Wizards of Waverly Place s03e21 Episode Script
Delinquent Justin
"so those footprints are not walking away, they are walking forward.
Congratulations, fellow graduates.
Now, let's get out there and walk.
" Justin, are you sure you don't want to do my graduation speech? It goes like this "Later, losers.
" There he is.
Our graduating senior.
We got you some graduation presents, sweetie.
Thank you, Mom, but shouldn't you wait to give me this until after I graduate? Don't be ridiculous.
You're the only one of our kids who we know is gonna make it through high school.
We're excited.
It's a new briefcase! Aww, thank you.
Although, technically, it's called an attaché case.
We know, honey.
We just didn't want you running around saying, "Attaché.
Attaché.
" Well, you know, I got Justin a graduation present, too.
Yeah, sure you did.
Good one, sweetie.
Um, I think she's serious, you guys.
Then we gotta get out of here.
My eyebrows just grew back from her last gift.
Come on.
Can you believe them? Assuming I'm about to do something so bad they had to leave the room? Harper, sit down.
OK, now this is a little tricky because my gift is not something that technically can be wrapped.
Oh my gosh.
It is fire.
Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll! Wait, come on.
Harper, you guys, hear me out.
- OK, my gift to you - Hmm.
is that, four years ago, I used magic to create a duplicate of you - and I sent him off to college.
- What? - Yeah, and he's about to graduate.
- What?! So, basically, I just saved you from like four more years of school.
What?!?! I have to agree with Justin on this one.
What?! * Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze * * That the end will no doubt justify the means * * You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease * * Yes, please * But you might find out it'll go to your head * * When you write a report on a book you never read * * With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed * * That's what I said * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams * * You might run into trouble if you go to extremes * * Because everything is not what it seems * * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can have what you want by the simplest of means * * Be careful not to mess with the balance of things * * Because everything is not * What it seems * Alex, why would you make a duplicate of me? I was actually looking forward to the next four years of college.
I was finally gonna try that notebook paper with the skinnier lines.
I did this because family is important to me, Justin.
I'm so sorry for wanting to do something nice for my brother.
Oh, family is important to you? I needed a heartwarming lead in.
I don't Harper, would you please tell Justin that he's overreacting and this is actually a good thing? It is a good thing.
I can use the new Justin to make Zeke and the old Justin jealous.
Then they can fight over me.
I don't think it's gonna work.
I think the old Justin heard me.
Look, Justin, it will be fine, OK? Once your duplicate comes, I'll put your brains back together, and you can keep all of his memories plus a college degree without having to go away to college.
Everything is going according to plan.
And how can you be so sure about that? Because I kept a scrapbook of all of your duplicate's accomplishments over the past four years.
If you think your high school experience was impressive, wait till you see what you did in college.
OK, you made straight A's every semester.
Big deal.
I always get straight A's.
You were voted Most Analytical Brain by the Intramural Chess Team.
I was? You know that award is special because it comes from your peers, which is You know what? Maybe this isn't bad.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe this is a good thing after all.
I knew that chess thing would change your mind.
There's actually nothing else in this scrapbook.
Nope.
Nothin'.
Nothin'.
Jerry, I've been thinking.
Is it about eating or ways to save money? Please say, "Eating!" Please say, "Eating!" It's about being better parents.
Oh, well, that's not as interesting to me, but go ahead.
You know how we never make it to the kids' school functions in time to sit in the auditorium? And we always end up sitting in the overflow section, watching on a video monitor with the rest of the bad parents? That school has an auditorium? Well, I thought it would be nice if we really tried to make it to Justin's graduation ceremony on time.
That's a great idea, honey.
Because we're better than those other bad parents.
And getting there on time is just the way to prove it to them.
Exactly.
And everyone knows the best thing about being good parents is getting to tell as many people about it as possible.
Hi.
We'll walk you out.
We're about to be really great parents.
Their school has an auditorium.
I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, Alex.
I've never met a duplicate of myself before.
Just relax.
It'll be fine.
But what do I say to him? Do I shake his hand or do I do that thing like we're both looking in the mirror? He's you, Justin.
Just do what you would want someone to do to you.
In that case, I'll compliment him on his ascot.
What's an ascot? Come on, it's a silk man scarf that cartoony millionaires wear around their necks.
Usually they're on boats.
Which is Is he here yet? Harper, what are you wearing? This is a college man we're talking about, Alex.
I had to choose something from my mature collection.
