Mad About You s03e21 Episode Script
Cake Fear
You have the tickets? Got 'em.
You sure you have the tickets? Yes.
Why would you do that? * Tell me why I love you like I do * Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you * Let's take each other's hand * As we jump into the final frontier * I'm mad about you, baby * Yeah! * I'm mad about you Hi, yeah, I'd like to confirm a reservation for 8:00 tonight.
The name is Buchman.
For four.
Come on, they're gonna be here any second.
You have it.
Huh.
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
Well, now, okay, let me ask you this, do you debone your fish? You do? All right.
Well, we'll see you there.
Okay.
So, here's the situation, they didn't lose the reservation and I'm not gonna choke.
Sweetie All right, so here's what I think.
It's either gonna be food poisoning or Sorry, Clapper.
I'm gonna get hit by some sort of public transportation.
Would you stop? It's your birthday.
PAUL: That's exactly my point.
If you think it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
No, excuse me.
What about all the other years when I didn't think it was going to happen? Still it happened.
It's you, me, Ira, and Susannah.
We're gonna have a nice dinner Ouch.
What happened? No, no, no, I'm just practicing.
Fine.
You're gonna fall in a well.
Are you happy now? You know, I fell in a well.
You did not? Birthday, 15.
Amish country.
You fell in a well? While making a wish.
Okay? My God.
No, no, no, this is the beauty-- this is the beauty of the thing.
See, I know it's gonna suck.
I know there's some disaster coming and still I continue to have birthdays.
Maybe this one will be better.
Oh, no, no, it will suck.
It's just that I just don't know what form the disaster will take and therein lies the fascination.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) Are you ready? Come on.
I'm-- I'm absolutely all set.
Please don't call her Sue this time.
Who? JAMIE: Susannah.
PAUL: When did I call her Sue? Last week on the way to the movies.
Well, I was in a hurry.
It's your day.
Please try to enjoy it.
Okay.
Tell me what you see.
Cat? Hmm.
Whose cat? Ira's cat.
Hmm.
Do you see my bird? No.
That's because he's in the cat.
Do you want me to kill myself? Would that make us even? I don't know.
Give it a shot.
Okay.
Fine.
I will.
SUSANNAH: Good.
IRA: I mean it.
SUSANNAH: Good.
Okay, I'm going.
Good.
Here I go.
Good! Say goodbye.
I'm really going.
Good.
It's better than last year.
Okay, I told everybody to be here by 7:30.
Paul should be back from his shoot around 8:00.
Oh, come on, you really think he doesn't know? Believe me he's been working so hard on this film he barely knows his name.
Hey, remember when I had amnesia? It wasn't amnesia.
So how did I end up in New Hampshire? All right.
Fine.
You had amnesia.
I'm gonna go pick up those chairs from Mr.
Wicker's.
Will you please set up? Okay.
(HUMMING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU) (CROWD CHEERING ON TV) (TV CLICKING OFF) Excuse me, these are for the guests.
Hi.
Oops.
PAUL: What? Nothing.
What happened to your movie? Ah, well, we finished everything ahead of schedule.
Well, I don't think that's very professional.
Where's my little wife? Well, she's around.
Where are you going? To get some soup or something.
I ate the soup.
We have, like, I know.
It's my period.
Hey, you know what? Why don't we go out and I'll buy you some soup? That's all right.
You know what, I'm too tired to eat anyhow.
That could work.
What? Oh, you march right in there, mister, and you get some sleep.
I wish I could.
You know what, we've been shooting for 48 hours and my brain is just racing.
Take a pill.
I don't have pills.
I have pills.
Yeah.
Really? Look, birth control, mood elevator, appetite suppressant, appetite stimulator, Prozac, Breath Asure.
And here we go, sleeping pills.
These really work? Oh, yeah.
I don't know about taking somebody else's prescription.
Oh, they're not even mine.
They're Harriet's.
How is that better? They're for everybody.
All right.
But I'll tell you this.
If the appliances start coming to life and chasing me around the apartment, I'll be very unhappy.
Lisa, will you help me with these? Hush.
What? Paul's home.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
I fixed everything.
How? Oh, I gave him a sleeping pill.
He'll be out for, like, 12 hours.
What? Ssh.
I'm having a party for him in half an hour.
I know.
Oh JAMIE: Paul? Paul.
Hey.
Did you take that pill? Yeah.
Why? Surprise.
