Everybody Loves Raymond s03e21 Episode Script

Okay, so the Shangri-La suite has the view, the Jacuzzi and the fireplace? Hey.
Oh.
We're really going through with this, huh? Oh boy, we're at the brochure stage.
Okay, thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Okay, come on, we've got pick one.
Okay, give me a minute.
I just walked in the door.
I thought you'd be excited.
I will be.
It's just if I get excited now I won't be able to sustain the level of excitement - throughout the trip.
- Yeah, trouble sustaining, we know.
Okay, so now here's an old Colonial inn near Tanglewood.
- What's Tanglewood? - They have classical music.
Here's the concert schedule.
And here's my face.
Or we can stay at The Plaza, eat at Le Cirque and see a show.
No, my parents make fun of people who stay at The Plaza.
- My parents stay at The Plaza.
- Eh Okay, all right.
Then how do your parents feel about the Adirondacks? What do you do there? You rent a nice house.
Look at this.
Right on the lake.
We'd be staying in someone else's house? They won't be there.
I don't sleep where other people have slept.
What do you think hotels are? You're yelling.
Why are you yelling? Because you don't wanna go anywhere.
I do, believe me.
It's just that nothing you've mentioned sounds fun yet.
Okay, then you pick.
And whatever sounds fun to you we'll do.
- You want me to pick? - Yes, Ray! Because it doesn't matter where we go as long as we can be together! - All right, let's calm it down.
- All right.
It's just that I really want to do this.
- Me too.
- Okay! A tour of Ben & Jerry's ice cream factory.
Can that be a trip? Yes, it can.
Because the factory's in vermont.
See, the wild flowers are blooming.
And we can stay at this cute bed and breakfast.
Why don't we just stay at Ben & Jerry's house? I'm calling vermont.
Free samples.
I'll bet there's a catch.
Hey, that's cute.
God.
Amy, I'm going to vermont tomorrow.
I have nothing to take on this trip.
You have a husband.
Lots of things go with that.
Right now I'd trade him for a pair of pants that make my butt look smaller.
You know what makes your butt look smaller? A husband.
So, Robert hasn't started dating anyone else yet? You mean since we talked about him in the shoe department? I know, I know.
Here, try this on.
- Ugh! - No, come on.
It'll look great with that scarf you bought.
And maybe those new platform sneakers.
I'm not fun anymore.
What are you talking about? You're fun.
We're having fun.
We have wine at lunch.
Okay.
Another color maybe? What? What is it? I'm a boring housewife! - What? - I'm a big old boring housewife! And that's why Ray isn't excited about going to vermont.
I should just cancel the whole trip.
Come on, you're not boring.
You're going to have an amazing, amazing time! With your husband! Look.
Donna Karan.
What was I thinking? Ray's only going to vermont for the ice cream.
That tour lasts two hours then it's just me.
These prices are outrageous.
Delivery! - What's that? - Your mother's moving in.
What? Hello, dear.
Tag! You're it! What's all this? I'm babysitting for you while you're on your getaway, remember? Oh, okay, but we don't leave until tomorrow, so leave until tomorrow.
Hey.
- Here's the bag that I borrowed.
- Yeah.
What's this smell? What did you keep in it? Some meat.
So I see Ma's laying in supplies.
You're welcome to come over here for dinner tomorrow night.
Oh, I see.
So I'm a nice guy to have over, but you wouldn't want me staying here.
- What, Robert? - Nothing.
Wasn't asked, wasn't considered.
What were you considered for, dear? Let's see, today's category child care.
- Look, Robert.
I didn't think - Oh, you didn't think! Why would you think someone who's trained in CPR, public safety and conflict resolution would be able to babysit? Robert, you want to take care of the kids? Fine.
- Mom doesn't have to do it.
- Yes she does have to do it.
That's my getaway from her.
I can come over here and help.
That's not the same thing as you staying here and me staying there.
Ma, I don't need your help, okay? - I can take care of the kids.
- Okay, dear, okay.
What? Oh, okay.
Good! What? Goodbye! I'll be going along, too.
