Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s03e22 Episode Script
That's What Friends Are For
So you lost it.
So what? It's only a t-shirt.
No.
It's the t-shirt Wanda sent me from school.
It's a symbolic gesture.
It's the first crucial step towards our becoming friends.
And you step on her sentiment by losing it.
For shame, for shame.
Aha.
Ah.
It's Michelangelo's David Or at least his butt, anyway.
What's on the front? No! Yes! You can get away with anything if you stamp the word "art" on it.
Thank you, Jesse helms.
Hey.
Hey.
It's our old Halloween costumes.
I loved this costume! Boy, did I look cool.
What were we, about 13? Yeah, that was a great year, remember? You were spider-man, and Me also as spider-man.
A superhero double-header.
Yeah.
Arachnophobia ran rampant through brentwood that Halloween.
Come with me now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.
Put it on.
It'll be a blast.
We will be superheroes once again.
No way.
This is never going to fit.
Look at this thing, vin.
Can you believe we were ever this small? Yeah, I believe it.
What do you want to do? How about a movie? Dr.
howser, would you like to join us? Hi, Mr.
plenn.
Hi, doogie.
Julie, what are you doing to him? He's used to lunches at the bistro garden.
The red flannel hash is a comedown.
Will you be coming by this weekend to see Wanda? Sure.
I was going to help her pack.
My Wanda, she's so sentimental.
Couldn't let me sell the house without one last look at her room and one jump on the bed with her sister.
Oh, Dr.
Ross, you've made me late again.
Are you picking Wanda up at the airport? I hadn't really thought about it.
I picked her up last time.
You think she wants me to? Sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
I'll go.
You know what? Maybe we should all go.
Maybe just you guys should go.
I wouldn't be a teenager again.
I'll see you later.
O.
K.
Bye, honey.
It's so great to see him smiling again.
Yeah? Sure.
I mean, it's time.
It's been a year since his wife died.
I keep thinking it's fate.
This old pediatrician retiring, my taking his patients, including Maggie.
She is such a great kid.
I just hope Wanda likes me.
Come on.
Who couldn't like you? True.
Mr.
boombatz? Doog.
I got an emergency.
What? What's the emergency? I'm short.
That's not an emergency.
I left three messages for you.
Did you call me back? You were too busy saving lives.
Well, excuse me.
I'm having a crisis.
I got a chronic case of diminutiveness.
So you're 5'2".
So what's the big deal? Easy for you.
You're 6 feet.
O.
K.
If you want to talk, we'll talk.
Let me sign out first.
with the other guys.
the lower half of the class.
By 15, it's just me and Billy summers.
And then the name-calling starts "short stuff, pipsqueak, runt.
" I could go on.
in September to school, and he shot up 5 inches.
The bum makes j.
V.
Basketball.
Me, zip.
the same puny superhero.
But you're doing well in school.
Doog, it's a proven fact that short people do worse in life.
They make less money and get more heart attacks.
I just want to look, you know Like a man, you know? I understand, Vinnie.
I've been waiting for my growth spurt for five years.
You got hormones here to make people grow, right? Show me to your hormone department.
We have to find out if the hormone would help in your case.
We X-ray your hand.
If the ends of the bones aren't fused yet, maybe we can do something.
You got to look at this as good news.
You're healthy.
The epiphysis of the bones of your hand are pretty much fused together.
Sorry, bud, but you're finished growing.
I want a second opinion.
Dr.
h? Vincent, this is a fairly cut-and-dried issue here.
Mrs.
h? Vinnie, you have a wonderful personality.
Oh, god! She's resorting to that! There is a chance you may grow on your own.
Maybe a half inch.
So there's still hope? Vincent, I believe he's telling you to try and accept yourself the way you are.
There's more to life than modern medicine.
How do zen masters sleep on nails? I read about a girl once whose doctors gave her no hope of ever walking again.
Three months later, with a spiritual guide's help.
She cast aside her crutches and climbed mountains.
Vinnie, that's heidi.
Well, so? It happened.
were shorter than now.
How did they get taller? I was hoping you'd know.
Well, um Improved diet, for one thing.
Voila! Step one, no more junk food.
No more fritos, no more oreos, no more chee-tos.
Nothing ending in "o.
" From this moment on, I'm dedicating my life to a 34 inseam.
The calculus textbook you lent me, unopened.
A sweater you left here, and your crowded house cd.
Do you ever wear that t-shirt I sent you? Yeah, sure.
See? I knew you'd like it.
Yeah, well, um I've got my stuff.
