I Love Lucy (1951) s03e21 Episode Script

(I Love Lucy theme music plays) MAN (on TV): And now, Mrs.
Weston, here's a picture of the new house our sponsor is giving you to take the place of your house that burned down.
You didn't expect that, did you? Now, don't cry, Mrs.
Weston.
There's nothing to cry about.
I have so much fun every day giving people things that they need.
We're giving you this new house for the one that burned down when it caught fire from the candles on the birthday cake of your little son, George.
And a whole new set of furniture.
Isn't that wonderful? And a whole new wardrobe for the entire family.
And you have Mrs.
Cleo Morgan to thank for this because she was such a good sport and a good neighbor.
Well, we'll see you tomorrow, folks, with another Good Neighbor program.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
This is such an entertaining program.
Oh, it looked like a million laughs.
No, it really is.
They do so many wonderful things for people.
I'm just mad about that program.
Look how much mail you got today.
Oh, thanks.
Gee, here's one for Ricky postmarked "Honolulu.
" Honolulu? Yeah.
Didn't you know? Why, Lucy, you know I never look at your mail.
Oh.
I wonder where it's from.
Mr.
Jensen of the Royal Hawaiian.
Uh it says so on the back flap.
I wonder who he is.
Hey, the flap's open a little bit.
Maybe I can get it open some more.
Nope, it's stuck tight.
Can you see anything? No, this envelope is so thick.
Boy, they make them thick.
Yeah.
Hey, wait a minute.
It looks exciting, doesn't it? Look at all those things.
Too bad we couldn't get the flap open.
Yeah.
Well, maybe we could.
You never can tell Ah! Cut it out, will you? Eh, good morning, Ricky.
Oh! Good morning.
Oh, hi, Ricky.
We were just trying to find out if this letter was really for you.
The name's kind of blurred.
Yeah, yeah, it's for you.
Yeah, Ricky Ricardo.
Yeah.
That's me.
Mm Oh Uh, I'm late for rehearsal.
I'll eat down at the club.
Good-bye.
But, Ricky Yeah? What about the letter? Oh, it wasn't important.
Wasn't important? No, it's just business, honey.
Some millionaire, he wants me to take the band down to Hawaii with some entertainers and play a dance.
He says it wasn't important.
My goodness, that's exciting.
I've never been to Hawaii.
Neither have I.
Oh, Ricky, we have to figure out some way so that we can take Fred and Ethel along with us, too.
"Too"? Yeah, "too," as in "besides me.
" Aw, now, Ricky, you wouldn't go to Hawaii without me.
Honey, we're only going for one night.
We're coming right back.
I don't care.
A short trip is better than no trip at all.
Besides, you said you needed some entertainers.
We could be the entertainers.
What are you going to call yourselves- "The Deadweight Trio"? Well, thanks a lot.
Now, wait a minute, Ethel, don't get mad.
This is no time to antagonize him.
Now, listen, give me just one good reason why we can't all go to Hawaii.
Because I can't afford it, honey.
I'm not making any money on this job.
I'm losing money.
I'm just taking it for the publicity value.
Now, good-bye.
Oh, Ricky Well, that's that.
Oh, no, it isn't.
I'm not giving up so easy.
Huh? Oh, for once, I'm glad to see that gleam in your eye.
What do you have in mind? Well, first, we've got to prove that we're good enough to take along.
Yeah? But how? How? Yeah, now, let me see LUCY: Ricky, is that you? Yeah.
Presenting a night in Hawaii! (tropical dance music playing) King Kamehameha The conqueror of the islands Became a famous hero one day He bought a native army And he pushed it over the poly And crowned himself king of Hawaii-ee-aa And when the fray was over, he took the islands over And this is what he had to say Aa-ee-ooky-laa-ee-wahie Aa-waa-Hawaii-ee-aa And on his throne, he sat alone Waiting for a big luau The royal maidens stared Were gathered there To greet him with the grand halakay-ow-oh Oh, King Kamehameha The conqueror of the islands Became a famous hero one day He bought a native army And he pushed it over the poly And right, oh, up, ee-oo-ee-aa (screeching melody) (off-key high note) Now, now, listen to me, girls.
Would-Would you listen a minute? Just a minute.
You haven't seen anything yet.
(music plays) (rhythmic chanting) Away, ay! Away, ay! Ay! (rhythmic chanting) Ay! (rhythmic chanting) Ay! (rhythmic chanting) Hey! (rhythmic chanting) You liked it? Very good! You liked it, huh? Oh, I think you were wonderful! He liked it! He liked it! Oh, you were just great! Yeah.
Thank you.
Gee, it's too bad I can't take you with me.
