Northern Exposure s03e21 Episode Script
It Happened in Juneau
Well, all right.
That was Rockin'Dopsie and the Zydeco Twisters.
And before that- Who was before that? Well, before that was Pablo Lubadika Porthos starting things out this quarter hour with- Huh.
Well, if anybody can remember, go ahead and call it in.
Uh, word of warning to the unwary- don't get sick this weekend.
Our own Dr.
Joel is off for a medical conference in Juneau.
Everybody's entitled to a little boondoggle now and then, I suppose.
While he's away, Joel's provided for an on-call physician from Sleetmute.
My advice- take two aspirins and wait till Monday.
Time for the Bird-watchers' Bulletin Board.
"Sal Valdez gwisglet"- All right.
"Saldez portaka"- "Sal Valdez reports a whiskered auklet.
" Uh- I'm-I'm sorry, people.
I seem to be problems.
Uh- l-I seem- I seem to be "blems" gettin' the words out.
Tech-Technical difficulties.
How about this one? This works, doesn't it? It's assertive but not overly aggressive.
It's okay.
Oh, I should've got that jacket taken in.
Damn.
You have Dr.
Parker's number, right? I don't wanna be bothered unless it's an emergency.
You told me.
Even then, what can I do? I'll be in Juneau.
Hey, Marilyn.
Please, just a bit of consideration.
Those slides are only the most integral part of my presentation.
I'm hoping that "Early Detection of Inner Ear Effusion of the Alaskan Child" will make Dr.
Joel Fleischman the hit of the Sixth Annual Pacific Northwest Pediatric Conference.
Don't worry.
Worried? Who's worried? Excited.
I'm excited.
For the next three days, I'm gonna be surrounded by colleagues- physicians like myself- many of whom, if demographics hold, will be under 35, female and single.
It'll be like shooting ducks in a barrel, bees to honey, moths to a flame.
Women flock to pediatrics, Marilyn.
It's the nurturing thing, you know? Geriatrics, physical therapy.
But pediatricians, man, they're the best.
They worry most about their personal appearances.
It's a fact, Marilyn.
Within a very small range of error, you can predict an M.
D.
's entire personality based on his or her field of specialization.
Orthopedists are butchers, hammer-and-nail guys.
Radiologists- country clubbers, gas passers.
Tend not to speak English.
But female pediatricians, on the other hand, fall somewhere between Jane Fonda and candy stripers in heat.
You done? I gotta go.
Here.
All right.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Siegfried, act 1, by Wagner.
Stevens? What do you think you're doing? What do you mean? You know exactly what I mean.
Das Rheingold's one thing, but if you think I'm going to subject myself to the whole Ring of Nibelung, you're sadly mistaken.
All right, Maurice.
The thing is, something the matter is- My voice.
What, you got laryngitis or somethin'? Somethin'.
Okay, well, if you want continuous programming, we've got the greatest musical comedies in the world staring you right in the face.
But I want that Kraut off my airwaves.
Do you understand me? - Yeah.
- All right.
Good.
Play some show tunes.
Chris.
Bernard? Bernard, is that you? Hey, Brother.
Oh, man! It's you! I guess the chinos didn't work out in Botswana, huh? Africa called, and I answered.
Whoo-doggy! Bernard, natural very it on you looks.
Uh, what mean I is, very it looks natural you on, Bernard.
Comfortable too.
You okay? No.
Are you? Great.
Huh.
When'd you get back? Tuesday.
You didn't know? No.
I never got your card.
I never sent one.
Well, I just thought you'd know.
Yeah, right.
Right.
No blips on the radar.
Wanna get somethin' to eat? Wanna get somethin' to drink? You're not thirsty? Hungry as a horse.
You? I'm dry as the Sahara.
Huh.
Huh.
Come on, Red.
Come on.
Great.
Here he is.
Case, slides, hotel reservation number.
Wait a minute.
Hey.
Hey.
What's goin' on? Good morning, Fleischman.
Is all this yours? Yeah.
Off toJuneau.
What, for the summer? You know, I'm in such a good mood, O'Connell, not even you can spoil it.
As soon as Red gets here, I'm winging off for three days of nirvana.
Seventy-two hours of freedom.
An entire weekend to forget all about this place and concentrate on nothin' but seminars and sin.
- Well, Red's not coming.
- What do you mean Red's not coming? I just spoke to him.
He's got a hot date in Fairbanks, and I wanna see the road company of Les Miz, so we swapped.
Wait a minute.
What - I don't wanna be swapped.
What difference does it make? A lot.
It makes a lot of difference.
I'm sorry, but I wanted to start this trip fresh, and now I've got three hours of you to look forward to.
That's great.
Put a sock in it, Fleischman.
All right.
Wait.
What am I saying? It's just a plane ride.
As soon as we get toJuneau, life begins again.
There's no O'Connell there.
I don't know you.
I never met you.
You don't exist.
As far as I'm concerned, you'rejust an anonymous bush pilot whose life is of absolutely no consequence to me.
- Are you through? - Shall we? And no funny stuff, O'Connell.
No bumps, no turbulence.
No air pockets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So this problem started three days ago? Maybe two.
Suddenly myself all tied up, getting fouled.
Words not come out right.
Like-Like that.
Sounds like gibberish.
It's not gibberish really.
It's like inversion, skipped words, missed sentences.
The condition comes and goes? Mm-hmm.
Eggs sunny-side, home fries, whole wheat.
Sure I can't get you anything, Chris? No.
I'm not hungry, Shel.
Mm.
Love the beanie.
Huh? Thanks.
I think you should see Dr.
Fleischman.
Can't.
Juneau he's in.
This could be serious.
Doesn't feel way.
It's more like- What? Something's missing, you know? Uh, I'm out-of-groove.
Fibrillation.
Huh? It sounds like you need to be defibrillated.
What do you mean, my heart? No.
Verbally defibrillated.
If your heart can get out of rhythm, why not your tongue? Yeah.
It's interesting.
Well, it's possible that after all these years and all those words, you just need to get retracked.
Like-Like reformatting a hard disk.
Error messages on your "C" drive.
That's interesting.
Very.
Excuse me.
Uh, doctor in? Uh-uh.
Uh, know when he'll be back? Monday.
Oh.
Where is he? Juneau.
Oh.
Got a problem? Yeah.
Take your shirt off.
You a doctor? No, but I watch.
T-shirt.
Sit.
Breathe.
Don't breathe.
Breathe.
Again.
Open.
Say "Ah.
" Ahhh.
What's wrong? Get dressed.
Well? You're going to die.
- What? - You're going to die.
- When? Why? - You smoke too much.
I know.
I'm down to two packs a day.
Down from three.
But- I've tried nicotine gum, hypnosis.
I was thinkin' maybe about trying that new shoulder-patch thing.
- Think it might help? - Maybe.
Don't give me "turbulence, '"O'Connell.
I know about thermals and wind shear.
That little experiment in terror was not due to natural causes.
You did it on purpose.
Grow up, Fleischman.
You tellin' me that three bounces before touchdown is standard procedure? It was a crosswind.
Hi.
Welcome toJuneau.
Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
I could have landed that plane better.
You can't drive a stick shift, Fleischman.
Mm.
What? What? I don't know if anyone told you or not, but we had a little water problem in your room last night.
No.
No one told me.
A broken main.
Everything's fine now, but we have had to do some shuffling around.