Well, does that dress come with a horse and buggy? It's parked out back, and someone isn't getting a ride in it.
Oh, my gosh.
Look.
Here I come.
Aw, man, I'm not wearing an ascot.
[sighs.]
All right.
Let's do this.
He's not doing it.
Oh, I get it.
Tai chi, man.
He is wearing a fancy man scarf, but on his head.
And it's a bandana.
But why would I wanna hide my hair? Oh my gosh.
I've stopped conditioning regularly.
Justin, wait up.
Don't call me Justin.
I only go by my spirit name, Bursting Eagle.
OK, Exploding Bird, Uh, I think that there is someone you should meet.
All right, fine, if that's why you called me down here.
But I think there's someone that you should meet: your inner self.
No thanks.
I'm good with my outer self.
- In the meantime - What happened to you? College.
It changed me.
I took an Introductory Philosophy course and I realized that there are much more important things in life than being a know-it-all.
[scoffs.]
Name one! Uh, the stark beauty of silence, man.
What are you talking about? Shhh.
There it is.
It's beautiful.
It kind of breaks my heart too.
I I Look, I don't know why you are acting like this.
OK, you were given awards from the chess team.
No, no, no.
Society does not determine my value.
This does.
A dirty, leather necklace? No.
I was pointing to my heart.
I determine what's important to me.
No, no, no.
I determine what's important to you.
You're supposed to be at college, having the experiences that I've always dreamed about.
Well maybe it's time you started dreaming with this, man.
My heart? No, I'm talking about this dirty leather dreamcatcher.
Alex, I need to speak to you real quick for one minute! Hey, where are you guys going? Secrets are for people who have something to hide.
Look what you've done! I am a total mess.
This guy is a total mess.
I am a total mess.
Relax, man.
Oh, don't you start now.
Don't worry.
Look, we'll recombine the two of you.
That'll get rid of him.
But you'll get to keep all of his knowledge and memories.
All right! Just get him into the Lair! Alex, part of your gift was recombining us and you didn't even look that up? Well, four years ago I thought I would have learned a lot more by now.
So excuse me for shooting too high.
Wait a minute.
Here's something.
What is it? It's a spell to duplicate money.
Why has that not been a wizard lesson? - Alex! - Sorry.
Why isn't he helping? Helping people's a weakness, man.
It means you're trying to fill a void in your own life.
Or you're like just too tired or something.
You know, I was rethinking you, but now I'm gonna go back to what I originally thought.
You're a dirty creep.
And your honesty is like a ray of sunshine.
- Ohhh.
Wait! Here it is! OK.
OK.
Two of him aren't twice as fun.
Turn these Justins back to one.
[zapping.]
Huh.
Look at that.
It worked.
And to think, this is usually around the time when things take an unexpected turn for the worse.
It's nice to have you back, Justin.
- Yeah? What's so great about it? - Excuse me? What's so great about anything in this crazy, mixed-up world we're living in, man? Oh, no.
I don't care about graduating high school, and I don't care about aliens or robots, and [scoffs.]
I sure don't care about grades.
[Alex scoffs.]
I agree.
Grades are just a way of telling you how you're doing in school.
And I don't think that's anyone's business.
Exactly.
You get it.
Because participating in grades gives The Man permission to judge you.
And nobody judges me.
Until the 19th, when I audition for Oklahoma!.
Why is he acting like this? He'll never get a part in Oklahoma!.
I guess when we put him back together with his duplicate, he kept his duplicate's personality and doesn't really care about anything.
Now, now hold on there.
I care about a lot of things, man.
Like the hot asphalt of the open road, OK, suede, all right, tasseled jackets.
Yeah.
Well, that's about it.
Oh.
No, don't forget the stark beauty of silence.
There.
That's it.
OK, if this is what college guys are like, I'm dating a military man.
I kind of like this new Justin.
He's not so uptight about everything, and so annoyingly positive.
So you're not gonna do anything to fix this? Haven't I done enough? [Mr.
Laritate.]
Ah, Justin, there you are.
Just wanted to let you know how excited I am to hear exactly what you've got in store for everyone with your big graduation speech.
Oh, I'm gonna deliver a speech, all right, el Jefe that's gonna rock the flimsy foundation of this school.
Who told you about our flimsy foundation? Look, you can either have our music department or structural safety, but you can't have both! Alex, there's something wrong with your brother.
He keeps saying all this crazy stuff, like he wants to look for America.