I guess I should go.
O.
K.
If you want to.
No.
I i figured you wanted me to.
No.
No.
I i mean I don't want you to unless you want to.
Sure you don't want me to? I'm sure if you're sure.
I'll stay another five minutes, and we'll re-evaluate.
O.
K.
Be careful with them.
My Barbie beach house is in there.
I won't get this to the back porch without some food.
Who else wants some of my vegetarian chili? Wanda? Thanks.
I'd love some, Julie.
O.
K.
I'll get it for you.
Here, dad.
It's funny eating here again.
I must have eaten in this kitchen 100 times.
I remember the day we moved in.
Remember, dad? My new room seemed so big, I was afraid it would swallow me up.
Mom laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.
She always made us feel safe.
I can still remember thinking, I'll be in this room when I go to kindergarten.
Kindergarten seemed so old.
I remember looking at the second graders, thinking they were cool.
O.
K.
, Maggie, I'll help you with your homework.
Julie always helps me with my homework when she's here.
Your sister's home.
Why don't you No, no, if that's what she's used to.
O.
K.
Let's hit the books.
You know that math you helped me with? I got a 96.
Wanda, should we pack the yogi bear glasses or give them to goodwill? I don't know.
Why don't you ask Julie? What's wrong? Nothing.
She's made herself right at home here.
Is there anything wrong with that? I talked to you on the phone about Julie.
I tried to prepare you for this.
Do you honestly not see what's going on here? You have had an awful year.
You're in a vulnerable state, and this woman comes along.
Know how hard it is for a woman her age to find a decent single man? Wanda.
No.
Let her talk.
She's the reason you're moving.
No.
The house has too many memories.
Too many memories for what? She's moved in on Maggie.
She moves stuff in our house! Next she'll want to marry you.
I hope so.
I've asked her to marry me.
Mom's hardly been dead a year.
Maggie and I have to move on.
Fine.
Then you can move on without me.
I don't believe this.
Look, Wanda, I know things seem to be happening fast, but you've been gone a long time.
Not that long.
Who am I going to have left? I know.
You still miss your mom.
I'm so glad you're on my side, doogie.
You're the only one who really cares for me.
It's under the towel.
Vinnie, how much longer? Until I'm 5'9".
Short people got no reason Short people got no reason Short people got no reason to live They got little hands, little eyes They walk around telling great big lies They got little noses, tiny little teeth They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet Well, I don't want no short people Don't want no short people Don't want no short people down here Yo, Mrs.
howser.
Look at me.
Huh? What do you notice? Go ahead.
Take a good look.
Uh, you can flare your nostrils for a really long time.
I'm here two days, and I'm already a half inch taller.
I measured myself this morning.
Everyone's a little taller in the morning.
Ah, the naivete of the bourgeoisie.
This growth powder is a godsend! "Siberian ginseng, astragalus, and powdered deer antler"? Nothing like deer antler to stimulate bone and muscle growth.
$75.
This cost you $75? Yeah.
But it's highly concentrated.
Hey, doog! Guess what.
I'm a half inch taller already.
Your mom remarked on it.
This is some growth enhancer.
Actually, it's not growth enhancer.
It's ginger, oregano, and nutmeg.
I took some to the hospital lab to be analyzed.
They lied to me at the space for herbal centeredness? I know you probably feel kind of foolish.
You love it, don't you? Hanging out with tall guys at the lab having laughs at the pipsqueak's expense.
I'm trying to help you.
You're being ripped off.
People can get sick from quack cures.
You want me to give up and be your short sidekick for the rest of my life? I'd love to tell you you'll grow, but you won't.
I'm sorry, vin, but that's the truth.
O.
K.
Next time, why don't you keep your truth to yourself? Honey, what choice did you have? Well, I didn't have to tell him.
I did have to.
I can't stand back and let him hold on to something that won't happen.
That's what makes you a good friend.
If your friend needs to hear something, you take the heat.
Hi.
Julie said I'd find you out here.
Oh.
Now she's answering our door.
Wanda, I don't think it's fair the way you're treating Julie.
I know Julie.
I like her.
She loves your dad, and she loves Maggie, and she really wants to be your friend.
There's nothing wrong with what your dad's doing.
You're supposed to be my friend.
I am your friend.
A friend would be on my side.
This isn't about taking sides.
Look at this realistically, Wanda.
You're 2,000 miles away.
You have a new life, but your dad and Maggie spend every day here.
Your dad's going to marry Julie.
He is.
