Magnum, P.I. (1980) s03e21 Episode Script

Whatever it is you want, you have it.
Get in! - You miss a couple of car payments? - Don't get cute, Rod! - He is in trouble, isn't he? - Sort of.
It's like being pregnant, either you are or you aren't.
I don't guess you'd believe that's oregano.
He doesn't like competition.
Hey, don't look at me, I just got hired to fly this clown around.
I'll be damned.
Hey, Moof, don't you know how to knock? Is that any way to treat a narcotics officer, Rodney? - Donner, what the hell are you doing here? - Checking up on one of my old busts.
Hey, man, I'm so clean it smells good.
That music will fry your brain, Rodney.
Stunt your growth too.
I'm gonna let you talk to my parole officer.
She'll tell you I haven't even smoked tobacco, so go ahead You planted that.
Yeah.
But who is your parole officer gonna believe? Officer Gordon.
Hello? What do you want? I'm afraid there's been a mistake.
Mr.
Masters' tastes - literary and otherwise - run toward things rather more substantial than Milford's Encyclopedia And Handy Home Reference Library.
Sir, I've placed sets of Milford's in some of the finest homes in the island.
I'm sure.
Precisely how did you acquire Mr.
Masters' name? Well, actually, I got your name.
It was a chick, I know that.
A chick? Well, not really a chick, she was definitely past her prime.
She had gray hair.
- Agatha.
- That's it.
Agatha.
Agatha.
- Agatha - Chumley? That's it.
That's it.
Agatha Chumley.
She said you two were extremely tight.
Agatha said that? Zeus! Apollo! Stay! Stay.
Sit, lads.
Higgins, the lads have got to go! Why? Because they caught you pilfering a bottle of Mr.
Masters' special reserve? - Pilfering? - What else do you call sneaking out of the wine cellar with a bottle of '54 Duchamp? We used to call it living off the land in Vietnam and Magnum was terrific at it.
Rod? Hot Rod Chrysler? - # Once upon a time # - I don't believe it.
Me neither.
What's it been? 15 years? - Rod and I were at the Academy together.
- How very collegiate.
And Nam.
Yeah, that too.
What are you doing here? - Selling encyclopedias.
- Encyclopedias? The thick books with the big words and so very few pictures.
- Cute, Higgins.
- I thought so.
I'm sure you two have dozens of war stories to tell each other, so don't let me detain you.
Come on.
We'll split a bottle.
Not with a '54 Duchamp you won't.
- You wouldn't consider - No.
I didn't think so.
Come on, Rod, I got a couple of beers in the guesthouse.
If you'll just think about it, I'll get you a dynamite deal, best in the island.
Mahalo.
You look great.
- So do you, Hot Rod.
- Forget Hot Rod.
He and I parted company a long time ago.
Mom still asks about you, but after you left the Navy - you fell off the edge of the worid.
- I had to go off and grow up.
It was a long road, a lot of twists and turn, turn, turn.
Yeah.
For all of us.
It is cool, I don't regret a second of it.
There are many that do, however, including my ex.
- You got married? - It got me.
Five years' worth.
And a divorce that blew me away.
I tell you, my ex has become totally radical but it's all worth it.
Dig - Rodney Charles Chrysler Junior.
Huh? - Hey! - Lives with his mother in LA.
- A little Hot Rod.
That's great.
Do you get to see him much? Every time I go back to the mainland.
I'm going there tonight.
- You live here? - For a year now.
Ever since the divorce.
I figured I needed a change, I found this sales gig with no time clock staring down at me, and no desk to get locked behind and fairly decent bread.
- Sounds perfect.
- Speaking of bread Oh, what's this? Last time I saw you, I hit you up for a couple of hundred and I swore that I'd send it to you and I never did, which is typical.
- Come on.
- I know what you're gonna say, but don't.
Let me do this, OK? Please? It's for me as much as it is for you.
I'll postdate it Monday because I've got a commission check that will come in and cover it.
There you go.
Oh, I'm gonna have to pass on those beers.
I got to catch that flight to see Rodney.
I got one of those low-cash flights - no refund if I miss it.
Plus I got a couple of deliveries on opposite ends of the island.
I know I shouldn't have kept selling, but I figured one more commission check The kid, he loves those pony rides out in the valley.
