The Great North (2021) s03e21 Episode Script

1
♪
[rumbling]
Hmm.
Oh, no.
The time has come.
It's happening.
[sniffs] Ugh, the smell!
Lone Moose is dead meat.
[singsongy] Alanis!
Wakey-wakey,
it's almost prom day-kee!
[yawns] Hey, Jude.
So glad you woke me up
to tell me.
And, great news,
the song "Sixteen Moments"
is gonna be
the official prom theme!
Not "You Oughta Know"?
Whatever, Judy.
Alanis, you've heard
"Sixteen Moments," right?
It's the song about
the most important moments
in a lifetime,
and it's by that band
Sixteen Swedish Sisters.
Wait, are there really
16 sisters?
Uh, yes, it's five sets of
triplets and then Oonga.
- [gasps]
- ALL: Good morgon, Alanis!
Oh! Okay. I guess I'll just
move over a little here.
You know, this is kind of
my sky area, right? So
Give Alanis a little taste
of your big hit, gals.
There are 16 moments
you never forget ♪
The first one's
when you're born ♪
The last one's when you die ♪
But the 14 in between ♪
Don't let them pass you by. ♪
Okay. Okay, that's enough.
Can some of you, like, go?
Contrary to popular belief,
the sky does have a limit.
- Fine.
- She is rude.
So rude!
They didn't even get
to moment five. Ugh!
But I'll spoil it for you.
Okay, it's going to prom!
In Swedish
it's called Studentbal.
Your Studentbal dance,
a corsage made of wheat ♪
Your head
on your date's chest ♪
Listen to his heartbeat. ♪
A wheat corsage?
- That sounds terrible.
- [blows raspberry]
Kima and I do not
have dates yet,
but we will find them,
and I'm wearing heels
so that I can lay my head
on my date's chest
like in the song,
so all I care about is
finding someone very, very tall.
What about his personality?
I'm not, uh, dancing
with his personality,
Alanis, grow up.
Grow up. ♪
Okay, nope, out of here.
I don't like you guys.
You look like you're doing
a Midsommar, and I hate it.
- [gasps] Bye.
- Rude, again.
The citizens of Lone Moose
are calling it
the smell from hell.
Its source? So far a mystery.
This, along with an epidemic
of small earthquakes
has turned Lone Moose
into Danger Zone Moose.
Ask not
for whom the smell tolls.
It tolls for you.
And now a story about a dog
that only eats calzones.
[sniffs] Used to be you could
only smell it outside,
but I'm definitely
smelling it inside now.
I think it smells a little
like butt and a lot like ass.
Nope. I've been training
my nose in preparation
for my Lil' Preppers
Tracker test,
so listen when I tell you,
it's gravy.
Well, not gravy exactly
but gravy-ish.
I'm sure
they'll figure it out soon,
and our beloved Lone Moose
will go back
to something we're all
passionate about: status quo.
JUDY:
Studentbal dance ♪
Oh, no. She's singing
"Sixteen Moments."
Dad, please stick
two hard boiled eggs in my ears.
- [stops singing]
- Judy, please!
After I hear "Sixteen Moments,"
it replays in my mind for days.
Even in sleep
I do not find peace.
Well, I think
it's kind of catchy,
though it's got nothing
on the perfect stillness
of a fall morning.
[rumbling]
- [all gasp]
- Okay, these earthquakes are
officially freaking me out.
They've been nonstop for weeks.
Same with that awful smell.
If this keeps up,
we're gonna have to move.
Ooh, maybe an artist's colony
in Tulum?
Lone Moose doesn't kick us out
when we stink.
Surely we can return the favor.
JUDY:
Hello, Lone Moose Lovers.
It's us, your prom committee.
No, thank you.
Before we begin
our announcements,
I will sing a bit of
our prom theme song,
"Sixteen Moments."
No, Judy!
Okay, big announcement.
It's been so unusually warm
this spring
that Principal Gibbons
has decided
we can have the prom outdoors
under the very romantic stars
for the first time ever.
Also, we have secured
DJ Airhorn for the night.
