The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e21 Episode Script
Let Us Entertain You
Ok, guys, dinner.
[Yawns.]
Uh, mom? Uh-huh.
The macaroni's a little underdone.
So's the cheese.
Oh, guys.
I'm sorry.
Moseby's got me doing extra shows.
Last night, it was a busload of German tourists.
I oompahed till I couldn't oomp again.
Mom, you need a vacation.
And by you, I mean we.
Let's go to the pawtucket aquarium! I hear they just opened their "swim with the jellyfish" attraction.
They won't sting you if you cover yourself in whale urine.
I'd rather get stung.
Disney--abc cable networks group here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Knock on door.]
London: Come in! Ok, London, I need you to put your thinking cap on.
Oh, I don't have a thinking cap.
I have a thinking tiara.
Good.
Put that on, because we need to come up with a new topic for your next webisode [Gasps.]
Me! Ok.
Uh, but maybe we could come up with something other people might be interested in.
[Gasps.]
Me! Ok.
Something not in this room.
Me! Ok.
Apparently, the thinking tiara is not working.
London, your show reaches so many people.
I mean, haven't you ever thought about using it to help the less fortunate? You're talking about yourself, aren't you? No! Even less fortunate.
Is that possible? Yes, I see your frugal family fun pack only includes 3 bathroom tokens.
Now, is that per day? Per week.
Good news, mom oh, me, too! We're going to the world's largest ball of twine.
But while we're there, no liquids.
[Imitates carey.]
Never mind.
Mom, forget the twine.
We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean.
Great idea, honey.
Zack, you fill up the bathtub.
Cody, you blow up the inner tube.
I'll fire up the s.
S.
"Imagination.
" No.
No, mom, you don't get it.
It's a real luxury cruise liner, the s.
S.
"Tipton.
" We got a special deal because-- I'm a tipton employee.
Why didn't I think of that? I can't believe we're going on a real vacation! Actually, mom-- I better get my swim suit.
I better hit the treadmill.
I can't believe that I don't have to sing for a whole week no singing When are we going to tell her that the cruise is only free if she sings? Right after the boat leaves the dock.
And that's how you fire your maid.
Good luck, sweetie.
Now, as you know, here at "yay, me!" We care about poor people, except those who can't fluff a pillow.
[Laughs.]
What are you doing? Helping my viewers.
Well, it doesn't make you look good.
I know.
Back with the firing.
So, for our next show, we'll be doing a telethon for 24 hours In a row! And that's right.
All donations will be going to South street mission to help feed the hungry.
And boy, do they need our help.
I went down there and tried their soup--ugh! News flash-- brown is not a flavor.
[Foghorn blows.]
This is so cool! And huge.
I can't believe something this humongous can float.
Although that's the same thing I said when I saw aunt Martha in the pool.
Look at all these activities.
You could get a relaxing seaweed wrap.
I love you.
I love you! I love you.
Good.
[Chuckles.]
We're going to bank that.
Welcome aboard! I'm miss klotz.
You must be Carey Martin.
And this must be Zack and Cody.
Gosh, aren't they cute, huh? You spoke to Mr.
moseby? At length.
Remember, boys, the prison on a ship is called the brig.
That was mildly scary.
I've got your room key right here.
You'll be staying in the king Neptune suite.
Ooh.
Do I get my own bedroom? And bathroom.
I love you! Oh.
Oh.
And I love you! We all love each other.
Can't wait to see you tonight at "the concert under the stars.
" Oh! Do I have to buy tickets? Yeah, like we're going to make you pay.
[Laughs.]
I even get complimentary show tickets! I love you! I love you! I love you.
Can we get that in writing? [Indistinct chatter.]
Whoa.
Babes to port.
Babes to starboard.
Babes to The back.
It's called the stern.
Well, that girl has the greatest stern I've ever seen.
Hey, do you think I put on too much sunscreen? Whoa! [Grunting.]
Yes.
It's ok.
I landed on these cushions.
[Grunts.]
