Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e20 Episode Script
But, That's Not All Folks!
Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky, Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
Are you tired? Are you losing your hair? Do your thighs go thubba-Thubba when you walk? Do you need bigger teeth? Is the hood of your car on fire? Zort! Are you fresh out of dried fruit? Then don't touch that dial, my friends.
Prepare yourselves for the most important half hour In broadcast history.
And that includes last week's tender and poignant episode Of sister, sister.
But wait! There's more.
Quickly! Come with me.
You are about to be introduced To the most amazing product of all time, A product so revolutionary, That i can't even tell you what it is.
It's new! It's fresh! It's lemon-Scented! Zort! It's it's a clock radio? Ha ha ha.
No, my friend, This digimatic countdown clock Is merely here to remind us That in just 24 minutes from right now, You, our viewers, will be introduced to a product That will change your lives forever! Doris, channel 36.
A man with a large head is selling something.
[Doris talking indistinctly.]
I don't know what it is, But he says it will change our lives forever.
The brain on tv: and that's not all.
And that's not all.
Psst! Brain? The numbers are running backwards.
Oh, no.
How will those poor little numbers Be able to see where they're going? In just 23 minutes and 32 seconds, When the numbers match my partner's i.
Q.
, We shall unveil our astonishing product.
Remember: it hardens abs.
Has that handy, no-Drip spout.
Loosens rust.
Tastes great in salads.
Stops flaking.
Lightens liver spots.
Whitens teeth.
Protects your car's finish.
Slices cheese.
And puts a shine on your shoes as well as your face.
Yes, it gets those stubborn, tough-To-Reach hidden corners.
Fits into most kitchen cupboards.
Never fades.
Removes gum from hair.
Slims thighs.
Needs no refrigeration.
Trims sideburns.
Sports our easy-Open, childproof top.
Always sparkles.
And is available in 12 yummy kid-Friendly flavors! But don't take our word for it.
Our hypnotic jingle says it all.
Pinky [music.]
it's lots of fun everybody shout gotta have one don't miss out one little spray gives you that glimmer use it each day, you're sure to be slimmer go ahead and try it, but heed our warning if you don't buy it, you'll hate yourself in the morning Brain: and now, We proudly present The "my what an incredible product" dancers.
[Music box plays.]
Pinky, tonight's plan will unfold in less than one half hour.
It unfolds, too! Narf! And slides right under the bed.
Huy-Nggh! Shh! We're not on tv now, pinky.
We were on tv? I hate to disturb your lifelong mental nap, But if you'll notice, Those wires i've hooked up To the lab surveillance camera Run to a powerful Which i have built from common household tinfoil, A standard wire coat hanger, A number 3 salad fork, And that big pie plate from last thanksgiving with which i have located and stealthily tapped Into an abandoned cm-2000 satellite Orbiting our globe.
[Gasp.]
Does this mean we'll finally get the family channel? They rerun that show i like.
You know, um, With buffy and jodie and sissy.
Oh, what's it called? This idle transmitter Was yesterday but a floating piece of space flotsam.
But now it is a workhorse, Broadcasting my infomercial To every man, woman, and child, Reaching the earth's entire population as we speak.
Oh, oh, oh, here it is.
Yes! Family affair! Oof! Poit! [Gulp.]
sorry, brain.
Try to pay attention, pinky.
I've compiled the ultimate list of advertising phrases.
No one viewing this infomercial Will be able to resist making a purchase.
And once they've ordered our product, I'll be just a short step away from taking over the world! Ooh! How exciting, brain! Oh, but now, wait.
Um just what exactly is the thing that we're selling? [Music box playing.]
No time for that now, pinky.
The song is almost over.
It is time to create a buying frenzy With stilted, yet sincere, consumer testimonials.
Pinky: and now a brief word From satisfied customer police chief orrin hauser.
We were having a rash of car thefts, So we decided to give this incredible product a try.
And after only one week, The rash was gone.
No more itching or scratching, Except when we wanted to.
[Fanfare.]
I used to have a large nose and a small mole.
Then i made the purchase of a lifetime.
As you can see, i still have a large nose, But the small mole moved on to my neighbor's garden.
My name: dr.
Peter patterson.