And finally, we will be voting
for prom king and queen
at the dance to avoid
what happened last year,
when Stacy B. "accidentally"
poured her iced coffee
into the ballot box.
And if it looks like I'm losing,
I'll do it again.
[chuckles] Terrific.
And now
[music plays]
Do not play that song!
[groans in frustration]
[rumbling]
[gasping]
Just a little earthquake,
everyone.
Nothing to worry about.
More dangerous stuff happens
every day in Alaska.
Just this morning
I accidentally consumed
some soy-based
breakfast sausages.
And if it could talk,
the teachers' lounge toilet
would have
a harrowing story to tell.
- Hmm.
- Hmm, what?
Got something noodling
in that favorite noggin of mine?
Don't you think prom king and
queen is a little old-fashioned?
Does it have to be
a girl and a guy?
And I'm not just saying that
because I think
you and I should win.
Yeah, maybe it should be like
prom president
and prom vice president.
Positions of absolute power
- with absolutely no responsibility.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
We should present this very
good idea to Principal Gibbons.
I know, I'll play
baby Principal Gibbons,
entering this world,
destined to make this decision!
This plan is foolproof.
PEPPERS: Thank you all
for meeting with me
- this afternoon
- [gasping, groaning]
Hold for earthquake
[rumbling]
and for agreeing to be
a part of my task force.
Of course. We've got to find
the source of this smell
that's fouling up Lone Moose.
I was thinking we'd
call ourselves the Stink Tank.
Mayor Peppers, if I may,
I have a working theory.
Moon, as a ten-year-old,
you by law cannot be here,
so I am forced to ignore
everything you say.
But what if I told you
the smell was gravy-based?
I'd say: who said that?
Now, I'm wondering
if the smell could be
from one of Junkyard Kyle's
controlled burns.
Oh, yeah, remember
how she burned all those cartons
of Bagel Bites
when she went gluten-free?
I was pissed.
I would've taken those.
- Nope. I haven't burned anything.
- [Moon sniffs]
Yep, the only thing
I'm getting here is cinnamon.
Wow, what a sniffer!
I did do the cinnamon challenge
this morning.
I try every day.
You know,
whatever that smell is,
it's attracting animals.
Saw a weird bear near my trash
yesterday.
Looked sort of
like a polar bear,
but it was the color of
one of those coffees
that fancy Anchorage people
drink when they put milk in it.
- Yuck.
- Uh-oh. Sounds like a pizzly.
Dr. French is right,
and pizzlies are
extremely dangerous.
Wait, isn't "Pizzly"
the yellow Teletubby?
She's so rude.
I am not a fan.
It's a hybrid animal.
See, as the world warms,
polar bears can't find food,
so they venture south
where they meet and mate
with grizzly bears,
creating a pizzly.
Aw! It's like a Lifemark movie,
where the big city gal
crashes her car in the woods
and then falls in love
with the local syrup maker.
These pizzlies are monsters
and usually desperate
to find food.
All right then,
let's head out and keep looking.
Rome wasn't sniffed in a day.
KIMA:
I brought the goods
in case we spot a DERG.
What the hell's a DERG?
D-E-R-G, Dateable Educated
Reliable Guy. DERG.
Hmm. I don't think
that's gonna catch on.
Agree to DERG-agree.
So, if we want to make
an impulse promposal,
we hold the door up,
ask him to go to prom,
and then shoot the confetti gun.
Simple. Tasteful. Elegant.
So for yours Judely,
we need a tall Paul.
And I want a guy with
a big honkin' Adam's apple.
Walk me through
the Adam's apple thing again.
I don't know,
they just do it for me.
I want to draw
a little face on it
and talk to it
while he's sleeping.
[high-pitched]
"Hi. I love you."
- I love you, too.
- Deranged, but I support you.
Thanks. Ooh, what about him
for you? He's tall.
JUDY:
Kima, he's like 60.
Yep, yep,
and the search continues.
Lookin' for a man,
lookin' for a smell ♪
Lookin' for a dude
and for a stink as well ♪
For a boy
who's got some class ♪
Or a smell that smells
like ass ♪
Lookin' for a smell,
this town can go to hell! ♪
♪
[school bell ringing]
JUDY: That's it.
