The Conners (2018) s03e20 Episode Script

1 Whatcha doin'? Uh, making a kitty for me and Ben to save money toward getting our own place.
And I want to show him how much it means to me that he's been so patient.
Cool.
How much have you saved so far? Well, I sold the tickets to Hawaii, and I was able to hold back 500 bucks for us.
And with what I've saved from my paychecks, that would be $543.
43 bucks? You can't even afford Lanford.
It's hard.
I'm trying to save up for a place with Ben, but even with the ticket money, Dad still needs help with the mortgage.
I'm sure Ben will understand.
It's easy to be patient when this is the prize.
Look, I know I've pushed it to the limit with Ben.
Believe me, I saw how underwhelmed he was by my declaration of love and devotion in front of the whole family.
Suddenly, this cookie jar isn't the slam dunk I thought it was.
Left, left, left.
Straight, straight, straight.
When you blindfolded me, I thought I knew where this was going.
But now that we're outside, I wish I had worn better underwear.
Oh, m Oh, my God.
Is that our trailer? Yep.
While you were sick, I was fixing it up for us.
Eh, I know it's a little small.
So? You know, some nights we'll stay in the camper, and some nights, when I want to stand up straight, we'll stay at a hotel.
I think it would be really fun for the weekends.
Why just the weekends? I would love to spend a month with you on the road.
Really? You're okay spending that much time with me? Why wouldn't I? 'Cause you said you needed your own place as a getaway, and you were pretty clear it's me you were getting away from.
Yeah, that that was before I had COVID.
Turns out that whole independence thing doesn't seem quite as important when you're alone and scared you're gonna die.
Now I just want to be with you as much as I can.
Wow.
So compared to death, I'm looking pretty good, huh? Mm.
You're looking very good.
Why don't you give me five minutes to turn the toilet back to a bed? Oh, you talk all pretty like that and expect me to wait five minutes? in the Hundred Years' War? Jackie.
Who is Edith Piaf? - Is she watching it again? - Yeah.
Jackie, it's not going to change.
You have to stop watching your episode of "Jeopardy!" I can't.
I'm looking for a clue about why I blew this so badly.
Maybe I just got rattled having Aaron Rodgers hosting the show.
I can see why the Bears never sack him.
They're frozen, staring into those blue eyes.
You can't just sit here.
Sooner or later, you have to go back to work.
I can't go back to The Lunch Box.
Everybody's gonna make fun of me.
Oh, nobody cares that you lost on "Jeopardy!" That was two days ago.
You have to humiliate yourself on a daily basis to hold people's interest.
Oh, really? Mark, show him.
Oh, good Lord.
What kind of monsters do this? 25-year-old liberal arts grads living in their parents' basement which I officially retract if I'm still here in four years.
Wait, what is that one? The one where it says "Buck Rodgers" but the "B" is replaced by an asterisk? It's not "Buck.
" It's some Bears fan that likes that Aunt Jackie roasted Aaron Rodgers on TV.
Ugh.
75,000 views and 25,000 likes.
- Really? - Yeah.
This is good.
I mean, it's not millions and millions of views, like the guy feeding hot dogs to raccoons, but for Chicagoans, this may be a big deal.
You know, if Grandma Bev saw these, she'd see you're a hero to these people.
If you could get even 1% of those likes to come to The Lunch Box That kind of success would be like dropping a house on my mother.
I'm pretty sure she was the inspiration for that character.
And if it happened, I'd take her damn shoes, too.
Mark! Can you make me an Instagram? Well, since you're saying it that way, I guess I'm the only logical candidate.
Hey, where's Louise? She went home.
So, listen, I want to talk to you kids about something that's on my mind.
I think I'm gonna ask Louise to marry me.
Oh, my God.
That's fantastic! Mazel tov! You know, Jewish rehab.
Where's this coming from? Oh, the thought's always been there.
She's funny.
She's beautiful.
She's way out of my league.
We just fit.
We all agree she's too good for you.
Why propose now? She just told me she nearly died of COVID, and I almost never got to show her I wanted to be with her forever.