- I can make one of those deliveries for you.
- I can't let you do that for me.
Well, I won't do it for you, I'll do it for little Hot Rod.
I always could count on you, Tom.
Come on.
OK, so let's see I'm gonna be back on Monday.
I'll give you a ring, we'll have a couple of beers, and then we'll just tell each other some lies about the good old times we used to have, right? Right.
Wrong.
Man, I am running a business here, cash and carry.
Look, T.
C.
, all you got to do is keep that check till Monday.
And then when Rod's clears, you cash mine and we're even, OK? I am not getting through to you, am I? Cash and carry.
Your cash, my carry.
No checks, no I.
O.
U.
s.
- Cash! - But OK.
OK.
I see your point.
No sense in you going out of your way to help a buddy of mine, right? It's not gonna work, that is not gonna work.
Remember that time in Nam, you and I were in that funny little bar in Saigon, and those airborne guys were gonna rip you into little pieces? I have heard all of this before.
It's OK.
Fine.
It's heavy.
You know, I remember after the fight, I sold my camera, my only camera, to the guy who owned the bar to pay for damages.
for a $500 camera.
But it kept you out of the brig.
You know You got a great memory for remembering things you want to remember.
The only problem with that is you keep forgetting things like gas bills, repair bills, bullet holes.
Relax, T.
C.
All we're doing is delivering a box of encyclopedias.
Whoo! - You don't think that could be that guy? - Definitely.
That's the whirlybird express! - You sure this is the place? - That's what Rod said.
Somehow, those guys don't look like the reading type.
Maybe they just like the pictures.
Hey, shave ice.
Finally a chance to relax after we work.
- This your truck? - Yeah.
Mine.
- You order some encyclopedias? - Encyclopedias? - Yeah.
From Rod Chrysler.
- Oh, yeah.
Encyclopedias, right.
Got it.
Hey, hang on, guys, I wanna check we've got all the volumes here.
T.
C.
Oh, man, you have done it again.
Hey, what kind of rip-off is this? We paid for ten keys, there's only nine in there.
Uh - Damn.
- Hey, Dolphie.
I'll deal with you in a minute.
You know what? Our boss doesn't like competition.
Well, hey, don't look at me, I just got hired to fly this clown around.
Then you know all his delivery routes? - Every drop.
- Hey, shut up! Don't tell me to shut up.
I won't get involved in no dealer war.
Why you chicken-livered You better come on.
Home free.
Almost.
You guys were had.
Royally, totally, completely, to the max, had.
Two of the straightest guys in the island muling dope to an unknown.
You never heard of a Rod Chrysler as a dealer? Never.
It's probably some hot dog trying to make a couple of extra bucks.
When the police get through with him, I got a couple of extra bucks for him.
Listen.
One of the guys was named Dolphie.
Ever heard of him? - Dolphie.
Dolphie Crenshaw? - Well, I didn't ask his last name.
It had to be Crenshaw.
Man, you guys are lucky you weren't iced permanently.
Crenshaw works for the biggest drug dealer on this island.
If he thought you were trying to muscle in on his territory, you'd be dead meat.
Did you hear that? Dead meat? I mean, when they find out that we're not dealers, they'll let us alone.
Yeah, but what if that's not till after they've Don't worry about it.
I'll put the word out that you guys were had, which you were.
But your friend Rod's going to be fish food unless the coppers get to him first.
I didn't call the police.
What? I wanted to hear Rod's side of the story before I got him in trouble.
Got him in trouble? We're the ones getting shot at.
We're the ones that Dolphin is looking for for muscling in.
- It's Dolphie.
- I don't care if it's Tuna.
I'm calling 5-0.
What's the matter? You hate dope dealers as much as I do.
- We don't know Rod's a dealer.
- You don't know it, but I do.
- Just give me 24 hours to find him.
- If Dolphie lets him live that long.
He made it through Nam, he'll make it through the next 24 hours.
You owe this guy, huh? When lvan was holding you and I in Duc Hue Rod was Stateside, he found out I was an MIA, he took a 30-day leave and he spent it with my mom.
If this is another attempt to pilfer a bottle from the wine cellar, Magnum, it won't work.
Higgins, I was just walking in to ask you a question.