I'm desperate enough
at this point.
I'm just gonna go with Gill.
I'll put him on stilts.
He's done it before.
Gill, you're my date to prom.
Congratulations.
Oh, sorry, Judy.
I already have a date.
You wh-wha What?
Is it your hamster?
I did buy him a little tux
so he can go in my pocket,
but no,
it's Genevieve Jacobson.
What? What? What?!
This is a disaster!
And so I must return
this dress to the earth.
What the hell is happening here?
We're holding a funeral
for our perfect prom.
Oh, hell no!
I paid $200 for that dress.
The only way it's getting buried
is if you're in it!
You're going to
the freaking prom.
Yes, we are going.
We have to.
We're the prom committee.
But we're wearing jeans
and standing in the corner
- and glaring at people.
- People with dates.
I know people think it's stupid
to try to have
the perfect prom, but
But that's sexist!
'Cause if a boy had the dream of
throwing a perfect football pass
or whatever, everyone would be
all for it, even if he sucked.
[crying] So if I want
the perfect high school moment
- where I get to dance
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Well
- Breathe, Judy. Kima, breathe.
Girls, calm down.
I don't think
your prom dream is dumb,
- and I think I can find you dates.
- You-you can?
Yes, my home village is crawling
with boys your age.
There was a huge ice storm
17 years ago.
People got bored,
and nine months later
there was a baby blizzard.
What kind of teen boy
do you want?
Nice? Mean? Chubby?
I'll call your auntie
and put in an order.
C-Can mine have
a big Adam's apple?
He can have an Adam's grapefruit
for all I care.
Take a look.
That one's yours, Kima.
Don't worry, I triple-checked
and you're not related to him.
Judy, yours is running late,
but he'll be here.
Okay, good luck, girls.
Move over, New York,
that's a big apple.
Hi there. I'm Eli.
Oh, sorry.
I'll move my case.
I bring my tuba everywhere.
- Wow, so cool.
- Ow.
Sup, Eli? Oh, hey, girls.
[whispers]
Leaning tower of wow-za.
Hello there!
[laughing]
Oh, hey! It's the Stink Tank!
I saw you on the news.
You know, I've been
tearing perfume samples
out of magazines
and taping 'em to my face
to hide the stench.
Yeah, we thought there might be
a fish die-off here,
but I'm just not seeing it.
Well, I hope you guys find
the smell soon
'cause it sucks!
[rock music plays on radio]
[gasps] What in the?
Okay, team. Uh, huddle up
here for a second.
Don't look now,
but at seven o'clock
well, my seven and your 14?
I-It's Looney Louie again.
- He's been following us.
- Relax, Wolf.
He's just a harmless oddball
who speaks in riddles.
Every town's got one.
We should probably
just ignore him.
Like my wife ignores me
when Seth Meyers is on.
She's obsessed.
I try and I try,
but I can't deliver
topical jokes like him.
What kind of name is Seth?
Seth? I'm just jealous.
- I get that.
- [others scream]
Handsome guy, too.
Why are you following us?
The, uh, the smell.
You're looking for
the source, correct?
Do you know something about it?
Well, uh, I really can't say,
- but you need to look down.
- Down in the lake?
It's not the lake,
but it does involve fish.
Okay, but how?
When is a fish not a fish?
Oh, I know this. Squidward.
Look, if you know something,
you should tell us.
Figuring it out should be
child's play.
Okay, Louie, uh, thanks a lot.
Oh, he's gone.
Where'd he go?
Dad, put that guy
on my birthday invite list.
We can bump Russell
if we need the space.
ELI:
So that's when I knew,
I had to call my improv troupe.
And what happened neck
I mean, I mean next. Next!
- Neck.
- Oh, salt's empty.
- I got you.
- Wow. Even your arms are tall.
You guys want to hear
something cool?
I'm learning "Sixteen Moments"
for jazz band.
Laird, hand me my tuba.
Wait, really? That song is
the theme for our prom.
Kima, it's a sign.