Hmm.
Wait.
I made these reservations weeks ago.
I happen to have a very important presentation tomorrow.
- I'm sure we can straighten things out.
- I'm sure we can too.
I have a room here.
One moment, please.
This is great.
First, I'm forced to fly here with a homicidal man-hater.
Now they screw up my reservation.
Fleischman, try showing a little grace under pressure, huh? You're in luck.
The manager has agreed to put you and Mrs.
Fleischman into our suite.
Whoa.
I am not Mrs.
Fleischman.
Well, we don't pry into the affairs of our guests.
What she means is we're not together.
I mean, not in the together sense of together.
We might have come here together, but we're not an item.
I mean, we're barely friends.
Thank you, Fleischman.
Listen, I have my own reservation.
O'Connell.
Maggie O'Connell.
I booked it yesterday through White River Travel.
Now, that's gonna be a problem.
- What? - Your room is underwater right now.
So-So give me another room.
Well, the suite is all we had.
Well, tough break, O'Connell.
They'll just have to book you into another hotel.
I'm afraid they're filled with our overflow.
Wait a minute.
You're telling me there's not a single bed in all ofJuneau? - Not at the moment.
- So, what-What am I supposed to do, sleep in my plane? Well, Dr.
Fleischman's suite comes with two bedrooms.
Perhaps the two of you could- We'll take it.
No way.
Forget it.
Why? Why? Because I didn't fly all the way toJuneau to be stuck in a hotel room with you, O'Connell.
That's why.
Fleischman, you won't even know I'm there.
Are you delirious? This is my weekend.
Mine, okay? This is my chance to get away from Cicely and meet some other people- some girls- to have sex with strangers.
Fleischman, I'm tired, and it's late.
No, no, no, no, no.
Are you seriously gonna refuse me a place to sleep? Are you that shallow? Are you that incredibly small of a human being? Here you go.
Thank you.
- Oh, excuse me.
Could you show me and Dr.
Schweitzer to my room, please? - Sure.
- Enjoy your stay.
- Don't push it.
Welcome back to K-Bear radio.
You're listening to Chris in the Morning.
Chris in the Late Afternoon actually.
And this isn't Chris Stevens.
It's Bernard Stevens, sitting in for my brother, Chris.
Chill, Cicely.
For the names may change, the tune remains the same.
And by the way, my brother Chris would like to thank all of you who've called in to express your support.
We're all hoping for a speedy recovery from whatever it is that's been afflicting him of late.
In the meantime, a big hello to all of you out there from all of me in here.
As you may know, I spent the last three months in Africa, a wondrous, magical place.
But as shadows lengthen across the K-Bear window, thoughts turn to homecoming, journey's end.
Because, in a sense, it's the coming back- the return- which gives meaning to the going forth.
We-We really don't know where we've been until we've come back to where we were.
Only where we were may not be as it was because of who we've become.
Which, after all, is why we left.
Do you have anything to add, Chris? Couldn't myself have better it said.
Oh.
Sorry.
Hey, I'm leavin' in a minute.
You got a key, right? What? I said you got a key, right? I can't hear you.
What? Key.
You have a key.
Right.
I'll probably be back pretty late.
I'm sure you'll be asleep by the time I get back.
Of course, there's the distinct possibility I may not be back at all.
In which case, don't freak out.
All right? Yeah, yeah.
I shall be back in the morning to collect my notes.
Okay? What? Okay? What? O'Con- Fleischman, Huh? You ever hear of knocking? Sorry.
I dropped my earring.
Well, anyway, while you're here, would you mind zippin' me up? Yeah.
Turn around.
Thanks.
That's a nice dress.
Is that a dig? No.
Why should that be a dig? Well, you know, coming from you.
Hey, it happens to be a very nice dress.
Well, thank you.
Here, wait a minute.
I'll fix your tie.
It's a little crooked.
There we go.
Thanks.
Mm-hmm.
So, you're goin' to Les Miz, huh? Yeah.
And then what? I don't know.
I'll go grab somethin' to eat, come back here, watch some TV.
Why? Nothing.
I just wanted to make sure that we didn't, you know- What? Just meet unexpectedly.
Just that we didn't bump into each other.
Excuse me? You know, meet in the lobby or something.
Don't worry, Fleischman.
I have no intention of cramping your alleged style.
Hey, all I meant was l- Bag all the bimbos you want, Fleischman.
It's not a sight I care to see.
Look, I would hardly call an aggregate of highly trained professional women bimbos.
Sluts then? They're doctors, O'Connell.
Oh.
Skilled specialists.
Doctors, you know? Right.
Hey, look, it's not like we came here together or anything.
- I didn't ask you to come toJuneau.
- I know, Fleischman.
I know.
You're right.
And let me tell you something.
If you had, I wouldn't have.
3 and 2 to Kevin Brown with a runner on first.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi there.
That's me right there actually.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hi.
John Harcourt.
Hi.
Dr.
, uh? Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
Pediatrics.
Oak Mill, Seattle.
How about you? Um, general practice.
Cicely, Alaska.
Alaska? Really? Where's Cicely exactly? Um, it's, uh- It's kind of northeast actually.
You know, my wife and I have been talking about taking a vacation up here for years.
Maybe you could suggest an itinerary.
Oh, hi.
We have a few weeks in June.
Excuse me.
Uh, John, I'm - I'm trying to get laid here.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
Don't you find this mating dance a bore? A what? The small talk, the feigned interest in careers.
When all anybody wants to do is get into somebody else's pants.
Excuse me? Coupling and uncoupling.
That's the real agenda of any conference.
Linda Angelo.
Uh, Joel Fleischman.
I know.
I've been watching you.
You've been watching me? You're young, you stay in shape, and I'll bet you haven't come across an available New York physician in a long time.
Boy.
You're from New York, huh? Eighty-second and Lex.
And I am available, Joel.
So, what do you say? About what? Well, life is short.
We could skip dinner and just dive in right now.
Oh, just-just dive in? Right.
So, what do you really like, Joel? What do you like? You like it rough? Well- Rough is good, Joel.
Rough is fine.
Nothing fazes me.
Ooh.
Ah, um- Do you know, it's- It's time for my insulin.
Insulin? I'm gonna - We'll talk later.
Hey.
Serengeti.
Tsavo West actually- the place where man may have been born.
I thought that was Eden.
This very well may be Eden, Shelly.
Oh.
It's really pretty.
Masai tribesmen.
Samburu actually.
Oh.
But, like the Masai and the Fulani, they also herd cattle.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Don't tell me, please, Bernard.
The Congo, right? Oh, for Pete's sake, Stevens.
Let the man speak.
Sorry, Bernard.
Masai Mara in Serengeti.
Now, this is the village I stopped in on my way to Lake Victoria.
The chief there told me Sir Richard Burton stopped there over a hundred years ago while seeking a source of the Nile.
How's the hypoglycemia? What? Oh.
Hi.
Is that a nervous smile I see? Uh, no.
Not at all.
I came on too strong, didn't I? It's a turnoff for you, isn't it, Joel? Uh, well - You feel threatened.
I understand.
You like submissive.
I can do submissive, Joel.
Are you honestly a physician? Back to careers? Oh, I thought we'd gotten past that.
Look, um- Linda.
Linda.
l-I'm just- I'm not available right now, okay? Oh, I get it.
What's that? I've seen it before, Joel.
You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk.
I know.