Consider the story of patrick pickerweed, Who was a tremendous Mr.
Pickerweed placed his order and in just one week it arrived in the mail.
Never has the postal system moved so efficiently.
Narf! Yes, but, uh, After just one more week, Mr.
Pickerweed is now a svelte 157 pounds.
When he's wet! But that's not all! Man: sir, we have extreme activity With dummy station cm-2000.
It appears that some terrorist group has fallen For that abandoned satellite we put up as bait.
Oh, yeah, that's--That's fine, corporal.
Carry on.
They're transmitting some sort of signal All across the globe, sir, But i can't seem to pick it up On any of the military frequencies.
Sir? Huh? What? I said carry on, corporal.
I can't be disturbed right now.
I'm in the middle of some, uh, Important, um--Uh requisitioning.
But, sir, this may be a code red! What should i do when i trace the source of the transmission? What?! Ahem.
And you can wipe it clean.
Wipe it clean.
Uh, wipe it clean off the face of the planet! Yes, sir! Now brain: remember, folks let me get back to the important stuff.
think better than any human should buy one or many and change your life for good Narf! Brain: you may already have Many of these familiar household supplies.
Our product makes them all obsolete.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Whee! Narf! Plus, it'll pick up this hard-To-Clean mess.
Yeesh! I am a careful shopper.
I have comparison-Shopped At all the major discount chains And bait-And-Tackle outlets.
Something that does all of this Must be a real budget-Buster! Careful comparison shopper, How much would you expect to pay For a product that does all this? Um $1,000? Not while i can tear up an invoice.
"9-9 dot 9-5"? Ha ha ha! I'll stand on my head before i'll charge that much.
A whole wagonload of nickels? Not even.
But, brain, that's all i've got.
Arrgh! Ow! [Sheepishly.]
ha ha.
Then you can use your leftover money To buy a lovely new wardrobe because right here, right now, We are offering this miracle product, Today only, For only, only, only $12.
95! [Gasps.]
In 24 easy payments, With no money down And nothing due until september of 2014.
Only 14 minutes left.
Don't touch that remote control! Doris, are you watching this? [Doris speaking indistinctly.]
Yes, for $12.
95, it's irresistible.
Honey, get in here! This thing is irresistible! Hi there.
My name is jill, And i'm standing by to take your phone order.
In just a minute, We'll be giving out that most important number, So be sure to have something to write with.
This is irresistible.
I need a pen.
These terrorists are pretty clever, sir.
I still can't decode their signal, But they're uploading it to the satellite with what looks like a standard wire coat hanger, A number 3 salad fork, And a big pie plate.
What should we do, sir? Just handle it, corporal.
I'm waiting for an important phone number.
Uhperhaps your requisitioning can wait, sir? Now that's just what the terrorists want, corporal, To interfere with peaceful trade In a thriving consumer economy like ours! Are you on the side of the terrorists, corporal? No, sir.
Then just handle it.
Arming response missiles, sir.
And remember, There's only one genuine original With our name on it.
Accept no imitations.
Can you accept an imitation To your best friend's birthday party? [Honk.]
whoa! But wait, there's more! Ha ha.
Ooh, i love saying that part.
[Inhales.]
[honk.]
Stand by for that Most important phone number.
Brain: hurry, pinky.
We must set the computer To start receiving calls.
[Music box plays.]
And now, Back by popular demand, The "my what an incredible product" dancers! Brain: we will soon be deluged with telephone orders.
Oh? And what will the telephones order us to do, brain? Nothing, pinky.
For instead, Telephones shall do our bidding! Using my own modification of caller i.
D.
Technology, I have set up this massive computer To automatically answer the phone And store each caller's personal specifics.
To keep the computer from overheating, I've hooked up an elaborate 10,000-Gallon water-Cooling system.
It's all extremely safe and environmentally friendly.
Just like our product! Whatever that is.
But the important puzzle piece of this plan, pinky, Is to get everyone's address.
The world's most complete mailing list.
Because everyone in the world will be on it.
Then we shall overload the global postal system, Choking every single p.
O.
Box and mail slot With gross amounts of unwanted junk mail! The nuisance of it all Will surely drive everyone mad! But i shall be the savior.
