Bewitched (1964) s03e22 Episode Script

Good morning, Samantha.
I just popped in on my way to the Kasbah.
Ben Ahmed is giving the most marvellous cocktail party for the prime minister.
Well, that's lovely, Mother, but I can't talk right now.
I overslept, and Darrin's breakfast isn't ready.
Oh, very well.
I'll pitch in and help.
No, don't.
Hello? No, ma'am.
This is the Stephens residence.
I'm afraid you have the wrong number.
It's quite all right.
Yeah.
Hello? No, ma'am, I'm sorry.
You have the wrong number.
It's quite all right.
Digit dialling.
Hello? No, ma'am, I am sorry, this is not the Sunnydale Rest Home.
No, I don't mean I'm sorry it's not.
It isn't.
Or is it? Three wrong numbers in a row? That was no lady.
That was my mother-in-law.
What are they up to? Hello? Listen, if you ring this phone one more time, I'm Oh, hello, Larry.
Sorry I shouted at you.
Thought you were my mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law? You're not afraid to talk like that to your mother-in-law? Darrin, if you were here, I'd get your autograph.
Instead, I got some news for you.
You're gonna take a little trip.
Where? When? Well, in that case, maybe Sam would Well, of course, if they aren't.
Yeah.
Oh, sure.
Bye, Lar.
Breakfast is ready.
- Bad news.
- I resent you addressing me like that.
I wasn't addressing you.
I just said "bad news.
" - You were looking at me.
- Lf the shoe fits I'm warning you, shoes can kick.
- What do you mean, bad news? - We're going to Honolulu.
- When? - This afternoon.
- We are? Honolulu? - Sam.
- And you call that bad news? - Sam.
Well, you certainly didn't give me much time to brush up on my hula.
- Honey, it's business.
- That's marvellous.
It's more fun on an expense account.
Sam, you're not going.
I can't take you.
You said "we.
" "We" means the clients and myself.
They can't take their wives, so I can't very well take you.
It might get them in trouble with their own wives.
Well, it certainly was an exciting trip while it lasted.
I don't think I could get to Honolulu and back that fast flying solo.
I don't know what business it is of theirs whether I take my wife or not.
- Oh, Darrin, it doesn't matter.
- It's the principle of the thing.
Darrin, if you really wanted me to go I could turn myself into a necktie and sort of hang around.
No, that's out.
I'm not taking you along through witchcraft.
All right, that's settled.
Now, eat your breakfast.
I won't have time.
I have to meet the clients, come back and pack.
- But you have to eat something.
- Don't worry.
I'll call the coffee shop and have them send me some jelly doughnuts.
Oh, my.
He'll never win an Oscar for that performance.
What do you mean, performance? I wouldn't trust a mortal out of my spell for two seconds.
He's up to something.
Oh, Mother.
You know, you're impossible.
I know Darrin.
He really wishes I could go.
Very well.
We'll see how good he is at wishing.
I've given him three wishes to prove it.
You what? You can't.
I already have.
Mother, that's worse than reading somebody else's mail.
Worse? It's almost as good as.
Now you'll know how three-faced mortals are.
Betty, make eight copies of this, will you, please? Larry.
Well, you certainly got down to the office early this morning.
- Morning, Betty.
- Good morning.
I had to revise some estimates before the committee meeting.
I hate to do financial work at home.
Every time Louise sees a dollar sign, she shops.
Mr.
Stephens, I have your ticket.
Don't give it to him.
Give it to me.
Change of plans.
The clients just called.
Seems they'd rather have the head of the company with them.
- And that's me.
- You're kidding.
I wish I were.
I had other plans.
Man, did I have other plans.
Well, I'd better call Sam.
She may have started packing already.
Well, I wonder what he'd like to take to Honolulu.
Toss a coin.
Blond or redhead.
Oh, very funny.
Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart.
I just got your suitcase out of the closet.
Well, put it back in the closet.
I don't have to go.
- You don't? - The clients want Larry to go instead.
They changed their minds just like that.
- Oh, wonderful.
- What is so funny? He got his first wish.
He doesn't have to go to Honolulu.
The clients changed their minds just like that.
He's not going.
- Just like that, eh? - Oh, Mother, you're such a sore loser.
Sweetheart, I have an idea.
The suitcase gave it to me.
This weekend, why don't we? Hold it.
Don't get your hopes up.
With Larry gone, I'll have a lot of extra work.
Starting with Buffy Baker.
You have to escort her to the sales convention lunch and cocktails later.
Sam, I may be a little late for dinner tonight.
You have to take her where? Her? To a luncheon and cocktails? Sure, sweetheart, that's fine.
Bye-bye.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
See you tonight.
- Has to take her where? - Oh, Mother, it's purely routine.
I'll bet it's routine.
Darrin's company is handling the advertising for the Tropical Bathing Suit campaign.