Your mother gave you baths until high school.
Or maybe it was some traumatic experience during potty training.
Look, baby, it's not that I don't find dysfunction a challenge.
I do.
But it's work, Joel.
It's work.
I didn't come here to work.
He's a perfect little cuckoo guy, isn't he? But we're not gonna do it for $99.
Whoa.
Hey.
Whoa.
Ooh.
Whoops.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
O'Connell.
For cryin' out loud, O'Connell.
Hey, Fleischman, you're a boxer man.
- What time is it? - I always had you pictured as the jockey type.
It's 3:30 in the morning, O'Connell.
I know, Fleischman.
But the night's young for those who have romance in their hearts.
Hi.
Oh! Shame on me.
This is, um - Paul.
Dr.
Paul.
Brennan.
Dr.
Paul Brennan.
Yeah.
Right.
- Dr.
Paul.
- Uh, looking forward to your talk tomorrow.
Well, I guess Fleischman wants to be alone.
- Come on, Dr.
Paul.
- Good night.
He-He picked me up in the bar, Fleischman.
He just couldn't keep his hands off me.
Good night.
What's wrong with his room? and the cubic zirconia diamond.
And they are so expensive when you're talking about- When you get to that size of a ring.
Look how beautiful it is.
To know you'll be giving a $300- Morning, Fleischman.
Good morning, O'Connell.
Have a seat.
Ah, thanks.
I'm starving.
I didn't sleep a wink last night.
I'll bet.
Coffee? Oh, coffee would be great.
Thank you.
Uh, let's see.
The number four.
With, um, scrambled eggs and sausage, raspberry syrup for the pancakes, sourdough toast and a large orange juice.
All right.
Thanks.
Geez.
What happened, he didn't let you up for nourishment? Who? Who? Oh.
Dr.
Paul.
Curious, are we? About what? Come on, Fleischman.
You wanna know if I slept with him.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
O'Connell, the only interest I may have in what you do between the sheets is strictly clinical.
Clinical? Yes.
Naturally, as your physician, I'm concerned that you take proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.
Which I assume you did.
Nice try, Fleischman.
But you're not gonna use a public service announcement to find out if I scored last night.
Hard as this may be to believe, O'Connell, I don't spend my nights wondering whether you've improved your personal batting average or not.
What you do behind closed doors is your own business.
Fine.
So, did you? Fleischman, I never fool around on the first date.
Unless I want to.
Well, did you? Maybe.
Maybe not.
Oh, okay, Fleischman.
For your prurient information- not that it is any of your business- no I didn't.
You didn't? No.
I changed clothes, and then we went dancing.
Oh.
What about you? Any luck? Yeah.
Actually, I met someone very interesting, but, um- Mm-hmm? You know, first night, and I wanted to get my notes in order.
Besides, they had a new print of The Bicycle Thief on cable in the room.
The Bicycle Thief? Yeah.
Vittorio De Sica, 1948.
It's only the most important film in postwar neorealism, O'Connell.
Oh.
I don't know how I missed it.
Next.
Number four.
That's me.
- Hi, Ed.
I'm back.
- Oh! I've got this killer headache, Marilyn.
Sit.
And I keep seeing these tiny yellow and purple dots when I close my eyes.
How long? Since I woke up.
Allergies? I don't think so.
I mean, I tried this really strange blush on once and broke out in hives, but that was a long time ago.
Hangover.
No.
Bump your head? No.
What's that? Lady Stetson.
Wayne sent it to me for our six-month anniversary- of our divorce, I mean.
I think Cindy put him up to it.
Bug spray.
We've been having this ant problem lately.
The creeps have been getting into the dry goods - raisins, Froot Loops, that kind of thing.
So, yesterday I nuked 'em to kingdom come.
What? You think my brain's on tilt from ant bomb? What do I do? Don't leave food around.
Next.
The robes are from Mombasa.
High quality, low price.
Okay.
Fertility dolls.
I look at 'em as a novelty item.
And they're from Kenya.
They're very nice, Bernard, but I can't see trying to move these in Cicely.
Don't underestimate the growing presence of the third world, Ruth-Anne.
I don't.
My Guatemalan handbags are a staple.
But I know my market.
How about the chess set? Hand-carved.
Bernard, I know you've been out of the country, but there's a recession on.
Genuine ebony.
Made by the chief himself.
Well, $45.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
That's unusual.
I've never seen anything quite like that.
What is it? A moth.
Half a moth, actually, encased in amber.
And it's over a hundred years old.
How much do you want for it? It's not for sale.
Well, I was on my way to buy some goatskin bags in Dar es Salaam, and this old peddler put it in my hand and said it was meant for me.
Well, there's a line if I ever heard it.
Worked too.
I bought the necklace, forgot about the bags.
You know, the next day, I woke up with this urge to get rid of my Western clothes.
Really? I don't know if they're related.
But this is definitely not for sale.
What happened to the other half of the moth? I don't know.
Hmm.
Now, severe bilateral middle ear infections were virtually pandemic among this target population 40 years ago.
Now, today, though the numbers have been greatly reduced, um, the problems still persist.
All right.
Lights, please.
Just last month, I got a call from Whitewater to examine this three-year-old suffering from an acute case of otitis media.
But for every case of hot ear I see, there are dozens of cases of Effusia that go undetected.
Uh, next.
No, uh- Um- Next, please.
Here we go.
Okay, here we go.
This, of course, is the familiar Escherichia coli, the causative agent in many cases of suppurative otitis media.
Next.
What? Um- Um, I'm sorry.
Obviously, my assistant must have mixed in some, um, personal- Maggie O'Connell is a bush pilot.
Next, please.
What? Oh.
Really, I'm sorry.
I don't know how these, um- Next.
Wait.
Wait, wait.
Stop.
That was it.
Okay.
Okay, wait.
Stop.
Hey, do they give you these uniforms, or do you have to buy 'em? Uh, they give them to us.
I always wondered.
It's nice, the piping and all.
Thank you, sir.
Ever been to New York? No.
Nope.
Never been there.
That's where I'm from.
Queens actually.
People think of New York, they always think of Manhattan.
But there's five boroughs.
Did you know that? No, I didn't.
Yeah.
Five.
Five little towns all in themselves.
There's Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn- That's the home of doo-wop.
Dion and the Belmonts - "I Wonder Why.
" Bell up front, please.
- That's me.
Take it easy.
- Catch you later.
Not available, huh? Huh? I just had this family practice guy up in my room.
He says he's not married.
Right.
I unhook my bra, he starts to cry.
Just a nut.
So, look, Joel, we can run up to my room right now, do the deed and both get a good night's sleep.
I could iron those wrinkles out of your forehead.
Please.
Okay.
Okay, I can play along.
You need control.
Fine.
You've turned me down.
I'm walking away.
See? I'll be in 402 when you change your mind.
Hey, O'Connell.
What are you doin' here? Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry? For interrupting.
Interrupting what? Isn't there somebody in there? Why would somebody be in the bathroom? I don't know.
You're opening the champagne.
No, O'Connell, nobody's in there.
Nobody under the bed, nobody in the closet.
I think it's safe to say there's not an eligible woman within 20 floors of this room.
Hmm.
You want some? Sure.
Why not? I'd like a little bubbly.
Thanks, Fleischman.
Something to eat? I got peanuts or peanuts.
So, how'd your speech go? Please, I really- I don't wanna talk about it.