What? I'm throwing a party for you in half an hour.
Why are you throwing a party for me? Because it's your birthday.
I told you I don't want a party.
I know.
But I thought that was just 'cause of last year and I figured you'd get here and you'd see everybody and Can you induce vomiting? It's my birthday.
I know.
But I have, like, any minute.
Come on, it'll be fun.
We know 30 people? Yeah, Steve is flying in from Boston.
Ira rounded up all of your college friends.
Do you know what we've all been through to pull this off? (YAWNING) I'm so tired, she gave me a Look, would you do something, please? (YAWNING) How's that? You know what, last year is looking pretty good.
A little more.
A little more.
A little more.
Fran, why don't you go check the hors d'oeuvres? Paul and I can handle this.
No, I have to go check the hors d'oeuvres.
PAUL: Okay.
You do that.
I'm telling you, this is gonna be the best birthday you ever had.
It already is.
Good.
Why are we doing this? I thought it would help get her mind off things.
All right.
Next time Mark decides to leave her, tell him to wait till after my birthday.
Tell me if these are hot enough? Ooh.
Mmm.
Great.
I don't want a party.
Well, she does.
Okay, but it's my birthday.
That's why we're having a party.
Understand I don't want a party.
Leave me alone.
You'll get presents.
Okay.
We got hot cups, we've got cold cups.
We've got hot cups with handles.
We've got streamers, hats, balloons, paper plates, napkins.
We got hot cups.
You already said hot cups.
(SOBBING) Oh I'm sorry.
No He's right, he's right.
I meant that good.
You're just saying that.
No, hey, people love hot cups.
Really? Yeah, love them, they love 'em.
That's what you're wearing? I thought I would.
Yeah.
You're right.
What do you know? You know plenty.
No, I am too judgmental, aren't I? You're not judgmental.
Look at him.
He looks horrible.
Hey, hey, hey He does, a little.
How many times have I said the man doesn't know how to dress.
That's true.
Excuse me? Just relax.
Have a drink.
We're gonna have a good time tonight.
Okay.
Come on, let's get you into some decent clothes.
What? You bought me this.
At least it's not snowing.
MAN 1: The freak spring blizzard which has crippled the city and left WOMAN 1: both the IRT and IND Subway lines have been temporarily (CHANGING CHANNEL) MAN 2: so buckle down, New Yorkers, for this freak WOMAN 2: that's tonight, I'm Robin Bird.
I've seen this one.
(TELEPHONE RINGING) Hello.
I'm sorry.
Hey, where are you? I--I sat in the subway for 45 minutes.
It never moved.
I couldn't get a cab.
I just finally came back to my office.
Are you all right? No.
I'm frozen, I lost a boot, and I'm not with you.
How's your party? Raging.
Me, Sid and 900 dumplings.
How did Sid get there? He said he grew up in Minsk.
Hey, I grew up in Minsk.
I was talking about you.
Oh.
Did you take your birthday walk? No, I was waiting for you.
Maybe it will let up.
I'll call you back in a little while.
Okay? All right.
Have fun.
(DOORBELL RINGING) Okay, bye.
Hey, reinforcements.
Now we're cooking.
Aunt Lolly, what--what-- what are you doing here? You said there was a party.
Yes, no, of course.
No, I mean, how did you get down here? I drove.
From Connecticut? I took the Skylark.
Oh.
No, 'cause they--they said it's like a-- like a sheet of ice out there.
Oh Do you own that blue Volvo out front? No.
Good.
I brought you something.
Happy birthday.
Oh Thank you.
Hey, Paul, who's your friend? Uh, this is Jamie's aunt, Lolly.
Lolly, this is my editor, Sid Novak.
Charmed.
You bet.
Did anybody ever tell you you look like Errol Flynn? Not a day goes by.
Yeah, all right.
So who wants cake? Sweetie? Um, Ms.
do it.
This is why they have bakeries.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Now bake.
You're very cute, how you don't give up.
This is our first birthday here.
I am making you this cake.
Come here.
What? You have cakie stuff all over you.
Well, how is it? Hey, that's good.
Do you do the port thing now or later? Oh, now would be very good.
Which grandfather was it? All right.
This is mother's father, on my 21st birthday, and he gives me this bottle and he says, "Freckles, once a year you drink a glass of this, "you take a walk, you figure it out.
" Freckles? (MUMBLES) So here's to figuring it out.
