, duh-na, duh-na Chompy, chompy! [ normal voice .]
you're not Chompy, chompy! [ normal voice .]
you're not making a good case for yourself.
[ normal voice .]
you're not making a good case for yourself.
So, out of those two, who do you Making a good case for yourself.
So, out of those two, who do you think? So, out of those two, who do you think? you don't have any other Think? you don't have any other options? you don't have any other options? these are our two options.
Options? these are our two options.
If you had to pick one between these are our two options.
If you had to pick one between these two, which one would you If you had to pick one between these two, which one would you like better? These two, which one would you like better? it's gary.
Like better? it's gary.
together: Oh! it's gary.
together: Oh! [ laughter .]
together: Oh! [ laughter .]
[ high-pitched voice .]
I did [ laughter .]
[ high-pitched voice .]
I did it, buddy! [ high-pitched voice .]
I did it, buddy! I won! It, buddy! I won! [ ding! .]
I won! [ ding! .]
that's what the fans want.
hey, sal.
So, welcome down to the big So, welcome down to the big game.
Game.
yes.
yes.
With q versus murr in a With q versus murr in a mascot v.
Mascot showdown.
Mascot v.
Mascot showdown.
you know nothing about -- you know nothing about -- all I know is you're supposed all I know is you're supposed to put your hand here and move To put your hand here and move your head a lot.
Your head a lot.
he knows nothing about he knows nothing about sports.
Sports.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
how about that draft pick how about that draft pick from last season? From last season? which one? which one? that one they did there.
that one they did there.
for who? What team? for who? What team? the, you know, the falcons.
the, you know, the falcons.
Pick a bird.
Pick a bird.
The eagles, the falcons, The eagles, the falcons, whatever you want to do.
Whatever you want to do.
Pick a bird.
Pick a bird.
pick a bird.
pick a bird.
sir, can we get one second of sir, can we get one second of your time? Your time? Our designs are gonna be chosen Our designs are gonna be chosen for the next mascot for the For the next mascot for the cyclones.
Cyclones.
But we need somebody to vote on But we need somebody to vote on who's who.
Who's who.
So we figured, maybe, would you So we figured, maybe, would you mind helping us out? Mind helping us out? all right.
all right.
okay, cool.
okay, cool.
So, the one I came up with So, the one I came up with Was saladboy.
Was saladboy.
saladboy.
saladboy.
as you can see, it's in the as you can see, it's in the shape of a baseball, but it's Shape of a baseball, but it's salad, with tomato eyes.
Salad, with tomato eyes.
It's a very healthy It's a very healthy It's kind of like, you know, It's kind of like, you know, "hey, it's 2014.
"hey, it's 2014.
Hey, let's eat healthier.
" Hey, let's eat healthier.
" turn a new leaf, so to speak, Turn a new leaf, so to speak, and re-invent baseball into a And re-invent baseball into a healthy sport.
Healthy sport.
Saladboy.
Saladboy.
Great mascot.
Great mascot.
I mean, that's a bowl of I mean, that's a bowl of salad.
Salad.
I mean, come on, I'm sure I can I mean, come on, I'm sure I can beat that.
Beat that.
Allow me to dazzle you with the Allow me to dazzle you with the magic that is, all right Magic that is, all right Salad boy.
Salad boy.
saladboy versus salad boy! saladboy versus salad boy! Who will win?! Who will win?! what it is, is "salad boy," what it is, is "salad boy," two words, except my version has Two words, except my version has pickles arms and legs.
Pickles arms and legs.
He can grab baseballs, he can He can grab baseballs, he can throw -- right, you got it.
Throw -- right, you got it.
Do the salad boy.
Do the salad boy.
Yeah! Yeah! Do the salad boy.
Do the salad boy.
You got it.
You got it.
you're doing the salad boy.
you're doing the salad boy.
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing.
my guy's got no bowl.
my guy's got no bowl.
My guy don't need no bowl.
My guy don't need no bowl.
salads don't have arms! salads don't have arms! Pickles for arms? Pickles for arms? What is this, fantasy land? What is this, fantasy land? No, this is baseball.
No, this is baseball.