And that love can't exist without hate.
What does that even mean? Zeke, maybe you should give this new Justin a chance.
Who knows, you might actually like him.
Are you serious? He's running around, giving everyone spirit names.
I refuse to be addressed as Bouncing Chipmunk.
Where would he get that idea? Where?! Where would he get that?! Where?! And now everyone wants to hear what he has to say for his big speech.
Everyone? Don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration? Is it? Chanting makes it important.
[all.]
Chanting makes it important! Chanting makes it important! Oh my gosh.
He's right.
Chanting does make things sound important.
[makes rooster-like call.]
Hey, Alex, check it out.
I'm helping Zeke come up with a back-up graduation speech for when Justin's speech turns into one of those annoying chants.
As it turns out, chanting doesn't make stuff sound important.
It's just a less lonely way to complain.
That's why we're writing our own speech.
It's about how sidekicks and followers are cool.
You guys, I don't know why you're so upset.
Justin is gonna be fine, OK.
People love everything he has to say.
All I'm saying, you guys, is that planning your future is like digging your grave with a pencil and like a calendar.
Uh-oh.
Alex, what's wrong with him? What? Nothing.
What? Nothing.
Tell her what you just told us, Justin.
When cowboys used to get really really hungry they ate these things right here.
No, the other thing.
Chanting makes it important.
No, the other thing.
I bought these jeans pre-ripped.
It's fun, right? I Ahhh.
Sunshine.
What did you do to him? OK, I didn't wanna say anything but Justin's not really Justin right now.
Yeah, we figured that part out.
It's It's actually kind of a funny story, really.
You see, I made a duplicate of Justin, and I put him through four years of college.
And then recombined the two of them and it ended up drastically changing Justin's personality to a point where he's really not even recognizable anymore.
Why aren't you laughing with me? Alex, this is horrible! You are going to ruin your brother's graduation.
And more important, we just committed to being good parents, and this is wrecking that whole plan! You're gonna fix this, young lady, so he can have his graduation, and we can be there, in the regular audience, like the good parents you've never had! So you're telling me that I have to come up with a solution all by myself to a problem that I created all by myself? Well, that's not fair.
Please, Mr.
Laritate, you gotta let Zeke give the speech instead of Justin.
He's got it all figured out.
Even the overflow parents will love it.
Show 'em, Zeke.
[clears throat.]
Today is the first day of the rest of your lives.
The world is your oyster.
Spread your wings and fly! I have a very unoriginal brain.
It's perfect for this kind of thing.
If you want to see his head explode, tell him you're having breakfast for dinner.
[gasps.]
You can't have breakfast for dinner.
It's called "three meals a day!" You space 'em out and you have a jog in-between! Well, what about brunch? You can't have brunch! It's a combination! You know I'm scared of combinations! Now, listen! Listen! Listen! These people are very excited to hear Justin lead a chant in how unexciting everything is.
Try not to think about that sentence too much.
By the way, what do you think of my jacket? The fringe makes it slimming.
Harper, OK, I found a spell that will pull the college education out of Justin's brain.
Where is he? Last I saw him he was outside leading some chant with bus drivers about exact change.
All right.
I'm ready to tell these people to give up.
Where's the microphone at? Yep, OK, yes, I can't wait either.
It'll be really fun.
I just have to do something.
Brain, brain go away, back before the college days! [zapping.]
[exhales deeply.]
Well, how do you feel? I look silly.
I'm wearing a nightgown.
Yep, that sounds like it worked.
All right, go.
[applause.]
[Mr.
Laritate.]
Thank you, Mr.
Guerreri, for showing us that a 52-year-old English teacher can still kind of dunk a basketball.
And now, our student body president will address his senior class.
Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Russo.
Anybody gonna call the nurse for Mr.
Guerreri? He looks really tangled up in that mini-trampoline.
I want a puppy, but I can't have one until I stop putting gum in my hair.
What is he doing? I don't know.
He's acting like a kindergartner.
[groans.]
I must've taken too much of his brain away.
I've gotta get him out of there.
I don't need a stool to reach the sink.
Some people Uh, what he means to say is, Tribeca Prep is like the stool of our lives.
And we no longer need that stool to reach the sink which is which is our future.
So good night, everybody! [Justin.]
I'm not supposed to touch the stove, 'cause it's hot.
Because the stove, you see, is is danger.
And there can be so much danger in our future [moans ghoulishly.]
that we will have to overcome with courage.