On your toes? I was not on my toes! I can't help it if I walk softly.
What do you want me to do? Wear a silver bell round my neck? In your case, I think brass would suffice.
Is that real? Of course it's real.
It was entrusted to me by the Baron von Brandenburg for safekeeping.
What, the old guy? Who wears the walrus moustache and chases the maids around while he's here? I believe the baron has a moustache, yes.
He's back? - With his bride, Elizabeth Quill.
- I know that name.
In the modeling worid, she was known as Miss EI.
He married Miss EI? - And they're here? - Yes.
Although I haven't seen them since dinner last night.
It's almost six.
What do you suppose they could be doing all this time? What is it you want, Magnum? What is it you want? Uh, Rod Chrysler's phone number.
Rod Chrysler? The encyclopedia salesman? I thought he was a chum of yours.
He forgot to give me his number, but he gave you his card.
I hope this doesn't mean an endless summer of his presence on the estate.
I just want to get in touch with him.
He didn't strike me as the trustworthy type, if you know what I mean.
- No, you wouldn't.
- The card.
Rod wasn't the same guy I'd known in the academy, or in Nam.
But then neither was I.
But no matter what he'd become, I didn't want to believe it was a dealer.
I couldn't believe it, not after what he'd done for my mom.
Interviews aren't till one o'clock.
Oh, uh, I'm not looking for a job, I'd like to speak to one of your salesmen.
Oh, be right there.
Herm Dunbar, Sales Manager.
Normally we keep the door locked during the lunch hour.
- We don't have much walk-in trade.
Mr - Magnum.
Mr.
Magnum, you know you are one in a thousand.
That's what our sales research people say, one in a thousand, but there is no problem.
No problem at all.
Here it is.
The top-of-the-line, the Milford Milestone Edition, bound in Moroccan leather with - Mr.
Dunbar.
- Herm.
I'm here to see Rod Chrysler.
Rod One of the very best, I taught him the business myself.
But he's not here and I thought that I could I'd feel better if I spoke to him, you understand? I do, I understand, but I mean he's not here.
Did he fly to LA to see his kid? I don't know anything about any kid.
- Can you give me his address? - No.
I don't have it.
He comes in here, places his orders, picks up his commission checks.
I've got to be perfectly honest with you.
I've had a few problems with Chrysler.
He's a little bit of a flake, if you know what I mean.
Don't misunderstand me, I love him, he's like my own kid.
Otherwise, why would I give him a job, him being on probation? - Probation? - Mm-hm.
- For what? - Growing dope.
Now, Mr.
Magnum, we have this weekend an offer that only I am Thanks.
I know, it was time to call 5-0 and fill them in.
I mean, how much proof did I need that Rod was dealing? I guess a little more, because I didn't call 5-0.
I went to the authorities, though.
Well, sort of.
- Miss Gordon? - Officer Gordon.
Have a seat, I'll just be a second.
Never ceases to amaze me.
Just because I'm a woman and relatively attractive, my parolees seem to think they can break rules without paying the piper, Mr.
Peters.
No, look, there's been a mistake.
We'd better get something straight.
You can tell your mother, sister, girlfriend or wife anything you want to about how you were framed on your - bunko charge.
- No.
Wait a minute.
- You don't understand.
- Taking insurance money from old ladies.
No.
My name's Magnum.
- Why isn't it listed here as an alias? - It's Thomas Magnum.
I'm a private investigator.
See? - Sorry.
- That's all right.
- What can I do for you? - I need information on one of your parolees.
- Which one? - Rod Chrysler.
- Is he in trouble? - No, we're just buddies.
We served in Nam and I heard he was here.
- He is in trouble, isn't he? - No.
Look, I can smell a lie before you can say it, I have to in this line of work.
Well, let's just say maybe.
OK.
You give me his address, I'll come back here with him, we'll explain the whole thing.
How close are you two? Well, he did something for me once, it was a nice thing, kind thing, and I figure I owe him one.
I know what you mean.
Look, I don't trust Rod as far as I can see him, but when my mom was in the hospital, he went to visit her every single day.
He told her he was one of my co-workers.
Nice thing to do for a scared old lady.
- Mm.
- Look.
I'm not gonna give you his address, but I will tell you where he's working today.
Whatever it is, I want to know.