This is america.
This is america.
who you voting for? who you voting for? Who you voting for? Who you voting for? my money is on saladboy.
that.
saladboy! saladboy! he picked it! he picked it! saladboy wins.
saladboy wins.
Yes! Yes! And salad boy loses.
And salad boy loses.
I thought you were throwing I thought you were throwing your pickles in the air like you Your pickles in the air like you didn't care.
Didn't care.
dude, that was the most dude, that was the most heated conversation about salad Heated conversation about salad I've ever seen.
I've ever seen.
saladboy for the win.
saladboy for the win.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ cheers and applause .]
gentlemen, my mind is Blown by that guy.
gentlemen, my mind is Blown by that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of Blown by that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of levels, that guy.
he betrayed me on a lot of levels, that guy.
you even had him doing the Levels, that guy.
you even had him doing the dance.
you even had him doing the dance.
yeah, he was doing the Dance.
yeah, he was doing the you need to animate the salad yeah, he was doing the you need to animate the salad in order for it to do its job as you need to animate the salad in order for it to do its job as a mascot properly.
In order for it to do its job as a mascot properly.
what do you mean? A mascot properly.
what do you mean? I can't be there and go, what do you mean? I can't be there and go, "hit a home run!" I can't be there and go, "hit a home run!" no, you can't.
"hit a home run!" no, you can't.
That's horrible.
no, you can't.
That's horrible.
You can't just sit like That's horrible.
You can't just sit like throw a strike! You can't just sit like throw a strike! you don't know anything about throw a strike! you don't know anything about baseball.
you don't know anything about baseball.
[ laughter .]
Baseball.
[ laughter .]
name three baseball players.
[ laughter .]
name three baseball players.
[ laughs .]
Name three baseball players.
[ laughs .]
we'll be right back! we're back with more skeevy, head-to-head action.
you guys having a good time? Head-to-head action.
you guys having a good time? [ cheers and applause .]
you guys having a good time? [ cheers and applause .]
are you guys ready to see some [ cheers and applause .]
are you guys ready to see some more? Are you guys ready to see some more? yeah! More? yeah! all right.
yeah! all right.
Let's have a look at the next all right.
Let's have a look at the next clip.
Let's have a look at the next clip.
we're in the mall doing what Clip.
we're in the mall doing what we do best -- arguing.
we're in the mall doing what we do best -- arguing.
we'll be going head-to-head We do best -- arguing.
we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, getting we'll be going head-to-head tournament style, getting strangers to settle our silly Tournament style, getting strangers to settle our silly debates.
Strangers to settle our silly debates.
but the topic of our debate Debates.
but the topic of our debate will be given to us by the other but the topic of our debate will be given to us by the other guys.
Will be given to us by the other guys.
you have to get the person to Guys.
you have to get the person to agree with your stance no matter you have to get the person to agree with your stance no matter how bizarre it will be.
if you can't get the person to agree with you, you lose.
To agree with you, you lose.
you win.
you win.
what? what? you lose.
you lose.
sorry, we never agree on sorry, we never agree on these things.
could you settle a debate for us real quick? Us real quick? we've been arguing all day.
we've been arguing all day.
okay.
okay.
and I'll leave it to her.
and I'll leave it to her.
Whatever she says goes.
Whatever she says goes.
q, you think, you're the best q, you think, you're the best break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best Break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
I think that I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
joe, you think you're the Break-dancer in all the land.
joe, you think you're the best break-dancer in all the joe, you think you're the best break-dancer in all the land.
Best break-dancer in all the land.
I think I'm the best Land.
I think I'm the best break-dancer in all the land.
So you have to settle this debate for us.
Debate for us.
Well, I'm gonna start off with a Well, I'm gonna start off with a little robot, so you know what Little robot, so you know what we're doing here.
We're doing here.
Just to Just to [ mimics robot .]
Bring that [bleep.]
up.
What? What? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he's like a dead fish.
I win.
what? what? But I didn't get to the finale.
[ laughing .]
she had no time But I didn't get to the finale.
[ laughing .]
she had no time for that.
[ laughing .]
she had no time for that.
that was the worst For that.
that was the worst break-dancing ever.
that was the worst break-dancing ever.