And I got to thinking, "What are you waitin' for?" If you're gonna replace grandpa's horseshoe, uh, at least give him a sugar cube for being a good boy.
Grandpa said I could give him a tattoo so I could show my boss and he'll give me a chair at the shop.
I'm getting "Louise" on my calf.
Well, you better hope she'll say yes, then.
Louise? I don't think so.
Why wouldn't she? I mean, let's be honest.
Louise is a rock-and-roller.
She never got married by choice, and why would she? Marriage is an antiquated institution that strangles love and destroys lives.
Don't listen to Harris.
She's broken.
I ruined her.
I say go for it, Dad.
The worst that could happen is she'll say no.
Just confirming you still want "Louise" on your calf? Yeah, I think I'm still gonna ask her.
But let's just put "Lou" for now.
Dependent on her answer, we may have to add "Ferrigno" later.
3x21 - Two Proposals, a Homecoming and a Bear What's going on? You know how Aunt Jackie was the biggest laughingstock on the Internet? That's not nice, Mark.
But, yes, I do.
Well, I'm gonna cash in some of that stock to promote The Lunch Box.
Check this out.
Hi, I'm "Jeopardy!" Jackie.
You might remember me from my senseless attack on Aaron Rodgers! Edith Piaf.
Edith Piaf.
Edith Piaf, Edith Piaf.
And if you like your cheese on your pizza and not on your head, I'm inviting all my fellow Bears fans to come on down to The Lunch Box in Lanford.
I'll give you 10% off your meal, because I'm crazy! Also, you gotta try this week's special Rice Edith Pilaf.
Uh-oh! Did I mention I'm crazy?! If this works, Bears fans are gonna show up, and me succeeding is gonna give my mom a heart attack or something slower, which is more fun for me.
What if it doesn't work? Well, then you'll come over to my place and pick out what you like from my closet.
She's kidding.
She's not gonna kill herself.
Mommy's here! - Oh, my God.
- Hey! Why didn't you tell me you were coming? - Geena! - Hey! Well, I got a few days' leave, and I'm fully vaccinated, so I wanted to come home and surprise my baby.
This is crazy.
For some reason, I felt the need to be here right now, and then you showed up.
I have goose bumps.
Do you have goose bumps? Not yet, honey, but I'm sure they're coming.
I can't wait to catch up with y'all.
How's everybody been? Oh, you know, same old, same old.
Grandpa almost lost his house to the bank.
He said he was gonna sit on the porch with a gun.
Oh, it was just a simple foreclosure, and we stopped it.
For now.
You know kids.
Well, uh, thank God he has his drywalling business.
COVID didn't stop construction.
No, it killed his drywall business, and COVID almost killed Louise.
Wait, Louise had COVID? Is she okay now? Yeah, thank God she had my dad for support.
It's a miracle he didn't get gored by that forklift.
What? Oh, yeah.
His hearing is shot.
He almost got run over.
But he's fine.
Oh, well that's good.
Um, what's up with you guys? How's the magazine going? Uh, we lost that.
Do you want some coffee? So, what are you doing for work? Oh, well, here's the good news I am now a manager at Wellman Plastics.
And she's doing great.
Except for the crippling panic attacks.
Panic attacks? That's awful.
Are you okay? Oh, yeah.
I'm making progress.
Yeah, Becky, you don't know this, but it got a lot better when you were in rehab.
You were in rehab.
Is there any other good news I need to sit down for? Hmm.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Jackie was on "Jeopardy!," and Aaron Rodgers has a restraining order against her.
Yeah, it's got his signature on it and everything.
Uh, well, now that we're all caught up, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to give my husband a big kiss hello after eight months, and I'd rather not have an audience.
We'll be right back.
How come you didn't tell me what was going on around here? I should've known.
Hey, it all sounded normal until I heard it all put together.
You know what? This family's screwed up.
I'm ready for my kiss.
Okay.
Close your eyes.
Afternoon.
Uh, would you mind locking that door behind you? Oh, smart.