Put me in charge of your world, And i promise to remove each and everyone's name From all junk mail lists! [Crowd cheering.]
Jumping at the opportunity, People will only realize too late That i am their new ever-Powerful And unimpeachable ruler! You--You know, brain, i never get any mail.
Pinky, you are a laboratory mouse.
In addition, you cannot spell the word cat.
Who would wish to correspond with you? Hmm someone who promises to never use the word cat? Excuse me, pinky, but the dance is almost over, And i must continue my conversation with intelligent life.
But, brain, wait! Narf! You haven't told me what we're selling.
Now, friends, it is time to give out our number.
Oof! Call now! That number again: Hang up, doris.
I have got to order this thing.
I'm gonna order 4! It's irresistible! [British accent.]
hello.
I'd like to place an order, please.
[Speaking japanese.]
[Speaking native language.]
I'll take a dozen.
Hello? Yeah, i'd like to order A good-Old-Boy pizza with extra pork rinds.
Female operator: i'm sorry.
All circuits are busy.
Please try your call again later.
Huh? Drat! I can't get through.
[Line rings.]
[busy signal.]
[Ring ring.]
Yes, sir? That's right, sir.
The telephone circuits all across the nation Are apparently overloading as we speak.
We're working on tracing the problem now, sir.
Apparently, some satellite terrorists With some kind of grudge against capitalism.
Well, what's the world coming to When the president of the united states Can't even order a pizza? Yeah, yeah.
Well, we've all got problems sir.
This is incredible, sir.
All those phone calls are going to one place, Which is also the source of the satellite broadcast! It's a business called acme labs.
Hmm domestic terrorists, eh? Now, this could be delicate.
Disarm those missiles.
Get me special weapons and tacticsarea 39a.
We welcome all credit cards, checks, money orders-- Pinky: piggy banks, school lunch vouchers, Silver dollars from the tooth fairy.
We're moving out to get those terrorists, sir.
Good work, commander.
Remember, you must call in and give us your address, As this offer is not available in any store.
And, even if it was, We wouldn't know which aisle! Narf! Less than Before we unveil our incredible product.
I'm all a-Tingle.
Ha ha ha ha! Narf! Clamp.
Sponge.
Brain: why not call now and avoid the rush? Cell phone.
Can i borrow that when you're through? This infomercial's irresistible.
Sportscaster: harv, we have a request in the press box.
Instead of showing a lot of silly instant replays, We're switching to the miracle product infomercial, Which is just moments away from that special unveiling We've all been waiting for.
Brain: offer valid in all countries, states, provinces, territories, Principalities, island groupings, And even canada.
What happened to all the trading? The what? Oh, the stock market crashed 15 minutes ago.
We've been watching this irresistible infomercial.
Ah, so i was watching this infomercial, and--Ha ha! And they say this miracle product hardens abs, Always sparkles, fits into most kitchen cupboards, And has a no-Drip spout.
So i'm thinking, richard simmonsha! Congratulations, sir.
You are caller 4 billion! And you're just in time for the unveiling of our miracle product.
Breathtaking, isn't it? Oh! Zort! Oh! What a lovely pedestal! Not the pedestal, pinky.
What's on the pedestal.
I don't know, you tell me.
Our miracle product! Just look at those classic lines, The soft shape, the easy-To-Clean finish.
Of course, those of lower intelligence Will see nothing, But the highly educated and cultured Easily see the beauty of our miracle product.
What? I don't see anything.
I'm canceling my order.
[Speaking native language.]
Um, brain, You don't really expect anyone to fall for that, do you? It doesn't matter, pinky.
Even if they cancel their orders, All of their addresses are in our water-Cooled supercomputer.
Oh, good! I thought you'd really lost it.
Zort! Red dog leader here.
All units in place and ready to attack.
Officer: affirmative, red dog.
Just waiting for word "go" from the general.
Er, i see it! Don't you? Good-Bye now, And don't forget to check your mail boxes.
toodle-Loo-Oo .
What a waste of time.
I gotta make a pit stop.
I'll call you back, doris.
After that whole show without a break, I need to use the little girls' room.
[Crowd grumbles.]
[Toilets flush.]