Those aren't cushions! Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
May I help you up? No! You've done enough.
Guys, this cruise is fantastic.
Do you know they serve a meal between breakfast and brunch? Really? Where is it? Right here.
I am so happy.
You know, right now, back in Boston, I'd be getting ready to do a show tonight.
Oh, hey, hey, mom.
Hey, do you know That they have skeet shooting on the fiesta deck? They have it.
You know, I've always wanted to shoot a skeet.
Then let's go.
Let's go.
Well, actually, I think it's this way.
Oh, no, no--oh.
What is my picture doing up there? Um They take pictures of people, and, uhPick the prettiest passenger of the day.
Congratulations, mom! Yoo-hoo! Uh-huh.
And then, they ask her to sing? [Scoffs.]
Well, thank goodness you have such a good voice.
Now, I'm going to use it to yell at you.
Oh, we're sorry, mom, but this was the only way that we could afford this vacation.
If I have to sing, then it's not a vacation.
Well, it is for us.
And it's a vacation for you, too.
You just have to do one show at 7:00.
And another at 9:30.
And "the midnight songs for lovers" show.
And the Sunday singles mixer.
And the Mr.
silver fox pageant.
And you have to have dinner with the winner.
So, you're saying the only free time I actually have is right now.
Attention.
Carey Martin will now host our limbo contest! [Applause.]
How low can you go? You 2 are the most-- [foghorn blasting.]
Uh, mom? You might not want to strain your voice before the show all right, now.
These phones are going to be ringing off the hook.
Uh, girls? I have bad news.
[Gasps.]
Not now, moseby.
I don't like being bummed out before my broadcast.
It messes up my "yay, me!" Smile.
Look, you're not going to have any performers for your telethon tonight.
[Gasps.]
See that? Now, I've got a "boo, you" frown.
The blizzard has closed all the roads.
None of your acts can get here.
There's a blizzard? Yeah.
Yeah, there is.
Yeah.
This is terrible! I know.
The hungry homeless are relying on us.
No.
I mean I wanted to meet the dog act-- Sheila, the stupendous shih tzu.
Ok.
Ok.
We'll just have to fill in for the acts until the storm stops.
Who wants to be the shih tzu? No! No! No! A thousand times no.
Aww.
Come on, little fella.
Who's a good puppy? [Snarls.]
Please, Mr.
moseby? It's for a good cause.
Oh, all right.
As long as I don't have to do anything too humiliating.
Don't worry.
You just have to jump through this hoop Wearing this sparkly skirt! Great! Fire up the hoop! [Flame roars.]
Miss klotz, hah.
Funny story.
You're going to laugh.
Oh, goodie.
I love to laugh.
Ok.
Um, see My sons agreed that I would sing without telling me.
Ooh.
Not laughing.
Hope you're a better singer than you are a comedian.
[Laughs.]
Heh.
That's actually really my point-- is that I'd rather not sing.
Uh-huh.
No problem.
Good luck floating back to Boston.
Um, ok.
Maybe could I pay for my room? Oh, lovely.
Here's the rate for the king Neptune suite.
Holy mackerel.
Oh, no, no.
Here's the rate for the holy mackerel suite.
Don't you have anything less expensive? Oh! Oh, great.
A store room.
[Grunts.]
What do you think they store in here? Us.
And, apparently, barnacle poison.
Off limits, boys.
So they moved us to the lower deck.
At least we have a port hole.
Oh.
[Grunts.]
[Carey grunts.]
And you got your seaweed wrap.
Please welcome, direct from the Beijing circus, the flying wangs! Actually, there's just one wang.
[London gasping.]
Remember, there is no net.
[Gasps.]
[Gasps.]
All: Ooh! Oh! Uh-oh! I almost fell! [Cheers.]
Wow, wang! That was weally wonderful! I bet that will get the tot board spinning.
After 4 hours, we have raised [Plays fanfare.]
Wow! Look at all those zeroes! How much is that, maddie? Zero.