And, you, I will see next year.
(TELEPHONE RINGING) Hello.
No, no, no, Rick.
I told you, it's my fiance's birthday.
No, I'm not working tonight.
Oh, she did? All right.
All right.
I'll deal with it first thing in the morning.
Just meet me there with the file at 7:00.
Okay, bye.
That just sounds weird.
What? "Fiance.
My fiance.
" Well, that's what you are.
No, no, no.
I know.
It's, it's just, you know, you You're walking around, you're minding your own business, next thing you know, you're a whole French word.
When you used to think about it a year ago, would-- would you have thought? Yes.
No, I mean, seriously, like a whole year ago.
Yes.
Oh.
Well If you'd rather I didn't use the word No, no, no, you know, it's just You know what I'm saying.
How--How long until cake? Well, it's a little while.
All right.
This is gonna work out good.
Where are you going? Like my grandfather says, you drink a little bit, then you walk.
That's how it works.
Okay.
Well, I have, like, 45 minutes.
Until what? Until the cake's ready.
Oh, oh.
Okay.
Uh, see, it's like It's It's kind of something like I kind of like to do on my own.
Oh, oh, oh.
You know, it's nothing personal.
It's just that every year this is what I do.
It's the annual birthday "you walk, you look forward Okay.
Okay.
"you look back" thing in my head.
Okay.
You know I mean, like, Do you want to come? Well, you want me to come? Do you want to come? Do you want me to come? Sure.
All right.
It's just, you know, it's like a tradition.
It's a tradition thing.
I like to do it myself.
I understand.
Really? Yes, okay.
Okay.
Come on, Murray.
(DOOR CLOSING) Hi.
Hi.
How was your walk? Really good.
What did you think about? Oh, this and that.
Great.
Your cake's ready.
What's all this? What? Oh, I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Put your hat on.
Excuse me? Is your hat on? My hat.
Yes, my--my hat is on.
You're leaving me? * Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul Happy birthday to you * Thank you.
You're leaving me? Yes.
Not till tomorrow.
Why? Because it's your birthday, I don't want to ruin it.
Why ever? Obviously, you're not ready to share your life with me.
Okay? Make a wish.
I don't want to make a wish.
Make a wish.
I have to separate our books.
Did we have a big fight that I should know about? No fight.
You're just leaving me? Paul, it's your birthday.
Don't think about it now.
Okay.
We'll just wait till you feel like chatting.
Look, you took your walk, I took mine.
You figured it out, so did I.
I just wish we could've done it together, we could have saved ourselves this whole conversation.
Is this your Ivanhoe or mine? I--I--I don't have an Ivanhoe.
Mine.
W-What conversation? There is no conversation.
You're packing.
I'm standing here going "huh?" You have your walk.
You have your port.
You have your dog.
What does it matter? Girls of James Bond? Do you want some port? Probably yours.
You want to go take a walk? No, I would like to be part of your life.
So you think leaving me will accomplish that.
You won't even tell me what you thought about.
I'm sorry.
That's how it works.
You know, I drink, I walk, I figure it out.
My grandfather set the rules, not me.
Was your grandfather ever married? Hey, five times.
Great.
Cujo? You want to know what I was thinking about? I just want to know whose copy of Cujo this is.
All right.
I'm gonna tell you what I was thinking about.
The whole time I'm out there, I'm walking along and I'm looking back at the year, and I'm going, "Hey, remember this? Hey, remember that?" And I see all these people.
They're looking at me 'cause I'm talking to myself, but they don't know I'm talking to you.
And all of a sudden I realize I have figured it out.
I now have somebody else to walk with for the rest of my life.
That's what I was thinking about.
But you know what? You're right.
You're right.
It's my birthday.
I don't have to discuss it if I don't want to.
I'm gonna have cake.
To the future.
Fourth word, small word.
"The.
" The Silence Of The Fifth word.
Dog.
Cow.
Table.
Lamb! Lambs! I'm a lamb! Silence of the Lambs! Oh, right, if you say so.
It just won best picture.
Don't you miss the Automats? This whole city's gone to hell.
All right.
Who's next? Uh, you know what, Paul, it's getting kind of late.
You read my mind.
Oh, you have to go so soon? Yeah.
Uh, 'cause it's really kind of early.
I've got all this food here still.
Uh, we'll take a rain check.
All right.
I--I--I've got Pictionary, if you want.