Well, to tell you the truth, Fleischman, I just kind of had a feeling like I wanted to be somewhere else, you know? Somewhere else? Yeah.
You mean, like- Well, like here.
Here? Here in this hotel? Well, here in this room actually.
Hmm.
Well, to be quite honest, Fleischman, l - I had a feeling you might be here.
And-Well, don't ask me why, but I thought maybe you'd wanna have dinner or something.
You know, just a bite.
You and me get something to eat? Forget it.
I don't know why I asked.
No.
No, no.
I'm just- Hey.
I'm just surprised.
That's all.
Look, Fleischman, I haven't had any sleep in two whole days, and I'm obviously just not thinking straight, so- Hey, just stop.
What? Well, you wanna have dinner or something? Do you? Well, I could, yeah.
Do you? Okay.
Okay.
So? So? Where do you wanna go? I don't know.
You feel like, uh, Mexican? In Juneau? Chinese? O'Connell.
Is this the effects of 36 hours of sleep deprivation? Do you care? Uh, do you? Mmm.
Wait.
Stop.
We'd better figure this out.
Why? Because.
Are you serious about this? Fleischman, we're both over 21, single, free, H.
I.
V.
-negative.
Aren't we? Yeah.
But- Then shut up, Fleischman.
For once in your life, just shut up.
Hold that thought.
All right.
Yes.
We'll meet back where? In the middle.
All right.
Okay.
Middle of whose room? Your room? My room? In the bed.
In the middle of the bed.
Fine.
Fine.
Whose bed? Just find me, Fleischman.
O'Connell? No.
O'Connell? O'Connell.
Hey.
O'Connell, it's me.
It's Fleischman.
Mm.
O'Connell? Mm.
Whoa! Hi.
Hey! Hoo.
So, you were getting feet? Legs, torso, veld.
Neck and head for me.
Giraffes? On the run.
Serengeti? Had to be.
Oh, man, this is too strange.
Very.
Huh.
Very, very.
Wow.
Half dream.
Half soul? Half-baked.
What? Well, certain cultures believe that, when you dream, your soul becomes a moth that travels the world.
It's why some tribes don't allow cats where they sleep- 'cause they're afraid their souls are gonna be captured before they return.
Karmic freeze-out, huh? That's the theory.
Bernard, that's only half a moth.
You did only remember half the songs you played, only spoke in half sentences.
Generally, I've been half there only.
Absolutely.
What are you sayin'? Ours is a bond that goes beyond the genetic coil, Chris.
We the same moth share.
So to speak.
By my goin' to Africa- Buying the talisman- Somehow, half your moth got lost out there.
Limped back on one wing.
Possibly.
Whoa! Whoa! I'm not buying that for one second.
Are you, Bernard? Well, it is a stretch.
Give it to me.
Good morning.
Fresh coffee over there.
Morning, Fleischman.
Thanks.
So.
So.
Yeah.
Last night.
Yeah, what about last night? Yeah, well, uh- Well, you know, it was, uh, interesting.
Unbelievable is more like it.
Unbelievable? Well, yeah.
Incredible.
Right.
What, you've done that before? No.
No, no, no.
Of course not.
I mean, you know, um- Well, not like that.
I mean, it was- It was different and-and special.
Special? Well, wh-what I mean is, it was- It was great.
I mean, it was fabulous.
You were great.
I mean, I never felt so great.
I was great? Yeah.
I mean, you were, uh- It was everything I ever dreamed of and more.
Much, much more.
How-How was I? Uh, well.
You.
Uh- Honestly? Um, not bad.
That's it? Not bad? Not bad, being the first time and all.
I disappointed you, didn't I? Well- Tell me.
I can handle it.
Well, I mean, I don't want you to take this personally, O'Connell, but, uh- No.
Please.
I kind of hoped you'd- you'd have moved more.
You know? Moved more? Really? Me? I didn't move? - Well, I was tired.
- Yeah.
Still, I mean, it was interesting.
- Interesting? - Yeah.
Well, the thing with the- The what? What thing? You don't remember? You're telling me you don't remember? No.
l- I remember.
Well, I hope so.
I remember.
I just, uh- What? I just-Well- Well, I think I'm gonna go pack.
- Right.
- Right.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm back.
That's right.
Chris in the Morning is once again Chris in the Morning.
Mind and body are one, all systems go, mens sana in corpore sano.
To which I can only add, mirabile dictu.
I'll second that.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's my brother, Bernard- my karmic doppelganger, my buddy, my twin- who pulled me out of my time in trouble.
Bernard, lean on in here and say a few words to the good people of Cicely, huh? Great to see you all again.
Glad you enjoyed the slide show.
Oh, by the way, don't forget the Pan-African boutique at Ruth-Anne's.
All right.
Here's a little juju from Nigeria to get you in the mood.
Well, here we are, Fleischman.
We're back.
Oh, we're back home, back to Cicely.
Good old Cicely- with The Brick and Chris's station and Ruth-Anne's store.
You can stop your chattering, O'Connell.
I got something to tell you.
What? Now, last night- No, no, no, Fleischman.
Let me go first.
Me first.
No, no, no, no.
No, look, Fleischman.
O'Connell.
What happened happened.
I mean, no regrets.
We were away from home, and we forgot who we were.
And that's fine.
You know, that's fine.
And I'm glad it happened in a way, sort of.
You're making a big mistake.
No, no.
The thing is, now that we're back here, Fleischman, now that we're back amongst people that count, it- it- Well, it's embarrassing.
You know? Embarrassing.
Embarrassing? Well, yeah.
I mean, Fleischman, that-that-that you, we, you know, I would sleep with you- I mean, it's just- I mean, I just couldn't face anybody if that got out.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I mean, l- I confess.
There have been times when I've- l-I've actually had certain thoughts about you.
But I would never, never want anybody to know that I had actually gone to bed with you.
Because, I mean, if someone knew, I'djust, like- I couldn't face them.
I couldn't look 'em in the eye ever again.
Ever.
Do you understand? So what I'm saying is that, if you could, uh, well, you know, kind of, if we could keep it to ourselves? I would really, really appreciate it if you just wouldn't tell anybody.
Okay, Fleischman? Please? Yeah.
We'll forget it ever happened.
Yeah.
You know, like, uh- - Like we fell asleep.
- Exactly.
Well, not exactly.
Say no more, O'Connell.
I get the message.
Okay, so we have a deal? My lips are sealed.
Thanks.
Great.
Okay.
See ya, Fleischman.
See ya.
Hey, Marilyn.
Don't you even wanna know how it went? Were there any problems when I was away? No.
Hey, Marilyn, let me ask you something.
Just hypothetically, if you happened to sleep with me, afterwards, would you think that it was great? Or would you basically pretend I didn't exist? I'll be in my office.
"In dreams begin responsibility.
'" So wrote the poet.
So it is perhaps.
Could it be that we take our dreams too lightly? Those images from places unknown.
Could they, in fact, be angels in flight, our souls aloft? You know, recent experiences have made yours truly take another pass through the metaphysical thickets, and as unlikely as it may sound in this rational age, I emerged on the side of those that cannot help but put their faith in that which cannot be easily explained.
Be open to your dreams, people.
Embrace that distant shore.
'Cause our mortal journey is over all too soon.
"The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, "the solemn temples, the great globe itself, "yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve "and, like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind.