So good night, everybody! My bedtime is seven, but I can read pop-up books in bed until eight.
Take care of your health, and something about reading.
Good night, everybody.
[Mr.
Laritate.]
Thank you, Justin.
And Alex.
I had hoped for something a bit more thought-provoking, but it was time to get Mr.
Guerreri into the ambulance, so, you know [Mr Laritate clears throat.]
And now I would like to award the diplomas in class order.
Valedictorian, Justin Russo.
[cheers, whistles.]
[gasps.]
I can see our head! It's huge! Salutatorian, Zeke Beekerman [applause.]
Brunch is not a meal.
Spread your wings and fly! - We're late! - [groans.]
I can't believe you made the cab driver stop for a hot dog, Jerry.
Well, I wasn't gonna let him run over it.
I guess we're stuck here again with the overflow crowd.
Let's face it, we're overflow parents.
These will always be our people.
Excuse me.
Those are our seats.
We're the reason this whole set up exists.
Hey, hey! There he is! Our high school graduate! Just so you know, honey, we got here on time.
We saw the whole thing.
We thought your speech was great.
Yeah, and that emotional part was that was really emotional, and I I I don't [fake whimper.]
OK, Dad, there was no emotional part.
He didn't do the speech.
Why not? I'm not allowed to read books on the potty, because I stay in there way too long.
[blows raspberry.]
That's the sound I make when I'm on the potty.
- [mimics plane.]
- Hey! [mimics plane.]
Stop it! - [mimics plane.]
- Sit! Do you want this lollipop or not? [mimics crash.]
Yes.
Then sit down.
OK.
Retrieve-um cerebrum! Lollipop? I only allow myself one of these on Halloween.
This is not Halloween! Welcome back.
Justin, I'm so sorry.
I should've never created that duplicate in the first place.
I guess I was just scared that I really wouldn't have anybody to fight with when you went off to college.
We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us.
What do you think? I hope so.
You guys are hilarious.
Just say you love each other.
[both scoff.]
No, we don't! I'm sorry I interfered with your college plans.
It's all good.
When I had that college brain in my head, I realized that I knew all of that stuff anyway.
Now it's time to get on with the real learning.
Medical school here I come.
How expensive is that? If I told you, you'd need a doctor.
Congratulations, fellow graduates.
Now, let's get out there and walk.
" Justin, are you sure you don't want to do my graduation speech? It goes like this "Later, losers.
" There he is.
Our graduating senior.
We got you some graduation presents, sweetie.
Thank you, Mom, but shouldn't you wait to give me this until after I graduate? Don't be ridiculous.
You're the only one of our kids who we know is gonna make it through high school.
We're excited.
It's a new briefcase! Aww, thank you.
Although, technically, it's called an attaché case.
We know, honey.
We just didn't want you running around saying, "Attaché.
Attaché.
" Well, you know, I got Justin a graduation present, too.
Yeah, sure you did.
Good one, sweetie.
Um, I think she's serious, you guys.
Then we gotta get out of here.
My eyebrows just grew back from her last gift.
Come on.
Can you believe them? Assuming I'm about to do something so bad they had to leave the room? Harper, sit down.
OK, now this is a little tricky because my gift is not something that technically can be wrapped.
Oh my gosh.
It is fire.
Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll! Wait, come on.
Harper, you guys, hear me out.
- OK, my gift to you - Hmm.
is that, four years ago, I used magic to create a duplicate of you - and I sent him off to college.
- What? - Yeah, and he's about to graduate.
- What?! So, basically, I just saved you from like four more years of school.
What?!?! I have to agree with Justin on this one.
What?! * Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze * * That the end will no doubt justify the means * * You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease * * Yes, please * But you might find out it'll go to your head * * When you write a report on a book you never read * * With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed * * That's what I said * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams * * You might run into trouble if you go to extremes * * Because everything is not what it seems * * Everything is not what it seems * * When you can have what you want by the simplest of means * * Be careful not to mess with the balance of things * * Because everything is not * What it seems * Alex, why would you make a duplicate of me? I was actually looking forward to the next four years of college.
I was finally gonna try that notebook paper with the skinnier lines.
I did this because family is important to me, Justin.
I'm so sorry for wanting to do something nice for my brother.
Oh, family is important to you? I needed a heartwarming lead in.
I don't Harper, would you please tell Justin that he's overreacting and this is actually a good thing? It is a good thing.