Oh, that's nice.
I really appreciate you comin' out.
You'll be all right out there? Oh, please.
I buried two husbands.
Perhaps they weren't up to the challenge.
Well, thanks for coming.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Thanks for coming again.
Paul, many happy returns.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
What do you care? If your birthday is a bust, you've got another one coming in 50 days.
Me, I've got to wait a whole year.
All right.
Everybody works.
Everybody works.
All right.
Get out.
Go! Just walk away! I'm used to it! Beat it! Amscray! Get out of here.
Who needs you? I merely suggested a little drink might make her feel better.
Yeah, here's what I think.
Let's have my port, take our walk and forget this birthday ever happened.
Ooh, ooh, oh, my port.
What are you looking at? (SCATTING) Come on.
Wake up.
Sing with me.
(HUMMING) Good.
Good.
Now wave to the people.
Wave.
Good.
JAMIE: Okay, everybody's upstairs.
Oh, oh Hi.
You came to the parade.
Yes Let's get him upstairs.
(DINGING) Honey, remember, it's your birthday.
You don't know anyone's there.
Act surprised.
Okay? Here you go.
You're gonna wait right here and count to 30.
Okay, sweetie, do you have your keys? Honey, your keys? You have your keys? Sweetie Okay, listen, listen, listen, right.
Just ring the bell.
Ring the bell.
Okay? Lisa just saw him coming down the street.
Get down.
Get down.
seventeen, eighteen, seventeen, seventeen, JAMIE: Ira, Fran, get down.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) Lisa, you'll get the lights, This is it.
Okay.
One, two, three ALL: Surprise! Can I see you for a moment? Sure.
Excuse me.
Would you, uh, clean this up, please? Okay, that's all right.
I'm sorry, I've got him.
Sweetie, oh, honey.
Come on, get up.
Come on.
Five more minutes.
No, no, no, honey, honey, there's a party.
Sweetie, there's a party.
All right, I'll-- I'll get the cab.
No, no, honey, honey, you're home.
Honey, honey, you're home! He's here! He's here! Get down, get down.
Sweetie, how was your day? Okay.
Okay, good.
Let's go in for a nice, quiet dinner alone.
Okay.
Okay.
ALL: Surprise! (INAUDIBLE) Sweetie, look.
(ALL CHATTERING) Hey ALL: Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Paulie, so tell me, were you surprised? Ira.
Yeah.
You came to my birthday.
Oh, sweetie, have a seat.
It's been a long day.
Here you go.
Lisa, will you help me with the cake? I'm so tired I'm just saying a phone call the next day would have been nice.
Lolly, let it go.
Breakfast, something.
Lolly, let it go.
ALL: * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul * Happy birthday to you (ALL CHEERING) Sweetie, come on, blow out the candles and make a wish.
(YAWNING) (ALL CHEERING) IRA: Here I go.
All right, get in here.
Hey, if it makes him feel better.
Come on, get in here.
See, this one, I never would have seen coming.
Just hold on.
Seriously, who would have thought? The tragedy of natural selection.
This is not a tragedy.
Excuse me.
I mean for him.
Look, I--I thought that they could be friends.
It's a cat and a bird.
Figure it out.
So now I know.
Look.
I--I'm very sorry for your loss.
Okay? But it's this man's birthday.
He's convinced himself he's doomed.
Oh, no, no, I am doomed.
You're not doomed.
Did he tell you about the well? People fall down wells.
It doesn't mean anything.
She won't accept this.
No, I won't.
You're gonna have a good birthday if it kills you.
Please let me handle this.
Okay, good.
You do what you got to do.
Take your little cat.
I'm gonna go get a cab.
I'll see you downstairs.
All right.
Ira, come on.
Tell her you're sorry.
James, it's the circle of life.
Cut me a break.
Will you tell her you're sorry? Okay.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Now forgive him.
Fine.
I forgive you.
Really? No.
Close enough.
Let's go.
We have reservations.
Wait a minute, what about Roscoe? He already ate.
Put him in the bathroom.
Come here, you bad little kitty-cat.
(DOG BARKING) (CAT MEOWING) Oh, wait, Ira.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(CAT HISSING) Look out, Paul! (THUDDING) (CAT MEOWING) PAUL: See, this is what I'm saying! (SIREN BLARING) ALL: * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul * Happy birthday to you (CAT MEOWS)
You sure you have the tickets? Yes.