Well, in the next hour, let's try to double that.
That would still be zero.
Then, let's triple it.
In our next act, I'm going to slap London silly.
I mean, sillier.
Oh, look! I think someone is making a pledge.
Ooh, is there a donor on the phone, Marie? Huh? I'm just checking my messages.
All right.
Ok.
Our next guest is food sculptor Pierre feinstein, who will build the eiffel tower out of French fries.
Who's going to be Pierre? Hi, Pierre! Move over! [Scoffs.]
You move over! Will you 2 hush up? You'll wake the rats.
You know what? If it's going to make you be quiet, then I will sleep-- [Indistinct.]
Shifting the entire bed! Stop it! This position isn't any better.
Well, here's one position we haven't tried.
Aah! Honey, are you ok? Ugh.
Yeah.
But next time I bunk with him, I'm bringing a parachute.
Phew.
I'll just make myself a little bed.
You know, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Oof! [Dogs barking.]
He got you right in the lemon.
What are you doing? The kennel is overcrowded.
Well, enjoy the cruise.
Thanks a lot.
I was talking to the dogs.
[Barking continues.]
[Imitates Spanish accent.]
Hola, everybody.
My name is seora blintzes, and this is pepe.
Say hola, pepe.
Why? Because you're a dummy.
[Gasps.]
Well, you're a pogo stick with a cheap haircut.
Ok.
Why don't we check the tot board? [Plays fanfare.]
How can we be minus $10? I ordered out for pizza! But the roads are closed.
They can't deliver.
[Plays fanfare.]
Back to zero! Yay, us! Oh, pack it in, pepe.
Come on, people.
Open your hearts! Our operators are eager to take your call.
Ugh.
That stupid snoring dog kept me up all night.
Well, when it comes out of that end, it ain't called snoring.
Ugh.
Ok, guys, here you go.
[Screams.]
The big plates are for full-fare passengers only.
Here are the plates for the sardine suite.
You're a heartless woman.
Ooh.
Didn't bother me when my 4 ex-husbands said it.
Doesn't bother me when you say it.
[Chuckles.]
You've been divorced Oh, no, no.
Widow.
Steady.
Use your hips as a fulcrum.
Oh, I'm losing.
I'm losing it.
[All talk at once.]
[Splashes.]
All: Ohh.
You like sleeping with the dogs? Let's see how you like sleeping with the fishes.
Oh! Now--guys.
Boys.
Why don't we go back for seconds? There we go.
Uh-uh-uh.
One trip only.
Ok.
All right.
Wait.
Please, please, please.
Please, wait.
All right.
I'll sing.
You win.
Enjoy the big plates.
[Sighs.]
[Sighs.]
[All talk at once.]
Ohh! Look! Dolphins! [Indistinct.]
Let's hear it for Polly and her amazing plates.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm exhausted.
Way to maintain the illusion, Polly.
Put a cork in it, boxer boy.
Oh! Oh! I'm logging off.
[Computer clicks and beeps.]
[Gasps.]
Hey! We're already logged off! What? We lost the Internet connection [Gasps.]
The blizzard must have knocked it out.
Or the snowstorm! [Gasps.]
Ugh! I can't believe we didn't even help the homely.
They're not homely.
They're homeless.
Have you seen them? You know, we should have just given them the French fries.
Wait a minute.
That's a great idea! There's so much food here at the tipton that goes to waste.
That's true.
You know, once or twice a week, we should bundle that up and give it to the hungry.
Yes! Let's do it! Ok, as soon as the roads open up, we'll all go down to the shelter.
Yay! [All talk at once.]
Yay, us! We're going to help the Hungarians! All: Hungry! Mom, we had a great day.
We played ping-pong.
And got a massage.
And went swimming.
Ooh, and got a massage.
And met a couple of cute girls.
Who gave us a massage.
I think I'd like to live here.
What did you do, mom? I fell asleep in the sun.
What's that white circle? I was eating a donut.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ok, that hurts.