Well, you have my word.
Look, I'm sorry about the mix-up.
- But you do look like the bunko type.
- Thanks.
I'm sorry I'm late for my appointment.
I'm Peters.
Have a seat, Mr.
Peters.
- Why are you running from me, Rod? - I'm not, I'm running from them! Get in! Get down! We haven't done anything like that since we took my '55 Chevy down to St Michael's right before our midshipmen's cruise.
- You know who those guys were, Rod? - Muggers? So to speak.
They're muscle for the biggest dealer in the island.
- You miss a couple of car payments? - Don't get cute, Rod! No, sir.
You see, they think I'm a dope dealer trying to muscle in on their territory.
Why would they think that, Rod? - I got an idea.
- And I want to hear all about it.
I know it sounds like an excuse, but Cindy was really growing the stuff.
Cindy's my ex.
We were pretty broke at the time, up in Big Sur, and everybody was cultivating a little bit.
Not everybody.
Everybody who lived there.
Anyway, the narcs decided to clean it up, so we got busted.
I couldn't see her going down, she being pregnant.
- So I said it was my patch and took the fall.
- How gallant.
She divorced me while I was doing time in Camarillo.
After you took the rap? It was 18 months.
She had little Rodney, you know.
She got lonely.
She met some country singer from Bakersfield and It happens.
So you moved to Oahu and started your own patch here.
No, I swear to you I didn't do that.
I was super cool when I got here.
I had to be, I was still on summary.
Then how did a case of encyclopedias turn into nine bricks of marijuana? Donner.
The narc who busted me in Big Sur.
He shows up here a week ago.
He walks into my house, plants drugs on me and tells me I got to make a drop for him, - or I'm back in Camarillo.
- Why didn't you call the police? What am I gonna say to the police? It's a narc's word against mine.
Who are they gonna believe? So you just decided to drop your load of troubles onto me, huh? I'm sorry about that.
I was scared, man.
I didn't know if this was for real or if he was trying to set me up for a bust.
So if anyone gets busted, let it be me? Hey, I read in the paper where you're involved in some kind of aerial coke bust, so I figured you'd flash your ID and then escape.
It's kinda dumb, huh? Not kinda, Rod.
OK.
I can understand you not going to 5-0, but why didn't you tell Officer Gordon? Oh, no.
You didn't go to Gordon, did you, Magnum? - Get in, Rod.
- She's a great-looking chick.
But on top of those long legs is the brains of a barracuda.
If you said anything to her, then I'm back in Camarillo.
Get in, Rod.
Where we going? Thomas? Buddy? Coming back won't do you any good.
Rules are rules, Peters.
It's Magnum.
Oh.
I did it again, didn't I? Well, Peters and I sort of look alike.
I take it you found Rod? And he's in trouble? Sort of.
Being in trouble's like being pregnant, either you are or you aren't.
Well, he is, but I don't think it's his fault.
- They say the same about being pregnant.
- No, see I think it's just possible that Rod's been set up.
He tells a pretty convincing story.
Don't they all? - Where is he? - Rod.
Hi, Miss Gordon.
How's your mom? Hi, guys.
Oh I was just making change.
See, it's It says it's 35 cents and I put in two quarters, and I was just looking for 15 cents.
See, that would make it even.
But what the heck? What's 15 cents, huh? As a matter of fact, why don't I buy you a cup of coffee? You want some coffee? I don't suppose you have any change, do you? Right.
Got it.
Right.
OK.
Thanks, Jim.
I will.
Officer Donner is on vacation in Hawaii.
Didn't I tell you? And the number you gave me is the same one he left with his office.
You were telling the truth.
You shouldn't have doubted me, Thomas.
Who are you calling? - 5-0, Narcotics.
- No, no.
You can't do that.
Why not, Rod? Is there something you haven't told us? - It will be my word against a narc.
- He's right.
Donner will just deny it.
And who'd believe Rod? Who'd believe me? Except my pals.
I don't have a choice.
I have to involve Narcotics.
What did I tell you? Barracuda.
You could call 5-0 after we catch Donner.
With the dope.
And how are we gonna do that? - We just set up a sale through Rod.
- Me? Yeah.
You've got nothing to fear, Rod, as long as you're telling the truth.
I am, I swear.