Why would you do that? * Tell me why I love you like I do * Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you * Let's take each other's hand * As we jump into the final frontier * I'm mad about you, baby * Yeah! * I'm mad about you Hi, yeah, I'd like to confirm a reservation for 8:00 tonight.
The name is Buchman.
For four.
Come on, they're gonna be here any second.
You have it.
Huh.
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
Well, now, okay, let me ask you this, do you debone your fish? You do? All right.
Well, we'll see you there.
Okay.
So, here's the situation, they didn't lose the reservation and I'm not gonna choke.
Sweetie All right, so here's what I think.
It's either gonna be food poisoning or Sorry, Clapper.
I'm gonna get hit by some sort of public transportation.
Would you stop? It's your birthday.
PAUL: That's exactly my point.
If you think it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
No, excuse me.
What about all the other years when I didn't think it was going to happen? Still it happened.
It's you, me, Ira, and Susannah.
We're gonna have a nice dinner Ouch.
What happened? No, no, no, I'm just practicing.
Fine.
You're gonna fall in a well.
Are you happy now? You know, I fell in a well.
You did not? Birthday, 15.
Amish country.
You fell in a well? While making a wish.
Okay? My God.
No, no, no, this is the beauty-- this is the beauty of the thing.
See, I know it's gonna suck.
I know there's some disaster coming and still I continue to have birthdays.
Maybe this one will be better.
Oh, no, no, it will suck.
It's just that I just don't know what form the disaster will take and therein lies the fascination.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) Are you ready? Come on.
I'm-- I'm absolutely all set.
Please don't call her Sue this time.
Who? JAMIE: Susannah.
PAUL: When did I call her Sue? Last week on the way to the movies.
Well, I was in a hurry.
It's your day.
Please try to enjoy it.
Okay.
Tell me what you see.
Cat? Hmm.
Whose cat? Ira's cat.
Hmm.
Do you see my bird? No.
That's because he's in the cat.
Do you want me to kill myself? Would that make us even? I don't know.
Give it a shot.
Okay.
Fine.
I will.
SUSANNAH: Good.
IRA: I mean it.
SUSANNAH: Good.
Okay, I'm going.
Good.
Here I go.
Good! Say goodbye.
I'm really going.
Good.
It's better than last year.
Okay, I told everybody to be here by 7:30.
Paul should be back from his shoot around 8:00.
Oh, come on, you really think he doesn't know? Believe me he's been working so hard on this film he barely knows his name.
Hey, remember when I had amnesia? It wasn't amnesia.
So how did I end up in New Hampshire? All right.
Fine.
You had amnesia.
I'm gonna go pick up those chairs from Mr.
Wicker's.
Will you please set up? Okay.
(HUMMING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU) (CROWD CHEERING ON TV) (TV CLICKING OFF) Excuse me, these are for the guests.
Hi.
Oops.
PAUL: What? Nothing.
What happened to your movie? Ah, well, we finished everything ahead of schedule.
Well, I don't think that's very professional.
Where's my little wife? Well, she's around.
Where are you going? To get some soup or something.
I ate the soup.
We have, like, I know.
It's my period.
Hey, you know what? Why don't we go out and I'll buy you some soup? That's all right.
You know what, I'm too tired to eat anyhow.
That could work.
What? Oh, you march right in there, mister, and you get some sleep.
I wish I could.
You know what, we've been shooting for 48 hours and my brain is just racing.
Take a pill.
I don't have pills.
I have pills.
Yeah.
Really? Look, birth control, mood elevator, appetite suppressant, appetite stimulator, Prozac, Breath Asure.
And here we go, sleeping pills.
These really work? Oh, yeah.
I don't know about taking somebody else's prescription.
Oh, they're not even mine.
They're Harriet's.
How is that better? They're for everybody.
All right.
But I'll tell you this.
If the appliances start coming to life and chasing me around the apartment, I'll be very unhappy.
Lisa, will you help me with these? Hush.
What? Paul's home.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
I fixed everything.
How? Oh, I gave him a sleeping pill.
He'll be out for, like, 12 hours.
What? Ssh.
I'm having a party for him in half an hour.
I know.
Oh JAMIE: Paul? Paul.
Hey.
Did you take that pill? Yeah.
Why? Surprise.
What? I'm throwing a party for you in half an hour.
Why are you throwing a party for me? Because it's your birthday.