Well, if you can't even take one step, how are you going to sing tonight? And if you can't sing tonight, we're going to end up back in that kennel.
Then there's only one thing to do.
Throw miss klotz overboard? Ok.
2 things.
Man over p.
A.
: Ladies and gentlemen, the s.
S.
"Tipton" is proud to present Carey Martin! [Jazz playing.]
Wow, what a good-looking crowd.
Especially you, doll face.
If you're feeling weary, baby sail away with me let your cares just drift away upon the 7 seas won't you pack your bags? you've got nothing to lose Both: we're going to have a great cruise I will hold you close, dear, as we dance beneath the skies feel the breeze caresses us as I gaze into your eyes won't you take my hand? you're the one that I choose Both: we're going to have a great cruise Yes, you and me, baby.
We're going to have a-- we're going to have a great cruise [Scats.]
Bon voyage What are you doing? Lighting up the night with music.
And entertaining this lovely audience.
Hit it, boys! No, no.
No.
Do not hit it, boys.
You hit it, I hit you.
Give me that microphone.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry about this amateur display.
I'm going to drop you on an island so small, you're going to have to take turns standing on it.
Look, miss klotz, we're really, really sorry, but we had to do this.
Our mom can't sing.
What? What he means is, she's a great singer, but she's so badly sunburned that she can barely move.
See? Audience: Ooh.
Wave to the folks, mom.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Oh! So that's where my donut went.
Since she always does everything for us, we figure this could be one little thing that we could do for her.
Audience: Aww.
Oh, oh.
Oh.
I cannot believe you are buying this bilge.
[Booing and hissing.]
Wow, looks like the bilge has been bought.
Your move, klotz.
Let them sing! All: Yeah! [Cheering and applause.]
Of course I'm going to let them sing.
They'll do in a pinch.
Both: Ohh! Hit it, boys.
[Jazz playing.]
If you're feeling weary, baby sail away with me let your cares just drift away upon the 7 seas won't you pack your bags? you've got nothing to lose Both: we're going to have a great cruise [Cheering and applause.]
[Yawns.]
Uh, mom? Uh-huh.
The macaroni's a little underdone.
So's the cheese.
Oh, guys.
I'm sorry.
Moseby's got me doing extra shows.
Last night, it was a busload of German tourists.
I oompahed till I couldn't oomp again.
Mom, you need a vacation.
And by you, I mean we.
Let's go to the pawtucket aquarium! I hear they just opened their "swim with the jellyfish" attraction.
They won't sting you if you cover yourself in whale urine.
I'd rather get stung.
Disney--abc cable networks group here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Knock on door.]
London: Come in! Ok, London, I need you to put your thinking cap on.
Oh, I don't have a thinking cap.
I have a thinking tiara.
Good.
Put that on, because we need to come up with a new topic for your next webisode [Gasps.]
Me! Ok.
Uh, but maybe we could come up with something other people might be interested in.
[Gasps.]
Me! Ok.
Something not in this room.
Me! Ok.
Apparently, the thinking tiara is not working.
London, your show reaches so many people.
I mean, haven't you ever thought about using it to help the less fortunate? You're talking about yourself, aren't you? No! Even less fortunate.
Is that possible? Yes, I see your frugal family fun pack only includes 3 bathroom tokens.
Now, is that per day? Per week.
Good news, mom oh, me, too! We're going to the world's largest ball of twine.
But while we're there, no liquids.
[Imitates carey.]
Never mind.
Mom, forget the twine.
We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean.
Great idea, honey.
Zack, you fill up the bathtub.
Cody, you blow up the inner tube.
I'll fire up the s.
S.
"Imagination.
" No.
No, mom, you don't get it.
It's a real luxury cruise liner, the s.
S.
"Tipton.
" We got a special deal because-- I'm a tipton employee.
Why didn't I think of that? I can't believe we're going on a real vacation! Actually, mom-- I better get my swim suit.
I better hit the treadmill.