I'll see you in three days.
- Yeah.
Okay.
- What? Nothing, dear.
Bye-bye.
Hey, look.
I won't let you down.
Just relax and go enjoy your trip.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
You ever been to one of these bed and breakfasts? Yeah, with my ex-wife.
How was it? Did you not catch the end of that sentence? Yeah, great.
What's with the face? I don't know.
Yeah, it's just going away together is so much time together.
What are you afraid of? - You guys still - What? Yeah, yeah, we do.
But that's not the problem.
It's the in-between.
Ah, the remains of the day.
She keeps saying how romantic it's going to be.
Three days of romantic.
I don't see the need.
Listen, let me give you some advice.
These trips are for the wife.
It's a weekend.
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.
You know, sometimes at the precinct we've got the throw guys into the lock-up for a weekend.
And you know which guys have the worst time there? The small ones? No.
The guys who are watching the clock.
But the guys who arm-wrestle, play cards, whistle, those are the ones for who time passes quickly.
Yeah, but I have to talk.
Those guys have the right to remain silent.
- Hi.
- Hey, honey.
- Oh, you got some stuff for the trip.
- Yeah.
- It's going to be fun.
- Yeah.
- I can't wait.
- Yeah, just me and you.
- Yeah.
- What did you get? Well, I got a great outfit for the hayrides.
- Hayrides? - Yeah.
Yeah.
So listen, that weekend lock-up, how far in advance is that booked? You know, Ray, I can carry one of those.
No, I'm fine.
Wow.
This looks nice.
Yeah, it's nice.
I like it.
I like I like the doorstop in the shape of a bunny.
Yeah.
Hello? "Please ring turtle.
" - Oh, hi there.
- Hi.
- You must be the Barones.
- Yeah.
- I'm Debra.
And this is Ray.
- Hey.
Cecily Daly.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I was packing some folks a picnic lunch.
Oh, that's so romantic.
You like that? We'll take one of those.
Picnic orders have to be in by 6:00 the night before.
It's all right here in the handout.
Oh, more bunnies.
Now if I could just remember where I put the reservation book.
No Tv in the room? Did you really want a Tv this weekend? No, we'll arm-wrestle.
Here's your key.
And the common bathroom is just across the hall.
No bathrooms in the rooms either? Can I ask you something? What is in the room? - Are we in the room right now? - Ray.
- That's great! - Bill, Pam.
We missed you two at breakfast.
We had blueberry pancakes.
Sorry, we couldn't seem to get out of bed.
- Ready to go, babe? - Sure, babe.
Where you off to? We're gonna check out that antique fair in Craftsbury Common.
I read about that.
That's supposed to be great.
See you.
Did you want to go to that cranberry crafty land? Well, I scheduled the Ben & Jerry's thing for today.
'Cause you seemed so excited about it.
Yeah, but we don't have to do that if you don't want to.
No, I do.
This our weekend.
We're gonna do things that we both enjoy.
It's not like we have nothing in common.
Yeah.
Yeah, common bathroom.
All right, who took my yellow piece? It's not funny.
I was winning.
Do you know what happened to the last person who took my yellow piece? - What? - They got a big tickle, that's what.
I can't find a can opener.
- What? - I'm not talking to you.
- Where's your mother? - I don't know.
She's not here.
You want to play Candy Land, Grandpa? I want my clam chowder.
- I'm sure Ray has - Marie! - Dad, she's not here.
- Marie! - Dad! - Would you stop yelling? The can opener is in the top drawer by the refrigerator.
Thank you.
See you Monday.
- Hello, dear.
- What are you doing here? Cleaning.
Ma, listen, I'm in charge while Raymond is away, all right? Of course you are, dear.
You're doing a wonderful job.
- The twins could use a nap.
- I'm handling this.
I know, dear.
I can hear through the vent.
- Have you thought about dinner? - I'm ordering pizza.
No, pizza's not dinner.
I'll fix something.
Did you know she was here? Grandma's always here.
- You got the key? - No, you have it.
You're the funny one.
Oh no, it's that couple.