A her in a bathing suit? Now we're getting to the heart of the first wish.
Save your smirking, Mother.
It's purely normal and natural.
When Larry leaves, Darrin has to take over for him.
I'm curious.
I'm really curious to see what his second wish will be.
You are evil.
Excuse me.
She's here.
Buffy? Ask her to come in.
Well, come in, come in, come in.
- Aren't I in? - Isn't she cute? I believe you know Mr.
Stephens.
Oh, yes.
I never forget a face.
Easy, Buffy.
You all right? Oh, there you are.
Sorry, Mr.
Stephens, but the company asked me not to wear my glasses.
They said when I'm in a bathing suit, I'm not the one doing the looking.
Yes.
I mean, hello.
Hello.
- Won't you sit down? - Oh, yes.
There you are.
I've been called out of town on business so Mr.
Stephens will escort you to the luncheon and cocktail party.
Oh, how sweet of you.
He'll make a speech introducing you.
Oh, I'm just breathless to hear it.
And tomorrow the car will pick you up and take you to the airport.
Remember, you've got a banquet in Boston.
I know.
And then the day after tomorrow I have a luncheon in Chicago and then a banquet in Detroit then I'm off three days to reduce before St.
Louis.
Mr.
Stephens will take wonderful care of you.
My, how cosy that will be, won't it? Darrin, before I go to Honolulu, I want you to know one thing.
- What? - I hate you.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
Larry get off all right? - Right on the button.
What's for dinner? - Creamed chicken.
- Thought you liked it.
- I had it for lunch.
I'm sorry.
I can fix you something else.
Oh, no.
I love yours.
It'll help me forget that stuff I had at the luncheon.
I saw Buffy's bathing suit ad in a magazine this afternoon.
Is she really as pretty in person as she is in pictures? Prettier.
But up here, nothing.
Well, anyone who's as pretty as she is doesn't need anything up here.
Well, pretty or not, I'm stuck with her.
I'm going to have to fly to Boston to introduce her at a sales banquet.
Boston? My lousy luck.
They liked my speech so much they insisted I repeat it tomorrow in Boston.
How long will you be gone? Thanks to the jet age, I should be back in time for dinner.
- Lf you don't mind waiting till 9 or 10.
- Thought you said it was a banquet.
I've had my last forkful of creamed chicken.
I'm not going to eat I mean, banquet creamed chicken.
You don't have to explain.
I want to be back in time to have dinner with you.
I'd better call Buffy.
Larry told me to keep close tabs on her.
She can't remember what city she's in.
Wish number two, Buffy in Boston.
Hello, Mother.
I thought you were in the Kasbah.
I was, but I wouldn't miss this for the world.
You're wasting your time.
- Samantha.
- Yes, sweetheart? Is my dinner jacket back from the cleaners? I wanna wear it on the plane.
- Yes, it's in the closet.
- Dinner jacket.
How positively gala.
He's not eating there.
He's coming home to have dinner with me.
Maybe he will and maybe he won't.
I'd say it all depends on wish number three.
Hello? Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Where are you? Boston? But, Darrin, you said that Well, why can't you get a plane? Didn't you make a reservation? Oh, but, sweetheart, that's absurd.
Why aren't the planes taking off? Honey, Boston has been hit by a sudden snowstorm.
A snowstorm? Why, it's so warm and balmy here we were gonna have dinner on the patio.
I don't care what it's like there.
I'm trying to tell you what it's like here.
Boston's been hit by a freak snowstorm.
A freak snowstorm? When I give wishes, they're really spectacular.
And all the flights are cancelled.
Oh, no, honey.
I'm all right.
I have a room right here at the hotel.
Yes, the same one where they had the banquet.
It's pretty full because of the convention but I managed to get a room.
Now, don't worry.
I'm perfectly all right.
I'll see you as soon as I can get a plane out of here.
All right, sweetheart.
Bye-bye.
Well, you wanna stay for dinner? What are we eating, crow? - Hi.
- Hi.
Can I come in? Yes, certainly.
Mainly, I wanted to get away from all those jokes in the lobby.
- Jokes? - About my bathing suits and the snowstorm coming in to cool things off.
You were supposed to be flying to Chicago? - The planes aren't taking off.
- I know.
The hotel's full, and I can't get a room.
Some of the gentlemen were kind enough to offer Never mind.
You can have this room.
I'll go to the airport and wait for a flight.
I wouldn't feel right putting you out of here.
Well, I wouldn't feel right staying.
Have a wonderful tour.
Bye-bye.
Wait.
I wanted to get another look at you before you go.
I like you.
Have a wonderful tour.
Bye.
Goodbye.
I didn't say anything.
I didn't say you said anything.
Well, I just said I didn't say anything.
Then may I say how happy I am that you are not saying anything.
That's Darrin.