I can use the new Justin to make Zeke and the old Justin jealous.
Then they can fight over me.
I don't think it's gonna work.
I think the old Justin heard me.
Look, Justin, it will be fine, OK? Once your duplicate comes, I'll put your brains back together, and you can keep all of his memories plus a college degree without having to go away to college.
Everything is going according to plan.
And how can you be so sure about that? Because I kept a scrapbook of all of your duplicate's accomplishments over the past four years.
If you think your high school experience was impressive, wait till you see what you did in college.
OK, you made straight A's every semester.
Big deal.
I always get straight A's.
You were voted Most Analytical Brain by the Intramural Chess Team.
I was? You know that award is special because it comes from your peers, which is You know what? Maybe this isn't bad.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe this is a good thing after all.
I knew that chess thing would change your mind.
There's actually nothing else in this scrapbook.
Nope.
Nothin'.
Nothin'.
Jerry, I've been thinking.
Is it about eating or ways to save money? Please say, "Eating!" Please say, "Eating!" It's about being better parents.
Oh, well, that's not as interesting to me, but go ahead.
You know how we never make it to the kids' school functions in time to sit in the auditorium? And we always end up sitting in the overflow section, watching on a video monitor with the rest of the bad parents? That school has an auditorium? Well, I thought it would be nice if we really tried to make it to Justin's graduation ceremony on time.
That's a great idea, honey.
Because we're better than those other bad parents.
And getting there on time is just the way to prove it to them.
Exactly.
And everyone knows the best thing about being good parents is getting to tell as many people about it as possible.
Hi.
We'll walk you out.
We're about to be really great parents.
Their school has an auditorium.
I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, Alex.
I've never met a duplicate of myself before.
Just relax.
It'll be fine.
But what do I say to him? Do I shake his hand or do I do that thing like we're both looking in the mirror? He's you, Justin.
Just do what you would want someone to do to you.
In that case, I'll compliment him on his ascot.
What's an ascot? Come on, it's a silk man scarf that cartoony millionaires wear around their necks.
Usually they're on boats.
Which is Is he here yet? Harper, what are you wearing? This is a college man we're talking about, Alex.
I had to choose something from my mature collection.
Well, does that dress come with a horse and buggy? It's parked out back, and someone isn't getting a ride in it.
Oh, my gosh.
Look.
Here I come.
Aw, man, I'm not wearing an ascot.
[sighs.]
All right.
Let's do this.
He's not doing it.
Oh, I get it.
Tai chi, man.
He is wearing a fancy man scarf, but on his head.
And it's a bandana.
But why would I wanna hide my hair? Oh my gosh.
I've stopped conditioning regularly.
Justin, wait up.
Don't call me Justin.
I only go by my spirit name, Bursting Eagle.
OK, Exploding Bird, Uh, I think that there is someone you should meet.
All right, fine, if that's why you called me down here.
But I think there's someone that you should meet: your inner self.
No thanks.
I'm good with my outer self.
- In the meantime - What happened to you? College.
It changed me.
I took an Introductory Philosophy course and I realized that there are much more important things in life than being a know-it-all.
[scoffs.]
Name one! Uh, the stark beauty of silence, man.
What are you talking about? Shhh.
There it is.
It's beautiful.
It kind of breaks my heart too.
I I Look, I don't know why you are acting like this.
OK, you were given awards from the chess team.
No, no, no.
Society does not determine my value.
This does.
A dirty, leather necklace? No.
I was pointing to my heart.
I determine what's important to me.
No, no, no.
I determine what's important to you.
You're supposed to be at college, having the experiences that I've always dreamed about.
Well maybe it's time you started dreaming with this, man.
My heart? No, I'm talking about this dirty leather dreamcatcher.
Alex, I need to speak to you real quick for one minute! Hey, where are you guys going? Secrets are for people who have something to hide.
Look what you've done! I am a total mess.
This guy is a total mess.
I am a total mess.
Relax, man.
Oh, don't you start now.
Don't worry.
Look, we'll recombine the two of you.
That'll get rid of him.
But you'll get to keep all of his knowledge and memories.
All right! Just get him into the Lair! Alex, part of your gift was recombining us and you didn't even look that up? Well, four years ago I thought I would have learned a lot more by now.
So excuse me for shooting too high.
Wait a minute.
Here's something.
What is it? It's a spell to duplicate money.
Why has that not been a wizard lesson? - Alex! - Sorry.