I was trying to do the worm.
Break-dancing ever.
I was trying to do the worm.
[ laughter .]
I was trying to do the worm.
[ laughter .]
that was the worm? [ laughter .]
that was the worm? you looked like a fish with that was the worm? you looked like a fish with two breaths left.
you looked like a fish with two breaths left.
did you hurt yourself? Two breaths left.
did you hurt yourself? I can't get up.
did you hurt yourself? I can't get up.
[ laughter .]
I can't get up.
[ laughter .]
good try, bud.
[ laughter .]
good try, bud.
You did all right.
good try, bud.
You did all right.
[ ding! .]
You did all right.
[ ding! .]
[ applause .]
[ ding! .]
[ applause .]
you were black and blue for a [ applause .]
you were black and blue for a week after that.
you were black and blue for a week after that.
oh, man.
Week after that.
oh, man.
is there a point in your life oh, man.
is there a point in your life when you're just too old to is there a point in your life when you're just too old to break-dance? When you're just too old to break-dance? oh, he could never Break-dance? oh, he could never break-dance.
oh, he could never break-dance.
Oh, man.
Break-dance.
Oh, man.
I am having one of the best days Oh, man.
I am having one of the best days of my life.
I am having one of the best days of my life.
Let's look at another clip.
Of my life.
Let's look at another clip.
[ laughter .]
Let's look at another clip.
[ laughter .]
today, we're competing [ laughter .]
today, we're competing head-to-head as authors trying today, we're competing head-to-head as authors trying to get a book published.
Head-to-head as authors trying to get a book published.
the goal in to convince a To get a book published.
the goal in to convince a group of literary enthusiasts the goal in to convince a group of literary enthusiasts that our book is the best.
Group of literary enthusiasts that our book is the best.
the thing is, we've never That our book is the best.
the thing is, we've never seen these books before, because the thing is, we've never seen these books before, because they've been created by the Seen these books before, because they've been created by the other guys.
They've been created by the other guys.
at the end, we'll ask the Other guys.
at the end, we'll ask the group to vote for which book at the end, we'll ask the group to vote for which book they think should be published.
whoever gets the fewest hands raised loses.
Raised loses.
Book closed.
I think I have a distinct advantage here, buddy.
Advantage here, buddy.
you always think you have a you always think you have a distinct advantage.
Distinct advantage.
hear me out.
hear me out.
I actually have written a novel.
I actually have written a novel.
you didn't write a novel.
you didn't write a novel.
You wrote a really long, bad, You wrote a really long, bad, short story.
Short story.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's not true.
that's not true.
It's a good book.
writing something doesn't It's a good book.
writing something doesn't make you an author.
writing something doesn't make you an author.
Getting published makes you an Make you an author.
Getting published makes you an author.
Getting published makes you an author.
no.
Author.
no.
you know who's an author? no.
you know who's an author? My 6-year-old niece.
you know who's an author? My 6-year-old niece.
[ laughter .]
My 6-year-old niece.
[ laughter .]
she wrote a short story the [ laughter .]
she wrote a short story the other day.
She wrote a short story the other day.
She's an author.
Other day.
She's an author.
is she published? She's an author.
is she published? are you? is she published? are you? not yet.
are you? not yet.
so you're in the exact same not yet.
so you're in the exact same category as my 6-year-old niece.
so you're in the exact same category as my 6-year-old niece.
that's not true.
Category as my 6-year-old niece.
that's not true.
murr, look, I've been in that's not true.
murr, look, I've been in airplanes.
murr, look, I've been in airplanes.
That doesn't make me a pilot.
Airplanes.
That doesn't make me a pilot.
[ laughs .]
That doesn't make me a pilot.
[ laughs .]
hi, everyone.
[ laughs .]
hi, everyone.
How are you? hi, everyone.
How are you? My name is james, and this is -- How are you? My name is james, and this is -- sal vulcano.
My name is james, and this is -- sal vulcano.
we're going to present our sal vulcano.
we're going to present our books to you.
we're going to present our books to you.
They will choose one book to Books to you.