Oh, Mr.
Peters.
I mean Magnum.
This whole thing is out of my jurisdiction.
I know.
I just thought your job was taking care of people like Rod, seeing to it that they had a chance to get their lives back on track, to get an opportunity to atone for the mistakes of their past, to contribute to society, to take their place among Oh, enough! and to contribute - Enough! How do we set up this bust? Rod called Donner and told him he had a buyer for all the grass he could supply.
Donner was suspicious but Rod acted very excited, asked for 20% commission and settled for five.
It was a performance Olivier would have been proud of.
Which is what worried me.
When Rod wants, he can lie with the best of them.
As soon as this thing's over with, I'm gonna fly back to the mainland, get close with the kid.
Spend some time with him.
Take him out to play ball.
Ride the ponies.
- Sounds great.
- It is, man, it's the best.
And I'm going to make it up to you, Tom.
I don't know how yet, but I'm going to.
Just see to it that little Hot Rod doesn't have to drive to Camarillo to see you.
For sure, buddy.
For sure.
I want you to know that I was really getting it back together.
A little slow, maybe, but I was doing it.
Until that creep Donner came along.
Creeps come with the lifestyle, Rod.
You still don't believe me, do you? Mostly I do.
I just, uh I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I had some doubts, that's all.
Would I be pounding the pavement selling encyclopedias if I was a dope dealer? - Now, really? - No, probably not.
Those suckers were heavy, man.
This arm's four inches longer than the other.
You know, I got to admit, watching you trying to run with that sample case was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.
Why didn't you just dump it and run for daylight? What, are you kidding? A salesman never leaves his sample case - rule number one.
Come on, the chili's about ready.
And the way you're gonna love it, too.
Cayenne pepper, curry, beans, onions.
I gave some to your mom, she loved it.
Hey, man, we better hurry up and eat this while it's still hot.
I don't guess you'd believe that's oregano.
- I can explain.
- I bet you can, Rod.
You can always explain.
I bet you got about half a dozen all ready and waiting.
One for every time you get caught.
Let me tell you about it over the ch What are you doing? Give me another chance to explain.
For little Rodney's sake.
- Fifth Precinct.
- Officer Gordon, please.
- Hold, please.
- Yeah, I'll hold.
All right.
Donner gave me ten keys to deliver.
I kept just one of them.
I was gonna use the money to run.
When a guy like Donner gets hold of you, you don't get out of that.
He'd've used me and used me.
Then I get busted, and he either is gonna off me or he sends me back to prison.
I didn't have any other choice.
Thomas.
I know that I should have told you the truth, but I couldn't.
Don't ask me why, I just couldn't.
You get to the point where if you do one more wrong thing you lose it all, no matter how good your friends are.
That's the truth.
I swear it.
Are you still holding? Yeah, I'm still holding.
You got to believe me.
I'm not a dope dealer.
You delivered the stuff yourself.
I mean, there was one key missing, right? If I'm a dope dealer, am I gonna short the guys one key? Am I? Give me an answer, Thomas, please.
Thank you, man.
You're still gonna keep that meeting with Donner at the park at ten.
Right.
Ten on the dot.
And then when we get him, I never want to see you again.
- Thomas.
- No.
Please, Rod, please.
No visiting my mom.
Just get out of my life for good.
Thomas if you feel that way why are you going through all this for me? I'm not doing it for you, Rod.
I'm doing it to get scum like Donner off the street.
Gotcha.
Whatever you guys want, you have it.
- We don't want you cutting into our territory.
- That's simple.
You got it.
Good.
We'll make sure of that.
You don't have to kill me, I'm gone, this is me leaving here, I'm going to the airport, I'll see my kid, he's a three-year-old.
- I'm gonna take him pony riding.
- That's nice.
I like a man who cares about his kid.
I hope your widow finds a guy as good as you to look after him.
I'm just a delivery boy.
Uh-huh? The word is you suckered those other haoles into that.
I did, I did, but I'm not the main man.
I'm gonna go to his place right now and to the rest of his stash, which is 100 keys.
A hun.
If you off me and it's still floating around, your boss won't like that.
But you two guys could be real heroes, you get my main man and 100 keys.
In exchange for my life.
Talk to me.
You know, this is exciting.
Very.