I can't believe that I don't have to sing for a whole week no singing When are we going to tell her that the cruise is only free if she sings? Right after the boat leaves the dock.
And that's how you fire your maid.
Good luck, sweetie.
Now, as you know, here at "yay, me!" We care about poor people, except those who can't fluff a pillow.
[Laughs.]
What are you doing? Helping my viewers.
Well, it doesn't make you look good.
I know.
Back with the firing.
So, for our next show, we'll be doing a telethon for 24 hours In a row! And that's right.
All donations will be going to South street mission to help feed the hungry.
And boy, do they need our help.
I went down there and tried their soup--ugh! News flash-- brown is not a flavor.
[Foghorn blows.]
This is so cool! And huge.
I can't believe something this humongous can float.
Although that's the same thing I said when I saw aunt Martha in the pool.
Look at all these activities.
You could get a relaxing seaweed wrap.
I love you.
I love you! I love you.
Good.
[Chuckles.]
We're going to bank that.
Welcome aboard! I'm miss klotz.
You must be Carey Martin.
And this must be Zack and Cody.
Gosh, aren't they cute, huh? You spoke to Mr.
moseby? At length.
Remember, boys, the prison on a ship is called the brig.
That was mildly scary.
I've got your room key right here.
You'll be staying in the king Neptune suite.
Ooh.
Do I get my own bedroom? And bathroom.
I love you! Oh.
Oh.
And I love you! We all love each other.
Can't wait to see you tonight at "the concert under the stars.
" Oh! Do I have to buy tickets? Yeah, like we're going to make you pay.
[Laughs.]
I even get complimentary show tickets! I love you! I love you! I love you.
Can we get that in writing? [Indistinct chatter.]
Whoa.
Babes to port.
Babes to starboard.
Babes to The back.
It's called the stern.
Well, that girl has the greatest stern I've ever seen.
Hey, do you think I put on too much sunscreen? Whoa! [Grunting.]
Yes.
It's ok.
I landed on these cushions.
[Grunts.]
Those aren't cushions! Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
May I help you up? No! You've done enough.
Guys, this cruise is fantastic.
Do you know they serve a meal between breakfast and brunch? Really? Where is it? Right here.
I am so happy.
You know, right now, back in Boston, I'd be getting ready to do a show tonight.
Oh, hey, hey, mom.
Hey, do you know That they have skeet shooting on the fiesta deck? They have it.
You know, I've always wanted to shoot a skeet.
Then let's go.
Let's go.
Well, actually, I think it's this way.
Oh, no, no--oh.
What is my picture doing up there? Um They take pictures of people, and, uhPick the prettiest passenger of the day.
Congratulations, mom! Yoo-hoo! Uh-huh.
And then, they ask her to sing? [Scoffs.]
Well, thank goodness you have such a good voice.
Now, I'm going to use it to yell at you.
Oh, we're sorry, mom, but this was the only way that we could afford this vacation.
If I have to sing, then it's not a vacation.
Well, it is for us.
And it's a vacation for you, too.
You just have to do one show at 7:00.
And another at 9:30.
And "the midnight songs for lovers" show.
And the Sunday singles mixer.
And the Mr.
silver fox pageant.
And you have to have dinner with the winner.
So, you're saying the only free time I actually have is right now.
Attention.
Carey Martin will now host our limbo contest! [Applause.]
How low can you go? You 2 are the most-- [foghorn blasting.]
Uh, mom? You might not want to strain your voice before the show all right, now.
These phones are going to be ringing off the hook.
Uh, girls? I have bad news.
[Gasps.]
Not now, moseby.
I don't like being bummed out before my broadcast.
It messes up my "yay, me!" Smile.
Look, you're not going to have any performers for your telethon tonight.
[Gasps.]
See that? Now, I've got a "boo, you" frown.
The blizzard has closed all the roads.
None of your acts can get here.
There's a blizzard? Yeah.
Yeah, there is.
Yeah.
This is terrible! I know.
The hungry homeless are relying on us.
No.