They will choose one book to actually get published.
They will choose one book to actually get published.
Here we go.
Actually get published.
Here we go.
"how I discovered my body.
" Here we go.
"how I discovered my body.
" [ laughter .]
"how I discovered my body.
" [ laughter .]
it's a coming-of-age tale of my [ laughter .]
it's a coming-of-age tale of my background in my body.
It's a coming-of-age tale of my background in my body.
together: "the bible ii.
" Background in my body.
together: "the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
together: "the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
"the bible ii.
" [ laughter .]
"the bible ii.
" okay, so, my book, "how I "the bible ii.
" okay, so, my book, "how I discovered my body" okay, so, my book, "how I discovered my body" You see, each chapter of the Discovered my body" You see, each chapter of the book is discovering another body You see, each chapter of the book is discovering another body part as I go south.
Book is discovering another body part as I go south.
There's about 14 chapters in Part as I go south.
There's about 14 chapters in this region.
There's about 14 chapters in this region.
I didn't learn to This region.
I didn't learn to How do I say this? I didn't learn to How do I say this? I didn't learn toPleasure How do I say this? I didn't learn toPleasure myself in the typical way.
I didn't learn toPleasure myself in the typical way.
why don't you just tell the Myself in the typical way.
why don't you just tell the hulk hogan story, buddy? why don't you just tell the hulk hogan story, buddy? in the '80s, hulk hogan Hulk hogan story, buddy? in the '80s, hulk hogan oh, he's gonna do it! in the '80s, hulk hogan came out with a workout vhs tape.
Out with a workout vhs tape.
You remember it? You remember it? Then you know everything I'm Then you know everything I'm talking about.
Talking about.
this is a 100% true story.
this is a 100% true story.
so, in the tape, if you remember, he has you doing so, in the tape, if you remember, he has you doing crunches.
Remember, he has you doing crunches.
And when you hold the crunch Crunches.
And when you hold the crunch really tight And when you hold the crunch really tight It causes the pubescent male Really tight It causes the pubescent male body to achieve I became a real american.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
anybody else uncomfortable? anybody else uncomfortable? [ laughter .]
can you tell us about [ laughter .]
can you tell us about "the bible ii"? can you tell us about "the bible ii"? basically, this picks up "the bible ii"? basically, this picks up where the bible that everyone basically, this picks up where the bible that everyone knows left off.
Where the bible that everyone knows left off.
at the end of the bible, Knows left off.
at the end of the bible, jesus ended up in heaven.
at the end of the bible, jesus ended up in heaven.
His story's done.
Jesus ended up in heaven.
His story's done.
this is the newest testament, His story's done.
this is the newest testament, if you will, and it's the this is the newest testament, if you will, and it's the adventures of jesus and the If you will, and it's the adventures of jesus and the people that surround him.
Adventures of jesus and the people that surround him.
dumbfounded.
People that surround him.
dumbfounded.
Dumbfounded.
ooh.
A pastor poet.
A pastor poet.
this guy knows his [bleep.]
there's a parable in this one where jesus threw, like, a rager for, like, everyone from every Where jesus threw, like, a rager for, like, everyone from every town.
For, like, everyone from every town.
All the disciples, everyone that Town.
All the disciples, everyone that was there, you know, throughout All the disciples, everyone that was there, you know, throughout his life -- his mom, dad, Was there, you know, throughout his life -- his mom, dad, everyby was there.
His life -- his mom, dad, everyby was there.
jesus' dad? You mean god? Everyby was there.
jesus' dad? You mean god? [ laughter .]
jesus' dad? You mean god? [ laughter .]
jesus came back with a crave [ laughter .]
jesus came back with a crave case from white castle.
jesus came back with a crave case from white castle.
Crave cases have 32 Case from white castle.
Crave cases have 32 cheeseburgers in them.
Crave cases have 32 cheeseburgers in them.
They had over 100 people at this Cheeseburgers in them.
They had over 100 people at this party.
They had over 100 people at this party.
When they ran out, of course, Party.