Why isn't he helping? Helping people's a weakness, man.
It means you're trying to fill a void in your own life.
Or you're like just too tired or something.
You know, I was rethinking you, but now I'm gonna go back to what I originally thought.
You're a dirty creep.
And your honesty is like a ray of sunshine.
- Ohhh.
Wait! Here it is! OK.
OK.
Two of him aren't twice as fun.
Turn these Justins back to one.
[zapping.]
Huh.
Look at that.
It worked.
And to think, this is usually around the time when things take an unexpected turn for the worse.
It's nice to have you back, Justin.
- Yeah? What's so great about it? - Excuse me? What's so great about anything in this crazy, mixed-up world we're living in, man? Oh, no.
I don't care about graduating high school, and I don't care about aliens or robots, and [scoffs.]
I sure don't care about grades.
[Alex scoffs.]
I agree.
Grades are just a way of telling you how you're doing in school.
And I don't think that's anyone's business.
Exactly.
You get it.
Because participating in grades gives The Man permission to judge you.
And nobody judges me.
Until the 19th, when I audition for Oklahoma!.
Why is he acting like this? He'll never get a part in Oklahoma!.
I guess when we put him back together with his duplicate, he kept his duplicate's personality and doesn't really care about anything.
Now, now hold on there.
I care about a lot of things, man.
Like the hot asphalt of the open road, OK, suede, all right, tasseled jackets.
Yeah.
Well, that's about it.
Oh.
No, don't forget the stark beauty of silence.
There.
That's it.
OK, if this is what college guys are like, I'm dating a military man.
I kind of like this new Justin.
He's not so uptight about everything, and so annoyingly positive.
So you're not gonna do anything to fix this? Haven't I done enough? [Mr.
Laritate.]
Ah, Justin, there you are.
Just wanted to let you know how excited I am to hear exactly what you've got in store for everyone with your big graduation speech.
Oh, I'm gonna deliver a speech, all right, el Jefe that's gonna rock the flimsy foundation of this school.
Who told you about our flimsy foundation? Look, you can either have our music department or structural safety, but you can't have both! Alex, there's something wrong with your brother.
He keeps saying all this crazy stuff, like he wants to look for America.
And that love can't exist without hate.
What does that even mean? Zeke, maybe you should give this new Justin a chance.
Who knows, you might actually like him.
Are you serious? He's running around, giving everyone spirit names.
I refuse to be addressed as Bouncing Chipmunk.
Where would he get that idea? Where?! Where would he get that?! Where?! And now everyone wants to hear what he has to say for his big speech.
Everyone? Don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration? Is it? Chanting makes it important.
[all.]
Chanting makes it important! Chanting makes it important! Oh my gosh.
He's right.
Chanting does make things sound important.
[makes rooster-like call.]
Hey, Alex, check it out.
I'm helping Zeke come up with a back-up graduation speech for when Justin's speech turns into one of those annoying chants.
As it turns out, chanting doesn't make stuff sound important.
It's just a less lonely way to complain.
That's why we're writing our own speech.
It's about how sidekicks and followers are cool.
You guys, I don't know why you're so upset.
Justin is gonna be fine, OK.
People love everything he has to say.
All I'm saying, you guys, is that planning your future is like digging your grave with a pencil and like a calendar.
Uh-oh.
Alex, what's wrong with him? What? Nothing.
What? Nothing.
Tell her what you just told us, Justin.
When cowboys used to get really really hungry they ate these things right here.
No, the other thing.
Chanting makes it important.
No, the other thing.
I bought these jeans pre-ripped.
It's fun, right? I Ahhh.
Sunshine.
What did you do to him? OK, I didn't wanna say anything but Justin's not really Justin right now.
Yeah, we figured that part out.
It's It's actually kind of a funny story, really.
You see, I made a duplicate of Justin, and I put him through four years of college.
And then recombined the two of them and it ended up drastically changing Justin's personality to a point where he's really not even recognizable anymore.
Why aren't you laughing with me? Alex, this is horrible! You are going to ruin your brother's graduation.
And more important, we just committed to being good parents, and this is wrecking that whole plan! You're gonna fix this, young lady, so he can have his graduation, and we can be there, in the regular audience, like the good parents you've never had! So you're telling me that I have to come up with a solution all by myself to a problem that I created all by myself? Well, that's not fair.
Please, Mr.
Laritate, you gotta let Zeke give the speech instead of Justin.
He's got it all figured out.