Staying safe by limiting customers? No, I get robbed a lot.
I'm Steve.
Welcome to Sheer Brilliance.
How can I make your day sparkle? We're looking for an engagement ring.
Congratulations.
It's nice bringing the fiancée and the daughter to pick.
That way, nobody's unhappy.
It's actually the fiancée and her mother.
They're my daughters, and no offense, but I would never marry either one of them.
That hurts, but it's also reassuring.
So, about how much are you thinking of spending? Or as we say in the jewelry business, how much do you love her? Uh, I love her I love her more than this, and a lot less than this.
Yeah, that price range is over there by the keychains.
I hope Louise says yes.
'Cause when you find someone who really gets you, who knows all the damage and all the baggage and loves you anyway, that's the real thing.
I hope I find that someday.
Oh, well, you have the baggage and the damage part, so it could happen.
Hey, what do you think of this ring? That's a man's ring, but you could pull it off.
No, I mean for Ben.
That's a wedding ring.
I know.
I'm standing here looking at all these rings, and I realize that that's the next step I have to take.
I want to show him that I'm ready for the kind of commitment that he's looking for.
I'm gonna propose to Ben.
Oh, my God.
He will be so happy, he won't even smell the desperation.
Yeah, he's been asking me forever.
He's gonna go crazy, right? I'm getting married.
Yeah, you are! Yay! - Dad? - Hmm? How would you feel about a double wedding? Nope.
I don't care which one of ya's pregnant.
Nobody's taking my day away from me.
Nobody's pregnant.
It's your barren daughter, Darlene.
She's going to ask Ben to marry her.
I am.
Yeah, all the things she said.
Congratulations! Still not doing it on my big day.
So, what's going on with you two? We got into it last night about him not telling me what was happening in the house.
We were really careful to keep the drama away from Mary.
I know the rehab stuff sounds bad, but I never drank in front of the kids.
No.
Of course.
But I should have been here.
And I feel terrible that you had to worry about her with everything else that was going on.
Hey, don't beat yourself up.
It's hard to raise a kid and have a career.
I couldn't do it.
Drove me to drinking.
It's a lot to take on by yourself.
I'm lucky I had DJ to help me.
Well, until he started to become successful.
Yeah, we were all blindsided by that.
Hey, you haven't seen the pictures of Mary's first dance at school.
That's right.
She told me about that.
Let me see.
They did line dances.
The girls danced on one side, and the boys did gawky boy stuff on the other side.
This reminds me of when DJ and I had our first school dance.
We were Mary's age.
Oh, gosh, she's gonna marry one of these losers.
She had a thing for T-shirt Tuxedo, but that's over now, thank goodness.
The cutest thing was she asked me to do her makeup.
It was so sweet.
That does sound sweet.
I didn't know about that.
Hey.
There's gonna be a lot more dances.
Yeah, but I'm gonna be in Afghanistan for those, too.
This is crazy.
There's a line outside.
It's amazing.
We're gonna triple the best day we ever had ever, and thank God you're here.
'Cause Neville can deliver a baby giraffe, but he can't carry a sandwich eight feet without the pickle rolling off.
Hey! Round things roll off flat surfaces.
It's physics, people.
Man, if this keeps up, you could come back.
This kind of business could support both of us.
That would be amazing.
We just have to hope the novelty doesn't wear off.
It doesn't have to.
You could capitalize on all this momentum.
There are no Bears bars in Lanford.
This could be the one.
The key word there is "bar.
" I can't afford a beer and wine license, and I'd have to get big-screen TVs in here and some sort of décor that says "fun sports place" rather than, you know, "eat and get out.
" I'll put up the money to do it all.
Then I could quit the factory, and then I could bring Beverly Rose to work with me.
And then I could take online college classes during my breaks.
Holy crap.
You know, at rehab, they said, "Let go and let God.
" and all I had to do was let you make a fool of yourself on "Jeopardy!" Neville Why are you doing this? Because I believe in you.
I mean, look what you did here.
You got your ass handed to you, and you came back strong.
No one's ever wanted to invest in me.