When they ran out, of course, what did he do, jesus? When they ran out, of course, what did he do, jesus? He not only multiplied the crave What did he do, jesus? He not only multiplied the crave case into, like, 10 crave cases, He not only multiplied the crave case into, like, 10 crave cases, but he also got them chicken Case into, like, 10 crave cases, but he also got them chicken rings, french fries, and he But he also got them chicken rings, french fries, and he multiplied all that.
Rings, french fries, and he multiplied all that.
[ laughter .]
Multiplied all that.
[ laughter .]
here's my opinion on it.
[ laughter .]
here's my opinion on it.
We already know pretty much here's my opinion on it.
We already know pretty much everything there is to know We already know pretty much everything there is to know about jesus, am I right? Everything there is to know about jesus, am I right? I'm still learning about my body About jesus, am I right? I'm still learning about my body every single day.
I'm still learning about my body every single day.
how arrogant.
Every single day.
how arrogant.
Only james murray would think a how arrogant.
Only james murray would think a book needs to be written about Only james murray would think a book needs to be written about his body over jesus.
Book needs to be written about his body over jesus.
it burst.
wow! you are destroyed! [ laughter .]
you are destroyed! [ laughter .]
sal's just dialing it in.
[ laughter .]
sal's just dialing it in.
by show of hands, how many of sal's just dialing it in.
by show of hands, how many of you think that "how I discovered by show of hands, how many of you think that "how I discovered my body" should be published? You think that "how I discovered my body" should be published? One, two My body" should be published? One, two two.
One, two two.
two.
two.
two.
how many of you think that two.
how many of you think that "the bible ii" might be how many of you think that "the bible ii" might be worthwhile to be published? "the bible ii" might be worthwhile to be published? one, two, three, four, five.
Worthwhile to be published? one, two, three, four, five.
Thank you.
one, two, three, four, five.
Thank you.
together: Five! Thank you.
together: Five! jesus wins again.
together: Five! jesus wins again.
[ ding! .]
jesus wins again.
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
[ ding! .]
[ cheers and applause .]
well, according to my [ cheers and applause .]
well, according to my calculations, fellas, I won.
well, according to my calculations, fellas, I won.
So I counted them all up -- Calculations, fellas, I won.
So I counted them all up -- whoa! So I counted them all up -- whoa! yeah, I counted them all up, whoa! yeah, I counted them all up, everything we watched today.
yeah, I counted them all up, everything we watched today.
I won the mostest.
Everything we watched today.
I won the mostest.
what? I won the mostest.
what? yeah, it's true.
what? yeah, it's true.
"the mostest"? yeah, it's true.
"the mostest"? That sounds terribly unofficial.
"the mostest"? That sounds terribly unofficial.
I tell you who lost -- your That sounds terribly unofficial.
I tell you who lost -- your grammar teacher.
I tell you who lost -- your grammar teacher.
[ laughter .]
Grammar teacher.
[ laughter .]
this is for you.
[ laughter .]
this is for you.
You hold the grapes.
this is for you.
You hold the grapes.
You got these.
You hold the grapes.
You got these.
That's to fan me.
You got these.
That's to fan me.
oh, I see what's going on That's to fan me.
oh, I see what's going on here.
oh, I see what's going on here.
what do I have? Here.
what do I have? you're gonna be, like, what do I have? you're gonna be, like, king joe.
you're gonna be, like, king joe.
I got it.
All right.
King joe.
I got it.
All right.
I need a throne, so, murr, if I got it.
All right.
I need a throne, so, murr, if you do me a favor.
I need a throne, so, murr, if you do me a favor.
what the -- You do me a favor.
what the -- thank you, bud.
what the -- thank you, bud.
wait! thank you, bud.
wait! are you guys okay with this? wait! are you guys okay with this? well, I won.
are you guys okay with this? well, I won.
So, thank you so much, guys, and well, I won.
So, thank you so much, guys, and we'll see you next time on So, thank you so much, guys, and we'll see you next time on "impractical jokers" specials.
We'll see you next time on "impractical jokers" specials.
Feed me, bitches.
[ cheers and applause .]
our show doesn't work this way.
Our show doesn't work this way.
shut up, murray! shut up, murray! it doesn't! it doesn't! shut up! Shut up, murray!