The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s03e20 Episode Script

Get up.
Hurry, everybody, get up! Yo, what's the matter, Uncle Phil? Calm down, Will, calm down.
It's Vivian, she's having the baby.
That ain't what's scaring me.
You ain't got no drawers on! Okay.
Mother, are you all right? Of course you're not all right.
You're having a baby.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Hilary, sweetie, come here.
Having a baby is very spiritual.
This is my last baby and I am never going to experience this miracle again.
Here comes another contraction.
Why, that wasn't so bad.
Hilary, honey, don't be so dramatic.
My hand.
All right, it's cool.
Everything's cool, Aunt Viv.
Everything's cool.
All right, check it out.
Carlton, you boil some water.
Ashley, you go get some blankets.
Hilary, you circle the wagons.
- Will, honey, what are you talking about? - I wish to God I knew, Aunt Viv.
Mom, I think what Will is referring to is Oh, my God, the pains are getting closer.
Carlton, honey, get up off the floor.
My hand! What is wrong with everybody? Philip, pull up your damn pants and let's go! - Aunt Viv, I wanna go, too.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
You know, I could really use somebody to hold my hand.
- Wonder if Mom had the baby yet.
- I know.
Birth is a miraculous thing, isn't it? To think I was once inside of a woman's body.
I find that hard to believe.
I think we all do, Carlton.
Hi, Mom.
Mom! Mom, you're still pregnant.
You think? - I can't do this anymore.
- Look, me neither.
I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night by a naked man running around the house.
I'm sorry, I thought you were all asleep.
Not you, G.
Oh, never mind.
Look, now, everybody calm down.
False alarms happen all the time.
But Uncle Phil was naked, Aunt Viv.
Shut up, Will.
Vivian, I wanna have this baby already.
You think I don't? I feel like I ate a Buick.
Look like a Winnebago from here.
Baby, is there anything more I can do for you? Will you look at her, Uncle Phil? Haven't you done enough? Leave her alone.
I'm fine, Philip.
Thank you.
Good, I gotta lay down.
Can I get you some tea, madam? That would be lovely, Geoffrey.
Bring it to the laundry room.
I'll be sitting on the dryer.
Poor Mom.
Poor Mom? Poor me.
I saw Uncle Phil naked.
And he was running.
What can I get for you, madam? Geoffrey, I've got a proposition for you.
Perhaps if we were both younger, and I didn't work for you.
Not that kind of proposition, Geoffrey.
I will give you $50 to drive me over a set of railroad tracks.
Well, Doctor, the pains are coming closer together.
Well, they start in the abdomen and they kind of radiate up and down in all directions.
Philip, what are you talking about? I'm not having any pains.
Well, I am.
Well, yes, Thursday afternoon will be fine.
Yes, thank you.
Yes, your Majesty? Geoffrey, from an objective point of view, who is having this baby? Him or me? It's rather difficult to tell just by looking.
She's in here.
Look, whatever you do, don't mention her chins.
Or her ankles.
Or her feet.
And whatever you do, never ever feed her after midnight.
Poor Diva.
Look at you.
- I'm sick of this.
- Look at you.
No more, y'all, come on.
No more.
- Will, why are you crying? - I don't know, man.
Wait a minute, where's Helen? She couldn't come.
She had to go to court with Lester.
Well, I thought the divorce was final months ago.
That's right and everything was going so well until she saw Lester with another woman and that's when she snatched off the wig.
- She snatched off the woman's wig? - No, Lester's.
What a novel idea, that little bell.
Geoffrey, would you get us all something to eat, please? Golly, yes.
It's great to be working in the big house.
You've all met our butler, Chicken George? Don't you worry, Vivian, I am going to take good care of you.
Me, too.
I'm so happy you guys are here.
I was beginning to feel like nobody understood me.
We're family.
We love you.
Stop with the damn bell! That's it, I'm never going back up there again.
I'm sorry I ever went up there in the first place.