I told you I don't want a party.
I know.
But I thought that was just 'cause of last year and I figured you'd get here and you'd see everybody and Can you induce vomiting? It's my birthday.
I know.
But I have, like, any minute.
Come on, it'll be fun.
We know 30 people? Yeah, Steve is flying in from Boston.
Ira rounded up all of your college friends.
Do you know what we've all been through to pull this off? (YAWNING) I'm so tired, she gave me a Look, would you do something, please? (YAWNING) How's that? You know what, last year is looking pretty good.
A little more.
A little more.
A little more.
Fran, why don't you go check the hors d'oeuvres? Paul and I can handle this.
No, I have to go check the hors d'oeuvres.
PAUL: Okay.
You do that.
I'm telling you, this is gonna be the best birthday you ever had.
It already is.
Good.
Why are we doing this? I thought it would help get her mind off things.
All right.
Next time Mark decides to leave her, tell him to wait till after my birthday.
Tell me if these are hot enough? Ooh.
Mmm.
Great.
I don't want a party.
Well, she does.
Okay, but it's my birthday.
That's why we're having a party.
Understand I don't want a party.
Leave me alone.
You'll get presents.
Okay.
We got hot cups, we've got cold cups.
We've got hot cups with handles.
We've got streamers, hats, balloons, paper plates, napkins.
We got hot cups.
You already said hot cups.
(SOBBING) Oh I'm sorry.
No He's right, he's right.
I meant that good.
You're just saying that.
No, hey, people love hot cups.
Really? Yeah, love them, they love 'em.
That's what you're wearing? I thought I would.
Yeah.
You're right.
What do you know? You know plenty.
No, I am too judgmental, aren't I? You're not judgmental.
Look at him.
He looks horrible.
Hey, hey, hey He does, a little.
How many times have I said the man doesn't know how to dress.
That's true.
Excuse me? Just relax.
Have a drink.
We're gonna have a good time tonight.
Okay.
Come on, let's get you into some decent clothes.
What? You bought me this.
At least it's not snowing.
MAN 1: The freak spring blizzard which has crippled the city and left WOMAN 1: both the IRT and IND Subway lines have been temporarily (CHANGING CHANNEL) MAN 2: so buckle down, New Yorkers, for this freak WOMAN 2: that's tonight, I'm Robin Bird.
I've seen this one.
(TELEPHONE RINGING) Hello.
I'm sorry.
Hey, where are you? I--I sat in the subway for 45 minutes.
It never moved.
I couldn't get a cab.
I just finally came back to my office.
Are you all right? No.
I'm frozen, I lost a boot, and I'm not with you.
How's your party? Raging.
Me, Sid and 900 dumplings.
How did Sid get there? He said he grew up in Minsk.
Hey, I grew up in Minsk.
I was talking about you.
Oh.
Did you take your birthday walk? No, I was waiting for you.
Maybe it will let up.
I'll call you back in a little while.
Okay? All right.
Have fun.
(DOORBELL RINGING) Okay, bye.
Hey, reinforcements.
Now we're cooking.
Aunt Lolly, what--what-- what are you doing here? You said there was a party.
Yes, no, of course.
No, I mean, how did you get down here? I drove.
From Connecticut? I took the Skylark.
Oh.
No, 'cause they--they said it's like a-- like a sheet of ice out there.
Oh Do you own that blue Volvo out front? No.
Good.
I brought you something.
Happy birthday.
Oh Thank you.
Hey, Paul, who's your friend? Uh, this is Jamie's aunt, Lolly.
Lolly, this is my editor, Sid Novak.
Charmed.
You bet.
Did anybody ever tell you you look like Errol Flynn? Not a day goes by.
Yeah, all right.
So who wants cake? Sweetie? Um, Ms.
do it.
This is why they have bakeries.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Now bake.
You're very cute, how you don't give up.
This is our first birthday here.
I am making you this cake.
Come here.
What? You have cakie stuff all over you.
Well, how is it? Hey, that's good.
Do you do the port thing now or later? Oh, now would be very good.
Which grandfather was it? All right.
This is mother's father, on my 21st birthday, and he gives me this bottle and he says, "Freckles, once a year you drink a glass of this, "you take a walk, you figure it out.
" Freckles? (MUMBLES) So here's to figuring it out.
And, you, I will see next year.
(TELEPHONE RINGING) Hello.