If you don't accept it, then you'll just end up hurt and excluded.
You can't hold on to the past.
You are so smug.
It's so easy for you to say that.
That's what you said to me when we broke up.
I couldn't be your friend until I let go of wanting to get back together.
If this is your idea of friendship, you can keep it.
I wanted to say goodbye before you went back to school.
Thanks, vin.
That's a sweet thing to do.
So, um, seen Mr.
perfect lately? Somehow I know who you mean.
Does he ever strike you as just a tad patronizing? Just a tad? Try unbelievably patronizing.
I mean, the guy treats me like an idiot.
You know? I'm using this special powder to stimulate bone and muscle growth.
I mean, really expensive stuff What does doogie do? He steals some and takes it to the lab to be analyzed.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
The gall.
What did he find out? I've been paying 75 bucks for kitchen spices, but that's not the point.
He treats me like an idiot.
Vinnie, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but You are an idiot.
Yeah.
That occurred to me, too.
But he just had to tell me.
He loves to be right.
But he was right.
Of course he was.
He's doogie.
He said I had to give up my dream of being tall.
Maybe you do.
Maybe sometimes you do have to let go of a dream.
You know, I once saw this gripping movie where these people were madly in love and had this crazy dream of getting married, only in their hearts they knew their dream couldn't be.
For one thing, there were three of them.
Well, they were French.
Anyway, they wrote their dream on paper and tied it to a balloon and let it go.
It helped them to let go of their dream.
Pretty stupid, huh? So we're really going to do this.
O.
K.
All right.
Here's my dream.
I want to be tall.
I want someone to say "could you reach that for me?" I want a girl to rest her head on my shoulder.
"I want to be 6'2" with long, wavy hair and very full lips.
A lanky guy, intimidating A towering hulk of a man.
Hell, I'd settle for average.
So long, dream boy.
O.
K.
Now you.
I want my family back the way it used to be My mom, my dad, Maggie, and me.
I want to go to bed at night and hear my parents laughing downstairs.
I want to wake up in the morning and hear my mom humming while she makes coffee.
I want to walk up the front path and see lights inside and know my whole family is together, waiting for me to come home.
Goodbye.
If you ever tell anybody about this, I'll kill you.
Then shoot you.
What? Who would I tell? I mean, you guys are my best friends.
So what? It's only a t-shirt.
No.
It's the t-shirt Wanda sent me from school.
It's a symbolic gesture.
It's the first crucial step towards our becoming friends.
And you step on her sentiment by losing it.
For shame, for shame.
Aha.
Ah.
It's Michelangelo's David Or at least his butt, anyway.
What's on the front? No! Yes! You can get away with anything if you stamp the word "art" on it.
Thank you, Jesse helms.
Hey.
Hey.
It's our old Halloween costumes.
I loved this costume! Boy, did I look cool.
What were we, about 13? Yeah, that was a great year, remember? You were spider-man, and Me also as spider-man.
A superhero double-header.
Yeah.
Arachnophobia ran rampant through brentwood that Halloween.
Come with me now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.
Put it on.
It'll be a blast.
We will be superheroes once again.
No way.
This is never going to fit.
Look at this thing, vin.
Can you believe we were ever this small? Yeah, I believe it.
What do you want to do? How about a movie? Dr.
howser, would you like to join us? Hi, Mr.
plenn.
Hi, doogie.
Julie, what are you doing to him? He's used to lunches at the bistro garden.
The red flannel hash is a comedown.
Will you be coming by this weekend to see Wanda? Sure.
I was going to help her pack.
My Wanda, she's so sentimental.
Couldn't let me sell the house without one last look at her room and one jump on the bed with her sister.
Oh, Dr.
Ross, you've made me late again.
Are you picking Wanda up at the airport? I hadn't really thought about it.
I picked her up last time.
You think she wants me to? Sure.
Sure.
Yeah.
I'll go.
You know what? Maybe we should all go.
Maybe just you guys should go.
I wouldn't be a teenager again.
I'll see you later.
O.
K.
Bye, honey.
It's so great to see him smiling again.
Yeah? Sure.
I mean, it's time.
It's been a year since his wife died.
I keep thinking it's fate.
This old pediatrician retiring, my taking his patients, including Maggie.
She is such a great kid.
I just hope Wanda likes me.
Come on.
Who couldn't like you? True.
Mr.
boombatz? Doog.
I got an emergency.
What? What's the emergency? I'm short.
That's not an emergency.
I left three messages for you.
Did you call me back? You were too busy saving lives.
Well, excuse me.