He couldn't get back from Boston that fast.
He was fooling me.
Calling me from the airport.
I knew it all the time.
Hi.
Telegram for Mr.
Stephens.
Thank you.
- What is it? - A telegram for Darrin from Honolulu.
- Probably from Larry.
- You'd better call him in Boston.
- Now, I don't think that's necessary.
- How do you know? It may be urgent.
I think you'd better call him.
No, I'm sure it can wait.
Well, he'll probably want you to open it up and read it to him.
That's what any thoughtful, considerate, mortal wife would do.
- Go ahead.
Go ahead, call him.
- No.
- Go on.
- All right.
Hello? - Hello? - I'm sorry, there must be some mistake.
- I wanted Mr.
Stephens' room.
- This is Mr.
Stephens' room.
May I speak to Mr.
Stephens, please? I'm sorry.
He isn't here.
Could you tell me where I could reach Mr.
Stephens? No, I'm sorry.
I don't know where he is now.
But if you'll only pardon me, I'm dead.
I didn't say one thing.
Mr.
Ben Pepperdine, please come to gate 34.
Hi, honey.
Would you believe it? It took until this afternoon to get a plane out.
If you wanna ruin your back, sleep on one of those airport benches.
They make them that way on purpose to discourage bums.
Hi, honey.
I don't blame you for not wanting to be kissed.
I haven't shaved.
Hey, I got good news for you.
My speech got more laughs in Boston than it did here.
All in all, I think the trip was worth it.
Watch it, honey.
I've only been to Boston three times.
I like it more each time I go.
You and I ought to go there sometime.
Sam, I may be mistaken but I think that maybe you're peeved about something.
Did anything happen while I was gone? Well, I certainly couldn't have done anything.
Did I? Did I? Sam, I asked you a question.
Did I? Sam, you're going to stay right here and talk to me.
Samantha.
Sam, where are you? I can see you wherever you are.
- Now listen to me, Sam.
- Darrin, I'm leaving you.
- Sam.
- I'm going home to Mother.
What do you mean, going home to Mother? Your mother's always here.
Sam.
Sam, where are you? Now put that down.
Let Let go.
Well, you told me to let go.
Sam, what's the matter? Did somebody tell you something or what? What have I done? Sam, now cut this out.
I wanna see you immediately.
Samantha, you're my wife, and I demand that you appear before me.
Listen to me, Sam.
Don't do anything that you may regret later on.
Where do you think you're going? You're not leaving this house.
She couldn't.
Sam.
Sam, please wait.
Please wait.
All right, go ahead.
I can't stop you, and I know it.
Even if you were a mortal, I couldn't stop you.
But in all fairness, don't you think I'm entitled to know why? The very least you could do is tell me why.
Very well.
- What are you wearing? - My flying suit.
Mother warned me about you and that model, but I didn't believe her.
Buffy? Me interested in Buffy? Sam, don't make me laugh.
Don't you use that patronizing tone with me, or I won't say another word.
Me interested in Buffy? I couldn't see her in a million years.
She can't see me without her glasses.
No? Mother gave you three wishes to prove what was on your mind.
- Well, you proved it, all right.
- What did I prove? Your first wish was that you didn't have to go to Honolulu so you could look after that model instead.
That wasn't a wish.
That was wished onto me by Larry.
Then you wished that you could go to Boston with her.
Then you wished up that freak snowstorm so that you'd have an excuse not to come home.
- That's what you think? - That's what I know.
I called your hotel room last night.
Buffy answered the phone.
Of course.
She didn't have a place to stay, so I gave her my room and I slept at the airport.
Now you know why I'm leaving.
- Goodbye.
- Oh, wait.
I think we've covered the matter.
Your mother gave me three wishes, and I used them the way you said? You did.
Watch this.
Three wishes, huh? Stand back.
Wish number one.
I wish that your mother were standing right here.
Why, Darwin, I had no idea you were so fond of me.
You see? I wouldn't have been able to do that if I'd used those three wishes on Buffy, would I? You interrupted me at a party, you silly boy.
And I was getting along so famously with the prime minister.
- Darrin, l - Quiet, both of you.
I haven't finished.
You gave me those three wishes to make a fool out of me, didn't you? I can make a fool out of myself without any help from you.
You are so right.
Mortals have a talent for it.
But as long as I've got them, I'm going to wish something that I've been wishing ever since I met you.
What is it? Wish number two.
I wish that you would stay out of our lives fore Darrin, no.
For one week.
Wish number three.
About that flying suit.
I wish Darrin, never mind the third wish.
It's on the house.
Sweetheart? Darrin? Good night, sweetheart.
- Feeling better? - Much.
After spending last night at an airport in a snowstorm that's just what I needed, a good hot shower.
I wish I could take another.
Darrin? Oh, we forgot.
You had one more wish left.
Can I get you a towel?