What in tarnation is that? Water supply levels have dropped to the danger point.
Hmm, just like when they aired The final episode of the fugitive.
What are you blathering about, corporal? Almost everyone in the country Was watching the same tv show.
And when it was over, they all flushed their toilets at once.
If that explanation was any more ridiculous, corporal, You'd be in line for a promotion.
Finally, pinky, success! Over 4 billion addresses.
The world will soon be mine.
[Sizzling.]
Eee! The computer's overheating.
What's going on? Oh, i'll bet some silly-Billy scientist Forgot to pay the water bill.
Quickly! Open up the water valves, Or we'll lose all the data.
The water pressure's coming back up, sir.
Toilets.
Told ya.
Uh-Oh, pinky.
Uh, close the valve! [Both screaming.]
Whoo-Hoo hoo! Narf! Oh, that was fun, brain! Pinky, our computer is ruined.
And all 4 billion addresses are gone! Don't worry, brain.
I'll try and remember some of them.
Let's see.
Oh, yes! There was one lady on waverly drive, um or was it driverly way? [Door bursts open.]
officer: freeze! You're under arrest for pirating a military satellite, Jamming telecommunications systems, And sabotaging the nation's water supply.
I'm sorry i caused such a problem, officer.
I'm afraid my friend and i Are a pair of genetically-Altered lab mice Who have failed in our attempt To use an elaborate mail order scheme to take over the world.
Yeah, right.
You better come up With something better than that old line.
Uh, well, uh how about we were trying to hook up our entertainment center So we could watch my friend's favorite program family affair And, uh, we left the bathtub running? What do you know? Same thing happened to my wife.
Say, do you know how to get that vcr clock to stop blinking? Uh, afraid not, officer.
We'll be happy to pay for the damage if you'd care to bill us.
Aw, nah.
These things happen.
Sorry to bother you boys.
Enjoy the show.
Pinky, let's mop up and prepare for tomorrow night.
What, brain? What we going to do tomorrow night, In just 30 minutes? The same thing we do every night, pinky, No matter how long it takes.
Try to take over the world! they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain President: where's my pizza? warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org--
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
Are you tired? Are you losing your hair? Do your thighs go thubba-Thubba when you walk? Do you need bigger teeth? Is the hood of your car on fire? Zort! Are you fresh out of dried fruit? Then don't touch that dial, my friends.
Prepare yourselves for the most important half hour In broadcast history.
And that includes last week's tender and poignant episode Of sister, sister.
But wait! There's more.
Quickly! Come with me.
You are about to be introduced To the most amazing product of all time, A product so revolutionary, That i can't even tell you what it is.
It's new! It's fresh! It's lemon-Scented! Zort! It's it's a clock radio? Ha ha ha.
No, my friend, This digimatic countdown clock Is merely here to remind us That in just 24 minutes from right now, You, our viewers, will be introduced to a product That will change your lives forever! Doris, channel 36.
A man with a large head is selling something.
[Doris talking indistinctly.]
I don't know what it is, But he says it will change our lives forever.
The brain on tv: and that's not all.
And that's not all.
Psst! Brain? The numbers are running backwards.
Oh, no.
How will those poor little numbers Be able to see where they're going? In just 23 minutes and 32 seconds, When the numbers match my partner's i.
Q.
, We shall unveil our astonishing product.
Remember: it hardens abs.
Has that handy, no-Drip spout.
Loosens rust.
Tastes great in salads.
Stops flaking.
Lightens liver spots.
Whitens teeth.
Protects your car's finish.
Slices cheese.
And puts a shine on your shoes as well as your face.
Yes, it gets those stubborn, tough-To-Reach hidden corners.
Fits into most kitchen cupboards.
Never fades.
Removes gum from hair.
Slims thighs.
Needs no refrigeration.
Trims sideburns.
Sports our easy-Open, childproof top.
Always sparkles.
And is available in 12 yummy kid-Friendly flavors! But don't take our word for it.
Our hypnotic jingle says it all.
Pinky [music.]
it's lots of fun everybody shout gotta have one don't miss out one little spray gives you that glimmer use it each day, you're sure to be slimmer go ahead and try it, but heed our warning if you don't buy it, you'll hate yourself in the morning Brain: and now, We proudly present The "my what an incredible product" dancers.