But you said you liked it.
Yeah! I did, honey.
I think you were just great.
Well, then, why can't we go? Well, honey, if there's one thing that they don't need in Hawaii, it's Hawaiian dancers.
Ew Now, the troupe that I'm taking down there is made up of Latin American entertainers.
Ay, ay, ay, ay La cucaracha Just a minute! Just a minute, everybody.
Now, I'm sorry, but Mr.
Jensen already told me who he wants and I already hired them.
Oh, now, Ricky Now, Ricky, I don't see why you No, no, no, save your breath.
Save your breath.
Of course, this is only a hunch on my part, but I don't believe he wants to take us with him.
It's not that, Fred.
It's just that I can't.
Why not? Well, honey, I can't afford it.
I'm losing money on the job.
I- I just can't do it.
There's nothing I can do about it.
And so, as the sun sinks slowly into the waters of the blue Pacific, we give up the only chance we had to go to Hawaii.
Hi.
Hi.
What are you doing? Ethel, I have just had the greatest idea of my career.
You know that show where they do all kinds of crazy stunts to help their needy friends? You mean that show you were looking at the other day, the Freddie Fillmore show? Be a Good Neighbor.
Listen to this: "Dear Freddie Fillmore, "I have been watching your show Be a Good Neighbor "for a long time, and I think it is wonderful what you do "for all the people who appear on your show.
"I want to tell you about a neighbor of mine.
"She is the sweetest, the dearest, "the most understanding person I ever knew, "and she is completely unselfish.
"She's always thinking of other people before herself.
Now, this person is terribly poor " Now, wait a minute.
You have to say something like that.
Uh, now "this person is terribly poor, "and she can't afford any luxuries for herself, "but it's always been the dream of her life "to go to the Hawaiian islands.
"So "I'm wondering if I couldn't appear "on Be a Good Neighbor "in order that this unselfish, generous, "sweet neighbor may realize her dream- "a trip to Honolulu.
Sincerely yours, Ethel Mertz.
" Why, you mean thing.
Now, just a minute Why, I was practically back in that Hawaiian costume.
What a fine friend you turned out to be.
Now, Ethel, the minute I won that trip, I was going to ask them to let me take Fred and Ethel Mertz with me.
Oh, sure.
I was, and if I couldn't take you with me, I was going to send you a postcard.
Oh, never mind.
Oh, now, Ethel, come on, what do you say? This is what I say.
Ethel Mertz! You just tore up my ticket to Honolulu.
Well, according to that letter, you're so sweet and thoughtful, it won't make any difference.
Oh, Ethel! Well, that's one of the worst things you've ever done to me.
What do you mean, done to you? There I was thinking all the time that maybe you What have I done to you? Hey, what's going on here? She's forging my name.
That's what's going on here.
What? All I did was write that show Be a Good Neighbor and have Ethel ask them if I could go to Honolulu.
Well, now, that doesn't seem so bad, Ethel.
Oh, no? Did you ever see that show? Do you know what kind of stunts you have to do? I'd get a pie in my face.
She'd get an all-expense cruise.
She'd be over there sitting on the beach and I'd be home combing meringue out of my hair.
So, you'd be a little uncomfortable for a while.
I'd do it for her.
Yeah, she'd do it for you.
Well, then let her.
Okay, I will.
Well, that's swell.
Watch out for a trick.
Please, Ethel, you hurt my feelings.
Yeah.
Ethel, I'm surprised at you.
Now, look, I'll write a letter to Freddie Fillmore and I'll tell him that there's a lovely couple who live across the hall from me who are very poor but they're so good and kind to everyone that I think he should give them a trip to Honolulu Aw Aw with their teenage daughter.
What?! Now what's wrong with that? I told you to watch out for a trick.
I'm not going to Honolulu as Lucy's mother.
That's what's wrong with that.
Oh, listen, if it'll get us to Honolulu, I'll go as her mother.
Oh Oh, Ethel, if you're going to be silly how about me going as your mother? Well, that's more like it.
All right.
I'll tell Freddie Fillmore that I know a lovely couple who are very poor but they've taken care of their dear, old gray-haired mother all their life.
Dear Freddie Fillmore Come on, Ethel.
I'm ready.
Come on.
LUCY: Ethel, Fred! What's the matter? Where's Ethel? Here I am.
What's the matter? Freddie Fillmore just called me.
Honolulu! Oh, we're in! Honolulu! Wait, wait, wait.
Before you start packing, I think there's something you ought to know.
What? He's coming over to see me, but he wants to interview the poverty-stricken couple and their gray-haired mother.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
I knew it was too good to be true.
Well, wait a minute now.