I'm having a crisis.
I got a chronic case of diminutiveness.
So you're 5'2".
So what's the big deal? Easy for you.
You're 6 feet.
O.
K.
If you want to talk, we'll talk.
Let me sign out first.
with the other guys.
the lower half of the class.
By 15, it's just me and Billy summers.
And then the name-calling starts "short stuff, pipsqueak, runt.
" I could go on.
in September to school, and he shot up 5 inches.
The bum makes j.
V.
Basketball.
Me, zip.
the same puny superhero.
But you're doing well in school.
Doog, it's a proven fact that short people do worse in life.
They make less money and get more heart attacks.
I just want to look, you know Like a man, you know? I understand, Vinnie.
I've been waiting for my growth spurt for five years.
You got hormones here to make people grow, right? Show me to your hormone department.
We have to find out if the hormone would help in your case.
We X-ray your hand.
If the ends of the bones aren't fused yet, maybe we can do something.
You got to look at this as good news.
You're healthy.
The epiphysis of the bones of your hand are pretty much fused together.
Sorry, bud, but you're finished growing.
I want a second opinion.
Dr.
h? Vincent, this is a fairly cut-and-dried issue here.
Mrs.
h? Vinnie, you have a wonderful personality.
Oh, god! She's resorting to that! There is a chance you may grow on your own.
Maybe a half inch.
So there's still hope? Vincent, I believe he's telling you to try and accept yourself the way you are.
There's more to life than modern medicine.
How do zen masters sleep on nails? I read about a girl once whose doctors gave her no hope of ever walking again.
Three months later, with a spiritual guide's help.
She cast aside her crutches and climbed mountains.
Vinnie, that's heidi.
Well, so? It happened.
were shorter than now.
How did they get taller? I was hoping you'd know.
Well, um Improved diet, for one thing.
Voila! Step one, no more junk food.
No more fritos, no more oreos, no more chee-tos.
Nothing ending in "o.
" From this moment on, I'm dedicating my life to a 34 inseam.
The calculus textbook you lent me, unopened.
A sweater you left here, and your crowded house cd.
Do you ever wear that t-shirt I sent you? Yeah, sure.
See? I knew you'd like it.
Yeah, well, um I've got my stuff.
I guess I should go.
O.
K.
If you want to.
No.
I i figured you wanted me to.
No.
No.
I i mean I don't want you to unless you want to.
Sure you don't want me to? I'm sure if you're sure.
I'll stay another five minutes, and we'll re-evaluate.
O.
K.
Be careful with them.
My Barbie beach house is in there.
I won't get this to the back porch without some food.
Who else wants some of my vegetarian chili? Wanda? Thanks.
I'd love some, Julie.
O.
K.
I'll get it for you.
Here, dad.
It's funny eating here again.
I must have eaten in this kitchen 100 times.
I remember the day we moved in.
Remember, dad? My new room seemed so big, I was afraid it would swallow me up.
Mom laid in bed with me until I fell asleep.
She always made us feel safe.
I can still remember thinking, I'll be in this room when I go to kindergarten.
Kindergarten seemed so old.
I remember looking at the second graders, thinking they were cool.
O.
K.
, Maggie, I'll help you with your homework.
Julie always helps me with my homework when she's here.
Your sister's home.
Why don't you No, no, if that's what she's used to.
O.
K.
Let's hit the books.
You know that math you helped me with? I got a 96.
Wanda, should we pack the yogi bear glasses or give them to goodwill? I don't know.
Why don't you ask Julie? What's wrong? Nothing.
She's made herself right at home here.
Is there anything wrong with that? I talked to you on the phone about Julie.
I tried to prepare you for this.
Do you honestly not see what's going on here? You have had an awful year.
You're in a vulnerable state, and this woman comes along.
Know how hard it is for a woman her age to find a decent single man? Wanda.
No.
Let her talk.
She's the reason you're moving.
No.
The house has too many memories.
Too many memories for what? She's moved in on Maggie.
She moves stuff in our house! Next she'll want to marry you.
I hope so.
I've asked her to marry me.
Mom's hardly been dead a year.
Maggie and I have to move on.
Fine.
Then you can move on without me.
I don't believe this.
Look, Wanda, I know things seem to be happening fast, but you've been gone a long time.
Not that long.
Who am I going to have left? I know.
You still miss your mom.
I'm so glad you're on my side, doogie.
You're the only one who really cares for me.
It's under the towel.
Vinnie, how much longer? Until I'm 5'9".