[Music box plays.]
Pinky, tonight's plan will unfold in less than one half hour.
It unfolds, too! Narf! And slides right under the bed.
Huy-Nggh! Shh! We're not on tv now, pinky.
We were on tv? I hate to disturb your lifelong mental nap, But if you'll notice, Those wires i've hooked up To the lab surveillance camera Run to a powerful Which i have built from common household tinfoil, A standard wire coat hanger, A number 3 salad fork, And that big pie plate from last thanksgiving with which i have located and stealthily tapped Into an abandoned cm-2000 satellite Orbiting our globe.
[Gasp.]
Does this mean we'll finally get the family channel? They rerun that show i like.
You know, um, With buffy and jodie and sissy.
Oh, what's it called? This idle transmitter Was yesterday but a floating piece of space flotsam.
But now it is a workhorse, Broadcasting my infomercial To every man, woman, and child, Reaching the earth's entire population as we speak.
Oh, oh, oh, here it is.
Yes! Family affair! Oof! Poit! [Gulp.]
sorry, brain.
Try to pay attention, pinky.
I've compiled the ultimate list of advertising phrases.
No one viewing this infomercial Will be able to resist making a purchase.
And once they've ordered our product, I'll be just a short step away from taking over the world! Ooh! How exciting, brain! Oh, but now, wait.
Um just what exactly is the thing that we're selling? [Music box playing.]
No time for that now, pinky.
The song is almost over.
It is time to create a buying frenzy With stilted, yet sincere, consumer testimonials.
Pinky: and now a brief word From satisfied customer police chief orrin hauser.
We were having a rash of car thefts, So we decided to give this incredible product a try.
And after only one week, The rash was gone.
No more itching or scratching, Except when we wanted to.
[Fanfare.]
I used to have a large nose and a small mole.
Then i made the purchase of a lifetime.
As you can see, i still have a large nose, But the small mole moved on to my neighbor's garden.
My name: dr.
Peter patterson.
Consider the story of patrick pickerweed, Who was a tremendous Mr.
Pickerweed placed his order and in just one week it arrived in the mail.
Never has the postal system moved so efficiently.
Narf! Yes, but, uh, After just one more week, Mr.
Pickerweed is now a svelte 157 pounds.
When he's wet! But that's not all! Man: sir, we have extreme activity With dummy station cm-2000.
It appears that some terrorist group has fallen For that abandoned satellite we put up as bait.
Oh, yeah, that's--That's fine, corporal.
Carry on.
They're transmitting some sort of signal All across the globe, sir, But i can't seem to pick it up On any of the military frequencies.
Sir? Huh? What? I said carry on, corporal.
I can't be disturbed right now.
I'm in the middle of some, uh, Important, um--Uh requisitioning.
But, sir, this may be a code red! What should i do when i trace the source of the transmission? What?! Ahem.
And you can wipe it clean.
Wipe it clean.
Uh, wipe it clean off the face of the planet! Yes, sir! Now brain: remember, folks let me get back to the important stuff.
think better than any human should buy one or many and change your life for good Narf! Brain: you may already have Many of these familiar household supplies.
Our product makes them all obsolete.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Whee! Narf! Plus, it'll pick up this hard-To-Clean mess.
Yeesh! I am a careful shopper.
I have comparison-Shopped At all the major discount chains And bait-And-Tackle outlets.
Something that does all of this Must be a real budget-Buster! Careful comparison shopper, How much would you expect to pay For a product that does all this? Um $1,000? Not while i can tear up an invoice.
"9-9 dot 9-5"? Ha ha ha! I'll stand on my head before i'll charge that much.
A whole wagonload of nickels? Not even.
But, brain, that's all i've got.
Arrgh! Ow! [Sheepishly.]
ha ha.
Then you can use your leftover money To buy a lovely new wardrobe because right here, right now, We are offering this miracle product, Today only, For only, only, only $12.
95! [Gasps.]
In 24 easy payments, With no money down And nothing due until september of 2014.
Only 14 minutes left.
Don't touch that remote control! Doris, are you watching this? [Doris speaking indistinctly.]