Even the overflow parents will love it.
Show 'em, Zeke.
[clears throat.]
Today is the first day of the rest of your lives.
The world is your oyster.
Spread your wings and fly! I have a very unoriginal brain.
It's perfect for this kind of thing.
If you want to see his head explode, tell him you're having breakfast for dinner.
[gasps.]
You can't have breakfast for dinner.
It's called "three meals a day!" You space 'em out and you have a jog in-between! Well, what about brunch? You can't have brunch! It's a combination! You know I'm scared of combinations! Now, listen! Listen! Listen! These people are very excited to hear Justin lead a chant in how unexciting everything is.
Try not to think about that sentence too much.
By the way, what do you think of my jacket? The fringe makes it slimming.
Harper, OK, I found a spell that will pull the college education out of Justin's brain.
Where is he? Last I saw him he was outside leading some chant with bus drivers about exact change.
All right.
I'm ready to tell these people to give up.
Where's the microphone at? Yep, OK, yes, I can't wait either.
It'll be really fun.
I just have to do something.
Brain, brain go away, back before the college days! [zapping.]
[exhales deeply.]
Well, how do you feel? I look silly.
I'm wearing a nightgown.
Yep, that sounds like it worked.
All right, go.
[applause.]
[Mr.
Laritate.]
Thank you, Mr.
Guerreri, for showing us that a 52-year-old English teacher can still kind of dunk a basketball.
And now, our student body president will address his senior class.
Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Russo.
Anybody gonna call the nurse for Mr.
Guerreri? He looks really tangled up in that mini-trampoline.
I want a puppy, but I can't have one until I stop putting gum in my hair.
What is he doing? I don't know.
He's acting like a kindergartner.
[groans.]
I must've taken too much of his brain away.
I've gotta get him out of there.
I don't need a stool to reach the sink.
Some people Uh, what he means to say is, Tribeca Prep is like the stool of our lives.
And we no longer need that stool to reach the sink which is which is our future.
So good night, everybody! [Justin.]
I'm not supposed to touch the stove, 'cause it's hot.
Because the stove, you see, is is danger.
And there can be so much danger in our future [moans ghoulishly.]
that we will have to overcome with courage.
So good night, everybody! My bedtime is seven, but I can read pop-up books in bed until eight.
Take care of your health, and something about reading.
Good night, everybody.
[Mr.
Laritate.]
Thank you, Justin.
And Alex.
I had hoped for something a bit more thought-provoking, but it was time to get Mr.
Guerreri into the ambulance, so, you know [Mr Laritate clears throat.]
And now I would like to award the diplomas in class order.
Valedictorian, Justin Russo.
[cheers, whistles.]
[gasps.]
I can see our head! It's huge! Salutatorian, Zeke Beekerman [applause.]
Brunch is not a meal.
Spread your wings and fly! - We're late! - [groans.]
I can't believe you made the cab driver stop for a hot dog, Jerry.
Well, I wasn't gonna let him run over it.
I guess we're stuck here again with the overflow crowd.
Let's face it, we're overflow parents.
These will always be our people.
Excuse me.
Those are our seats.
We're the reason this whole set up exists.
Hey, hey! There he is! Our high school graduate! Just so you know, honey, we got here on time.
We saw the whole thing.
We thought your speech was great.
Yeah, and that emotional part was that was really emotional, and I I I don't [fake whimper.]
OK, Dad, there was no emotional part.
He didn't do the speech.
Why not? I'm not allowed to read books on the potty, because I stay in there way too long.
[blows raspberry.]
That's the sound I make when I'm on the potty.
- [mimics plane.]
- Hey! [mimics plane.]
Stop it! - [mimics plane.]
- Sit! Do you want this lollipop or not? [mimics crash.]
Yes.
Then sit down.
OK.
Retrieve-um cerebrum! Lollipop? I only allow myself one of these on Halloween.
This is not Halloween! Welcome back.
Justin, I'm so sorry.
I should've never created that duplicate in the first place.
I guess I was just scared that I really wouldn't have anybody to fight with when you went off to college.
We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us.
What do you think? I hope so.
You guys are hilarious.
Just say you love each other.
[both scoff.]
No, we don't! I'm sorry I interfered with your college plans.
It's all good.
When I had that college brain in my head, I realized that I knew all of that stuff anyway.
Now it's time to get on with the real learning.
Medical school here I come.
How expensive is that? If I told you, you'd need a doctor.