Hell yeah. It's DERG time.
Guys? We would a-door
- Ow! Kima!
- Oops.
[clears throat]
We would ad Ah! [groans]
- Kima!
- Sorry. I'm just a little nervous.
I don't usually use this many
props when I'm asking a guy out.
Will you two be
our dates to prom?
- Sure. Uh, which with which?
- Totally.
You with me
'cause I'm wearing heels.
And, Eli, you with me.
Any issues with having your neck
written on with a marker?
Specifically
the Adam's apple area?
You're not the first girl
who's asked me that,
and to answer your question:
I love it.
And now to get some sleep
on this gorgeous prom eve.
I'm begging you,
restless legs,
just save it
for the dance floor.
- EDDA: Hallo.
- [yawns] Oh, Edda?
Hebba? Maja?
My favorite Swedish triplets?
And you're our favorite singlet.
Good morgon, Judy,
it's your prom day ♪
It's your
nothing-can-go-wrong day ♪
Everything will be perfect ♪
Everything will be nice ♪
I looked out the window ♪
And there's no cow
upon the ice ♪
Eh, what now?
No cow on the ice?
Ingen ko på isen,
no cow on the ice.
It means no worries.
Oh, I'm in overalls.
Whoa. What's
in this front pocket?
It's birdseed ♪
Oof, the smell.
Is it getting worse?
- Who cares about the smell? ♪
- Not me ♪
- Tonight's your moment five ♪
- Of 16 ♪
Studentbal!
Morning, Judes. Nose-pin?
No smell can get
in her way today ♪
Not rotten eggs
or spilled milk on hay ♪
Nothing can get in my way?
But what about the earthquakes
and that awful smell in town?
Our horse, Hungenböttem,
loves that smell.
He's a little freak.
Judy,
that smell is getting worse.
We have to move the prom inside.
Sure, it feels like
vultures are circling, ja ♪
But tonight you'll
klädd upp till tänderna ♪
That means getting dressed up
to the teeth.
It's your prom night, Judy,
maybe don't go ♪
There's something smelly
lurking below, ooh! ♪
Oh, wait, don't go? What
do you mean? Aah! What's coming?
Oh! That was such
a crazy dream.
But it was just a dream,
and there's no way that
we'll have to move prom inside.
We have to move the prom inside.
The smell is just
too disgusting.
We want people getting down,
not throwing up.
We have to prep the gym
for the prom by tonight?
Calm down, Kima.
There's no cow on the ice.
- What?
- It means everything's gonna be fine.
Fine, fine, fine!
Let's just not worry
about anything!
Knock-knock, Principal Gibbons.
I hope you have popcorn
in your desk drawer
because you are
about to be entertained.
Oh, hello.
What's, uh, what's this?
We've prepared a presentation
asking to change
prom king and queen
to a gender-neutral alternative:
prom president
and vice president.
Not so we can win or anything,
no. I mean, come on.
But if that's what the people
want, we will accept it.
And now, the presentation.
I'm Mrs. Gibbons
and I'm pregnant.
Hello, world.
I'm Baby Principal Gibbons,
and I believe I was born
to make a difference.
Incredible. Approved!
I'm embarrassed we didn't do
something like this sooner.
- Oh, wow, thanks!
- And honestly,
I'd love to see
the whole show again
if you've got a few minutes.
Of course.
Back to one, everybody.
WOLF: Heidi my Klum,
that's a lot of seal.
Yep. We got ourselves
a fish die-off.
Lot of fish, lot of seals,
lot of smell.
Welp, that's it.
Mystery solved.
Not so fast, Mayor.
There's a strong smell here,
but it's not the same
as in town.
It's fishy, not gravy-y.
I'm not saying
you're wrong, Moon,
but maybe it's different in town
because it's blending
with other smells.
I'm not saying I'm wrong either
'cause I'm saying I'm right.
Our search isn't over.
Son, you did a great job,
but now it's time
to let this gas pass.
DIONDRA: The source of the smell
has been confirmed
as emanating from a fish die-off
near Seal Rock.