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep"
That was Rockin'Dopsie and the Zydeco Twisters.
And before that- Who was before that? Well, before that was Pablo Lubadika Porthos starting things out this quarter hour with- Huh.
Well, if anybody can remember, go ahead and call it in.
Uh, word of warning to the unwary- don't get sick this weekend.
Our own Dr.
Joel is off for a medical conference in Juneau.
Everybody's entitled to a little boondoggle now and then, I suppose.
While he's away, Joel's provided for an on-call physician from Sleetmute.
My advice- take two aspirins and wait till Monday.
Time for the Bird-watchers' Bulletin Board.
"Sal Valdez gwisglet"- All right.
"Saldez portaka"- "Sal Valdez reports a whiskered auklet.
" Uh- I'm-I'm sorry, people.
I seem to be problems.
Uh- l-I seem- I seem to be "blems" gettin' the words out.
Tech-Technical difficulties.
How about this one? This works, doesn't it? It's assertive but not overly aggressive.
It's okay.
Oh, I should've got that jacket taken in.
Damn.
You have Dr.
Parker's number, right? I don't wanna be bothered unless it's an emergency.
You told me.
Even then, what can I do? I'll be in Juneau.
Hey, Marilyn.
Please, just a bit of consideration.
Those slides are only the most integral part of my presentation.
I'm hoping that "Early Detection of Inner Ear Effusion of the Alaskan Child" will make Dr.
Joel Fleischman the hit of the Sixth Annual Pacific Northwest Pediatric Conference.
Don't worry.
Worried? Who's worried? Excited.
I'm excited.
For the next three days, I'm gonna be surrounded by colleagues- physicians like myself- many of whom, if demographics hold, will be under 35, female and single.
It'll be like shooting ducks in a barrel, bees to honey, moths to a flame.
Women flock to pediatrics, Marilyn.
It's the nurturing thing, you know? Geriatrics, physical therapy.
But pediatricians, man, they're the best.
They worry most about their personal appearances.
It's a fact, Marilyn.
Within a very small range of error, you can predict an M.
D.
's entire personality based on his or her field of specialization.
Orthopedists are butchers, hammer-and-nail guys.
Radiologists- country clubbers, gas passers.
Tend not to speak English.
But female pediatricians, on the other hand, fall somewhere between Jane Fonda and candy stripers in heat.
You done? I gotta go.
Here.
All right.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Siegfried, act 1, by Wagner.
Stevens? What do you think you're doing? What do you mean? You know exactly what I mean.
Das Rheingold's one thing, but if you think I'm going to subject myself to the whole Ring of Nibelung, you're sadly mistaken.
All right, Maurice.
The thing is, something the matter is- My voice.
What, you got laryngitis or somethin'? Somethin'.
Okay, well, if you want continuous programming, we've got the greatest musical comedies in the world staring you right in the face.
But I want that Kraut off my airwaves.
Do you understand me? - Yeah.
- All right.
Good.
Play some show tunes.
Chris.
Bernard? Bernard, is that you? Hey, Brother.
Oh, man! It's you! I guess the chinos didn't work out in Botswana, huh? Africa called, and I answered.
Whoo-doggy! Bernard, natural very it on you looks.
Uh, what mean I is, very it looks natural you on, Bernard.
Comfortable too.
You okay? No.
Are you? Great.
Huh.
When'd you get back? Tuesday.
You didn't know? No.
I never got your card.
I never sent one.
Well, I just thought you'd know.
Yeah, right.
Right.
No blips on the radar.
Wanna get somethin' to eat? Wanna get somethin' to drink? You're not thirsty? Hungry as a horse.
You? I'm dry as the Sahara.
Huh.
Huh.
Come on, Red.
Come on.
Great.
Here he is.
Case, slides, hotel reservation number.
Wait a minute.
Hey.
Hey.
What's goin' on? Good morning, Fleischman.
Is all this yours? Yeah.
Off toJuneau.
What, for the summer? You know, I'm in such a good mood, O'Connell, not even you can spoil it.
As soon as Red gets here, I'm winging off for three days of nirvana.
Seventy-two hours of freedom.
An entire weekend to forget all about this place and concentrate on nothin' but seminars and sin.
- Well, Red's not coming.
- What do you mean Red's not coming? I just spoke to him.
He's got a hot date in Fairbanks, and I wanna see the road company of Les Miz, so we swapped.
Wait a minute.
What - I don't wanna be swapped.
What difference does it make? A lot.
It makes a lot of difference.
I'm sorry, but I wanted to start this trip fresh, and now I've got three hours of you to look forward to.
That's great.
Put a sock in it, Fleischman.
All right.
Wait.
What am I saying? It's just a plane ride.
As soon as we get toJuneau, life begins again.
There's no O'Connell there.
I don't know you.
I never met you.
You don't exist.
As far as I'm concerned, you'rejust an anonymous bush pilot whose life is of absolutely no consequence to me.
- Are you through? - Shall we? And no funny stuff, O'Connell.
No bumps, no turbulence.
No air pockets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So this problem started three days ago? Maybe two.
Suddenly myself all tied up, getting fouled.
Words not come out right.
Like-Like that.
Sounds like gibberish.
It's not gibberish really.
It's like inversion, skipped words, missed sentences.
The condition comes and goes? Mm-hmm.
Eggs sunny-side, home fries, whole wheat.
Sure I can't get you anything, Chris? No.
I'm not hungry, Shel.
Mm.
Love the beanie.
Huh? Thanks.
I think you should see Dr.
Fleischman.
Can't.
Juneau he's in.
This could be serious.
Doesn't feel way.
It's more like- What? Something's missing, you know? Uh, I'm out-of-groove.
Fibrillation.
Huh? It sounds like you need to be defibrillated.
What do you mean, my heart? No.
Verbally defibrillated.
If your heart can get out of rhythm, why not your tongue? Yeah.
It's interesting.
Well, it's possible that after all these years and all those words, you just need to get retracked.
Like-Like reformatting a hard disk.
Error messages on your "C" drive.
That's interesting.
Very.
Excuse me.
Uh, doctor in? Uh-uh.
Uh, know when he'll be back? Monday.
Oh.
Where is he? Juneau.
Oh.
Got a problem? Yeah.
Take your shirt off.
You a doctor? No, but I watch.
T-shirt.
Sit.
Breathe.
Don't breathe.
Breathe.
Again.
Open.
Say "Ah.
" Ahhh.
What's wrong? Get dressed.
Well? You're going to die.
- What? - You're going to die.
- When? Why? - You smoke too much.
I know.
I'm down to two packs a day.
Down from three.
But- I've tried nicotine gum, hypnosis.
I was thinkin' maybe about trying that new shoulder-patch thing.
- Think it might help? - Maybe.
Don't give me "turbulence, '"O'Connell.
I know about thermals and wind shear.
That little experiment in terror was not due to natural causes.
You did it on purpose.
Grow up, Fleischman.
You tellin' me that three bounces before touchdown is standard procedure? It was a crosswind.
Hi.
Welcome toJuneau.
Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
I could have landed that plane better.
You can't drive a stick shift, Fleischman.
Mm.
What? What? I don't know if anyone told you or not, but we had a little water problem in your room last night.
No.
No one told me.
A broken main.
Everything's fine now, but we have had to do some shuffling around.
Hmm.
Wait.
I made these reservations weeks ago.