Come on, where's the key? Where's the damn key? - Hey.
- Hi.
How was your day? Unbelievable.
Yeah, it was great.
We hiked through wildflowers then we picked apples.
And then we toured Ben & Jerry's and the Teddy Bear Factory.
You guys did a lot of stuff.
We just went to Craftsbury Common.
Bill bought me this quilt.
It's an anniversary gift.
Six months since our first date.
- Thank you, babe.
- You're welcome, babe.
- He celebrates everything.
- Yeah.
There it is.
I thought I lost the key but there it was right in my back pocket.
That's so funny.
Wow.
Were we ever like that? Who, babe and babe? - Yeah, they just seem so - Annoying? I was thinking happy.
Well they're not married yet.
So, just think how happy they're gonna get.
Okay, so are you gonna shower? - What for? - For the hayride.
How bad do I smell that I got to take a shower before being dragged around behind a horse? I guess you're right.
We don't need to shower.
- Is it time for a nap? - I don't think so.
We've gotta be downstairs by 6:30.
- What about dinner? - It's kind of included.
It's sort of a cookout, campfire thing.
- What are they having? - I don't know what they're having.
I just thought it would be fun.
You know what might be more fun? A nap.
Okay, fine, you nap.
Nap all you want.
You know what? The next time you pick the frickin' hotel and you plan all the activities and I'll be the one that hates everything! Wait, Debra! Come on.
I didn't say I hated everything.
- You didn't have to say it.
- Oh, what what did I do? What did I do? I said what are they having? What did I do? Come on! You said there was going to be a cookout thing, and I said, "What are they having?" That's a perfectly legitimate question.
There was no other meaning there.
And the nap thing, that was just that's me trying to be romantic.
That's all.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here.
- Is someone in there? - Yeah.
What do you think? Honey, come on.
Somebody else needs to use the bathroom.
Honey, come on.
We're not the only one who has this bathroom.
Remember, you're the one who booked the place with the share- the-bathroom thing.
I just made it worse, didn't I? Honey, come on.
I'm sorry.
Please, come on.
Let's be friends, huh? This is our weekend getaway.
Come on, honey.
Unlock the Oh.
It's not locked.
We'll just be a minute.
Hey.
You know, there's no lock on that thing.
You're supposed to hang the sign.
"Patience is a virtue.
" What, Ray? No, nothing.
It's charming.
And true.
So you wanna just go home? Only if you really want to.
Come on, it's not really going that well.
Unless you think that it is.
I was trying to make this fun for you.
I mean, why that hike and the apple orchard and the ice cream factory why do you think I planned all those stupid things? Wait a minute.
You thought they were stupid? Of course.
I just thought that if I kept you busy you wouldn't notice What? Notice what? That I'm your boring wife.
What? Boring wife? You thought you'd be boring to me? What's so funny? Nothing.
You were nervous about being boring to me.
What are you doing? It's just it is funny.
You thinking you're boring.
What about me? Come on, I ran out of things to say on the George Washington Bridge.
Remember, I said I always take the upper level because if it collapses you fall on the people on the lower level? That doesn't even make sense.
We're all gonna die.
We all go in the river.
It's stupid.
Yeah.
And there was 100 miles where all you said was, "Oh look, the odometer is going to hit 80,000.
" My point exactly.
So we do have something in common.
We're boring.
Hi, we're the Borings.
We just hit 80,000.
What do you want to do? You want to do the hayride? You know what? That nap sounded pretty good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I've been wanting to take a nap since Ally was born.
Hey.
Nothing boring to me about a nap.
You know, and then maybe a little later - who knows, huh? - Okay, definitely.
But first a nap.
Oh, definitely a nap.
Excuse me, it's Cecily.
Everything all right? Yeah, yeah.
We're done.
Yeah.
Oh.
- Why did you do that? - I don't know, I panicked.
Come on, now we got to wash our hands.
Hey, bunny soap.
We celebrate everything.
What time is it? - We missed dinner.
- Mm, I guess.
You wanna just sleep through? Yes.
This is a great vacation.