In other news: an attack on
We All Scream Ice Cream Shoppe,
where a strange-looking bear
mauled an employee.
Meldrick,
you're in our thoughts.
Aw, Poor Meldrick.
Selling soft serve ice cream
is his whole life.
Well, that and cooking meth.
[sighs]
The smell isn't fish, Dad.
You know I can assign farts
to any member of the family.
I do.
[farts]
That was Wolf.
How about this, buddy?
Tomorrow we go back out
to check out
some other possible options.
But tonight
we let our noses rest.
All right, I'll hit
the snooze button on my sniffer.
Okay, kids, picture time.
Let's get up on those stairs.
Uh, Laird, honey, I'm gonna
need you to fully sit down.
- Whoa, earthquake.
- [others gasp]
[chuckles] I have to be careful
during those.
If I collapse, a lot of
people could get crushed.
[laughs] That's funny.
Judy, your date is funny.
All right, let's go, guys.
What do you say, Moon?
Want to keep me company
while I drop these guys off
at the prom?
[sighs] Sure.
I do love seeing the school
at night.
It's like seeing Dracula
during the day.
Shotgun! Not for me,
for my tuba.
I brought it
in case I get struck by
some spontaneous inspiration.
Oh, my gosh, I'm the same way.
I keep a little ball of clay
in my bra.
It stays moist because I have
a ton of boob sweat.
Ah, two budding artists.
[chuckles]
You guys seem like perfect dates.
[scoffs] No, Dad,
we aren't dates.
I'm going with Laird
because he's tall,
and Kima is going with Eli
because he has
a big Adam's apple.
Of course. My mistake.
Have a great time.
Remember,
there's nothing wrong
with talking in a corner
with your friends.
The smell is way worse
here tonight.
[sniffs] Ah, you're right, son.
There's something we're missing.
I know this sounds looney,
but do you think
that Looney Louie guy
actually knows something?
That doesn't sound looney
at all.
I think his place is out
by Stearns Hill Road.
- Let's go talk to him.
- Hell yeah. Floor it, Dad.
Son, I will floor it
until we hit the speed limit.
And there my foot shall remain.
Here we go.
Vote for your prom president
and vice president here!
And put your phones in the
"Live in the Moment Lockbox."
Friendly reminder that
there will be
a special teacher skit tonight.
I don't want to
give anything away,
but it is about
the dangers of drunk driving,
and we will be
in banana costumes,
and it is called
"Alexander Banan-ilton."
Huh. The tone's a little tricky,
and there are
a lot of moving parts,
but if you can pull it off,
my God.
Little hay bales,
like in the song.
The fourth moment is spilling
your first cream pail ♪
While milking your "ko"
sitting on a hay bale. ♪
Wow. Our voices sound good
together.
I listen to that song every day
while I'm working
on wood carvings
in my grandfather's treehouse.
They first accidentally built
the treehouse on me,
and I had to be like,
"Hey, guys. I'm not a tree."
[laughs] Your date is amazing.
Your date is amazing.
I'm not saying
we'll become prom president
and vice prom president,
but just in case,
what should
our first legislation be?
- World peace?
- Or we get to have
all the tiny Swedish meatballs
from the food table
and no one else gets any.
We'll go mad with power.
I love it.
This is Looney Louie's house?
Doesn't look very looney.
Ah, I expected
you might show up.
Please remove your shoes
in the foyer
and choose some animal slippers.
JUDY:
Hello, everyone.
Or as the Sixteen Swedish
Sisters would say: välkommen!
It's time to announce our prom
president and vice president.
This year,
our prom president is Ham Tobin.
- [cheering]
- Vice president is
- Crispin Cienfuegos.
- STUDENT: I know those guys.
Okay! First order of business:
No one can have any meatballs
except me and Crispin.
Gill, bring us
the full tray of meatballs
from the snack table
so that nobody can get
their peasant hands on them.
Yes, sir, Mr. President.
BEEF:
So, we're here about the smell.
Our group thinks
they've solved it,
but Moon thinks they're wrong.
I watched the news.
They are wrong.
I knew it!
One question: Is it gravy?
[laughs] Well, young man.