No, no, no, Rick.
I told you, it's my fiance's birthday.
No, I'm not working tonight.
Oh, she did? All right.
All right.
I'll deal with it first thing in the morning.
Just meet me there with the file at 7:00.
Okay, bye.
That just sounds weird.
What? "Fiance.
My fiance.
" Well, that's what you are.
No, no, no.
I know.
It's, it's just, you know, you You're walking around, you're minding your own business, next thing you know, you're a whole French word.
When you used to think about it a year ago, would-- would you have thought? Yes.
No, I mean, seriously, like a whole year ago.
Yes.
Oh.
Well If you'd rather I didn't use the word No, no, no, you know, it's just You know what I'm saying.
How--How long until cake? Well, it's a little while.
All right.
This is gonna work out good.
Where are you going? Like my grandfather says, you drink a little bit, then you walk.
That's how it works.
Okay.
Well, I have, like, 45 minutes.
Until what? Until the cake's ready.
Oh, oh.
Okay.
Uh, see, it's like It's It's kind of something like I kind of like to do on my own.
Oh, oh, oh.
You know, it's nothing personal.
It's just that every year this is what I do.
It's the annual birthday "you walk, you look forward Okay.
Okay.
"you look back" thing in my head.
Okay.
You know I mean, like, Do you want to come? Well, you want me to come? Do you want to come? Do you want me to come? Sure.
All right.
It's just, you know, it's like a tradition.
It's a tradition thing.
I like to do it myself.
I understand.
Really? Yes, okay.
Okay.
Come on, Murray.
(DOOR CLOSING) Hi.
Hi.
How was your walk? Really good.
What did you think about? Oh, this and that.
Great.
Your cake's ready.
What's all this? What? Oh, I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Put your hat on.
Excuse me? Is your hat on? My hat.
Yes, my--my hat is on.
You're leaving me? * Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul Happy birthday to you * Thank you.
You're leaving me? Yes.
Not till tomorrow.
Why? Because it's your birthday, I don't want to ruin it.
Why ever? Obviously, you're not ready to share your life with me.
Okay? Make a wish.
I don't want to make a wish.
Make a wish.
I have to separate our books.
Did we have a big fight that I should know about? No fight.
You're just leaving me? Paul, it's your birthday.
Don't think about it now.
Okay.
We'll just wait till you feel like chatting.
Look, you took your walk, I took mine.
You figured it out, so did I.
I just wish we could've done it together, we could have saved ourselves this whole conversation.
Is this your Ivanhoe or mine? I--I--I don't have an Ivanhoe.
Mine.
W-What conversation? There is no conversation.
You're packing.
I'm standing here going "huh?" You have your walk.
You have your port.
You have your dog.
What does it matter? Girls of James Bond? Do you want some port? Probably yours.
You want to go take a walk? No, I would like to be part of your life.
So you think leaving me will accomplish that.
You won't even tell me what you thought about.
I'm sorry.
That's how it works.
You know, I drink, I walk, I figure it out.
My grandfather set the rules, not me.
Was your grandfather ever married? Hey, five times.
Great.
Cujo? You want to know what I was thinking about? I just want to know whose copy of Cujo this is.
All right.
I'm gonna tell you what I was thinking about.
The whole time I'm out there, I'm walking along and I'm looking back at the year, and I'm going, "Hey, remember this? Hey, remember that?" And I see all these people.
They're looking at me 'cause I'm talking to myself, but they don't know I'm talking to you.
And all of a sudden I realize I have figured it out.
I now have somebody else to walk with for the rest of my life.
That's what I was thinking about.
But you know what? You're right.
You're right.
It's my birthday.
I don't have to discuss it if I don't want to.
I'm gonna have cake.
To the future.
Fourth word, small word.
"The.
" The Silence Of The Fifth word.
Dog.
Cow.
Table.
Lamb! Lambs! I'm a lamb! Silence of the Lambs! Oh, right, if you say so.
It just won best picture.
Don't you miss the Automats? This whole city's gone to hell.
All right.
Who's next? Uh, you know what, Paul, it's getting kind of late.
You read my mind.
Oh, you have to go so soon? Yeah.
Uh, 'cause it's really kind of early.
I've got all this food here still.
Uh, we'll take a rain check.
All right.
I--I--I've got Pictionary, if you want.
Oh, that's nice.
I really appreciate you comin' out.