Well, you deserve it.
And besides, I've come to hate your mother so much that I really want to stick it to her.
No one's ever hated my mom with me before.
Oh.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
I wasn't expecting company, but if you want a marshmallow, I can go get another screwdriver.
No thanks.
I just had a sandwich off a wrench.
What do you got there? Well, I, uh I know you want us to move in together, and I want that, too.
So I bought us a house.
Aww.
Well, that's sweet.
Well, it's big enough for you to live in, but where am I gonna stay? That's actually just where I'm putting the money.
I'm saving to get us a place that's at least twice that size.
Reach in and see how much I've saved.
Is this what I think it is? It's a ring box, but what do you think it is? You are an amazing man.
And I am incredibly grateful for what we have.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Now, I know that finding a way to be together hasn't always been easy, but being apart has been impossible.
I love you.
Ben Olinsky, will you marry me? I'm sorry, but no.
What do you mean, "no?" I-If this is a joke, you better get to the funny part fast.
It isn't a joke.
I-I don't understand.
I thought this is what you wanted.
Yeah, I did.
But while you've been off going through your midlife crisis, I've been sleeping in the back of a hardware store thinking about why I have been excusing you for making everything more important than me.
Because you love me.
And I'm I'm an adorable idiot, right? Come on.
Don't give up on me now that I've finally realized what I have.
I mean, I just asked you to marry me.
I know.
But I don't trust it.
You tell me that you want to be with me, but then you always choose someone or something else over me, like your ex-husband or your dad's mortgage or needing to go to Hawaii.
I don't want to set myself up for that.
Wait, are you breaking up with me? If you push me right now for an answer, but I would rather take some time apart to think.
God.
You must be so angry with me.
Mostly, I'm just tired.
And sad.
Well, if that's what I do to you, then I should go.
Hey, everybody, we got something big to tell you.
What's up? I'm moving back home with my mom and dad! I've decided to not go back to Afghanistan.
- You're kidding! That's fantastic! - That's awesome! Hey, if you're deserting, you might want to move off-base.
That's the first place they'll look.
I'm not deserting.
I'm retiring.
- Oh! - Yay! Yeah, I've accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish in the service.
It's time.
Yeah, but don't worry, we're gonna be over plenty.
While you guys work out all your problems, we're gonna make new memories as a happy family.
I'm really happy for Mary.
She needed this.
Hold on a second.
I've got news, too.
Um, The Lunch Box is doing great, and I don't want to leave you short-handed at the factory, - but - You're fired.
You can scam some unemployment from Wellman.
You are the best sister ever! I'm going to give you the biggest wedding present you can imagine! Thanks.
Sorry.
Dropped a dish.
Well, I did it.
I proposed to Louise.
Oh, my God.
How could she say no? Oh.
Uh, don't feel bad, Dad.
Ben said he doesn't want to marry me, either.
We're getting married! Oh, look at your faces.
Your dad really got you.
Oh, it's okay.
Congratulations, Louise.
I'm really happy for you guys.
What did I miss? Ben said no.
Oh.
- You want me to leave? - No.
No.
What happened? This is crazy.
He's been begging you to commit for like two years.
I waited too long.
You know, I put him through too much.
- I blew it.
- So, that's it? It's over? He said he needs time to think about what he wants.
Ben's making a huge mistake, but he's not a stupid man.
He'll be back.
Hey, I-I'm all right, Dad.
You should go celebrate with Louise.
She's got a $250 ring on her finger.
She ain't going nowhere.
I don't understand why we're doing a bunch of "Just Married" stuff to the trailer before we even know when they're getting married.
'Cause they're taking a trip tomorrow, and they're probably gonna elope.
They're young, they're in love, and they don't care what their parents think 'cause their parents are dead.
Grab the stencils and spray cans, and let's do this.
Whoo.
You saw the trailer was rocking! Why would you open the door?! I don't know.
I thought maybe one of them fell down and couldn't get up.
Well, obviously, it was Louise.
She couldn't get up with with Dan on top of her.
Ohh!