I happen to have a very important presentation tomorrow.
- I'm sure we can straighten things out.
- I'm sure we can too.
I have a room here.
One moment, please.
This is great.
First, I'm forced to fly here with a homicidal man-hater.
Now they screw up my reservation.
Fleischman, try showing a little grace under pressure, huh? You're in luck.
The manager has agreed to put you and Mrs.
Fleischman into our suite.
Whoa.
I am not Mrs.
Fleischman.
Well, we don't pry into the affairs of our guests.
What she means is we're not together.
I mean, not in the together sense of together.
We might have come here together, but we're not an item.
I mean, we're barely friends.
Thank you, Fleischman.
Listen, I have my own reservation.
O'Connell.
Maggie O'Connell.
I booked it yesterday through White River Travel.
Now, that's gonna be a problem.
- What? - Your room is underwater right now.
So-So give me another room.
Well, the suite is all we had.
Well, tough break, O'Connell.
They'll just have to book you into another hotel.
I'm afraid they're filled with our overflow.
Wait a minute.
You're telling me there's not a single bed in all ofJuneau? - Not at the moment.
- So, what-What am I supposed to do, sleep in my plane? Well, Dr.
Fleischman's suite comes with two bedrooms.
Perhaps the two of you could- We'll take it.
No way.
Forget it.
Why? Why? Because I didn't fly all the way toJuneau to be stuck in a hotel room with you, O'Connell.
That's why.
Fleischman, you won't even know I'm there.
Are you delirious? This is my weekend.
Mine, okay? This is my chance to get away from Cicely and meet some other people- some girls- to have sex with strangers.
Fleischman, I'm tired, and it's late.
No, no, no, no, no.
Are you seriously gonna refuse me a place to sleep? Are you that shallow? Are you that incredibly small of a human being? Here you go.
Thank you.
- Oh, excuse me.
Could you show me and Dr.
Schweitzer to my room, please? - Sure.
- Enjoy your stay.
- Don't push it.
Welcome back to K-Bear radio.
You're listening to Chris in the Morning.
Chris in the Late Afternoon actually.
And this isn't Chris Stevens.
It's Bernard Stevens, sitting in for my brother, Chris.
Chill, Cicely.
For the names may change, the tune remains the same.
And by the way, my brother Chris would like to thank all of you who've called in to express your support.
We're all hoping for a speedy recovery from whatever it is that's been afflicting him of late.
In the meantime, a big hello to all of you out there from all of me in here.
As you may know, I spent the last three months in Africa, a wondrous, magical place.
But as shadows lengthen across the K-Bear window, thoughts turn to homecoming, journey's end.
Because, in a sense, it's the coming back- the return- which gives meaning to the going forth.
We-We really don't know where we've been until we've come back to where we were.
Only where we were may not be as it was because of who we've become.
Which, after all, is why we left.
Do you have anything to add, Chris? Couldn't myself have better it said.
Oh.
Sorry.
Hey, I'm leavin' in a minute.
You got a key, right? What? I said you got a key, right? I can't hear you.
What? Key.
You have a key.
Right.
I'll probably be back pretty late.
I'm sure you'll be asleep by the time I get back.
Of course, there's the distinct possibility I may not be back at all.
In which case, don't freak out.
All right? Yeah, yeah.
I shall be back in the morning to collect my notes.
Okay? What? Okay? What? O'Con- Fleischman, Huh? You ever hear of knocking? Sorry.
I dropped my earring.
Well, anyway, while you're here, would you mind zippin' me up? Yeah.
Turn around.
Thanks.
That's a nice dress.
Is that a dig? No.
Why should that be a dig? Well, you know, coming from you.
Hey, it happens to be a very nice dress.
Well, thank you.
Here, wait a minute.
I'll fix your tie.
It's a little crooked.
There we go.
Thanks.
Mm-hmm.
So, you're goin' to Les Miz, huh? Yeah.
And then what? I don't know.
I'll go grab somethin' to eat, come back here, watch some TV.
Why? Nothing.
I just wanted to make sure that we didn't, you know- What? Just meet unexpectedly.
Just that we didn't bump into each other.
Excuse me? You know, meet in the lobby or something.
Don't worry, Fleischman.
I have no intention of cramping your alleged style.
Hey, all I meant was l- Bag all the bimbos you want, Fleischman.
It's not a sight I care to see.
Look, I would hardly call an aggregate of highly trained professional women bimbos.
Sluts then? They're doctors, O'Connell.
Oh.
Skilled specialists.
Doctors, you know? Right.
Hey, look, it's not like we came here together or anything.
- I didn't ask you to come toJuneau.
- I know, Fleischman.
I know.
You're right.
And let me tell you something.
If you had, I wouldn't have.
3 and 2 to Kevin Brown with a runner on first.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi there.
That's me right there actually.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hi.
John Harcourt.
Hi.
Dr.
, uh? Fleischman.
Joel Fleischman.
Pediatrics.
Oak Mill, Seattle.
How about you? Um, general practice.
Cicely, Alaska.
Alaska? Really? Where's Cicely exactly? Um, it's, uh- It's kind of northeast actually.
You know, my wife and I have been talking about taking a vacation up here for years.
Maybe you could suggest an itinerary.
Oh, hi.
We have a few weeks in June.
Excuse me.
Uh, John, I'm - I'm trying to get laid here.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
Don't you find this mating dance a bore? A what? The small talk, the feigned interest in careers.
When all anybody wants to do is get into somebody else's pants.
Excuse me? Coupling and uncoupling.
That's the real agenda of any conference.
Linda Angelo.
Uh, Joel Fleischman.
I know.
I've been watching you.
You've been watching me? You're young, you stay in shape, and I'll bet you haven't come across an available New York physician in a long time.
Boy.
You're from New York, huh? Eighty-second and Lex.
And I am available, Joel.
So, what do you say? About what? Well, life is short.
We could skip dinner and just dive in right now.
Oh, just-just dive in? Right.
So, what do you really like, Joel? What do you like? You like it rough? Well- Rough is good, Joel.
Rough is fine.
Nothing fazes me.
Ooh.
Ah, um- Do you know, it's- It's time for my insulin.
Insulin? I'm gonna - We'll talk later.
Hey.
Serengeti.
Tsavo West actually- the place where man may have been born.
I thought that was Eden.
This very well may be Eden, Shelly.
Oh.
It's really pretty.
Masai tribesmen.
Samburu actually.
Oh.
But, like the Masai and the Fulani, they also herd cattle.
All right, wait, wait, wait.
Don't tell me, please, Bernard.
The Congo, right? Oh, for Pete's sake, Stevens.
Let the man speak.
Sorry, Bernard.
Masai Mara in Serengeti.
Now, this is the village I stopped in on my way to Lake Victoria.
The chief there told me Sir Richard Burton stopped there over a hundred years ago while seeking a source of the Nile.
How's the hypoglycemia? What? Oh.
Hi.
Is that a nervous smile I see? Uh, no.
Not at all.
I came on too strong, didn't I? It's a turnoff for you, isn't it, Joel? Uh, well - You feel threatened.
I understand.
You like submissive.
I can do submissive, Joel.
Are you honestly a physician? Back to careers? Oh, I thought we'd gotten past that.
Look, um- Linda.
Linda.
l-I'm just- I'm not available right now, okay? Oh, I get it.
What's that? I've seen it before, Joel.
You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk.
I know.