I mean I wanted to meet the dog act-- Sheila, the stupendous shih tzu.
Ok.
Ok.
We'll just have to fill in for the acts until the storm stops.
Who wants to be the shih tzu? No! No! No! A thousand times no.
Aww.
Come on, little fella.
Who's a good puppy? [Snarls.]
Please, Mr.
moseby? It's for a good cause.
Oh, all right.
As long as I don't have to do anything too humiliating.
Don't worry.
You just have to jump through this hoop Wearing this sparkly skirt! Great! Fire up the hoop! [Flame roars.]
Miss klotz, hah.
Funny story.
You're going to laugh.
Oh, goodie.
I love to laugh.
Ok.
Um, see My sons agreed that I would sing without telling me.
Ooh.
Not laughing.
Hope you're a better singer than you are a comedian.
[Laughs.]
Heh.
That's actually really my point-- is that I'd rather not sing.
Uh-huh.
No problem.
Good luck floating back to Boston.
Um, ok.
Maybe could I pay for my room? Oh, lovely.
Here's the rate for the king Neptune suite.
Holy mackerel.
Oh, no, no.
Here's the rate for the holy mackerel suite.
Don't you have anything less expensive? Oh! Oh, great.
A store room.
[Grunts.]
What do you think they store in here? Us.
And, apparently, barnacle poison.
Off limits, boys.
So they moved us to the lower deck.
At least we have a port hole.
Oh.
[Grunts.]
[Carey grunts.]
And you got your seaweed wrap.
Please welcome, direct from the Beijing circus, the flying wangs! Actually, there's just one wang.
[London gasping.]
Remember, there is no net.
[Gasps.]
[Gasps.]
All: Ooh! Oh! Uh-oh! I almost fell! [Cheers.]
Wow, wang! That was weally wonderful! I bet that will get the tot board spinning.
After 4 hours, we have raised [Plays fanfare.]
Wow! Look at all those zeroes! How much is that, maddie? Zero.
Well, in the next hour, let's try to double that.
That would still be zero.
Then, let's triple it.
In our next act, I'm going to slap London silly.
I mean, sillier.
Oh, look! I think someone is making a pledge.
Ooh, is there a donor on the phone, Marie? Huh? I'm just checking my messages.
All right.
Ok.
Our next guest is food sculptor Pierre feinstein, who will build the eiffel tower out of French fries.
Who's going to be Pierre? Hi, Pierre! Move over! [Scoffs.]
You move over! Will you 2 hush up? You'll wake the rats.
You know what? If it's going to make you be quiet, then I will sleep-- [Indistinct.]
Shifting the entire bed! Stop it! This position isn't any better.
Well, here's one position we haven't tried.
Aah! Honey, are you ok? Ugh.
Yeah.
But next time I bunk with him, I'm bringing a parachute.
Phew.
I'll just make myself a little bed.
You know, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Oof! [Dogs barking.]
He got you right in the lemon.
What are you doing? The kennel is overcrowded.
Well, enjoy the cruise.
Thanks a lot.
I was talking to the dogs.
[Barking continues.]
[Imitates Spanish accent.]
Hola, everybody.
My name is seora blintzes, and this is pepe.
Say hola, pepe.
Why? Because you're a dummy.
[Gasps.]
Well, you're a pogo stick with a cheap haircut.
Ok.
Why don't we check the tot board? [Plays fanfare.]
How can we be minus $10? I ordered out for pizza! But the roads are closed.
They can't deliver.
[Plays fanfare.]
Back to zero! Yay, us! Oh, pack it in, pepe.
Come on, people.
Open your hearts! Our operators are eager to take your call.
Ugh.
That stupid snoring dog kept me up all night.
Well, when it comes out of that end, it ain't called snoring.
Ugh.
Ok, guys, here you go.
[Screams.]
The big plates are for full-fare passengers only.
Here are the plates for the sardine suite.
You're a heartless woman.
Ooh.
Didn't bother me when my 4 ex-husbands said it.