All I get to do is talk to them after they've served time.
To actually be in on the kill.
Figuratively speaking.
Any sign of them? Not yet.
You know, Tom, that guy's probably halfway to Frisco by now.
Never trust a doper, they think different.
Come on, guys, give me a break.
We're giving you a break just by being here.
Thomas is an expert on the Hawaiian goose chase.
The what? We once spent three weeks chasing a band of Hungarian acrobats over the island.
- It all started with that pair of black tights - He's here.
My God.
It's working.
He's taking that gray compact.
Let's hit it! - I thought we had a deal.
- We have, they just want to see a sample.
They wanted me to bring them over here.
I said I'll bring you a lid and you can taste it.
I don't want to risk 'em spotting you, you know what I mean? Did I ever show you a picture of my kid? Is that beautiful? I don't understand why I told you, T.
C.
, we're trying to keep the cops out of it till we get Donner.
And then when we catch Donner, the city's going to reimburse me all of my expenses.
- Of course.
- I'm talking about gas, time, damages.
What damages? What do you think that is, natural air conditioning? Oh.
Don't lose him! He's turning.
Gee, whizz! A cop, huh? Parole officer.
He's turning into that condo.
See if you can land on the roof.
Uh you guys go on.
After she shuts down, I'll stay up here and keep an eye on the street for Donner.
If he tries to get away, I'll nab him.
What are you gonna do? Land on him with your helicopter? Do you have a gun? And a permit? They haven't caught an elevator yet.
Hey.
Why aren't they using the elevator? Aren't you going to your room? You think I'm nuts? Only a yo-yo like you would stash 100 keys in his room.
- Maybe they're walking up.
- To the 14th floor? How do you know Donner's going to the 14th floor? This is his condo.
I thought you knew.
Oh, terrific.
We got an elevator before Donner, we'll beat him to his room.
- That's not moving.
- They must still be in the garage.
Is Donner dumb enough to keep - Nobody is that dumb.
- Then where? Somewhere in the garage.
Well, hey, wait a minute.
- Rick, keep her here.
- You got it.
- He can't get away with that.
- He just did.
I didn't want to deprive Parole Officer Gordon of the thrill of the kill, but my little voice was telling me we might not be the only ones on this hunt.
Oh, wow! Yeah.
Wow.
Where did you get this much, man? Put a little aside every time we make a bust.
Adds up in no time.
I'll bet it does.
I wouldn't.
Who the hell are you? - My buddy.
- I'm not your buddy.
- Thomas, we got - Quiet.
Let's just sit tight.
We're waiting for Dolphie, aren't we? - I told you to keep her out of here.
- I tried.
She threatened to arrest me.
Thank God you're a police officer.
I'm Parole Officer Gordon.
- Parole Officer? - You're under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you can say Anything you may say May say can be held against you in a court of law.
Look, Tom, I got to tell you - We've got nothing to say to each other.
- I do.
Drop 'em.
I don't believe this.
I said drop 'em.
Check it out.
- There's at least 100 bricks there.
- Well, I'll be damned.
- What did I tell you? I don't lie.
- You little piece of crud.
Hey, man, people in glasshouses don't throw bricks.
I'm looking out for number one.
I delivered like I promised.
Yeah.
OK.
Split.
- What are you gonna do to them? - You gotta be kidding.
I'm sorry, Tom.
Really.
All right.
Freeze! All right.
Freeze.
Wow.
The baron sent word that he and Miss El would be leaving this afternoon.
- He sent word? - Yes.
They haven't left their suite since they arrived Thursday.
- Five days.
- I just keep sending in food and drink.
It's absolutely decadent.
Come in.
I'm going to be leaving.
I got Rod a ticket home and a friend of mine in LA will be his parole officer.
Ah.
Are you going to continue selling encyclopedias? No, I got a job with a dealer.
Used cars in Van Nuys.
Another friend.
Well, I guess there's nothing left to say except goodbye.
Have a safe flight.
You don't have to say anything.
I just want you to know I don't blame you.
I deserve your condemnation.
I'll never forget everything you did for me.
Ever.
I love you like a brother.
Rod.
Give little Hot Rod a hug for me.
- Little Hot Rod? - We'd better go.
Aloha.
It's his son.
Rod doesn't have a son.