It's not not gravy.
I wish I could tell you more,
but I was paid
a lot of money to keep quiet
about what I know.
Maybe you could guess.
Guess the information
you can't tell us?
Correct. You're off to
a great start.
I'll give you a little help.
Let's just say I worked
for a
- Giraffe.
- Company?
Yes, and we made
- Diapers?
- Hammers?
Hmm, starts with an "M,"
rhymes with "street."
Miniature feet.
Okay, you're actually
terrible at this. [groans]
Oh, what the hell?
I worked for a company
that mass-produced meat
in Lone Moose.
We weren't permitted
to put our meat wastes
in the dump because
it would attract animals,
so, for decades, we put them
in underground bunkers.
You dug holes in the ground
and just dumped meat in them?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We dug holes in the ground,
then poured concrete in them,
then dumped meat in them,
then sealed 'em up.
- Why would you do that?
- It was cheap.
So, that's what we're smelling?
Buried meat waste?
The meat was
supposed to stay frozen
because the ground was
supposed to stay frozen,
but over time
the ground has thawed out a bit
with how the whole darn Earth
is warming up,
and the meat is spoiling.
What you're smelling is
spoiled meat by-products.
Which is a cousin of gravy.
I was right!
Thank you, Louie!
Oh, it's actually Looney.
My first name is Looney.
Short for Loonjamin.
Anyway, all that methane gas
produced by the spoiling process
is now building up,
creating pressure,
which is what's been causing
those little earthquakes
everybody's been feeling.
But it's only a small glimpse
of what's to come,
because all of that gas
will eventually
- Explode.
- Exactly.
But where will the explosion be?
I mean, where was the bunker?
Oh, there's a few around town,
actually,
but the one
that's rotting right now
and is on the verge of
exploding is
well, remember my riddle?
When is a fish not a fish?
Oh, my God.
When it's in a school?
Hey! Ding, ding, ding!
You got one.
Dear Lord, the biggest bunker
is under the school
and will explode any minute now?
The kids! The prom!
Walt, when you get this message,
meet me at the school, tell
the rest of the Stink Tank.
- Moon, any luck?
- Judy and Ham aren't picking up.
Floor it, Dad!
For real this time!
[ringing, buzzing]
Everyone ready
to take the stage?
Or shall we play another round
of Zip Zap Zop?
And now, we will have
the traditional
president and
vice president's dance.
DJ Airhorn, if you would please
play the theme song.
- [air horn blows]
- DJ Airhorn! Yep, yep, yep!
There are 16 moments
you never forget ♪
Oh, here is my moment.
It's happening.
Head on his chest.
Hear his heartbeat.
- [rumbling] Oh, my God!
- [others gasping, screaming]
Okay, everyone,
this is your president speaking.
Please remain calm and
What the hell is that?!
[panicked screaming]
There are 16 moments ♪
But my fifth moment.
Moon, you stay in the car,
I'm gonna Oh, God!
- Oh, boy.
- MOON: Whoa!
- Oh!
- Ah!
[tires squeal]
[all scream]
Oh, no. We're too late.
The bunker exploded.
I'll go get the kids.
Uh, Dad, look.
Pizzlies. I think they want
to eat the exploding meat.
[growling]
BEEF: The kids are trapped
in the school.
The meat bunker exploded.
The mutant pizzlies are hungry.
Oh, no. This is bad.
This is bad, bad, bad.
WOLF:
Bell Biv DeVoe, so this is how we all go!
BEEF: We just need to get
across this meat muck
and past those extremely
dangerous pizzlies
and get our kids out.
I think I know
what we need to do.
- All right, we're going in.
- [screaming]
[screams]
[growls]
BEEF: The whole
school could blow up any minute.
- What?!
- Yeah.
Don't tell any
of the other kids.
We wouldn't want
to cause a panic.
[students gasp]
Oh, dear, am I on speakerphone?
N-No
You know what?
Screw whoever's fault this is.
We should just have
our prom anyway.
BEEF: Why on earth is
the ground still rumbling?
- Um, there's a second bunker.
- I'm sorry, what?