Doesn't bother me when you say it.
[Chuckles.]
You've been divorced Oh, no, no.
Widow.
Steady.
Use your hips as a fulcrum.
Oh, I'm losing.
I'm losing it.
[All talk at once.]
[Splashes.]
All: Ohh.
You like sleeping with the dogs? Let's see how you like sleeping with the fishes.
Oh! Now--guys.
Boys.
Why don't we go back for seconds? There we go.
Uh-uh-uh.
One trip only.
Ok.
All right.
Wait.
Please, please, please.
Please, wait.
All right.
I'll sing.
You win.
Enjoy the big plates.
[Sighs.]
[Sighs.]
[All talk at once.]
Ohh! Look! Dolphins! [Indistinct.]
Let's hear it for Polly and her amazing plates.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm exhausted.
Way to maintain the illusion, Polly.
Put a cork in it, boxer boy.
Oh! Oh! I'm logging off.
[Computer clicks and beeps.]
[Gasps.]
Hey! We're already logged off! What? We lost the Internet connection [Gasps.]
The blizzard must have knocked it out.
Or the snowstorm! [Gasps.]
Ugh! I can't believe we didn't even help the homely.
They're not homely.
They're homeless.
Have you seen them? You know, we should have just given them the French fries.
Wait a minute.
That's a great idea! There's so much food here at the tipton that goes to waste.
That's true.
You know, once or twice a week, we should bundle that up and give it to the hungry.
Yes! Let's do it! Ok, as soon as the roads open up, we'll all go down to the shelter.
Yay! [All talk at once.]
Yay, us! We're going to help the Hungarians! All: Hungry! Mom, we had a great day.
We played ping-pong.
And got a massage.
And went swimming.
Ooh, and got a massage.
And met a couple of cute girls.
Who gave us a massage.
I think I'd like to live here.
What did you do, mom? I fell asleep in the sun.
What's that white circle? I was eating a donut.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ok, that hurts.
Well, if you can't even take one step, how are you going to sing tonight? And if you can't sing tonight, we're going to end up back in that kennel.
Then there's only one thing to do.
Throw miss klotz overboard? Ok.
2 things.
Man over p.
A.
: Ladies and gentlemen, the s.
S.
"Tipton" is proud to present Carey Martin! [Jazz playing.]
Wow, what a good-looking crowd.
Especially you, doll face.
If you're feeling weary, baby sail away with me let your cares just drift away upon the 7 seas won't you pack your bags? you've got nothing to lose Both: we're going to have a great cruise I will hold you close, dear, as we dance beneath the skies feel the breeze caresses us as I gaze into your eyes won't you take my hand? you're the one that I choose Both: we're going to have a great cruise Yes, you and me, baby.
We're going to have a-- we're going to have a great cruise [Scats.]
Bon voyage What are you doing? Lighting up the night with music.
And entertaining this lovely audience.
Hit it, boys! No, no.
No.
Do not hit it, boys.
You hit it, I hit you.
Give me that microphone.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry about this amateur display.
I'm going to drop you on an island so small, you're going to have to take turns standing on it.
Look, miss klotz, we're really, really sorry, but we had to do this.
Our mom can't sing.
What? What he means is, she's a great singer, but she's so badly sunburned that she can barely move.
See? Audience: Ooh.
Wave to the folks, mom.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Oh! So that's where my donut went.
Since she always does everything for us, we figure this could be one little thing that we could do for her.
Audience: Aww.
Oh, oh.
Oh.
I cannot believe you are buying this bilge.
[Booing and hissing.]
Wow, looks like the bilge has been bought.
Your move, klotz.
Let them sing! All: Yeah! [Cheering and applause.]
Of course I'm going to let them sing.
They'll do in a pinch.
Both: Ohh! Hit it, boys.
[Jazz playing.]
If you're feeling weary, baby sail away with me let your cares just drift away upon the 7 seas won't you pack your bags? you've got nothing to lose Both: we're going to have a great cruise [Cheering and applause.]