Yes, for $12.
95, it's irresistible.
Honey, get in here! This thing is irresistible! Hi there.
My name is jill, And i'm standing by to take your phone order.
In just a minute, We'll be giving out that most important number, So be sure to have something to write with.
This is irresistible.
I need a pen.
These terrorists are pretty clever, sir.
I still can't decode their signal, But they're uploading it to the satellite with what looks like a standard wire coat hanger, A number 3 salad fork, And a big pie plate.
What should we do, sir? Just handle it, corporal.
I'm waiting for an important phone number.
Uhperhaps your requisitioning can wait, sir? Now that's just what the terrorists want, corporal, To interfere with peaceful trade In a thriving consumer economy like ours! Are you on the side of the terrorists, corporal? No, sir.
Then just handle it.
Arming response missiles, sir.
And remember, There's only one genuine original With our name on it.
Accept no imitations.
Can you accept an imitation To your best friend's birthday party? [Honk.]
whoa! But wait, there's more! Ha ha.
Ooh, i love saying that part.
[Inhales.]
[honk.]
Stand by for that Most important phone number.
Brain: hurry, pinky.
We must set the computer To start receiving calls.
[Music box plays.]
And now, Back by popular demand, The "my what an incredible product" dancers! Brain: we will soon be deluged with telephone orders.
Oh? And what will the telephones order us to do, brain? Nothing, pinky.
For instead, Telephones shall do our bidding! Using my own modification of caller i.
D.
Technology, I have set up this massive computer To automatically answer the phone And store each caller's personal specifics.
To keep the computer from overheating, I've hooked up an elaborate 10,000-Gallon water-Cooling system.
It's all extremely safe and environmentally friendly.
Just like our product! Whatever that is.
But the important puzzle piece of this plan, pinky, Is to get everyone's address.
The world's most complete mailing list.
Because everyone in the world will be on it.
Then we shall overload the global postal system, Choking every single p.
O.
Box and mail slot With gross amounts of unwanted junk mail! The nuisance of it all Will surely drive everyone mad! But i shall be the savior.
Put me in charge of your world, And i promise to remove each and everyone's name From all junk mail lists! [Crowd cheering.]
Jumping at the opportunity, People will only realize too late That i am their new ever-Powerful And unimpeachable ruler! You--You know, brain, i never get any mail.
Pinky, you are a laboratory mouse.
In addition, you cannot spell the word cat.
Who would wish to correspond with you? Hmm someone who promises to never use the word cat? Excuse me, pinky, but the dance is almost over, And i must continue my conversation with intelligent life.
But, brain, wait! Narf! You haven't told me what we're selling.
Now, friends, it is time to give out our number.
Oof! Call now! That number again: Hang up, doris.
I have got to order this thing.
I'm gonna order 4! It's irresistible! [British accent.]
hello.
I'd like to place an order, please.
[Speaking japanese.]
[Speaking native language.]
I'll take a dozen.
Hello? Yeah, i'd like to order A good-Old-Boy pizza with extra pork rinds.
Female operator: i'm sorry.
All circuits are busy.
Please try your call again later.
Huh? Drat! I can't get through.
[Line rings.]
[busy signal.]
[Ring ring.]
Yes, sir? That's right, sir.
The telephone circuits all across the nation Are apparently overloading as we speak.
We're working on tracing the problem now, sir.
Apparently, some satellite terrorists With some kind of grudge against capitalism.
Well, what's the world coming to When the president of the united states Can't even order a pizza? Yeah, yeah.
Well, we've all got problems sir.
This is incredible, sir.
All those phone calls are going to one place, Which is also the source of the satellite broadcast! It's a business called acme labs.
Hmm domestic terrorists, eh? Now, this could be delicate.
Disarm those missiles.
Get me special weapons and tacticsarea 39a.
We welcome all credit cards, checks, money orders-- Pinky: piggy banks, school lunch vouchers, Silver dollars from the tooth fairy.
We're moving out to get those terrorists, sir.
Good work, commander.
Remember, you must call in and give us your address, As this offer is not available in any store.
And, even if it was, We wouldn't know which aisle! Narf! Less than Before we unveil our incredible product.