Short people got no reason Short people got no reason Short people got no reason to live They got little hands, little eyes They walk around telling great big lies They got little noses, tiny little teeth They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet Well, I don't want no short people Don't want no short people Don't want no short people down here Yo, Mrs.
howser.
Look at me.
Huh? What do you notice? Go ahead.
Take a good look.
Uh, you can flare your nostrils for a really long time.
I'm here two days, and I'm already a half inch taller.
I measured myself this morning.
Everyone's a little taller in the morning.
Ah, the naivete of the bourgeoisie.
This growth powder is a godsend! "Siberian ginseng, astragalus, and powdered deer antler"? Nothing like deer antler to stimulate bone and muscle growth.
$75.
This cost you $75? Yeah.
But it's highly concentrated.
Hey, doog! Guess what.
I'm a half inch taller already.
Your mom remarked on it.
This is some growth enhancer.
Actually, it's not growth enhancer.
It's ginger, oregano, and nutmeg.
I took some to the hospital lab to be analyzed.
They lied to me at the space for herbal centeredness? I know you probably feel kind of foolish.
You love it, don't you? Hanging out with tall guys at the lab having laughs at the pipsqueak's expense.
I'm trying to help you.
You're being ripped off.
People can get sick from quack cures.
You want me to give up and be your short sidekick for the rest of my life? I'd love to tell you you'll grow, but you won't.
I'm sorry, vin, but that's the truth.
O.
K.
Next time, why don't you keep your truth to yourself? Honey, what choice did you have? Well, I didn't have to tell him.
I did have to.
I can't stand back and let him hold on to something that won't happen.
That's what makes you a good friend.
If your friend needs to hear something, you take the heat.
Hi.
Julie said I'd find you out here.
Oh.
Now she's answering our door.
Wanda, I don't think it's fair the way you're treating Julie.
I know Julie.
I like her.
She loves your dad, and she loves Maggie, and she really wants to be your friend.
There's nothing wrong with what your dad's doing.
You're supposed to be my friend.
I am your friend.
A friend would be on my side.
This isn't about taking sides.
Look at this realistically, Wanda.
You're 2,000 miles away.
You have a new life, but your dad and Maggie spend every day here.
Your dad's going to marry Julie.
He is.
If you don't accept it, then you'll just end up hurt and excluded.
You can't hold on to the past.
You are so smug.
It's so easy for you to say that.
That's what you said to me when we broke up.
I couldn't be your friend until I let go of wanting to get back together.
If this is your idea of friendship, you can keep it.
I wanted to say goodbye before you went back to school.
Thanks, vin.
That's a sweet thing to do.
So, um, seen Mr.
perfect lately? Somehow I know who you mean.
Does he ever strike you as just a tad patronizing? Just a tad? Try unbelievably patronizing.
I mean, the guy treats me like an idiot.
You know? I'm using this special powder to stimulate bone and muscle growth.
I mean, really expensive stuff What does doogie do? He steals some and takes it to the lab to be analyzed.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
The gall.
What did he find out? I've been paying 75 bucks for kitchen spices, but that's not the point.
He treats me like an idiot.
Vinnie, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but You are an idiot.
Yeah.
That occurred to me, too.
But he just had to tell me.
He loves to be right.
But he was right.
Of course he was.
He's doogie.
He said I had to give up my dream of being tall.
Maybe you do.
Maybe sometimes you do have to let go of a dream.
You know, I once saw this gripping movie where these people were madly in love and had this crazy dream of getting married, only in their hearts they knew their dream couldn't be.
For one thing, there were three of them.
Well, they were French.
Anyway, they wrote their dream on paper and tied it to a balloon and let it go.
It helped them to let go of their dream.
Pretty stupid, huh? So we're really going to do this.
O.
K.
All right.
Here's my dream.
I want to be tall.
I want someone to say "could you reach that for me?" I want a girl to rest her head on my shoulder.
"I want to be 6'2" with long, wavy hair and very full lips.
A lanky guy, intimidating A towering hulk of a man.
Hell, I'd settle for average.
So long, dream boy.
O.
K.
Now you.
I want my family back the way it used to be My mom, my dad, Maggie, and me.
I want to go to bed at night and hear my parents laughing downstairs.
I want to wake up in the morning and hear my mom humming while she makes coffee.
I want to walk up the front path and see lights inside and know my whole family is together, waiting for me to come home.
Goodbye.
If you ever tell anybody about this, I'll kill you.
Then shoot you.
What? Who would I tell? I mean, you guys are my best friends.