You'll be all right out there? Oh, please.
I buried two husbands.
Perhaps they weren't up to the challenge.
Well, thanks for coming.
Good night, dear.
Good night.
Thanks for coming again.
Paul, many happy returns.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
What do you care? If your birthday is a bust, you've got another one coming in 50 days.
Me, I've got to wait a whole year.
All right.
Everybody works.
Everybody works.
All right.
Get out.
Go! Just walk away! I'm used to it! Beat it! Amscray! Get out of here.
Who needs you? I merely suggested a little drink might make her feel better.
Yeah, here's what I think.
Let's have my port, take our walk and forget this birthday ever happened.
Ooh, ooh, oh, my port.
What are you looking at? (SCATTING) Come on.
Wake up.
Sing with me.
(HUMMING) Good.
Good.
Now wave to the people.
Wave.
Good.
JAMIE: Okay, everybody's upstairs.
Oh, oh Hi.
You came to the parade.
Yes Let's get him upstairs.
(DINGING) Honey, remember, it's your birthday.
You don't know anyone's there.
Act surprised.
Okay? Here you go.
You're gonna wait right here and count to 30.
Okay, sweetie, do you have your keys? Honey, your keys? You have your keys? Sweetie Okay, listen, listen, listen, right.
Just ring the bell.
Ring the bell.
Okay? Lisa just saw him coming down the street.
Get down.
Get down.
seventeen, eighteen, seventeen, seventeen, JAMIE: Ira, Fran, get down.
(DOORBELL BUZZING) Lisa, you'll get the lights, This is it.
Okay.
One, two, three ALL: Surprise! Can I see you for a moment? Sure.
Excuse me.
Would you, uh, clean this up, please? Okay, that's all right.
I'm sorry, I've got him.
Sweetie, oh, honey.
Come on, get up.
Come on.
Five more minutes.
No, no, no, honey, honey, there's a party.
Sweetie, there's a party.
All right, I'll-- I'll get the cab.
No, no, honey, honey, you're home.
Honey, honey, you're home! He's here! He's here! Get down, get down.
Sweetie, how was your day? Okay.
Okay, good.
Let's go in for a nice, quiet dinner alone.
Okay.
Okay.
ALL: Surprise! (INAUDIBLE) Sweetie, look.
(ALL CHATTERING) Hey ALL: Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Paulie, so tell me, were you surprised? Ira.
Yeah.
You came to my birthday.
Oh, sweetie, have a seat.
It's been a long day.
Here you go.
Lisa, will you help me with the cake? I'm so tired I'm just saying a phone call the next day would have been nice.
Lolly, let it go.
Breakfast, something.
Lolly, let it go.
ALL: * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul * Happy birthday to you (ALL CHEERING) Sweetie, come on, blow out the candles and make a wish.
(YAWNING) (ALL CHEERING) IRA: Here I go.
All right, get in here.
Hey, if it makes him feel better.
Come on, get in here.
See, this one, I never would have seen coming.
Just hold on.
Seriously, who would have thought? The tragedy of natural selection.
This is not a tragedy.
Excuse me.
I mean for him.
Look, I--I thought that they could be friends.
It's a cat and a bird.
Figure it out.
So now I know.
Look.
I--I'm very sorry for your loss.
Okay? But it's this man's birthday.
He's convinced himself he's doomed.
Oh, no, no, I am doomed.
You're not doomed.
Did he tell you about the well? People fall down wells.
It doesn't mean anything.
She won't accept this.
No, I won't.
You're gonna have a good birthday if it kills you.
Please let me handle this.
Okay, good.
You do what you got to do.
Take your little cat.
I'm gonna go get a cab.
I'll see you downstairs.
All right.
Ira, come on.
Tell her you're sorry.
James, it's the circle of life.
Cut me a break.
Will you tell her you're sorry? Okay.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Now forgive him.
Fine.
I forgive you.
Really? No.
Close enough.
Let's go.
We have reservations.
Wait a minute, what about Roscoe? He already ate.
Put him in the bathroom.
Come here, you bad little kitty-cat.
(DOG BARKING) (CAT MEOWING) Oh, wait, Ira.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(CAT HISSING) Look out, Paul! (THUDDING) (CAT MEOWING) PAUL: See, this is what I'm saying! (SIREN BLARING) ALL: * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday to you * Happy birthday, dear Paul * Happy birthday to you (CAT MEOWS)