I'm all a-Tingle.
Ha ha ha ha! Narf! Clamp.
Sponge.
Brain: why not call now and avoid the rush? Cell phone.
Can i borrow that when you're through? This infomercial's irresistible.
Sportscaster: harv, we have a request in the press box.
Instead of showing a lot of silly instant replays, We're switching to the miracle product infomercial, Which is just moments away from that special unveiling We've all been waiting for.
Brain: offer valid in all countries, states, provinces, territories, Principalities, island groupings, And even canada.
What happened to all the trading? The what? Oh, the stock market crashed 15 minutes ago.
We've been watching this irresistible infomercial.
Ah, so i was watching this infomercial, and--Ha ha! And they say this miracle product hardens abs, Always sparkles, fits into most kitchen cupboards, And has a no-Drip spout.
So i'm thinking, richard simmonsha! Congratulations, sir.
You are caller 4 billion! And you're just in time for the unveiling of our miracle product.
Breathtaking, isn't it? Oh! Zort! Oh! What a lovely pedestal! Not the pedestal, pinky.
What's on the pedestal.
I don't know, you tell me.
Our miracle product! Just look at those classic lines, The soft shape, the easy-To-Clean finish.
Of course, those of lower intelligence Will see nothing, But the highly educated and cultured Easily see the beauty of our miracle product.
What? I don't see anything.
I'm canceling my order.
[Speaking native language.]
Um, brain, You don't really expect anyone to fall for that, do you? It doesn't matter, pinky.
Even if they cancel their orders, All of their addresses are in our water-Cooled supercomputer.
Oh, good! I thought you'd really lost it.
Zort! Red dog leader here.
All units in place and ready to attack.
Officer: affirmative, red dog.
Just waiting for word "go" from the general.
Er, i see it! Don't you? Good-Bye now, And don't forget to check your mail boxes.
toodle-Loo-Oo .
What a waste of time.
I gotta make a pit stop.
I'll call you back, doris.
After that whole show without a break, I need to use the little girls' room.
[Crowd grumbles.]
[Toilets flush.]
What in tarnation is that? Water supply levels have dropped to the danger point.
Hmm, just like when they aired The final episode of the fugitive.
What are you blathering about, corporal? Almost everyone in the country Was watching the same tv show.
And when it was over, they all flushed their toilets at once.
If that explanation was any more ridiculous, corporal, You'd be in line for a promotion.
Finally, pinky, success! Over 4 billion addresses.
The world will soon be mine.
[Sizzling.]
Eee! The computer's overheating.
What's going on? Oh, i'll bet some silly-Billy scientist Forgot to pay the water bill.
Quickly! Open up the water valves, Or we'll lose all the data.
The water pressure's coming back up, sir.
Toilets.
Told ya.
Uh-Oh, pinky.
Uh, close the valve! [Both screaming.]
Whoo-Hoo hoo! Narf! Oh, that was fun, brain! Pinky, our computer is ruined.
And all 4 billion addresses are gone! Don't worry, brain.
I'll try and remember some of them.
Let's see.
Oh, yes! There was one lady on waverly drive, um or was it driverly way? [Door bursts open.]
officer: freeze! You're under arrest for pirating a military satellite, Jamming telecommunications systems, And sabotaging the nation's water supply.
I'm sorry i caused such a problem, officer.
I'm afraid my friend and i Are a pair of genetically-Altered lab mice Who have failed in our attempt To use an elaborate mail order scheme to take over the world.
Yeah, right.
You better come up With something better than that old line.
Uh, well, uh how about we were trying to hook up our entertainment center So we could watch my friend's favorite program family affair And, uh, we left the bathtub running? What do you know? Same thing happened to my wife.
Say, do you know how to get that vcr clock to stop blinking? Uh, afraid not, officer.
We'll be happy to pay for the damage if you'd care to bill us.
Aw, nah.
These things happen.
Sorry to bother you boys.
Enjoy the show.
Pinky, let's mop up and prepare for tomorrow night.
What, brain? What we going to do tomorrow night, In just 30 minutes? The same thing we do every night, pinky, No matter how long it takes.
Try to take over the world! they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain President: where's my pizza? warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org--