We've been in worse jams than this.
Yes, thanks to you.
Well, just give me time to think, will you? I'll get us out.
(knocking) Yep.
Mrs.
Mertz? Yep.
I'm Freddie Fillmore of the Be a Good Neighbor program.
Why, land's sakes, you are, aren't ye? Well, what a surprise to open the door and find you standing there.
Freddie Fillmore! Pa! We got company! Come on out! Pa, this here's Freddie Fillmore.
Freddie Fillmore? Gosh, Mr.
Fillmore, we watch your show all the time.
You do? Yeah, that is unless there are too many people standing in front of the appliance store.
Well, we have a big surprise for you.
Your good neighbor, Lucy Ricardo, has written us a letter all about you.
Aw, Mrs.
Ricardo- now, that woman is a darling woman.
She wants us to send you to Honolulu.
Honolulu?! Honolulu?! Oh, land sakes, we've been wanting to go there all our lives.
Yeah.
And you know who's going with you? Yeah, shall I go get her? Get who? Eh uh whoever's going with us.
Well, it's your mother, but how did you know? Oh, uh, well, anybody that knows Pa and me knows that we've unselfishly taken care of our dear old mother all of her life, That's right.
That's right.
and wherever we go, she goes.
Oh, that's what Mrs.
Ricardo said.
May I meet your mother? Oh, sure.
Ma? Yep.
Come on out here.
We got company.
FRED: Come in, mother.
Want me? This here feller is Freddie Fillmore.
How's that? This is Freddie Fillmore.
Well, danged if it ain't.
Uh, Ma watches your show through the appliance store window, too.
You do? Yeah, yeah.
I go down early, lie on the pavement and save three places.
Well, that's wonderful.
One for me, and two for my unselfish children that have been taking care of me for nigh on 52 years now.
Oh, now, Mother Well, honey, I appreciate Well, we wouldn't have had it any other way.
You know that, Mother.
I want to tell you something.
What? Mr.
Fillmore wants us to go on his show.
No.
Yes.
That Mrs.
Ricardo wrote him a letter all about us.
Oh, she is a darling woman and beautiful too.
Hey, you know something? What? He may give us a trip to Honolulu.
FRED: Yeah! No! Yes! Honey-lulu! Well, land a-goshen.
If that don't put a crick in the pump handle.
Wasn't that nice of Mrs.
Ricardo? Oh, it certainly was.
Well, I swan.
If she was home I'd hustle right over there and thank her.
Oh, she isn't home? No, no, she's out of town.
She'll be home tomorrowy.
Although, I might be out of town.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah, well, I go a lot.
You see, I wanted to have you on the show this week.
However, if she isn't here so I can talk to you, I'm afraid I'll have to postpone it till some later time.
Oh? Hark! I think I hear her now.
I didn't hear anything.
Oh, I did.
Oh, so did I.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Yeah, it's her.
Hey, Mrs.
Ricardo, when you get your hat and coat off, could you come over for a minute? Yeah, I'll be right over.
Oh, yeah, she said she'll be right over.
Well, good.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I got something on the stove.
She's old, but she's spry.
She's a nice old thing.
FRED: Yes, she is.
Whose mother is she? Mine.
Mine.
Well, is she your mother, Ethel? I thought she was mine.
She's been with us so long, I'd forgotten.
Oh, there she is.
Oh, Mrs.
Ricardo! I want you to know this here's Freddie Fillmore.
How do you do, Mr.
Fillmore? How do you do? It's so nice to know you.
Oh, Mrs.
Ricardo, he told us all about that letter you wrote about us, and I want to thank you, good neighbor.
Well Thank you, good neighbor.
You're welcome, kindly couple.
Mother's out in the kitchen.
She'd like to thank you, too.
Oh, well, I'll go out and see mother right now.
Oh, no, no, you wait right here.
I'll go get her.
Well, that's funny.
She isn't out there.
Eh uh are you sure? I looked all around.
Now where's Mrs.
Ricardo? Oh, uh oh, she had something on the stove, too.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah, we eat a lot around here.
Say, Mr.
Fillmore, we sure do enjoy that show of yourn.
Yes, we do.
You know the one I especially liked? What? You know where that little feller came and said he wanted to get a puppy dog for his little friend Oh, yeah.
Burned up! Had to throw it in the incinerator.
Burned to a crisp.
Oh, that's a shame.
Now, look, I'd like to have you all on the show tomorrow.
However, I must have you all in here at the same time so I can tell you what I want you to do.
Oh.
Well, I'll go get Mrs.
Ricardo.
My, she is spry, isn't she? Spry as a cricket.
Well, look, in the meantime, I have some papers here that I want you to sign.