I took her some honey for her tea.
She tells me she does not want honey from California.
She wants honey from New Mexico.
Please.
Diva needs to get her butt out of Bel-Air a little more often.
If it get any bigger, it'll be in and out of Bel-Air at the same time.
Oh, my goodness.
All right, come on, y'all.
This ain't easy on Aunt Viv.
I mean, the baby is a week late.
All right, that bell is mine.
Who's with me? All right, Hilary, you act like you're gonna hug her and then pin her arms down.
- I know the chokehold.
- Better.
Hold it, now.
Now, that's enough.
Now, you know this is harder on her than it is on us.
We're her family, we have to be here for her.
You guys, why isn't anybody answering my bell? Could somebody please come upstairs and keep me company? You hate me, don't you? Okay, I know this has been hard to take and this baby does not look like he's coming any time too soon so why don't we just take a breather from one another? You know, just for a little while.
Hello? Geoffrey, have you seen my bell? What bell? I don't blame you, Geoffrey, I've been pretty unbearable.
Do you think my family is ever gonna come back? I doubt it.
Why don't you sit down and let me make you some tea? Geoffrey, you know, you always know what to do.
Now, you relax.
If anything happens, Mr.
Banks has Master William's beeper.
And I'm sure your sisters will be back from the salon any minute.
Hilary, this is great.
I really needed this.
I know, and some electrolysis wouldn't hurt you, either.
This could get ugly.
We're family.
Aren't you guys finished yet? Carlton, Aunt Vy is getting a makeover.
It could take hours.
Am I wearing a "kick me" sign? I don't see why women spend so much time in these places.
Wow.
Forget college, I'm going to beauty school.
Look, if I'm not back in 20 minutes, be really happy for me.
- Way to go, speedy.
- Shut up.
You know, Will, I could have driven myself here for my examination.
I don't think so, Uncle Phil.
I think you're taking this sympathy pains thing just a wee bit too far.
Don't be ridiculous, Will.
Oh, my God.
I think my water broke.
Oh, my God, it's Vivian.
She's having the baby.
- We gotta get to the hospital! - Uncle Phil we in the hospital.
Good, 'cause I'm having a heart attack.
Uncle Phil, I think you better let me take care of this.
False alarm, Uncle Phil.
It's for me, it's Carla.
No, Uncle Phil, that's 40, 24, 36.
Shut up.
Excuse me, sir, would you mind putting out that cigarette? It's a free country.
That's right, it certainly is but it's against the law to smoke cigarettes in elevators.
That's right, boy, this is a New Jack City.
You the man.
You the man.
You the big man that broke the elevator.
Geoffrey, I think we better beep Mr.
Banks.
Oh, dear.
Okay.
Keep calm.
I think we'd better beep Mr.
Banks.
- Geoffrey, I just said that.
- Good, that's good.
Now, we're on the same train of thought.
How do you work this bloody thing? Thank God you're here.
Oh, God! Uncle Phil, is that you? No, but you have really soft hands.
Mommy! Ma! Relax, Will.
I'm sure they'll have us out of here in no time.
Uncle Phil, that's Aunt Viv.
Oh, my God, somebody get us out of here! I'm having a baby! Something must be wrong.
I've beeped him twice and he still hasn't answered.
My hand! I'd better try the beauty salon.
So, while she's been stepping out on him he's been having an affair with her sister.
But she works here so keep it quiet.
- Okay.
- What? Black Beauty, how can I help you? Yeah, right, it's always an emergency.
I'll ask.
Vy Smith, phone call.
Sorry, nobody's answering.
Don't you just love these quiet girl talks? What? I know.
Great.
Geoffrey, it looks like you're gonna have to drive me to the hospital.
Will I steer with my left foot? I hate men.
Hi, Mommy.
Oh, my God, here comes another one.
Ashley, give me your hand! - No way.
- Ashley! - Geoffrey! - You keep away from me.