Your mother gave you baths until high school.
Or maybe it was some traumatic experience during potty training.
Look, baby, it's not that I don't find dysfunction a challenge.
I do.
But it's work, Joel.
It's work.
I didn't come here to work.
He's a perfect little cuckoo guy, isn't he? But we're not gonna do it for $99.
Whoa.
Hey.
Whoa.
Ooh.
Whoops.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
O'Connell.
For cryin' out loud, O'Connell.
Hey, Fleischman, you're a boxer man.
- What time is it? - I always had you pictured as the jockey type.
It's 3:30 in the morning, O'Connell.
I know, Fleischman.
But the night's young for those who have romance in their hearts.
Hi.
Oh! Shame on me.
This is, um - Paul.
Dr.
Paul.
Brennan.
Dr.
Paul Brennan.
Yeah.
Right.
- Dr.
Paul.
- Uh, looking forward to your talk tomorrow.
Well, I guess Fleischman wants to be alone.
- Come on, Dr.
Paul.
- Good night.
He-He picked me up in the bar, Fleischman.
He just couldn't keep his hands off me.
Good night.
What's wrong with his room? and the cubic zirconia diamond.
And they are so expensive when you're talking about- When you get to that size of a ring.
Look how beautiful it is.
To know you'll be giving a $300- Morning, Fleischman.
Good morning, O'Connell.
Have a seat.
Ah, thanks.
I'm starving.
I didn't sleep a wink last night.
I'll bet.
Coffee? Oh, coffee would be great.
Thank you.
Uh, let's see.
The number four.
With, um, scrambled eggs and sausage, raspberry syrup for the pancakes, sourdough toast and a large orange juice.
All right.
Thanks.
Geez.
What happened, he didn't let you up for nourishment? Who? Who? Oh.
Dr.
Paul.
Curious, are we? About what? Come on, Fleischman.
You wanna know if I slept with him.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
O'Connell, the only interest I may have in what you do between the sheets is strictly clinical.
Clinical? Yes.
Naturally, as your physician, I'm concerned that you take proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.
Which I assume you did.
Nice try, Fleischman.
But you're not gonna use a public service announcement to find out if I scored last night.
Hard as this may be to believe, O'Connell, I don't spend my nights wondering whether you've improved your personal batting average or not.
What you do behind closed doors is your own business.
Fine.
So, did you? Fleischman, I never fool around on the first date.
Unless I want to.
Well, did you? Maybe.
Maybe not.
Oh, okay, Fleischman.
For your prurient information- not that it is any of your business- no I didn't.
You didn't? No.
I changed clothes, and then we went dancing.
Oh.
What about you? Any luck? Yeah.
Actually, I met someone very interesting, but, um- Mm-hmm? You know, first night, and I wanted to get my notes in order.
Besides, they had a new print of The Bicycle Thief on cable in the room.
The Bicycle Thief? Yeah.
Vittorio De Sica, 1948.
It's only the most important film in postwar neorealism, O'Connell.
Oh.
I don't know how I missed it.
Next.
Number four.
That's me.
- Hi, Ed.
I'm back.
- Oh! I've got this killer headache, Marilyn.
Sit.
And I keep seeing these tiny yellow and purple dots when I close my eyes.
How long? Since I woke up.
Allergies? I don't think so.
I mean, I tried this really strange blush on once and broke out in hives, but that was a long time ago.
Hangover.
No.
Bump your head? No.
What's that? Lady Stetson.
Wayne sent it to me for our six-month anniversary- of our divorce, I mean.
I think Cindy put him up to it.
Bug spray.
We've been having this ant problem lately.
The creeps have been getting into the dry goods - raisins, Froot Loops, that kind of thing.
So, yesterday I nuked 'em to kingdom come.
What? You think my brain's on tilt from ant bomb? What do I do? Don't leave food around.
Next.
The robes are from Mombasa.
High quality, low price.
Okay.
Fertility dolls.
I look at 'em as a novelty item.
And they're from Kenya.
They're very nice, Bernard, but I can't see trying to move these in Cicely.
Don't underestimate the growing presence of the third world, Ruth-Anne.
I don't.
My Guatemalan handbags are a staple.
But I know my market.
How about the chess set? Hand-carved.
Bernard, I know you've been out of the country, but there's a recession on.
Genuine ebony.
Made by the chief himself.
Well, $45.
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
That's unusual.
I've never seen anything quite like that.
What is it? A moth.
Half a moth, actually, encased in amber.
And it's over a hundred years old.
How much do you want for it? It's not for sale.
Well, I was on my way to buy some goatskin bags in Dar es Salaam, and this old peddler put it in my hand and said it was meant for me.
Well, there's a line if I ever heard it.
Worked too.
I bought the necklace, forgot about the bags.
You know, the next day, I woke up with this urge to get rid of my Western clothes.
Really? I don't know if they're related.
But this is definitely not for sale.
What happened to the other half of the moth? I don't know.
Hmm.
Now, severe bilateral middle ear infections were virtually pandemic among this target population 40 years ago.
Now, today, though the numbers have been greatly reduced, um, the problems still persist.
All right.
Lights, please.
Just last month, I got a call from Whitewater to examine this three-year-old suffering from an acute case of otitis media.
But for every case of hot ear I see, there are dozens of cases of Effusia that go undetected.
Uh, next.
No, uh- Um- Next, please.
Here we go.
Okay, here we go.
This, of course, is the familiar Escherichia coli, the causative agent in many cases of suppurative otitis media.
Next.
What? Um- Um, I'm sorry.
Obviously, my assistant must have mixed in some, um, personal- Maggie O'Connell is a bush pilot.
Next, please.
What? Oh.
Really, I'm sorry.
I don't know how these, um- Next.
Wait.
Wait, wait.
Stop.
That was it.
Okay.
Okay, wait.
Stop.
Hey, do they give you these uniforms, or do you have to buy 'em? Uh, they give them to us.
I always wondered.
It's nice, the piping and all.
Thank you, sir.
Ever been to New York? No.
Nope.
Never been there.
That's where I'm from.
Queens actually.
People think of New York, they always think of Manhattan.
But there's five boroughs.
Did you know that? No, I didn't.
Yeah.
Five.
Five little towns all in themselves.
There's Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn- That's the home of doo-wop.
Dion and the Belmonts - "I Wonder Why.
" Bell up front, please.
- That's me.
Take it easy.
- Catch you later.
Not available, huh? Huh? I just had this family practice guy up in my room.
He says he's not married.
Right.
I unhook my bra, he starts to cry.
Just a nut.
So, look, Joel, we can run up to my room right now, do the deed and both get a good night's sleep.
I could iron those wrinkles out of your forehead.
Please.
Okay.
Okay, I can play along.
You need control.
Fine.
You've turned me down.
I'm walking away.
See? I'll be in 402 when you change your mind.
Hey, O'Connell.
What are you doin' here? Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry? For interrupting.
Interrupting what? Isn't there somebody in there? Why would somebody be in the bathroom? I don't know.
You're opening the champagne.
No, O'Connell, nobody's in there.
Nobody under the bed, nobody in the closet.
I think it's safe to say there's not an eligible woman within 20 floors of this room.
Hmm.
You want some? Sure.
Why not? I'd like a little bubbly.
Thanks, Fleischman.
Something to eat? I got peanuts or peanuts.
So, how'd your speech go? Please, I really- I don't wanna talk about it.