Oh? Oh, signing papers, huh? Yeah, just a little legal formality that we have to go through with everyone who appears on our show.
Well, we don't mind doing that.
You want to see me, Mr.
Fillmore? Uh, ye Oh, yes, yes.
Now, uh Well, now where's mother? Eh where's mother? Well, she wasn't feeling well, so she's lying down in my apartment.
Oh.
Well, that's too bad.
Well, when she gets up, will you please have her sign this? Yes.
And I want to see the rest of you down at the station the first thing tomorrow morning.
Oh, don't worry, we'll be there.
Please sign that.
" because they are so good and kind, "I think Mr.
And Mrs.
Mertz and their dear, old mother should have a trip to Honolulu.
" Signed "Hopefully yours, Lucy Ricardo.
" There.
Isn't that a nice letter? (audience applauding) We're so sorry that mother Mertz was too ill to come to the studio tonight.
Oh, well, she had a real bad spell, but she'll feel better.
She'll feel better soon.
Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.
Now, Mr.
and Mrs.
Mertz, I want you to go right over there and sit down in those two chairs on the opposite side of the stage, if you will.
All right.
Okay.
FILLMORE: Right over there.
Sit right down in them.
Right there.
Now, lean back, relax.
Those are reclining chairs.
There, aren't you comfortable? Oh, yeah.
Oh, fine.
Now, we're going to see if Mrs.
Ricardo can win this trip to Honolulu for you.
And, Mrs.
Ricardo, we have a real surprise for you.
Oh? We have a friend of yours here today.
A friend of mine? Yes.
You see, when we told him about Mr.
and Mrs.
Mertz and their dear old mother, he insisted on coming down here and helping you out.
Oh.
Wasn't that nice? Send him out here, boys.
LUCY: Ricky! FILLMORE: That's right- your husband, bandleader Ricky Ricardo.
Oh (applause) Um are you sure he's going to help me? Of course, dear.
Oh.
Oh, as a matter of face, he's going to do most of the work.
Now, here's what I want you to do.
Mrs.
Ricardo, I want you to get right up there in that circle where you can get your hand on that cord.
And Mr.
Ricardo, right up here, if you will.
Yes, sir.
There we are.
Now, what I want you to do is think of a song with something physical in it, like, uh Well, uh, rain.
I get the blues when it rains And the blues I can't lose I know the song.
You don't have to sing it.
You know it.
Oh, that's such a beautiful suit.
We wouldn't want anything to happen to that.
Boys, I think we'd better give him a slicker, huh? Now, wait just a minute Oh, now, you're willing to do this for your neighbors, aren't you? RICKY: For the neighbors? Well, sure you are.
Now, wait just a minute.
I don't know.
Oh, of course you will.
There we are.
All right.
Now I think we're all set.
Mrs.
Ricardo, every time he says the word "rain " Yeah? you pull that cord.
Oh, okay.
You got the idea? Yeah, I got it.
All set.
Mrs.
Ricardo, you know what to do.
I sure do.
Okay! All right, go ahead and sing.
I get the blues when it rains Yeah, boy! All of the Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What's he got the slicker on for? Well, I was afraid some of that rain might splash and get on him.
Well, thanks a lot.
Oh, and there's one other thing I forgot to tell you, Mrs.
Ricardo.
If you step outside of that circle at any time during the stunt your friends don't get the trip to Honolulu.
Well, isn't it over? Over? We haven't even started yet.
Well, what was all that rain stuff? (laughter) Oh, that's just a little test.
Oh.
Oh, uh, Ricky, here's what I want you to do.
I have a list of words here- things, oh, like leaves, feathers, stuff like that.
Now, I want you to see how many songs you can think of that contain those words, and every time you sing one of those songs, you push your friends just a little closer to Honolulu.
And if within the two-minute time limit, you can think of enough songs and Mrs.
Ricardo doesn't step outside of that circle, then the Mertzes get the trip to Honolulu, you understand? Yeah, I got it.
Okay, now you've got exactly two minutes.
Okay.
Go! All right.
Um I'm putting all my eggs In one basket They're in Detroit.
Uh How deep is the ocean Chicago.
I'm in love with you Oh, no, not that! Not that! Honey Oh, no! (bell rings) Denver! Say you love me No, not again! Not again! Honey Oh, no (bell rings) West Denver! Just around the corner There's a rainbow in the sky So let's have another cup of coffee (bell rings) San Francisco, and you have five seconds to go! Hurry up! Five seconds, huh? Let's have another piece of Um um Come on! Come on, come on! (bell rings) Sorry.
Time's up.
You've lost.
Pie, you idiot! ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.