This baby's coming.
I gotta get to the hospital.
Don't worry, Mom, I'll get you there.
Ashley, you can't drive.
Grow up.
I've been taking the car since I was 12.
Come on.
How much longer before somebody gets us out of here? My wife's having a baby.
- She ain't in there with you, is she? - No.
- Good, 'cause I'm going on a break.
- What? Just kidding, a little elevator humor there.
Oh, man.
All right, I'll get you out of there as soon as I can.
Hi, honey, I'm gonna be late for lunch.
Great, you have a phone.
That's right, and you don't.
Will, we gotta get that phone.
Look, Uncle Phil, just ask him nice.
No, after what I did to him, he's never going to let me use it.
Well, you know, I'm coming straight out the hood, right? All right, where I come from when we want something, we step up on it and take it.
Observe.
Please, can I use your phone? Look, man, if you don't let me use your phone I'm gonna start singing Paula Abdul's greatest hits.
I guess you want to use this phone real bad, huh? Yes, sir, I do.
About as bad as I wanted that cigarette? Stop, ghetto time.
No, Will.
Calm down.
No.
Calm down, now.
Now, I trained as a lawyer for many years.
I was trained in the art of negotiation, okay? Observe.
Sir, give me that damn phone or I'm gonna rip your liver out and eat it raw.
That's right, boy, and he about due for a snack.
Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr.
Banks.
Mrs.
Banks should be arriving at the hospital any minute.
- What? Who drove her? - Who drove? - Yeah.
- You are trapped in an elevator, right? Yes, yes I'm trapped in an elevator.
Now who drove her? Miss Ashley drove.
What? How could you let that happen? Are you insane? No, sir, I don't know how I could have let that happen.
Call Mrs.
Banks' sisters and tell them to meet her at the hospital.
Yes, sir, I'll call the salon right away.
I am furious at you, Geoffrey! This is completely irresponsible of you.
Yes, sir, I'm a very, very bad butler.
In fact, I'm going to punish myself.
No phone privileges for a week.
Don't worry, Geoffrey, we're on our way.
Vivian's having the baby.
We've got to get out of here.
- Finally.
I'll go get Carlton.
- Come on, Hilary.
I can't go into a hospital looking like this.
The place is full of doctors.
Hilary, please don't tell me you're that superficial.
Well, it may be superficial to you, but I'm young, I can still get a husband.
Not without any teeth, you won't.
That girl wanted me, Aunt Janice.
Carlton, when a woman says, "Drop dead, troll" it usually means she's not interested.
Now, come on.
I'll call you.
I'm sorry, young lady but you are going to have to fill out these insurance forms like everyone else.
I'm a kid.
I don't know jack about insurance.
I'm sorry, but those are the rules.
Oh, my God, here comes a big one.
Nurse, could you hold my hand, please? Get this woman to a birthing room.
Dr.
Fagin, telephone, please.
What happened to Hilary? Hilary Violet Banks, get your butt in here.
My hand.
I'm pretty sure Mom has been here.
Look, this is an emergency.
Do you have any mascara? Where is the woman that did this to you? Down the hall.
- Let's go.
- Come on.
She's down here.
Vivian, we got here as soon as we could.
You doing okay, baby? She's fine.
I took care of things.
All right, look, I appreciate that you're a close family but you all can't be in here.
- I'll go.
- Me, too.
This is what I usually look like.
Philip! Vivian.
Wilma! Dad, over here.
Where? Where is she? - That way.
- Vivian! Say hello to your new son.
We should get a picture of this.
Doc, would you do the honors? Sure.
Look, he look like a little black yoda.
- He's adorable.
- Hello, little Nicholas Andrew Banks.
Honey, I thought we agreed to call him Philip.
That's a stupid name.
Why don't we name him after Daddy? Eli.
- Great.
- No, over my dead body.
- Let's name him Rufus.
- How about Brock? Shazam! Smile.
Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston.
Wilma!