Well, to tell you the truth, Fleischman, I just kind of had a feeling like I wanted to be somewhere else, you know? Somewhere else? Yeah.
You mean, like- Well, like here.
Here? Here in this hotel? Well, here in this room actually.
Hmm.
Well, to be quite honest, Fleischman, l - I had a feeling you might be here.
And-Well, don't ask me why, but I thought maybe you'd wanna have dinner or something.
You know, just a bite.
You and me get something to eat? Forget it.
I don't know why I asked.
No.
No, no.
I'm just- Hey.
I'm just surprised.
That's all.
Look, Fleischman, I haven't had any sleep in two whole days, and I'm obviously just not thinking straight, so- Hey, just stop.
What? Well, you wanna have dinner or something? Do you? Well, I could, yeah.
Do you? Okay.
Okay.
So? So? Where do you wanna go? I don't know.
You feel like, uh, Mexican? In Juneau? Chinese? O'Connell.
Is this the effects of 36 hours of sleep deprivation? Do you care? Uh, do you? Mmm.
Wait.
Stop.
We'd better figure this out.
Why? Because.
Are you serious about this? Fleischman, we're both over 21, single, free, H.
I.
V.
-negative.
Aren't we? Yeah.
But- Then shut up, Fleischman.
For once in your life, just shut up.
Hold that thought.
All right.
Yes.
We'll meet back where? In the middle.
All right.
Okay.
Middle of whose room? Your room? My room? In the bed.
In the middle of the bed.
Fine.
Fine.
Whose bed? Just find me, Fleischman.
O'Connell? No.
O'Connell? O'Connell.
Hey.
O'Connell, it's me.
It's Fleischman.
Mm.
O'Connell? Mm.
Whoa! Hi.
Hey! Hoo.
So, you were getting feet? Legs, torso, veld.
Neck and head for me.
Giraffes? On the run.
Serengeti? Had to be.
Oh, man, this is too strange.
Very.
Huh.
Very, very.
Wow.
Half dream.
Half soul? Half-baked.
What? Well, certain cultures believe that, when you dream, your soul becomes a moth that travels the world.
It's why some tribes don't allow cats where they sleep- 'cause they're afraid their souls are gonna be captured before they return.
Karmic freeze-out, huh? That's the theory.
Bernard, that's only half a moth.
You did only remember half the songs you played, only spoke in half sentences.
Generally, I've been half there only.
Absolutely.
What are you sayin'? Ours is a bond that goes beyond the genetic coil, Chris.
We the same moth share.
So to speak.
By my goin' to Africa- Buying the talisman- Somehow, half your moth got lost out there.
Limped back on one wing.
Possibly.
Whoa! Whoa! I'm not buying that for one second.
Are you, Bernard? Well, it is a stretch.
Give it to me.
Good morning.
Fresh coffee over there.
Morning, Fleischman.
Thanks.
So.
So.
Yeah.
Last night.
Yeah, what about last night? Yeah, well, uh- Well, you know, it was, uh, interesting.
Unbelievable is more like it.
Unbelievable? Well, yeah.
Incredible.
Right.
What, you've done that before? No.
No, no, no.
Of course not.
I mean, you know, um- Well, not like that.
I mean, it was- It was different and-and special.
Special? Well, wh-what I mean is, it was- It was great.
I mean, it was fabulous.
You were great.
I mean, I never felt so great.
I was great? Yeah.
I mean, you were, uh- It was everything I ever dreamed of and more.
Much, much more.
How-How was I? Uh, well.
You.
Uh- Honestly? Um, not bad.
That's it? Not bad? Not bad, being the first time and all.
I disappointed you, didn't I? Well- Tell me.
I can handle it.
Well, I mean, I don't want you to take this personally, O'Connell, but, uh- No.
Please.
I kind of hoped you'd- you'd have moved more.
You know? Moved more? Really? Me? I didn't move? - Well, I was tired.
- Yeah.
Still, I mean, it was interesting.
- Interesting? - Yeah.
Well, the thing with the- The what? What thing? You don't remember? You're telling me you don't remember? No.
l- I remember.
Well, I hope so.
I remember.
I just, uh- What? I just-Well- Well, I think I'm gonna go pack.
- Right.
- Right.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm back.
That's right.
Chris in the Morning is once again Chris in the Morning.
Mind and body are one, all systems go, mens sana in corpore sano.
To which I can only add, mirabile dictu.
I'll second that.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's my brother, Bernard- my karmic doppelganger, my buddy, my twin- who pulled me out of my time in trouble.
Bernard, lean on in here and say a few words to the good people of Cicely, huh? Great to see you all again.
Glad you enjoyed the slide show.
Oh, by the way, don't forget the Pan-African boutique at Ruth-Anne's.
All right.
Here's a little juju from Nigeria to get you in the mood.
Well, here we are, Fleischman.
We're back.
Oh, we're back home, back to Cicely.
Good old Cicely- with The Brick and Chris's station and Ruth-Anne's store.
You can stop your chattering, O'Connell.
I got something to tell you.
What? Now, last night- No, no, no, Fleischman.
Let me go first.
Me first.
No, no, no, no.
No, look, Fleischman.
O'Connell.
What happened happened.
I mean, no regrets.
We were away from home, and we forgot who we were.
And that's fine.
You know, that's fine.
And I'm glad it happened in a way, sort of.
You're making a big mistake.
No, no.
The thing is, now that we're back here, Fleischman, now that we're back amongst people that count, it- it- Well, it's embarrassing.
You know? Embarrassing.
Embarrassing? Well, yeah.
I mean, Fleischman, that-that-that you, we, you know, I would sleep with you- I mean, it's just- I mean, I just couldn't face anybody if that got out.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I mean, l- I confess.
There have been times when I've- l-I've actually had certain thoughts about you.
But I would never, never want anybody to know that I had actually gone to bed with you.
Because, I mean, if someone knew, I'djust, like- I couldn't face them.
I couldn't look 'em in the eye ever again.
Ever.
Do you understand? So what I'm saying is that, if you could, uh, well, you know, kind of, if we could keep it to ourselves? I would really, really appreciate it if you just wouldn't tell anybody.
Okay, Fleischman? Please? Yeah.
We'll forget it ever happened.
Yeah.
You know, like, uh- - Like we fell asleep.
- Exactly.
Well, not exactly.
Say no more, O'Connell.
I get the message.
Okay, so we have a deal? My lips are sealed.
Thanks.
Great.
Okay.
See ya, Fleischman.
See ya.
Hey, Marilyn.
Don't you even wanna know how it went? Were there any problems when I was away? No.
Hey, Marilyn, let me ask you something.
Just hypothetically, if you happened to sleep with me, afterwards, would you think that it was great? Or would you basically pretend I didn't exist? I'll be in my office.
"In dreams begin responsibility.
'" So wrote the poet.
So it is perhaps.
Could it be that we take our dreams too lightly? Those images from places unknown.
Could they, in fact, be angels in flight, our souls aloft? You know, recent experiences have made yours truly take another pass through the metaphysical thickets, and as unlikely as it may sound in this rational age, I emerged on the side of those that cannot help but put their faith in that which cannot be easily explained.
Be open to your dreams, people.
Embrace that distant shore.
'Cause our mortal journey is over all too soon.
"The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, "the solemn temples, the great globe itself, "yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve "and, like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind.
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep"